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General Discussion => Classic SLAP => Topic started by: longballlarry on June 05, 2008, 12:43:08 AM
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do you look at the paper after you wipe?
don't you?
hey slap. what's the deal?
i used to do this when i first learned how to wipe. but then like several years later, i figured that there was no point in doing it anymore. a while ago this guy i know was talking about how he had to take a shit in a dark bathroom with no light on and how it was impossible for him because he couldn't look at the paper after he wiped. what do you need to look at the paper for? it's going to be shit every time.
how many of you look at the paper after wiping?
also, do you guys fold the paper when you wipe?
i just kind of roll it into a ball and wipe it like that.
also i read that some of you wipe standing up.
i personally wipe sitting down because that way my butt cheeks are spread out wider and there is easier access.
how do you guys wipe your butts?
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alright mate. you always look at the paper, just to see what the fuck your shitting out of your hole. what if it was a bug or a quarter. you'd be a wiser and richer person, fact. you always get naked from belly button to toe. always. well, actually socks are okay depending on your situation. this way while you're taking a shit you can spread it out very eagle like. everytime you feel like somethings gonna fall out of your ass you imagine mike mo doing a tre flip, and you reenact it. BAM. tre shit. BAM. three shitxy tre flip. unless you're an eco friendly fairy from portland, dont even worry about rationing your paper. abuse it like Bob dylan has been abusing his legacy since the 80s. don't look back or think twice, it's alright. and you always stand up to wipe, it's just good ethic quality. the precision by doing this is undeniable if you take my advice here: left hand grabs left butt cheek. left hand then pulls outwards to the left, exposing the asshole much more than if you were sitting on some pussy ass toilet. right hand gets real fierce and cleans the doo off your doo. thus making a positively undeniable sheet of doodoo and a clean ass that is still intact. now if you are on mescaline during this process. do everything i've said in this paragraph backwards. and it will blow your fucking mind.
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Jesus. I'd have never answered that well.
I just kinda pat the asshole like a little kitten's nose.
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of course you look, you need to inspect your work. would you want your repair man to not inspect his work, and just tell you to take his word for it? can you truly be trusted, larry? relax your glutes, in order to not squeeze off a shit too early, a catalyst for a struggling wipe. precision wiping, like the bull technique of the zulu tribes (please do not just thrust that paper through your ass, discomforting said ass, what is the rush?). a shit is a time for reflection, and regrouping.
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wipe from back to front 2 squares at a time. check when it feels right.
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back to front?
that's just asking to get it all over your nuts afterwards
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you look at the paper to see if you need to wipe more, if the shit is kind of faded, then just wipe once more and your good to go.
i dont wipe while sitting down because i want to get away from my shit after im done.
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standing up to wipe? that's fucked! I sit down and lean forward
I check every once in awhile, like the first one to see what's goin on, then a few paper later to see the progressionand when it feels done I check every paper 'til it's all gone to make sure there's nothing left
Rolling the paper into a ball sounds wierd too, and actually wiping? wouldn't the poo just get spread out and what not? like mike said, you'd get it on your balls and stuff? I just press gently...
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I just press gently...
fuck.
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Ive always wondered how blind people know when they are done wiping?
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maybe a family member or close friend follows them in there to spot them?
or the seeing eye dog does the honor?
they say dogs mouths are clean
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you look at the paper to see if you need to wipe more, if the shit is kind of faded, then just wipe once more and your good to go.
But it fucking blows my mind people wipe standing up. Don't you have any ass hair? Why would you stand up and squeeze your shitty cheeks together? That's asking for willnots, or theygos, or whatever else you may refer to that shit as. You get maximum exposure sitting down.
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the second i clicked into this thread, I had to take a shit
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you look at the paper to see if you need to wipe more, if the shit is kind of faded, then just wipe once more and your good to go.
But it fucking blows my mind people wipe standing up. Don't you have any ass hair? Why would you stand up and squeeze your shitty cheeks together? That's asking for willnots, or theygos, or whatever else you may refer to that shit as. You get maximum exposure sitting down.
you don't really stand up straight, you just get your ass away from the shit you just took to give your hand some room to wipe. you don't squish together your ass cheeks at all.
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i gave up shitting, i just fart them out.
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how many of you look at the paper after wiping?
*raises hand* so i know what the fuck is coming out of my body. I've had everything from lagoon green to 100% blood red stained paper. There's no point in not looking.
also, do you guys fold the paper when you wipe?
yes, and wipe again with it folded to get the rest. when there is no more visible shit on the paper. I'm done.
also i read that some of you wipe standing up.
I didn't post that, but that's a definite must for me. all bent over with my back arched and shit. very undignified.
and kev, just spread em apart man.
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holy shit. i never knew it was a general consensus that everyone looks at the paper after they wipe. i kind of just know when i'm done by the way the toilet paper feels on my butt. if it feels dry than i just get up and go. i mean i usually just look in the bowl when i'm done. that way i know what i just did. maybe i should start looking at the paper like the rest of you guys? i will always wipe sitting down though. its just more comfortable for me that way and i'm already used to it. what if i stand up and the back of my shirt gets all on my shitty butt. then what? unless of course i get fully undressed. but that just seems like too much of a hassle. how many wipes do you guys take? for me it's about 3 on average. on those really sticky days i can use 4 or 5 though.
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Standing up, one foot up on the seat if I need to get serious. >:(
How the hell do you not look? You need to know what you're dealing with. If I'm in a public restroom and it's really bad I'll do a preliminary wipe, go out and get a few wet paper towels, then come back and bat clean up. Then freshen up with one more round of dry toilet paper.
But 99% of the time I shit right after my morning coffee and then take a shower. Sudsy shampoo does wonders in the old crack.
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Sudsy shampoo does wonders in the old crack.
more like, stings it into oblivion.
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wipe from back to front 2 squares at a time. check when it feels right.
back to front is just asking for trouble, you'll end up with shit in yoru chode and nut hair, andtwo quares? I need a little more hand protection than that.
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how many wipes do you guys take? for me it's about 3 on average.
You don't look and wipe only 3 times?! Thats so crazy, there has to be shit left. I wipe countless times. Wiping standing up thats a new one. That concept is alien to me, I just sit down. I don't remove clothing either. I just get two squares and fold them over. Everyone I know does it like this. This is so weird to me. Good thread through, I would have never known.
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2 squares? what? i wouldn't even blow my nose with two squares.
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Sudsy shampoo does wonders in the old crack.
Seriously? It's my daily routine and I've never felt the sting. Do you have open soars back there or something?
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Show me Jon's tie wardrobe, and I'll show you my collection of flamboyant toilet paper.
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You gotta look, how are you gonna know your status. The less shittier the paper, the cleaner your ass. I only stop wiping when theres no shit left, so sometimes I'll go through mad TP, if I have to flush twice, 3 times to avoid clogage so be it.
Also, I don't understand you sitting down wipers, do you just lean on one butt cheek and wipe your ass like you would change a tire with a car jack?
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does anybody else frequently think theyre done wiping only to shit once more?
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Thats the worst. It usually happens when the log breaks off halfway. Then you think your done, but the wiping only irritated that second piece of turd and now it wants out! But you already pulled your pants up. Decisions, Decisions.
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Good thread.
I don't know if it's true, but I heard in some middle eastern cultures, they'll only wipe with the hand that they don't use for shaking hands. In one way that seems incredibly civilized, but on the other hand, washing your hands is just as legit.
Also, I hate that toilet paper commercial where the bear goes to hike the ball to papa quarterback and he's got the mad TP dingleberries and the dad is like DAMMMMNNN! Get you on the charmin program, holmes.
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imagine having to wipe your butt with your left hand (or right hand for some of you). that seems like it would be incredibly difficult.
i can't wait till my next shit.
i think i'm going to take off all my clothes, stand up, spread my butt cheeks, wipe with my left hand, and look at the paper before i flush.
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You should probably light a couple candles for mood too.
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remember when Big brother made fun of Lutzka for wraping the toilet paper around his hand like a glove? He should just use all his 2nd and 3rd place trophies, you know he hates them anyways.
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imagine having to wipe your butt with your left hand (or right hand for some of you). that seems like it would be incredibly difficult.
i can't wait till my next shit.
i think i'm going to take off all my clothes, stand up, spread my butt cheeks, wipe with my left hand, and look at the paper before i flush.
Everyone on slap is backing you.
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I've wanted to start a thread like this for a while. Anyway...
Back-to-front is't a big deal if you lift your balls up and out of the way.
also, I fold the paper... my old roomates acted like I was a person for folding the tp. they said that they just grab a bunch of paper, crumple, and wipe. this just doesn't sound effective to me. I've always wondered what the ratio of folders vs. crumplers was.
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folder here....
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You gotta look when you wipe so you know how you are doing.
I stand up when I wipe, and have had this conversation before. I can see sitting down, but it seems sketchy to blindly stick your hand near a pool of water that is filled with shit. Also, I am left handed, and often times the tp dispenser is on the right, I got used to standing up to grab some with my left paw.
Interesting though, nobody brought up dingleberry prevention in my last convo. Good point!
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i get three squares, fold. wipe. fold over. wipe. looking after each wipe. sitting down.
also, i try to shit before i pee so i dont get a cold piss splash on my anus when i pinch off a large one.
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ewww. Why do people keep saying they use the same piece multiple times? I don't care if its clean in one spot, once it is covered in my shit anywhere, I drop it off asap. If you got extra clean space on the paper, you are using too much in one wipe.
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I don't know if it's true, but I heard in some middle eastern cultures, they'll only wipe with the hand that they don't use for shaking hands. In one way that seems incredibly civilized, but on the other hand, washing your hands is just as legit.
I think they eat with the right and wipe with the left. And back in the day when someone was caught stealing they would cut off the right hand so they would have to eat with the shit hand.
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the most gnarly thing is when you do your last strong pinch to get everything out and theres one little bastard that completley fucks up your system down there.
it is the messiest thing, one time it happened and i just said fuck this and didnt go to class, took a shower instead, my asshole is hairy.
i never really stood up until about a month or two ago, but ive been looking for about 3 years, i always thought it was wierd though i never knew if anyone else did.
thats why slap is so legit, unanswered questions get answered (why does the spelling of that looks so wierd)
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Showers are amazing for those afflicted with a hairy ass.
I read a Carnie article in Big Brother where he said nairing his ass worked good for the wiping, but the itching and burning were more than he could handle when it grew back in. Still, I kinda want to try it just to relive my youth of clean breaks.
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in the shitting game, finesse is irrelevant. it's all about what you can do to get the doo out of your system, without a single trace left behind. when you're behind closed doors, going helter skelter on that ass is a must. you can't come out repping the doo on your anus, it's uncomfortable and just plain wrong. you can't go wrong with my flawless steps. also if you're out at night, drunk as a whistle and have no bathroom, don't even think about squatting behind a bush. go to the nearest pole put your hands on it then pull up and wrap the legs around it. there is a 100 percent chance that your shit will stay away from your shoes and your legs. i can't promote the sexiness of this art but the accuracy is as admirable as admiral can get.
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would it be wrong to post a picture of one of my dumps?
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if it's a generic shit, don't bother. but if it comes out looking like kathy griffin or maybe wanda sykes, then i'm all for posting a picture of it.
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in the shitting game, finesse is irrelevant. it's all about what you can do to get the doo out of your system, without a single trace left behind. when you're behind closed doors, going helter skelter on that ass is a must. you can't come out repping the doo on your anus, it's uncomfortable and just plain wrong. you can't go wrong with my flawless steps. also if you're out at night, drunk as a whistle and have no bathroom, don't even think about squatting behind a bush. go to the nearest pole put your hands on it then pull up and wrap the legs around it. there is a 100 percent chance that your shit will stay away from your shoes and your legs. i can't promote the sexiness of this art but the accuracy is as admirable as admiral can get.
hahaha i pictures someone doing this and laughed so hard
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I've discussed my techniques here before so I pose a question instead:
Do you sit down wipers go between the legs as if you had a vagina instead of a cock and balls or do you go around the backside?
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ewww. Why do people keep saying they use the same piece multiple times? I don't care if its clean in one spot, once it is covered in my shit anywhere, I drop it off asap. If you got extra clean space on the paper, you are using too much in one wipe.
were in a recession gipper, as much tp needs to be conserved as possible.
with that said lets talk about the hungover shit and the "wet wipe"
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if it's a generic shit, don't bother. but if it comes out looking like kathy griffin or maybe wanda sykes, then i'm all for posting a picture of it.
well, i had to hold it in for a few hours while i was at school once. i ran home as fast as i could, but i made sure to weigh myuself before i took it. i bomb dropped into the bowl and went to wipe, but it was a no wiper. i gave it a second safety wipe and there was still nothing. i weighed myself after and i weighed 4.2 pounds less than before. half of it went into the hole in the toilet, but from what was floating there i could tell that it was no joke. the underside of it kind of looked gray and slimey while the rest looked like a rocket ship that entered the atmosphere and almost didn't make it because the sides of the ship started to come off. i'm not sure if the scaled picture will give you the detail that i described
i'll post it later since imageshack isn't working for me right now
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tinypic.com, i want to see this sucker.
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this thread is awesome!
yes i look after wiping so i know if i need to wipe again. sometimes you get that never ending wipe, nah mean.
sometimes you get blessed with the 1 wiper but i still throw in an extra wipe just incase it was a fluke.
i use at least 20 squares and ball it up to make sure my fingers don't break through the TP and end up getting shit on my hands.
i usually wipe sitting down but standing up depends on how explosive the shit is.
and yes, sometimes theres blood on the TP after i wipe. i don't know why but i guess its from wiping too hard and pulling out some of your ass hairs?
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tinypic.com, i want to see this sucker.
that didn't work for me either, so i had to upload it on myspace. it doesn't look like much now, but it was huge. it was also really wide
(http://a334.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/53/l_4168d04c272b47d0346e61cedb84b095.jpg)
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holy shit, that looks like daffy duck.
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how would you describe your daily intake of fiber, michael?
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well, i eat a lot of banana's early in the day which holds it in, but i also eat a lot of apples afterwards and they push it all out. everything else varies
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kilgore- you're making me laugh out loud.
ever have to take a shit while you're showering and you have to wipe a wet ass? its pretty hard to do because the tp just gets stuck to your wet cheeks. its a real bitch.
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pretty good fiber regiment. apples will do that for you. try a game that involves everyone skateboarding with you to drink a 64 oz. apple juice blend (not cocktail), and just have the normal skate around the city. the rest can be taken with a grain of salt, i dont know who wins, the first person to shit or the last? but trust, there will be shit.
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That's 2 times I've seen pictures of feces from a Slap poster now.
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shit IN the shower? are you serious?
i sit when i wipe, leave one cheek (usually the left) on the seat, the other way in the air to spread the wiping area as much as possible, one quick wipe from behind (not the vagina cock/balls way MS described) with folded tp, and im usually good to go. occasionally i don't really even need to wipe (always do though).
i shit alot, maybe 3 or 4 times a day
fast metabolism
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I've discussed my techniques here before so I pose a question instead:
Do you sit down wipers go between the legs as if you had a vagina instead of a cock and balls or do you go around the backside?
i kind of lean on my left thigh/ass cheek and wipe with my right hand from the side.
that way my butt cheeks are nice and spread out.
it seems like the cock and balls would get in the way if i did it between the legs.
what do you stand up wipers do with your shirts (if you're wearing them) when your wiping?
do you just like pull it up and kind of hold the bottom of it with your chin pressed against your chest? or do you just let them hang?
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you bite the bottom front end of your shirt with your teeth of course. you don't want a bit of wanda sykes' make up getting on the tail end of your shirt.
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god i love slap.
does anyone ever feel like they have shit on their ass during the day, only to go to the bathroom and wipe and see nothing? maybe its just me and my psuedo-ocd.
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no, not shit IN the shower, but realize you have to shit while showering, so you get out and sit on the toilet. i couldn't shit in the shower, but i pee in it pretty much every time. i know a few guys who take their shirts off while showering because they feel like they'll get the "stink" on their shirt.
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I've discussed my techniques here before so I pose a question instead:
Do you sit down wipers go between the legs as if you had a vagina instead of a cock and balls or do you go around the backside?
Through the legs. Pull your junk upwards towards your belly button with your left hand. Wipe with the right. duh...
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no, not shit IN the shower, but realize you have to shit while showering, so you get out and sit on the toilet. i couldn't shit in the shower, but i pee in it pretty much every time. i know a few guys who take their shirts off while showering because they feel like they'll get the "stink" on their shirt.
yeah pretty much everyone i know takes their shirs off while showering too. it's so much easier that way.
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Kilgore, You're absolutely killing me. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time.
And I'm a naked pooper. I crumple as opposed to folding. and 3 sheets!? 3 SHEETS!? Thats WAY to risky for my blood, what if you finger pokes through that sum bitch and you get doo-doo on your finger? I use like a fourth of a roll on 1 wipe. Can't ever be to careful when it comes to feces on your hands...I stand up too, sitting down has way to many unknown factors.
But you know what really weirds me out, when the toilet seat is so small you gotta do the tuck with your dick so it doesn't touch the seat...I hardly ever shit anywhere but my house because I got an oval seat and I don't gotta do the tuck. But everywhere else I do. Freaks me out.
And I piss before I shit so I don't have the piss watered asshole. Makes me cringe just thinking about it.
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That's 2 times I've seen pictures of feces from a Slap poster now.
I've seen 3: Diego, Sanch, and Fork.
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no, not shit IN the shower, but realize you have to shit while showering, so you get out and sit on the toilet. i couldn't shit in the shower, but i pee in it pretty much every time. i know a few guys who take their shirts off while showering because they feel like they'll get the "stink" on their shirt.
yeah pretty much everyone i know takes their shirs off while showering too. it's so much easier that way.
*shitting. not showering. woops
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god i love slap.
does anyone ever feel like they have shit on their ass during the day, only to go to the bathroom and wipe and see nothing? maybe its just me and my psuedo-ocd.
That's called phantom poopie butt and that's where wet wipes followed by regular tp will clarify for you.
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another tip: stay away from the hot sauce/salsa. do you want your kid to be a redhead? no. why would you want something else you've created to be redheaded as well? a redhead can be good in bed. fact. but the end product is almost never good even when ejaculation sets in. same with hot sauce/salsa. it can taste great, but the end product is an ass that feels like it just got stung by jerry seinfeld in the Bee Movie. or a shit that looks like the poster known as Ginger Nutz. it's just an unpleasant ordeal. shitting is a cleansing process, the toilet is your shrink, you give it all your problems and then the end result is something positive. an empty stomach ready to go work out or a stomach ready to look good when you're missioned style on your girl. or if you're young like baxter you can look really ripe when Uncle Billy tickles you to death and lifts up your shirt and blows real hard on your belly and it makes that fart noise. when Sir John Harington invented the flush toilet in 1596 he had an answer for excretion but what he didnt see were two things. a growing idea of the practice of Jenkem and the financial benefits he could have gained from creating some sort of preserve chamber for the noxious gases feces produces.he also did not see the fact that shitting has a philosophy and art form to it. every intellectual from the beginning of time has been able to avoid many many psychotic reactions because they take shitting very seriously, and have a very strict policy and route when they lock that bathroom door. it's much like the practice i've described on page 1 of this topic. it soothes the mind like a good shot of wine out of your lovers belly button or a nice wrestling match with your pup Roscoe. and also adds structure to your life. wipe standing up my friends, take off your pants and underwear and grab that left ass cheek and tame it, make it your bitch when you're locked up together pantsless in the shitroom. throw on The Immigrant Song by Led Zeppelin and get to fucking shitting!
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Hot food= Bruce Ringsting
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you know you took a gnarly shit when it all comes out in liquid form and it still takes two flushes
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wipe standing up my friends, take off your pants and underwear and grab that left ass cheek and tame it, make it your bitch when you're locked up together pantsless in the shitroom.
hahahahaha your making this thread your bitch, that is sig worthy if anything is
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I feel awkward about shitting in other peoples houses, anyone else feel this way?
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Pooping at the bar is the worst
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I feel awkward about shitting in other peoples houses, anyone else feel this way?
you never know if the toilet is going to flush properly. you could do a test flush, but if you have a problem toilet you may have just wasted your only flush. it can be quite the dilemma...
Pooping at the bar is the worst
this is why i haven't gone out in almost 2 years
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have to look to know when your done
i stand at work but sit at home. this is because i start wiggling my toes when i wipe so that my legs can wake up after long shits at work and i don't have to come limping out of the stalls and have to explain why i'm limping to a coworker. but at home my bigger concern is not get shitty paper shrapnel all over the floor.
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I feel awkward about shitting in other peoples houses, anyone else feel this way?
no but my wife gives me shit if i try too and god forbid i ask the person who's house it is for a magazine. like no one's ever taken a shit with a magazine before
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I feel awkward about shitting in other peoples houses, anyone else feel this way?
you never know if the toilet is going to flush properly. you could do a test flush, but if you have a problem toilet you may have just wasted your only flush. it can be quite the dilemma...
My GF's friend was at her boyfriends parents (who she had just met) and the toilet clogged, she didn't know how to shut the water off and shit + water ended up flooding the entire bathroom and hallway which leads to the kitchen. During dinner time.
And this chick gets super embarassed about stuff, meanwhile her boyfriend had to clean it all up. True story.
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I feel awkward about shitting in other peoples houses, anyone else feel this way?
you never know if the toilet is going to flush properly. you could do a test flush, but if you have a problem toilet you may have just wasted your only flush. it can be quite the dilemma...
My GF's friend was at her boyfriends parents (who she had just met) and the toilet clogged, she didn't know how to shut the water off and shit + water ended up flooding the entire bathroom and hallway which leads to the kitchen. During dinner time.
And this chick gets super embarassed about stuff, meanwhile her boyfriend had to clean it all up. True story.
That is a nightmare situation, if that happened to me I would honestly try to climb out of a window and run away
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I feel awkward about shitting in other peoples houses, anyone else feel this way?
you never know if the toilet is going to flush properly. you could do a test flush, but if you have a problem toilet you may have just wasted your only flush. it can be quite the dilemma...
My GF's friend was at her boyfriends parents (who she had just met) and the toilet clogged, she didn't know how to shut the water off and shit + water ended up flooding the entire bathroom and hallway which leads to the kitchen. During dinner time.
And this chick gets super embarassed about stuff, meanwhile her boyfriend had to clean it all up. True story.
That is a nightmare situation, if that happened to me I would honestly try to climb out of a window and run away
thats movie material right there, bad movie, but movie nonetheless
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<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/uG61KWHaxZ8&hl=en"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/uG61KWHaxZ8&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
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the scenario as mentioned before
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbDiujuv6rQ
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<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/uG61KWHaxZ8&hl=en"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/uG61KWHaxZ8&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
hahaha both of those were exactly what i was talking about, id +1 both of you again if i hadnt already this morning
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I just got SMA for you but someone else needs to get Scoot since I got him for that weird gingernutz emo thing earlier.
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This thread is a Slap career definer for Kilgore
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I just got SMA for you but someone else needs to get Scoot since I got him for that weird gingernutz emo thing earlier.
haha what?
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I just got SMA for you but someone else needs to get Scoot since I got him for that weird gingernutz emo thing earlier.
I just saw this today
(http://i30.tinypic.com/16idter.jpg)
Topic rerail: so I had explosive diarrhea Monday and Tuesday but haven't gone since. I can't wait to go and make my check my bitch.
EDIT: oops that should say cheek, I in no way use checks to wipe my ass.
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o haha thanks jonaski <3
p.s. can we see pictures already?
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every experiment needs an independent variable..
so what do you do when youve got a stiff one and have to shit? would you attempt to bend your member down to piss while you shit?..... thoughts?
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shit IN the shower? are you serious?
i sit when i wipe, leave one cheek (usually the left) on the seat, the other way in the air to spread the wiping area as much as possible, one quick wipe from behind (not the vagina cock/balls way MS described) with folded tp, and im usually good to go. occasionally i don't really even need to wipe (always do though).
i shit alot, maybe 3 or 4 times a day
fast metabolism
i have this really awesome story about shitting in a shower/bath.
I'll tell it later. remind me.
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every experiment needs an independent variable..
so what do you do when youve got a stiff one and have to shit? would you attempt to bend your member down to piss while you shit?..... thoughts?
sorry sir, this is impossible
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every experiment needs an independent variable..
so what do you do when youve got a stiff one and have to shit? would you attempt to bend your member down to piss while you shit?..... thoughts?
sorry sir, this is impossible
Not impossible, just very hard.
BAHAHAHAHAHA!
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this is so mindblowing, I've never realised there were so many ways to wipe! I've thought like "does everybody wipe like this?" but what the fuck? through the legs? standing up? :o
I lean forward so that my right shoulder area is leaning on my right thigh, then I wipe with my right hand kinda like from behind... I've thought about how stupid it probably looks, but it seems so logical to me....
by the way, I also remove all my clothing except for socks, but sometimes even them. I like having my legs free and I wear pretty big shirts, so it feels better. just when I'm at home though, I wouldn't if I had to go somewhere else.
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being away from your toilet, your shrine, your holy shrink tank is a tough and tricky one my friends. but we must all live by this simple statement: What matters most is how well you walk through the fire. TRUTH. . excitement, embarrassment, guilt, frustration, anger, agony, pain, fear, happiness, and hope are all products of Shitting. But it is how you handle this fire, that defines your personality, your character, your meaning and yourself as a entity. shit will indeed hit the fans, mates. being out of your element never begins positive of course. but i'm going to tell you a story about when i myself, was out of my element and my strict routine and years of practice helped me fight off a sudden negative strike i felt hit my ass. i was on a trip to mississippi, ironically the shit hole of america with my friend and his mother to do some work on a home that had yet to be finished. we get to the house and we begin to do our normal interior decorating work. putting up wall paper, hanging blinds, etc. but suddenly i got an urge to shit. i fled upstairs to a bathroom we had already finished. i sat down and i let it out, it was beautiful, i was naked from belly button to toe and it was going so well i began to do jumping jacks while shitting. impressive, i know. but then came time for me to wipe. oh no, wipe? kilgore from slap you forgot that this is a new house, and no one lives here yet, so why would there be toilet paper for you to wipe your butt with? i dont know fellas. but one thing that years of concentration and a strict routine on the shitter has helped me with is being able to manifest genius but some times frowned upon ideas while i'm behind closed doors with my shit tank. and here we have it. there was a box, and inside this great box was bubble wrap. BINGO. bubble wrap was the answer. i took this bubble wrap to my ass like robert downey jr takes to kicking ass and pounding vegan pussy. it was amazing POP POP POP went the bubble wrap every time i cleaned the doo off of my anus. i was laughing out loud but inside i was proud of my past practices, proud to be a leading force in exposing the true beauty and intellectual prizes having a strict and relaxed and enjoyable shit exercising brings you. now men, go to your toilets tonight, thinking of me. think of the ways and practices i promote and the beauty and intellectual properties of shitting actually brings you. you'll all be better men, i promise. i know this entrapment we call earth is an ugly place, and we're only here to fart around, don't let anyone tell you different but certain things, like shitting, can help you grow and prosper. i salute you all and this is kilgore on behalf of your toilet, your bathroom, and your anus. goodbye and good luck.
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i've bent my member down, but only with a chub chub. never rock hard. that's just too risky. pissing with a boner is an interesting situation, i can't say i like it, i can't say i don't.
