Most Embarrasing Moments

[pancake man]

Maybe we should make a "what's the dumbest shit you've whacked off to?" thread.

A comic book when I was in pre-season.



EDIT:

I also know a dude who's first time was to the movie Who Framed Roger Rabbit?.

I mean Jessica Rabbit, why not? unless homeboy was like 17+

[Zurg]

haha these are pretty good. i feel like i may have told this, but im going for it anyway.

unfortunately this happened when i was 21 or 22 and not in grade school. this has a pretty big back story, so i apologize in advance.

one of my old roommates got pretty nuts when he drank(reference, i saw him walk barefoot through fire out of spite because some guy claimed it then backed down. he also was in a coma for months after getting hit by a car whilst walking home wasted) anyway, i get home from work at about 8pm on friday and him and my other roommate are noticeably wasted already. i look on the table and they had polished off most of a 60 of whiskey, mystery solved. i joined them drinking and we were getting rowdy for no real reason, i remember we broke a few chairs that night. me and nick(the non fire walking roommate) were having a smoke outside our door about to head to a friends party. our other roommate comes pushing past us with his bike saying hes going to the theater to meet his girlfriend. the guy can barely walk, let alone bike, so were telling him he's going to get hit by a car and he should take a cab or walk. he refuses, and starts pushing his bike into all of these people outside of the bar we lived above and bikes away.

several hours later were at the party and nick gets a call from him saying that  he was hit by a car. he has kind of a dark sense of humor was extremely nonchalant about the whole thing, so we werent entirely sure if he was fucking with us or not. when i get home hes on the couch watching tv and drinking, he looked fine so i figured he was fucking us. i say whats up to him and he turns to me and the whole left side of his face is fucked. i offered to bandage it up and he refuses, but he was pretty out of it so i did it anyway.

the next day im extremely hungover by myself at home, sort of getting back to life. decide to watch some pr0ns in my room and try to beat out the remaining hangover. we always had lots of people coming and going and living above a bar had made me ignore usual noises that you would investigate in your house. im going at it when i hear footsteps in the living room, but figure its one of my roommates. 2 seconds later my door flings open and its my roommates dad demanding to know where his son is. i guess he somehow heard about the accident. i cant remember if i answered his question or if he just fled, the whole thing happened quick though. it was embarrassing, but even at the time i kinda appreciated how ridiculous and funny it was. dude should have knocked

[dude]

This is, without a doubt, the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me:

