Facebook Twitter MySpace YouTube



Forum Search   Advanced Search
April 18, 2014, 08:31:56 PM
Welcome, Guest.
Please login above or register.
News: OIAM!
   
Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 ... 10
   
Author Topic: wiping your butt  (Read 33955 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
StabMasterArson
SLAP Pal
******
Rep: 494
Posts: 3365


Ignore
« Reply #30 on: June 05, 2008, 08:16:13 AM »

remember when Big brother made fun of Lutzka for wraping the toilet paper around his hand like a glove? He should just use all his 2nd and 3rd place trophies, you know he hates them anyways.
Logged
Sony MDR V2 headphones
Guest

« Reply #31 on: June 05, 2008, 08:16:53 AM »

imagine having to wipe your butt with your left hand (or right hand for some of you). that seems like it would be incredibly difficult.

i can't wait till my next shit.
i think i'm going to take off all my clothes, stand up, spread my butt cheeks, wipe with my left hand, and look at the paper before i flush.

Everyone on slap is backing you.
Logged
nocomply
Hero Member
*****
Rep: 146
Posts: 961
Handsome


Ignore
« Reply #32 on: June 05, 2008, 08:18:11 AM »

I've wanted to start a thread like this for a while. Anyway...

Back-to-front is't a big deal if you lift your balls up and out of the way.

also, I fold the paper... my old roomates acted like I was a retard for folding the tp. they said that they just grab a bunch of paper, crumple, and wipe.  this just doesn't sound effective to me. I've always wondered what the ratio of folders vs. crumplers was.
Logged
jrock
Guest

« Reply #33 on: June 05, 2008, 08:21:05 AM »

folder here....
Logged
Ronald Wilson Reagan
SLAP Pal
******
Rep: -153
Posts: 20652
I own Malibu? I am going to fuck you.


Ignore
« Reply #34 on: June 05, 2008, 08:48:20 AM »

You gotta look when you wipe so you know how you are doing.
I stand up when I wipe, and have had this conversation before. I can see sitting down, but it seems sketchy to blindly stick your hand near a pool of water that is filled with shit. Also, I am left handed, and often times the tp dispenser is on the right, I got used to standing up to grab some with my left paw.
Interesting though, nobody brought up dingleberry prevention in my last convo. Good point!
Logged
bill hates
Guest

« Reply #35 on: June 05, 2008, 08:59:15 AM »

i get three squares, fold. wipe. fold over. wipe. looking after each wipe. sitting down.

also, i try to shit before i pee so i dont get a cold piss splash on my anus when i pinch off a large one.
Logged
Ronald Wilson Reagan
SLAP Pal
******
Rep: -153
Posts: 20652
I own Malibu? I am going to fuck you.


Ignore
« Reply #36 on: June 05, 2008, 09:10:55 AM »

ewww. Why do people keep saying they use the same piece multiple times? I don't care if its clean in one spot, once it is covered in my shit anywhere, I drop it off asap. If you got extra clean space on the paper, you are using too much in one wipe.
Logged
Snarf
Newbie
*
Rep: 3
Posts: 29


Ignore
« Reply #37 on: June 05, 2008, 09:18:08 AM »

I don't know if it's true, but I heard in some middle eastern cultures, they'll only wipe with the hand that they don't use for shaking hands.  In one way that seems incredibly civilized, but on the other hand, washing your hands is just as legit.

I think they eat with the right and wipe with the left. And back in the day when someone was caught stealing they would cut off the right hand so they would have to eat with the shit hand.
Logged
Be considerate to others, or i will bite your torso and give you a disease.
frisco
Guest

« Reply #38 on: June 05, 2008, 09:20:50 AM »

the most gnarly thing is when you do your last strong pinch to get everything out and theres one little bastard that completley fucks up your system down there.

it is the messiest thing, one time it happened and i just said fuck this and didnt go to class, took a shower instead, my asshole is hairy.

i never really stood up until about a month or two ago, but ive been looking for about 3 years, i always thought it was wierd though i never knew if anyone else did.

thats why slap is so legit, unanswered questions get answered (why does the spelling of that looks so wierd)
Logged
Ronald Wilson Reagan
SLAP Pal
******
Rep: -153
Posts: 20652
I own Malibu? I am going to fuck you.


Ignore
« Reply #39 on: June 05, 2008, 09:33:14 AM »

Showers are amazing for those afflicted with a hairy ass.

