Awkward Sexual Experiences

[Greg Ostertag]

okay...

been on some trips recently so i've got some stories....

hotel room. fancy pantsy old ass hotel that costs *money* but seems haunted at night. anyways. it's me and my skate niggas and we're mobbin with one of my homies bitches. she's driving. anyways, we roll up one of the hotel rooms and are drinking. then one of my homies busts out some coke. fools start doing lines and bumps cept for me and someone else. eventually i give in and do some... at this point we're pretty turnt up and decide to explore the halls, etc. everyone goes, even the bitch. so what happens is we ditch her and all run back to the hotel room. somehow she gets there first and is half on the floor snorting coke off the table.. dumb bitch.... anyways, my boy tells her he's gonna take her to the other room to take care of her and runs her shit. during this time we take her car and get food at a 24 hr safeway. coked out and drunk we get back to the room and munch. we all assumed that she was getting railed. we were correct. as we're eating 200 dollars worth of food, he comes back in and tags out another of my homies. he goes down with a grin and comes back all sweaty. it's my turn. i bring some coke for her and she snorts it off my dick... i see hella handprints on ass too.. straight running a train on this bitch... i rubber up and fuck her while watching the most boring movie ever.. i get out of there after i'm done without saying a word haha and walk through the haunted ass hallway back to homebase. tag in my other homie and he goes down with some coke. makes that bitch take a shower llolol and calls us while she's in it. anyways, we're all taking turns in the shower then after go outside and smoke a cigarette. we get a call from the homie who's been with her last. he tells us that she's in the shower and that the movie on is boring as fuck haha. we tell him that he shoulda gone in the shower with her (by this time it's about 7:30am). he says shes out! and clicks the phone. bout 20 minutes later we see this boy running through the halls (bout the 3rd floor) from the ground level and all swore it was a ghost hahaha. he comes outside and my homie who's bitch it was goes in and finish business. so we ran a train on my homie's girl (~26?) and then chilled in the jacuzzi, area sized pool, jacuzzi #2, then steamroom after lol while my homie gets his. oh yeah, then we got continental breakfast. trying to remember the rest of the day... but it's irrelevant. oh yeah!! the crazy bitch.. we all get our shit from the hotel rooms after and get in her car. she drives us to the park but is trippin cause she lost her phone that night. we tell her that we don't have it and she drives off, but then drives back around and throws a beer can at us. lol. never seen that bitch again after that night.

What the fuck did I just read...?

that, my herpe, is why people have friends

[jgonzalez]

I felt really dirty just reading that story.

[poopmonkey]

met a girl in this club in the town where i live. she's 26 and i'm 23. she wasn't that goodlooking but fuck it, i was drunk and horny. got her number and ended up inviting her over to my place about a week later. she made it clear she was definitely dtf and wasn't looking for anything serious. she shows up to my house, fortunately i left all the lights off. we get going in the livingroom and she goes down on me on the couch. she gags a couple of times but i didn't think much of it. so i;m sitting there slightly enjoying the scene when she lets out a puke over my dick and leg.. i laugh, she's hella ashamed, says she had dinner at some nasty fast food place. still fucked her twice that night. Met up at her place the next week, she leaves the lights on the whole time which wasn;t a good thing. she's all like "oh my god you're gonna fuck me so much tonight" and all i;m thinking is "... nope, i'm not". afterwards i tell her i'll be calling it quits. stole a 6pack of coke from her fridge and got the hell out of there.

[saucy ragu]

How common is stealing among you guys if you know you'll never see the chick again? One chick turned me down because there was a love triangle involving her friend and she felt wrong. She went into her room and I snuck out, stealing a pint of Ben & Jerry's Schweddy Balls along the way. Fast Forward a year later and she came to visit, was a shitty houseguest so I kicked her out at 3 AM, and I'm pretty sure she stole my free drink token. Not that she'd be able to use it anywhere, but that was a free beer. Ultimate cunt.

[Donkey Lips]

How common is stealing among you guys if you know you'll never see the chick again? One chick turned me down because there was a love triangle involving her friend and she felt wrong. She went into her room and I snuck out, stealing a pint of Ben & Jerry's Schweddy Balls along the way. Fast Forward a year later and she came to visit, was a shitty houseguest so I kicked her out at 3 AM, and I'm pretty sure she stole my free drink token. Not that she'd be able to use it anywhere, but that was a free beer. Ultimate cunt.

I used to do this a lot. A girl I used to hook up with in college, I would always take food from her fridge after the deed was done. It started with just grabbing a beer for the walk back to my dorm. It quickly evolved into taking leftover meals and at one point, I took a full box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, because who isn't going to steal that delicious cereal. She didn't find out until she came to my dorm and saw a bunch of her tupperware dishes there. She wasn't stoked. She had been accusing her roommate of stealing food for weeks.

This sort of thing became a tradition. At one point a few of my friends also developed a kind of competition in which taking home mementos from one nighter's became common. The most I'd gotten was a cordless phone from a girl's apartment. Scumbag me took the phone and just left the base. I can only imagine how long this girl must have searched her apartment to find the missing phone. Somehow I ended up with a sombrero once too. I have no memory of how that happened. It's probably better that way.

