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General Discussion => WHATEVER => Topic started by: Ronald Wilson Reagan on August 31, 2009, 12:13:34 PM

Title: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Ronald Wilson Reagan on August 31, 2009, 12:13:34 PM
Everybody gets into some embarassing shit once in a while. Share the ones that are old enough that you can laugh about them now.
I'll start:
When I was 15 in high school I took a lifeguarding class instead of regular gym. At one point we were practicing spinal rescues and putting people on a backboard. One time I was acting as the victim when these two really hot girls were suppose to "save" me for a test. I got all dead like, and the first girl grabbed me and pulled me onto the board, then the girls started putting their hands all over me to put me on the board. They were just in bathing suits and suddenly, I started getting hard. When it happened my waist was underwater and the bathingsuit was floating, so you couldn't see it. I wanted to adjust myself so badly,  but they wouldn't let me move, and strapped me down to the board. I tried thinking of all the terrible gross things I could. I thought about the baby being born video and penis warts pictures we were shown in health class. I thought about a freaky porn my friend showed me where a two penis man fucked a hermaphordite. Nothing worked. These girls boobs were hanging over my face and I was a virgin, it was too much. Eventually, after my internal battle, they pulled me out of the water and revealed that I was at full attention. Both girls made open sounds of revulsion. The rest of the year I couldn't look either in the eye.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Upgrayedd on August 31, 2009, 12:28:13 PM
pretty much anything i have either said or done belongs here. I'm an awkward, awkward young man.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: 1992 on August 31, 2009, 12:29:29 PM
haha...that's awesome.

I was really young when this happened....like 1st grade or something. I remember going on a field trip to a place called Rogers Park in Culver City and I ended up taking a piss off of the swirl slide all over my classmates. I don't know what I was thinking about except that I wanted my piss to look like a waterfall. I didn't even notice the line waiting to get on the slide until it was too late. I got into quite a bit of trouble for that.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Ronald Wilson Reagan on August 31, 2009, 12:46:38 PM
That reminds me of another one. This was like 2nd grade or something. Had to shit really bad, but didn't like using school toilets. Held it as long as I could, and in the end, had to run to the bathroom and try to shit. I couldn't make it though, as soon as I dropped trou, a giant log shot out of my ass and landed on the bathroom floor. Embarassed and ashamed, I tried to clean it up. In the end, instead of cleaning it, I pretty much just smeared shit all over my clothes and went back to the daycare service in the building. They were horrified, and the only other two kids who were still there promised not to tell anybody
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Nancy Chin The Manicurist on August 31, 2009, 12:55:26 PM
i vomited into my hand once and then threw it into a crowd of people. Miraculously, no one was harmed. I always just assumed God himself came down and performed some sort of divine intervention.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: popeyesfriedchicken on August 31, 2009, 01:42:17 PM
i was really young in karate class, like 8 or 9.  i was sitting on the wall about to do my forms to get my next belt and sitting next to this other kid.  the room was completely quiet while some older people were doing their forms.  the kid next to me had his ass against the wall and let rip a huge fart that the whole studio could hear.  everyone immediately turned their heads over to us and the kid looked at me with this huge face of disgust as if i had farted.  everyone thought that i farted because of that little bastard.  shit sucked. 
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: 13callsBS on August 31, 2009, 02:13:28 PM
i vomited into my hand once and then threw it into a crowd of people. Miraculously, no one was harmed. I always just assumed God himself came down and performed some sort of divine intervention.

I literally lol'd.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Upgrayedd on August 31, 2009, 02:16:22 PM
i shit myself in the luchroom in pre-school. and i dont mean solid brick shit.....the consistency of a thinly melted milkshake.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: whiteley on August 31, 2009, 02:29:43 PM
sadly, not from my youth...
something i should have taken care of on my 21st birthday maybe but i saved it until my 27th for some reason. my birthday, at the bar, friend's band playing, friends buying drinks, bar tenders giving up shots-- 151 and worse in the mix. hours of it. feeling plenty drunk but fine through the night, saying goodbye to everybody, get in the car with wife driving, still feeling fine with the windows rolled down and fresh air streaming. over the course of the drive home the windows go up and i slowly slide down into a ball in the space your feet go, below the dash. we get home, wife tries to get me out, i'm feeling crappy and saying i'll come in in a little while. she pulls me out of the car and onto the sidewalk, tells me to get up and go inside, i'm mumbling to leave me alone and i'll come in later. after 10 minutes of this she's over me and goes inside to call the fire department. she's a nurse and so she knows most of the local fire department and sure enough the fireman who show up are all people she works with which makes her extra pissed because now she gets to hear about this at work. they come pick me up from my puddle-like position on the sidewalk, i tell them to leave me alone, i can walk. they do. i can't walk. they pick me up again, drag me into my apartment, my wife tells them to deposit me in the bathroom where i proceed to puke and have the shakes the entire night, hours long, can't pass out. finally sleep for an hour next to the toilet. wake up, deal with the aftermath. my wife tells all my friends the story the following day, and so to this day anytime my friends see me even with a beer, it's "uh oh, call the fire department!"
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: PFIASB on August 31, 2009, 02:36:40 PM
i shit myself in the in pre-school. and i dont mean solid brick shit.....the consistency eminem sized snail shells
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Anti Krooked on August 31, 2009, 02:41:28 PM
try beingapporached by a homosexual in your highschool bathroom first day of school
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: nocomply on August 31, 2009, 02:43:58 PM
I got caught beating off by a friend. Growing up I had a mini ramp in my back yard. My friend Jeff came over(unannounced) to skate and knocked on the door. I was in the living room in full view. I jumped up and pulled up my boxers and answered the door.