When I was 18 I was living in Berlin and western Europe just happened to be having one of the hottest summers on record. It was an absolutely gorgeous day so I decided I would take a book and a blanket to Tiergarten (Berlin's central/main park). Now I must mention that I was living there without a job and because money was tight I didn't own a subway pass. So it was about a half hour walk through some pretty heavy Turkish neighborhoods to get to Tiergarten. On my way I decided to stop at a grocery store and pick up some beer. The grocery store had signs near the entrance of specials they were having that day and, because it was so hot, ice cream bars were all on special. So I bought some beer and ice cream and proceeded on my way to the park. I got to the park, settled on a nice place in the sun and began to read my book while drinking my beer and eating ice cream. After about 45 minutes, I had finished my ice cream and I had drank about 4 beers. Soon i notice that I'm farting the most rancid smelling farts. I dont think much of it and continue to read. But the rancid and ungodly smelling farts persist. Still i think nothing of it. I start to feel a really big fart coming. I go to let it out and  instantly realize it isn't a fart but explosive diarea. The beer and ice cream had ample time to churn together in my stomach to create this explosive diarea (yes, I know now not to ever mix alcohol and dairy). I am nowhere near a bathroom, not even close. I quickly pack my things up into my bag as I feel I probably only have a minute to find some place to release my bowels. I start awkwardly running towards a forested area of the park with my butt cheeks clinched together. Just as I enter into the trees and am about to rip my pants down to shit, i notice some british guy like 10 feet away from me taking a piss and holding up a beer: "hey mate, beautiful day isn't it?". I curse his existence and get myself back on the path to find another spot to shit. At this point i can feel leakage. I've lost the battle. Im standing in the middle of the path while joggers and cyclists go by me. They have no idea I'm just standing there letting diarea pour out of my asshole and into my boxers. I stand there a moment, completely in disbelief of my situation. What the fuck am i going to do, i ask myself. I can start to feel it running down the backs on my legs, getting closer to my socks. I walk straight into a wooded area. I can still see people jogging but I dont give a fuck. I pull my pants and underwear down. The damage is so bad that my balls are completely soaked in diarea. My ass and the inside of my legs are completely covered. I take my shoes and socks off, take my pooped soaked pants and boxers off, take my blanket out of my bag, fashion it into a kind of skirt around my waste, take my belt out my pants and tie it snugly around the skirt/blanket, put my shoes back on and proceed to walk back home through the Turkish neighborhoods with this fucking skirt on. I got some really weird looks from people and, if anyone would inspected me more carefully, they have seen dried poop down the sides of my legs. After only about 5 minutes of walking though, my asshole started to burn from the chaffing and the insane heat from the sun. By the time I was about a block away from my apartment I could barely walk because my asshole was torn apart by chaffing. Luckily my roommate wasn't home. I got inside my apartment and went straight to the bath tub, turned it, spread my ass cheeks and let the warm water bidet my asshole. Remember the scene from The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo when she gets in the shower and blood pours out of her asshole? Ya, it was like that. I spent the next 3 days in bed, applying cream to my asshole every hour.

[HATE!]

Excellent, excellent story.  Wow.  Fuck that!

[dude]

Excellent, excellent story.  Wow.  Fuck that!

I've never told this story to anyone. I told my roommate in Berlin that i was feeling ill as an excuse for my decimated asshole and dignity. What better place to tell it for the first time than SLAP!

[DaSk8D00D]

Excellent, excellent story.  Wow.  Fuck that!

I've never told this story to anyone. I told my roommate in Berlin that i was feeling ill as an excuse for my decimated asshole and dignity. What better place to tell it for the first time than SLAP!

SLAP's the only place where you can turn your most personal, humiliating moments into some form of respect. i salute you & yo shitty draws.

[Locbrew]

Fuck, my stories aren't shit compared to y'alls.

My best friend threw up on me in Kindergarten. I split my pants trying to imitate Johnny Cage's split in Mortal Kombat, had to get these tight shorts from the Lost and Found to replace my other shorts. Sneeze/farted combo in 8th grade, which the kid who skateboarded and was all about Mike Vallely called me out in front of the whole class, they had to open up the window because it was so bad. I got the last laugh, the kid now is into MMA. High School was pretty bad, fell in front of 1200 students in the courtyard, our courtyard has those 6" by 6" tiles and they are all sorts of fucked up, so some stick up more than others, I've seen five other kids fall over the same tiles over the school year, I guess that day happened to be my day, Busted my ass, looked up and it was quite as fuck and everybody was looking at me. Also, same year, tried to slide down this kinked rail leading into the auditorium with my Kerry Getz Clive Bookbag filled with books and homework, made it down the first part of the rail, got halfway down and the weight of my bookbag threw me off and powerbombed me into the steps in front of the majority of the JV cheerleading squad.

Again, not as embarrassing as y'alls.

[trannies and mannies]

I was skating a mini ramp with my friend at the same time. My friend,who is substantially larger than me, slammed into me,which knocked me unconciouss. I laid on the mini ramp blacked out for a few minutes with the entire skatepark laughing.