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i used to wake up with a stiffy in the morning
you either stand up and lean over the toilet or sit down and lean forward, to where your nipples are in the same area as your knees
the more you piss, the more your weiner settles down, til you can finally sit up again
on this note. how did everybody hide their chubs in middle school PE shorts? i remember some chick did a cartwheel and her tits came out. it was the first time i saw real tits and i had no other choice but to sit indian style the rest of the period.
i also used to sag my shorts over my weiner and tie em up real tight to try and tame it. this strategy closely related to the ever popular "belt maneuver"
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There is this movie I've seen called Monsturd. Its about an ex-con who gets his killer mentality transferred into a waste treatment plant and starts killing people out of their toilet. He ends up being killed eaten and killed by a large swarm of flies. Please by no means should anybody watch this sober. You must be truly hammered to get past the shitty acting and horrible if not entertaining poo effects.
(http://www.4321films.com/monsturd/scream.jpg) (http://www.4321films.com/monsturd/mons_vomit.jpg)
http://www.4321films.com/monsturd/index.html (http://www.4321films.com/monsturd/index.html)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jon8a3j2elU
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how do you explain to your parents that you made a movie about monster poop killing people? that thing looked like a monster from mighty morphin power rangers, you know the ones that talked alot of shit without their mouths moving. example:
eye guy (who kicked fucking ass)
(http://www.grnrngr.com/toys/pictures/02326.jpg)
mighty minotaur (semi- ass- kicker)
(http://www.rangercentral.com/images/mmpr-m1-mightyminotaur.jpg)
mutitus (i swear this dude coulda kicked even ivan ooze's ass)
(http://www.rangercentral.com/episodes/ep027/eppic13.jpg)
anyways. i saw your shit, mike fork, and would like to let you know its on.
i am formally calling your flaky poop rookie shit. (though i still love you) id like to show you the art of the log.
anybody else who wants in. lets go.
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I always just wipe til theres blood
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Awkward. Just got caught with my computer screen still on slap by a student today. Even more awkward, this was the thread that was opened.
"What the hell you do on this computer all day Mr. F?"
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so i just took a shit.
i was completely naked, and it was pretty awesome i must say. when i was done i stood up to wipe, but not completely, like halfway between bent over and straight so that my but cheeks would stay separated from one another. and i gotta tell you guys there was much more access. i mean you could really get up in there. but it felt kind of weird. it was a weird situation to be in. like if i walked in on myself in this position it would be very awkward.
however much to my surprise, there was a lot less shit on the paper than i was expecting, i thought the whole paper would be covered in shit, but that wasn't the case at all. i still don't know if it's really necessary though. i mean i wiped in exactly the same manner as i always did except i just looked at the paper this time. i feel like i don't need to do this. i think i am so experienced that i just know when i'm done wiping and don't really need to look at the paper anymore.
however i have a question. do you guys sit back down after each wipe to roll the tp again or do you keep standing in the ski man position? my legs started to hurt as i was standing there bent over the toilet bowl like an idiot.
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I used to do it hunched over because I was scared of dipping my hand in the water, but I've learned to do it sitting now. I fold two or three sheets up, because, by design, they do the same amount of cleaning as a big wad.
I'm really anal about keeping my asshole clean, so the folding method reduces the chances of clogging. Big wads + my enormous turds = no flushee
Having a boner and feeling the need to shit really bad is awful. I try to do things to get rid of my boner, but they rarely work. I have to squeeze it for it to just fit in the toilet bowl, and even then, it's mere millimetres from the toilet bowl/ water - well, from what I can tell. It's really dark down there. Touching the toilet bowl with my dick would mean instant death.
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i used to wake up with a stiffy in the morning
you either stand up and lean over the toilet or sit down and lean forward, to where your nipples are in the same area as your knees
the more you piss, the more your weiner settles down, til you can finally sit up again
on this note. how did everybody hide their chubs in middle school PE shorts? i remember some chick did a cartwheel and her tits came out. it was the first time i saw real tits and i had no other choice but to sit indian style the rest of the period.
i also used to sag my shorts over my weiner and tie em up real tight to try and tame it. this strategy closely related to the ever popular "belt maneuver"
I belive thats called the belt tuck, my friend in high school made a custom shirt that said "what do you know about the belt tuck?" which was god damn hilarious, i used to get it in class real bad cause i would always try and get some nice clevage looks, even my girlfriend of 2 years i didnt know in my class but i used to peeps her when she streched and she would arch her back similar to how i hit her doggystyle now, wow that was hard, especially in class, i would incorporate the belt tuck frequently
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is this where you stick your boner vertically underneath the waist of your pants so that it is sticking out of your pants but still under your shirt? or am i talking about something else? what's that called? that saved me many a humiliating moment in high school.
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is this where you stick your boner vertically underneath the waist of your pants so that it is sticking out of your pants but still under your shirt? or am i talking about something else? what's that called? that saved me many a humiliating moment in high school.
that is exactly what i was describing
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yeah that shit is dope.
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i just wipe till nothing is there
at my friends house they use baby wipes which makes a lot of sense
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I don't feel like reading through this whole thread but don't you have to look to know you've wiped all the shit off?
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I wipe till there is blood.
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yesterday I was discussing how to get your boner to leave
Politics no, grandparents no, cold water where am i gunna get that shit at, the pledge of aligence
Said that shit so much to day, it works, i also and a pretty skilled tucker. I get scared though because I always stretch and arch my back so i think my dick head will make an appearence in class.
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every experiment needs an independent variable..
so what do you do when youve got a stiff one and have to shit? would you attempt to bend your member down to piss while you shit?..... thoughts?
Lean forwards and get the stream in the toilet. No matter how you are leaning if your ass is above the toilet gravity will put your shit in the hole.
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I don't feel like reading through this whole thread but don't you have to look to know you've wiped all the shit off?
You're doing yourself a disservice.
One trick a friend taught me that I had never thought of before was putting a couple squares of TP in the toilet water before you shit. No more splashbacks, ever.
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(http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51lv7gUnp7L._SL500_AA280_PIbundle-4,TopRight,0,0_AA280_SH20_.jpg)
you guys ever try this stuff? it's amazing. but it throw off your non-aloe paper wipping when you shit away from home because you get so used to the smooth wipes.
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What about wet wipes? They work pretty well, but I always need one dry wipe at the end or I get itchy.
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bidet.
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One trick a friend taught me that I had never thought of before was putting a couple squares of TP in the toilet water before you shit. No more splashbacks, ever.
holy shit thats brilliant.
have you ever gotten those hot runny shits? the one that make your anus contract long after you took your shit because it burns so fucking bad?
i throw a little water on the tp before wiping if it gets brutal like that. its the only way.
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Expand Quote
I don't feel like reading through this whole thread but don't you have to look to know you've wiped all the shit off?
You're doing yourself a disservice.
One trick a friend taught me that I had never thought of before was putting a couple squares of TP in the toilet water before you shit. No more splashbacks, ever.
Hahahaha I actually do that everytime I shit. When I have to use a public restroom I put a ton of toilet paper in just to be sure.
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a long time ago I was shitting in a public bathroom, and realized there was no toilet paper, so I improvided with my sock, but it was a messy shit, and one sock wasn't good enough, so i lost both of my socks that day
anybody ever had this happen to them>?
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"Nothing is worse than to finish a good shit, then reach over and find the toilet paper container empty. Even the most horrible human being on earth deserves to wipe his ass"- Charles Bukowski
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a long time ago I was shitting in a public bathroom, and realized there was no toilet paper, so I improvided with my sock, but it was a messy shit, and one sock wasn't good enough, so i lost both of my socks that day
anybody ever had this happen to them>?
what did you do with the socks afterwards? did you flush them?
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I have a sister, and one day I go into the bathroom and find an entire roll of perfectly good toilet paper in the fucking sink, SOAKED and RUINED!
I get pissed but did not bring it to her attention. She did it with another roll.
I put them both on her pillow.
And has anyone ever successfully pissed with a boner? I have yet to do that. even if i have a half boner my piss will start shooting every which way in different streams, on the floor, the rim of the toilet, my pants, fuck.
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Expand Quote
a long time ago I was shitting in a public bathroom, and realized there was no toilet paper, so I improvided with my sock, but it was a messy shit, and one sock wasn't good enough, so i lost both of my socks that day
anybody ever had this happen to them>?
what did you do with the socks afterwards? did you flush them?
I was young, I was upset, it was winter and I was at an hockey arena, so I just threw them on the floors beside the toilet. and went on with my day.
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Pissing with a boner isn't a problem for me, eventually touching the inner rim of the toilet is though. If it happens you can go straight into the shower, there's no getting around that.
On another note, we already have a lot of topics covered in here, but what about little games that you can play while taking a dump?
When I was a kid I used to play this game I called "destroy the alien base". Note that you need to take your shit before peeing in order to successfully play it. You also need a "silver tablet" styled toilet, without the water hole.
Nico, you might want to stop reading here.
Okay, so you take the shit and hold your pee in. The deuce is the alien base, place it like you want it, just keep in mind that it's the fucking enemy. So now your pee is a promising last fleet of human space pilots on a suicide mission to save humanity. Your goal is to either destroy the ammunition chamber of the base (random part of deuce) or the Control center of the alien base (random part of deuce). You might also resort to just causing as many alien casualties by really messing up their base, but that shit's dangerous. If you manage to cut off and flush away strategically important parts of the base, you win, if not, you can be held responsible for ruining humanitys last chance to escape slavery. It's important to not go easy on the aliens when you start your attack, the kamikaze pilots make the difference, trust me.
I haven't played this in a while although it never gets old, but I'm interested in other games as well.
PS: let's never meet in person please.
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i like to get abstract and stare at my poop before the flush, trying to decifer a celebrity face or special message.
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bag of mescaline, lights off in the bathroom, can of tomato juice, nude, a cat, a blow up doll that feels like patti smith, no quarter by led zepplin playing. you decide the rules.
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Okay, so you take the shit and hold your pee in. The deuce is the alien base, place it like you want it, just keep in mind that it's the fucking enemy. So now your pee is a promising last fleet of human space pilots on a suicide mission to save humanity. Your goal is to either destroy the ammunition chamber of the base (random part of deuce) or the Control center of the alien base (random part of deuce). You might also resort to just causing as many alien casualties by really messing up their base, but that shit's dangerous. If you manage to cut off and flush away strategically important parts of the base, you win, if not, you can be held responsible for ruining humanitys last chance to escape slavery. It's important to not go easy on the aliens when you start your attack, the kamikaze pilots make the difference, trust me.
Wow...I just don't know what to say about that.
This thread is amazing in so many ways.
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i used to play that except with cigarette butts instead of poo.
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i hate poo
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yes i look at the paper to know how much more wipping i need to do. how else would you know?
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yes i look at the paper to know how much more wipping i need to do. how else would you know?
you can just tell man..... you can just tell.
it's like when your butt no longer feels squishy, you just stop wiping.
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dats gross man. i need to ensure my cleaniness
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it's kind of gross looking at a shitty piece of toilet paper too.
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try wiping your ass with a coloring book. see if you get inside the lines.
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stop posting
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stop posting
bye baby
(http://i27.tinypic.com/2j1mxko.jpg)
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thanks sony mdr for seperating the questions to answer better..
how many of you look at the paper after wiping?
fuck yeah! you gotta know what's comin out of there.
also, do you guys fold the paper when you wipe?
i do fold, but i only use that piece once, then it goes in the toilet..i go through rolls of toilet paper a month, but i want my ass to feel a new piece on every wipe.
also i read that some of you wipe standing up.
i can't imagine standing up to wipe..i just lean over and keep em' spread..
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I play that game with shit, cigarette butts, pretty much anything that can be pissed on. I don't have a name for it though aside from "fuck it, I'll piss on that"
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I hope vicky doesn't post in here.
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I've been taking pictures of my shit now. A poo journal if you will. In a few days I will compare and contrast and show you guys my favorite one.
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can't wait.
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Pissing with a boner isn't a problem for me, eventually touching the inner rim of the toilet is though. If it happens you can go straight into the shower, there's no getting around that.
On another note, we already have a lot of topics covered in here, but what about little games that you can play while taking a dump?
When I was a kid I used to play this game I called "destroy the alien base". Note that you need to take your shit before peeing in order to successfully play it. You also need a "silver tablet" styled toilet, without the water hole.
Nico, you might want to stop reading here.
Okay, so you take the shit and hold your pee in. The deuce is the alien base, place it like you want it, just keep in mind that it's the fucking enemy. So now your pee is a promising last fleet of human space pilots on a suicide mission to save humanity. Your goal is to either destroy the ammunition chamber of the base (random part of deuce) or the Control center of the alien base (random part of deuce). You might also resort to just causing as many alien casualties by really messing up their base, but that shit's dangerous. If you manage to cut off and flush away strategically important parts of the base, you win, if not, you can be held responsible for ruining humanitys last chance to escape slavery. It's important to not go easy on the aliens when you start your attack, the kamikaze pilots make the difference, trust me.
I haven't played this in a while although it never gets old, but I'm interested in other games as well.
PS: let's never meet in person please.
You are by far my favorite poster.
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I've been taking pictures of my shit now. A poo journal if you will. In a few days I will compare and contrast and show you guys my favorite one.
post it here, and see how you stack up against the pros:
http://ratemypoo.com/
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You are by far my favorite poster.
awesome. My shitting related posts have made me real popular I reckon.
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When blogs first came out, the first time I saw one was my friend's "log blog," in which he described his pooping experiences that he had every day.
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Expand Quote
is this where you stick your boner vertically underneath the waist of your pants so that it is sticking out of your pants but still under your shirt? or am i talking about something else? what's that called? that saved me many a humiliating moment in high school.
that is exactly what i was describing
i call it "the lift and tuck"
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this thread is wierd.
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This thread is so good in so many ways that I really don't know what to say.
My routine would be something like this. Pull your pants down, sit on the toilet and let the shit fly like no tomorrow. Once I'm done I'll take about three or four pieces, fold it and get it a little wet. Wet wipes are a must in the beginning. After about five wet wipes I'll move to dryer grounds and discontinue the wetting of the papers. Also at this point I'll start checking out how's the project progressing. When I see no more shit stains on the paper I'll get up and take a good look on what I have just brought to this world. After a few moments of analyzing the project from the beginning to the bitter end I'll flush and continue to the adventures of the day.
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Im good after 3-4 wipes almost always. Sounds like you make a mess.
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I just got a new toilet, and my piss stream is way to powerful. It seems like my urine is bouncing off the toilet and water and then landing on the rim and possibly outside. I may have to fill the bowl with a wad of papers first, because the idea of piss possibly being on the floor is too much for me. I need to conduct some experiments.
How long do you guys like to spend on the toilet when laying cable? I know some people that can be done in a minute, but I like to play it slow to avoid annihilating my asshole. It's generally between 5 and 10 minutes, but I'm willing to go into overtime if necessary.
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When I sit on the seat I sort of rock side-to-side and work it so that the seat is holding my ass cheeks open to the max. The thought of dump sliding down the insides of my cheeks makes me shiver.
I stay seated when I wipe. I'm a folder. It's awesome because you can lay the TP flat against your hand and hold it down securely with your thumb. It also allows you to really dig into your ass with the ends of your fingers as you make the sweeping motion. I lean forward at about a 45 degree angle and wipe front to back, always checking progress. Once the TP comes up completely white, I wipe again, but this time back to front. I spread my legs, lift the balls and get to it. Usually I'll find the back-to-front will get some stuff that the front-to-back missed.
I make quick work of my dumps. A long time ago I used to be able to chill on the seat and read. Can't do it anymore. Fast but pleasurable business -- so long as the dump isn't a gnarly one.
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I sharted in a restaurant once. It was about a couric and a half of the brown stuff, with the consistency of ketchup. I took off my tighty whiteys and threw them out then cleaned up. I was so ashamed I didn't talk the rest of the night. I was scared everyone knew. My mom suggested we go for a walk after, but I made sure we got home as fast as possible so I could shower.
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I sharted in a restaurant once. It was about a couric and a half of the brown stuff, with the consistency of ketchup. I took off my tighty whiteys and threw them out then cleaned up. I was so ashamed I didn't talk the rest of the night. I was scared everyone knew. My mom suggested we go for a walk after, but I made sure we got home as fast as possible so I could shower.
One time i sharted at work and i had to just sit through it. I just pissed and the bathroom is by my boss so going there wasnt an option. I had to sit in shart for the remaining ten minutes then had to drive home, it was the worst.
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im into wiping with gift wrap now, cause i figure anything i do is kinda a present to all humanity.
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oh jesus, i was really into wiping my ass at this point in my life..
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This is the first time I've read this thread and I'm glad it's been brought back.
For me I like to stand up and wipe, but there is a problem with that. In my bathroom the mirror is behind the toilet so when I go to throw the TP in the toilet and I always look at my hairy asshole. No matter how hard I try not to look it always happens and I get so angry.
With the boner in school (http://img13.imageshack.us/img13/7845/mike0644.jpg)'s the girls in my highschool always wore the the really short volleyball shorts and a few wore thongs and being younger and in highschool that was really hot. We always played dodgeball and jiggling boobs and short shorts definitely got me a little excited. I just used to tuck it in the waist band and tie them pretty tight so it wouldn't escape, but one time I got hit right in the dick with a hard on and that shit hurts so bad.
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I'm a stand wiper.I like those ghost shits you have.Like you take a shit and you wipe and then there is nothing on the TP.
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The other day I was at my homies house and he was out of toilet paper and I ended up using some napkins from Jack In The Box and then got a gnarly case of chafe. I was walkin' around all bull-legged like I just got done doin' a rodeo. Not very comfortable.
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The other day I was at my homies house and he was out of toilet paper and I ended up using some napkins from Jack In The Box and then got a gnarly case of chafe. I was walkin' around all bull-legged like I just got done doin' a rodeo. Not very comfortable.
haha i just thought of this 92' but imagine them being the napkins they throw in the bag with ur food, & theres salt & grease on them.. THEN whipe your butt, thus chafing it with the top off of salt&grease.
..not a good time
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^^^Oh man. The thought of that makes me cringe. I can't imagine having some Jack In The Box "secret sauce" and onion ring grease mixed with salt anywhere near my precious brownstar. If that was the case I would probably be able to break records in the 100 yard dash by running around wildly. Having to wipe with something that had the consistency of cardboard was bad enough. Hahaha.
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hahaha right when i thought about it my asshole tingled with fear..
so i know where your coming from.
that would be a shitty situation
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damn cant believe there are so many standers. i used to stand up when i was little but then i noticed like everyone in the world was sitting down whilst wiping, namely my dad. its not like i watched them wipe but i just noticed how i never saw anyone else in stalls with their feet facing the other way. nowadays if i want to stand up and wipe (for some reason i do sometimes) it feels like i can hardly even get in there.
also, it depends on the shit. i have taken shits where i didnt evne have to wipe, its fucked. ill put the toilet paper in and it just comes out solid clean. i am bad for holding my shits back though. i dont even take a shit every single day, and when it is one of those real dry shits that are humongous, they always feel the best and always wipe the best. not a razor sharp one thouogh somewhere in between there.
i hate diarhea shits you gotta wipe like 80 times. i also just use 1 square at a time, (unless its diarhea shits). i know, crzy right? but i have my ass wiping dialed. i just dab softly, but not to be gay to finger my butt hole. but you gotta do it till shit is all gone or else your ass is all itchy. i hate that. i let that slide once when i was in japan i itched my ass so much it bled.
i never get pooh on my fingers. im pretty precise. also i dont take off all clothes but i ALWAYS fold my shirt up and tuck it under my chin. sometimes i get shit on the toilet seat and then sit back on it though i dont even know how that fucking happens. also sometimes when its a real bad smelling shit or im at a girls house or something i just flush it as soon as all shit has dropped out of my ass in hopes that the smell will mostly go away and then flush a 2nd time for toilet paper. it also reduces chances of the toilet clogging, you dont want to be fucking around with a toilet clogged at some girl's house if its the first time you are hangin out or whatever. can leave a mad shitty first impression.
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courtesy flush: once for the bulk, once for the remainder.
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i only stand up to wipe when i get swamp ass. thats when your ass is all sweaty/slimey and feels like you got left over shit between your butt cheeks. you're unsure if you wiped well enough before so you have to find your way to the nearest bathroom and give yourself a safety wipe to make sure you're not walking around stinking up the joint.
not to mention, nothing will turn a girl off more then the scent of fecal matter and a brown racing strip down the ass crack of you boxers. i remember this girl didn't wipe too well and saw a brown streak in her panties, it left my millimeter peter limp and had me running for the door.
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I've torn my asshole so many times wiping, which leads me to wonder
Is it possible to get some form of hepatitis from one's self? if so, how common is it? I swear i see at least one tiny droplet of blood a month while wiping
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one tiny droplet is probably ok; you should try and be a bit softer on the shit
if you are constantly getting shit infected sores then im sure you can get real sick from it.
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folded not crumpled
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0RDjow4uTso
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I swear i see at least one tiny droplet of blood a month while wiping
one tiny droplet is probably ok
i hope so. i'm usually a stander/looker but when sitting i'm a leaner/shirt biter with reach-around tendencies.
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6 pages about wiping your butt? i knew i liked this place for a reason
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shit sucks..pooping takes up too much time, im over it
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spreadin the mulch sucks and so does cleaning it off
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one tiny droplet is probably ok; you should try and be a bit softer on the shit
if you are constantly getting shit infected sores then im sure you can get real sick from it.
Well, I don't literally rip my ass shitting or even wiping, it's when I get the spread going that I feel a sharp, tearing pain.
I've never looked at what actually tore in the mirror, but after examining the t.p. post-wipe, it would appear that the tear is at least 1/2 inch from the dirt-button itself, but that's still a bit too close for comfort.
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Expand Quote
one tiny droplet is probably ok; you should try and be a bit softer on the shit
if you are constantly getting shit infected sores then im sure you can get real sick from it.
Well, I don't literally rip my ass shitting or even wiping, it's when I get the spread going that I feel a sharp, tearing pain.
I've never looked at what actually tore in the mirror, but after examining the t.p. post-wipe, it would appear that the tear is at least 1/2 inch from the dirt-button itself, but that's still a bit too close for comfort.
Natural taint reduction?
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i might have posted this a while back in the thread.
I was a young lad, 8-9, watching my cousin's hockey game with my grandmother at a local rink, I took a mid game shit in the public washroom, only to find there was no Tp, I checke dthe other stall, no TP, so I did the next best thing, took both my socks off and used my socks to wipe my ass,, and used the cotton gloves I had on to make sure I ddint miss anything, and made up an awkward childs lie of what happned to my socks and gloves.
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i might have posted this a while back in the thread.
I was a young lad, 8-9, watching my cousin's hockey game with my grandmother at a local rink, I took a mid game shit in the public washroom, only to find there was no Tp, I checke dthe other stall, no TP, so I did the next best thing, took both my socks off and used my socks to wipe my ass,, and used the cotton gloves I had on to make sure I ddint miss anything, and made up an awkward childs lie of what happned to my socks and gloves.
I end up shitting in public 3-5 times a month, and I almost always use my socks, or at least one of them. That must've been a mondo messy shit if you needed 2 socks and 2 gloves.
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i might have posted this a while back in the thread.
I was a young lad, 8-9, watching my cousin's hockey game with my grandmother at a local rink, I took a mid game shit in the public washroom, only to find there was no Tp, I checke dthe other stall, no TP, so I did the next best thing, took both my socks off and used my socks to wipe my ass,, and used the cotton gloves I had on to make sure I ddint miss anything, and made up an awkward childs lie of what happned to my socks and gloves.
I end up shitting in public 3-5 times a month, and I almost always use my socks, or at least one of them. That must've been a mondo messy shit if you needed 2 socks and 2 gloves.
when you are young you dont know about efficiency.
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I take about 4-5 squares depending on how thick or watery the shit is. Then I'll fold that same piece until there's no more room to hold it without touching shit. Front to back. Check it every time I wipe, that's fucking vital.
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5-7 squares, wipe, fold, wipe, check, drop.
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I hate when you take a small/normal sized shit and it takes forever to get your ass clean. Happened today and it sucked.
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You know, it probably means there's another small shit waiting to get out, it just needs a bit more time.
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I'm waiting for that shit right now..
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All you 'courtesy flushers', do you remain seated during the courtesy flush? If so, have you thought about the mini tornado of poo and piss particles spiraling upwards towards your buttcheeks, balls and dick?
Stand up, close the lid, flush, resume.
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once, skating in ft. pierce, i suddenly had to shit super bad. we were at this closed spot off a pretty major road. i didn't have any TP, so i grabbed a notepad from my car and went behind the spot and dropped trou behind a tall clump of weeds, so the people on the road couldn't see me. it started coming out pretty quick, so when i turned to look over my shoulder, it was already too late. there was an apartment complex behind me, and an old black lady walked out of her front door and stared right at me. she put her hands on her hips and shook her head. i didn't know what to do, so i waved. then she smiled, waved back, and got into her car and drove off.
for the wiping itself, i crinkled up the notebook paper like a hundred times so it was kind of soft, then used it. not so bad.
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crinkling the paper, fucking genius
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that is genius i never would have thought of that. ^
i find if i am wearing a nice shirt i will avoid shitting.
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I use baby wipes. The toilet paper maintenance provides for the dorms is no match against my hairy, Guatemalan asshole.
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I use baby wipes. The toilet paper maintenance provides for the dorms is no match against my hairy, Guatemalan asshole.
im considering baby wipes. trying to keep things extra clean.
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I use baby wipes. The toilet paper maintenance provides for the dorms is no match against my hairy, Guatemalan asshole.
im considering baby wipes. trying to keep things extra clean.
Definitely go for it. But don't banish your regular dry towels, you'll still need to dab any extra moisture. You'll develop the worst ass itch if there's too much.
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yeah i have heard that shit can burn fierce i dont know if id fuck with that
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I use baby wipes. The toilet paper maintenance provides for the dorms is no match against my hairy, Guatemalan asshole.
im considering baby wipes. trying to keep things extra clean.
Forget baby wipes, I wipe my ass with the baby
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yeah i have heard that shit can burn fierce i dont know if id fuck with that
Not true at all, there's no alcohol in the wipe. It's aloe and some other stuff, it feels moist and colder than a sheet of TP.
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I stood up to wipe untill i opened the stall door on an asian man and saw him sitting down and wiping, i've sat down since then. and as for looking, i use my judgement... most times i'll check how things are going though
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I stood up to wipe untill i opened the stall door on an asian man and saw him sitting down and wiping, i've sat down since then. and as for looking, i use my judgement... most times i'll check how things are going though
I can understand a lot of different shitting techniques, but standing up? That's asking for shit to get all over your hands.
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for the wiping itself, i crinkled up the notebook paper like a hundred times so it was kind of soft, then used it. not so bad.
you're good, you're damn good.
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I have a friend who doesn't use toilet paper too often. He says that he mostly just holds all his shits in until right before he is gonna take a shower. He takes the shit, then just hops right in the shower and clean himself off. He says that it saves him money that he could be wasting on toilet paper. I've thought about trying this method out once or twice, but it just seems too weird. I'd be too paranoid about accidentally getting fecal matter on the shower curtains, shower walls or the bar of soap.
As for me, when it comes to shit, I'm pretty OCD. My asshole has to be spotless. There've been many times where I've wiped my ass for more than I needed to. Even after it's clean, I still wipe another two or three times just to make sure it actually is clean and I didn't miss anything. I can't stand having any fecal matter on me or the thought of "well, damn, what if I didn't get it all the way clean?" Then I pretty much just walk around all day with a paranoid feeling that I'm gonna stink or I'm gonna get shit stains on my boxers/pants.
