real confessions

[busey]

why wouldn't you just go to the liquor store opposed to renting out a hotel room and drinking mini bottles?

or better yet, why not just a bar?


your story makes no sense. here's a gnar.

[Karlos]

thought process is a too nice thing to call this happening. i dont remember all but one of the last things running through my mind was a salmon sandwich from the breakfast table.. it's an overwhelming feeling, really. maybe one of those like a boss kind of mojos when you dont really care. what im ashamed of, though, is giving the taxi driver my passport and telling ill be back with some money and forgetting it the moment i step in and see my dog.

[apad88]

I get sad when no one hits me up to skate.

[happenstance]

I get sad when no one hits me up to skate.

I hear you. I saw your other posts as well (your post about suicide specifically). Let me tell you, life can get better if you make an active effort to be nice to yourself. I know this can be quite difficult. I speak from experience.

I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and here is why: I raised myself basically from the age of 8. My father had serious diabetes and would always sleep while my mother hid from the family at work. As in she would leave before I woke up and come back after I went to bed. I learned to cook then and decided I had to grow up, but it was really some scared delusional thinking - I threw away all my toys on my 8th birthday. My fathers health got worse, my mother split up with him. I got pretty into substance abuse but eventually was able to mellow that out (edit 3: I still smoke massive amounts of weed. Sometimes not the best for me). I was taking care of my father by the time I was 14. I went to the hospital at least 100 times with him. By the time I was 17, taking care of my father was a serious job. My mother got breast cancer around this time but it went into remission. I left home to escape this shit when I was 18 but didn't really make too many friends. My mom came up to visit me and told me she was terminally ill now. I decided to move back home. I got home Christmas eve, she died Christmas day in my arms vomiting up huge amounts of bile. By 19 my father was starting to lose his mind, had horrible hygiene and lost a leg. I was pretty much his full time hospice caretaker at this point but lived in the garage because the house smelled so bad. I was so over it I wanted him to die. By 21, I was so used to seeing him sick that when I woke up one morning and he was on the floor, I didn't think much of it and went to the bathroom. I came out and he was dead. The 911 operator tried to explain to me how I could possibly resuscitate him and I didn't even want to try. I mean, he was definitely dead at this point and had been for hours but I think a lot of other people would have tried but I didn't want to. This was the day after Thanksgiving. My only living relatives that I want anything to do with are my sister and grandmother (who is getting really old) and both relationships are complicated (I know, a complicated relationship with a grandmother sounds strange). Things have improved a lot with both of them. There is so much more to this, I am sure you could imagine how this would taint personal relationships with friends, family and women. I contemplated suicide more than you can imagine. I got close once. I am 26 now and am finally starting to feel alive. I still have a shit ton of problems (PTSD) but have made a lot of steps in the right direction.

No matter how bad it gets, I try and remember it could be worse. I intern at this refugee relief organization and I meet people who have lost their whole families and have spent the last 10 years in a refugee camp. I try every day to be thankful for what I have. Right now I am in Southern California visiting my sister and when I get back to Berkeley I think I have my first 'real job' lined up and 2 women's phone numbers in my phone. Shit started to get better once I made an effort for it to get better.

Edit: ElBonerGrande, I am not trying to call you out for not having a bad situation. This wasn't may intention if it seems that way. I had a point and lost it in a stream-of-consciousness rant. I think the last paragraph sort of touches on it. We all can live in our own personal hells. Start being nice to yourself and maybe try seeking some help. Life can improve and it has for me (I haven't even been able to skate for over a year because of a knee injury and I am still saying this! I think that says something). Keep your head up.

Edit 2: I totally just spilled my guts on slap and it feels good.

[apad88]

I get sad when no one hits me up to skate.

I hear you. I saw your other posts as well. Let me tell you, life can get better if you make an active effort to be nice to yourself. This is quite difficult. I speak from experience.