"hey man I came to skate the ramp. Wanna skate?"
"nah, I'm tired. Go ahead and skate it if you want."
"ok. is everything ok? I looks lie your boxers fell of or something." (with a shit eating grin on his face)
"yeah I'm good". See ya later"

He never mentioned it again, but I couldn't look him in the eye for a few weeks.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Sony MDR V2 Headphones on August 31, 2009, 02:46:03 PM
i walked outside singing an outkast song really loud when my sister and her boyfriend were breaking up. they both had tears in their eyes. i walked back inside. not a word was spoken.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Gnarbys on August 31, 2009, 02:53:00 PM
Wow, let's see. I pissed the bed during a sleep over at a friends house, I got beat up by a retarded girl, I shit my pants while handling guns with a friend, my Johnson fell out in PE while attempting a long jump, I took a girls virginity and she told all of her friends it didn't hurt at all, and forgot Guy had last part in Mouse.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Gnarbys on August 31, 2009, 02:58:28 PM
The beatdown. So this one time in seventh grade I got my ass kicked by a retarded girl. Strange but true. I was being a little shit head and preceded to pick on this large retarded gal. My friend Joe and I were tag teaming her on the play ground by running up and pushing her from behind and running away. This girl, we’ll call her Diane because that was her name, was a good sport about it. Mostly because she was retarded. Now in terms of the seventh grade Diane was a big kid. Much bigger than the rest of us. Extremely larger that me due to the fact that I was such a late bloomer.
I had never heard the term ‘Retarded Strength” until that very day. In mid push I rebounded and began to run away. Diane spun around “Retarded Fast” and almost grabbed me. This only made the game a little more adventurous. Although I do admit her speed had me alittle shook. Joe took a run at her, pushed from behind and also barely escaped. Now it was my turn and my heart raced at the thought of what this “Girl” would do to me if I was captured! I ran with such determination toward this Juggernaught I over shot my intended target, I was a little higher than I should have been. As my feet hit the ground all I felt was two massive hands grab me at the shoulders. I was fucked! Diane released all the Retarded Strength from her reserve tanks! All I remember was her mighty yank then I was on the ground in much pain.
The story was then told to me by Joe who was laughing the whole time. After the initial grab at the shoulders, Diane pulled me into her in a bear hug posistion. In one bold precise move she lifted my crushed torso into the air and power slammed me into the pavement. All air from my lungs gone. My knees and elbows busted open with flesh torn away. I was in pain, borderline shock at the event that just took place. I was powerless, dead in the water as Diane just walked away. My eyes began to water as sweet, sweet air once again filled my lungs. It was only minutes later that a wrestler kid name Russ picked me up to see the school nurse. No such luck for me that day.
Mr. Healy was my guidance counselor, he was my payback for picking on a retarded girl. No nurse came to my aide. All in all I learned a valuable lesson about retarded girls. 1. Never under estimate the “Retarded Strength Gene”. 2. The movie “Mask” was not a comedy. 3. If I ever see Diane on the street her ass is mine!
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: PFIASB on August 31, 2009, 03:03:12 PM
i also shat myself everyday at naptime for a week
i shat myself at a pokemon tournament
shat myself 3 days ago playing call of duty cuz i was doing really good and didnt want to leave
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: CigaretteBeer on August 31, 2009, 03:05:12 PM
I remember getting boners when I was young, and not knowing what they were, and feeling ashamed
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: whiteley on August 31, 2009, 03:13:51 PM
Wow, let's see. I pissed the bed during a sleep over at a friends house, I got beat up by a retarded girl, I shit my pants while handling guns with a friend, my Johnson fell out in PE while attempting a long jump, I took a girls virginity and she told all of her friends it didn't hurt at all, and forgot Guy had last part in Mouse.

i think you have a screenplay to write.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Upgrayedd on August 31, 2009, 03:22:57 PM
I remember getting boners when I was young, and not knowing what they were, and feeling ashamed

i was never ashamed of my early age boners. But im pretty damn sure it made my parents ashamed to take me in public.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: ALT on August 31, 2009, 03:38:23 PM
My PE teacher caught me pissing into a bottle behind the gym.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Mackattack on August 31, 2009, 03:38:38 PM
From the time i was 8-16 i lived next to these two extreme dykes that my parents always told me were "just sisters".

Anyway.. i was probably 14 and i was home alone so i was beating off wth just a robe on, which should go without saying, and i was downstairs facing the side window jerking away in this stance... (http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_jDLj60NK7U0/RjGtAlqjSVI/AAAAAAAAAJM/TNvNhgH7nL4/s320/Jack+Black+School+of+Rock.jpg)
.. probably sporting a very similar facial expression, when suddenly one of my dyke neighbors appears by the window with her hedge trimmers. Her eyes and my one eyed snake's eye met when i was in full a fledge Angus Young style beat off session, and for reasons still unbeknownst to me and to her dismay i just kept going at it. She quickly darted back into her house, undoubtedly telling her lesbian partner of the moment we shared. I honestly wasnt really too embarrassed about the situation and enjoyed seeing her in the front yard after that day.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Rafiki on August 31, 2009, 04:01:33 PM
I blacked out drunk  and peed all over my my sleeping friend and his bed
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: therealmario on August 31, 2009, 04:01:51 PM
one day i came home from school early my senior year. my stepdad usually parks in the driveway, and i didnt see the car so i went in thinking i was home alone and went to the kitchen to get some grub. nature began to call, and our main bathroom downstairs was in the process of being painted, and i didnt feel like darting up the stairs to take a dump. so i go to my parents bathroom to take a shit. apparently my stepdads car was parked in the garage, i swing the door open while simultaneously unbuttoning my jeans  to drop trow. only to find my 58 year old step father laying in the middle of the bathroom, butt ass nekit cranking one out. mind you my pants are undone at this point with one hand holding them up so i can get to the toilet. my eyes first hit his fully erect genitals while he was scrambling to find something to cover up with. our eyes then connected for a solid 3 seconds which at the time felt like forever. shit between us hasn't been the same since...moral of story. always check the garage.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: HATE! on August 31, 2009, 04:21:17 PM
I REALLY needed to read this today.  thanks fellas

I got jumped by a kid with downs in Kindergarten.  I think I've told this on here before.  Anyways, it was clean up time and I told Sean it was time to clean up, and he jumped me.  Choked my little ass out and everything.  The next day he brought an apple to the teacher like he always did and I kicked it out of his hand and got it all bruised and gross and he still gave it to her because he didn't care.  Not long after at the pool he had a seizure on the diving board and had to get drug out while I quietly laughed in the shallow end.  Kinda fucked, but I hated him.