I also hate when my fingers accidentally poke through the toilet paper when I'm wiping. If that happens I already know that the rest of my day is gonna be bad.
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once, skating in ft. pierce, i suddenly had to shit super bad. we were at this closed spot off a pretty major road. i didn't have any TP, so i grabbed a notepad from my car and went behind the spot and dropped trou behind a tall clump of weeds, so the people on the road couldn't see me. it started coming out pretty quick, so when i turned to look over my shoulder, it was already too late. there was an apartment complex behind me, and an old black lady walked out of her front door and stared right at me. she put her hands on her hips and shook her head. i didn't know what to do, so i waved. then she smiled, waved back, and got into her car and drove off.
for the wiping itself, i crinkled up the notebook paper like a hundred times so it was kind of soft, then used it. not so bad.
hopefully more people will start postin in here again cus i just discovered this gem today.
so i was also in fort pierce at grand prix which is an old putt putt place with some cool spots.right before i left i had lunch and had taken a probiotic to help with digestion blah blah blah. so me and my brother met our friend and headed up the highway when i started getting poop sweats, like when you get waves of heat because somethings goin on down there.so i was hoping it would go away and it did and we pull up get out and go in the place and start pushing over to the spot.no less than a minute or two a frickin big truck starts drivin up and down the fence like looking inside.while hes scoutin out the poop sweats come back and now im squatting to hide from him. so im trying not to get seen and also not crap myself.finally he goes away and i tell my bro and friend im going to the cracker barrel across te street to dump and your comin with me(their younger).so i went in and dumped it next to im presuming a black guy blasting his rap in the stall next to me.not real comfortable.
also im amazed to learn how many people go naked,i used to when i was young but got tired of the whole thing and eventually just learned to deal with the clothes.
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I seriously don't get some of you guys...
It's all about staying seated, leaning slightly forward, checking every time, and then one reverse wipe starting up top to make sure you din't drag anything into upper-crack.
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every time I shit, i go take a shower, or if its nice out I go out back and rinse my asshole with the garden hose.
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I seriously don't get some of you guys...
It's all about staying seated, leaning slightly forward, checking every time, and then one reverse wipe starting up top to make sure you din't drag anything into upper-crack.
thats what i do but if you haev a baggy shirt you gotta use your chin to tuck that shit up there or else you might sit on yuor shirt and shit on it, well its never happened but i always worry about it.
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I prefer to alternate between back to front and front to back to ensure no excess buildup on one spot of leftover, unwiped shit residue.
I do the stand up technique as well and usually use a baby wipe then dry with regular toilet paper. It's the only way to go.
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Anyone have a cure for "Crayon Butt"? Imagine a Crayon in your butt, no matter how many times you wipe it's still won't wipe completely clean. I'm tempted to push the turtle head back in, but that seems kinda gay. I end up wiping it til it gets raw and just give up in frustration.
Anyone have any cool stories about those cool futuristic computerized toilets/bidets from Japan, they take shitting very serious there.
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Anyone have a cure for "Crayon Butt"? Imagine a Crayon in your butt, no matter how many times you wipe it's still won't wipe completely clean. I'm tempted to push the turtle head back in, but that seems kinda gay. I end up wiping it til it gets raw and just give up in frustration.
Anyone have any cool stories about those cool futuristic computerized toilets/bidets from Japan, they take shitting very serious there.
As they should! Defecating is a sacred thing.
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I had to rush my wipe today because my work phone started ringing, pretty sure I have feces smeared all over my butthole right now.
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i think it should be noted that there are different wiping techniques for different types of shits.
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i think it should be noted that there are different wiping techniques for different types of shits.
Fuck! I wish I knew that, I probably would have had less itchy asshole on a few occasions while try to skate.
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I seriously don't get some of you guys...
It's all about staying seated, leaning slightly forward, checking every time, and then one reverse wipe starting up top to make sure you din't drag anything into upper-crack.
I do the same.
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was really sick in guatemala earlier this year, shit 20 times in a couple days. trying to take a shower i had to get out twice to shit, so on the third one i just let it come out in the shower. all while thinking of this thread!!
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was really sick in guatemala earlier this year, shit 20 times in a couple days. trying to take a shower i had to get out twice to shit, so on the third one i just let it come out in the shower. all while thinking of this thread!!
Do you think it's a coincidence that you were in Guatemala and sick, at the same time? ;)
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do you think that was a question worth asking
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we should talk about ghost poops. Well I call them that, when you shit and nothing comes off on the toilet paper.
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we should talk about ghost poops. Well I call them that, when you shit and nothing comes off on the toilet paper.
i call those "low maintenance poops." i thought ghost poops were the ones that slide down the toilet tube, so when you look down theres nothing in the bowl.
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Nah thats a phantom. I've been waiting for both those situations to happen at once, just to see if I can fool myself into thinking I never shat
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this thread is hilarious and just fucked up my shit at work....sitting in a meeting and laughing out loud.....anyways i have this theory that women who have brown ugly vaginas started wiping back to front therefore getting dookie all up in their shaazaamm....any experiences with this???i freaked out the other day on this chick and left because of the site of such unfortunate events...
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you did the right thing, chris Brown.
nobody wants this.
(http://www.myconfinedspace.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/roast-beef-500x375.jpg)
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I usually just cram a hand full of toilet paper around y finger then jam it up my butt sit back down for 5 to 10 min then pull it out throw it in the trash (not in the toilet) pull my pants up and purposely dont wash my hand then high five my friends all day long!
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I usually just cram a hand full of toilet paper around y finger then jam it up my butt sit back down for 5 to 10 min then pull it out throw it in the trash (not in the toilet) pull my pants up and purposely dont wash my hand then high five my friends all day long!
(http://www.motifake.com/image/demotivational-poster/0905/say-mallrats-brodie-stinkpalm-pretzel-demotivational-poster-1243368113.jpg)
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any one else rip out hairs when they whipe some times? or is it just me? another thing comes to mind a question me and my friends have been trying to answer for a while. what is the easyest way to get ride of but hair? i have a jungle and i need help people ahah
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We all need to look! It's important not to leave TOO much on your butthole. Stay safe!
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(http://www.stockngo.com/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/w/e/wet-ones-moist-towlette-vitamin-e-and-aloe-40-count-1_2.jpg)
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I recently found out that there are people that stand up and wipe. That’s so wrong. If you stand up your cheeks close and then your ass ends up looking like a Rorschach test.
First wipe is a pincer attack. Thumb and index finger at the chode and mid-crack respective brought together at the butthole. Pull straight down, removing the cling-ons. Check for chunks. If it’s clear proceed with standard front to back wiping. It’s important to throw a down stroke in once or twice so that your not just smearing shit up your crack.
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I recently found out that there are people that stand up and wipe. That?s so wrong. If you stand up your cheeks close and then your ass ends up looking like a Rorschach test
That's why you spread your cheeks with your hand and bend over a little. I just don't like to feel like I'm digging around my ass while sitting down.
and it's not like you'd stand up and flex the muscles and walk around.
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I recently found out that there are people that stand up and wipe. That?s so wrong. If you stand up your cheeks close and then your ass ends up looking like a Rorschach test.
First wipe is a pincer attack. Thumb and index finger at the chode and mid-crack respective brought together at the butthole. Pull straight down, removing the cling-ons. Check for chunks. If it?s clear proceed with standard front to back wiping. It?s important to throw a down stroke in once or twice so that your not just smearing shit up your crack.
You have such a way with words
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I just don't like to feel like I'm digging around my ass while sitting down.
I can understand not wanting to move you hand over a pile of fresh shit but that’s why you lean to one side and do it at an angle.
If you stand your cheeks close whether you flex or not. The only way around that is to adopt a wide stance, which would require taking at least one leg out of your trousers, or to hand spread your cheeks. That’s a lot of work. On the pot your ass is already wide open and you’ve got both hands free.
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Bidet: pronounced, 'Bi-day'
How to operate a bidet (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooNaPJoZnOM#)
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The Japanese have done you one better with an ass sprayer built into the toilet seat. Adjustable temperature and water pressure, and heated seats. Some even have a blow dryer for your bum.
I've got to say it took a while to get used to having a stream of water shot at my ass, but my dog blossom is as clean as a whistle.
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The Japanese have done you one better with an ass sprayer built into the toilet seat. Adjustable temperature and water pressure, and heated seats. Some even have a blow dryer for your bum.
I've got to say it took a while to get used to having a stream of water shot at my ass, but my dog blossom is as clean as a whistle.
Your way with words, does not cease to impress
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any one else rip out hairs when they whipe some times? or is it just me? another thing comes to mind a question me and my friends have been trying to answer for a while. what is the easyest way to get ride of but hair? i have a jungle and i need help people ahah
Every time
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i fucking HATE when i dont wipe my ass enough and end up feeling a lil irritation my crack a while afterwards. seriously, it happens way too often
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I use to stand to wipe, but now I am a converted sitter
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I use to stand to wipe, but now I am a converted sitter
Good lad. Welcome to the flock.
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i fucking HATE when i dont wipe my ass enough and end up feeling a lil irritation my crack a while afterwards. seriously, it happens way too often
it happens. especially post drinking. my number one tip is to make a ball of TP and make give it a splash in the sink (if within reach). that baby takes care of even the toughest of remnants. proceed with a single regular wipe = done.
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i fucking HATE when i dont wipe my ass enough and end up feeling a lil irritation my crack a while afterwards. seriously, it happens way too often
it happens. especially post drinking. my number one tip is to make a ball of TP and make give it a splash in the sink (if within reach). that baby takes care of even the toughest of remnants. proceed with a single regular wipe = done.
just spit on it
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If I do a gnarly crap and I still don't feel quite clean enough after wiping, I sit on the edge of my tub with my ass hanging over and give a nice rinse with warm water then towel dry. Like mini shower just for my butt.
An itchy, greasy feeling asshole can ruin my fucking day.
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one of the dudes from school only wiped his ass with cotton batting.
he had to use it once cause there was no more toilet paper and now he swears by it.
he said he wouldn't let anything rougher to his ass. his girfriend had to carry a bag of cotton batting in her handbag all the time.
i'd totally try it, but i'm afraid of getting addicted and i don't want to have to persuade my girl to carry that stuff around.
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Went on a hike yesterday. As soon as I started I felt a little rumble in my stomach, didn't think anything of it, and figured it'd just go away. I was wrong. The rumble, and subsequent turtle headding only got worse. At about mile 4 on my hike it was game time. I was either going to shit my pants or shit in the woods. Now this hike had a lot of switchbacks, and not a whole lot of areas for a nice secluded dump. Luckily for me, off the end of one of the switch backs was an old landslide/boulder field. So I cut through the bushes off the end of the trail, across the rocks until I got down to a few big boulders I could duck behind. And just in time too. As soon as I got my shorts down, I splattered what was left of the prior night's tater tots all over the rocks below me. It smelled something awful. Now normally in this situation, you could just sacrifice a sock, but since I had quite a walk ahead of me still, that wasn't an option. So standing there with my shorts still down around my knees, dick swingin in the breeze, I grab my pocket knife, pull my shirt off, and cut the sleeves off. Those sleeves really saved my ass. I cleaned myself up, scurried back across the rock field to the trail, and immediately bumped into a couple I had seen about an hour earlier. I wonder if they wondered where my sleeves went?
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Went on a hike yesterday. As soon as I started I felt a little rumble in my stomach, didn't think anything of it, and figured it'd just go away. I was wrong. The rumble, and subsequent turtle headding only got worse. At about mile 4 on my hike it was game time. I was either going to shit my pants or shit in the woods. Now this hike had a lot of switchbacks, and not a whole lot of areas for a nice secluded dump. Luckily for me, off the end of one of the switch backs was an old landslide/boulder field. So I cut through the bushes off the end of the trail, across the rocks until I got down to a few big boulders I could duck behind. And just in time too. As soon as I got my shorts down, I splattered what was left of the prior night's tater tots all over the rocks below me. It smelled something awful. Now normally in this situation, you could just sacrifice a sock, but since I had quite a walk ahead of me still, that wasn't an option. So standing there with my shorts still down around my knees, dick swingin in the breeze, I grab my pocket knife, pull my shirt off, and cut the sleeves off. Those sleeves really saved my ass. I cleaned myself up, scurried back across the rock field to the trail, and immediately bumped into a couple I had seen about an hour earlier. I wonder if they wondered where my sleeves went?
...damn. Respect.
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(http://lorettaecogirl.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/geb_8000_3.jpg)
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Not to stray too far from the subject, cause this thread is classic. But i'd like to talk about clogging toilets for a moment. Amongst my friends, my name is synonymous for wrecking toilets. My first account was at my friends house at around the age of fifteen, I was waiting on my ride back home before dropping trow because I knew it was about to be a terror. After a brief conversation with my pops on the phone and finding out I had to wait longer, I had no other choice but to destroy my friends guest bathroom. Now my hesitation came from knowing that this toilet/bathroom is very rustic, and I didnt trust it in the first place. So after I dueced it and wiped my ass for a solid twenty minutes, I flushed the toilet in pure hesitance. As I assumed the toilet clogged right off the bat, so Im already sketched and the adrenaline is flowing. I stood there staring at the bowl of steaming pho' in contemplation, trying to decide whether or not to huck another flush. With time running out I made the awful decision to flush the pot again, as the water was at about half full. I immediately knew I fucked up, and as the water starting over-flowing I was pacing back and forth mumbling to myself "oh shit, oh shit" no pun intended. I quickly re arranged the furniture in the bathroom like it was gonna make a fuckin difference, threw the floormat over the shower curtain, and stood in fear as I witnessed the behemoth turd hit the polished floor. I gasped, and in the heat of the moment I picked up the turd bare handed and threw it in the trashcan. I then buried it with excess toilet paper as if it was gonna mask the scent, then I fuckin dipped.
This whole time this sitcom was happening my friend was at work, and I had to break the news to him over the phone. Needless to say, he was quite shitty. But in due time he forgave me and it will forever be a good laugh
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dang I'm glad to hear that. And as far as the ass wiping goes I'm a "sit on the pot" kind of guy, although depending on the circumstance I stand wipe when its more efficient. Basically if I'm in a cubicle type of environment I like to utilize the space to my advantage, whatever gets the job done. I'm also very cautious when it comes to public shitters, I like adding a layer of toilet paper onto the ass seat for more comfort. One of those things that should be ok, but isnt.
Hell, only God can judge me.
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yeah, It would be very hard to clean a dirty toilet stall with dignity. If it were my duty, I would for sure half ass it, maybe even third ass it.
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For the standers, do you stand straight up, or is it more of a "peek-a-boo" between the legs stance? I imagine your double-processed animal style bacon burger would spread like secret sauce if you allowed your cheeks to slap together for even a moment, and it scares me.
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Quite frankly Ragu, I don't even know how to respond to what you just said. My best answer would be standing straight up, but I'm having trouble understanding the other position you described. It sounds like your describing a bad experience at In n out burger.
Papa smurf can I wipe your ass? yeah wipe my ass bitch
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Okay im a stander and imma set this straight for you guys.
When im done i lean forward like im bowing before the queen, making sure to keep my cheeks seperated. Then i reach arround the back of myself (not through the legs) and wipe from behind. Ive always done it this way, only found out last year that there are other methods.
And as far as small cubicles, i actually prefer them as i wipe with my right hand and put my left hand on the wall/door for added balance.
(http://i264.photobucket.com/albums/ii199/Showdown20/bentback.jpg)
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so what if in the midst of you bending over backwards for a toilet, you leak out some mudd-butt onto your nice jeans? how would that affect your day? you would have to find a whole new dump style my friend.
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some dudes wipe sitting down. I couldn't believe it
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Okay im a stander and imma set this straight for you guys.
When im done i lean forward like im bowing before the queen, making sure to keep my cheeks seperated. Then i reach arround the back of myself (not through the legs) and wipe from behind. Ive always done it this way, only found out last year that there are other methods.
And as far as small cubicles, i actually prefer them as i wipe with my right hand and put my left hand on the wall/door for added balance.
(http://i264.photobucket.com/albums/ii199/Showdown20/bentback.jpg)
This has been my wiping method since my mom stopped doing it for me
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so what if in the midst of you bending over backwards for a toilet, you leak out some mudd-butt onto your nice jeans? how would that affect your day? you would have to find a whole new dump style my friend.
firstly i have superb control over my sphincter, and when i wipe im still standing over the bowl so if that scenario were to present itself, the excess feces would fall straight into the loo
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so what if in the midst of you bending over backwards for a toilet, you leak out some mudd-butt onto your nice jeans? how would that affect your day? you would have to find a whole new dump style my friend.
this isnt really feaslable, unless you got some serious uncontrollable old yeller fuckin mount st helens guiser liquid squirtle shits or something
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Day 2 of the strangest hangover I've had. Took a painful shit this morning at work, had to wipe at least 10-15 times. Four seperate times I got shit on my hand.what the fuck? It was like I poo'd out the side of my ass. The middle of the paper was clean and the right side runneth over with messy shit. why
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im about to take a shit. going to see what this whole "wiping while sitting down" thing is about. to me, it just seems wierd.
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my work has some seriously shitty toilet paper, pun intended. on the real though its like orphanage grade recycled readers digests made into some sandpaper/cheesegrater paper and my asshole is super chapped, hurts to walk anywhere
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People stand up to wipe?? ? ?? ??
(http://images.wikia.com/headhuntershorrorhouse/images/3/3d/Exploding_head.gif)
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People stand up to wipe?? ? ?? ??
(http://images.wikia.com/headhuntershorrorhouse/images/3/3d/Exploding_head.gif)
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today i took a poop in the shape of a smiley face
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Went on a hike yesterday. As soon as I started I felt a little rumble in my stomach, didn't think anything of it, and figured it'd just go away. I was wrong. The rumble, and subsequent turtle headding only got worse. At about mile 4 on my hike it was game time. I was either going to shit my pants or shit in the woods. Now this hike had a lot of switchbacks, and not a whole lot of areas for a nice secluded dump. Luckily for me, off the end of one of the switch backs was an old landslide/boulder field. So I cut through the bushes off the end of the trail, across the rocks until I got down to a few big boulders I could duck behind. And just in time too. As soon as I got my shorts down, I splattered what was left of the prior night's tater tots all over the rocks below me. It smelled something awful. Now normally in this situation, you could just sacrifice a sock, but since I had quite a walk ahead of me still, that wasn't an option. So standing there with my shorts still down around my knees, dick swingin in the breeze, I grab my pocket knife, pull my shirt off, and cut the sleeves off. Those sleeves really saved my ass. I cleaned myself up, scurried back across the rock field to the trail, and immediately bumped into a couple I had seen about an hour earlier. I wonder if they wondered where my sleeves went?
For real. Your ingenuity inspires me.
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I gasped, and in the heat of the moment I picked up the turd bare handed and threw it in the trashcan.
You bare handed a brown trout?!? Hell dude, you are a champion.
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standing up to wipe? that's fucked! I sit down and lean forward
You gotta be sittin down to wipe dudes, 3 squares of bog roll folded over twice as to not risk the poopy fingernail factor if the clart on yer arse is more water based than expected.
You take your neat little rectangle of and wipe front to back.. balls to crack if you will...
first sheet is garunteed to be covered in shit, but feel free to have a glance as we all like to know what color last nights meal comes out like.
reapeat this process 2 or 3 times if your third glance is still an eyefull of brown you gots to lay of the bran muffins son!
dont even think about messing with wet wipes to clean your back passage that shit is fucked! its such a horrid sensation knowing you are turd smear free and still feeling clammy/wet between the cheeks is a total headfuck!
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Ehgh, I dunno about you kids but for me it's a disaster every time. I'm talking about easily over 7 wipes every outing. When that's over it's wet wipes, and yes the sensation is gross, but it's mandatory. Then some more dry-leaf to finish off. When there arent any WetOnes, then it's straight to the shower, no messing around. I'm still braving up to the whole bidet thing, not quite sure how that should work. Still figuring it out.
And OF COURSE you wipe sitting down...you maniacs.
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Personally after I've dropped one off, I switch stance that seat up. Face the cistern, hang my butt over the outside edge of the seat and holla one of my bitches to get the job done.
Anyway, you gotta do the wiping sitting down, although I do have a buddy who tells me all anout her poop steeze and she swears by standing up, "gets more leverage", apparently. But she has had a issue with flecks on the floor.
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not only has slap changed my views on many aspects of skateboarding, but it has also changed my views on wiping my butt. i have conformed to a sit down wiper now. why stand when you can sit?
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This is more of a "in case of emergency break glass" kind of thing but I figured I would share in the event that it helps anyone. If you have a real fucking mess to take care of, the shower is your best option. I call it the American Bidet. It's all about efficiency, just train yourself to shit before your shower then you can double down on the hygiene by warming up with some paper and then scrubbing down in the shower. On to the emergency scenario..
So I travel every now and again for work and in this case I was in Las Vegas for a tradeshow. It had been a typical week of early morning skate sessions, random restaurant/catering food and the occasional beer or three. So it's toward the end of the week and I am feeling fine but apparently Cthulu was just waiting in the darkness. So I head out for dinner and decide to call it an early night since I had a bunch of stuff to do the next day. I am heading back to the hotel with a group of people from work and it's early, even by non-Vegas standards. So we walk in the hotel and are walking through the casino and are getting close to the bar and elevators. I felt fine and felt a little air biscuit stewing and decided to let it creep out while we are walking so as to harmlessly crop dust all the old timers dying in front of the slot machines. Not in the cards. This was the sneakiest ninja motherfucker shart I have ever had in my life. I went from absolutely zero gastrointestinal distress to completely shitting my pants in an instant. Timing was perfect though as we had just hit the bar/elevator cross road. The question was raised, "Anybody want to grab a beer?" and I ducked out with a quick "I'm good, catch ya'll tomorrow" and rush towards an open elevator like the only reason I was rushing was because the door was about to close. I breathe a sigh of relief as I watch the doors close and nobody else had hopped in. They would have been in for a treat.
I got to my room stripped down and realized that this was a wrong that 2-ply wasn't going to right. After a quick shower I was faced with the reality of the shitty underwear staring back at me from the bathroom floor. I sure as hell wasn't going to let those things marinate in my room, windows don't open, so I ran out and dumped them in the nearest trash can which happened to be in front of the elevators. The beauty was that everyone on my floor got to end their night walking off the elevator into a cloud of my shit stink and the same deal for the morning crowd.
I couldn't look at the trash can without laughing my ass off and took the picture below for posterity. Shine on you crazy sphincter...
(http://img707.imageshack.us/img707/9444/sharts.jpg)
Long story short, there is something to be said for showers being right next to toilets.
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People stand up to wipe?? ? ?? ??
(http://images.wikia.com/headhuntershorrorhouse/images/3/3d/Exploding_head.gif)
HILARIOUS ;D
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What toilet paper do you guys use? After testing many brand, Charmin reigns supreme. Its the perfect balance of everything.
Also I'm gonna start using a two step ladder as a stool to squat while I shit. I saw some video on reddit about this. I guess its the natural way for us to shit and I guess I would wipe less too.
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What toilet paper do you guys use?? After testing many brand, Charmin reigns supreme. Its the perfect balance of everything.
Also I'm gonna start using a two step ladder as a stool to squat while I shit. I saw some video on reddit about this. I guess its the natural way for us to shit and I guess I would wipe less too.
pics or gtfo.
but seriously. thats funny shit.
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if i don't have a weasel next to me i wipe my ass with my hand is that bad?
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i stand up as well. had a conversation with my brother about this, he's a sitter. i expected familial clustering.
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Squatty Potty informational video shorter version (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=s7arvdcLWkY#ws)
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Squatty Potty informational video shorter version (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=s7arvdcLWkY#ws)
^^ I have seen this before.
Someone grab one and give it a test run. Post findings.
Also, I don't know how the fuck you guys wipe while seated. I need to stand and get my ass spread eagle to get all that shit out. Get better leverage standing too.
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i stand up as well. had a conversation with my brother about this, he's a sitter. i expected familial clustering.
I would have assumed some sort of hereditary wiping traits to be the norm too. I'm going to have to check with my brother on this. I'm a stander and am amazed at the amount of sitters here. I'm positively bamboozled by the mere mention of scrunching over folding too, I knew it existed but thought it was more for the fairer sex with there relatively hairless toilet holes and lack of hanging junk in the way. Here's my take, standing, slight lean forward with a quarter twist, reach around the body, 3 to 4 sheets folded, wipe, fold repeat and keep repeating until there is no trace left or the paper is to small to fold again. If you need more paper better to use it than leave skid marks on your smalls. Problem turds may take a little more wrangling involving wet wipes, a shower or if no shower is present a vigorous basin wash hand towels be damned. No paper means sacrificing at least one sock. I'm super regular and like to back one out at least at the ratio of one to one per meal. The only thing that has ever broken this has been heavy opiate based pain medication.
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I wipe with damp tp and then pretty much just wash my ass with soap and rag after every shit. It's never clean enough.
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Sitter. I use wet wipes if possible, otherwise I'll run the damp tp/papertowel.
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If you're running wet wipes as part of your wiping routine, I hope you're following it up with some dry wiping of some sort. There's no way I'm pulling up my pants with slippery cheeks.
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If you're running wet wipes as part of your wiping routine, I hope you're following it up with some dry wiping of some sort. There's no way I'm pulling up my pants with slippery cheeks.
Absolutely, the goal is clean and dry when finished.
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it's hard to know when to stop wiping when there's just more and more blood every time I wipe
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it's hard to know when to stop wiping when there's just more and more blood every time I wipe
That's harsh man. You might want to get checked for hemorroids or you could have an anal fissure.
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it's hard to know when to stop wiping when there's just more and more blood every time I wipe
You're probably joking, but I sometimes have this problem.
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it's hard to know when to stop wiping when there's just more and more blood every time I wipe
dude your life literally sucks so bad that im trying to post 1000 times just t o gnar u
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i have an adorable jack russell terrier named max who licks my butthole clean after every shit
love you, max.
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i have an adorable jack russell terrier named max who licks my butthole clean after every shit
love you, max.
may is so lucky i wish that were my job
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I used to be broke. I pared my diet down to cheesy jalapeno bread which I made from 25 lb bags of flour that my mom bought me at costco, giant bags of cheap jalapenos from the grocery outlet, and I'd splurge on cheese.
I figured I could pretty much live on it. Cheese has protein, jalapenos could ward off scurvy and flour filled me up. But the problem was that my ass usually bled when I wiped it. I would usually make a loaf or two, eat nothing but those loaves until they were gone, and then eat other stuff for a couple days until I had time for more baking. It took me a while to connect the blood coming out of my asshole with the jalapeno cheesy bread, but I eventually figured it out and shifted to a pasta, tortillas and peanut butter diet.
I didn't have to work on Fridays, so for some weird reason I volunteered at the food bank at 7 a.m. For some other weird reason I always got really drunk on Thursday nights. At the food bank I'd have to keep taking breaks from sorting cans of food with seniors and chatting with my grey-haired friend Dale about his storage business to take messy shits and then find red on the wiping paper.
I got to take home lots of food after volunteering at the food bank though, so I guess the jalapeno cheesy bread diet became unnecessary. Every once in a while, I'll bleed a little out of my asshole and reminisce about simpler times when my TP regularly came up red.