[hime]

In the third grade, this super hot hawaiian TA had organized a school outing to the public library which was about a mile from our school. She thought it would be cute or something to make couples out of the kids who were taking the trip, and I ended up being paired with this chick I was crushing hard on at the time. I had woke up really congested that day and being an 8 year old dipshit, I never felt like I needed to blow my nose. So half the day goes by, and me probably being nasally and booger infested, this chick goes 'can you blow your nose?'. I comply, and look into that napkin to find a fucking dead spider!! That shit had been in there all day!! She sees this monster and starts screaming!! Everyone comes over to see whats going on and slowly the "Whaaa....James had a spider in his nose!!''...."What!? A spider?... Ahhh...Ewww" starts going around until I was completely humiliated by every single person on the trip. I was in shock and a deep, cringing, unwavering pain was instilled in a young boy.

P.S. The summer after high school, I came to fuck that chick. A small victory.

[Joe Pesci]

you couldve totally rubbed that in her face by being like "what the fuck i just saw a spider come out of your pussy!!!" and then act like youre looking for it


as for me im trying to remember something really embarrassing... i cant seem to think of much other than like peeing in my pants when i was in kindergarten

[dude]

Excellent, excellent story.  Wow.  Fuck that!

I've never told this story to anyone. I told my roommate in Berlin that i was feeling ill as an excuse for my decimated asshole and dignity. What better place to tell it for the first time than SLAP!

SLAP's the only place where you can turn your most personal, humiliating moments into some form of respect. i salute you & yo shitty draws.

Thank you, good sir. It was your story about the tanning lotion that inspired me to tell mine. Real talk.

[HATE!]

I split my pants trying to imitate Johnny Cage's split in Mortal Kombat

 

[mandibleclaw]

Excellent, excellent story.  Wow.  Fuck that!

I've never told this story to anyone. I told my roommate in Berlin that i was feeling ill as an excuse for my decimated asshole and dignity. What better place to tell it for the first time than SLAP!

i've been laughing aloud for minutes now.  bravo

[ice nine]

Its not that bad compared to you guys', but when I was 14 I got my hair cut, and stole my brothers ID so I could get a tattoo on my forearm that said "freak on a leash-korn". Its embarassing but they're still my favorite band ever so its okay.

[Greg Ostertag]

This isn't so embarrassing as it was a mixture of terrifying and retrospectively hilarious, but the abundance of retarded kid stories in the thread warrants my telling:

It was after football practice in 7th grade, and me and my buddy Josh are leaving the locker room after changing back into our civilian clothes. He tells me he has some weed. I call what I think is his bluff, and after a couple minutes of arguing, Josh directs me to the Band hall/ Special Ed. bathroom (last one before our campus exit).  We congregate under the fluorescent sink lights of the boys restroom and Josh procures the weakest gram of "dro" I've seen to this day. It could have been fucking oregano. I hadn't smoked weed prior to the incident, and yet I had a hunch this was just grass from the fucking football field. Before I have the opportunity to comment on my friend's whack dosha situation I hear the stall door slam the fuck open. My friend josh and I turn around to see the most "retard strength" special ed kid you could imagine, pants around ankles, standing in the doorway, seemingly seething with anger. The first and only thing he says (screams) is: "AHHHHH! IMA BITE YA' WIENER!"  He charges and pins my friend Josh up against the tile in between the two urinals. The weed falls on the floor and I panic and somewhat  instinctively push this retarded kid (luckily, as stated earlier, it was football season, so I was able to knock this supersubhuman off his center of gravity) off my friend and into the outer stall wall. We sprint out of the bathroom and just hear this special kid fucking bellowing from inside the cavernous depths as we exit the building. We ran two or three miles to Josh's apartment and I swear that tense "being chased" feeling didn't leave me until we were safely within the complex.

[FART BOY]

I don't think this was truly embarrassing at the time but If I got caught it sure as hell would, anyways I was in elementary school eating lunch in the cafeteria. I had some pants on and felt something in my lower leg area, I pull it out just to see what it was. What I thought was going to be a sock turned out to be a pair of whitey-tighties.. so I throw it under the table with the hopes of no one noticing. Eventually someone at the table does and tells the rest of the 10-15 others at my table, everyone does the usual "Ewww" and "Gross who's is this?!". Luckily I kept a stone face the whole time and got away clean but I know I was really dying on the inside.

