CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation

[Bipsmound]

You consider each outfit with the careful deliberation of a Nasa engineer.  The blue of the denim complements your eyes of deepest azure as you slip into the well worn jeans and jacket.  The pants fit tighter than OJ's glove and you catch your reflection in the mirror of the wardrobe.  Seeing your image fills you with a commanding sexual presence and you feel half a boner beginning to form at the thought of the escapades you could unleash on the public in a getup like this.  A tuft of chest hair peaks over the top button of your tight denim jacket and you feel as cocksure as William Shatner at a Star Trek convention.

"Ahh, now you are ready," says the little weirdo looking over your ensemble approvingly.  "Prince Alois will be at a gala dinner tonight at the Chateau Montlebon.  It is there he will see you, and there you will strike."   

You meet the weirdo in an alley outside the hotel shortly before the dinner is about to begin.  He provides you with a counterfeit handstamp to get you inside and wishes you luck.  You project great confidence as you swagger up the red carpet and through the doors of the hotel.  You make a beeline to the hotel bar.  You pull a picture of the prince out of your jacket pocket and survey the upper crust of Liechtenstein on hand to try and find a matching face.  You begin to feel slightly out of place amid the sea of tuxedos and evening gowns.  The bartender asks you what you'd like.

a) Mint Julep
b) Ask him for some of the good stuff and tap your nose twice
c) Announce loudly to the bar that "This sexy boy wants to party"
d) Tell him a long and rambling story about your days as a lieutenant in the Rhodesian military

[MexicanSpaniard]

A, B then C.

[rawbertson.]

B

[Jura]

We all know from past adventures that Chase Homely is into the nose candy...that said...

B!

[Donkey Lips]

B.  Be classy.

[sven thorkel]

what MS said. chase needs some white veins to get the party insane

[Watson]

Definitely B then C.

[The Drew]

b. b then c

[Beer Keg Peg Leg]

Definitely B then C.

[lem]

I was going to say C, but no sexy boy can party without a few drinks in him. So B.

[Choad Muskrat]

Definitely B then C.

[Boston.]

b then c!

[Zurg]

B

[Bipsmound]

You catch the bartender's lecherous eye and tap your nose twice, the international sign for nasal spices.  He taps his nose twice and points to the washroom.  You follow him into the handicapped stall and he wastes no time laying out some caterpillars on the immaculate porcelain of the toilet tank.  The bartender hits it with great gusto and motions for you to do the same.  As you stand up and tilt your head back to savor the sting, the bartender puts his arms around you from behind.  He starts rubbing gently rubbing your chest and it feels good, but not so good that you forget the task at hand.  You feel the sexual frenzy that your denim second skin exudes and momentarily marvel at its power.  Like moths to a flame you think to yourself.

You ask the bartender about Prince Alois, is he here?  The bartender is sullen and dejected at your rejection of his advances, but you manage to get it out of him that the Prince is in the upper dining hall entertaining a consortium of Lichtenstein's false teeth manufacturers.  You leave the bartender to cry in the toilet and ascend the lushly carpeted staircase to the second floor of the hotel.  Through the open double doors of the dining hall you see Prince Alois.  He is sitting at the head of a long dining table recounting some sort of anecdote to a crowd of attentive middle aged dumpy looking businessmen.  He speaks animatedly, his dark brown eyes darting from one listener to the next.  A well coiffed ponytail drapes over his sparkling gold tinged cape and you wonder to yourself how the burly dude at the bar could've been offended at you calling the Prince a fag.  The Prince sees you.  You:

a) Casually drop a handkerchief on the floor and bend over to pick it up with your posterior pointing his way
b) Slowly and seductively take two jelly bellies out of your trusty fanny pack and place one in each of your nostrils
c) Crawl towards him on the dinner table on your hands and knees while hissing and scratching like a cat
d) Happy Birthday a la Marilyn Monroe             

[Foray]

a

[MexicanSpaniard]

A, a little discretion is probably called for at this point but b and c sound like fun.

[Beer Keg Peg Leg]

How could anyone pick anything but

C

[All Hail Wu Welsh]

A, if that doesn't work then C

[The Drew]

a

[sven thorkel]

this is too hard. what back pocket do you put the handkerchief in to notify members of the gay communtity that you take it in the butt?
but wait, if you put a handkerchief in a fanny pack does that have extra naughty implications?

i'll have to go with A

[Watson]

A! You're wearing a Canadian tuxedo for fuck's sake. Work it!

[Boston.]

a then c then b

[Mooley]

No reason you can't throw a little posterior action his way through option C.

[Jura]

Again, as a follower of the series, I know that Chase's fanny pack contents are usually needed in some way, shape or form...

Im going with B.

[rawbertson.]

damn bips you a good writer yall got like adjectives and shit like that thats all proper and shit, all different ones and shit too like switchin it up really puttin me in the exact place of the story like i was really there!

id like to go D but then we aint savin nothin to the imagination
i aint really feelin C that much, aint fag enough
i dont think B is gonna work

so we gotta go with A

[CaptainMorganFreeman]

A, Chase has to start out subtle on this one i think

[Narcissus]

what about jellybeans in the posterior?

[pyrex vision]

A. ^ your sig is very relevant

[Zurg]

A

[Bipsmound]

Prince Alois halts his speech and looks you up and down intently.  The slovenly businessmen turn their eyes towards you and look on with surprise.  The Prince doesn't say a word, but you clearly have his attention.  You turn around facing away from him and remove a red handkerchief from your back right pocket.  Ever so casually, you let it fall to the ground in front of you.  Slowly, gracefully, you bend over from the waist to pick it up.  You can feel the seat of your pants begin to tighten across your corybungus.  You grab the hanky, your rump proudly displayed in all its glory for those present to marvel at.  Still bent over, you look back to see the Prince's jaw hanging open and you know you have him in the palm of your hand.  You raise your hand and bring it down upon your own buttocks with a great deal of force.  The tight stretched denim amplifies the slap like the skin of a drum and you reflect momentarily upon the resonance of your bum drum in the high arched ceilings of the dining hall. 

The moment the soundwaves reach the ear canal of Prince Alois, his pupils dialate considerably.  He stands up at once, intent on abandoning the befuddled businessmen that surround him.  He walks towards you, his lamé cape dragging across the plush red of the carpet.  As if in a trance, he takes you by the arm and leads you towards a private room up the stairs from the dining hall.

You both enter the room arm in arm and he shuts the door tight.  He turns to you and without saying a word begins to grope at your denim like a man drowning in quicksand.  He squeezes your bottom as if trying desperately to extract milk from it.  You pull him tightly towards you and turn him around by his shoulders.  He is moaning profusely as he tilts his head back, his luxuriantly soft ponytail rubbing against your neck and face. 

Quietely and deftly, you reach into your jacket pocket and pull out the small sleek blade the little weirdo gave you.  You hold him firmly with one arm and bring the knife to his throat with the other.  He gasps and freezes like a deer in headlights.  The Prince begins to tremble in your grip.  Softly at first, but progressively more violent.  You notice beads of sweat beginning to form all over his face as you hold his head back across your shoulder.

"What do you want?  Please... I'll give you anything.  I'll do anything.  I'll make you rich!  Just tell me, please!"

You:

a) Ask him if he wants to hear a joke
b) Tell him if he wants to live, he needs to turn Liechtenstein into an all expenses paid resort for retired explorers
c) Demand he turn over ownership of the Cincinnati Bengals to you
d) Slit him like a hog and let the red red kroovy flow