Most Embarrasing Moments

[DaSk8D00D]

I'll start it off. Aside from my various farting in class while napping incidents there's one moment in my mind that truly stands out. When I was in about 4th or 5th grade i discovered the joys of fapping for the first time and really started to get into it. I began using some random lotion i found in my household bathroom. after a week or so i started to develop these weird, brown streaks on the top of my palms and the skin between my fingers. at first i thought it was dirt but it still was there after showering. the next day i mentioned it to my mom & my grandpa cuz i curious as to what it could be. my mom said that it looked similar to what happens to skin when you use too much tanning lotion. when asked about using it i said i only put it on my legs once because they were ashy, but where i fucked up with that lie was that the streaks were only on my right hand. my grandpa immediately burst out laughing and could hardly contain himself. in the knick of time my grandma called for dinner and we all got up and left the room. my grandpa stayed behind my mom and looked back at me, still chuckling hard as hell, and said "You were rubbing lotion on your dick!" and left the room laughing. Never in my young life had i ever felt so salty, and even to this day ive had a few incidents in front of large groups of people that never left me so humilated. That shit had me shook for like 3 days lol.

[DaSk8D00D]

aw shit just remembered another good one. there was this skate-church thing goin on in my city for a while 4-5 years ago where they had a ton of ramps indoors for a 2 hour skate session, some youth-group shit, then a little more skating for an hour or two. anyway a friend and i had gotten there early while they were setting and some of the teen-mentor chicks were pretty fuckin hot. anyway they happened to be cruisin around on one of those cheap ass wal-mart skateboard-that-turns-into-a-scooter things. they set it down and while waiting for everyone else to show up we started fuckin around on it. after being impressed by some bunny hops i happened to ride by her and we locked eyes on some disney channel romance scene type shit. right after giving her some cheesy 13 year old "playa" smile the kingpin on trucks of the scooterboard thing fell off and i just got whipped to the ground and fell face first. not on some petty shit either it was a fairly painful fall. after asking if i was ok everybody started laughing and went back to work. i sat in my 5 minutes of shame until all of the other skaters showed up and tried to forget about it.

[apad88]

I was skating home from the skate park and saw a group of at least 5 fine ass bitches chillin at a picnic table at a park, I popped a smooth ass ollie off the curb to impress them and ended up landing in oil and skidding and slamming on my arm, I heard the group of honey dips laughing their asses off and I picked up my board and bounced as fast I could. I cried

[FART BOY]

First thing that came to mind was those 8th grade years, being the new kid and all. I had a massive in-class fart, trying to hold that shit in. I thought it was gone after a little bit but I ended up bending over to get my books.. and of course that thing came out full blast. I ended up getting the nickname fart boy for the next 2 or 3 months.

[Hercules Rockefeller]

First thing that came to mind was those 8th grade years, being the new kid and all. I had a massive in-class fart, trying to hold that shit in. I thought it was gone after a little bit but I ended up bending over to get my books.. and of course that thing came out full blast. I ended up getting the nickname fart boy for the next 2 or 3 months.

BANTAM YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO!

[FART BOY]

First thing that came to mind was those 8th grade years, being the new kid and all. I had a massive in-class fart, trying to hold that shit in. I thought it was gone after a little bit but I ended up bending over to get my books.. and of course that thing came out full blast. I ended up getting the nickname fart boy for the next 2 or 3 months.

BANTAM YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO!

Hahahah damn good start to my morning

[Hercules Rockefeller]

i love you, bantam.

[HATE!]

Bantam, you're the best.


When I was a fresh new ninth grader I walked into the Seniors' hallway without realizing it and asked one of the guys where the bathroom was.  They pointed  down the hall and I went down there not knowing that the end of their hall was also where the Special Ed classes were.  I opened the bathroom door to what ended up being the Special Ed class's boy's bathroom to see this massive, fat dude with Down's Syndrome completely naked taking a piss.  He looked over his shoulder and loudly said, "Hi!"

Also, same year, right after Winter break I was walking into the main entrance in the morning and it was icy out and I slipped on the door jamb.  Full on horizontal in the air about three feet up.  Worst part was that I landed in that brown ice goo.  

Worst case of second hand embarrassment was just a couple years ago when a bunch of friends and I went to go see the last Rocky film.  We were talking about how pumped we were and we were all a little drunk and my homie just got too overwhelmed and stood up and just kicked this jumbo box of popcorn all over this fat dude a few rows over.  The theater busted out laughing and the fat dude didn't say a word, he just sat there and slowly brushed popcorn off himself.  I don't think my friend even apologized.