[finknoos]

Gnars for everyone!!

when i was about 15 i was at a party with some friends. the common procedure for parties around then was that we would chill in a group which would slowly disintegrate as girls lead us away. anyway i managed to get with this prety hot girl, just french kissing and shit, then she says out of nowhere "hey, wanna fuck in my neighbours hot-tub?" my first reaction was "FUCK YEAH" but then i thought, "are they home" she reassured that they were on holiday and wouldnt be back for another 3 days. so we leave the party (while im making crude humping movements at my friends to boast i was getting my willy wet.
We get a taxi to her house and walk about 50 meters down the road to her neighbours. jump over their side fence to get into their back garden. bieng the smooth player i am i said "soooo how we gonna do this" she just started ripping my clothes off, so i reciprocated. prety soon we were in the hot-tub and shes bouncing up and down on my cock like a jackhammer. next thing i know the back doors swing open and an angry voice shouts "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE". she quickly jumps off me, out of the tub and shouts "grab my clothes!!!" before hopping over the fence, i get out and wanted to just leg it after her but thought, no i should collect all our stuff, afterall i cant get home without my wallet.
So for what felt like an eternity i was standing in this guys garden naked with a throb-on crouching over trying to collect all my clothes aswell as this girls clothes, which were just spread all over the place. to make things worse while i was collecting the clothes the owner of the house (looked about 50-60ish year old man) was standing over me whipping my back with a stick while shouting stuff like "you should be ashamed of yourself, what the fuck is wrong with kids these days etc. etc."
Finally, ive got all the clothes and start running away from him just repeating "sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry" i throw all the clothes over the fence, hop over to find the chick standing there waiting for me in a ball on the floor as to cover her minge and tittays.
 she says "lets go back to mine." and that is how the story ends, both of us runnng down the street naked, me carrying all of our clothes with a boner, wet, confused, and drunk.
i ended up fucking this chick in prety quietly in her bedroom because her parents were deffinatley home. after id finished i threw the condom in the bin and was about to go for a piss, she says "no, if you leave my room my parents will hear you and we'll both be screwed" so i decided to pust piss out of her window. the next morning i was told than in order to leave i would have to jump out her window onto the slanted roof below, then jump to the ground and run in-case her dad saw me. sounds easy enough right?
so i jump out of the window and as soon as my feet touch the lower roof i slip off the roof and slam into the ground below, why did i slip?? my piss had frozen over night...brilliant...
i look through their front window to check if anyone saw me, sure enough her dad was staring at me with a look on his face that could only be described as murderous confusion. so i run as fast as i can to the nearest bus-stop and make my way home.

[Archers of Chaka]

I like how 90 percent of the posts in this thread involve getting caught masterbating, altercations with the mentally retarded, or shitting your pants. I'm starting to realize a pattern...

Anyways, one embarrassing incident that comes to mind happened when I was about 18 or 19. My mom was leaving to go somewhere for the whole day, and right before she left she told me that one of her friends was going to come over in a little bit to pick up some work supplies from her which she left on the counter. I told her "ok" and she left to go about her day. About 15 minutes after she left, I pull up some internet porn and start going to town on myself. I rarely had the house alone to myself at the time, so when the opportunity came that I had an empty house to myself I took advantage of it. I find some kinky lesbian porn and start jerking it hardcore. Right as I was about to cum I hear a sound behind me, like this rustling sound. I turn around and it's my moms friend, just standing there. Right when I saw him I stopped jerking it and quickly put my pants back on. I guess the front door was unlocked the whole time and my mom had told him to just walk right in and take the supplies. The whole time I was expecting to hear a knock on the door or somethin, which wouldve let me know when he was there. needless to say i was caught off guard. The worst part was that he just stood there with a blank expression in his face. No signs of shock or disgust, just a blank stare. We stared at each other for a good 10 seconds not saying a word to each other, then he turned around, got the supplies on the counter, then walked out the door; the whole time with the same blank look on his face. I still get embarrassed and uncomfortable thinking about it to this day.