I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and here is why: I raised myself basically from the age of 8. My father had serious diabetes and would always sleep while my mother hid from the family at work. As in she would leave before I woke up and come back after I went to bed. I learned to cook then and decided I had to grow up, but it was really some scared delusional thinking - I threw away all my toys on my 8th birthday. My fathers health got worse, my mother split up with him. I got pretty into substance abuse but eventually was able to mellow that out. I was taking care of my father by the time I was 14. I went to the hospital at least 100 times with him. By the time I was 17, taking care of my father was a serious job. My mother got breast cancer around this time but it went into remission. I left home to escape this shit when I was 18 but didn't really make too many friends. My mom came up to visit me and told me she was terminally ill now. I decided to move back home. I got home Christmas eve, she died Christmas day in my arms vomiting up huge amounts of bile. By 19 my father was starting to lose his mind, had horrible hygiene and lost a leg. I was pretty much his full time hospice caretaker at this point but lived in the garage because the house smelled so bad. I was so over it I wanted him to die. By 21, I was so used to seeing him sick that when I woke up one morning and he was on the floor, I didn't think much of it and went to the bathroom. I came out and he was dead. The 911 operator tried to explain to me how I could possibly resuscitate him and I didn't even want to try. I mean, he was definitely dead at this point and had been for hours but I think a lot of other people would have tried but I didn't want to. This was the day after Thanksgiving. My only living relatives that I want anything to do with are my sister and grandmother (who is getting really old) and both relationships are complicated (I know, a complicated relationship with a grandmother sounds strange). Things have improved a lot with both of them. There is so much more to this, I am sure you could imagine how this would taint personal relationships with friends, family and women. I contemplated suicide more than you can imagine. I got close once. I am 26 now and am finally starting to feel alive. I still have a shit ton of problems (PTSD) but have made a lot of steps in the right direction.

No matter how bad it gets, I try and remember it could be worse. I intern at this refugee relief organization and I meet people who have lost their whole families and have spent the last 10 years in a refugee camp. I try every day to be thankful for what I have. Right now I am in Southern California visiting my sister and when I get back to Berkeley I think I have my first 'real job' lined up and 2 women's phone numbers in my phone. Shit started to get better once I made an effort for it to get better.

Thanks for sharing your story and sorry to hear your childhood was crappy man. I hear what you're saying about making the effort towards happiness, I'll keep that in mind in the future if I ever start to feel shitty. Thanks again.

[oyolar]

Edit 2: I totally just spilled my guts on slap and it feels good.

Damn happenstance. That's crazy. But this last sentence is so true. That's what this thread is for and there have been numerous that I've felt this same thing, even if it was just something small and stupid, but I felt I had to say.

[happenstance]

After that heavy post I just made I feel the need to put in a stupid one. I dance wildly in elevators 90% of the time.

[Rumpleforeskin]

Those two posts made me really like Happenstance

[happenstance]

Those two posts made me really like Happenstance

Admittedly, I don't dance in elevators when there are other people in it. Thanks though!

[Grubby Mits]

My auntie has been put in an induced coma after getting pneumonia over Christmas. She's a 'recovering' 40 year old heroin addict. I say recovering because she has been hooked on methadone for over a year now, that shit is just as bad and they just let you have it. Last year her boyfriend tried to kill her and that was when she finally quit brown, but she looks every piece as shit as she did a year ago. She has to use a cane for fucks sake. My grandma hasn't even told my grandpa because he's meant to be in hospital right now after collapsing from his weak heart, which is due to smoking and eating badly (he had a triple heart bypass 15 years ago). Hopefully my auntie can pull through and maybe this will finally make her realise she has to sort herself out or she will be dead, very soon. The worst part of it is that my cousin (her daughter) has been living in hostels whilst trying to study for school because her dad kicked her out and she went to send christmas with her mum, mow she's sitting by her bedside hoping she doesn't die. I can't even do anything because I live so far away.

Fuck

[Dark Knight]

sorry to hear about that, grubby mitts...kepp your head up, brother.

and damn, happenstance.  your last sentence summed it up.  you can make things better once you actually put an effort into it, good on you, man.

[GarglesCmen]

I think my grandma is going to pass soon, I'm not too sad about it, even though it was extremely disheartening being by her bedside a couple of weeks ago with my dad. He got moved into the room after she fell out of her bed in the nursing home and fractured some bones. She is starting to lose her mind by yelling at things that are not there (she asked my dad if his brother ever took the rods out of the water, even though he has not fished in 20 years and she also was yelling at my dads other brother sitting in the EMPTY chair in the room). My dad told her that she was going back to the nursing home and she said that she didn't want to go, so my dad asked where she wanted to go and all she said was "Home, I want to go home" and my dad replied, "you aren't that far away from home, just wait a little more", I kept it all in and didn't cry, even though I was on the verge of just busting out. She had a good life, and I am happy I got to say I love you and stuff to her, like I wish I did to my grandpa.