[ROCKxADIO420]

when i was in 1st grade i used to leave class all the time so i could play gameboy in the bathroom. well one day i had done this once already, when i realized that i actually needed to take a shit. i asked my teacher, who at this point had caught onto me, and she wouldnt let me go cause i had already gone like 20 minutes before. well i held it in for what seemed like forever, but eventually it was just too much. i shit all in my pants. i immediately got up, and ran out of the room. on the way out my teacher yelled where are you going, i just said BATHROOM, and ran out, probably on the verge of tears. i got into the bathroom and spent like half an hour in there trying to wipe diahrea out of the fibers on my sweatpants (which is all i wore back then) to no avail. at one point, a bunch of kids were in the bathroom fucking around, and they noticed i had been in there for like 15 minutes. they started banging on the door and yelling and laughing and shit. i was so fucking bummed.

[apad88]

when i was in 1st grade i used to leave class all the time so i could play gameboy in the bathroom. well one day i had done this once already, when i realized that i actually needed to take a shit. i asked my teacher, who at this point had caught onto me, and she wouldnt let me go cause i had already gone like 20 minutes before. well i held it in for what seemed like forever, but eventually it was just too much. i shit all in my pants. i immediately got up, and ran out of the room. on the way out my teacher yelled where are you going, i just said BATHROOM, and ran out, probably on the verge of tears. i got into the bathroom and spent like half an hour in there trying to wipe diahrea out of the fibers on my sweatpants (which is all i wore back then) to no avail. at one point, a bunch of kids were in the bathroom fucking around, and they noticed i had been in there for like 15 minutes. they started banging on the door and yelling and laughing and shit. i was so fucking bummed.

fuck I hated elementary school.

[HATE!]

Dude, in fucking sweatpants?  What did you do?  I would have waited for classes to be in and just left and walked home.

[ivegotlevitation]

when i was in 1st grade i used to leave class all the time so i could play gameboy in the bathroom. well one day i had done this once already, when i realized that i actually needed to take a shit. i asked my teacher, who at this point had caught onto me, and she wouldnt let me go cause i had already gone like 20 minutes before. well i held it in for what seemed like forever, but eventually it was just too much. i shit all in my pants. i immediately got up, and ran out of the room. on the way out my teacher yelled where are you going, i just said BATHROOM, and ran out, probably on the verge of tears. i got into the bathroom and spent like half an hour in there trying to wipe diahrea out of the fibers on my sweatpants (which is all i wore back then) to no avail. at one point, a bunch of kids were in the bathroom fucking around, and they noticed i had been in there for like 15 minutes. they started banging on the door and yelling and laughing and shit. i was so fucking bummed.

oh god, that's terrible

[ROCKxADIO420]

Dude, in fucking sweatpants?  What did you do?  I would have waited for classes to be in and just left and walked home.

whatever happened after that i dont remember i just assume i am repressing it.

[cat litter]

i got a similar bathroom story. I was a sophomore in high school and i had to take a shit. It was the middle of the day, and I felt awful. I shoulda just skipped and went home but I decided to go at school for some reason. I walked up to the third floor so nobody could hear me, and as I'm sitting in the stall like 10 noisy ass motherfuckers come in. And in my head I'm just like Oh shit. So I dont make a noise hoping they dont know I'm in there.

Then a few minutes go by and nobodys using the bathroom they're just like hanging out and shit, and I feel fucked cause I can't just leave after 5 minutes of pretending im not in there without losing my dignity. So i wait some more, and a couple guys kept walking in and out, and I was like WTF will you fools ever leave? Then I hear loud banging noises, and I hear them start fighting, like a secret bathroom fight club or some shit. Im thinking how in the fuck is nobody hearing 10 people yelling and fighting and shit? While they were taking turns fighting someone had to use the bathroom and he comes up to the only occupied stall ( me). He tries to open it and Im just sitting there in shock, mentally preparing myself for public humiliation. he starts punching the door and goes " What the fuck, someones in here" and someone else goes " Has he been in here this whole time?" So they all start to leave while kicking on my stall door and talking shit about me.

I still cringe thinking about it.

[HATE!]

Do you have that public pooping problem some people have?  (Jesus, read that sentence really fast, haha!)  I know someone who does and they have to have this plan, contingency plan and ritual just to shit at work.  That must be fucking horrible.

[mandibleclaw]

so most of these are about shitting your pants?

in 1st or 2nd grade, the class took a trip to the public pool once.  we all changed at school, left our clothes there.  when we got back and we were changing back into our clothes, i couldn't find my underwear, was looking everywhere.  then this one kid, the bully-type, held them up, and they had a little skid mark in them.  i tried to say they were my sister's underwear that i had borrowed for some reason, but everyone knew.  laughing.  tears choked back.  a hatred that would burn eternally.