[Hercules Rockefeller]

Somehow I ended up with a sombrero once too. I have no memory of how that happened. It's probably better that way.

did you wear it on your real or your "lower" head?

[oyolar]

How common is stealing among you guys if you know you'll never see the chick again? One chick turned me down because there was a love triangle involving her friend and she felt wrong. She went into her room and I snuck out, stealing a pint of Ben & Jerry's Schweddy Balls along the way. Fast Forward a year later and she came to visit, was a shitty houseguest so I kicked her out at 3 AM, and I'm pretty sure she stole my free drink token. Not that she'd be able to use it anywhere, but that was a free beer. Ultimate cunt.

I used to do this a lot. A girl I used to hook up with in college, I would always take food from her fridge after the deed was done. It started with just grabbing a beer for the walk back to my dorm. It quickly evolved into taking leftover meals and at one point, I took a full box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, because who isn't going to steal that delicious cereal. She didn't find out until she came to my dorm and saw a bunch of her tupperware dishes there. She wasn't stoked. She had been accusing her roommate of stealing food for weeks.

This sort of thing became a tradition. At one point a few of my friends also developed a kind of competition in which taking home mementos from one nighter's became common. The most I'd gotten was a cordless phone from a girl's apartment. Scumbag me took the phone and just left the base. I can only imagine how long this girl must have searched her apartment to find the missing phone. Somehow I ended up with a sombrero once too. I have no memory of how that happened. It's probably better that way.

I don't know why, but I laughed so hard at this post.

[cancelled]

ok, so im at this bar drinking with buds yaknow, having a grand ol time, when i see this burst of light come from the door.  and please bear in mind its like 1 am.  anyways, that burst of light turned out to be one of the most people ladies id ever laid my dreamy little eyes on.  She was wearing a very form fitting skirt, which ended half way before her fit little knees.  her glutes super tight and plump with great hips leading to her tiny little waist.  her breasts,  from the moment i saw her i could tell they were real bouncing around her half buttoned.  i see her and immediately get a boner, and refer to the "waist band trick."  i stand from my chair and approach this beautiful vixen with three little words i learned from some sitcom "how you doin?" she, taken aback by my forwardability lets out a little giggle, "teeheee," she squeaks.  "wanna get outta here, doll?" i ask.  "heeeheee, lets go you wolfman."  we race out the door and into a cab. "step on it!!" i command.  blah blah blah long story short i take her to my place rip the clothes off her 12/10 body, rip mine off and we hop into the 69 position.  shes just surping on my cock with her angel lips, her great proportioned soft but firm breasts resting on my ribs.  i throw her off of me and begin to fuck the shit out of her.  she begins to moan like a dying wildebeast having an orgasm.  not once, not twice, but thrice i make her pussy squirt like blastoise.  she screaming flailing around.  "finishhhhh in myyyy mouthhhh" she cries.  i whip my cock out and explode in her mouth with my ectoplasm.  "wowwwwwwww" we say in unison.  "that was the best ive ever been fucked..."      did i mention the part she was a 12/10???

[the snake]

^^fake

[skate_bored]

i still got kind of hard reading it....

[HATE!]

How common is stealing among you guys if you know you'll never see the chick again? One chick turned me down because there was a love triangle involving her friend and she felt wrong. She went into her room and I snuck out, stealing a pint of Ben & Jerry's Schweddy Balls along the way. Fast Forward a year later and she came to visit, was a shitty houseguest so I kicked her out at 3 AM, and I'm pretty sure she stole my free drink token. Not that she'd be able to use it anywhere, but that was a free beer. Ultimate cunt.

I used to do this a lot. A girl I used to hook up with in college, I would always take food from her fridge after the deed was done. It started with just grabbing a beer for the walk back to my dorm. It quickly evolved into taking leftover meals and at one point, I took a full box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, because who isn't going to steal that delicious cereal. She didn't find out until she came to my dorm and saw a bunch of her tupperware dishes there. She wasn't stoked. She had been accusing her roommate of stealing food for weeks.

This sort of thing became a tradition. At one point a few of my friends also developed a kind of competition in which taking home mementos from one nighter's became common. The most I'd gotten was a cordless phone from a girl's apartment. Scumbag me took the phone and just left the base. I can only imagine how long this girl must have searched her apartment to find the missing phone. Somehow I ended up with a sombrero once too. I have no memory of how that happened. It's probably better that way.

Dude, I used to do the EXACT same thing, almost to the same degree and also used to steal random shit from girls' houses.  The most I made in terms of food was, I made a full blown burger will all the toppings and took a beer and the weirdest shit I took from a girl's house was a giant senior picture of her off the wall in the living room and the roof off this little house you burned incense in.  I think my college roommate still has the picture of her hanging in his bathroom.