I read a Carnie article in Big Brother where he said nairing his ass worked good for the wiping, but the itching and burning were more than he could handle when it grew back in. Still, I kinda want to try it just to relive my youth of clean breaks.
Logged
kilgore.
Guest

« Reply #40 on: June 05, 2008, 09:36:48 AM »

in the shitting game, finesse is irrelevant. it's all about what you can do to get the doo out of your system, without a single trace left behind. when you're behind closed doors, going helter skelter on that ass is a must. you can't come out repping the doo on your anus, it's uncomfortable and just plain wrong. you can't go wrong with my flawless steps. also if you're out at night, drunk as a whistle and have no bathroom, don't even think about squatting behind a bush. go to the nearest pole put your hands on it then pull up and wrap the legs around it. there is a 100 percent chance that your shit will stay away from your shoes and your legs. i can't promote the sexiness of this art but the accuracy is as admirable as admiral can get.
Logged
mikefork
Guest

« Reply #41 on: June 05, 2008, 09:46:26 AM »

would it be wrong to post a picture of one of my dumps?

Logged
kilgore.
Guest

« Reply #42 on: June 05, 2008, 09:49:24 AM »

if it's a generic shit, don't bother. but if it comes out looking like kathy griffin or maybe wanda sykes, then i'm all for posting a picture of it.
Logged
frisco
Guest

« Reply #43 on: June 05, 2008, 09:51:28 AM »

in the shitting game, finesse is irrelevant. it's all about what you can do to get the doo out of your system, without a single trace left behind. when you're behind closed doors, going helter skelter on that ass is a must. you can't come out repping the doo on your anus, it's uncomfortable and just plain wrong. you can't go wrong with my flawless steps. also if you're out at night, drunk as a whistle and have no bathroom, don't even think about squatting behind a bush. go to the nearest pole put your hands on it then pull up and wrap the legs around it. there is a 100 percent chance that your shit will stay away from your shoes and your legs. i can't promote the sexiness of this art but the accuracy is as admirable as admiral can get.

hahaha i pictures someone doing this and laughed so hard
Logged
MexicanSpaniard
SLAP Pal
******
Rep: 505
Posts: 13084
E. P.


Ignore
« Reply #44 on: June 05, 2008, 10:00:13 AM »

I've discussed my techniques here before so I pose a question instead:
Do you sit down wipers go between the legs as if you had a vagina instead of a cock and balls or do you go around the backside?
Logged
Forever old



TEXAS
bizarro gub
Sr. Member
****
Rep: 6
Posts: 454
lincoln of the sea


Ignore
« Reply #45 on: June 05, 2008, 10:01:11 AM »

ewww. Why do people keep saying they use the same piece multiple times? I don't care if its clean in one spot, once it is covered in my shit anywhere, I drop it off asap. If you got extra clean space on the paper, you are using too much in one wipe.

were in a recession gipper, as much tp needs to be conserved as possible.

with that said lets talk about the hungover shit and the "wet wipe"
Logged
Alexactly shaves.
mikefork
Guest

« Reply #46 on: June 05, 2008, 10:01:52 AM »

if it's a generic shit, don't bother. but if it comes out looking like kathy griffin or maybe wanda sykes, then i'm all for posting a picture of it.
well, i had to hold it in for a few hours while i was at school once. i ran home as fast as i could, but i made sure to weigh myuself before i took it. i bomb dropped into the bowl and went to wipe, but it was a no wiper. i gave it a second safety wipe and there was still nothing. i weighed myself after and i weighed 4.2 pounds less than before. half of it went into the hole in the toilet, but from what was floating there i could tell that it was no joke. the underside of it kind of looked gray and slimey while the rest looked like a rocket ship that entered the atmosphere and almost didn't make it because the sides of the ship started to come off. i'm not sure if the scaled picture will give you the detail that i described
i'll post it later since imageshack isn't working for me right now
Logged
kilgore.
Guest

« Reply #47 on: June 05, 2008, 10:03:31 AM »

tinypic.com, i want to see this sucker.
Logged
H8R part 4
SLAP Pal
******
Rep: -301
Posts: 5099


Ignore
« Reply #48 on: June 05, 2008, 10:05:40 AM »

this thread is awesome!