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i have an adorable jack russell terrier named max who licks my butthole clean after every shit
love you, max.
Pics or get out.
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I used to be broke. I pared my diet down to cheesy jalapeno bread which I made from 25 lb bags of flour that my mom bought me at costco, giant bags of cheap jalapenos from the grocery outlet, and I'd splurge on cheese.
I figured I could pretty much live on it. Cheese has protein, jalapenos could ward off scurvy and flour filled me up. But the problem was that my ass usually bled when I wiped it. I would usually make a loaf or two, eat nothing but those loaves until they were gone, and then eat other stuff for a couple days until I had time for more baking. It took me a while to connect the blood coming out of my asshole with the jalapeno cheesy bread, but I eventually figured it out and shifted to a pasta, tortillas and peanut butter diet.
I didn't have to work on Fridays, so for some weird reason I volunteered at the food bank at 7 a.m. For some other weird reason I always got really drunk on Thursday nights. At the food bank I'd have to keep taking breaks from sorting cans of food with seniors and chatting with my grey-haired friend Dale about his storage business to take messy shits and then find red on the wiping paper.
I got to take home lots of food after volunteering at the food bank though, so I guess the jalapeno cheesy bread diet became unnecessary. Every once in a while, I'll bleed a little out of my asshole and reminisce about simpler times when my TP regularly came up red.
Damn, made me appreciate life a bit more.
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I used to be broke. I pared my diet down to cheesy jalapeno bread which I made from 25 lb bags of flour that my mom bought me at costco, giant bags of cheap jalapenos from the grocery outlet, and I'd splurge on cheese.
I figured I could pretty much live on it. Cheese has protein, jalapenos could ward off scurvy and flour filled me up. But the problem was that my ass usually bled when I wiped it. I would usually make a loaf or two, eat nothing but those loaves until they were gone, and then eat other stuff for a couple days until I had time for more baking. It took me a while to connect the blood coming out of my asshole with the jalapeno cheesy bread, but I eventually figured it out and shifted to a pasta, tortillas and peanut butter diet.
I didn't have to work on Fridays, so for some weird reason I volunteered at the food bank at 7 a.m. For some other weird reason I always got really drunk on Thursday nights. At the food bank I'd have to keep taking breaks from sorting cans of food with seniors and chatting with my grey-haired friend Dale about his storage business to take messy shits and then find red on the wiping paper.
I got to take home lots of food after volunteering at the food bank though, so I guess the jalapeno cheesy bread diet became unnecessary. Every once in a while, I'll bleed a little out of my asshole and reminisce about simpler times when my TP regularly came up red.
Damn, made me appreciate life a bit more.
fuck ur life lol
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Let me inform some of you poop noobs of the perfect pinch.
No iphones, tablets or computers during. Gotta clean up while it's fresh.
Alternate between damp and dry using 3-4 sheets clumped (granted you're near a sink) . Always check until you get a clean wipe and usually an additional safety wipe.
Standing up takes more effort and is less effective. Sit, lean forward, hand back around right leg. Go from back to balls. Much more torque and friction.
So how do you fellows go about cleaning in the shower? Do you use a rag or a loofah? Dispose after use or reuse? Plain hand and soap?
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Every once in a while, I'll bleed a little out of my asshole and reminisce about simpler times when my TP regularly came up red.
The simpler times.. like Little House on The Prairie
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Every once in a while, I'll bleed a little out of my asshole and reminisce about simpler times when my TP regularly came up red.
Like little house next door to Chase Gabor.
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Let me inform some of you poop noobs of the perfect pinch.
No iphones, tablets or computers during. Gotta clean up while it's fresh.
Alternate between damp and dry using 3-4 sheets clumped (granted you're near a sink) . Always check until you get a clean wipe and usually an additional safety wipe.
Standing up takes more effort and is less effective. Sit, lean forward, hand back around right leg. Go from back to balls. Much more torque and friction.
So how do you fellows go about cleaning in the shower? Do you use a rag or a loofah? Dispose after use or reuse? Plain hand and soap?
just spit on it like you would on a vagina. thats the essence of being a human
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i remember when i was a kid i would get done shitting and then sit on the sink and wash my asshole and then dry it. I did this because i would literally wipe for about 3-5 minutes non stop ( i still do) and i hated that
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i remember when i was a kid i would get done shitting and then sit on the sink and wash my asshole and then dry it. I did this because i would literally wipe for about 3-5 minutes non stop ( i still do) and i hated that
Go getcha wet wipes. And quit eatin ya boogers Tobey.
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i remember when i was a kid i would get done shitting and then sit on the sink and wash my asshole and then dry it. I did this because i would literally wipe for about 3-5 minutes non stop ( i still do) and i hated that
Go getcha wet wipes. And quit eatin ya boogers Tobey.
do you think thats the problem? i mean it makes sense i been having to wipe so much since i was a kid and i have been eating my boogers since forever
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Had to shit so bad today at work . I'm in construction so have to use the porter john. I don't know what it is about j jons at job sites but it's like you're back living with barbarians. Fuck. Shit splattered toilet seats. Toilet paper EVERYWHERE. God dammit anyways. So I'm squatting and il out of shape legs twitching trying to hold me up and aiming towards the hole looking through my legs. Breakfast burrito from Taco Bell went right through me. Start shitting like a contemporary painter flinging paint splatter from his brush onto a canvas. Here comes the wiping part- so I'm a sitter. I'm literally sweating at this point with my face in the god damn urinal as I'm dabbing my asshole with tp balls. Everything I don't do during my nofbL shots was performed today . I can't wait to shower and drink away my memories.
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Go from back to balls. Much more torque and friction.
Men are amazing. This would cause one hell of a yeast infection. Although, I've heard tell of women with girth problems wiping feces into their labia due to excessive insurmountable belly fat, leaving a secret trail which ultimately leads to vaginal candidiasis. :-\
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I only take aqua turds. Benefits of living on a house boat.
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I only take aqua turds. Benefits of living on a house boat.
Like you get in the water and shit? I did that in a river once. It was an incredible feeling.
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I only take aqua turds. Benefits of living on a house boat.
Like you get in the water and shit? I did that in a river once. It was an incredible feeling.
I've taken a couple aqua turds in my life. Ocean style. You are correct it is an incredible feeling. Scary part was the salt made it a floater and I was afraid it was gonna hit someone in the face. I was just outside the break with a semi crowded crowded surf bunch
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it does feel quite good ^
do you know what's amazing and what I miss a lot, those poo hoses they have in south east Asia. My butthole has never felt so clean.
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I have a friend that every time we go swimming in a river or lake, he takes a shit, just cause he loves how it feels.
I've still never done it, I think I'm too private a pooper to go while within eyesight of all my friends.
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I heard a guy once do this water pooing in Fiji, and all these tropical fish munched his poo in a mater of seconds. True story.
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I used to do it standing up, until I was like in high school. Not sure why, it just felt right. Sometimes you get specs of shit that fall to the ground though if you're wiping after a dry poop.
But now I wipe sitting down. So much easier. You can just drop the paper right in too, less hassle.
I usually don't look at the paper until after a few wipes to ensure total cleanliness.
I find it weird that some people don't look when they wipe, how do you know you're fully clean?
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You ever sit for so long....you forget to wipe....
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I remember one day, a few years ago, I took a shit at the skatepark and someone asked if I sat down when wiping. I said of course and thought they were just fucking with me. He then went on arguing about shitting with someone else but I just went back to skating and didn't pay attention. Then years later I read this and now I understand what was going on, slap is the best. I want to try wiping while standing but that goes against everything I've ever learned, I don't know how my family would look at me if I switched.
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Anyone else smell the toilet paper after you wipe?
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im done with wiping its fuckin 2015
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im done with wiping its fuckin 2015
Using the 3 sea shells?
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im done with wiping its fuckin 2015
Using the 3 sea shells?
If there are sea shells nearby that means there is a body of water close too. Sea shells are way too dangerous. Just need a good ol fashion aqua wash. Don't be afraid to get your fingers all poopy. Salt water kills germs.
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im done with wiping its fuckin 2015
Using the 3 sea shells?
If there are sea shells nearby that means there is a body of water close too. Sea shells are way too dangerous. Just need a good ol fashion aqua wash. Don't be afraid to get your fingers all poopy. Salt water kills germs.
Behold ye, bidet-henge:
(https://40.media.tumblr.com/6ce9e707d1317016d8ab305167a012ac/tumblr_nm0n3wY9Sr1qd2yqto1_540.jpg)
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im done with wiping its fuckin 2015
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQdglLeGQXM
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2nd wipe i spit on the tp. - its nice, B.
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it's hard to know when to stop wiping when there's just more and more blood every time I wipe
I feel you bro. I have hella hairy butt including hair in butthole area. Sometimes the shit is very sticky and I'm pulling out hair while wiping, and then it's blood marks on paper. Feels sketchy to wipe, but I have to somehow finish the task.
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^ try 'chilling out' a bit b4 wiping man that sounds brutal, ripping out hair?
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Anyone here ever have "clean" shits? Where a nice quality of poop comes out so smoothly and swiftly that you don't really have to wipe.
Seems somewhat rare. A couple times it happened and I tried to wipe anyway only to see a my toilet paper sans residue.
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Anyone here ever have "clean" shits? Where a nice quality of poop comes out so smoothly and swiftly that you don't really have to wipe.
Seems somewhat rare. A couple times it happened and I tried to wipe anyway only to see a my toilet paper sans residue.
I moved to Hamburg to study in september. My roommate and I started eating a lot of quality butter and oily food down there. A lot of vegetarian food too. To me it seems that if you eat a lot of fibres and oily/buttery stuff you'll poop ghosts. No traces except maybe a bit of ectoplasm.
But then again, I have a fickle stomach. Might not work for everyone.
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Anyone here ever have "clean" shits? Where a nice quality of poop comes out so smoothly and swiftly that you don't really have to wipe.
Seems somewhat rare. A couple times it happened and I tried to wipe anyway only to see a my toilet paper sans residue.
Every single time i drank, my shits the next day would be no wipers. Thats why im an alcoholic
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Anyone here ever have "clean" shits? Where a nice quality of poop comes out so smoothly and swiftly that you don't really have to wipe.
Seems somewhat rare. A couple times it happened and I tried to wipe anyway only to see a my toilet paper sans residue.
Every single time i drank, my shits the next day would be no wipers. Thats why im an alcoholic
I feel you. No wiper days are the best days.
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It's all about that UltraCush HD Cottonelle.
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Anyone here ever have "clean" shits? Where a nice quality of poop comes out so smoothly and swiftly that you don't really have to wipe.
Seems somewhat rare. A couple times it happened and I tried to wipe anyway only to see a my toilet paper sans residue.
But then again, I have a fickle stomach. Might not work for everyone.
Fixed.
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Hmmm, interesting with no no-wipers comments. I always wondered why some people proclaim, "I'm gonna go take a shit" & then they come back within like 2 minutes, where as a lot of people including myself might take up to 10 or longer. Maybe they fake it just to leave a good impression or something.
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this thread is the reason why i signed up for slap
i just googled wiping ur butt i dont even sk8
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Wet wipes essential. Life changer
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Wet wipes essential. Life changer
Several people have sworn by this, butt wipes seem like a larger investment than toilet paper. Could you post a play by play cost-benefit analysis friend?
I've recently been informed I got life fucked up for practicing a wiping technique which involves spreading one's legs and expunging fences by wiping any excrement backward. I'm playing the lottery here comrades cuz I gotta uncontrollable bladder so occasionally I tinkle on the tp going in. Thing is, I find it to be an optimal solution due to the time-saving aspect of spreading your cheeks before being seated. Not to mention biking really takes its toll on the hindquarters.
Thanks in advance for any advice. Love you guys!
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Wet wipes essential. Life changer
Several people have sworn by this, butt wipes seem like a larger investment than toilet paper. Could you post a play by play cost-benefit analysis friend?
I've recently been informed I got life fucked up for practicing a wiping technique which involves spreading one's legs and expunging fences by wiping any excrement backward. I'm playing the lottery here comrades cuz I gotta uncontrollable bladder so occasionally I tinkle on the tp going in. Thing is, I find it to be an optimal solution due to the time-saving aspect of spreading your cheeks before being seated. Not to mention biking really takes its toll on the hindquarters.
Thanks in advance for any advice. Love you guys!
Isn't it kind of wild how there could totally be a science to optimal pooping and wiping? Hoping the Bill and Melinda Gates foundation gets to the bottom ;D of this.
Feel like you gotta go both directions for optimal cleaning--also, never understood why the bidet hasn't caught on in North America. Like, if you got poop on your arm, would you just wipe it off? Nah.
Too big of a change for people haha
I tried one once, you are never ready for the stream. You think you might be but, the stream will get you
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So i take a shit every morning like a normal person does but when it gets later in the day i have the feeling to shit again. I refuse to poop twice in one day because my asshole sucks and i literally spend at least 3 minutes just wiping. I use at least a full roll of toilet paper every fucking time and im pretty sure i can't use wet wipes because my asshole is so torn up from tp that it will just sting so bad. I would have to not shit for a day or two so it heals up in order to use wet wipes. Fuck my life
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So i take a shit every morning like a normal person does but when it gets later in the day i have the feeling to shit again. I refuse to poop twice in one day because my asshole sucks and i literally spend at least 3 minutes just wiping. I use at least a full roll of toilet paper every fucking time and im pretty sure i can't use wet wipes because my asshole is so torn up from tp that it will just sting so bad. I would have to not shit for a day or two so it heals up in order to use wet wipes. Fuck my life
Vasaline dude, my asshole was raw from some intense diarrhea one day and it kept it from stinging and it healed it faster too.
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So i take a shit every morning like a normal person does but when it gets later in the day i have the feeling to shit again. I refuse to poop twice in one day because my asshole sucks and i literally spend at least 3 minutes just wiping. I use at least a full roll of toilet paper every fucking time and im pretty sure i can't use wet wipes because my asshole is so torn up from tp that it will just sting so bad. I would have to not shit for a day or two so it heals up in order to use wet wipes. Fuck my life
You should be shitting 3-4 times a day. Shitting once and then holding your second shit in is not good. You're asking for colon cancer bud.
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(http://whatsyourdeal.com/grocery-coupons/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/capture1.jpg)
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So i take a shit every morning like a normal person does but when it gets later in the day i have the feeling to shit again. I refuse to poop twice in one day because my asshole sucks and i literally spend at least 3 minutes just wiping. I use at least a full roll of toilet paper every fucking time and im pretty sure i can't use wet wipes because my asshole is so torn up from tp that it will just sting so bad. I would have to not shit for a day or two so it heals up in order to use wet wipes. Fuck my life
What the fuck is wrong with your body
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Once when I was a kid I wiped with my bare fingers and then smeared it on a chair in the kitchen. I rule.
Now my asshole is very hairy and I dread taking a shit. More like dingle bananas with me. One time I wetted the paper in the sink and it seemed to work but I haven't tried it since.
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So i take a shit every morning like a normal person does but when it gets later in the day i have the feeling to shit again. I refuse to poop twice in one day because my asshole sucks and i literally spend at least 3 minutes just wiping. I use at least a full roll of toilet paper every fucking time and im pretty sure i can't use wet wipes because my asshole is so torn up from tp that it will just sting so bad. I would have to not shit for a day or two so it heals up in order to use wet wipes. Fuck my life
What the fuck is wrong with your body
I don't know but i just pooped and it was a no wiper, nothing can go wrong today now
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it does feel quite good ^
do you know what's amazing and what I miss a lot, those poo hoses they have in south east Asia. My butthole has never felt so clean.
I've been living in SE Asia on and off for the last few years. Currently in Indo. The bum-gun is a gamechanger and one of the major reasons I love this place. Pro tip: always give the gun a quick squirt before use, especially if it's an unfamiliar one to gauge the water pressure and trigger sensitivity. Water pressure varies drastically from city to city, even house to house. You don't need an accidental enema.
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Robot bidet toilets in Japan ... I can never go back
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Got wet wipes today, fucking game changer
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I'm taking a shit right now. I'm going to go straight into the shower so I don't have to use toilet paper.
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I'm taking a shit right now. I'm going to go straight into the shower so I don't have to use toilet paper.
reminded me of how much I fucking hate when I have to take a shit after I just took a shower
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moisture is key at some point, all dry wipes practices just aint cutting it
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What can I add to my diet to get the shit to just slide out? Im usuallly stuck with a little piece hanging and gotta try and finesse that shit without smushing it. Its annoying as fuck.
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What can I add to my diet to get the shit to just slide out? Im usuallly stuck with a little piece hanging and gotta try and finesse that shit without smushing it. Its annoying as fuck.
Broccoli
Beans
Whole wheat bread
Those fiber candy bars
Cup of coffee
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What can I add to my diet to get the shit to just slide out? Im usuallly stuck with a little piece hanging and gotta try and finesse that shit without smushing it. Its annoying as fuck.
Beans
Whole wheat bread
Those fiber candy bars
Cup of coffee
lots of fruit too
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Just came here to say this is my favorite topic.
Once I had a messy turd in airport, and I had to open the water reservoir to wet the paper and clean up the mess before running to my flight.
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3 quick shit stories (not about wiping):
When I was 11 my friend and I shit in the forest behind my house. I was finishing up and my friend burst out laughing for some reason. He said my dog was eating his shit. We went back in my house and my dog threw up my friend's shit and my mom made my brother clean it up.
Around the same time my cousin, my brother and I were walking around the forest my cousin lived in and we found a bucket. Of course I shit in it, and we put it in a little stream and let the current carry it off. We chased after it, saved it by putting a big stick under the handle and fishing it out, and put it back in and kept doing this for who knows how long.
And one time I ate about 12 vanilla puddings and had a totally vanilla shit.
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I eat healthy and take magnesium and my turds look like cartoon turds. They're perfectly shaped and colored. I should get one bronzed.
Just came here to say this is my favorite topic.
Once I had a messy turd in airport, and I had to open the water reservoir to wet the paper and clean up the mess before running to my flight.
To clean it off of yourself? Where did it go and how did it get there? I've had violent diarrhea before but not to where it ends up back on me.
I got busted taking a shit in my neighbor's back yard when I was like 8 or 9. It was this elderly couple who had this huge overgrown yard, and there was a plastic lawn chair back there that had the seat broken at some point and there was a hole in it. I felt that it was similar enough to a toilet and at that point I had never shit outside before and was curious, so I went for it. Mr. Henning was really, really mad but I finished. He dragged me back to my house to tell my parents and my dad thought it was amazing and hilarious.
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Got wet wipes today, fucking game changer
careful ...I hear they get easily clogged in the waste pipe drain
http://www.care2.com/greenliving/11-things-you-should-never-flush-down-the-toilet.html (http://www.care2.com/greenliving/11-things-you-should-never-flush-down-the-toilet.html)
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I used to live in my crx, so one morning I woke up and immediatly had to shit, this was the most uncrontralable feeling Ive ever had, prolly from all the mcdonalds I was eating. I only had enough time to swing the door open and pull my shorts down. Steaming hot brownie batter everywhere, and it wont stop. Theres people driving by as I shit outta my car into the parking lot, atleast 5 cars drove by and saw me. So I take my socks and wipe and gtfoutta there and hit up mcdonalds to wipe the rest. Welcome to my life.
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Got wet wipes today, fucking game changer
careful ...I hear they get easily clogged in the waste pipe drain
http://www.care2.com/greenliving/11-things-you-should-never-flush-down-the-toilet.html (http://www.care2.com/greenliving/11-things-you-should-never-flush-down-the-toilet.html)
I remember on Stern they were talking about some guy whose toilet was fucked so he had a 'hamper' where you had to put your shitty paper.
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Got wet wipes today, fucking game changer
careful ...I hear they get easily clogged in the waste pipe drain
http://www.care2.com/greenliving/11-things-you-should-never-flush-down-the-toilet.html (http://www.care2.com/greenliving/11-things-you-should-never-flush-down-the-toilet.html)
Joe Rogan and Kevin Smith talked about it on his podcast
go to 24:00 timestamp (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ue9FbQPX2s0[/url)
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Got wet wipes today, fucking game changer
careful ...I hear they get easily clogged in the waste pipe drain
http://www.care2.com/greenliving/11-things-you-should-never-flush-down-the-toilet.html (http://www.care2.com/greenliving/11-things-you-should-never-flush-down-the-toilet.html)
This is common in a lot of countries.
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I eat healthy and take magnesium and my turds look like cartoon turds. They're perfectly shaped and colored. I should get one bronzed.
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Just came here to say this is my favorite topic.
Once I had a messy turd in airport, and I had to open the water reservoir to wet the paper and clean up the mess before running to my flight.
To clean it off of yourself? Where did it go and how did it get there? I've had violent diarrhea before but not to where it ends up back on me.
I got busted taking a shit in my neighbor's back yard when I was like 8 or 9. It was this elderly couple who had this huge overgrown yard, and there was a plastic lawn chair back there that had the seat broken at some point and there was a hole in it. I felt that it was similar enough to a toilet and at that point I had never shit outside before and was curious, so I went for it. Mr. Henning was really, really mad but I finished. He dragged me back to my house to tell my parents and my dad thought it was amazing and hilarious.
My butt is hairy, so after a flaccid turd, the shit is everywhere, so only option is wet washing.
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I've been having excellent shits for many years now. Usually 3-4 times a day so I'm regular. I'm addicted to this stuff called "Kefir" which is like a cousin of yogurt. I eat it with greek yogurt, fruit, and granola every day. I also drink Kombucha frequently so my diet consists of a good source of fermented and probiotic rich foods. I also only drink water whenever I'm thirsty, no soda, beer rarely. I still eat plenty of meat and cheese but it all just solidifies into perfect smooth turds since I balance it out with other healthy stuff. My only problem is my hairy asshole that requires some extra tp usage.
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Have we discussed whether it's better to have the toilet paper hanging over or under? Because the answer is clearly over, and I've changed it to that way in other people's houses like an asshole. No pun intended.
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Have we discussed whether it's better to have the toilet paper hanging over or under? Because the answer is clearly over, and I've changed it to that way in other people's houses like an asshole. No pun intended.
Over = Standard for me
(http://americandigest.org/aprocon-over-under.jpg)
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Knew it. Fuck Ann Landers.
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why the fuck would u go under its srsly fukin stupid and for retards
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^
My roommate would always put toilet paper on like that, and use way too much toilet paper, despite the fact that I always buy Charmin Ultra. I go through a roll every two to three weeks. It would make it through three or four days whenever he was around...probably wrapped his hand in a toilet paper glove every time.
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While I would prefer my current situation to the impending unemployment I'm soon facing.. My boss at the moment operates out of his back yard, and won't let employees in his house. Therefore, if I want to take a leak or a dump, I have to clock out for 15mins (no paid breaks here) and go up the street to the nearest coffee shop.
There's an old saying.. "Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that's why I shit on company time". I'm really looking forward to that being a reality for me again.
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While I would prefer my current situation to the impending unemployment I'm soon facing.. My boss at the moment operates out of his back yard, and won't let employees in his house. Therefore, if I want to take a leak or a dump, I have to clock out for 15mins (no paid breaks here) and go up the street to the nearest coffee shop.
There's an old saying.. "Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that's why I shit on company time". I'm really looking forward to that being a reality for me again.
Is it not illegal for him not to provide bathroom facilities?
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He's not even taking deductions off my checks or giving me paystubs, or any paid breaks. I think his scheme is he's hiring me as a self-employed sub-contractor or something, so technically I'm not his employee and he doesn't have to do shit for me.
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Depending on what state you're in, if you're 1099 your options are probably to either continue doing what you're doing or to go fuck yourself. Most states don't offer a whole lot of protection if you're 1099.
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Some years ago my buddies and I were discussing how hard it was to wipe when one of my friends blurted out, "I like to spit in the toilet paper, then wipe, that way it's like a wet wipe n u can flush it too."
Time passed and we were havin a party when that dude was using the bathroom for a while. I had this loud ass girlfriend at the time who yelled some shit then thought it would be a good idea to bust open the door and take a picture of his reaction.
The sight of a mid-twenties man spittin into a wad of toilet paper to wipe his bootyhole still makes me chuckle after some time now...
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While I would prefer my current situation to the impending unemployment I'm soon facing.. My boss at the moment operates out of his back yard, and won't let employees in his house. Therefore, if I want to take a leak or a dump, I have to clock out for 15mins (no paid breaks here) and go up the street to the nearest coffee shop.
There's an old saying.. "Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that's why I shit on company time". I'm really looking forward to that being a reality for me again.
I hate taking shit breaks at work...i can never get it all out and have to keep going back. Thats why i like shitting at home so I can sit and chill for however long needed to get it all out.
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I sit and chill and take as long as I need at work. That's the best part of the whole thing.
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At my old job I would ask to use the bathroom and just leave, go to mcdonalds, smerk a joint, ciggarete, then a couple hours later I would take a shit again foreal. They wont say anything if its under 20 minutes, above that they might ask questions though.
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I sit and chill and take as long as I need at work. That's the best part of the whole thing.
for reals! theres no greater joy than taking a stupidly long time to poo at work
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I sit and chill and take as long as I need at work. That's the best part of the whole thing.
I can too, I just don't like shitting in public stalls, i get claustrophobic, my old office had really hard toilet paper too, luckily my new job has soft Tp :P
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i dont know how long i take at work, but its long enough for my computer to go to sleep.
and i dont care about other people being in there as long as their not doing something weird. last week some asshole came in there while i was shitting and brushed his teeth for a whole five minutes. he even stopped mid way though, spit, then started brushing again. it made me uncomfortable because im a nice person and i didnt want to be audibly pooping while someone in the same room as me tried cleaning their mouth, so i just sat their in silence while this dude totally chilled and brushed his teeth. bad experience all together.
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i dont know how long i take at work, but its long enough for my computer to go to sleep.
and i dont care about other people being in there as long as their not doing something weird. last week some asshole came in there while i was shitting and brushed his teeth for a whole five minutes. he even stopped mid way though, spit, then started brushing again. it made me uncomfortable because im a nice person and i didnt want to be audibly pooping while someone in the same room as me tried cleaning their mouth, so i just sat their in silence while this dude totally chilled and brushed his teeth. bad experience all together.
Sometimes when I walk in the bathroom my autistant (autistic assistant) is just standing there brushing his teeth in the tiny crowded room we empty our bowels in. How much cleaner do these people think their mouths are after rubbing shit particles all over their teeth?
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i dont know how long i take at work, but its long enough for my computer to go to sleep.
and i dont care about other people being in there as long as their not doing something weird. last week some asshole came in there while i was shitting and brushed his teeth for a whole five minutes. he even stopped mid way though, spit, then started brushing again. it made me uncomfortable because im a nice person and i didnt want to be audibly pooping while someone in the same room as me tried cleaning their mouth, so i just sat their in silence while this dude totally chilled and brushed his teeth. bad experience all together.
We only had 2 stalls 2 urinals, really small too, I have the same issue too if someone else shows up I halt the attack. I myself laugh uncontrollably when I hear someone making shit noises, some of those sounds are straight up fucked, sometimes I want to be like "yoooo You ok in there" but laugh instead
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autistant (autistic assistant)
amazing.
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Loving all this shitting-at-work talk, glad everybody is in the same boat as me here.
I wiped my ass this morning & nothing was there, it was fucking great...
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Loving all this shitting-at-work talk, glad everybody is in the same boat as me here.
I wiped my ass this morning & nothing was there, it was fucking great...
