Most Embarrasing Moments

[buttchin]

I lost my virginity to my ex-girlfriend when I was sixteen. But before we had sex, I decided that it would be a good idea to eat a carne asada burrito to fill me up for one of the greatest moments in life. BIG MISTAKE. While i was going down on her, I ripped a loud fart and I could't play it off. I apologized for farting and she was laughing her ass off. I had to pull out for about 30 minutes and calm her down because she was laughing too hard. Once she calmed down, we proceeded and I came all over her chest. Pretty embarrassing, but hey, at least I got laid.

[mandibleclaw]

This isn't about me but one of the people at this party I was at. We had planned this party (well, it was more of this bro-out) and we were picking up people. One of the first people we picked up was actually my best friends neighbor, Dennis, but he is a wigger and goes by D-Money, fucking stupid. We pull up in the drive way and we see Dennis downing a beer, and has obviously been drinking, and me and my friends instantly knew that he was gonna be the first person to fuck something up. We get back to his house, eat some pasta and stuff and then we start to party and chill and all that. There was alot of stuff there, crown royal, patron, bicardi mixes, punch, just alot of shit for everyone. An hour or two goes past and we see dennis starting to get sloppy.

this is the earliest picture from the night (before the girls came), dennis is the guy in the back with the glasses and he was starting to get sloppy at this point


Everyone sat down and dennis starts throwing up everywhere.

this kid here


had the idea to tie him to the chair. We tie him to the chair and to our dismay, he turns into the exorcist nad just throws up globs everywhere. He give him a huge brown bag and he fills it up fast. We carry the chair out of the garage (while he was still tied to it haha) and hose him completely with water. He unties himself somehow and starts talking about how "I can handle it, I fucking German", "I got my shit down". He obviously didn't. He took a couple of steps inside the garage  and somehow, stepped into the brown bag and he slipped back and got covered in his vomit. We all start laughing, it was one of the funniest days in our lives recently. He is out of it and we just go into the pool.

This annoying as kid we call baron von underbheit



no one wanted there (he had been screaming and just was being overall annoying) had gotten even louder.



he got speared in the face by one of those rods to clean out pools with haha
But back to dennis, he got up all disorientated 20 minutes later, and he goes into the backyard (where snakes are usually) and completely passes out there. No one knew but for this one kid there and he took some photos of him. I don't know where these are, I am assuming they got taken off of Facebook so Dennis wouldn't be embarrassed or something hahaha

We saw dennis later that night, passed out on the toilet, my homie Jared, threw a dart into his side and put a hoddog in his mouth and that was the night right there.

cool story bro

wrong thread

[Beer Keg Peg Leg]

yeah, maybe next time just post a picture of you and your bros posing in your underwear

[happenstance]

Forget that woman. On to the next. I hear there are a few other women out there, don't know if it is true or not. I would generally suggest against telling a woman you are in love with her when you are not actually dating or hooking-up. In fact, I suggest against using the L-word unless you have been in a relationship for quite some time. Most of the time love is really infatuation. Love is when you can hear a women fart and smell the dump she just took and you are not at all bothered by it.

[Mooley]

>in love with girl for like 3 or 4 months. slightly chubby, almost aspergers, hella cute, easily over 130IQ = instalove
>had been doing lotsa exercise and looked pretty ripped. guess it was enough to overcome her current bf.
>gonna ask her out on tuesday. some friend of us walks with us and i cant do shit plus her bf comes to pick her up
>over 9000 rage
>okay, thursday is the day. tell her we had to talk privately. get HELLA nervous, dont even know where to start from, notice she's slightly creeped because of me not knowing how to start
>the plan was "I MUST CONFESS THAT I ABSOLUTELY, THOROUGHLY, TRULY, HONESTLY, HUMBLY, SINCERELY, TENDERLY LOVE YOU"
>the actual thing, after over a minute of trying to kiss her being faster than her (dunno how you call this but when a girl dodges a kiss we call it "la cobra" because of the cobra-like motion) and not knowing what to say and creeping the shit outta her:
>"I... MUST CONFESS..." "Dude, whats up, why you talking in english?" "oh dunno, i guess it makes it easier. what i was trying to say is that I... think I love you..."
>awkward silence. the answer is obv a NO
>still sit with her in class. dont love her anymore. feel deeply stupid for ruining such a GOOD and CLOSE relationship, always cuddling and giggling in class while feeling the hate because we're basically the nerds there.
>got rejected for a dude who was worse at everything, even looks. depressed because i thought it was my fault.
>currently trying to surpass her at class. most probably fail, but trying will surely make me study harder.
>compensate playing minecraft and ps1 on the computer again.

