Vov Vurnquist

[cold budweisers]

Vov smash his child bride’s dried divide raw hyde, then cast aside.

chris is nice

[whisper raps]

whispers:

C Hans’ a bitch, tuggin’ Vov’s dick
With my complexion and voice, a jury’d never convict

I look and sound like a tween, so underage ain’t off limits
I rap the fundamentals, don’t rely on gimmicks

But C Hans it’s all good if you want to hang out
Go to church or do some shrooms; roll with me you’ll get clout

[Stoeipoes]

C-hanz, vov v. and J-rogz.

[Vov Vurnquist.]

^ Rap or GTFO.


This goes out to that trife ass role playing white boy, Vovert V.

The way Vov smoke dick, you’d think he’s Jeffery Stryker
When all Hanz on deck, Chris Number 1 like William Riker
At the Neverland Organic Ramp, kids decked out in chaps like they was bikers.

When Handsome tap ass he always Crusher like Wesley
Vov takin’ cues from the Ex of that bitch, Lisa-Marie Presley
Kids getting drunk on Jesus Juice, send Vov to Sing Sing, make it expressly.

Resistance is futile, so Chris break out the Astroglide.
Vov smash his child bride’s dried divide raw hyde, then cast aside.
Four consecutive life sentences. Chance of parole? Fuck it. Denied.

Roddenberry life.




-You know the name.

tell your wife to take a seat on Vovs buy-in-bulk peter
I beat it up until she fit to be a Wal Mart greeter
No holds barred, til labias say "free us"
then its straight to your kids' school, wine coolers in the Prius

one verse, your hearse.
seanapaul to you, good sir.

[Beer Keg Peg Leg]

^ Rap or GTFO.


This goes out to that trife ass role playing white boy, Vovert V.

The way Vov smoke dick, you’d think he’s Jeffery Stryker
When all Hanz on deck, Chris Number 1 like William Riker
At the Neverland Organic Ramp, kids decked out in chaps like they was bikers.

When Handsome tap ass he always Crusher like Wesley
Vov takin’ cues from the Ex of that bitch, Lisa-Marie Presley
Kids getting drunk on Jesus Juice, send Vov to Sing Sing, make it expressly.

Resistance is futile, so Chris break out the Astroglide.
Vov smash his child bride’s dried divide raw hyde, then cast aside.
Four consecutive life sentences. Chance of parole? Fuck it. Denied.

Roddenberry life.




-You know the name.

tell your wife to take a seat on Vovs buy-in-bulk peter
I beat it up until she fit to be a Wal Mart greeter
No holds barred, til labias say "free us"
then its straight to your kids' school, wine coolers in the Prius

one verse, your hearse.
seanapaul to you, good sir.

I think I may love you. If I had kids, I'd be tempted to let you molest them.

[ahlee]

Im bumping this in hopes it will light a fire under this mans jen obrien scented posting palms

[tysj!]

Thanks for bumping one the best best threads to ever grace this board. Careers were made here and ended for some. Poor Chad didn't stand a chance.

[TapLuxiferfet]

DICK RIDE MY STONE COCK GARGOYLE 4 LIFE
BAR HOP ON CROWN ROYAL
NO YOU DON'T
NO
NO
IS HOW YOU FLOW
THINK YOU COULD HANDLE A BAR FIGHT
HA YOU LOST THE ROSHAMBO
WHAT BITCH GARGOYLES 4 LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

09 STRAIGHT ON TOP THE BUILDINGS

[ahlee]

pretty tite rap y0

[TapLuxiferfet]

YO DUNKA G
UMA THURMAN RUBBING MY DICK
MARIJUANA UP IN MY PIPE
LIFE AS A GARGOYLE
PULP FICTION SLASH THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT
FIST UP YOUR ASS
HA DON'T SNEEZE AND LAUGH WE CALL THAT A HILARIOUS GAZOONTIGHT
CHARIOTS OF FIRE MOTHERFUCKER I WAS AN EXTRA IN PROM NIGHT
OSIRIS LINGERE LINE CHRISTMAS 09 CATCH ME ON THE RUNWAY
I'LL MODEL THAT SHIT LIKE A HERMAPHADITE
WHAT FUCKHEAD GARGOYLE STATUS AIN'T NO JOKE
THINK YOU LARGE FUCK YOUS AN ANT UNDER A MAGNIFYING GLASS
CHECK THE HUBBLE TELESCOPE

I'M A NEWLY DISCOVERED PLANET

DO THE MATH

I'M HELLA DOPE

CHANZ OR VOV FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE
GARGOYLE BITCH I AIN'T NO DRAGON
I CAN NEVER BE SLAYED

I AIN'T NO JOKE BITCH GARGOYLES 4 LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ahlee]

alright alright, let me give this a whirl...

YO YO YO...

...youre a faggot.

[TapLuxiferfet]

alright alright, let me give this a whirl...

YO YO YO...

...youre a faggot.

YO YO YO
I DON'T PLAY WITH YO YO'S
DON'T CALL ME A FAGGOT THATS NOT POLITE
NO HOMO
MAYBE YOU SHOULD GROW UP LIKE RYAN SHECKLER
NO BROMO
I'M A GARGOYLE 4 LIFE CHECK MY PHOTOS IN HECKLER
WHAT WHAT GARGOYLES RUN THE STREETS I AIN'T NO JOKE BITCH I AIN'T NO JOKE
HA!