[Uluru]

- I feel like most of the people I skate with dislike me and having me around.

-I'm depressed as fuck and have no idea what to do with my life. I don't mean 'depressed' as in 13 year old facebook shit, I mean clinically depressed, wanting to die and really hating myself. I also have anxiety, which comes and goes. It went away for about 9 months but has now come back.

- I get this feeling all the time that good things won't last. An example is my dog; I've had him for a bit less than a year after my old one died, and he's the best pet ever. But I can't shake this feeling that he's too good to be true and he won't last long. It fucking kills me, I love him so much but at the same time some part of my head is telling me to not get too close because he might not last long. I also get this feeling with my physical health. I've never broken a bone or had anything seriously wrong and I just get this feeling that I will soon, and I'm fucking shitscared of it happening. Even with small things like rolling ankles while skating, it sometimes stops me from trying tricks that I want to.

- Two of my grandparents (on different sides of the family) are going crazy. I don't know how much longer and of my grandparents will be around. I feel terrible because I live pretty far away from them, and going to see them was always a hassle and I have never looked forward to it. Because of the distance I have never had a close relationship with them either. I wish I did.

- I am uncircumsized and used to have a condition called phimosis (non-retractable foreskin). My younger brother also had it, and he got circumsized. I didn't want to go through what he went through, so I fixed it myself. I'm fine now.

- I am in love with one of my best friends. Unfortunately, she has a jock boyfriend who treats her like shit and I don't know what to do about it.


wow

[trolltoll]

you guys are the only people i have to talk about skateboarding with.
all i have to skate is flat ground so i rarely skate anymore.
i can't wait to pay off my court fines so i can get some money up to build something.
i was eating good and exercising before the holidays and now i'm just a lethargic sack of shit.
been drinking more...
basically i started doing good things for myself but i missed a foothold in the wall of life, and have wound up back in the booze pool of self loathing.
but its almost a new year.

[ice nine]

What do you mean you fixed your foreskin?

[happenstance]

This is about to be a new year everyone. Time for us all to take control of our lives. You can take the first step today. Decide to be thankful for all that you have in your life.

Edit: I am starting to feel like Tony Robbins. Seriously though people, if I can change my life you can too. You would be surprised how many more people will want to be in your life once you are happy with yourself.

[Uluru]

What do you mean you fixed your foreskin?

I had to stretch it 

[The Poster Formerly Known As Crass]

What do you mean you fixed your foreskin?

I had to stretch it? 

you couldnt pull it back at all?

[Uluru]

What do you mean you fixed your foreskin?

I had to stretch it? 

you couldnt pull it back at all?

A little bit, but not enough. All good now but, ppheewww

[Tufty]

 - I find it difficult to communicate with almost all people, i really think its pointless almost everyone is stupid.

- My family included, and i sometimes feel sorry about this because they love me.

- I think the communication thing is worse with women, i havent had something more than one night stand for about three years. I get into conversations with girls and i get bored so much with their non sense bullshit that i lose my apetite even for sex with them. I dont bother anymore talkin to girls unless they talk to me. It usually ends with "you are such an asshole" because i tell them they are boring and stupid.

- I am 23 yo and getting bald. I dont give a fuck but i really hate people who point out that my hair is thinning. I mean i got a mirror at home i know that already, tell me something i dont know. One of my best friends is getting bald too and when he gets comments like that he gets really depressed. I really wanna punch those people just for that.

- I suck at skating but its the only thing along with music that makes me happy. Cruising in the city just ollieing shit 50-50in and wallies, while listening to music is better than sex for sure.

- My friends are telling me that i am becoming crazy and asocial, because i get out of home only to skate or to excercise or go to the university. Most of the time i stay in and play the bass or study. No partying for months now. I think i am getting old.

[HendoSkates]

Skateboarding keeps me alive if someone took it away from me I would most likely commit suicide. I've never found something I've been stuck to in my life. I've kept off so many things just so I can stay skating. Hopefully I can stay this way.

[The Poster Formerly Known As Crass]

What do you mean you fixed your foreskin?

