wiping your butt

[christian Brown]

this thread is hilarious and just fucked up my shit at work....sitting in a meeting and laughing out loud.....anyways i have this theory that women who have brown ugly vaginas started wiping back to front therefore getting dookie all up in their shaazaamm....any experiences with this???i freaked out the other day on this chick and left because of the site of such unfortunate events...

[Narcissus]

you did the right thing, chris Brown.

nobody wants this.

[gnarnel]

I usually just cram a hand full of toilet paper around y finger then jam it up my butt  sit back down for 5 to 10 min then pull it out throw it in the trash (not in the toilet)  pull my pants up and purposely dont wash my hand then high five my friends all day long!

[friendly dave]

I usually just cram a hand full of toilet paper around y finger then jam it up my butt  sit back down for 5 to 10 min then pull it out throw it in the trash (not in the toilet)  pull my pants up and purposely dont wash my hand then high five my friends all day long!

[gnarnel]

any one else rip out hairs when they whipe some times? or is it just me? another thing comes to mind a question me and my friends have been trying to answer for a while. what is the easyest way to get ride of but hair? i have a jungle and i need help people ahah

[George Mirchev]

We all need to look! It's important not to leave TOO much on your butthole. Stay safe!

[David]

[Jive Turkey]

I recently found out that there are people that stand up and wipe. That’s so wrong. If you stand up your cheeks close and then your ass ends up looking like a Rorschach test.

First wipe is a pincer attack. Thumb and index finger at the chode and mid-crack respective brought together at the butthole. Pull straight down, removing the cling-ons. Check for chunks. If it’s clear proceed with standard front to back wiping. It’s important to throw a down stroke in once or twice so that your not just smearing shit up your crack.

[jgonzalez]

I recently found out that there are people that stand up and wipe. That?s so wrong. If you stand up your cheeks close and then your ass ends up looking like a Rorschach test

That's why you spread your cheeks with your hand and bend over a little. I just don't like to feel like I'm digging around my ass while sitting down.
and it's not like you'd stand up and flex the muscles and walk around.

[GarglesCmen]

I recently found out that there are people that stand up and wipe. That?s so wrong. If you stand up your cheeks close and then your ass ends up looking like a Rorschach test.

First wipe is a pincer attack. Thumb and index finger at the chode and mid-crack respective brought together at the butthole. Pull straight down, removing the cling-ons. Check for chunks. If it?s clear proceed with standard front to back wiping. It?s important to throw a down stroke in once or twice so that your not just smearing shit up your crack.

You have such a way with words

[Jive Turkey]

I just don't like to feel like I'm digging around my ass while sitting down.

I can understand not wanting to move you hand over a pile of fresh shit but that’s why you lean to one side and do it at an angle.

If you stand your cheeks close whether you flex or not. The only way around that is to adopt a wide stance, which would require taking at least one leg out of your trousers, or to hand spread your cheeks. That’s a lot of work. On the pot your ass is already wide open and you’ve got both hands free.

[David]

Bidet: pronounced, 'Bi-day'

How to operate a bidet	Small | Large

[Jive Turkey]

The Japanese have done you one better with an ass sprayer built into the toilet seat. Adjustable temperature and water pressure, and heated seats. Some even have a blow dryer for your bum.
I've got to say it took a while to get used to having a stream of water shot at my ass, but my dog blossom is as clean as a whistle.

[GarglesCmen]

The Japanese have done you one better with an ass sprayer built into the toilet seat. Adjustable temperature and water pressure, and heated seats. Some even have a blow dryer for your bum.
I've got to say it took a while to get used to having a stream of water shot at my ass, but my dog blossom is as clean as a whistle.

Your way with words, does not cease to impress

[BraveUlysses]

any one else rip out hairs when they whipe some times? or is it just me? another thing comes to mind a question me and my friends have been trying to answer for a while. what is the easyest way to get ride of but hair? i have a jungle and i need help people ahah

Every time

[DaSk8D00D]

i fucking HATE when i dont wipe my ass enough and end up feeling a lil irritation my crack a while afterwards. seriously, it happens way too often

[pancake man]

I use to stand to wipe, but now I am a converted sitter

[Jive Turkey]

I use to stand to wipe, but now I am a converted sitter

Good lad. Welcome to the flock.

[sprayTAN101]

i fucking HATE when i dont wipe my ass enough and end up feeling a lil irritation my crack a while afterwards. seriously, it happens way too often

it happens. especially post drinking. my number one tip is to make a ball of TP and make give it a splash in the sink (if within reach). that baby takes care of even the toughest of remnants. proceed with a single regular wipe = done.

[Karlos]

i fucking HATE when i dont wipe my ass enough and end up feeling a lil irritation my crack a while afterwards. seriously, it happens way too often

it happens. especially post drinking. my number one tip is to make a ball of TP and make give it a splash in the sink (if within reach). that baby takes care of even the toughest of remnants. proceed with a single regular wipe = done.

just spit on it

[brownjenkin]

If I do a gnarly crap and I still don't feel quite clean enough after wiping, I sit on the edge of my tub with my ass hanging over and give a nice rinse with warm water then towel dry. Like mini shower just for my butt.

An itchy, greasy feeling asshole can ruin my fucking day.