Ghost wipe the whip
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ghost wipe is one those amazing joys of life like taking the price tag off in one clean peel
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Hey any of you have mastered wiping using either of hands?
I remember once it was kinda difficult with the right hand, so I had to do switch stance with lefty and it was super difficult.
Like starting riding swich on a skateboard.
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Hey any of you have mastered wiping using either of hands?
I remember once it was kinda difficult with the right hand, so I had to do switch stance with lefty and it was super difficult.
Like starting riding swich on a skateboard.
Nah you got to so you can hit both hemispheres.
I take a bump of caffeine and take a huge nasty shit in morning, that shit works, its like a purge.
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I've always wondered why its such commonplace to bring books into the restroom. Like why do people take such long shits? I'm usually in and out in like 2-3 minutes. I'll usually put a song on my phone before hand though
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ok, but then you are missing out on something buddy.
taking long shits is like a spiritual place of forging ideas.
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Never bring a book into the bathroom in jail, unless its yours. Just a tip. Nobody want your doo doo hands on my pages.
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ok, but then you are missing out on something buddy.
taking long shits is like a spiritual place of forging ideas.
It really is. It's like the shower but the ideas are way less abstract and wackadoo. For me anyways.
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I used to bring skate magazines to the shitter all the time...but nowadays I just scroll twitter and IG whenever I take a long shit.
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I took 2 15 minute shits today, thanks trump
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Finland pals,
You have toilets equipped with small shower head... how do you use that? During my Finland visits I didn't dare to try.
I'm all in for proper hygiene. Makes me wonder if Finns experience often messy turds, therefore nationwide standard of butt shower system? I'm curious!
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Hey any of you have mastered wiping using either of hands?
I remember once it was kinda difficult with the right hand, so I had to do switch stance with lefty and it was super difficult.
Like starting riding swich on a skateboard.
Had to wipe switch for several weeks due to a separated shoulder. I found that by just wrapping my left hand with TP it was a lot easier.
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Finland pals,
You have toilets equipped with small shower head... how do you use that? During my Finland visits I didn't dare to try.
I'm all in for proper hygiene. Makes me wonder if Finns experience often messy turds, therefore nationwide standard of butt shower system? I'm curious!
That small shower head - thing next to sink is for mostly for women, often referred as " pussy-phone" in finnish slang. Of course men can use that as well after some nasty shitting, i think it's based on traditional french bidet, which is like a low sink where you sit down and let water spray to clean up your ass. Although we finns do eat a lot of meat...
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Finland pals,
You have toilets equipped with small shower head... how do you use that? During my Finland visits I didn't dare to try.
I'm all in for proper hygiene. Makes me wonder if Finns experience often messy turds, therefore nationwide standard of butt shower system? I'm curious!
That small shower head - thing next to sink is for mostly for women, often referred as " pussy-phone" in finnish slang. Of course men can use that as well after some nasty shitting, i think it's based on traditional french bidet, which is like a low sink where you sit down and let water spray to clean up your ass. Although we finns do eat a lot of meat...
And drink as though your lives depend on it.
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I don't know what the hell is going on but my last like 7 poops were no wipers. I'm dreading the day this streak ends
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I don't know what the hell is going on but my last like 7 poops were no wipers. I'm dreading the day this streak ends
I don't know if you know what you've done there.
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Hey any of you have mastered wiping using either of hands?
I remember once it was kinda difficult with the right hand, so I had to do switch stance with lefty and it was super difficult.
Like starting riding swich on a skateboard.
Amazing thread. After various devastating injuries on both arms i can confidently say that i am now stanceless in wiping my butt. There isn't even a feeling of reminiscing "oh i used to be goofy/regular", it only depends on whichever hand grabs the bog roll first.
Also, Soda, is a "ghost wipe" the equivalent to "Ace"? my irish friends used to call it that way but g.w. feels stronger haha
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It's crazy how often I have wipeless shits considering the way I eat/drink. I think I may have the perfect asshole.
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happy thanksgiving guys
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so what's the consensus..regular wipe is through the front, back to front..or through the back, front to back..i need to know if ive been wiping mongo
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People stand up to wipe?? ? ?? ??
(http://images.wikia.com/headhuntershorrorhouse/images/3/3d/Exploding_head.gif)
since that is my favorite post in this thread, i thought i'm gonna bring it back to the front page.
it still blows my mind literally. how could anyone really stand up to wipe his arse. i do not get it.
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Have you tried it?
That's the only way to do in public bathrooms where hover shitting is a must.
Good workout for thighs. ;)
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People stand up to wipe?? ? ?? ??
(http://images.wikia.com/headhuntershorrorhouse/images/3/3d/Exploding_head.gif)
since that is my favorite post in this thread, i thought i'm gonna bring it back to the front page.
it still blows my mind literally. how could anyone really stand up to wipe his arse. i do not get it.
i only just started wiping my ass seated. I used to wipe while standing but a semi-recent elbow-blow made it impossible to reach if i was standing so i started wiping while seated. Since my elbow healed i have been partially wiping seated and then finishing the job standing. This gives the ability to pay extra attention to detail haha
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so what's the consensus..regular wipe is through the front, back to front..or through the back, front to back..i need to know if ive been wiping mongo
Through the back, back-to-front. What kind of savage goes the other way?
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Pro tip wipe before you poo not after trust me
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so what's the consensus..regular wipe is through the front, back to front..or through the back, front to back..i need to know if ive been wiping mongo
Through the back, back-to-front. What kind of savage goes the other way?
No, you go front to back. A girl said this, so she doesnt get poo in her vagine and ive adapted it, dont want poo on my balls you know. But I go "grab", to make sure theres not poo hanging first, then go in a circular scrubby motion to get the hole nice. Then front to back, switching hands every other swipe to focus on each half of my bum. Then circular scrubby motion to make sure nothing else is left behind in my bumhole. Sometimes requires 2 flushes, I take this shit serious.
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so what's the consensus..regular wipe is through the front, back to front..or through the back, front to back..i need to know if ive been wiping mongo
Through the back, back-to-front. What kind of savage goes the other way?
Ahhh shit I meant front to back and being corrected by you is like a dog turd telling you to get your life sorted.
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fully agree Pals, through the back, balls to back. sitting down with a slight lean to the left for maximum arm clearance
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Pro tip wipe before you poo not after trust me
hmmm will try this later
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Do you guys do a full detail in the shower? Or am I odd one out?
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^ What?
Shit the shower?
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I think he's asking if we clean our asses in the shower? I hope not because he should have been doing that all along
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ive always washed my ass but recently ive been getting all up in there..like im pretty sure im first knuckle and getting it squeaky clean
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I'm not a doctor but it sounds like you're just fingering your ass.
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ive always washed my ass but recently ive been getting all up in there..like im pretty sure im first knuckle and getting it squeaky clean
You can get paid for that if you webcam it
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I'm not a doctor but it sounds like you're just fingering your ass.
Are you sure you're not a Doctor? 'Cause that sounds like a fancy medical term "fingering ".
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I'm not a doctor but it sounds like you're just fingering your ass.
When I took that 6 week course to be certified as Chief of Medicine at a Paraguayan hospital all the textbooks called it Puta Dedo so I only use that when I'm trying to impress.
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I'm not a doctor but it sounds like you're just fingering your ass.
When I took that 6 week course to be certified as Chief of Medicine at a Paraguayan hospital all the textbooks called it Puta Dedo so I only use that when I'm trying to impress.
Soooooo?you are a doctor?
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doctor or not...does fingering my b-hole in the shower get a pass or not?
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doctor or not...does fingering my b-hole in the shower get a pass or not?
Yeah if it makes you feel good, you could also get a little shower dildo so your finger doesn't get shitty.
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doctor or not...does fingering my b-hole in the shower get a pass or not?
Just use the toothbrush of your least favourite housemate, you know the one that leaves just a sip of juice and puts the bottle back in the fridge.
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doctor or not...does fingering my b-hole in the shower get a pass or not?
I don't think it makes you any cleaner but if you like it go ahead.
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A poo confession - I have to rail a massive line of caffeine in the morning to even think about shitting. It doesnt even come out runny anymore though so thats good, or bad. Its my muscles all tight from coming off these benzos, my butthole is clenched 24/7.
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coffee always works for me, but do your thing man.
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Coffee aint shit to me. padum pum. Railing caffiene is like 5 espressos to the head. Dont even get me started on I.V. caffiene.
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Coffee aint shit to me. padum pum. Railing caffiene is like 5 espressos to the head. Dont even get me started on I.V. caffiene.
come on, you know you wanna get started on that. whats it like? 10 espressos? 15? do you have to shoot it sitting on the toilet just in case?
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thinking about asking for one of these for christmas. figured you guys might like one too.
(http://i.imgur.com/5nQsXJM.gif)
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does anyone else lay down a little splash guard of TP before siting down? I cant stand the feeling of toilet water splashing up onto my asshole.
always lay a pad of paper on top of the water befor eletting loose... also makes it easier to inspect the damage afterwards
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yeah, depending on the toilet i am using. If it is a family/friend's toilet that i know there is a possibility of splash then i make sure i lay a square. If its a public toilet i just squat too high for any splash to reach my ass. But yeah, it's the most disgusting feeling ever, especially when the ambient temperature is cold and you do feel those droplets running down your cheeks/thighs
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Sometimes... I dont even wash my hands after :o
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Sometimes almost always... I dont even wash my hands after :o
Ftfy
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Sometimes almost always... I dont even wash my hands after :o
Yeah only if other people are in the bathroom, dont want them to think Im gross or anything.
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Paper - Balled up
Look? - Hell ya
And if I'm at home and the shit was out of control I hop in the shower after wiping, so I feel fresh again.
Topic was funny as hell I laughed hard at some responses.
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I need coffee to have my shits nice, firm and clean. If I skip lunchtime coffee then I can expect fucking wipefest at the evening shitter session.
Kinda contradicting to coffee working as a laxative?
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As the festive meals are coming up I'm really looking forward to experiences with post feasting turds and wiping.
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I need coffee to have my shits nice, firm and clean. If I skip lunchtime coffee then I can expect fucking wipefest at the evening shitter session.
Kinda contradicting to coffee working as a laxative?
I drink at least a pot a day. I got the meanest, cleanest, feces.
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this thread literally changed my life. I would stand and wipe before then when I found this a few years ago I made the switch and my ass is super clean
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does anyone else lay down a little splash guard of TP before siting down? I cant stand the feeling of toilet water splashing up onto my asshole.
always lay a pad of paper on top of the water befor eletting loose... also makes it easier to inspect the damage afterwards
I would but I've been clogging a lot recently and I try to minimize the amount of paper used. I still clog with only 5 squares.
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I need coffee to have my shits nice, firm and clean. If I skip lunchtime coffee then I can expect fucking wipefest at the evening shitter session.
Kinda contradicting to coffee working as a laxative?
Isn't it more that coffee warms your pipes and gets things moving? It's a bit fast acting to be a laxative.
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I need coffee to have my shits nice, firm and clean. If I skip lunchtime coffee then I can expect fucking wipefest at the evening shitter session.
Kinda contradicting to coffee working as a laxative?
Isn't it more that coffee warms your pipes and gets things moving? It's a bit fast acting to be a laxative.
Not exactly a laxative, I think there is something to the acidity that stimulates the colon.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/speaking-of-science/wp/2015/08/10/why-does-coffee-make-you-poop/?utm_term=.b4d9b51f1847 (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/speaking-of-science/wp/2015/08/10/why-does-coffee-make-you-poop/?utm_term=.b4d9b51f1847)
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As I get older my shit gets weirder n more interesting, the other day I took a shit, barley felt like I farted, got up n was astonished at what I saw. It was a huge shit with a wide circumference an periscoped a good few inches above sea level.
Babe was not impressed...
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I been getting psych out poops. First poop of the day is always easy and a no wiper. Then a couple of hours later I guess the real poop comes and I spend about just 5 minutes of wiping after
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I try to hold my poop in until I go to work because the plumbing is really nice there and I take a long time so I get paid like $1.75 to poop
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I try to hold my poop in until I go to work because the plumbing is really nice there and I take a long time so I get paid like $1.75 to poop
my favourite thing to do at work is figure out how much i got paid to poop
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I been getting psych out poops. First poop of the day is always easy and a no wiper. Then a couple of hours later I guess the real poop comes and I spend about just 5 minutes of wiping after
Try to hold that shit, cook it. Unfortunately I don't have any good tips on how hold it up. Coffee after a meal works for me. Lots of water for sure. Then I get consistent ghost shits, nice and smooth.
Don't have any stories to share over Christmas poops. :( Standard shitting procedure for me.
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I went on a few tinder dates this week and I know it sounds shitty or lame but I actually got my sushi paid for 3 different times this week. On thursday I was staying at this girls house and her cousin and cousins boyfriend were sleeping outside on the couch. The sushi fucked up my stomach and I definitely was about to fuck up a toilet but there were too many witness. I have never clinched my b-hole so much as when I thought I might shit her bed that night. Around 4 am when I was sure everyone was asleep I ran to the bathroom and fucking destroyed that toilet only to find out there was no TP. I ended up using a wash cloth and threw that shit out the window
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whenever im mad at my wife, i leave my poop in the toilet with no flush (minimal wipe for better reaction)
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whenever im mad at my wife, i leave my poop in the toilet with no flush (minimal wipe for better reaction)
I do that to assert dominance and show her what kind of a man she's dealing with because my dumps are huge, perfect, and frequent.
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I always hated shitting at my inlaws because I thought they were cheap, keeping the 1-ply industry in business by stocking the guest bathroom for years. They're out of town but we came over to do laundry tonight, used their master bathroom and they have luxurious ass Charmin in there. I feel like they hate me now.
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Started doing the pre-wipe this year 8)
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I always hated shitting at my inlaws because I thought they were cheap, keeping the 1-ply industry in business by stocking the guest bathroom for years. They're out of town but we came over to do laundry tonight, used their master bathroom and they have luxurious ass Charmin in there. I feel like they hate me now.
Damn haha
This reminded me that I was at this cheap buffet and I had to go make space for 3 more plates and guilt. So I run to the bathroom in a hurry. It was already gross as shit and every time I went there some sus shit tended to happen. So I proceed to take one of the most powerful shits of my life. If anime was real I would've maxed out the super saiyan levels. Everything was cool and I begin to wipe. 2 wipes in and I ran out of toilet paper. So I check if there's more in there and the back up paper roll holder thing was empty. I heard 2 people walk in and out from the smell and i was embarrassed to ask for help, at the time I didn't have a phone so I couldn't call for help. So I resourced to using the toilet seat covers. I folded that shit and it became stupid sharp, I powered though until the job was done. My ass was sore and I tried to power through the pain and walk like nothing happened, which was useless because my parents asked me why i was walking weird. I never went there again and I learned that day to always check for TP before beginning.
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guess i gotta rethink my diet and shit.
since a couple of weeks i keep having
quite messy shits, they always result
in a massive wipe-fest. shitting takes
so much more time now and i miss the
satisfaction that you get when having
an upright clean shit. way to start an
awesome& good day in the mornings.
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guess i gotta rethink my diat and shit. since a couple of weeks i keep having quite messy shits, they always result in a massive wipe-fest. shitting takes so much more time now and i miss the satisfaction that you get when having an upright clean shit. way to start an awesome & good day in the mornings.
just quoting you to fuck with your alignment.
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guess i gotta rethink my diet and shit.
since a couple of weeks i keep having
quite messy shits, they always result
in a massive wipe-fest. shitting takes
so much more time now and i miss the
satisfaction that you get when having
an upright clean shit. way to start an
awesome& good day in the mornings.
nooooooo, i put sooo much effort into it :o
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guess i gotta rethink my diet and shit.
since a couple of weeks i keep having
quite messy shits, they always result
in a massive wipe-fest. shitting takes
so much more time now and i miss the
satisfaction that you get when having
an upright clean shit. way to start an
awesome& good day in the mornings.
Well if your diet has not changed, perhaps you are eating while rushed and not chewing as much, thus making your poo particles larger, making the "log" less dense and complete.
Perhaps you are experiencing a change in digestive micro-organisms, apparently fermented(not vinegar) sauerkraut is good for this
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If you shart, whipe it. I sharted a couple times in bed last night but said fuck it, Im tired. So I wake up and go deuce and alls good unltill I wipe. I guess the shart material was hanging around my ass and caused dirty ass pimple. Now I got 3 big ass pimples around my asshole.
So whipe after you shart, unless you want ebola bumbs on your asshole.
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sometimes i piss and dont flush and when i come back to it later and look down in the toilet, the bubbles all form together and look like pangea. been thinking about sending a brown asteroid down to kill the bacteria dinosaurs but i am worried about backsplash
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I always hated shitting at my inlaws because I thought they were cheap, keeping the 1-ply industry in business by stocking the guest bathroom for years. They're out of town but we came over to do laundry tonight, used their master bathroom and they have luxurious ass Charmin in there. I feel like they hate me now.
Damn haha
This reminded me that I was at this cheap buffet and I had to go make space for 3 more plates and guilt. So I run to the bathroom in a hurry. It was already gross as shit and every time I went there some sus shit tended to happen. So I proceed to take one of the most powerful shits of my life. If anime was real I would've maxed out the super saiyan levels. Everything was cool and I begin to wipe. 2 wipes in and I ran out of toilet paper. So I check if there's more in there and the back up paper roll holder thing was empty. I heard 2 people walk in and out from the smell and i was embarrassed to ask for help, at the time I didn't have a phone so I couldn't call for help. So I resourced to using the toilet seat covers. I folded that shit and it became stupid sharp, I powered though until the job was done. My ass was sore and I tried to power through the pain and walk like nothing happened, which was useless because my parents asked me why i was walking weird. I never went there again and I learned that day to always check for TP before beginning.
During a similar experience minus the toilet seat covers i really had to improvise. I was lucky that the toilet had a visible flush tank that opened from the top for "maintenance" access.
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I had something that wouldn't wipe the other day- turned out to be a chunk of tomato still attached to 3 inches of skin that was still in my butthole.
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I try to hold my poop in until I go to work because the plumbing is really nice there and I take a long time so I get paid like $1.75 to poop
my favourite thing to do at work is figure out how much i got paid to poop
whoa same I thought I was the only one. Last week I had a feast of Indian food before I went to work. That night alone I made $17 while shitting. Need to start putting my poop earnings into a special account or something, that money is sacred.
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I got a poop stool, well i just found a stool in the garage. Anyway, it's really amazing, basically you shit like a dog and apparently that's the most healthy way of pooping because it just shoots right out. It really does shoot right out, as soon as I'm position on the stool and toilet seat, about 2 seconds later BOOM. A nice clean poop comes flying out of me and the wipe up job is a great improvement for me. I would use a half of a roll of toilet paper just for one shit and now, I'm finally 10 or less wipes person. I'm normal, finally!!!!!
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^
(http://www.dailynugget.com/images/jtoilet.jpg)
Asian toilets make more sense to me now, but I would never want to shit in a public one.
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what's the average number of squares of toilet paper everyone uses per wipe? I keep it minimal, 4-6 squares depending on the poop.
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what's the average number of squares of toilet paper everyone uses per wipe? I keep it minimal, 4-6 squares depending on the poop.
I don't know about per wipe, but total for each shit is:
2, if they're solid logs
4, if it's a bit runny
6-10, if it's straight diarrhea
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i just got back from Paris and the toilets there are fucked up! the water is so deep in the bowl, my peen was semi submerged. Theres a motion sensor flush.. i did not know this and leaned forward for leverage, which set of the sensor, my wang got a swirly and I got a jump scare that ended up spraying piss over everything.. all in all a thrilling experience not for the faint of heart.
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I always go 3 squares of the quality stuff.
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I've adopted the sit down wipe after being a life long stander, a few squares of tp followed by a wet wipe and I'm golden
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Batting cleanup...
(https://i5.walmartimages.com/asr/9aa81844-b412-496d-9aea-6736357f00dc_1.56e8ff0002b97765c0c3bb4ea91db373.jpeg?odnHeight=450&odnWidth=450&odnBg=FFFFFF)
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^
(http://www.dailynugget.com/images/jtoilet.jpg)
Asian toilets make more sense to me now, but I would never want to shit in a public one.
yeah, they're good but once you go electronic bum jet it's hard to go back!
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Story about me (not) wiping my ass last saturday:
Apparently last Saturday I was so drunk that while I was puking all over my friend's bathroom, I asked him to leave so I could take a shit. He unlocks the bathroom and comes in to see me passed out on the bathroom floor with my pants around my ankles (slightly unrelated but it's also worth mentioning that he kept taking shots the entire time he was helping me). He woke me up and told me to wipe my ass and pull up my pants, to which I asked "why?" It took him five minutes to convince me to do it. I remember absolutely none of this.
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when you're wiping your butt, and you check the tp, and are like, how the fuck did the poo get over on that part? i wasn't even wiping there .. so you scavenger around your side cheeks trying to find the culprit, but every time you check the tp, the poo keeps showing up in different areas .. so by the end, you know that no matter what, there is some poo hidin out that's gonna mark up your undies
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I think you should change up your diet. You aren't supposed to get that kind of surface coverage.
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My ass is very sensitive,so I need to wash it everytime I take a dump! Thank God for the only thing that frenchies ever got right...bidet toilet!
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^
(http://www.dailynugget.com/images/jtoilet.jpg)
Asian toilets make more sense to me now, but I would never want to shit in a public one.
i used to know where a lot of those nice ones were and shit in them on my lunch breaks.
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Wiping your ass is an art.
In my gym we have a dude that I train bjj and he always smells nice (some guys smell like bums,but I get paid ..fuck it)
his butt tho, is always stinky as hell man!!
When I teach him armbars and triangles and shit I am on the verge of puking my guts out!
I get 30€ per hour,so I can't tell this stinky ass too fuck off so I delicately mentioned ass wiping tehniques! The dude told me that he wipes his cornhole with toilet paper and damn wet cleanex!!
Now,wtf is he doing wrong???...ass wiping is an art!
And I need to smell them for a living
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^ what does the second j stand for in your blowjob acronym?
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^ what does the second j stand for in your blowjob acronym?
jazzercise
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blowjobjitsu
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Blow jobs cost extra
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^ what does the second j stand for in your blowjob acronym?
Your mom Jennifer
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After you finish pooping do you button your pants back up or wash your hands first? The thought of poop particles renting out property on my pants button/belt buckle make me uneasy. Although there's poop particles on practically everything everywhere all the time always, but I already have enough trouble sleeping at night so I try not to think about that.
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Yo I just raw cheek at work, unless theres piss, but I just wipe up the piss.
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Just found this - had to share!
(https://i.imgur.com/QnGqhb5.jpg)
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I ate a lotta cheese yesterday...
(http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/78/78a4622a589a1a6394b42a231b30e8dacbe9fbb7e399f43643abb263046f9e1a.jpg)
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Had one of those wonderful shits yesterday where it kinda just slithers out your ass and dissolves on contact with the water. Wiped my ass and there was nothing. Glorious.
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Had one of those wonderful shits yesterday where it kinda just slithers out your ass and dissolves on contact with the water. Wiped my ass and there was nothing. Glorious.
Those are the best,on par with droppin a stout shit log and feeling lighter and energized after.
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Never had a shit dissolve on contact with water
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Alka-shit.
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can someone explain this:
(https://image.ibb.co/e72oHy/IMG_5760.png)
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can someone explain this:
(https://image.ibb.co/e72oHy/IMG_5760.png)
Ahh yes a technique that has been around for centruies it was said that even Ghengis Khan used this pooping postioon because it promoted self discipline to not let go of wall, is called a chocolate lemoade hail storm for obvious reasons
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I feel I have a unique technique.
I pull four squares if it's good tp or six of its one ply. On the first ply I poke the middle with my pointer finger and twirl an upper corner around my finger with my thumb, making almost a full rotation. I pinch the twisted part with thumb and finger to hold it in place while folding the remaining squares under the "shit trap" I have just created, to protect my hand. It looks like a slightly gaping butthole. Keep it pinched, wipe, repeat until only traces remain, then go to straight up folded sheets.
Don't know where I got it from but it works.
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does anyone else hold in their poop as long as possible to enjoy the sensation or is it just me
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does anyone else hold in their poop as long as possible to enjoy the sensation or is it just me
Not intentionally but sometimes circumstances command it and that's when you have the sweetest dumps.
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does anyone else hold in their poop as long as possible to enjoy the sensation or is it just me
Yes, good shit.
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There's no time for me hold in my shits they are all immediate emergencies
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There's no time for me hold in my shits they are all immediate emergencies
Better work on them butt kegels then
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i always get the shits visiting my mom,
mother-earth-rays working my insides i guess
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does anyone else hold in their poop as long as possible to enjoy the sensation or is it just me
Yes, good shit.
After enough cigs on the sesh I'll be carrying some serious dumps in my bowels until I get home
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does anyone else hold in their poop as long as possible to enjoy the sensation or is it just me
Yes, good shit.
One of the reasons I quit smoking cigarettes... Im 30, I usually have to plan what I eat before and during skating just so I don't get the shits... People say age is just a number, tell that to my lower intestine.
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does anyone else hold in their poop as long as possible to enjoy the sensation or is it just me
Yes, good shit.
One of the reasons I quit smoking cigarettes... Im 30, I usually have to plan what I eat before and during skating just so I don't get the shits... People say age is just a number, tell that to my lower intestine.
damn dude, how unhealthy are you? im 30 in a couple months and i can eat whatever I want without fear of shitting myself.. go see a doctor
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5 to 6 plys (always look)
put left ass cheek slightly on rim of toilet and spread
start with water wipes
when wiping use 1 finger slightly push in middle of hole while spread (ensures maximum cleaness)
wipe until spotless
always take shower after (ocd)
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5 to 6 plys (always look)
put left ass cheek slightly on rim of toilet and spread
start with water wipes
when wiping use 1 finger slightly push in middle of hole while spread (ensures maximum cleaness)
wipe until spotless
always take shower after (ocd)
What if you need a shit at work?
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Earlier this year I bought a bidet and it has hands down been the best purchase of 2018.
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5 to 6 plys (always look)
put left ass cheek slightly on rim of toilet and spread
start with water wipes
when wiping use 1 finger slightly push in middle of hole while spread (ensures maximum cleaness)
wipe until spotless
always take shower after (ocd)
What if you need a shit at work?
Hold it. I'm not as OCD but cannot shit other places than home.
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5 to 6 plys (always look)
put left ass cheek slightly on rim of toilet and spread
start with water wipes
when wiping use 1 finger slightly push in middle of hole while spread (ensures maximum cleaness)
wipe until spotless
always take shower after (ocd)
What if you need a shit at work?
Hold it. I'm not as OCD but cannot shit other places than home.
I am all about the work poo, like if i need a shit right before i need to leave for work ill hold it till i get to work..
if youre on 20 an hour and you take ten minutes to drop one off you just got paid like 3.33 to take a dump AND you dont have to use your own TP... win win
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5 to 6 plys (always look)
put left ass cheek slightly on rim of toilet and spread
start with water wipes
when wiping use 1 finger slightly push in middle of hole while spread (ensures maximum cleaness)
wipe until spotless
always take shower after (ocd)
What if you need a shit at work?
Hold it. I'm not as OCD but cannot shit other places than home.
I am all about the work poo, like if i need a shit right before i need to leave for work ill hold it till i get to work..
if youre on 20 an hour and you take ten minutes to drop one off you just got paid like 3.33 to take a dump AND you dont have to use your own TP... win win
Yes, but the seat and everything else is is foreign to my precious ass!