[oldeath]

Some good stories in here.
Many years ago i had been skating all day and decided to join my girlfriend and som other friends at the bar.
I order a beer and smoke a cigarette.
I have pretty bad lungs so i start to cough like crazy, a cough so much that i start to trow up on my girfriends really hot friend.
long story short, i rush to the bathroom with her after me and we both throws up in there.
never been so embarrased in my life.

Many years later i lived in Jax Fl.
I was with my roomate and her friends at her dads summerhouse somewhere in Ocala.
My roomates friend couldnt stand farts or fart noices so i of course took advantage of that and started ripping out farts like crazy.
I was pretty much a raging alcoholic at that time so my stomach wasnt the best, i hardly ever ate anything.
Well i ripped a huge fart out and felt that my boxers got wet so i excused myself and went to the bathroom where i found out that i sharted pretty bad, i cleaned myself up and walked back like nothing happend.
My friends boyfriend was ofcourse on my case and knew what happened, so i got to hear that for the rest of the weekend.

Another time in Jax i dated this girl for a bit, i had hooked up with another girl a few days later but Able helped me out with her and told her that he hadnt seen me in a few days.
My roommate was out of town and i had forgotten my key to the house so i stayed with this new really hot chick.
Since i was a heavy drinker my stomach was fucked up and in morning i woke up i had to fart pretty bad so i let a slow one out and i sharted again, didnt have any clean underwear and with my roomate gone i fucked up that weekend of fun, she cleaned my underwear tho but didnt get laid again, Able if you read this, i never told you this, but i think you remember the girls haha.

[Locbrew]

I split my pants trying to imitate Johnny Cage's split in Mortal Kombat

 

 
Mortal Kombat 2 just came out on snes and genesis......

[Harem]

I can't think of to many, but today was embarrassing. I was in the food court, getting some cash out at the ATM, there was a line of people waiting to withdraw cash, when it got to my turn, I stepped up, and a group of people wanted to walk past, so they did, resulting in the girl behind me pushing up against me, just as soon she presses up against me, I let out some fucking gnarly farts, I'm talking rocks getting thrown into the water one after another. I felt myself vibrate against the girl behind me, like right up in her groin area. I got my cash and walked off as quick as I could.

Girl works opposite my store.

[chockfullofthat]

Why'd you fart on her bro?

[Mark Renton]

Like 3 years ago when I was still in high school I had just split up with a girl, so I was trying to hook up with this girl I was in class with, because she was all hyped about skateboarding and shit, kept on chatting on fb and whatnot, so I thought I would have been easy.
She invited me and two more friends to a disco around here promising this would have been a sick night. We ended up there and I wasn't that drunk at all, wrong night, there were a lot of old folks dancing old tunes in one area and minimal in the other. Somehow I managed to get alone with her, she was happy and dragged me to the dance floor. Long story short, I tried to make out with her, and all of sudden she was like WTF?, I thought we were just friends blablabla and to add more embarrassment while doing this we were surrounded by old dudes dancing, shit was fucked up.
Spent the rest of the night with the other two guys and her pretending nothing happened and left.
Few days later all buddies in my class got to know, embarrassment to the fullest for like one whole month..fml

Oh, and that was on a new year's eve :|

[popsiclesandskatin]

Anybody else wear brand new K-mart pants to school with the stickers still on them?

[HATE!]

Do you guys remember what "dead legging" someone is?  It's that thing where someone punches you at this spot in your leg where a nerve is and it makes your leg go numb.  Anyway, that was popular at my school and dudes would do it to each other when they were walking up/down stairs to try and make the other guy fall.  Just kinda dumb jock stuff.  Anyway, this one guy tried to punch this guy in the leg from behind while he was walking upstairs and it turned into this uppercut to the asshole.  The embarrassing part is that it made the dude getting hit just shit everywhere, like his ass exploded.  He is wearing pants, but there was the distinct sound or a short, loud blast, almost like if you blow air into a paper bag and pop it.  That dude never lived it down really. 

