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Author Topic: wiping your butt  (Read 40855 times)
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SodaJerk
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« Reply #270 on: July 20, 2013, 08:10:31 AM »

i stand up as well. had a conversation with my brother about this, he's a sitter. i expected familial clustering.
I would have assumed some sort of hereditary wiping traits to be the norm too. I'm going to have to check with my brother on this. I'm a stander and am amazed at the amount of sitters here. I'm positively bamboozled by the mere mention of scrunching over folding too, I knew it existed but thought it was more for the fairer sex with there relatively hairless toilet holes and lack of hanging junk in the way. Here's my take, standing, slight lean forward with a quarter twist, reach around the body, 3 to 4 sheets folded, wipe, fold repeat and keep repeating until there is no trace left or the paper is to small to fold again. If you need more paper better to use it than leave skid marks on your smalls. Problem turds may take a little more wrangling involving wet wipes, a shower or if no shower is present a vigorous basin wash hand towels be damned. No paper means sacrificing at least one sock. I'm super regular and like to back one out at least at the ratio of one to one per meal. The only thing that has ever broken this has been heavy opiate based pain medication.
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L33Tg33k
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« Reply #271 on: July 25, 2013, 05:56:34 PM »

I wipe with damp tp and then pretty much just wash my ass with soap and rag after every shit. It's never clean enough.
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pinche gringo
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« Reply #272 on: July 25, 2013, 06:47:37 PM »

Sitter. I use wet wipes if possible, otherwise I'll run the damp tp/papertowel.
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brownjenkin
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« Reply #273 on: July 25, 2013, 10:45:06 PM »

If you're running wet wipes as part of your wiping routine, I hope you're following it up with some dry wiping of some sort. There's no way I'm pulling up my pants with slippery cheeks.
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pinche gringo
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« Reply #274 on: July 26, 2013, 02:43:38 PM »

If you're running wet wipes as part of your wiping routine, I hope you're following it up with some dry wiping of some sort. There's no way I'm pulling up my pants with slippery cheeks.

Absolutely, the goal is clean and dry when finished.
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ice nine
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« Reply #275 on: July 26, 2013, 04:15:53 PM »

it's hard to know when to stop wiping when there's just more and more blood every time I wipe
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SodaJerk
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« Reply #276 on: July 27, 2013, 07:26:46 AM »

it's hard to know when to stop wiping when there's just more and more blood every time I wipe
That's harsh man. You might want to get checked for hemorroids or you could have an anal fissure.
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L33Tg33k
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« Reply #277 on: July 27, 2013, 03:06:29 PM »

it's hard to know when to stop wiping when there's just more and more blood every time I wipe
You're probably joking, but I sometimes have this problem.
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pencil
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« Reply #278 on: October 02, 2013, 03:01:30 PM »

it's hard to know when to stop wiping when there's just more and more blood every time I wipe
You're probably joking, but I sometimes have this problem.

dude your life literally sucks so bad that im trying to post 1000 times just t o gnar u
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ROCKxADIO420
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« Reply #279 on: October 03, 2013, 02:04:18 PM »

i have an adorable jack russell terrier named max who licks my butthole clean after every shit



love you, max.
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.CHET THOMAS.
pencil
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« Reply #280 on: October 03, 2013, 02:09:13 PM »

i have an adorable jack russell terrier named max who licks my butthole clean after every shit



love you, max.

may is so lucky i wish that were my job
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Hairy Ballsagna
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« Reply #281 on: October 07, 2013, 09:03:03 PM »

I used to be broke.  I pared my diet down to cheesy jalapeno bread which I made from 25 lb bags of flour that my mom bought me at costco, giant bags of cheap jalapenos from the grocery outlet, and I'd splurge on cheese.

 I figured I could pretty much live on it. Cheese has protein, jalapenos could ward off scurvy and flour filled me up. But the problem was that my ass usually bled when I wiped it. I would usually make a loaf or two, eat nothing but those loaves until they were gone, and then eat other stuff for a couple days until I had time for more baking. It took me a while to connect the blood coming out of my asshole with the jalapeno cheesy bread, but I eventually figured it out and shifted to a pasta, tortillas and peanut butter diet.

 I didn't have to work on Fridays, so for some weird reason I volunteered at the food bank at 7 a.m. For some other weird reason I always got really drunk on Thursday nights. At the food bank I'd have to keep taking breaks from sorting cans of food with seniors and chatting with my grey-haired friend Dale about his storage business to take messy shits and then find red on the wiping paper.