[ahlee]

[Chris Hansen is back]

Vov down on the waterfront, could have been a contender
Straight focused his account, put past splendor in his fruit smoothie blender.
Flew his white organic cotton jizz sock from his compound gates, packed it in, full surrender.

Took a short grind of a long Canyon now he free fallin’ like Tom Petty.
He smash at the bottom, cut up like machete, future aint lookin’ bright, fuckin’ human confetti.
Hanzy up in the comfort of his own home, munchin’ whole-wheat spaghetti.
Got Vov’s spine on a plinth, a work of art, straight Giacometti.

-Domestic Bliss Life.

[FakieFlipCG]

Vov down on the waterfront, could have been a contender
Straight focused his account, put past splendor in his fruit smoothie blender.
Flew his white organic cotton jizz sock from his compound gates, packed it in, full surrender.

Took a short grind of a long Canyon now he free fallin’ like Tom Petty.
He smash at the bottom, cut up like machete, future aint lookin’ bright, fuckin’ human confetti.
Hanzy up in the comfort of his own home, munchin’ whole-wheat spaghetti.
Got Vov’s spine on a plinth, a work of art, straight Giacometti.

-Domestic Bliss Life.

commence  slow-clap now.

[MurrayHewitt]

[brooklyn brawler]

THIS IS BERRA AND KOSTON'S FAULT

[Chris Hansen is back]

Bump this thread like Judge Dread pump lead.


Here lies the body of Vovert V.
Trife ass nigga of inbred pedigree.
Vile vector of filth, straight hepatitis B.
Tombstone overgrown with Brazil nut trees
Smashed in by vandals, nothin’ left but debris.
So on this day C-Hanz must decree:
He’s guaranteed nicest emcee, to ever grace the marquee
This whole verse, off the top of the dome, insult to injury.

-Hanz in glove.

[everypennyfedcar]

wait, this thread isn't classic slap?

[Snickers]

wait, this thread isn't classic slap?

bump

[professional]

greatest thread I have ever read through on Slap. So stoked for my first day of work now, thanks C Hans.

[SFblah]

wait, this thread isn't classic slap?

bump

It should be Classic.  I bookmarked it forever ago.

[raul]

How did this fly under my radar for a year and a half? I laugh, I cried, and I referred to Wikipedia and the dictionary a bunch of times throughout this thing. I hope this thread wins an award.

[Chris Hansen is back]

Vovvy, Come back.


Christopher Hansen’s got more Hoes than a Thunder-Cat
Vov jerkin’ to Huggies ads, dick hard from the baby fat.
C’s schlong so long, he needs a Mexican Jimmy Hat.
I’m straight Macaulay and Vov Dansen, getting even, tit for tat.

Slim-Jim length and King-Cobra can girth
When C hit wifey’s section, no hope for Vaginal birth.
I wreck pussies from Lansing down to Fort Worth.
Meanwhile,Vov actin’ gay for Tom Ford, like he was Colin Firth.


Vov, getting called out like BINGO was his name-o
Chris is bound stir up controversy like reinstating Jim Crow
Vov treat take your kid to work, like a Saigon strip show
Chris primed to slice off tiny appendages, modern day Van Gogh
Tossin’ out social commentary like this was a hammer throw,
Word to Henry David Thoreau.


I'm Chris Hansen

[blackalbino]

does not get any better than this

[sweets]

Wow. Motherfucking wow.

[Bipsmound]

Upon yonder hills do my eyes deceive
Hanson with a stale reprieve
Tooting his horn like a rusty trumpet
Bragging hard cause he bagged a strumpet

Seeking to tarnish Vov's varnish
With unreasonable claims of penile garnish
Indisputable king says he
But I'm still here and I'm still free

Orphan children in my bed
They smile and laugh and give me head
The love of minors envelopes my bloom
As they learn to play my wood bassoon

A half hour or more he spends on his rebuttal
I'm already out the door with a tight end to scuttle
Hanson's wrath may know no bounds
As I mine his children, even those with downs.

[Chris Hansen is back]

Oh blah dee, oh blah da,

Bips got his prick buried in Corky, from Life Goes On.
Layin’ waste to mongoloid’s butt-holes, like he be Genghis Khan.
Treatin’ special-ed report cards like porn, a target to cum-on.
Straight Mcgonagall poetry bites is tired, Bips’ lyrical account, overdrawn.
Drop a whole track? Pssh, Only if agreed upon.
Next poem you write will be your last, something like a swan-song.
For now, fuck it and fuck you Bips, conclusion is forgone.

[Bipsmound]

My last poem will be on Swan Song, Led Zeppelin's label
Annihilating child rectum like an old witch in a fable
Rocking the bells on your son's Christmas socks
Affecting more youngsters than the return of smallpox

My didgeridoo ain't gettin played by a hippy
All the kids be screamin, "give it to me Bippy!"
Your hunting skills fall way short of correct
With C-Hanz Jr. always callin me collect 

[pyrex vision]