Can't even begin to figure out the reason for such an EPIC fail after progressing so much with most aspects of my life.

This isn't 4chan, fuck off dude.

[cringe.]

mods, forum rule? use of the phrase 'epic fail' = instant i.p ban?

seriously cut that shit out, please.

[Strike A Pose]

>in love with girl for like 3 or 4 months. slightly chubby, almost aspergers, hella cute, easily over 130IQ = instalove
>had been doing lotsa exercise and looked pretty ripped. guess it was enough to overcome her current bf.
>gonna ask her out on tuesday. some friend of us walks with us and i cant do shit plus her bf comes to pick her up
>over 9000 rage
>okay, thursday is the day. tell her we had to talk privately. get HELLA nervous, dont even know where to start from, notice she's slightly creeped because of me not knowing how to start
>the plan was "I MUST CONFESS THAT I ABSOLUTELY, THOROUGHLY, TRULY, HONESTLY, HUMBLY, SINCERELY, TENDERLY LOVE YOU"
>the actual thing, after over a minute of trying to kiss her being faster than her (dunno how you call this but when a girl dodges a kiss we call it "la cobra" because of the cobra-like motion) and not knowing what to say and creeping the shit outta her:
>"I... MUST CONFESS..." "Dude, whats up, why you talking in english?" "oh dunno, i guess it makes it easier. what i was trying to say is that I... think I love you..."
>awkward silence. the answer is obv a NO
>still sit with her in class. dont love her anymore. feel deeply stupid for ruining such a GOOD and CLOSE relationship, always cuddling and giggling in class while feeling the hate because we're basically the nerds there.
>got rejected for a dude who was worse at everything, even looks. depressed because i thought it was my fault.
>currently trying to surpass her at class. most probably fail, but trying will surely make me study harder.
>compensate playing minecraft and ps1 on the computer again.

Can't even begin to figure out the reason for such an EPIC fail after progressing so much with most aspects of my life.

[Justis]

The good ol' beating off as a prepubescent and having my mom walk in mid jerk. She shut the door and went straight back to bed and I just sat there with my now flaccid dick in hand with no idea what the fuck was going on

[SwiftFootedBird]

>embarrassing story

This isn't 4chan, fuck off dude.

sry for trying to give a text "the only format i know" to escape from the long as fuck paragraph thing.

Forget that woman. On to the next. I hear there are a few other women out there, don't know if it is true or not. I would generally suggest against telling a woman you are in love with her when you are not actually dating or hooking-up. In fact, I suggest against using the L-word unless you have been in a relationship for quite some time. Most of the time love is really infatuation. Love is when you can hear a women fart and smell the dump she just took and you are not at all bothered by it.

on the other hand we have a helpful, nice, constructive comment by happenstance, who usually posts that way. thanks bud, I'll bear the caution with the L-word in mind, and i hope you're right with the "more women out there". but the moment was still an embarrassing memory.