[Beer Keg Peg Leg]

i emptied an entire fruit bowl into my backpack once

[HATE!]

i emptied an entire fruit bowl into my backpack once

It's important that you left the empty bowl.

[brycickle]

Bowls are like pennies Hate. Fruit on the other hand is priceless.

[solo]

okay...

been on some trips recently so i've got some stories....

hotel room. fancy pantsy old ass hotel that costs *money* but seems haunted at night. anyways. it's me and my skate niggas and we're mobbin with one of my homies bitches. she's driving. anyways, we roll up one of the hotel rooms and are drinking. then one of my homies busts out some coke. fools start doing lines and bumps cept for me and someone else. eventually i give in and do some... at this point we're pretty turnt up and decide to explore the halls, etc. everyone goes, even the bitch. so what happens is we ditch her and all run back to the hotel room. somehow she gets there first and is half on the floor snorting coke off the table.. dumb bitch.... anyways, my boy tells her he's gonna take her to the other room to take care of her and runs her shit. during this time we take her car and get food at a 24 hr safeway. coked out and drunk we get back to the room and munch. we all assumed that she was getting railed. we were correct. as we're eating 200 dollars worth of food, he comes back in and tags out another of my homies. he goes down with a grin and comes back all sweaty. it's my turn. i bring some coke for her and she snorts it off my dick... i see hella handprints on ass too.. straight running a train on this bitch... i rubber up and fuck her while watching the most boring movie ever.. i get out of there after i'm done without saying a word haha and walk through the haunted ass hallway back to homebase. tag in my other homie and he goes down with some coke. makes that bitch take a shower llolol and calls us while she's in it. anyways, we're all taking turns in the shower then after go outside and smoke a cigarette. we get a call from the homie who's been with her last. he tells us that she's in the shower and that the movie on is boring as fuck haha. we tell him that he shoulda gone in the shower with her (by this time it's about 7:30am). he says shes out! and clicks the phone. bout 20 minutes later we see this boy running through the halls (bout the 3rd floor) from the ground level and all swore it was a ghost hahaha. he comes outside and my homie who's bitch it was goes in and finish business. so we ran a train on my homie's girl (~26?) and then chilled in the jacuzzi, area sized pool, jacuzzi #2, then steamroom after lol while my homie gets his. oh yeah, then we got continental breakfast. trying to remember the rest of the day... but it's irrelevant. oh yeah!! the crazy bitch.. we all get our shit from the hotel rooms after and get in her car. she drives us to the park but is trippin cause she lost her phone that night. we tell her that we don't have it and she drives off, but then drives back around and throws a beer can at us. lol. never seen that bitch again after that night.

What the fuck did I just read...?

that, my friend, is how people get herpes

haha I know this guy. He did some other shit like this recently

hey, so what about that time you and your homeboy touched dicks inside of that anarchist girls mouth. lolololol

[Hercules Rockefeller]

did i mention the part she was a 12/10???

so, was she 12 or 10 years old?

[Clayton]

While lying down jerking off in bed I've almost accidentally shot a load directly into my face on two separate occasions. Luckily they shot diagonal and soiled the pillow both times. I can't be the only dude on here that's had a close call like that. Real Confessions anyone?

[FART BOY]

While lying down jerking off in bed I've almost accidentally shot a load directly into my face on two separate occasions. Luckily they shot diagonal and soiled the pillow both times. I can't be the only dude on here that's had a close call like that. Real Confessions anyone?

Guilty

[jack burton]

While lying down jerking off in bed I've almost accidentally shot a load directly into my face on two separate occasions. Luckily they shot diagonal and soiled the pillow both times. I can't be the only dude on here that's had a close call like that. Real Confessions anyone?

Guilty

[Jackie Joyner Kersee]

what the fuck, you guys lay down while jerking off? You stare at the ceiling fan or what?

[ice nine]

lay in bed staring at a 52" plasma buddy while shooting plasma all over mine own face

[no fun]

lay in bed staring at a 52" plasma buddy while shooting plasma all over mine own face

you have a tv on your ceiling?!

[cringe.]

While lying down jerking off in bed I've almost accidentally shot a load directly into my face on two separate occasions. Luckily they shot diagonal and soiled the pillow both times. I can't be the only dude on here that's had a close call like that. Real Confessions anyone?

Guilty

apparently my friend did this and only found out where his seed had landed when he later drank from the cup on the shelf behind him... lol

[brycickle]

lay in bed staring at a 52" plasma buddy while shooting plasma all over mine own face

you have a tv on your ceiling?!

The more startling part is that he has blood fluid in his semen.

[ROCKxADIO420]

[crackrazor]

fuck. cannot unsee.

[BRIX SKWIKZ]

Vegan Black Metal Chef Episode 2 - Easy Meal Ideas of The Ages	Small | Large

[jimi]

Earning your RedWings is always an awkward situation when the girl sees you smiling with her blood covering your face.

[ttching!]

Anyone want to paint themselves blue and make some memories?

[sexualhelon]

I'll be damned if after reading those stories I don't steal the next box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch I see out of a girls pantry.