I got to take home lots of food after volunteering at the food bank though, so I guess the jalapeno cheesy bread diet became unnecessary. Every once in a while, I'll bleed a little out of my asshole and reminisce about simpler times when my TP regularly came up red.
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360 frip
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« Reply #282 on: October 09, 2013, 07:52:07 AM »

i have an adorable jack russell terrier named max who licks my butthole clean after every shit



love you, max.

Pics or get out.
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ThugWaffle
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« Reply #283 on: October 16, 2013, 06:50:32 PM »

I used to be broke.  I pared my diet down to cheesy jalapeno bread which I made from 25 lb bags of flour that my mom bought me at costco, giant bags of cheap jalapenos from the grocery outlet, and I'd splurge on cheese.

 I figured I could pretty much live on it. Cheese has protein, jalapenos could ward off scurvy and flour filled me up. But the problem was that my ass usually bled when I wiped it. I would usually make a loaf or two, eat nothing but those loaves until they were gone, and then eat other stuff for a couple days until I had time for more baking. It took me a while to connect the blood coming out of my asshole with the jalapeno cheesy bread, but I eventually figured it out and shifted to a pasta, tortillas and peanut butter diet.

 I didn't have to work on Fridays, so for some weird reason I volunteered at the food bank at 7 a.m. For some other weird reason I always got really drunk on Thursday nights. At the food bank I'd have to keep taking breaks from sorting cans of food with seniors and chatting with my grey-haired friend Dale about his storage business to take messy shits and then find red on the wiping paper.

I got to take home lots of food after volunteering at the food bank though, so I guess the jalapeno cheesy bread diet became unnecessary. Every once in a while, I'll bleed a little out of my asshole and reminisce about simpler times when my TP regularly came up red.

Damn, made me appreciate life a bit more.
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pencil
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« Reply #284 on: October 22, 2013, 11:11:49 AM »

I used to be broke.  I pared my diet down to cheesy jalapeno bread which I made from 25 lb bags of flour that my mom bought me at costco, giant bags of cheap jalapenos from the grocery outlet, and I'd splurge on cheese.

 I figured I could pretty much live on it. Cheese has protein, jalapenos could ward off scurvy and flour filled me up. But the problem was that my ass usually bled when I wiped it. I would usually make a loaf or two, eat nothing but those loaves until they were gone, and then eat other stuff for a couple days until I had time for more baking. It took me a while to connect the blood coming out of my asshole with the jalapeno cheesy bread, but I eventually figured it out and shifted to a pasta, tortillas and peanut butter diet.

 I didn't have to work on Fridays, so for some weird reason I volunteered at the food bank at 7 a.m. For some other weird reason I always got really drunk on Thursday nights. At the food bank I'd have to keep taking breaks from sorting cans of food with seniors and chatting with my grey-haired friend Dale about his storage business to take messy shits and then find red on the wiping paper.

I got to take home lots of food after volunteering at the food bank though, so I guess the jalapeno cheesy bread diet became unnecessary. Every once in a while, I'll bleed a little out of my asshole and reminisce about simpler times when my TP regularly came up red.

Damn, made me appreciate life a bit more.

fuck ur life lol
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McGooch
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« Reply #285 on: June 21, 2014, 10:13:04 PM »

Let me inform some of you poop noobs of the perfect pinch.

No iphones, tablets or computers during. Gotta clean up while it's fresh.

Alternate between damp and dry using 3-4 sheets clumped (granted you're near a sink) . Always check until you get a clean wipe and usually an additional safety wipe.

Standing up takes more effort and is less effective. Sit, lean forward, hand back around right leg. Go from back to balls. Much more torque and friction.

So how do you fellows go about cleaning in the shower? Do you use a rag or a loofah? Dispose after use or reuse? Plain hand and soap?
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« Reply #286 on: July 21, 2014, 01:41:08 PM »

Every once in a while, I'll bleed a little out of my asshole and reminisce about simpler times when my TP regularly came up red.
The simpler times.. like Little House on The Prairie
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ttching!
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« Reply #287 on: July 21, 2014, 03:34:10 PM »

Every once in a while, I'll bleed a little out of my asshole and reminisce about simpler times when my TP regularly came up red.
The simpler times.. like Little House on The Prairie

Like little house next door to Chase Gabor.
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rim reaper
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« Reply #288 on: July 29, 2014, 03:54:26 AM »

Let me inform some of you poop noobs of the perfect pinch.

