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October 25, 2014, 12:44:53 AM
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Author Topic: Things You've Said to Women that Didn't Quite Work  (Read 2608 times)
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StabMasterArson
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« Reply #30 on: March 31, 2012, 03:50:16 PM »

My mouth gets in the way of my dick more often than not. Once a girl asked me to talk dirty to her which i dont ever, ever like to do. And I uttered "I want to fuck every hole in your body"...didn't get past the first one. Another time in Vegas I was fornicating with the nice women who trains the Dolphins at the Mirage and I was blackout drunk randomly talking during sex. I sometimes feel it eases up the tension, and I still don't know what I was talking about leading up to it and ended it with ......"but im fucking you instead." she rolled over and I asked what way to start walking.

On the bright side, I had just finshed having sex with a girl for the first time and after, she found a full potato chip in my bed and asked why it was there, and I replied "you just got Frito-Laid". She told me about a month later, after that dumbass comment, she knew I was a good guy and she wanted me around more. I had sex with her best friend about a month after.
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DaSk8D00D
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« Reply #31 on: March 31, 2012, 03:56:20 PM »

I know me & you have had our differences but i must admit the Frito-Laid line is definitely worth stealing
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anblue
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You just got killed by a Daewoo Lanos, motherfucka


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« Reply #32 on: March 31, 2012, 04:18:58 PM »

do you like dragons or down with anal usually does the trick
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Who the fuck spends more than $5 at taco bell?
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poopmonkey
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« Reply #33 on: March 31, 2012, 04:27:13 PM »

At a party last night, there was a girl painted completely blue, turned out she was supposed to be an indian goddess or some shit. Asked her if she had a blue waffle as well. When asked what that would be, i googled it on my phone en showed it to her. she wasn't too excited about it. Here's a picture of my friend trying to steal her drink:
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StabMasterArson
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« Reply #34 on: March 31, 2012, 04:28:40 PM »

I know me & you have had our differences but i must admit the Frito-Laid line is definitely worth stealing
We have no differnces, I'm sure you're a good dude, just a shitty poster.
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Unbridled Technical Precision
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C.H.Z.


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« Reply #35 on: March 31, 2012, 04:45:09 PM »

I know me & you have had our differences but i must admit the Frito-Laid line is definitely worth stealing
We have no differnces, I'm sure you're a good dude, just a shitty poster.

you guys are fuckin' cute
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skate_bored
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« Reply #36 on: March 31, 2012, 04:50:58 PM »

I used to have this really bad habit of getting drunk and asking girls to watch sci fi with me. Never has that ever worked.

i was just joking around at a party and asked a girl "wanna go back to my apartment, get high and watch star trek?" she said "engage." never in my life have i had a harder boner. found out later that she flicks the bean to spock.

i decided recently that i will make sure i ask every girl i hang out with to "get high and watch porn". if they say no then its on to the next one. the ones who say yes are pretty fucking good in the sack and ive actually never watched porn with any of them still. its a good test though.
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sexualhelon
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I'm an ardent supporter of futile causes.
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« Reply #37 on: March 31, 2012, 10:27:14 PM »

- Girl, your eyebrows are making me seriously hungry for McDonald's right now. Those are some amazing arches.

- I bet you'd be really good at playing hot potato because you sure know how to drop it like it's hot.

- Watch girl come out of the bathroom. Girl stands beside you at bar. Say, "I know what you did in there".

- You're in it to win it. You've already got here in your arms and it's a slow dance. Whisper, "I want to go jihad on your vagina".

- Tell her your old girlfriends used to call you Jesus because there was never a second coming. No...wait...
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apad88
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« Reply #38 on: April 01, 2012, 03:00:25 AM »

"you just got Frito-Laid".
you're my hero.
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Grubby Mits
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kim you need to leave him


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« Reply #39 on: April 01, 2012, 05:02:54 AM »

Not me, but when i was like 15 some guy asked my good girl friend (who i went on the pork) this

'Do you ever want to get married?'

'Er, I dont know...'

'Well I know how I can tell' *Leans in for a kiss*


She got up, walked off and lost her virginity to his best friend under a tree.
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Filip
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« Reply #40 on: April 02, 2012, 03:32:36 PM »

Swallow bitch, there's people starving in Africa.


« Last Edit: April 02, 2012, 03:35:32 PM by Filip » Logged
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TheFifthColumn
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« Reply #41 on: April 02, 2012, 03:34:05 PM »

"I can smell your teeth from across the room"
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DaSk8D00D
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« Reply #42 on: April 02, 2012, 05:51:43 PM »

I know me & you have had our differences but i must admit the Frito-Laid line is definitely worth stealing
We have no differnces, I'm sure you're a good dude, just a shitty poster.

you guys are fuckin' cute

you can tell he really brought his A-game with that perfectly executed neg.
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skateohio
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« Reply #43 on: April 02, 2012, 09:26:23 PM »

Before I quit

Me, "Do you smoke?"

Her, "No."

END OF CONVERSATION.

haha. fuck.
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finknoos
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Typos here there and everywhere


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« Reply #44 on: April 03, 2012, 12:44:47 AM »

sooo umm, like what music do you like and stuff?
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oldeath
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« Reply #45 on: April 03, 2012, 01:04:15 AM »

Since im married it sounds like this.

Can you help me with this?

In a bit.

Can you do this now?

In a while.

can you get your lazy ass off the couch?

can you stop nagging.

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Upgrayedd
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« Reply #46 on: April 03, 2012, 06:39:23 AM »

When i first getting started on my tattoo collection, drinking pretty heavy and generally not giving shits

"10 bucks says i look better naked than you do."
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Beeda Weeda
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« Reply #47 on: April 03, 2012, 07:59:52 AM »

"yo baby, got any money?"
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oneshovel
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« Reply #48 on: April 03, 2012, 11:35:29 AM »

"What do I do for fun?  I dunno I like to go on skateboarding websites and stuff."
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no fun
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« Reply #49 on: April 04, 2012, 02:15:06 AM »

To my disappointment "What's your interests, uh? Who you be with?" didn't work.
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Put on a helmet and some pads and start doing some real shit.
Yushin Okami
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« Reply #50 on: April 04, 2012, 06:38:08 AM »

Did you ask her what things make her smile? Or what numbers to dial? Cause it's sort of a package deal with those questions.
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staining niggas homework wit his buttjuice
BarcelonaCEO
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« Reply #51 on: April 04, 2012, 06:52:18 AM »

chatting with her on facebook and said: what are you wearing right now? Wink. She was like WHAT?
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Lance
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« Reply #52 on: April 04, 2012, 07:03:31 AM »

"yo girl i'm just tryin to get some stinky on my hang low."


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Anyone else notice that Tony Parker is the Gino of basketball?
David
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« Reply #53 on: April 04, 2012, 02:19:26 PM »

A friend of mine convinced someone to stick his dick under a faucet when this girl was out of the room. When she came back she asked what he was doing he said, "im just trying to get my dick wet". She ran out of the house.
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