[Cadillac Ranch Dressing]

so most of these are about shitting your pants?

in 1st or 2nd grade, the class took a trip to the public pool once.  we all changed at school, left our clothes there.  when we got back and we were changing back into our clothes, i couldn't find my underwear, was looking everywhere.  then this one kid, the bully-type, held them up, and they had a little skid mark in them.  i tried to say they were my sister's underwear that i had borrowed for some reason, but everyone knew.  laughing.  tears choked back.  a hatred that would burn eternally.

Haha nice save...

[chockfullofthat]

My parents found an empty box of cough medicine pills under my dresser in high school.  That was pretty embarrassing...

[GarglesCmen]

we went to the zoo when I was in 1st grade, I fell completely into pig shit. I do not remember much after that but I know I cried

[BuddyPal]

between kindergarden and 2nd grade, i pissed my pants numerous times.

[HATE!]

so most of these are about shitting your pants?

in 1st or 2nd grade, the class took a trip to the public pool once.  we all changed at school, left our clothes there.  when we got back and we were changing back into our clothes, i couldn't find my underwear, was looking everywhere.  then this one kid, the bully-type, held them up, and they had a little skid mark in them.  i tried to say they were my sister's underwear that i had borrowed for some reason, but everyone knew.  laughing.  tears choked back.  a hatred that would burn eternally.

Not so much an embarrassing story but I took care of that asshole for you.

When I was in the 7th grade I was walking home by myself and this prick 9th grader named Josh Wylie was walking home with a couple friends and while I was passing them, they were making fun of me.  I was really withdrawn as a kid and lived inside my head so my goal was to pass them as fast as possible.  Out of nowhere, Josh just clobbered me.  He just put me in the fucking dirt.  He knocked the wind out of me and I started doing that choke cry for no reason at all besides sheer embarrassment.  They laughed and went on their way.  This fueled my anger.  I was seething and I held a grudge.  Not long after I ditched out of school a little early and I went to the path that cut through the woods to Josh's house and I hid behind a tree with a large branch.  I saw him coming and got ready and right when he passed I jumped out, screaming and brought that branch down as hard as I could and hit him across the shoulder, right by his neck.  He fell down and started screaming and his arm was at this horrible fucked up angle because I had just crushed his collar bone.  So I did the logical kid thing to do- freak out and run off.  The next time I saw him he had this fucked up cast that held his arm up at this weird angle.  People made fun of him and inside- I smiled.  I never told anyone who would have cared that I did that because I was afraid I would get in trouble. 

Who wants to hear the story about how I was jumped by a kid with Downs and then I laughed at him when he almost drowned?!

[backagain]

In seventh grade I told this kid to "shut the fuck up for once" in class and was verbally berated in the hallway by the teacher. I guess it's not that embarrassing but I think if I do a little more explaining you'll understand why I was embarrassed.

This kid was in a special program for kids with behavioral disorders.  He was generally a trouble maker but he often got made fun of by other kids. So he wasn't your typical thirteen year old asshole, he was also the butt of thirteen year old asshole's jokes.  Anyways, he wasn't a good kid.  So this kid keeps telling me to "shut up" in class even though I'm not saying anything, trying to be funny.  So after about the fifteenth time I finally yell out "shut the fuck up for once".  The teacher brings me out in the hallway and tells me that I should be ashamed of myself.  She tells me that I'm the reason he'll be a future drop out and go absolutely no where in life.  All because of my "antagonism".  She told me that I was the reason for essentially every problem he's ever had.  And this is embarrassing because I couldn't work up the courage to tell this dumb cunt off.  I just sat there and took it. This kid was clearly distracting my whole side of the classroom from hearing what she was saying and just being a complete pain in the ass for no reason. This kid obviously didn't belong in our class, he belong in one of those watered down behavioral disorder class rooms.

I'll never forget that day. Still to this day I want to go back there and tell that bitch off.        

[Hercules Rockefeller]

Who wants to hear the story about how I was jumped by a kid with Downs and then I laughed at him when he almost drowned?!

my god, even the description of that incident is fucking hilarious.

[pancake man]

The good ol' beating off as a prepubescent and having my mom walk in mid jerk. She shut the door and went straight back to bed and I just sat there with my now flaccid dick in hand with no idea what the fuck was going on

[HATE!]

Who wants to hear the story about how I was jumped by a kid with Downs and then I laughed at him when he almost drowned?!

my god, even the description of that incident is fucking hilarious.

Well, alright, I will!