No iphones, tablets or computers during. Gotta clean up while it's fresh.

Alternate between damp and dry using 3-4 sheets clumped (granted you're near a sink) . Always check until you get a clean wipe and usually an additional safety wipe.

Standing up takes more effort and is less effective. Sit, lean forward, hand back around right leg. Go from back to balls. Much more torque and friction.

So how do you fellows go about cleaning in the shower? Do you use a rag or a loofah? Dispose after use or reuse? Plain hand and soap?

just spit on it like you would on a vagina. thats the essence of being a human
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tobey
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« Reply #289 on: August 10, 2014, 08:23:26 PM »

i remember when i was a kid i would get done shitting and then sit on the sink and wash my asshole and then dry it. I did this because i would literally wipe for about 3-5 minutes non stop ( i still do) and i hated that
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ill_Murray
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« Reply #290 on: August 24, 2014, 07:14:24 PM »

i remember when i was a kid i would get done shitting and then sit on the sink and wash my asshole and then dry it. I did this because i would literally wipe for about 3-5 minutes non stop ( i still do) and i hated that


Go getcha wet wipes.  And quit eatin ya boogers Tobey.
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tobey
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« Reply #291 on: August 24, 2014, 08:55:56 PM »

i remember when i was a kid i would get done shitting and then sit on the sink and wash my asshole and then dry it. I did this because i would literally wipe for about 3-5 minutes non stop ( i still do) and i hated that


Go getcha wet wipes.  And quit eatin ya boogers Tobey.

do you think thats the problem? i mean it makes sense i been having to wipe so much since i was a kid and i have been eating my boogers since forever
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straight
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« Reply #292 on: November 07, 2014, 03:39:44 PM »

Had to shit so bad today at work . I'm in construction so have to use the porter john. I don't know what it is about j jons at job sites but it's like you're back living with barbarians. Fuck. Shit splattered toilet seats. Toilet paper EVERYWHERE. God dammit anyways. So I'm squatting and il out of shape legs twitching trying to hold me up and aiming towards the hole looking through my legs. Breakfast burrito from Taco Bell went right through me. Start shitting like a contemporary painter flinging paint splatter from his brush onto a canvas. Here comes the wiping part- so I'm a sitter. I'm literally sweating at this point with my face in the god damn urinal as I'm dabbing my asshole with tp balls. Everything I don't do during my nofbL shots was performed today . I can't wait to shower and drink away my memories.
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just like i suck my own nipples and feet, yes i would

Tay
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« Reply #293 on: November 24, 2014, 01:56:27 PM »

Go from back to balls. Much more torque and friction.

Men are amazing. This would cause one hell of a yeast infection. Although, I've heard tell of women with girth problems wiping feces into their labia due to excessive insurmountable belly fat, leaving a secret trail which ultimately leads to vaginal candidiasis.  Undecided
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« Reply #294 on: December 08, 2014, 03:20:01 AM »

I only take aqua turds. Benefits of living on a house boat.
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« Reply #295 on: December 24, 2014, 06:28:33 PM »

I only take aqua turds. Benefits of living on a house boat.

Like you get in the water and shit? I did that in a river once. It was an incredible feeling.
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straight
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« Reply #296 on: January 19, 2015, 05:16:08 PM »

I only take aqua turds. Benefits of living on a house boat.

Like you get in the water and shit? I did that in a river once. It was an incredible feeling.

I've taken a couple aqua turds in my life. Ocean style. You are correct it is an incredible feeling. Scary part was the salt made it a floater and I was afraid it was gonna hit someone in the face. I was just outside the break with a semi crowded crowded surf bunch
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KING TUT
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« Reply #297 on: February 01, 2015, 09:48:22 PM »

it does feel quite good ^

 do you know what's amazing and what I miss a lot, those poo hoses they have in south east Asia. My butthole has never felt so clean.
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« Reply #298 on: February 01, 2015, 10:05:19 PM »

I have a friend that every time we go swimming in a river or lake, he takes a shit, just  cause he loves how it feels.

I've still never done it, I think I'm too private a pooper to go while within eyesight of all my friends.
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« Reply #299 on: February 01, 2015, 10:16:38 PM »

I heard a guy once do this water pooing in Fiji, and all these tropical fish munched his poo in a mater of seconds. True story.
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