Speaking of retarded kids.  In the 8th grade I had a friend named Josh who had a retarded older sister.  She had severe autism and she was 17 or so.  Anyways I walked in the bathroom and she was naked, covered in shaving cream, shaving her pits and playing with her nipples.  I don't think I could've turned more red.  I felt like I got caught jerking off or some shit by my grandma.  She was cool with it though, she just said "Hi Luke!" and went on about her business.

I had a friend in the 4th grade with a fake arm and he would take it off at PE.  I used to hide stuff in it.  One day I hid like 3 GI Joes in it and he was having a bad day and he yelled at me about it in front of a lot of kids and I just remember feeling like total shit about it.

When I lost my virginity I accidentally stuck it in her butt and she just narrowed her eyes and quietly said, "no...."  and I didn't even know why until months later.  But that made me shy away from sex afterwards.

Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Ben Throttle on August 31, 2009, 04:43:33 PM
Watching my friend i used to skate with get his ass kicked by his father all the time. After skating his make shift ramps all day we would go inside and his Dad would be listening to Roxy Music really loud while yelling at him with a strong, drunken British accent "ROB! CAN'T YOU PICK UP THE FUCKIN' MESS IN THE CHICKEN COOP" and he wouldn't want to so his pops would pick him up by his droors and drag him outside while slapping him in the face. I would usually go downstairs and play Battletoads after the first few minutes of watching it
(http://www.consoleclassix.com/info_img/Battletoads_Double_Dragon_SNES_ScreenShot1.jpg)
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Ronald Wilson Reagan on August 31, 2009, 04:52:34 PM
Man, whats up with all these ass kicking retarded people? None of the special kids could beat anybody up where I lived.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Rafiki on August 31, 2009, 05:05:20 PM
Man, whats up with all these ass kicking retarded people? None of the special kids could beat anybody up where I lived.
For real,yall people must have had some beasts!
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Ronald Wilson Reagan on August 31, 2009, 05:08:42 PM
Man, whats up with all these ass kicking retarded people? None of the special kids could beat anybody up where I lived.
For real,yall people must have had some beasts!
Maybe this was them:
(http://farm1.static.flickr.com/193/496466701_4cff2108ce.jpg)
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Mackattack on August 31, 2009, 05:15:32 PM
A story in the vein of ass-kicking retarded people:

       In 7th grade i had an "advisory" period which was basically an hour after lunch to get our shit together and do homework and stuff. I was in the advisory with all the random delinquents and special ED kids.There was this perverted and abnormally jacked retarded kid named Kendrick who always talked about "girls gone wild" and "pumping on the booty." I think he actually won a few events in the special olympics... One day i was chatting with Kendrick, covering all our normal topics: Pro wrestling, dragon ball z, and naked women/girls gone wild. I made a comment about a big breasted girl who i remember as being one of the first girls at our school to have a reputation for being a slut: " Damn Kendrick, look at those big ol tittys!" I jested, much to Kendrick's delight. He exploded into a fit of giddy laughter which got the attention of one of the teachers in charge of watching us.. Kendrick ended up explaining to her exactly what i had said in front of the whole class at the top of his voice and i was sent to the principal to repeat multiple times what i had said to this retarded kid. My mom would have been bummed.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Gnarbys on August 31, 2009, 05:51:21 PM
Well you guys are God Damn lucky you were able to contain your retarded folk. This girl Diane had about 65 lbs on me and the strength of 1000 Hulks. I'm not kidding, if she tried some shit with me today I'd run her over in a fucking minute. It may be a large case of Karma though. In 5th grade I did the switch out on a retarded kid. His name was Tim and he had a normal headed Han Solo figure. I happened to buy the mongloid headed Han Solo figure. (common knowledge in Star Wars nerdism) As we were talking shop about Star Wars I switched the two figures and got away with that shit clean. Two years later I got the shit stomped out of me by Diane. There's no way I could ever show up at a Special Olympics event without freaking out completely. I could never except a friendly hug from a retard now. This is my curse.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: McCly on August 31, 2009, 05:58:13 PM
I kicked a retarded kid in the dick at summer camp because he wouldn't shut up while we were playing Super Mario Bros.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Locbrew on August 31, 2009, 05:59:20 PM
In kindergarten, I got puked on by a kid I was playing Legos with, I was bummed cause I had to go home, I just wanted to play with legos,  turns out the kid ended up being one of my best friends later on during middle and high school.  

Also, in first grade, Mortal Kombat II was really the shit, so on the playground we where playing Mortal Kombat II, running around and pretended to be characters, I was Johnny Cage, doing shadow kicks and shit. Tried to do the split and punch, ended up splitting my sweet ass shorts that I had, I think they where like neon green or something, it sucked.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: EricLogan on August 31, 2009, 06:35:26 PM
one time, I was at this public pool, just gettin mah swim on, and I was doing that scuba-like swim where your arms are to your sides, and your legs kick while you just look straight down like a dumbass into the water. anyway, I'm paddling along, and I notice these little brown things, and I'm like "oh schnapp, a penny saved is a penny earned" so I swam down and took one into my hand, held it, and pressed my thumb against it and it just sank into it, upon realizing what it was, instead of just dropping it immediately and playing it off, I surfaced and held my arm up and went "IT'S SHIIIIIIIIIT!"

they kicked me out cause' they were covinced it was mine, and I had to walk like 4 miles home in the mid-day sun.

