CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation

[Bipsmound]

You are an intrepid explorer named Chase Homely.  Your eyes are as blue as the water at a Club Med resort.  After bungling your last outing in the Orient terribly, your employer, the Society for a Better Understanding of Ethnic People (SBUEP), is sending you on a working vacation to the land of topless beaches and stale bread.  The SBUEP wants you to infiltrate the country known as Liechtenstein and find out what the hell is going on over there.  You decided to travel light and only brought the clothes on your back and your trusty fanny pack with the following items inside: a loofah brush, tarot cards (nudie deck), a slingshot, and an assortment of jelly bellies.

After landing in Vienna, you try in vain to find chartered transportation to the small alpine principality of Liechtenstein.  Finally you find a local who is willing to take you in his Fiat for no small sum of euros.  After several hours of winding mountain roads, you reach the border checkpoint where armed guards block the road into Liechtenstein.  In broken English the driver tells you that they probably won't let you through.  You:

a) Ask the driver why the fuck he didn't tell you that in the first place
b) Tell him you'll pay him a hefty bonus to gun it and break on through to the other side
c) Boot his Austrian corybungus out of the car and blast through yourself
d) Do the charleston     

[pancake man]

A and then C

[rawbertson.]

D

[Bipsmound]

You get out of the Fiat and walk slowly towards the guards.  The driver turns the car around and hightails it back to Austria.  As you approach the guards, they start to yell at you and point their rifles menacingly at your head.  You stop ten feet from the barricade they're standing behind as they howl like banshees.  You are cool and composed.  You calmly place your hands on your knees and start in with an exceptionally smooth charleston.  Immediately the yelling stops.  You look up at the guards and their mouths hang open in awe at your display of locomotive fortitude.  Your charleston continues, hypnotically lulling them into a deep trance.  One by one the guards collapse to the ground and slumber contentedly.  You observe the pleasant grins on each of their faces as they sleep.

Pleased with yourself, you march through the checkpoint and hike down the road into the valley of the capital of Liechtenstein, Vaduz.  You note the beauty of the valley and the quaint town that inhabits it.  Parched from your journey, you stop into a public house and order a large frothy ale.  The locals eye you suspiciously as you saddle up next to them at the bar.  Through your limited german, you can make out that they are gossiping about the Prince's sexual proclivities.  You:

a) Tell them that where you come from it's normal for leaders to have a harem of sultry sex slaves
b) Whip out the nudie pack of tarot cards
c) Challenge the big one with the curled moustache to an arm wrestling match
d) Tell them that their Prince is a fag   

[Rafiki]

B

[tysj!]

I love you.

A

[rawbertson.]

i personally like D again

[sven thorkel]

D, but i think everyone knows that the Liechtenstein princes wrists are limper then a bizkit 

[frisco]

D

stoked this is back

[Zurg]

D

[Bipsmound]

You swivel on your stool to face the locals.  They sense that you are about to say something and their idle chatter falls silent.  A mischievous sense of malice creeps into your frontal lobe as you hear yourself saying the words "Ihre prinz ein homosexuellen" slowly and deliberately.  The large fellow with the curled moustache locks eyes with you.  He rolls up the sleeve of his shirt to reveal the words Liechtenstein 4evah tattooed on his forearm.  His arm is as thick as your thigh.  He gets off his stool and walks over to you.  He pulls back his arm and as it crushes your face everything goes white.

You wake up in a dusty bed unsure how much time has passed.  Your head throbs considerably as you run your fingers over your swollen eye.  

"Ah, sleeping beauty has awoken!", says a squeaky voice from the corner of the room.  You look over to see a greasy little man of diminuitive stature rocking back and forth in his chair.  He studies you through his wire rimmed spectacles.  "You shouldn't tangle with that Horst, he's the strongest man in all of Liechtenstein.  Some people consider him a national hero, but not me."  You try and piece together how you ended up in this musty room with the little weirdo, but your mind draws a blank.

"I heard what you said about our prince", says the weirdo in a hushed tone.  "I agree with you!  He is a fag!  Listen, I brought you here in the hopes that you might help our cause.  The prince is a wicked wicked man of considerably loose morals, I'm part of a clandestine organization that aims to depose him by any means necessary.  Will you help us?"

a) Sure, you little weirdo
b) Not for all the tea in China
c) Only if you loofah my back first
d) Who do you work for?  

[sven thorkel]

C, every coup starts with a little exfoliation

[Bobbito]

C, A, A.

[Watson]

This is amazing.

A. This will help you gain valuable information to "find out what the hell is going on over there."

C would be nice, but the little weirdo has already established he's not a fan of faggotry.

[Bipsmound]

The little weirdo waits for your answer.  You sit up in your bed and wince at the pain in your side.  You manage to pull yourself to your feet, noticing that the only thing preventing your nudity is a pair of boxer shorts.  The weirdo sits patiently, his eyes fixed upon you.  You reach for your fanny pack on the floor and pull out a long filthy loofah.  You place the loofah in the little weirdo's hand as he looks up with a quizzical expression on his face.  You turn around and motion menacingly that he better get to work if he knows what's good for his well being.

After a thorough cleansing of the neglected pores of your flesh, you tell him you're in for bringing the Prince down.  You ask what the plan is.

"The Prince is a real sucker for young men with mysterious blue bedroom eyes," says the little weirdo.  "If we get you in the right spot at the right time, I'm sure he'll take the bait.  We'll have to dress you up though.  Prince Alois likes them neat and tidy.  Once you've got him alone, this knife should do the trick."

He hands you a small sleek fold out knife and then goes over to the wardrobe beside the door.  He lays four outfits on the bed and says, "pick whatever you think you can work.  You have to have the right attitude if you're going to do this, so make sure you pick one that'll give you some kind of sexual confidence out there."
You pick:

a) Lederhosen
b) Fluorescent snowsuit with matching Oakley Blades
c) One piece sparkly spandex bodysuit
d) Canadian Tuxedo   

[the ragamuffin]

Definitely B

[Zurg]

can tux will reel in any gay royalty, anywhere. D

[Watson]

D. The gays love denim the most next to leather.

[loophole]

b!

[The Drew]

D

[Boston.]

b then d
i fucking love you bipsmound

[sven thorkel]

canadian tuxedo with the oakley blades... wait, how about oakley medusas?

[PAWL]

c

[Boobies]

Although 80's snow suit does sound pretty rockin, how can you honestly think that that beats a full denim ensemble ?

The Canadian tuxedo is and always will be timeless, its rugged but refined at the same time. Your classy, but not to classy.  Perfect for luring this king in with

[rawbertson.]

d for denim

[MexicanSpaniard]

C if it's black, it'll make his bedroom blues pop.

[Mooley]

D, though the oakley's are tempting.

[Donkey Lips]

D. there's nothing like the smooth wash of a denim blue covering neck to kankles.

[bentmode]

Left us hanging...again. Way to hose everyone.

[rawbertson.]

hes probably busy cooking shit up in the lab he aint a fiend like all a yall (myself included)