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5 to 6 plys (always look)
put left ass cheek slightly on rim of toilet and spread
start with water wipes
when wiping use 1 finger slightly push in middle of hole while spread (ensures maximum cleaness)
wipe until spotless
always take shower after (ocd)
What if you need a shit at work?
Hold it. I'm not as OCD but cannot shit other places than home.
I am all about the work poo, like if i need a shit right before i need to leave for work ill hold it till i get to work..
if youre on 20 an hour and you take ten minutes to drop one off you just got paid like 3.33 to take a dump AND you dont have to use your own TP... win win
I have to shit at public restrooms when visiting friends. I take kratom and basically shit out a baby every few days, but goddamn it feels good (unless I bust a blood vessel in my eye). Theres not a commode on the market that can handle me. Requires very little wiping as its similar to shitting river rocks.
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Yeah. I remember digging rocks out of my ass when I was fiending. Very little poo but tons of paper and blood. I mean, what to do when you have not gone for days on end?
Withdrawal is another story...
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Yeah. I remember digging rocks out of my ass when I was fiending. Very little poo but tons of paper and blood. I mean, what to do when you have not gone for days on end?
Withdrawal is another story...
On kratom=river rocks
Of Kratom=hot lava with glass shards
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Yeah. I remember digging rocks out of my ass when I was fiending. Very little poo but tons of paper and blood. I mean, what to do when you have not gone for days on end?
Withdrawal is another story...
On kratom=river rocks
Of Kratom=hot lava with glass shards
If you do drugs youre gonna have a bad time mmkay
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Drugs are cool
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I am all about the work poo, like if i need a shit right before i need to leave for work ill hold it till i get to work..
if youre on 20 an hour and you take ten minutes to drop one off you just got paid like 3.33 to take a dump AND you dont have to use your own TP... win win
i can’t relate to this at all but you should be proud
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On kratom=river rocks
Of Kratom=hot lava with glass shards
Hell yeah, I only keep it around 2 grams twice a day just for the poops, nice little river rocks. Just sloop, sloop, sloop, courtesy wipe for any ass grease and your good. Lately Ive been getting just one long shloooooooop, big ol lumberjack with still no mess.
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On kratom=river rocks
Of Kratom=hot lava with glass shards
My IBS is 2xtreme, not even Kratom can calm the beast. Now, Psyllium Husk? That's another story. That stuff is magical! I rock the unflavored CVS one, not that nasty orange-flavored Metamucil junk.
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Your ibs might be Crohns. It happened to my friend a few years back and one doctor put him on the right meds to keep it calm and normal. Normal shits and his stomach doesn’t feel like it’s going to explode anymore.
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Your ibs might be Crohns. It happened to my friend a few years back and one doctor put him on the right meds to keep it calm and normal. Normal shits and his stomach doesn’t feel like it’s going to explode anymore.
I've been having suspicions that I have Chrohn's for a few years now, actually. I've got a yearly checkup coming up in 10 days, I should try to see if they can test for it!
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That’s pretty great timing. Hope all goes well!
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Had to shit at work today. After the missdeed I looked down and there was plenty of blood stans, must have burst something... Oh, well..
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I am sure others have had the awesome moment where it is a no wiper, you get done and go for a quick swipe and no stains no shame I also like a bidet it helps being a woman and all. However I do have this thing kinda like a cat/dog stepper where you place it under your feet when on the toilet so you are in a perched position it really helps if you are on pain meds, constipated,or some other poop related issue where you get butt shy. I don't know about you guy's but if I am pooping in random friends house or stores restroom I am taking my sweet time and going to blow it up.
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I was stuck doing construction in a building with no working exit so i shit in a box. 4 minutes later i passed someone from another trade walking with the box down the hallway.
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I am sure others have had the awesome moment where it is a no wiper, you get done and go for a quick swipe and no stains no shame I also like a bidet it helps being a woman and all. However I do have this thing kinda like a cat/dog stepper where you place it under your feet when on the toilet so you are in a perched position it really helps if you are on pain meds, constipated,or some other poop related issue where you get butt shy. I don't know about you guy's but if I am pooping in random friends house or stores restroom I am taking my sweet time and going to blow it up.
Do girls ever masturbate while taking a shit like guys do? Or at least have you?
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I am sure others have had the awesome moment where it is a no wiper, you get done and go for a quick swipe and no stains no shame I also like a bidet it helps being a woman and all. However I do have this thing kinda like a cat/dog stepper where you place it under your feet when on the toilet so you are in a perched position it really helps if you are on pain meds, constipated,or some other poop related issue where you get butt shy. I don't know about you guy's but if I am pooping in random friends house or stores restroom I am taking my sweet time and going to blow it up.
no, although I have been known to take a dump while watching porn and hop in the shower and use the shower head to get off. I think like a guy sometimes I always mention it to my man in a joking sense he can be bit effeminate sometimes, he's a chick trapped in a mans body and I am a man trapped in a girls body. We are too weird for most normal couples and laugh at the same stuff sometimes.
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I am sure others have had the awesome moment where it is a no wiper, you get done and go for a quick swipe and no stains no shame I also like a bidet it helps being a woman and all. However I do have this thing kinda like a cat/dog stepper where you place it under your feet when on the toilet so you are in a perched position it really helps if you are on pain meds, constipated,or some other poop related issue where you get butt shy. I don't know about you guy's but if I am pooping in random friends house or stores restroom I am taking my sweet time and going to blow it up.
It's a trap...
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I know at least some girls finger theyre cooch while pooping, I just know there has to be.
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Ive not done this but to pull a prank at a party, shit into a towel and fire it into the dryer. Ya dont wanna get caught doing that. Its called a 'bomber'.
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Ive not done this but to pull a prank at a party, shit into a towel and fire it into the dryer. Ya dont wanna get caught doing that. Its called a 'bomber'.
I'd murder the fucker behind that "prank".
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Ive not done this but to pull a prank at a party, shit into a towel and fire it into the dryer. Ya dont wanna get caught doing that. Its called a 'bomber'.
Youd have ur hands full anyway (unintended pun) - The character known for this prank is a mma/surf/meth head. Not a funny thing to do in reality but funny to share here.
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Ive not done this but to pull a prank at a party, shit into a towel and fire it into the dryer. Ya dont wanna get caught doing that. Its called a 'bomber'.
I'd murder the fucker behind that "prank".
yeah that'd be a big 10-4 buddy.......
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Just remembered another one so ha. I worked with a truly hot hippie french girl and she lived on pools land which im sure a couple of people on slap would know of. Anyway she relished in telling me how she took morning shits (in broad daylight) on this dudes bus doorstep/pallet who she was feudin out with. They never went out she just hated him for some reason. She seemed crazy and content. Witchy woman with revenge shits ha.
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do you look at the paper after you wipe?
don't you?
hey slap. what's the deal?
i used to do this when i first learned how to wipe. but then like several years later, i figured that there was no point in doing it anymore. a while ago this guy i know was talking about how he had to take a shit in a dark bathroom with no light on and how it was impossible for him because he couldn't look at the paper after he wiped. what do you need to look at the paper for? it's going to be shit every time.
how many of you look at the paper after wiping?
also, do you guys fold the paper when you wipe?
i just kind of roll it into a ball and wipe it like that.
also i read that some of you wipe standing up.
i personally wipe sitting down because that way my butt cheeks are spread out wider and there is easier access.
how do you guys wipe your butts?
this is proper technique
(https://i.imgur.com/1CTIWp0.jpg)
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yall stand or sit to wipe??
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yall stand or sit to wipe??
Lil both. Stand on the last one, make sure it’s taken care of.
Had a slice of red velvet cake for my wife’s bday yesterday. Shit red today. Scared me a bit.
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Having hemorrhoids sucks. Every shit is a 50 wiper.
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Having hemorrhoids sucks. Every shit is a 50 wiper.
.
Like you have to do 50 swipes? Chill out! That could be why your butts got hemorroids. Maybe take shits and use the shower head to clean up - no wipes for a bit, ya know?
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Having hemorrhoids sucks. Every shit is a 50 wiper.
Like you have to do 50 swipes? Chill out! That could be why your butts got hemorroids. Maybe take shits and use the shower head to clean up - no wipes for a bit, ya know?
You don't wipe your ass either? Go hang out in someone's yard until they call animal control. They'll clean you up a bit, give you your shots, and put you to sleep in 9 days.
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Having hemorrhoids sucks. Every shit is a 50 wiper.
Like you have to do 50 swipes? Chill out! That could be why your butts got hemorroids. Maybe take shits and use the shower head to clean up - no wipes for a bit, ya know?
You don't wipe your ass either? Go hang out in someone's yard until they call animal control. They'll clean you up a bit, give you your shots, and put you to sleep in 9 days.
Love the attention chief, thanks!
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Having hemorrhoids sucks. Every shit is a 50 wiper.
Like you have to do 50 swipes? Chill out! That could be why your butts got hemorroids. Maybe take shits and use the shower head to clean up - no wipes for a bit, ya know?
You don't wipe your ass either? Go hang out in someone's yard until they call animal control. They'll clean you up a bit, give you your shots, and put you to sleep in 9 days.
Love the attention chief, thanks!
You wanted it and you're gonna get it.
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Im gonna "get it" huh? Where are we going here? Ur last comedy bit^ ended with me dying at the hands of animal control(?) -thats dark a bit. Thats what i think we're getting to the essence of here man. Ur fuckin dad issues. -i dont want to bring that up- but ur a CUNT on here.
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Im gonna "get it" huh? Where are we going here? Ur last comedy bit^ ended with me dying at the hands of animal control(?) -thats dark a bit. Thats what i think we're getting to the essence of here man. Ur fuckin dad issues. -i dont want to bring that up- but ur a CUNT on here.
Please please please walk me through the thought process behind me equating you to a stray animal (because you're a moron who apparently doesn't wipe his ass) to how I must have issues with my father. I want to see if you can do it without losing yourself in your own corn maze of a donkey brain.
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Im gonna "get it" huh? Where are we going here? Ur last comedy bit^ ended with me dying at the hands of animal control(?) -thats dark a bit. Thats what i think we're getting to the essence of here man. Ur fuckin dad issues. -i dont want to bring that up- but ur a CUNT on here.
Please please please walk me through the thought process behind me equating you to a stray animal (because you're a moron who apparently doesn't wipe his ass) to how I must have issues with my father. I want to see if you can do it without losing yourself in your own corn maze of a donkey brain.
He is a cunt, rite?
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Im gonna "get it" huh? Where are we going here? Ur last comedy bit^ ended with me dying at the hands of animal control(?) -thats dark a bit. Thats what i think we're getting to the essence of here man. Ur fuckin dad issues. -i dont want to bring that up- but ur a CUNT on here.
Please please please walk me through the thought process behind me equating you to a stray animal (because you're a moron who apparently doesn't wipe his ass) to how I must have issues with my father. I want to see if you can do it without losing yourself in your own corn maze of a donkey brain.
Oh shit this one broke
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Im gonna "get it" huh? Where are we going here? Ur last comedy bit^ ended with me dying at the hands of animal control(?) -thats dark a bit. Thats what i think we're getting to the essence of here man. Ur fuckin dad issues. -i dont want to bring that up- but ur a CUNT on here.
COrn MaZe Of A DONkey bRaIn.
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Having hemorrhoids sucks. Every shit is a 50 wiper.
Like you have to do 50 swipes? Chill out! That could be why your butts got hemorroids. Maybe take shits and use the shower head to clean up - no wipes for a bit, ya know?
I use wet wipes most of the time and clean up in the shower when necessary. I still can't manage to get rid of them.
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Having hemorrhoids sucks. Every shit is a 50 wiper.
Like you have to do 50 swipes? Chill out! That could be why your butts got hemorroids. Maybe take shits and use the shower head to clean up - no wipes for a bit, ya know?
Prolly sound weird but try being nice to them. Just leave em be cept maybe a bit of some type of powder once and a bit to keep you un-chafed. I also heard that its good not to get red of face and be pushing out shits but rather taking ur time and by doing so, keeping them 'roids down in size. Ive had them too but they very rarely act up and have never bothered me i think cause i just keep it chill and forget about them.
Always good to monitor sugar consumption. Prolly related.
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Having hemorrhoids sucks. Every shit is a 50 wiper.
Like you have to do 50 swipes? Chill out! That could be why your butts got hemorroids. Maybe take shits and use the shower head to clean up - no wipes for a bit, ya know?
Always good to monitor sugar consumption. Prolly related.
When I'm eating a lot of fiber they seem to not act up as much as my shits come out fairly clean. I ran out of metamucil and they've gotten worse the past week. I had to buy some preparation h..
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https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ba8-Vjn2a8c
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Padless backside hole wipe 2 feet outta the bowl!! -thats my go to.
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Real talk though I enjoy a fancy lotion baby wipe to clean my butt. Yall can fuck with toilet paper if I could afford a bidet I would but since I can't baby wipes make it easier.
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Real talk though I enjoy a fancy lotion baby wipe to clean my butt. Yall can fuck with toilet paper if I could afford a bidet I would but since I can't baby wipes make it easier.
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That's gotta leave you a bit saucy though, right? Fuck all that. Can't do the sauce ass. Matter of fact, it's 1 pre-shower dump with a full wipe ( 2-6 units @ 3 -4 wraps around the left hand, transfer to right hand, index finger tucked safely under a couple layers, pop up on left ass-cheek, wipe until it runs clean, dismount, take 1 standing swipe for good measure). Followed by a nice scrub with a washcloth in the shower. I may even take 1 more swipe in the downstairs bathroom, before heading out the door, especially in the summer when it's humid. I'll go out of my way to avoid shitting at work or in public if I possibly can (drives my wife nuts). Always been that, probably always will.
Jail
I once saw a dude get straight punked (made him take all his clothes. off) and beat up over his wiping technique. It was pretty fucked up. I didn't see the wipe in question, but the gangbanger (these were both my cellies), got pissed that dude was "digging in his ass" (why he even noticed this is beyond me) and ran with the whole "faggot" narrative and just punked the dude out until he rolled up.
For me, it's Set up 2-4 units of TP first. Bedsheet lined between sink and door (covering window and blocking Cellie view). The substitute if this is not an option, is just cover your legs with a towel or sheet. Shirt off, pants pulled completely off of 1 leg, other leg pulled up. Shoes on, laced up, and ready. Start flushing just BEFORE the first turd is launched and keep flushing until the first wave is over. If there is a second wave coming, but it may take awhile to coax, go ahead and take a wipe now, to reduce smell AND be better prepped for an attack. Shit fast, wipe quick, and go. No long shits, and NO standers. Plenty of fools get rolled up for not knowing the "etiquette". Like brushing your teeth and spitting in the sink will most DEFINITELY get you chin checked in any county jail. Make sure you program with your race and only use the phones, showers, and toilets they use or you WILL get rolled THE FUCK up.
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Real talk though I enjoy a fancy lotion baby wipe to clean my butt. Yall can fuck with toilet paper if I could afford a bidet I would but since I can't baby wipes make it easier.
Home
That's gotta leave you a bit saucy though, right? Fuck all that. Can't do the sauce ass. Matter of fact, it's 1 pre-shower dump with a full wipe ( 2-6 units @ 3 -4 wraps around the left hand, transfer to right hand, index finger tucked safely under a couple layers, pop up on left ass-cheek, wipe until it runs clean, dismount, take 1 standing swipe for good measure). Followed by a nice scrub with a washcloth in the shower. I may even take 1 more swipe in the downstairs bathroom, before heading out the door, especially in the summer when it's humid. I'll go out of my way to avoid shitting at work or in public if I possibly can (drives my wife nuts). Always been that, probably always will.
Jail
I once saw a dude get straight punked (made him take all his clothes. off) and beat up over his wiping technique. It was pretty fucked up. I didn't see the wipe in question, but the gangbanger (these were both my cellies), got pissed that dude was "digging in his ass" (why he even noticed this is beyond me) and ran with the whole "faggot" narrative and just punked the dude out until he rolled up.
For me, it's Set up 2-4 units of TP first. Bedsheet lined between sink and door (covering window and blocking Cellie view). The substitute if this is not an option, is just cover your legs with a towel or sheet. Shirt off, pants pulled completely off of 1 leg, other leg pulled up. Shoes on, laced up, and ready. Start flushing just BEFORE the first turd is launched and keep flushing until the first wave is over. If there is a second wave coming, but it may take awhile to coax, go ahead and take a wipe now, to reduce smell AND be better prepped for an attack. Shit fast, wipe quick, and go. No long shits, and NO standers. Plenty of fools get rolled up for not knowing the "etiquette". Like brushing your teeth and spitting in the sink will most DEFINITELY get you chin checked in any county jail. Make sure you program with your race and only use the phones, showers, and toilets they use or you WILL get rolled THE FUCK up.
What did you go to jail for ? Get a one night stint for stealing a gas station hotdog?
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Real talk though I enjoy a fancy lotion baby wipe to clean my butt. Yall can fuck with toilet paper if I could afford a bidet I would but since I can't baby wipes make it easier.
Home
That's gotta leave you a bit saucy though, right? Fuck all that. Can't do the sauce ass. Matter of fact, it's 1 pre-shower dump with a full wipe ( 2-6 units @ 3 -4 wraps around the left hand, transfer to right hand, index finger tucked safely under a couple layers, pop up on left ass-cheek, wipe until it runs clean, dismount, take 1 standing swipe for good measure). Followed by a nice scrub with a washcloth in the shower. I may even take 1 more swipe in the downstairs bathroom, before heading out the door, especially in the summer when it's humid. I'll go out of my way to avoid shitting at work or in public if I possibly can (drives my wife nuts). Always been that, probably always will.
Jail
I once saw a dude get straight punked (made him take all his clothes. off) and beat up over his wiping technique. It was pretty fucked up. I didn't see the wipe in question, but the gangbanger (these were both my cellies), got pissed that dude was "digging in his ass" (why he even noticed this is beyond me) and ran with the whole "faggot" narrative and just punked the dude out until he rolled up.
For me, it's Set up 2-4 units of TP first. Bedsheet lined between sink and door (covering window and blocking Cellie view). The substitute if this is not an option, is just cover your legs with a towel or sheet. Shirt off, pants pulled completely off of 1 leg, other leg pulled up. Shoes on, laced up, and ready. Start flushing just BEFORE the first turd is launched and keep flushing until the first wave is over. If there is a second wave coming, but it may take awhile to coax, go ahead and take a wipe now, to reduce smell AND be better prepped for an attack. Shit fast, wipe quick, and go. No long shits, and NO standers. Plenty of fools get rolled up for not knowing the "etiquette". Like brushing your teeth and spitting in the sink will most DEFINITELY get you chin checked in any county jail. Make sure you program with your race and only use the phones, showers, and toilets they use or you WILL get rolled THE FUCK up.
What did you go to jail for ? Get a one night stint for stealing a gas station hotdog?
Nah, got busted pimping your Mom out.
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Expand Quote
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Real talk though I enjoy a fancy lotion baby wipe to clean my butt. Yall can fuck with toilet paper if I could afford a bidet I would but since I can't baby wipes make it easier.
Home
That's gotta leave you a bit saucy though, right? Fuck all that. Can't do the sauce ass. Matter of fact, it's 1 pre-shower dump with a full wipe ( 2-6 units @ 3 -4 wraps around the left hand, transfer to right hand, index finger tucked safely under a couple layers, pop up on left ass-cheek, wipe until it runs clean, dismount, take 1 standing swipe for good measure). Followed by a nice scrub with a washcloth in the shower. I may even take 1 more swipe in the downstairs bathroom, before heading out the door, especially in the summer when it's humid. I'll go out of my way to avoid shitting at work or in public if I possibly can (drives my wife nuts). Always been that, probably always will.
Jail
I once saw a dude get straight punked (made him take all his clothes. off) and beat up over his wiping technique. It was pretty fucked up. I didn't see the wipe in question, but the gangbanger (these were both my cellies), got pissed that dude was "digging in his ass" (why he even noticed this is beyond me) and ran with the whole "faggot" narrative and just punked the dude out until he rolled up.
For me, it's Set up 2-4 units of TP first. Bedsheet lined between sink and door (covering window and blocking Cellie view). The substitute if this is not an option, is just cover your legs with a towel or sheet. Shirt off, pants pulled completely off of 1 leg, other leg pulled up. Shoes on, laced up, and ready. Start flushing just BEFORE the first turd is launched and keep flushing until the first wave is over. If there is a second wave coming, but it may take awhile to coax, go ahead and take a wipe now, to reduce smell AND be better prepped for an attack. Shit fast, wipe quick, and go. No long shits, and NO standers. Plenty of fools get rolled up for not knowing the "etiquette". Like brushing your teeth and spitting in the sink will most DEFINITELY get you chin checked in any county jail. Make sure you program with your race and only use the phones, showers, and toilets they use or you WILL get rolled THE FUCK up.
What did you go to jail for ? Get a one night stint for stealing a gas station hotdog?
Nah, got busted pimping your Mom out.
Fixed
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Expand Quote
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Real talk though I enjoy a fancy lotion baby wipe to clean my butt. Yall can fuck with toilet paper if I could afford a bidet I would but since I can't baby wipes make it easier.
Home
That's gotta leave you a bit saucy though, right? Fuck all that. Can't do the sauce ass. Matter of fact, it's 1 pre-shower dump with a full wipe ( 2-6 units @ 3 -4 wraps around the left hand, transfer to right hand, index finger tucked safely under a couple layers, pop up on left ass-cheek, wipe until it runs clean, dismount, take 1 standing swipe for good measure). Followed by a nice scrub with a washcloth in the shower. I may even take 1 more swipe in the downstairs bathroom, before heading out the door, especially in the summer when it's humid. I'll go out of my way to avoid shitting at work or in public if I possibly can (drives my wife nuts). Always been that, probably always will.
Jail
I once saw a dude get straight punked (made him take all his clothes. off) and beat up over his wiping technique. It was pretty fucked up. I didn't see the wipe in question, but the gangbanger (these were both my cellies), got pissed that dude was "digging in his ass" (why he even noticed this is beyond me) and ran with the whole "faggot" narrative and just punked the dude out until he rolled up.
For me, it's Set up 2-4 units of TP first. Bedsheet lined between sink and door (covering window and blocking Cellie view). The substitute if this is not an option, is just cover your legs with a towel or sheet. Shirt off, pants pulled completely off of 1 leg, other leg pulled up. Shoes on, laced up, and ready. Start flushing just BEFORE the first turd is launched and keep flushing until the first wave is over. If there is a second wave coming, but it may take awhile to coax, go ahead and take a wipe now, to reduce smell AND be better prepped for an attack. Shit fast, wipe quick, and go. No long shits, and NO standers. Plenty of fools get rolled up for not knowing the "etiquette". Like brushing your teeth and spitting in the sink will most DEFINITELY get you chin checked in any county jail. Make sure you program with your race and only use the phones, showers, and toilets they use or you WILL get rolled THE FUCK up.
What did you go to jail for ? Get a one night stint for stealing a gas station hotdog?
Nah, got busted pimping your DDM's Baby Mama out.
Fixed 2.0
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Real talk though I enjoy a fancy lotion baby wipe to clean my butt. Yall can fuck with toilet paper if I could afford a bidet I would but since I can't baby wipes make it easier.
Home
That's gotta leave you a bit saucy though, right? Fuck all that. Can't do the sauce ass. Matter of fact, it's 1 pre-shower dump with a full wipe ( 2-6 units @ 3 -4 wraps around the left hand, transfer to right hand, index finger tucked safely under a couple layers, pop up on left ass-cheek, wipe until it runs clean, dismount, take 1 standing swipe for good measure). Followed by a nice scrub with a washcloth in the shower. I may even take 1 more swipe in the downstairs bathroom, before heading out the door, especially in the summer when it's humid. I'll go out of my way to avoid shitting at work or in public if I possibly can (drives my wife nuts). Always been that, probably always will.
Jail
I once saw a dude get straight punked (made him take all his clothes. off) and beat up over his wiping technique. It was pretty fucked up. I didn't see the wipe in question, but the gangbanger (these were both my cellies), got pissed that dude was "digging in his ass" (why he even noticed this is beyond me) and ran with the whole "faggot" narrative and just punked the dude out until he rolled up.
For me, it's Set up 2-4 units of TP first. Bedsheet lined between sink and door (covering window and blocking Cellie view). The substitute if this is not an option, is just cover your legs with a towel or sheet. Shirt off, pants pulled completely off of 1 leg, other leg pulled up. Shoes on, laced up, and ready. Start flushing just BEFORE the first turd is launched and keep flushing until the first wave is over. If there is a second wave coming, but it may take awhile to coax, go ahead and take a wipe now, to reduce smell AND be better prepped for an attack. Shit fast, wipe quick, and go. No long shits, and NO standers. Plenty of fools get rolled up for not knowing the "etiquette". Like brushing your teeth and spitting in the sink will most DEFINITELY get you chin checked in any county jail. Make sure you program with your race and only use the phones, showers, and toilets they use or you WILL get rolled THE FUCK up.
What did you go to jail for ? Get a one night stint for stealing a gas station hotdog?
Nah, got busted pimping your Mom out.
(https://media0.giphy.com/media/l1ug5sWBCJOOGzN84/giphy.gif)
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Real talk though I enjoy a fancy lotion baby wipe to clean my butt. Yall can fuck with toilet paper if I could afford a bidet I would but since I can't baby wipes make it easier.
Home
That's gotta leave you a bit saucy though, right? Fuck all that. Can't do the sauce ass. Matter of fact, it's 1 pre-shower dump with a full wipe ( 2-6 units @ 3 -4 wraps around the left hand, transfer to right hand, index finger tucked safely under a couple layers, pop up on left ass-cheek, wipe until it runs clean, dismount, take 1 standing swipe for good measure). Followed by a nice scrub with a washcloth in the shower. I may even take 1 more swipe in the downstairs bathroom, before heading out the door, especially in the summer when it's humid. I'll go out of my way to avoid shitting at work or in public if I possibly can (drives my wife nuts). Always been that, probably always will.
Jail
I once saw a dude get straight punked (made him take all his clothes. off) and beat up over his wiping technique. It was pretty fucked up. I didn't see the wipe in question, but the gangbanger (these were both my cellies), got pissed that dude was "digging in his ass" (why he even noticed this is beyond me) and ran with the whole "faggot" narrative and just punked the dude out until he rolled up.
For me, it's Set up 2-4 units of TP first. Bedsheet lined between sink and door (covering window and blocking Cellie view). The substitute if this is not an option, is just cover your legs with a towel or sheet. Shirt off, pants pulled completely off of 1 leg, other leg pulled up. Shoes on, laced up, and ready. Start flushing just BEFORE the first turd is launched and keep flushing until the first wave is over. If there is a second wave coming, but it may take awhile to coax, go ahead and take a wipe now, to reduce smell AND be better prepped for an attack. Shit fast, wipe quick, and go. No long shits, and NO standers. Plenty of fools get rolled up for not knowing the "etiquette". Like brushing your teeth and spitting in the sink will most DEFINITELY get you chin checked in any county jail. Make sure you program with your race and only use the phones, showers, and toilets they use or you WILL get rolled THE FUCK up.
What did you go to jail for ? Get a one night stint for stealing a gas station hotdog?
Nah, got busted pimping your Mom out.