Also, when I was in kindergarten, in art class there was this long ass table like in the last supper, and I was sitting at the head of the table, and this black chick named "Luisiausianni" (pronounced loose-i-oohs-i-anni, I shit you not) and I whispered that I'd show her my privates if she showed me hers. I look under the table, and she looks at me, and she makes a "v" with her fingers in place of her cha cha, and I took it as an offense like she was calling my bluff. So naturally I unbuttoned my pants and pulled them all the way down to my ankles, dick straight chillin'. She was amazed that I did it, and I pulled my pants back up without anybody noticing.

but that story's more awesome than awkward

Another time when i was 15, my mom managed to land me my first job at this diner she was working at washing dishes. The owner fucking loved me and paid me more than i get paid now, like 80 dollars for 4 hours of work or some shit. But that's beside the point. One day I'd just spent like 30 minutes of my possible 240 minutes scubbing one pan, and I held it out, admiring my reflection in this pan I'd just brandished so thoroughly, and I made a sharp left turn to hang it where it goes, and my knuckle sunk 3 inches deep between my mom's hot ass friends' huge titties who was standing right behind me. I immediately went all boy-scout with apologies, and she wasn't sweating it. She then left to do whatever it is she was walking by in the first place to do, and I went straight to the bathroom and jacked off vigerously, busting one of those tiny crystal clear nuts you bust when it's one of your first 10-15 times doing it.

I shortly there after got paid 80 bucks cash under the table, walked to the mall and bought a new deck from this shitty ass chain store "mr rags". At the time, best day of my life.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Boston. on August 31, 2009, 07:58:40 PM
when i moved to a new school in sixth grade i apparently said the wrong thing to the wrong person, and the fucker started a rumor that i was gay. they even got people to go along with it and they said they heard me say it

i went out to umass amherst a few months ago and my buddy billy invited some drunk girl back to our other friends dorm. a few of us had to sleep on the floor, so we all went out to smoke cigarettes at three in the morning, only to come back to them two making out in the bed. she was 22 and he was 17(awesome for him). time goes by as we're trying to sleep when all of a sudden she starts sucking his dick, we hear him let out a prolonged "ohhh", and then she kept going at it. she was using her whole body somehow, and when she was finally done we all started laughing while he tried to apologize

the next night we went to a party, and she came up to me and asked if i wanted to have the "kinkiest sex of my life" with her best friend. i didn't want to pass up the opportunity, so i said yes, and se introduced me to the wrong girl, so after a half hour i feel like the biggest dumbass

another awkward moment was when we caught this kid jacking off in math class in tenth grade. he turned so incredibly red

when i was younger this kid got dared to bring in a vibrator to school. as another dare , i had to tell on him. i got called to the principles office only to have this giant vibrator staring me in the face

when i moved my mom asked me if it would be a problem for my bed to be next to a window. i asked her why and she told me that she heard me kicking my wall every morning. it was awkward to get caught jacking off, without actually being seen
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: PFIASB on August 31, 2009, 08:07:38 PM
one tiime when i was getting my haircut, the guy who owned the place walked in to talk to the guy cutting my hair.
and he walked in front of me with his leg touching my leg, and his boner in my face
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Ronald Wilson Reagan on August 31, 2009, 08:15:04 PM
one time, I was at this public pool, just gettin mah swim on, and I was doing that scuba-like swim where your arms are to your sides, and your legs kick while you just look straight down like a dumbass into the water. anyway, I'm paddling along, and I notice these little brown things, and I'm like "oh schnapp, a penny saved is a penny earned" so I swam down and took one into my hand, held it, and pressed my thumb against it and it just sank into it, upon realizing what it was, instead of just dropping it immediately and playing it off, I surfaced and held my arm up and went "IT'S SHIIIIIIIIIT!"

they kicked me out cause' they were covinced it was mine, and I had to walk like 4 miles home in the mid-day sun.

Also, when I was in kindergarten, in art class there was this long ass table like in the last supper, and I was sitting at the head of the table, and this black chick named "Luisiausianni" (pronounced loose-i-oohs-i-anni, I shit you not) and I whispered that I'd show her my privates if she showed me hers. I look under the table, and she looks at me, and she makes a "v" with her fingers in place of her cha cha, and I took it as an offense like she was calling my bluff. So naturally I unbuttoned my pants and pulled them all the way down to my ankles, dick straight chillin'. She was amazed that I did it, and I pulled my pants back up without anybody noticing.

but that story's more awesome than awkward

Another time when i was 15, my mom managed to land me my first job at this diner she was working at washing dishes. The owner fucking loved me and paid me more than i get paid now, like 80 dollars for 4 hours of work or some shit. But that's beside the point. One day I'd just spent like 30 minutes of my possible 240 minutes scubbing one pan, and I held it out, admiring my reflection in this pan I'd just brandished so thoroughly, and I made a sharp left turn to hang it where it goes, and my knuckle sunk 3 inches deep between my mom's hot ass friends' huge titties who was standing right behind me. I immediately went all boy-scout with apologies, and she wasn't sweating it. She then left to do whatever it is she was walking by in the first place to do, and I went straight to the bathroom and jacked off vigerously, busting one of those tiny crystal clear nuts you bust when it's one of your first 10-15 times doing it.

I shortly there after got paid 80 bucks cash under the table, walked to the mall and bought a new deck from this shitty ass chain store "mr rags". At the time, best day of my life.
That second story reminds me of an ok one. When I was a kid, like 7-8ish, I used to get a thrill from pulling my dick out under the table in class. I did it at least once an hour at one point. Until a girl kept noticing me look under the table all weird over and over (I had to see that my penis was fully out for some reason) and checked it out for herself. She started giggling and cheering that she saw my wee-wee, and my parents got called for it. I think they all took it as some sort of weird growing curiousity type thing, and gave me a lecture about the differences between boys and girls, and how you should keep some stuff private instead of busting me.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Rafiki on August 31, 2009, 08:29:41 PM
I used to show proudly my pubic hairs to every girl at school.
It just felt right.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Upgrayedd on August 31, 2009, 09:50:26 PM
one time, I was at this public pool, just gettin mah swim on, and I was doing that scuba-like swim where your arms are to your sides, and your legs kick while you just look straight down like a dumbass into the water. anyway, I'm paddling along, and I notice these little brown things, and I'm like "oh schnapp, a penny saved is a penny earned" so I swam down and took one into my hand, held it, and pressed my thumb against it and it just sank into it, upon realizing what it was, instead of just dropping it immediately and playing it off, I surfaced and held my arm up and went "IT'S SHIIIIIIIIIT!"

they kicked me out cause' they were covinced it was mine, and I had to walk like 4 miles home in the mid-day sun.