I had to stretch it?? 

you couldnt pull it back at all?

A little bit, but not enough. All good now but, ppheewww

Ah, thats so weird how that happens.
I used to be embarrassed by my foreskin. In high school guys in the locker room (no one was naked) would ask who was circumcised and who wasn't. Only 1 guy admitted he was uncircumcised. They all laughed and when they asked me I lied. My foreskin barely covered my head, but I kept putting it behind the head so it could look "normal". So now my foreskin is permanently behind my head if that makes any sense. It wasnt until in late in high school or college that I didn't care. It's natural to have one and sex is better for me and the girl. So now I'm actually happy I have it.

[Bronson]

What do you mean you fixed your foreskin?

I had to stretch it?? 

you couldnt pull it back at all?

A little bit, but not enough. All good now but, ppheewww

Ah, thats so weird how that happens.
I used to be embarrassed by my foreskin. In high school guys in the locker room (no one was naked) would ask who was circumcised and who wasn't. Only 1 guy admitted he was uncircumcised. They all laughed and when they asked me I lied. My foreskin barely covered my head, but I kept putting it behind the head so it could look "normal". So now my foreskin is permanently behind my head if that makes any sense. It wasnt until in late in high school or college that I didn't care. It's natural to have one and sex is better for me and the girl. So now I'm actually happy I have it.

That's such a weird cultural thing, is circumsicion still such a common thing in the States (assuming you are both from there)? I don't think anyone at all is circumcised around here, not that I go around looking for hoodless penises 

[The Poster Formerly Known As Crass]

Yeah I'm from the US. It seems to be very common here to circumcise. I knew a lot of guys made fun of uncircumcised penis's, not sure what girls think. Some people don't even know what a foreskin is.

[Uluru]

I'm from Australia, and as far as I know circumcision is pretty uncommon here. The dudes that are circumcised and open about it are payed out. Its pretty common to hear someone say 'Give me some skin! Oh wait, nevermind' to circumcised boys. I never even knew I had a problem till about halfway through last year. When I watched porn I just assumed that they were all circumcised.

Apparently its not uncommon though,about 10% of uncircumcised boys have it.

[oyolar]

I'm from Australia, and as far as I know circumcision is pretty uncommon here. The dudes that are circumcised and open about it are payed out. Its pretty common to hear someone say 'Give me some skin! Oh wait, nevermind' to circumcised boys. I never even knew I had a problem till about halfway through last year. When I watched porn I just assumed that they were all circumcised.

Apparently its not uncommon though,about 10% of uncircumcised boys have it.

Are you saying being circumcised is a problem?

[Rumpleforeskin]

I think I'm becomingr depressed again..  I've been spending the last days of break by myself playing Xbox and listening to music and school starts Wednesday..  Fuck.  And I have to pay for two bullshit speeding tickets, which means I have to get a job.. I just hope I can take traffic school..  If any of you guys know how to get out of a ticket please let me know.

[Uluru]

I'm from Australia, and as far as I know circumcision is pretty uncommon here. The dudes that are circumcised and open about it are payed out. Its pretty common to hear someone say 'Give me some skin! Oh wait, nevermind' to circumcised boys. I never even knew I had a problem till about halfway through last year. When I watched porn I just assumed that they were all circumcised.

Apparently its not uncommon though,about 10% of uncircumcised boys have it.

Are you saying being circumcised is a problem?

Nah, the problem was phimosis. Read my earlier posts.

[oyolar]

I'm from Australia, and as far as I know circumcision is pretty uncommon here. The dudes that are circumcised and open about it are payed out. Its pretty common to hear someone say 'Give me some skin! Oh wait, nevermind' to circumcised boys. I never even knew I had a problem till about halfway through last year. When I watched porn I just assumed that they were all circumcised.

Apparently its not uncommon though,about 10% of uncircumcised boys have it.

Are you saying being circumcised is a problem?

Nah, the problem was phimosis. Read my earlier posts.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I got confuzzled.

[degobra]

im to shy to talk to people. new people make me so nervous i start sweating and stuttering ill turn nothing into a awkward moment in no time flat, its been bumming me out for so many years i feel like that sad feeling is just apart of me i cant beat it. also feel like im a huge let down to my mom shes never said anything like that but i can see it, your son grew up wanting to ride a skateboard and draw comic strips   sorry mom.