(https://media0.giphy.com/media/l1ug5sWBCJOOGzN84/giphy.gif)
I know you are, but what am I? Nananananana!
Doc, seriously, why do you insist on CONSTANTLY engaging in this schoolyard buffoonery? Displaying your shockingly low IQ and PROVING how outclassed you are? Self-sabotage , much?
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I've invested in a hand held bum gun since visting Thailand. You can buy the kits for about 30 bucks on Amazon and it takes about 10 minutes to install. It's basically a sink sprayer for your ass. Best 30 bucks I've spent. You never have to wipe anything. Just pat dry. Shower clean. Wiping with paper is barbaric. This has made taking shits alot less stressful. I may have to upgrade to a heated bidet one day.
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I'm wet wipes or die. I got them at work too. My buddy once sent me a text like, isn't it weird that if you were to get shit on your hands you would use soap and water and clean them, but when you take a shit you just rub it off with paper? We found out that day that we were both wet wipes types.
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I'm wet wipes or die. I got them at work too. My buddy once sent me a text like, isn't it weird that if you were to get shit on your hands you would use soap and water and clean them, but when you take a shit you just rub it off with paper? We found out that day that we were both wet wipes types.
Yo, shitting at work is for the hardest dudes.
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I'm wet wipes or die. I got them at work too. My buddy once sent me a text like, isn't it weird that if you were to get shit on your hands you would use soap and water and clean them, but when you take a shit you just rub it off with paper? We found out that day that we were both wet wipes types.
Yo, shitting at work is for the hardest dudes.
Well my office only has one restroom, multiple stalls. The office is really clean and we have a full time custodian so the joint is usually sparkling. But there are a few requirements. I'm at work for 9 hours a day and my shit schedule seems to be 9am every day when the coffee kicks in.
1. Use the handicap stall. Fuck em. If someone in a wheelchair comes in just say sorry the stalls were full and you had to shit.
2. Use toilet paper on the seat instead of those stupid wax paper cowboy hats. Those things are worthless. Just cover it in a few strips of toilet paper.
3. Wet wipes.
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I'm wet wipes or die. I got them at work too. My buddy once sent me a text like, isn't it weird that if you were to get shit on your hands you would use soap and water and clean them, but when you take a shit you just rub it off with paper? We found out that day that we were both wet wipes types.
Yo, shitting at work is for the hardest dudes.
you shit at home, on your own time? fuck that im getting paid for my poops
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I'm wet wipes or die. I got them at work too. My buddy once sent me a text like, isn't it weird that if you were to get shit on your hands you would use soap and water and clean them, but when you take a shit you just rub it off with paper? We found out that day that we were both wet wipes types.
Yo, shitting at work is for the hardest dudes.
you shit at home, on your own time? fuck that im getting paid for my poops
This guy knows. My work is a hell hole that works us to death. It's become so insane that burnout has set in and I spend more time on my phone than working. They are fucking us hard right now, but I'm in a union so I would have way advance warning before I could get let go. I would get like 6 months to improve my work.
I actually got called in again this week to discuss why my work was behind. My boss is new, and hes a huge pussy so the meeting was quickly flipped around. He only called it because the higher ups are trying to scare everyone. All I had to say was my work is behind because they have us doing double the #'s that is in our job description so until the amount of work goes down it will continue to be late.
I know I'm speaking vaguely, I don't want to say too much about what I do. But that was like the magic word. Once I said that they can't do anything. They can't even document my performance needing improvement because they have us doing more than we are supposed to so the standards can't be applied to us.
Our bosses are all assholes and most people are afraid of them but I don't give a shit. I've done this shit forever and a family member who used to do what I do taught me all the technicalities so I know what I can get away with. The bosses hate me but the workers love me. It's very much and us versus them thing and I'm always gonna go with the underdogs.
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I'm wet wipes or die. I got them at work too. My buddy once sent me a text like, isn't it weird that if you were to get shit on your hands you would use soap and water and clean them, but when you take a shit you just rub it off with paper? We found out that day that we were both wet wipes types.
Yo, shitting at work is for the hardest dudes.
you shit at home, on your own time? fuck that im getting paid for my poops
I just can't relax in such a hostile environment... I need my privacy, my phone, my paper.
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I'm wet wipes or die. I got them at work too. My buddy once sent me a text like, isn't it weird that if you were to get shit on your hands you would use soap and water and clean them, but when you take a shit you just rub it off with paper? We found out that day that we were both wet wipes types.
Yo, shitting at work is for the hardest dudes.
1. Use the handicap stall. Fuck em. If someone in a wheelchair comes in just say sorry the stalls were full and you had to shit.
2. Use toilet paper on the seat instead of those stupid wax paper cowboy hats. Those things are worthless. Just cover it in a few strips of toilet paper.
3. Wet wipes.
I do that too but always fail to hold my cheeks apart (no friction if theres paper sliding all over) and usually end up with a cheek-turd-cheek sandwitch. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
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Bidet because I don't want to fuck up the plumbing in my house.
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yo also team wet wipes here. why would i want dingleberries to leave stains in my expensive designer underwear?
they come in nice smells, too, which is irrelevant but who knows, might be a plus someday.
i try to take shits at work as much as possible. going to the bathroom doesn't count as breaktime and when i just have to take three long shits because my body is weird like that, what are they going to do really?
of course it doesn't take me 15 minutes to take a dump, i just pretend and then lurk slap or whatever.
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yo also team wet wipes here. why would i want dingleberries to leave stains in my expensive designer underwear?
they come in nice smells, too, which is irrelevant but who knows, might be a plus someday.
i try to take shits at work as much as possible. going to the bathroom doesn't count as breaktime and when i just have to take three long shits because my body is weird like that, what are they going to do really?
of course it doesn't take me 15 minutes to take a dump, i just pretend and then lurk slap or whatever.
Wet wipes are the truth.
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Wet wipes may be dope but they're not biodegradable so you're fucking up the earth with that shit. Also, if you have a septic tank you're gonna regret using wet wipes eventually.
The whole world should be on bidets. Get it together people.
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Work has questionable 2-ply and I’ve recently haven’t been able to hold it (my stomach starts making noises). Noting compres to home.
Also, I don’t flush my TP and wipes I throw them out. Don’t want to clog any pipes.
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Work has questionable 2-ply and I’ve recently haven’t been able to hold it (my stomach starts making noises). Noting compres to home.
Also, I don’t flush my TP and wipes I throw them out. Don’t want to clog any pipes.
Where does your shitty TP go?
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I'm wet wipes or die. I got them at work too. My buddy once sent me a text like, isn't it weird that if you were to get shit on your hands you would use soap and water and clean them, but when you take a shit you just rub it off with paper? We found out that day that we were both wet wipes types.
Yo, shitting at work is for the hardest dudes.
you shit at home, on your own time? fuck that im getting paid for my poops
I just can't relax in such a hostile environment... I need my privacy, my phone, my paper.
I work on the road out of a fleet vehicle. I'm entirely reliant on shittying up the toilets of commercial customers, (god forbid) residential customers, or public restrooms. It is frequently less than ideal, however over years in the field, I've established a matrix of public restrooms in each city I work, like assassins safe houses spread out over two states. It is not for the faint of heart, or irritable of bowels.
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Work has questionable 2-ply and I’ve recently haven’t been able to hold it (my stomach starts making noises). Noting compres to home.
Also, I don’t flush my TP and wipes I throw them out. Don’t want to clog any pipes.
Where does your shitty TP go?
Bathroom tp that goes to a dumpster and eventually a landfill.
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Work has questionable 2-ply and I’ve recently haven’t been able to hold it (my stomach starts making noises). Noting compres to home.
Also, I don’t flush my TP and wipes I throw them out. Don’t want to clog any pipes.
Where does your shitty TP go?
Bathroom tp that goes to a dumpster and eventually a landfill.
So you take your shit TP ,walk the shitty TP to the kitchen dumpster or do you use the bathroom garbage can. Either way sounds gross, I just opened my bathroom garbage where I dump my wipes and that shit smells like terrible shit....not sure if I’m going to keep throwing these shit wipes away
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Work has questionable 2-ply and I’ve recently haven’t been able to hold it (my stomach starts making noises). Noting compres to home.
Also, I don’t flush my TP and wipes I throw them out. Don’t want to clog any pipes.
Where does your shitty TP go?
Bathroom tp that goes to a dumpster and eventually a landfill.
So you take your shit TP ,walk the shitty TP to the kitchen dumpster or do you use the bathroom garbage can. Either way sounds gross, I just opened my bathroom garbage where I dump my wipes and that shit smells like terrible shit....not sure if I’m going to keep throwing these shit wipes away
Toilet trash can, I’m not an animal. Yeah, it can get bad but I also spray or light a candle.
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Work has questionable 2-ply and I’ve recently haven’t been able to hold it (my stomach starts making noises). Noting compres to home.
Also, I don’t flush my TP and wipes I throw them out. Don’t want to clog any pipes.
Where does your shitty TP go?
Bathroom tp that goes to a dumpster and eventually a landfill.
So you take your shit TP ,walk the shitty TP to the kitchen dumpster or do you use the bathroom garbage can. Either way sounds gross, I just opened my bathroom garbage where I dump my wipes and that shit smells like terrible shit....not sure if I’m going to keep throwing these shit wipes away
Toilet trash can, I’m not an animal. Yeah, it can get bad but I also spray or light a candle.
You store shit in your bathroom? The fuck am I reading?
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Work has questionable 2-ply and I’ve recently haven’t been able to hold it (my stomach starts making noises). Noting compres to home.
Also, I don’t flush my TP and wipes I throw them out. Don’t want to clog any pipes.
Where does your shitty TP go?
Bathroom tp that goes to a dumpster and eventually a landfill.
So you take your shit TP ,walk the shitty TP to the kitchen dumpster or do you use the bathroom garbage can. Either way sounds gross, I just opened my bathroom garbage where I dump my wipes and that shit smells like terrible shit....not sure if I’m going to keep throwing these shit wipes away
Toilet trash can, I’m not an animal. Yeah, it can get bad but I also spray or light a candle.
You store shit in your bathroom? The fuck am I reading?
There is an episode of broad city about this very thing. Here is a bit of the synopsis.
"Abbi's toilet is blocked and the building's landlord, Fernando Hernandez, tells her that she should use a shitbucket - a separate garbage can that is used for toilet paper. The plumber says that the other residents of her apartment block use shitbuckets and that he grew up using one."
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5780874/
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Work has questionable 2-ply and I’ve recently haven’t been able to hold it (my stomach starts making noises). Noting compres to home.
Also, I don’t flush my TP and wipes I throw them out. Don’t want to clog any pipes.
Where does your shitty TP go?
Bathroom tp that goes to a dumpster and eventually a landfill.
So you take your shit TP ,walk the shitty TP to the kitchen dumpster or do you use the bathroom garbage can. Either way sounds gross, I just opened my bathroom garbage where I dump my wipes and that shit smells like terrible shit....not sure if I’m going to keep throwing these shit wipes away
Toilet trash can, I’m not an animal. Yeah, it can get bad but I also spray or light a candle.
You store shit in your bathroom? The fuck am I reading?
There is an episode of broad city about this very thing. Here is a bit of the synopsis.
"Abbi's toilet is blocked and the building's landlord, Fernando Hernandez, tells her that she should use a shitbucket - a separate garbage can that is used for toilet paper. The plumber says that the other residents of her apartment block use shitbuckets and that he grew up using one."
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5780874/
a container full of poopy paper just siting ttere festering. I hope i never experience one of these in real life
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Fuck that. I'd rather go live in a forrest than store shit next to my fucking tooth brush.
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I told all you fucks before, lightly wet your tp before you wipe and you'll be goddamn clean. Also invest in a bidet. Bidet attachments are only like 20 monies. If that ain't cutting it, grab a rag and wet it with soap and go to town on your sphincter. ;D
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I told all you fucks before, lightly wet your tp before you wipe and you'll be goddamn clean. Also invest in a bidet. Bidet attachments are only like 20 monies. If that ain't cutting it, grab a rag and wet it with soap and go to town on your sphincter. ;D
Yepp, there is tons of fun stuff to do with the old sphincter!
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Work has questionable 2-ply and I’ve recently haven’t been able to hold it (my stomach starts making noises). Noting compres to home.
Also, I don’t flush my TP and wipes I throw them out. Don’t want to clog any pipes.
Where does your shitty TP go?
Bathroom tp that goes to a dumpster and eventually a landfill.
So you take your shit TP ,walk the shitty TP to the kitchen dumpster or do you use the bathroom garbage can. Either way sounds gross, I just opened my bathroom garbage where I dump my wipes and that shit smells like terrible shit....not sure if I’m going to keep throwing these shit wipes away
Toilet trash can, I’m not an animal. Yeah, it can get bad but I also spray or light a candle.
You store shit in your bathroom? The fuck am I reading?
There is an episode of broad city about this very thing. Here is a bit of the synopsis.
"Abbi's toilet is blocked and the building's landlord, Fernando Hernandez, tells her that she should use a shitbucket - a separate garbage can that is used for toilet paper. The plumber says that the other residents of her apartment block use shitbuckets and that he grew up using one."
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5780874/
a container full of poopy paper just siting ttere festering. I hope i never experience one of these in real life
I know plumbers who say the wipes will clog your toilet....I bought those flushable wipes and they didnt get my ass clean even though i was able to flush
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I analyzed my shitting process this morning after my 2nd cup of coffee, and figured I would report in. It all seems fairly "normal" to Me. However I did realize that I do engage in a hard list to my portside when I am wiping. I also noticed I rush way to much. I do take the time to ensure a good wipe but the whole process overall seems rushed for some reason. It's just one more thing to work on other than heelflip variations.. oh well I guess.
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Bro... I finally learned to shit at work before my heavy deadlift/squat sessions! Good warm-up, too!
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i'm happy for you bro. a new life awaits. welcome to the fam!
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Also, I don’t flush my TP and wipes I throw them out. Don’t want to clog any pipes.
do you catch your poo before it hits the water too
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i'm happy for you bro. a new life awaits. welcome to the fam!
Thanks, bro!
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Also, I don’t flush my TP and wipes I throw them out. Don’t want to clog any pipes.
do you catch your poo before it hits the water too
Yo you shit in your hand bro
The part where she says you put your shit in the trash like a dog lmao
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gexjlM-jjEc
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Bonus with a bidet. Since people are losing their minds and buying up all the toilet paper because corona virus, you can make your tp last longer or if need be just use a wash cloth to dry your ass after rinsing your brown eye well.
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My mother in law is from SE asia and has been staying with us. I couldn't figure out why the bathroom always smelled like shit, and it was because she puts her shitty TP in the garbage. Had to have the wife talk to her. We got pipes and you aren't squatting over a hole, fucking flush it.
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My mother in law is from SE asia and has been staying with us. I couldn't figure out why the bathroom always smelled like shit, and it was because she puts her shitty TP in the garbage. Had to have the wife talk to her. We got pipes and you aren't squatting over a hole, fucking flush it.
Dude, my sister in law did this while visiting from the carribean and it drove me insane. I told my wife to confront her and she says, "She's doing it to save the planet and is offended you asked her to flush it".
Fuck the planet, flush your TP or GTFO.
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My mother in law is from SE asia and has been staying with us. I couldn't figure out why the bathroom always smelled like shit, and it was because she puts her shitty TP in the garbage. Had to have the wife talk to her. We got pipes and you aren't squatting over a hole, fucking flush it.
Dude, my sister in law did this while visiting from the carribean and it drove me insane. I told my wife to confront her and she says, "She's doing it to save the planet and is offended you asked her to flush it".
Fuck the planet, flush your TP or GTFO.
At least they dont come out like borat with the bag.
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My mother in law is from SE asia and has been staying with us. I couldn't figure out why the bathroom always smelled like shit, and it was because she puts her shitty TP in the garbage. Had to have the wife talk to her. We got pipes and you aren't squatting over a hole, fucking flush it.
Dude, my sister in law did this while visiting from the carribean and it drove me insane. I told my wife to confront her and she says, "She's doing it to save the planet and is offended you asked her to flush it".
Fuck the planet, flush your TP or GTFO.
Bag is better. Either do everything in the bag or everything in the bowl, none of that partial shit....
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Well....?
Why is this thread not popin'?
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i've seen articles popping up lately how we should have all been using bidets all along. so this is one conclusion to make out of a pandemic.
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My mother in law is from SE asia and has been staying with us. I couldn't figure out why the bathroom always smelled like shit, and it was because she puts her shitty TP in the garbage. Had to have the wife talk to her. We got pipes and you aren't squatting over a hole, fucking flush it.
I seen bogs in the Philippines and no shit there’s a plastic drum full of water and a fucking ladle. You pour the water down your back and it runs down to your arsehole.
I couldn’t do it
I do rate those squat bogs though, the shit just seems to fall out of my arse, no pushing required
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Installed a bidet at home and it takes some getting used to. It’s been nice but, shitting at work and they don’t have wet wipes and just dry wiping feels disgusting.
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Ah I tried wet wipes once but it hurt my butthole, I got real bad skin irritation.
What brand do you have?
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Ah I tried wet wipes once but it hurt my butthole, I got real bad skin irritation.
What brand do you have?
I used the Costco and Target brand baby wipes. Haven’t had any irritation.
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Installed a bidet at home and it takes some getting used to. It’s been nice but, shitting at work and they don’t have wet wipes and just dry wiping feels disgusting.
Bidets are were it's at. Had it on my list of things to buy before the pandemic and as soon as the TP situation started happening, I bought one from Home Depot. Love it. Cheers on that.
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Ah I tried wet wipes once but it hurt my butthole, I got real bad skin irritation.
What brand do you have?
Those are great but also recommended Charmin brand wipes from Target. If you're on a budget, try the wipes from Aldi, if you have one if your area.
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I get my dog to do it.
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Maybe it’s my ass, I can’t find anything in Australia that works for me. That’s a lie I uh get no irritation using the wet wipes you get from nene chicken but if I go there on the regs I’ll get real fat
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you ever go to sit and the toilet seats up and you fall in a little bit . it’s a terrible feeling
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Sometimes in park toilets they remove the
seat. I figure it’s for heads on dope - get too comfy they might nod off on the shitter
You seen those bogs in Paris where the toilet retracts into the wall and the whole cubicle steam cleans itself after each punter
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Bro... Yesterday I took a dump in a gross, nasty gym bath room. Would rather not to, but it was heavy squat and deadlift day so..
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Installed a bidet at home and it takes some getting used to. It’s been nice but, shitting at work and they don’t have wet wipes and just dry wiping feels disgusting.
Bidets are were it's at. Had it on my list of things to buy before the pandemic and as soon as the TP situation started happening, I bought one from Home Depot. Love it. Cheers on that.
I am also now forced to roll into the bidet market and have been researching the topic heavily. May I ask you two gentlemen which brand and type of bidet you opted for? Was it a bidet attachment? Bidet seat? Handheld bidet? Or are you big spenders who could afford to install a whole new Toto Bidet toilet?
I am forced to go the non-electric bidet route due to a lack of electrical outlets in my apt's bathroom....
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Double ply. Four squares. Until it looks like the previous wipe was sufficient. Wash that shit good in the shower everyday. I’m 46 but i only got like 3 hairs on my back so no jungle back there or nothin’.
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i like to weigh myself after i poop to see how heavy said poop was .. typing this while pooping .. will edit soon
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i like to weigh myself after i poop to see how heavy said poop was .. typing this while pooping .. will edit soon
Fuck yes! I like to guess the difference too! Such a fun little game..keep us posted
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it’s a catch 22 that you have to wipe to know it could’ve been a non wiper
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it’s a catch 22 that you have to wipe to know it could’ve been a non wiper
Good point..Have you had any drastic before/after weight differences?
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its not wiping, but, if any y'all don't know the trick to stop dick leak after taking a leak, I learned recently and will share.
After pissing, press up under the ballsack, the perineum, and any leftover piss that might normally leak down your pant leg or leave a piss mark, either shoots right out into the can or gets sucked back in. No more shaking and still leaking. As a commando, this shit has been a game changer.
shalom
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Whoa
I’m trying it
Bummed, I already got up and pissed but yeah I am back in bed and I can feel a little bit of piss on my leg
Soo keen to try it
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Whoa
I’m trying it
Bummed, I already got up and pissed but yeah I am back in bed and I can feel a little bit of piss on my leg
Soo keen to try it
ya dawg. piss on the leg sucks. I was taking a supplement last year that turned my piss yellow/orange and it definitely stained a few pairs of light colored pants. I stopped those vitamins but this trick has been the shit. no more piss leg in bed means doing less laundry too. all around victory
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real confession: i sit to pee at home
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i sit to pee like 70% of the time cmon man its 2021
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its not wiping, but, if any y'all don't know the trick to stop dick leak after taking a leak, I learned recently and will share.
After pissing, press up under the ballsack, the perineum, and any leftover piss that might normally leak down your pant leg or leave a piss mark, either shoots right out into the can or gets sucked back in. No more shaking and still leaking. As a commando, this shit has been a game changer.
shalom
holy shit, i cannot wait to try this! this is the bane of my existence and i never knew if everybody was dealing with this or if my piss zone was broken. i've been having to dab myself dry with toilet paper which just makes me feel like i don't know how to piss. i hope this is works.
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How do you think Brink wipes his butt? With candles?
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How do you think Brink wipes his butt? With candles?
over zoom with him sending $50 on cash app :D
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Brink had intially responded to that inquiry.
It read "TP then wet wipes, if you must know". I'm sure he accidentally left out the Zoom part.
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I just want to say , about 10-15 years ago, this thread genuinely changed my perception of ass wiping, and I am forever in a debt of gratitude
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Always front to back. Always check if the paper is clean before you pull your pants up
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Always front to back. Always check if the paper is clean before you pull your pants up
Yes, solid basics.
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its not wiping, but, if any y'all don't know the trick to stop dick leak after taking a leak, I learned recently and will share.
After pissing, press up under the ballsack, the perineum, and any leftover piss that might normally leak down your pant leg or leave a piss mark, either shoots right out into the can or gets sucked back in. No more shaking and still leaking. As a commando, this shit has been a game changer.
shalom
holy shit, i cannot wait to try this! this is the bane of my existence and i never knew if everybody was dealing with this or if my piss zone was broken. i've been having to dab myself dry with toilet paper which just makes me feel like i don't know how to piss. i hope this is works.
Did it work??? I'm also trying this next time i pee and will give you guys an update
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its not wiping, but, if any y'all don't know the trick to stop dick leak after taking a leak, I learned recently and will share.
After pissing, press up under the ballsack, the perineum, and any leftover piss that might normally leak down your pant leg or leave a piss mark, either shoots right out into the can or gets sucked back in. No more shaking and still leaking. As a commando, this shit has been a game changer.
shalom
holy shit, i cannot wait to try this! this is the bane of my existence and i never knew if everybody was dealing with this or if my piss zone was broken. i've been having to dab myself dry with toilet paper which just makes me feel like i don't know how to piss. i hope this is works.
Did it work??? I'm also trying this next time i pee and will give you guys an update
I tried
No luck
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its not wiping, but, if any y'all don't know the trick to stop dick leak after taking a leak, I learned recently and will share.
After pissing, press up under the ballsack, the perineum, and any leftover piss that might normally leak down your pant leg or leave a piss mark, either shoots right out into the can or gets sucked back in. No more shaking and still leaking. As a commando, this shit has been a game changer.
shalom
holy shit, i cannot wait to try this! this is the bane of my existence and i never knew if everybody was dealing with this or if my piss zone was broken. i've been having to dab myself dry with toilet paper which just makes me feel like i don't know how to piss. i hope this is works.
Did it work??? I'm also trying this next time i pee and will give you guys an update
No luck
Same here
We need more instructions
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Like directly under your balls in the middle of between your legs, if you feel around up there you’ll feel like a tube or something the piss must go through this tube, anyway you’ll know when you touch it cause it feels funny like a nerve or something
Anyway just push on that, it definitely works I tried it the other day
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Like directly under your balls in the middle of between your legs, if you feel around up there you’ll feel like a tube or something the piss must go through this tube, anyway you’ll know when you touch it cause it feels funny like a nerve or something
Anyway just push on that, it definitely works I tried it the other day
it for sure works, like not the same every time, but definetly helps draining the lizard.
to quote the great neen williams:
figure it out.
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Like directly under your balls in the middle of between your legs, if you feel around up there you’ll feel like a tube or something the piss must go through this tube, anyway you’ll know when you touch it cause it feels funny like a nerve or something
Anyway just push on that, it definitely works I tried it the other day
it for sure works, like not the same every time, but definetly helps draining the lizard.
to quote the great neen williams:
figure it out.
wasn't about to explain it further. thank you. ha ha ha push up and 1 shake.
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So I’m guessing some people don’t have this issue what’s the go you guys reckon if I do boy kegels it might go away on its own? Sounds right, anyway?
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So I’m guessing some people don’t have this issue what’s the go you guys reckon if I do boy kegels it might go away on its own? Sounds right, anyway?
Sounds right.
I should too.
I mean, shit, you can do them anywhere; so why not?!
Also, I was trying to get on the regimen of pausing the piss after I start and still have a lot in there for a 5 count at least and try to do that 2-3 times in one piss; that helps strengthen too, or so I convinced myself.
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Posting in an important thread.
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Posting in an important thread.
Thank you for your service!
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i just wiped my butt very successfully.
my setup:
toilet(seat down)
store brand premium 4-layered for the pre-wipe, love how solid, yet soft these feel.
tempo flushable wet wipes pink special edition, very soft, very clean. pack comes with an actual hard lid so you can close it properly and prevent drying out. awesome.
my ass feels like it's been licked clean by the hottest chicks after they chewed on rose and lavender petals. so sick.
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Like directly under your balls in the middle of between your legs, if you feel around up there you’ll feel like a tube or something the piss must go through this tube, anyway you’ll know when you touch it cause it feels funny like a nerve or something
Anyway just push on that, it definitely works I tried it the other day
After I thought I was done having a piss in my backyard, I just gave a push with my finger over my jeans in the general area and was pleased with the additional squirt of piss that shot out. Y'all are fucking piss geniuses.
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Wish everybody good shitting.
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THANKS, G. i enjoy shitting at home while remote working.
otherwise, i'm concerned about wasting my own resources.
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I just ound out one of my good friends is a stand up wiper and I dont think ill ever see him in the same light again. weird cunt
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I just ound out one of my good friends is a stand up wiper and I dont think ill ever see him in the same light again. weird cunt
It’s all about the angles man.
Most of the job gets done sitting down, and a few more wipes standing to make sure you got it all…
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I always say a little prayer pre-wipe which goes:
Hallowed be thy name, God, who formed human beings with wisdom and created them with openings and hollows. If one of these openings were ruptured or one of them sealed. It would be impossible to stand before You and survive. Blessed are You, God who heals all flesh and acts wondrously.
The LORD shall strike down any man who ruptures his openings and hollows before His throne.
Then wipe.
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bathroom prayer
Thank you Lord for letting me go to
The bath room,
I pray you deliver my shit Thru
the Pipe
so it can be of use to an animal
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Never thought I would post in this thread, but you might pray that some future archaeologist might find your shit interesting (and probably also your wiping habits):
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2021/10/211013114028.htm (https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2021/10/211013114028.htm)
https://www.theguardian.com/science/2021/oct/14/sophisticated-ancient-faeces-shows-humans-enjoyed-beer-and-blue-cheese-2700-years-ago (https://www.theguardian.com/science/2021/oct/14/sophisticated-ancient-faeces-shows-humans-enjoyed-beer-and-blue-cheese-2700-years-ago)
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sophisticated ancient feces is a pretty good name for a very shitty band
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Any tips for not busting a nut soo soon penis genius’?