[finknoos]

>in love with girl for like 3 or 4 months. slightly chubby, almost aspergers, hella cute, easily over 130IQ = instalove
>had been doing lotsa exercise and looked pretty ripped. guess it was enough to overcome her current bf.
>gonna ask her out on tuesday. some friend of us walks with us and i cant do shit plus her bf comes to pick her up
>over 9000 rage
>okay, thursday is the day. tell her we had to talk privately. get HELLA nervous, dont even know where to start from, notice she's slightly creeped because of me not knowing how to start
>the plan was "I MUST CONFESS THAT I ABSOLUTELY, THOROUGHLY, TRULY, HONESTLY, HUMBLY, SINCERELY, TENDERLY LOVE YOU"
>the actual thing, after over a minute of trying to kiss her being faster than her (dunno how you call this but when a girl dodges a kiss we call it "la cobra" because of the cobra-like motion) and not knowing what to say and creeping the shit outta her:
>"I... MUST CONFESS..." "Dude, whats up, why you talking in english?" "oh dunno, i guess it makes it easier. what i was trying to say is that I... think I love you..."
>awkward silence. the answer is obv a NO
>still sit with her in class. dont love her anymore. feel deeply stupid for ruining such a GOOD and CLOSE relationship, always cuddling and giggling in class while feeling the hate because we're basically the nerds there.
>got rejected for a dude who was worse at everything, even looks. depressed because i thought it was my fault.
>currently trying to surpass her at class. most probably fail, but trying will surely make me study harder.
>compensate playing minecraft and ps1 on the computer again.

Can't even begin to figure out the reason for such an EPIC fail after progressing so much with most aspects of my life.

Kids throw around the word love too much, if you wouldnt give your life for that person you are not in love with them

[SwiftFootedBird]

>in love with girl for like 3 or 4 months. slightly chubby, almost aspergers, hella cute, easily over 130IQ = instalove
>had been doing lotsa exercise and looked pretty ripped. guess it was enough to overcome her current bf.
>gonna ask her out on tuesday. some friend of us walks with us and i cant do shit plus her bf comes to pick her up
>over 9000 rage
>okay, thursday is the day. tell her we had to talk privately. get HELLA nervous, dont even know where to start from, notice she's slightly creeped because of me not knowing how to start
>the plan was "I MUST CONFESS THAT I ABSOLUTELY, THOROUGHLY, TRULY, HONESTLY, HUMBLY, SINCERELY, TENDERLY LOVE YOU"
>the actual thing, after over a minute of trying to kiss her being faster than her (dunno how you call this but when a girl dodges a kiss we call it "la cobra" because of the cobra-like motion) and not knowing what to say and creeping the shit outta her:
>"I... MUST CONFESS..." "Dude, whats up, why you talking in english?" "oh dunno, i guess it makes it easier. what i was trying to say is that I... think I love you..."
>awkward silence. the answer is obv a NO
>still sit with her in class. dont love her anymore. feel deeply stupid for ruining such a GOOD and CLOSE relationship, always cuddling and giggling in class while feeling the hate because we're basically the nerds there.
>got rejected for a dude who was worse at everything, even looks. depressed because i thought it was my fault.
>currently trying to surpass her at class. most probably fail, but trying will surely make me study harder.
>compensate playing minecraft and ps1 on the computer again.

Can't even begin to figure out the reason for such an EPIC fail after progressing so much with most aspects of my life.

Kids throw around the word love too much, if you wouldnt give your life for that person you are not in love with them

Now that I re-read that post I realize how stupid it is, as the moment it depicts. I would have actually given my life for her. I totally fell for her, which I guess was stupid and as easy to avoid as to happen. I'm sorry for you having to read such a stupid thing and I appreciate your advice.

[MacYoCoffee]

Elementary School

For whatever reason the elementary school that I went to required us to do video taped presentations starting at 3rd grade.  The particular topic in mind was Why I'm Proud to be American and it was in 4th grade.  At the time it was cool to present stuff on the same day your friends did.  On said day I was feeling fine.  I'd just presented and all I had to do was ride it out, right? WRONG. FUCKING WRONG. In the middle of my friend Andres' speech I ripped a short, yet just loud enough fart for everyone to notice and then everyone fuckin' looked at me, inching away.  Everyone except for my teacher started laughing.  2 minutes later....DING. Another one. This time the girls by me back the fuck up.  They already moved prior, but this time I swear there was at least a 2 foot radius surrounding me. Now ole boy Andres can't keep his focus so he finished his speech half laughing.  Ten years later I occasionally think about that tape. 