I went to Kindergarten in the basement of the University of Idaho in Moscow, ID.  It was actually a lot cooler than it sounds because we had access to awesome shit like.... the college swimming pool (foreshadowing, son!)  Anyway, we had this kid with Downs in my class named Sean.  Since it was Kindergarten, he didn't need to go to Special Ed or anything and they thought it was better for him to be in our class so that we would be around someone who was handicapped and be ok with it.  Sean was highly functional, but he still had that thing where it almost seemed like he KNEW that he could get away with certain things because of his handicap.  So one day it was clean up time so we could go home and Sean just isn't into it.  He's wearing this fucking bonnet from the costume box and holding people up with some toy six shooters (this was back in 1985- schools weren't fear mongering dumbasses yet.)  I decided that I was going to be proactive and tell Sean that it was clean up time and not recess.  Sean wasn't having it, freaked the fuck out, started screaming, jumped on me and started choking me out with the superpowers that Downs kids get from their extra chromosome.  I go into panic mode and fight back.  Guess who gets in trouble?  Me.  And Sean, that sly fucker is looking at me over his stupid thick glasses and just grinning up a storm.  So I plot my revenge.

Sean used to bring an apple to school for the teacher regularly.  Seriously, I know it's a cliche, but he did.  Since our class was in the basement, it was a few floors down and we had to walk about 3-4 flights of stairs.  The next time I saw Sean with an apple in his hand before class I kicked that shit out of his hand and proceeded to kick it all the way down the stairs so that it was all bruised to shit and leaking everywhere.  Sean didn't give a fuck though, he picked that shit up and still gave it to the teacher and our teacher isn't going to say anything because she's not about to be bummed on a little present from a student, much less one who is disabled.  Hmmmm, plot foiled.  Little did I know, Sean would be his own undoing that day.

Every Friday we got to have swimming lessons in the big ass college pool.  That day the teacher said that we would get a special treat and get to go off the diving board if we wanted to.  Sean perked up and got psyched.  When we got to the pool I was one of the first kids off the board and I had already done it before so I was really comfortable with it.  Sean was a few kids after me and he was bragging and flexing and shit.  He was psyched..... until he got up there.  He got to the end of the board, freaked out, had a seizure and just toppled over and fell right in.  He sank like a fucking rock.  The lifeguard had to jump in and save him and he needed CPR and all that shit because he was seizing underwater.  My 5 year old mind didn't comprehend that it was a super scary thing and that the poor kid almost drowned, but my mind didn't comprehend that that asshole had just punked himself in front of the whole class.  I quietly laughed to myself and went underwater so no one could see my face.

[Bobby Peru]

Fewer stories about retarded kids and more stories about hilarious public humiliation, please.

When I was in middle/high school I whacked off a lot. Anyway, one winter evening, like many before it, I found a quasi-risque sounding movie on HBO, waited for boobs, and started jerking. I know you're thinking, "Are you some kind of caveman, Bobby Peru? Didn't you have the internet?" I did, but it was in the basement, where my dad and his friend were on the computer, and I was on the main floor. Now usually I can hear when someone is coming upstairs, giving me plenty of time time to zip up, but that day I kept on whacking and reached climax when I heard steps just a few feet behind me. My dad's (female) friend, who I had known for years and whose child I had played many games of peek-a-boo with, passed the corner where the couch is, grabbed something she left near the TV, quietly said, "bye," and left, all whilst semen volcanoed over my hand. I have no idea what she saw, but I imagine it was at least a little of what I just described. Like a saint, she never said anything about it on future visits.

[Hercules Rockefeller]

i guess the kid peed in the pool while having his seizure, so the joke was on you.

[HATE!]

Fewer stories about retarded kids and more stories about hilarious public humiliation, please.

When I was in middle/high school I whacked off a lot. Anyway, one winter evening, like many before it, I found a quasi-risque sounding movie on HBO, waited for boobs, and started jerking. I know you're thinking, "Are you some kind of caveman, Bobby Peru? Didn't you have the internet?" I did, but it was in the basement, where my dad and his friend were on the computer, and I was on the main floor. Now usually I can hear when someone is coming upstairs, giving me plenty of time time to zip up, but that day I kept on whacking and reached climax when I heard steps just a few feet behind me. My dad's (female) friend, who I had known for years and whose child I had played many games of peek-a-boo with, passed the corner where the couch is, grabbed something she left near the TV, quietly said, "bye," and left, all whilst semen volcanoed over my hand. I have no idea what she saw, but I imagine it was at least a little of what I just described. Like a saint, she never said anything about it on future visits.

Jesus, you just reminded me of another one.

When I was about 22 I left for work and forgot my wallet and came home to my roommate just beating it in the living room.  Of course I started yelling at him because we had the internet and he was in the living room.  He said that I had left for work and that the moment struck him as such and he didn't see the big deal?  What was he watching that could have struck him like that?

The fucking blurred out stripper scene on an episode of Jerry Springer.  Of course I told everyone we know, but I didn't tell anyone how creeped out I was by the whole thing.

[Bobby Peru]

Maybe we should make a "what's the dumbest shit you've whacked off to?" thread.

[HATE!]

Maybe we should make a "what's the dumbest shit you've whacked off to?" thread.

A comic book when I was in pre-season.



EDIT:

I also know a dude who's first time was to the movie Who Framed Roger Rabbit?.