[pica]

one of the dudes from school only wiped his ass with cotton batting.
he had to use it once cause there was no more toilet paper and now he swears by it.
he said he wouldn't let anything rougher to his ass. his girfriend had to carry a bag of cotton batting in her handbag all the time.
i'd totally try it, but i'm afraid of getting addicted and i don't want to have to persuade my girl to carry that stuff around.

[friendly dave]

Went on a hike yesterday. As soon as I started I felt a little rumble in my stomach, didn't think anything of it, and figured it'd just go away. I was wrong. The rumble, and subsequent turtle headding only got worse. At about mile 4 on my hike it was game time. I was either going to shit my pants or shit in the woods. Now this hike had a lot of switchbacks, and not a whole lot of areas for a nice secluded dump. Luckily for me, off the end of one of the switch backs was an old landslide/boulder field. So I cut through the bushes off the end of the trail, across the rocks until I got down to a few big boulders I could duck behind. And just in time too. As soon as I got my shorts down, I splattered what was left of the prior night's tater tots all over the rocks below me. It smelled something awful. Now normally in this situation, you could just sacrifice a sock, but since I had quite a walk ahead of me still, that wasn't an option. So standing there with my shorts still down around my knees, dick swingin in the breeze, I grab my pocket knife, pull my shirt off, and cut the sleeves off. Those sleeves really saved my ass. I cleaned myself up, scurried back across the rock field to the trail, and immediately bumped into a couple I had seen about an hour earlier. I wonder if they wondered where my sleeves went?

[sleepypancakes]

Went on a hike yesterday. As soon as I started I felt a little rumble in my stomach, didn't think anything of it, and figured it'd just go away. I was wrong. The rumble, and subsequent turtle headding only got worse. At about mile 4 on my hike it was game time. I was either going to shit my pants or shit in the woods. Now this hike had a lot of switchbacks, and not a whole lot of areas for a nice secluded dump. Luckily for me, off the end of one of the switch backs was an old landslide/boulder field. So I cut through the bushes off the end of the trail, across the rocks until I got down to a few big boulders I could duck behind. And just in time too. As soon as I got my shorts down, I splattered what was left of the prior night's tater tots all over the rocks below me. It smelled something awful. Now normally in this situation, you could just sacrifice a sock, but since I had quite a walk ahead of me still, that wasn't an option. So standing there with my shorts still down around my knees, dick swingin in the breeze, I grab my pocket knife, pull my shirt off, and cut the sleeves off. Those sleeves really saved my ass. I cleaned myself up, scurried back across the rock field to the trail, and immediately bumped into a couple I had seen about an hour earlier. I wonder if they wondered where my sleeves went?

...damn. Respect.

[zonar]

[HATE!]

I just farted mid-wipe.  Nothing bad happened, but it was terrifying.

[DontTreadgoShred]

Not to stray too far from the subject, cause this thread is classic. But i'd like to talk about clogging toilets for a moment. Amongst my friends, my name is synonymous for wrecking toilets. My first account was at my friends house at around the age of fifteen, I was waiting on my ride back home before dropping trow because I knew it was about to be a terror. After a brief conversation with my pops on the phone and finding out I had to wait longer, I had no other choice but to destroy my friends guest bathroom. Now my hesitation came from knowing that this toilet/bathroom is very rustic, and I didnt trust it in the first place. So after I dueced it and wiped my ass for a solid twenty minutes, I flushed the toilet in pure hesitance. As I assumed the toilet clogged right off the bat, so Im already sketched and the adrenaline is flowing. I stood there staring at the bowl of steaming pho' in contemplation, trying to decide whether or not to huck another flush. With time running out I made the awful decision to flush the pot again, as the water was at about half full. I immediately knew I fucked up, and as the water starting over-flowing I was pacing back and forth mumbling to myself "oh shit, oh shit" no pun intended. I quickly re arranged the furniture in the bathroom like it was gonna make a fuckin difference, threw the floormat over the shower curtain, and stood in fear as I witnessed the behemoth turd hit the polished floor. I gasped, and in the heat of the moment I picked up the turd bare handed and threw it in the trashcan. I then buried it with excess toilet paper as if it was gonna mask the scent, then I fuckin dipped. 
    This whole time this sitcom was happening my friend was at work, and I had to break the news to him over the phone. Needless to say, he was quite shitty. But in due time he forgave me and it will forever be a good laugh

[HATE!]

As much as I hate 90% of new posters, I think you're fucking great.  I love that you rearranged the furniture.

[DontTreadgoShred]

dang I'm glad to hear that. And as far as the ass wiping goes I'm a "sit on the pot" kind of guy, although depending on the circumstance I stand wipe when its more efficient. Basically if I'm in a cubicle type of environment I like to utilize the space to my advantage, whatever gets the job done. I'm also very cautious when it comes to public shitters, I like adding a layer of toilet paper onto the ass seat for more comfort. One of those things that should be ok, but isnt.

  Hell, only God can judge me.

[HATE!]

I don't know how standers deal with tiny stalls, it seems like it would be very awkward.  And yes- a nest is always a must in a public situation.  You know dudes will go in there and just piss everywhere and you know the poor fuck that has to clean it doesn't do a good job.