Also, when I was in kindergarten, in art class there was this long ass table like in the last supper, and I was sitting at the head of the table, and this black chick named "Luisiausianni" (pronounced loose-i-oohs-i-anni, I shit you not) and I whispered that I'd show her my privates if she showed me hers. I look under the table, and she looks at me, and she makes a "v" with her fingers in place of her cha cha, and I took it as an offense like she was calling my bluff. So naturally I unbuttoned my pants and pulled them all the way down to my ankles, dick straight chillin'. She was amazed that I did it, and I pulled my pants back up without anybody noticing.

but that story's more awesome than awkward

Another time when i was 15, my mom managed to land me my first job at this diner she was working at washing dishes. The owner fucking loved me and paid me more than i get paid now, like 80 dollars for 4 hours of work or some shit. But that's beside the point. One day I'd just spent like 30 minutes of my possible 240 minutes scubbing one pan, and I held it out, admiring my reflection in this pan I'd just brandished so thoroughly, and I made a sharp left turn to hang it where it goes, and my knuckle sunk 3 inches deep between my mom's hot ass friends' huge titties who was standing right behind me. I immediately went all boy-scout with apologies, and she wasn't sweating it. She then left to do whatever it is she was walking by in the first place to do, and I went straight to the bathroom and jacked off vigerously, busting one of those tiny crystal clear nuts you bust when it's one of your first 10-15 times doing it.

I shortly there after got paid 80 bucks cash under the table, walked to the mall and bought a new deck from this shitty ass chain store "mr rags". At the time, best day of my life.

another embarrassing moment......thats where i bought my first set up.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: tough omelette on August 31, 2009, 09:54:33 PM
^ain't that the store that used to have blanks and cheaper decks in garbage cans as a marketing approach?
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: EricLogan on August 31, 2009, 10:32:04 PM
yeah, i bought that yellow Sheffey w/ the leprechaun on it (pretty sure it's a sports team logo parody) for $15.

They also sold Jnco's, ICP zippo's and breakdancing dvd's.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: odp on August 31, 2009, 10:58:29 PM
Hey, right, this ones better than the retard stories. When i was in Kindergarten i was riding the van home from school one day and there was this legit midget girl who sat in the seat in front of me. Her name was Megan. She was the bitchiest little cunt ever. So anyways, i'm talking to her all nice and what not, because truth be told, i was an empathetic youngin with a rat tail and racing stripe hair cut, and didn't want her to feel bad that she was an ugly midget who had a twin brother who was taller than her. So we start playing with my matchbox car and talking about Punky Brewster. I told her that I thought Cherry was cute, and this little cunt said "no way, she's black." So i told her to give me my car back. She threw it at my face, then with her disgusting uncut finger nails slashed across my young white chest, tearing my white tshirt and leaving gouges that hurt for days. I had to tell my friends the next day that i got scratched by a midget. Now, well, i saw her a few years ago at 7-11, bitch has kids and was buying one of those fake roses in the glass tube that crackheads always scoop up. Shit was fucked up.

When i was 15, i was banging my girlfriend her in bedroom. Her parents, stupidly, allowed us to keep the door closed all the time. So we're going at it right on her bed in the middle of the day, waiting to eat supper. We're not fully unclothed, you know how it is when youre a youngin going for the quickness, pants around the knees and ankles are perfect. So anyways, i'm in the height of my teenage thrust of lust and as my bum is in the air, ready to spear her supple, young vag, her 11 year old sister walks into the bedroom and screams "GROSS!" and runs outta the room crying. I rolled of the bed and my girlfriend starting crying and freaking out. Her mom came to the room and slapped her. I then had to sit down with her parents and "explain" myself. Then, they gave me a ride to my parents house and made me talk with them..... I stuck to my story that i was just fingering her though, somehow, someway, i pulled it off. But, we were never allowed to close the door again.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: HATE! on August 31, 2009, 11:02:36 PM
Fuck having to explain yourself man... that shit must've been brutal.  Ugh, I hate thinking about it.

As for your other story, it reminded me that those crackheads steal the roses off headstones.  I know this because I saw it.  And yeah, I beat the fuck out of a shitty crackhead in a cemetary.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: krewkruxklan on August 31, 2009, 11:07:03 PM
in the 10th grade i got stoned at a house party and i thought i was going to die.
i ran around the house yelling for a telephone to call the police, everyone tried to calm me down but i wouldnt hear it.
the following monday was an embarassing day.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Gomez on August 31, 2009, 11:40:49 PM
i always have a laugh at how in the 6th grade, i shit my pants in the grocery store parking lot while trying to desperately make it to the bathroom (which i wasn't completely sure where it was) from the car. the funniest part is my dramatically slow and wide spread walk as it started to ooze out, and my fearful high-pitched "noooooooooo" that i let out. i was devastated at the time, though, and i remember the soiled pants being particularly expensive.

Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Nic on September 01, 2009, 12:37:50 AM
I had just moved to Illinois and it was my first day in highschool and in PE I figured if you didn't want to shower at the end you didn't have to, but you do. It was awkward enough to walk into a shower with 10 other guys I had never met, but to make things worse every one of them checked out my junk in a synchronized stare.

This one is more awesome than awkward.
My girlfriend was going to a party with just girls and I pretty much made her take me because I had nothing to do and all her friends were pissed I was there. They had liquor and we all were drinking and they were being drunk and stupid and one of them told me to wack it with hand sanitizer. Being young and not one to back down from a challenge I did it and it felt really bad. the best part is though when I came a little shot onto some girls pants and she started freaking out. They told all their friends at school and it was a little awkward.