Middle School: My Eye Witness Report

I. In 8th grade our pe coach got us oriented with the weight room.  The last thing he ends with is the bench press and to show us a proper example he calls up this kid named Ben. Right as he finished his first press he gets a boner and everyone starts talking.  Coach notices it but is considerably more professional about it so he makes Ben finish the set.  Unfortunately this didn't give the kid good press.

II. Somehow we all end up in the weight room and Coach decides that we need to see another prime example of the bench press because apparently most of us have been messing up.  Ben is called up and he gets another erection.  This time someone up front yells "Oh god dammit! Boner Ben is at it again!" Boner Ben defeated crawls back to the floor.

[pica]

when i was a kid, me and my parents visited some of their friends. somehow i found one of those cheap plastic pens you get for free from companies as an advertisement, etc.  out of boredom i dismantled it, took it apart, bend out the feather, broke of that plastic clip and finally gave it a good old chew on, long story short, i had that thing destroyed within less than 10 minutes. when the lady found her pen she was all in tears and stuff, she was a writer and had written her last 2 books with that pen.

[Hercules Rockefeller]

when i was a kid, me and my parents visited some of their friends. somehow i found one of those cheap plastic pens you get for free from companies as an advertisement, etc.  out of boredom i dismantled it, took it apart, bend out the feather, broke of that plastic clip and finally gave it a good old chew on, long story short, i had that thing destroyed within less than 10 minutes. when the lady found her pen she was all in tears and stuff, she was a writer and had written her last 2 books with that pen.

i have the same problem to this day. i destroy my pens within 2,3 days.

[No mongz]

When I was a freshman Meand this girl I really liked were in the lunchline and some girl with a Downs walked up into the line next to us.
The girl started doing so arm jerks, and for some reason I was clueless that she was they way she is (best lookin retard I ever saw), and I thought she was dancing and I was fellin goofy so I decided to do some stupid jig with her, and the girl I liked just got super pissed, hit me, and stormed off. I felt pretty shitty about what happened and a teacher yelled at me.

Me and the girl later laughed about it when she became a hoe though.

[busey]

thank god she turned into a hoe and came to her senses

-Zurg

[Ripped Laces]

When I was a freshman Meand this girl I really liked were in the lunchline and some girl with a Downs walked up into the line next to us.
The girl started doing so arm jerks, and for some reason I was clueless that she was they way she is (best lookin retard I ever saw), and I thought she was dancing and I was fellin goofy so I decided to do some stupid jig with her, and the girl I liked just got super pissed, hit me, and stormed off. I felt pretty shitty about what happened and a teacher yelled at me.

Me and the girl later laughed about it when she became a hoe though.

Keep it up pimp.

[Bronson]

I just walked in to a public swimming pool with no swimming pants.

[Josh McLaughlin]

when i was in 7th grade in our pe locker room we sould store our clothes in these small lockers about half of the size length wise as the regular ones. as we got back from class i started messing around and for some reason i thought it would be dope if i got inside the locker and chilled for a second. i got most the way in and my feet wouldnt get all the way in. this asshole then (still fucking hate him today) smashes the locker shut but only so the first hinge on top is close. my adio bams are sticking out the fucking bottom and now im tripping my balls off because im actual inside of the thing now and im hyperventalating and shit. a crowd begins to for around the locker and im just looking out of vent slot holes in the locker for someone to help me out. i frantically yell "get me out" a couple of times and luckily one of the pe teachers mr. bolton came over and had to rip the door off the locker. he was a cool dude. i was asked about the incident for the next month or so and sometimes it will still come up. i was scared shitless man.

[skateboardpizza]

one time i was leaving the skatepark with my friends and i tried to holler at this girl while i was backing my moms car out of the parking lot and as soon as i said something and she turned around to look i backed into my friends car super hard . she just laughed and went back to her business ,