[GarglesCmen]

Do you guys remember what "dead legging" someone is?  It's that thing where someone punches you at this spot in your leg where a nerve is and it makes your leg go numb.  Anyway, that was popular at my school and dudes would do it to each other when they were walking up/down stairs to try and make the other guy fall.  Just kinda dumb jock stuff.  Anyway, this one guy tried to punch this guy in the leg from behind while he was walking upstairs and it turned into this uppercut to the asshole.  The embarrassing part is that it made the dude getting hit just shit everywhere, like his ass exploded.  He is wearing pants, but there was the distinct sound or a short, loud blast, almost like if you blow air into a paper bag and pop it.  That dude never lived it down really. 

hahahaha

[GarglesCmen]

This isn't about me but one of the people at this party I was at. We had planned this party (well, it was more of this bro-out) and we were picking up people. One of the first people we picked up was actually my best friends neighbor, Dennis, but he is a wigger and goes by D-Money, fucking stupid. We pull up in the drive way and we see Dennis downing a beer, and has obviously been drinking, and me and my friends instantly knew that he was gonna be the first person to fuck something up. We get back to his house, eat some pasta and stuff and then we start to party and chill and all that. There was alot of stuff there, crown royal, patron, bicardi mixes, punch, just alot of shit for everyone. An hour or two goes past and we see dennis starting to get sloppy.

this is the earliest picture from the night (before the girls came), dennis is the guy in the back with the glasses and he was starting to get sloppy at this point


Everyone sat down and dennis starts throwing up everywhere.

this kid here


had the idea to tie him to the chair. We tie him to the chair and to our dismay, he turns into the exorcist nad just throws up globs everywhere. He give him a huge brown bag and he fills it up fast. We carry the chair out of the garage (while he was still tied to it haha) and hose him completely with water. He unties himself somehow and starts talking about how "I can handle it, I fucking German", "I got my shit down". He obviously didn't. He took a couple of steps inside the garage  and somehow, stepped into the brown bag and he slipped back and got covered in his vomit. We all start laughing, it was one of the funniest days in our lives recently. He is out of it and we just go into the pool.

This annoying as kid we call baron von underbheit



no one wanted there (he had been screaming and just was being overall annoying) had gotten even louder.



he got speared in the face by one of those rods to clean out pools with haha
But back to dennis, he got up all disorientated 20 minutes later, and he goes into the backyard (where snakes are usually) and completely passes out there. No one knew but for this one kid there and he took some photos of him. I don't know where these are, I am assuming they got taken off of Facebook so Dennis wouldn't be embarrassed or something hahaha

We saw dennis later that night, passed out on the toilet, my homie Jared, threw a dart into his side and put a hoddog in his mouth and that was the night right there.

[chillout]

i love this thread. ive been laughing all day

[hime]

I wasnt there for this this story, but this dude in our skate crew and some other mutual friends found themselves on a porn set one day. (We live 10 minutes from porn capital USA). And apparently there was this 'hot porn star chick' walking around and coming onto our friend Archie. One thing leads to another and he's sucking this chicks tits and motorboating her. She goes and sits on this couch, pulls her dick out (tranny) and tells this dude to come get it. Archie was bummed. People cant even bring it up anymore. It was that bad.

[clamy]

I wasnt there for this this story, but this dude in our skate crew and some other mutual friends found themselves on a porn set one day. (We live 10 minutes from porn capital USA). And apparently there was this 'hot porn star chick' walking around and coming onto our friend Archie. One thing leads to another and he's sucking this chicks tits and motorboating her. She goes and sits on this couch, pulls her dick out (tranny) and tells this dude to come get it. Archie was bummed. People cant even bring it up anymore. It was that bad.

hahahaha, fuck, no way?!