I also got caught jacking off in my girlfriends house twice.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Beer Keg Peg Leg on September 01, 2009, 02:32:41 AM
In 9th grade (in Indonesia) I had a PE teacher called Mr. McField. He was black and 6'10 and an ex-marine. Every class he would tell me and my friend Gabe about how he used to go to the red light district and have sex with whores, and that they were always terrified of his massive black dick. One time in class I did something he didn't like and he called me a homo, so right after class I wrote an anonymous letter to the principal telling him everything. Muthafucka was fired. NO ONE CALLS ME A FUCKING HOMO AND CONTINUES DOING THEIR JOB TO REGRET IT.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: stabbin on September 01, 2009, 03:02:21 AM
When I was in 5th grade, or maybe 4th, I had to use the bathroom really bad and I asked to be excused and ran to the bathroom.  At the time I just had a wee little pecker that I only used a thumb to hold down as I went, so I unzip and pushed pretty hard from what I remember because I had to go so bad.  Then something happened that makes no sense at all, (I was obviously looking down to watch myself piss at the time) my thumb slipped off my pecker and piss shoots out at a super fast speed and due to me only using my thumb it created a sling shot type effect and shot my dick straight upright causing me to piss right into my mouth and face.  Luckily no one was in the bathroom and I got out of it without anyone ever knowing what happened.  Thats the story of me pissing into my own mouth.  The end.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: kilgore. on September 01, 2009, 03:13:31 AM
my sister used to finger herself rapidly when she was like 10 and i used to catch her doing it. that shit was awkward and i'd tell on her.

my cat somehow shit inside a glass of milk that was mine, i drank the glass of milk and spit the shit out. i was young and it created awkward tension between my cat and i after that.

i have a lot more but i'm delirious right now.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: tough omelette on September 01, 2009, 03:22:08 AM
one time in elementary i was on Cougar Patrol, it sounds cooler than it was.. well actually it was kinda cool because we got to kick it outside for like 40 minutes while the upper graders had lunch/2nd recess. the job of a good cougar patroller was not to scope the librarian's (ms. hope) ass, but was to use the whistle every time someone ran. either you did not whistle or you got indian burned by a scowling fifth grader. so one day i'm on duty by the four square courts.  this meant i had to watch the courts and make sure no sketchy stuff was going on inside of the restrooms. so i'm sitting there not doing my job, probably reading if you give a mouse a cookie, then i hear a kid say yuck! and walk out of the restroom. i get up and enter the door. to the front of me are the sinks and to the right of this wall are the urinals and stalls. i start to take a peek around the wall and smell somethin foul. a turd. just.. sitting there on the ground. no where near a toilet. and then there's this kid with a helmet standing there with his pants down to his ankles taking a piss in the urinal thinking it's business as usual. i simply walk out. throw the sash at the nearest teacher, yell i quit! and head over to the dodgeball courts.


Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Mooley on September 01, 2009, 04:35:11 AM
In grade 10 or 11 I was walking through a hallway at lunch hour during school with a few friends and we were joking around as per usual. I had a pack of Nibs, and my friend said something stupid at my expense so I meant to throw one at him to get him to shut up. I threw one at him head-level, but missed and it flew over his shoulder and somehow hit this timid looking asian kid walking by. I was already pretty embarrassed for having hit someone I wasn't aiming at, but this kid immediately hunched over and put his hands to his face like he was seriously wounded or something. Turns out it hit him pretty much square in the eye. We kept walking and everything, but eventually he walked into the same room afterwards and it became really obvious he was in some pain and had cried over it. It was fairly awkward, sitting there trying to avoid consoling him for the delicious liquorice treat I introduced to his eye.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: HATE! on September 01, 2009, 05:52:17 AM
one time in elementary i was on Cougar Patrol, it sounds cooler than it was.. well actually it was kinda cool because we got to kick it outside for like 40 minutes while the upper graders had lunch/2nd recess. the job of a good cougar patroller was not to scope the librarian's (ms. hope) ass, but was to use the whistle every time someone ran. either you did not whistle or you got indian burned by a scowling fifth grader. so one day i'm on duty by the four square courts.  this meant i had to watch the courts and make sure no sketchy stuff was going on inside of the restrooms. so i'm sitting there not doing my job, probably reading if you give a mouse a cookie, then i hear a kid say yuck! and walk out of the restroom. i get up and enter the door. to the front of me are the sinks and to the right of this wall are the urinals and stalls. i start to take a peek around the wall and smell somethin foul. a turd. just.. sitting there on the ground. no where near a toilet. and then there's this kid with a helmet standing there with his pants down to his ankles taking a piss in the urinal thinking it's business as usual. i simply walk out. throw the sash at the nearest teacher, yell i quit! and head over to the dodgeball courts.




Dude this whole thing had me cracking up.  Fucking "if you give a mouse a cookie"
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Narcissus on September 01, 2009, 07:43:37 AM
That reminds me of another one. This was like 2nd grade or something. Had to shit really bad, but didn't like using school toilets. Held it as long as I could, and in the end, had to run to the bathroom and try to shit. I couldn't make it though, as soon as I dropped trou, a giant log shot out of my ass and landed on the bathroom floor. Embarassed and ashamed, I tried to clean it up. In the end, instead of cleaning it, I pretty much just smeared shit all over my clothes and went back to the daycare service in the building. They were horrified, and the only other two kids who were still there promised not to tell anybody

school toilets were the worst. I always did my best to shit before or after school.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: rawbertson. on September 01, 2009, 09:38:58 AM
on friday i was walking to a skate spot in montreal (i dont speak french) and i was just walking normally like lifting my shoe just high enough off the ground, and this fucking little bird flew right underneath my shoe, and i fucking stepped on him by accident. this whole restaurant of french people are fucking staring at me and like freaking out on me in french and i just kept walking. i felt so bummed, but what the fuck was i going to do? clean him up? fuck...
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Bipsmound on September 01, 2009, 11:55:13 AM
I must've been 10 or 11, just hanging around outside my house with my buddy.  This turd kid named Kieran (everyone called him Queeren) just moved in down the street and he happened to be walking by.  I said, "Hey kid, keep an eye out while I steal a bike."  He didn't know I lived there, so I go get my bike out of the garage, my buddy jumps on the back and we take off around the block.