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Any tips for not busting a nut soo soon penis genius’?
Don't stick a finger up your ass when you wipe.
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My ass recently switched from 24/7 coffee shits to solid loafs. I now look down at the toilet with pride after each load. My coffee intake remains excessive and I do not know what to attribute this stool improvement to. Anyways, it’s good to be back down to two sheets per wipe.
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My ass recently switched from 24/7 coffee shits to solid loafs. I now look down at the toilet with pride after each load. My coffee intake remains excessive and I do not know what to attribute this stool improvement to. Anyways, it’s good to be back down to two sheets per wipe.
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My ass recently switched from 24/7 coffee shits to solid loafs. I now look down at the toilet with pride after each load. My coffee intake remains excessive and I do not know what to attribute this stool improvement to. Anyways, it’s good to be back down to two sheets per wipe.
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I immediately installed a bidet in my new apartment. I'm kind of bummed because the stream is to weak and I can't make it stronger. Either I get used to it or I gotta buy and install a different one. It's still infinitely better than dry tp.
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My ass recently switched from 24/7 coffee shits to solid loafs. I now look down at the toilet with pride after each load. My coffee intake remains excessive and I do not know what to attribute this stool improvement to. Anyways, it’s good to be back down to two sheets per wipe.
probably added fiber to your diet without knowing?
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You’re probably right about the fiber. I should’ve started eating apples a while ago. A weak bidet stream sounds like a bummer L33t but glad it’s better than tp. I want to try one this new year.
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I immediately installed a bidet in my new apartment. I'm kind of bummed because the stream is to weak and I can't make it stronger. Either I get used to it or I gotta buy and install a different one. It's still infinitely better than dry tp.
Huh, it's odd. Installed a bidet in all six of the apartments we've had. Weak water pressure was never an issue. Probably a stupid question, but is the shutoff valve fully opened? Also, are the little plastic flow restrictors in the hoses facing the correct way? What is the brand of the Bidet?
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I immediately installed a bidet in my new apartment. I'm kind of bummed because the stream is to weak and I can't make it stronger. Either I get used to it or I gotta buy and install a different one. It's still infinitely better than dry tp.
Huh, it's odd. Installed a bidet in all six of the apartments we've had. Weak water pressure was never an issue. Probably a stupid question, but is the shutoff valve fully opened? Also, are the little plastic flow restrictors in the hoses facing the correct way? What is the brand of the Bidet?
Everything is cool. It's not like it's just dribbling water. It's just less pressure than my last one. It also could be the brand. I mean, I only spent $20 on it. I'm gonna keep running it because it's not a real problem.
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I immediately installed a bidet in my new apartment. I'm kind of bummed because the stream is to weak and I can't make it stronger. Either I get used to it or I gotta buy and install a different one. It's still infinitely better than dry tp.
Big up for the bidet.
As a bidet fan I had my fair share of weak streams.
Most of the times I just had to press my thumb against the faucet.
Smaller cross section = higher velocity and yada yada.
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I immediately installed a bidet in my new apartment. I'm kind of bummed because the stream is to weak and I can't make it stronger. Either I get used to it or I gotta buy and install a different one. It's still infinitely better than dry tp.
Big up for the bidet.
As a bidet fan I had my fair share of weak streams.
Most of the times I just had to press my thumb against the faucet.
Smaller cross section = higher velocity and yada yada.
At my current location the stream is strong, biblically so. I don't want to name any names @Freelancevagrant but I hear tell you can give yourself an enema with enough practice. Haven't had satisfaction yet, perhaps there's a technique. May be beneficial to lighten up before a session to shave some precious grams, seeing as people willingly shell out 40 extra dollars for Thunder Ti's when it only saves 16 grams (for both trucks) over the hollows.
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Life hack: you can use hollow axles
to smoke weed as adaptors to increase the stream pressure of your bidet.
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This has probably been discussed ad nauseam, but regardless... I've recently been informed by a close friend that wiping with your arm between your legs is a massive faux pas. Thoughts?
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This has probably been discussed ad nauseam, but regardless... I've recently been informed by a close friend that wiping with your arm between your legs is a massive faux pas. Thoughts?
I do it both ways each time.
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I immediately installed a bidet in my new apartment. I'm kind of bummed because the stream is to weak and I can't make it stronger. Either I get used to it or I gotta buy and install a different one. It's still infinitely better than dry tp.
Big up for the bidet.
As a bidet fan I had my fair share of weak streams.
Most of the times I just had to press my thumb against the faucet.
Smaller cross section = higher velocity and yada yada.
At my current location the stream is strong, biblically so. I don't want to name any names @Freelancevagrant but I hear tell you can give yourself an enema with enough practice. Haven't had satisfaction yet, perhaps there's a technique. May be beneficial to lighten up before a session to shave some precious grams, seeing as people willingly shell out 40 extra dollars for Thunder Ti's when it only saves 16 grams (for both trucks) over the hollows.
Thats not true, at least not for 148 and 149. 148 tits are ~310g, hollow lights are around 330. Almost the same for 149. Might be less of a difference with 147, I had a single tit of those but never paired it and now I can't find it.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/16ChbdKVD-6Qm3zTeYdh7qAlVyhdog6PC/view?usp=drivesdk
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Y92XL6qGT4mJ67IdzbaeVtJPsp2kkqDe/view?usp=drivesdk
(I have an album full of these for most of the trucks in my collection but it's incomplete and not labeled so unless you know what model everything is it's kinda useless)
It is true that the majority of the weight savings in most trucks comes from the forged plates which I assume is down to being able to less material and achieve the same strength. Really though as long as it's between 310-340 it feels more or less the same to me weight wise. The only stuff that's super noticeable on a trick to trick basis are mag lights and Ti-hangers. Anyone obsessed with weight should really just get mag lights, Tensor won that game a long time ago.
I know this isn't the right forum or section but that's one of those oddly specific questions that I happen to have a way too detailed answer to haha.
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I immediately installed a bidet in my new apartment. I'm kind of bummed because the stream is to weak and I can't make it stronger. Either I get used to it or I gotta buy and install a different one. It's still infinitely better than dry tp.
Big up for the bidet.
As a bidet fan I had my fair share of weak streams.
Most of the times I just had to press my thumb against the faucet.
Smaller cross section = higher velocity and yada yada.
At my current location the stream is strong, biblically so. I don't want to name any names @Freelancevagrant but I hear tell you can give yourself an enema with enough practice. Haven't had satisfaction yet, perhaps there's a technique. May be beneficial to lighten up before a session to shave some precious grams, seeing as people willingly shell out 40 extra dollars for Thunder Ti's when it only saves 16 grams (for both trucks) over the hollows.
Thats not true, at least not for 148 and 149. 148 tits are ~310g, hollow lights are around 330. Almost the same for 149. Might be less of a difference with 147, I had a single tit of those but never paired it and now I can't find it.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/16ChbdKVD-6Qm3zTeYdh7qAlVyhdog6PC/view?usp=drivesdk
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Y92XL6qGT4mJ67IdzbaeVtJPsp2kkqDe/view?usp=drivesdk
(I have an album full of these for most of the trucks in my collection but it's incomplete and not labeled so unless you know what model everything is it's kinda useless)
It is true that the majority of the weight savings in most trucks comes from the forged plates which I assume is down to being able to less material and achieve the same strength. Really though as long as it's between 310-340 it feels more or less the same to me weight wise. The only stuff that's super noticeable on a trick to trick basis are mag lights and Ti-hangers. Anyone obsessed with weight should really just get mag lights, Tensor won that game a long time ago.
I know this isn't the right forum or section but that's one of those oddly specific questions that I happen to have a way too detailed answer to haha.
Ah, my titanium 149's Thunders started out at 335 and 332, which is often more than the hollows. I don't know why, as the axles are defiantly titanium. The baseplates both weigh 70 grams, so the extra meat must be on the hanger.
When comparing weights I went with Skatewarehouse as a source, their chart has since link rotted, so the next best is tactics:
Hollows:
(https://i.imgur.com/uZhqLy9l.png)
Ti:
(https://i.imgur.com/1rFR8Ywl.png)
The difference is 11.8 grams. Even less than we both thought, but that's just with the trucks they weighed. I guess it comes down to luck of the draw. :-\
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Wait, I just realize that’s only for one truck, holy shit I need a new brain. My bad.
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I immediately installed a bidet in my new apartment. I'm kind of bummed because the stream is to weak and I can't make it stronger. Either I get used to it or I gotta buy and install a different one. It's still infinitely better than dry tp.
Big up for the bidet.
As a bidet fan I had my fair share of weak streams.
Most of the times I just had to press my thumb against the faucet.
Smaller cross section = higher velocity and yada yada.
At my current location the stream is strong, biblically so. I don't want to name any names @Freelancevagrant but I hear tell you can give yourself an enema with enough practice. Haven't had satisfaction yet, perhaps there's a technique. May be beneficial to lighten up before a session to shave some precious grams, seeing as people willingly shell out 40 extra dollars for Thunder Ti's when it only saves 16 grams (for both trucks) over the hollows.
Thats not true, at least not for 148 and 149. 148 tits are ~310g, hollow lights are around 330. Almost the same for 149. Might be less of a difference with 147, I had a single tit of those but never paired it and now I can't find it.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/16ChbdKVD-6Qm3zTeYdh7qAlVyhdog6PC/view?usp=drivesdk
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Y92XL6qGT4mJ67IdzbaeVtJPsp2kkqDe/view?usp=drivesdk
(I have an album full of these for most of the trucks in my collection but it's incomplete and not labeled so unless you know what model everything is it's kinda useless)
It is true that the majority of the weight savings in most trucks comes from the forged plates which I assume is down to being able to less material and achieve the same strength. Really though as long as it's between 310-340 it feels more or less the same to me weight wise. The only stuff that's super noticeable on a trick to trick basis are mag lights and Ti-hangers. Anyone obsessed with weight should really just get mag lights, Tensor won that game a long time ago.
I know this isn't the right forum or section but that's one of those oddly specific questions that I happen to have a way too detailed answer to haha.
Ah, my titanium 149's Thunders started out at 335 and 332, which is often more than the hollows. I don't know why, as the axles are defiantly titanium. The baseplates both weigh 70 grams, so the extra meat must be on the hanger.
When comparing weights I went with Skatewarehouse as a source, their chart has since link rotted, so the next best is tactics:
Hollows:
(https://i.imgur.com/uZhqLy9l.png)
Ti:
(https://i.imgur.com/1rFR8Ywl.png)
The difference is 11.8 grams. Even less than we both thought, but that's just with the trucks they weighed. I guess it comes down to luck of the draw. :-\
Are they forged baseplates or did you get some kind of team titanium with cast plates? The difference on thunders is around 19-20g per plate so they should be around 335 with cast plates. For what it's worth my 149 tits were 315 out of the box.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Ezu4mxk9zGQyxkTL7YsiSVOBj6osy20V/view?usp=drivesdk
Tactics is off on a lot of their measurements and not just trucks, ditto SW. Always best to check yourself if you're able, but really it's pretty negligible with trucks and mostly marketing. I have my doubts that most people would be able to even tell the difference until you get over an ounce in savings... Also your deck weighs like twice as much as your trucks so you can actually save a lot more weight changing that out.
I did find a pic ofcthe 147 tits and they're 285g. Im looking for a set of hollows but I'm not sure if I ever had them in 147. Standards are 337 though.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1VqWfglT3qR52LuS1EaBf44fhyWa3nh_6/view?usp=drivesdk
Heres the album if you get bored and want to compare, but like I said Its not really labeled so I'm not sure how useful it will be. If you ever have a request or there's something obscure you're curious about feel free to ask, there might even some navigators and titans buried in there somewhere haha
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1UTvajxKIpRwgNYgB3dAZvoYt5d_tolmn
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i go skiing position to wipe. not shoving my hand down the bog, fuck dat. cross contamination if my hand touches the bowl or seat
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i go skiing position to wipe. not shoving my hand down the bog, fuck dat
Team Ski !!!
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i go skiing position to wipe. not shoving my hand down the bog, fuck dat
Team Ski !!!
peace and fucking 8)
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Would y'all suggest Mob or Jessup?
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i dont wipe my butt i hose it down with my bidet
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YES bidets, just tried one for the first time a couple months at an Airbnb. I was actually terrified to feel the water hit my butthole and I definitely jumped a little the first few times I used it, but after going back to my bidet-less home and using paper again, I must say I miss it terribly.
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Your supposed to use three fingers. Move your thumb out the way. Wipe Up, down, sideways maybe.
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when i wipe my butt, i grabs a wad of toilet paper, fold it but NOT TOO SMALL so i dont get shit on my hands. then i wipe, then flush, etc etc :P :P
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I've been considering a bidet for my apartment although I've heard horror stories about them causing a flood. I have people living below me so that would be very lame.
I do have one of these bad boys which is great for really getting in there and pressure washing the bhole but it's not an every shit solution.
(https://www.rvautoparts.com/assets/images/92181%20FuryRV_HH_CH_08.jpg)
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what's the consensus on baby wipes here? personally if i'm shitting and have access to them i will most certainly use them to ensure that my chocolate starfish is spotless before abdicating the porcelain throne.
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what's the consensus on baby wipes here? personally if i'm shitting and have access to them i will most certainly use them to ensure that my chocolate starfish is spotless before abdicating the porcelain throne.
Yes! TP, baby wipes and then some TP again to have it dry... I hate the feeling of cleaning with wipes and then put my boxers on
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what's the consensus on baby wipes here? personally if i'm shitting and have access to them i will most certainly use them to ensure that my chocolate starfish is spotless before abdicating the porcelain throne.
That smell is too weird and it’s supposedly bad to flush them. If I need to, I do a 2-minute shower focusing on ass/genitals and a quick clean of the armpits. If I’m just staying in, I’m satisfied with Charmin. I had some Angel Soft, since it was on sale, and those ridges tore up my butthole.
Anyone use environmentally friendly toilet paper that doesn’t feel like getting banged by Paper Mario?
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what's the consensus on baby wipes here? personally if i'm shitting and have access to them i will most certainly use them to ensure that my chocolate starfish is spotless before abdicating the porcelain throne.
Baby wipes are awful. Me and my girl used them to wipe my son's ass whenever we changed diapers.
I usually put them in the diaper and then threw the diaper in a bin, but my girl flushed them down.
After some time we were experiencing some very bad issues when we tried to flush our toilet.
It got so bad that once my chocolate warhead that I dropped in there came flushing up in the shower since both drainage systems of the toilet and the shower were connected.
Turns out something was clogging up our sewage pipes.
I was at work when my girl called the sewer cleaners and they unclogged they sewage pipes using something like a powerwash hose.
When they checked on what had caused the sewage lines to clog up, they just found a ball of babywipes and some used condoms followed soon after.
So, she stood there completely embarrassed when they found the evidence. We both learned our lessons: Don't flush down babywipe. And after a successful mount, just throw the rubber in the bin.
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I've been considering a bidet for my apartment although I've heard horror stories about them causing a flood. I have people living below me so that would be very lame.
I do have one of these bad boys which is great for really getting in there and pressure washing the bhole but it's not an every shit solution.
(https://www.rvautoparts.com/assets/images/92181%20FuryRV_HH_CH_08.jpg)
Bum gun!
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Squatty potties are the shit
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what's the worst thing y'all have used to replace toilet paper when you don't have any? the furthest I've gone in searching for a suitable supplement is a paper towel, but thats not too bad. just feels like slightly grittier single ply
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what's the worst thing y'all have used to replace toilet paper when you don't have any? the furthest I've gone in searching for a suitable supplement is a paper towel, but thats not too bad. just feels like slightly grittier single ply
Once I was shitting in the mountains and I had no tp but luckily I had a couple of used boxers in the trunk of my car... wiped with 'em and left them there
Not the worst thing but probably the only reason I used something other than tp
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One time I shit in a bucket and my mum found it
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I’m sure you can stock up on masks from the clearance section of your favorite board company.
Soft material too.
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I’m sure you can stock up on masks from the clearance section of your favorite board company.
Soft material too.
A year or so ago I was working in an office that had some issues with the locals so the bathrooms were locked with a code. I was walking up the stairs and discovered someone had pooped on the floor and looks to have wiped using a mask which was left perched on top of the excrement. I still have pictures somewhere.
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I’m sure you can stock up on masks from the clearance section of your favorite board company.
Soft material too.
A year or so ago I was working in an office that had some issues with the locals so the bathrooms were locked with a code. I was walking up the stairs and discovered someone had pooped on the floor and looks to have wiped using a mask which was left perched on top of the excrement. I still have pictures somewhere.
Lemme guess… Bay Area?
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I’m sure you can stock up on masks from the clearance section of your favorite board company.
Soft material too.
A year or so ago I was working in an office that had some issues with the locals so the bathrooms were locked with a code. I was walking up the stairs and discovered someone had pooped on the floor and looks to have wiped using a mask which was left perched on top of the excrement. I still have pictures somewhere.
Lemme guess… Bay Area?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_7cvlPEJAA
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what's the worst thing y'all have used to replace toilet paper when you don't have any? the furthest I've gone in searching for a suitable supplement is a paper towel, but thats not too bad. just feels like slightly grittier single ply
I once had to use the actual toilet roll, can’t remember if it was at someone’s place or a public toilet, I got the initial wipe done with the last of the roll before noticing I had no backup.
I was smart about it though, tore it into little strips then kinda mashed it back together to make it softer. It got the job done without too much fuss.
Sure I could’ve used a sock, but I’m not sacrificing my socks for that, I love my socks.
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I pride myself in being prepared and I remember the disappointment I felt using kleenex which I had been carrying around for months in my skate bag…….
Sometimes too soft doesn’t work……
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I used to carry around the accessory pack from an MRE which includes a packet of toilet paper and other useful items. Definitely came in handy once or twice.
(https://i.ytimg.com/vi/KadHVodm9mw/maxresdefault.jpg)
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I bought two bidets. The first one had temperature control but the sink line was blocked by cabinet shit. I put that downstairs and got a cold water one that just splits the water line into bidet/toilet bowl. You aren’t getting toilet bowl water:
LUXE Bidet NEO 120 - Self Cleaning Nozzle - Fresh Water Non-Electric Bidet Toilet Attachment (Blue) https://a.co/d/cj4Ld4W
They’re under $40, so it’s worth it. A medication was making me vomit/shit so much that I was bleeding from both ends. I got it because I thought I was wiping too hard, which wasn’t the case. At least, I’m saving on toilet paper now.
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I bought two bidets. The first one had temperature control but the sink line was blocked by cabinet shit. I put that downstairs and got a cold water one that just splits the water line into bidet/toilet bowl. You aren’t getting toilet bowl water:
LUXE Bidet NEO 120 - Self Cleaning Nozzle - Fresh Water Non-Electric Bidet Toilet Attachment (Blue) https://a.co/d/cj4Ld4W
They’re under $40, so it’s worth it. A medication was making me vomit/shit so much that I was bleeding from both ends. I got it because I thought I was wiping too hard, which wasn’t the case. At least, I’m saving on toilet paper now.
down bad for this to elevate my butt crack hygiene to unseen levels.
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I bought two bidets. The first one had temperature control but the sink line was blocked by cabinet shit. I put that downstairs and got a cold water one that just splits the water line into bidet/toilet bowl. You aren’t getting toilet bowl water:
LUXE Bidet NEO 120 - Self Cleaning Nozzle - Fresh Water Non-Electric Bidet Toilet Attachment (Blue) https://a.co/d/cj4Ld4W
They’re under $40, so it’s worth it. A medication was making me vomit/shit so much that I was bleeding from both ends. I got it because I thought I was wiping too hard, which wasn’t the case. At least, I’m saving on toilet paper now.
down bad for this to elevate my butt crack hygiene to unseen levels.
I've wanted a bidet for a while but the recent south park episode pushed me over the edge. Hello Tushy had a Two pack deal with the hot water option (hot water is necessary) It's so nice I feel like a savage when I have to shit without it now.
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I bought two bidets. The first one had temperature control but the sink line was blocked by cabinet shit. I put that downstairs and got a cold water one that just splits the water line into bidet/toilet bowl. You aren’t getting toilet bowl water:
LUXE Bidet NEO 120 - Self Cleaning Nozzle - Fresh Water Non-Electric Bidet Toilet Attachment (Blue) https://a.co/d/cj4Ld4W
They’re under $40, so it’s worth it. A medication was making me vomit/shit so much that I was bleeding from both ends. I got it because I thought I was wiping too hard, which wasn’t the case. At least, I’m saving on toilet paper now.
down bad for this to elevate my butt crack hygiene to unseen levels.
I've wanted a bidet for a while but the recent south park episode pushed me over the edge. Hello Tushy had a Two pack deal with the hot water option (hot water is necessary) It's so nice I feel like a savage when I have to shit without it now.
I need that. I'm tryna be like Randy Marsh with a nice little bidet so every time I shit I feel like a swanky bourgeois fuckface
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I bought two bidets. The first one had temperature control but the sink line was blocked by cabinet shit. I put that downstairs and got a cold water one that just splits the water line into bidet/toilet bowl. You aren’t getting toilet bowl water:
LUXE Bidet NEO 120 - Self Cleaning Nozzle - Fresh Water Non-Electric Bidet Toilet Attachment (Blue) https://a.co/d/cj4Ld4W
They’re under $40, so it’s worth it. A medication was making me vomit/shit so much that I was bleeding from both ends. I got it because I thought I was wiping too hard, which wasn’t the case. At least, I’m saving on toilet paper now.
down bad for this to elevate my butt crack hygiene to unseen levels.
I've wanted a bidet for a while but the recent south park episode pushed me over the edge. Hello Tushy had a Two pack deal with the hot water option (hot water is necessary) It's so nice I feel like a savage when I have to shit without it now.
I need that. I'm tryna be like Randy Marsh with a nice little bidet so every time I shit I feel like a swanky bourgeois fuckface
I don't really feel swanky when I use it. But I do feel clean.
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One time I shit in a bucket and my mum found it
Damn! you're this guy?!
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/d28b2_-9aQM
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i honestly just ball the paper up. is this based?
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I have almost completely moved to bidet
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I bought two bidets. The first one had temperature control but the sink line was blocked by cabinet shit. I put that downstairs and got a cold water one that just splits the water line into bidet/toilet bowl. You aren’t getting toilet bowl water:
LUXE Bidet NEO 120 - Self Cleaning Nozzle - Fresh Water Non-Electric Bidet Toilet Attachment (Blue) https://a.co/d/cj4Ld4W
They’re under $40, so it’s worth it. A medication was making me vomit/shit so much that I was bleeding from both ends. I got it because I thought I was wiping too hard, which wasn’t the case. At least, I’m saving on toilet paper now.
down bad for this to elevate my butt crack hygiene to unseen levels.
I've wanted a bidet for a while but the recent south park episode pushed me over the edge. Hello Tushy had a Two pack deal with the hot water option (hot water is necessary) It's so nice I feel like a savage when I have to shit without it now.
I need that. I'm tryna be like Randy Marsh with a nice little bidet so every time I shit I feel like a swanky bourgeois fuckface
I don't really feel swanky when I use it. But I do feel clean.
My wife just bought us a bidet.
I refuse to use it.
I don’t want to have to dry my hairy ass off with toilet paper and get little paper dingles all up in there.
Seems weird to me.
Ima stay savage and keep with the paper.
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I have a walk-in bidet.
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IBS warrior here. sometimes i shit blood. im sober. sometimes i shit six times in a given day
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I bought two bidets. The first one had temperature control but the sink line was blocked by cabinet shit. I put that downstairs and got a cold water one that just splits the water line into bidet/toilet bowl. You aren’t getting toilet bowl water:
LUXE Bidet NEO 120 - Self Cleaning Nozzle - Fresh Water Non-Electric Bidet Toilet Attachment (Blue) https://a.co/d/cj4Ld4W
They’re under $40, so it’s worth it. A medication was making me vomit/shit so much that I was bleeding from both ends. I got it because I thought I was wiping too hard, which wasn’t the case. At least, I’m saving on toilet paper now.
down bad for this to elevate my butt crack hygiene to unseen levels.
I've wanted a bidet for a while but the recent south park episode pushed me over the edge. Hello Tushy had a Two pack deal with the hot water option (hot water is necessary) It's so nice I feel like a savage when I have to shit without it now.
I need that. I'm tryna be like Randy Marsh with a nice little bidet so every time I shit I feel like a swanky bourgeois fuckface
I don't really feel swanky when I use it. But I do feel clean.
I refuse to use it.
I don’t want to have to dry my hairy ass off with toilet paper and get little paper dingles all up in there.
Seems weird to me.
Ima stay savage and keep with the paper.
The dingle struggle is real with the bidet, but I can't go back. Spray down real good and then use a soft baby wipe.
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Wash it well with soap and wipe down with a dedicated butt towel. Feels like a dream.
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I bought two bidets. The first one had temperature control but the sink line was blocked by cabinet shit. I put that downstairs and got a cold water one that just splits the water line into bidet/toilet bowl. You aren’t getting toilet bowl water:
LUXE Bidet NEO 120 - Self Cleaning Nozzle - Fresh Water Non-Electric Bidet Toilet Attachment (Blue) https://a.co/d/cj4Ld4W
They’re under $40, so it’s worth it. A medication was making me vomit/shit so much that I was bleeding from both ends. I got it because I thought I was wiping too hard, which wasn’t the case. At least, I’m saving on toilet paper now.
down bad for this to elevate my butt crack hygiene to unseen levels.
I've wanted a bidet for a while but the recent south park episode pushed me over the edge. Hello Tushy had a Two pack deal with the hot water option (hot water is necessary) It's so nice I feel like a savage when I have to shit without it now.
I need that. I'm tryna be like Randy Marsh with a nice little bidet so every time I shit I feel like a swanky bourgeois fuckface
I don't really feel swanky when I use it. But I do feel clean.
I refuse to use it.
I don’t want to have to dry my hairy ass off with toilet paper and get little paper dingles all up in there.
Seems weird to me.
Ima stay savage and keep with the paper.
The dingle struggle is real with the bidet, but I can't go back. Spray down real good and then use a soft baby wipe.
Boutta cop my first bidet this month, failed to account for this possibility. I feel a dedicated roll of paper towels for drying is the move here.
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I want a bidet but seems a little weird to get one as a single guy living alone
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I want a bidet but seems a little weird to get one as a single guy living alone
…… why?
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I think it’s been maybe five years now that I have not touched a toilet seat to raise it.
My son is the one I credit with this. Even though he shares a bathroom with his sister, I never heard the telltale sounds of the toilet seat being put down as he got older.
I followed suit and I just brace my hand against the wall to center my flow directly above the toilet instead.
Am I the only one doing this as an adult?
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I think it’s been maybe five years now that I have not touched a toilet seat to raise it.
My son is the one I credit with this. Even though he shares a bathroom with his sister, I never heard the telltale sounds of the toilet seat being put down as he got older.
I followed suit and I just brace my hand against the wall to center my flow directly above the toilet instead.
Am I the only one doing this as an adult?
Of course, it is the closest thing to playing that board game "operation" as an adult without having a medical license
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I never looked at it that way, but that’s such whimsical way of explaining that. Pretty funny, dude.