yes i look after wiping so i know if i need to wipe again.  sometimes you get that never ending wipe, nah mean.
sometimes you get blessed with the 1 wiper but i still throw in an extra wipe just incase it was a fluke.   
i use at least 20 squares and ball it up to make sure my fingers don't break through the TP and end up getting shit on my hands.
i usually wipe sitting down but standing up depends on how explosive the shit is. 

and yes, sometimes theres blood on the TP after i wipe.  i don't know why but i guess its from wiping too hard and pulling out some of your ass hairs?   
Logged
mikefork
Guest

« Reply #49 on: June 05, 2008, 10:15:27 AM »

tinypic.com, i want to see this sucker.
that didn't work for me either, so i had to upload it on myspace. it doesn't look like much now, but it was huge. it was also really wide
Logged
kilgore.
Guest

« Reply #50 on: June 05, 2008, 10:16:47 AM »

holy shit, that looks like daffy duck.
Logged
damian
Guest

« Reply #51 on: June 05, 2008, 10:28:23 AM »

how would you describe your daily intake of fiber, michael?
Logged
mikefork
Guest

« Reply #52 on: June 05, 2008, 10:37:03 AM »

well, i eat a lot of banana's early in the day which holds it in, but i also eat a lot of apples afterwards and they push it all out. everything else varies
Logged
dudebro
Hero Member
*****
Rep: 21
Posts: 703


Ignore
« Reply #53 on: June 05, 2008, 10:40:20 AM »

kilgore- you're making me laugh out loud.

ever have to take a shit while you're showering and you have to wipe a wet ass? its pretty hard to do because the tp just gets stuck to your wet cheeks. its a real bitch.
Logged
one-upping is rad.  so is beaming.  both so unquestionably identify the kooks...saves a lot of wasted time/small talk.  you instantly know who to avoid.
damian
Guest

« Reply #54 on: June 05, 2008, 10:43:48 AM »

pretty good fiber regiment. apples will do that for you. try a game that involves everyone skateboarding with you to drink a 64 oz. apple juice blend (not cocktail), and just have the normal skate around the city. the rest can be taken with a grain of salt, i dont know who wins, the first person to shit or the last? but trust, there will be shit.
Logged
MexicanSpaniard
SLAP Pal
******
Rep: 505
Posts: 13084
E. P.


Ignore
« Reply #55 on: June 05, 2008, 11:06:52 AM »

That's 2 times I've seen pictures of feces from a Slap poster now.
Logged
Forever old



TEXAS
wake and bacon
SLAP Pal
******
Rep: 64
Posts: 2293
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞


Ignore
« Reply #56 on: June 05, 2008, 11:24:06 AM »

shit IN the shower? are you serious?

i sit when i wipe, leave one cheek (usually the left) on the seat, the other way in the air to spread the wiping area as much as possible, one quick wipe from behind (not the vagina cock/balls way MS described) with folded tp, and im usually good to go. occasionally i don't really even need to wipe (always do though).

i shit alot, maybe 3 or 4 times a day

fast metabolism
Logged
Smiley I must have been tripping last night
longballlarry
SLAP Pal
******
Rep: 171
Posts: 1109


Ignore
« Reply #57 on: June 05, 2008, 11:30:10 AM »

I've discussed my techniques here before so I pose a question instead:
Do you sit down wipers go between the legs as if you had a vagina instead of a cock and balls or do you go around the backside?

i kind of lean on my left thigh/ass cheek and wipe with my right hand from the side.
that way my butt cheeks are nice and spread out.
it seems like the cock and balls would get in the way if i did it between the legs.

what do you stand up wipers do with your shirts (if you're wearing them) when your wiping?
do you just like pull it up and kind of hold the bottom of it with your chin pressed against your chest? or do you just let them hang?
Logged
I used to post
kilgore.
Guest

« Reply #58 on: June 05, 2008, 11:33:51 AM »

you bite the bottom front end of your shirt with your teeth of course. you don't want a bit of wanda sykes' make up getting on the tail end of your shirt.
Logged
KnockoutNed
Guest

« Reply #59 on: June 05, 2008, 11:42:15 AM »

god i love slap.

does anyone ever feel like they have shit on their ass during the day, only to go to the bathroom and wipe and see nothing? maybe its just me and my psuedo-ocd.

Logged
Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 ... 10
   
 
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.11 | SMF © 2006-2009, Simple Machines LLC Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!