When we come around the corner, Queeren is at my front door with his mom talking to my dad.  Queeren sees us coming and gets real excited, "There he is!!!"  My dad might've thought it was sorta funny, but he had a fuckin awkward moment right there.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: jack burton on September 01, 2009, 12:15:48 PM
when i was in middle school i think it was i had just gotten out of the shower and decided to j.o. so as i had just gotten out of the shower why would i put clothes on? so im in my bed trying to make the best out of scrambled porn when my mom just walks in. i manage to turn off the tv and cover myself up but it was pretty fucking obvious what i was doing. my mom says real quick what are you doing! before i even have time to think i blurt out WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE IM DOING?! my mom sees a box of crackers real quick and says some thing like oh you know your not supposed to have food in your room. which was a lie. clearly very awkward.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Narcissus on September 01, 2009, 12:31:57 PM
I got caught beating off by a friend. Growing up I had a mini ramp in my back yard. My friend Jeff came over(unannounced) to skate and knocked on the door. I was in the living room in full view. I jumped up and pulled up my boxers and answered the door.

"hey man I came to skate the ramp. Wanna skate?"
"nah, I'm tired. Go ahead and skate it if you want."
"ok. is everything ok? I looks lie your boxers fell of or something." (with a shit eating grin on his face)
"yeah I'm good". See ya later"

He never mentioned it again, but I couldn't look him in the eye for a few weeks.

Shit's funny as hell. I used to always knock on my friend's window in his room to avoid ringing the doorbell and shit. One time I knocked, he saw me, got spooked and said, "did you just see my dick?" I was confused because I had no idea why I would've seen his dick, but he clarified. "I'm jacking off."
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: HATE! on September 01, 2009, 12:39:09 PM
I think we've all ahd moms complain about us taking hour long showers.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Ronald Wilson Reagan on September 01, 2009, 12:52:42 PM
Hey, right, this ones better than the retard stories. When i was in Kindergarten i was riding the van home from school one day and there was this legit midget girl who sat in the seat in front of me. Her name was Megan. She was the bitchiest little cunt ever. So anyways, i'm talking to her all nice and what not, because truth be told, i was an empathetic youngin with a rat tail and racing stripe hair cut, and didn't want her to feel bad that she was an ugly midget who had a twin brother who was taller than her. So we start playing with my matchbox car and talking about Punky Brewster. I told her that I thought Cherry was cute, and this little cunt said "no way, she's black." So i told her to give me my car back. She threw it at my face, then with her disgusting uncut finger nails slashed across my young white chest, tearing my white tshirt and leaving gouges that hurt for days. I had to tell my friends the next day that i got scratched by a midget. Now, well, i saw her a few years ago at 7-11, bitch has kids and was buying one of those fake roses in the glass tube that crackheads always scoop up. Shit was fucked up.

When i was 15, i was banging my girlfriend her in bedroom. Her parents, stupidly, allowed us to keep the door closed all the time. So we're going at it right on her bed in the middle of the day, waiting to eat supper. We're not fully unclothed, you know how it is when youre a youngin going for the quickness, pants around the knees and ankles are perfect. So anyways, i'm in the height of my teenage thrust of lust and as my bum is in the air, ready to spear her supple, young vag, her 11 year old sister walks into the bedroom and screams "GROSS!" and runs outta the room crying. I rolled of the bed and my girlfriend starting crying and freaking out. Her mom came to the room and slapped her. I then had to sit down with her parents and "explain" myself. Then, they gave me a ride to my parents house and made me talk with them..... I stuck to my story that i was just fingering her though, somehow, someway, i pulled it off. But, we were never allowed to close the door again.
Obviously it is scary at the time, but explain yourself? You should have told them about the birds and the bees, and explained that you knew they understood, otherwise they wouldn't even have a daughter to defile.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Ben Throttle on September 01, 2009, 12:56:19 PM
friends moms complain about us taking hour long showers.
It depends on how handsome you are and how young they are. Sometimes they'll be like "oh, your in there, take your time... it's fine"
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Corby Tender on September 01, 2009, 05:50:03 PM
When I was in 9th grade I was trying to hold back a massive dump the entire day.  By the time 8th period English rolled around I was starting to get worried that shitting my pants could very well be in my near future.  I got permission to go to the bathroom, and proceeded to take a shit comparable to your standard exorcism.  Wet farts, leg spasms, and sighs of relief were aplenty. As this was happening, someone walked in to take a piss so I decided in order to spare myself the walk of shame out of the stall, I was gonna sit there until he left.  It turns out it was my friend from the class I was in, who proceeded to tell the everyone what I was doing.  I walked into hysterical laughter, and every girl going "EWWWW!".  Bewildered, I looked at the teacher to shed some light, she says: "...Danny just gave us too much information."  I didn't talk to him for awhile after that.

So many "your mother" jokes to kids with dead moms.

Oh...and I saw American Pie in theaters with my mom when I was 11.  That was a scarring experience.

Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: jildo on September 01, 2009, 05:57:08 PM
damn, it was deleted the first time, but my mother was telling me a story about how my sister and i would play circus when we were really young. my mom's room was the tent and she had one of those stuffed animal nets that you hang on the wall in the corner of her room. well, one day i decided for the main event i was going to bounce off the bed and hang by that net with my teeth. it didn't end well. she said i had a bloody mouth and ripped some teeth out. i was an intelligent youngster.

the first time my parent's found porn on the family computer wasn't much fun either.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: odp on September 01, 2009, 08:26:12 PM
Hey, right, this ones better than the retard stories. When i was in Kindergarten i was riding the van home from school one day and there was this legit midget girl who sat in the seat in front of me. Her name was Megan. She was the bitchiest little cunt ever. So anyways, i'm talking to her all nice and what not, because truth be told, i was an empathetic youngin with a rat tail and racing stripe hair cut, and didn't want her to feel bad that she was an ugly midget who had a twin brother who was taller than her. So we start playing with my matchbox car and talking about Punky Brewster. I told her that I thought Cherry was cute, and this little cunt said "no way, she's black." So i told her to give me my car back. She threw it at my face, then with her disgusting uncut finger nails slashed across my young white chest, tearing my white tshirt and leaving gouges that hurt for days. I had to tell my friends the next day that i got scratched by a midget. Now, well, i saw her a few years ago at 7-11, bitch has kids and was buying one of those fake roses in the glass tube that crackheads always scoop up. Shit was fucked up.

When i was 15, i was banging my girlfriend her in bedroom. Her parents, stupidly, allowed us to keep the door closed all the time. So we're going at it right on her bed in the middle of the day, waiting to eat supper. We're not fully unclothed, you know how it is when youre a youngin going for the quickness, pants around the knees and ankles are perfect. So anyways, i'm in the height of my teenage thrust of lust and as my bum is in the air, ready to spear her supple, young vag, her 11 year old sister walks into the bedroom and screams "GROSS!" and runs outta the room crying. I rolled of the bed and my girlfriend starting crying and freaking out. Her mom came to the room and slapped her. I then had to sit down with her parents and "explain" myself. Then, they gave me a ride to my parents house and made me talk with them..... I stuck to my story that i was just fingering her though, somehow, someway, i pulled it off. But, we were never allowed to close the door again.
Obviously it is scary at the time, but explain yourself? You should have told them about the birds and the bees, and explained that you knew they understood, otherwise they wouldn't even have a daughter to defile.


hahahah. in hindsight sure, that would've been great. But at just barely 15 i was a pretty respectful kid to this girls parents cause they were super cool to me. Her mom used to stock up the fridge with Mountain Dew and Funny Bones for me, let me sleep over, picked up my skaterat stoner friends for me, you know, it was a good situation. I was embarrased as fuck really.

One time though, her mom was driving me home and the girl, her name was kristen, had been giving me shit about one of my buddies. I was ripshit. So we're arguing in the backseat of the car and her mom decides to interject and tell me to relax. I ignored her that i wouldn't yell at her, again trying to be as respectful as i thought i could be. The fucking lady jumps in again, and again. I finally just yelled out loud "LINDA! stop the fucking car i'm walking back to my house, now!" She refused and kept driving. I yelled this for the remainder of the ride home. Kristen started crying as i'm getting angrier, but the little cunt shouldn't have started talking shit about frankie and skating. Haha, the best part is that i did feel bad about yelling at her mom, BUT, the next time i saw her mom, she apologized to me for butting into my argument. Shit was tight.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Gold Toof on September 01, 2009, 11:26:59 PM
I think we've all ahd moms complain about us taking hour long showers.

haha the story of my early masturbation years.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Miadaskate on September 01, 2009, 11:59:22 PM
First off, I'd just like to state that this thread, the "shitty boyfriend thread", and many others on Whatever are just fucking awesome. I don't even go to Useless Wooden Toy Banter anymore, I just keep going to Whatever and reading all the hilarious stories that you guys have been posting. I'm fucking dying at the shit you guys have been writing. I'm going to try to contribute to this thread, but anything I post is nowhere near as sick as the rest of this thread.

One day at lunch in 8th grade, I was sitting around with my friends like usual. Then I felt a fart coming on. So I tilt to the side, and let this loud ass fart ricochet off the cafeteria table. It was so fucking loud, it was hilarious. Then, I felt like I had one more in me. So once again, I tilt to the side, and I let out...something. It didn't feel like a fart, and it didn't feel like a shit. Perhaps it was a shart. It just felt like nothing, until I got up. That's when I knew that I had clearly just shat in my pants. I only had 1 more class after lunch, so right after lunch I ran into the bathroom. I cleaned most of the shit out of my underwear with paper towels. I think I may have taken the underwear off and just free balled it, i can't remember. Then, for some reason, I thought it would be a great idea if I just stuffed my underwear or pants with paper towels, just in case I had to shit again. I went to Math with my pants fucking stuffed with paper towels. I knew I had to smell. I always wondered if people knew. 

I also shit my pants my Junior year of High School. That's pretty fucking embarassing. I think I was having weird gas and farts that whole day, and then I just started getting really bad prairie dogs. I got back to class, and at this point my shit is letting me know that I need to fucking go. So I get my book for my teacher to sign so I can go to the bathroom, and it was too late. I just fucking shat my pants. Again. I couldn't even try and hold it in. The shit had the upper hand and just forced its way out. So even though my shit was already done, I left and ran to the bathroom. Shit was everywhere. It was so bad that I just decided to remove my underwear and I threw them in the trash. Somehow, my best friend knew what happened. I guess he could smell me.

I'll post more stories when I can think of them. I truly have awkward moments every day of my life.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: you took to much on September 02, 2009, 12:46:32 AM
there was a tequila company launch party a few weeks ago, and after double fisting tequila on the rocks for almost 2 hours, i left with some friends, slammed two full cups and started to puke. unfortunetly when i tightened up my stomach muscles to puke, i also tightened my sphincter muscles, causing me to have a big ol sloppy wet shit in my pants. i dont wear underwear, and i was so drunk i couldnt really tell so i told my friends something like "i think i shit my pants." i got in the car and, sure enough, it smelled like a shit took a dump. my friends were going "ARRHHhH" so we stopped at a 7-11, i barged into the back and got in the bathroom and proceeded to scrub all the shit out with every paper towel they had in there. it smelt SO bad man. such a vile dump. anyways, i spend a solid 15 minutes drunk cleaning, and when i leave theres a pile of paper towels almost 2 feet out of the toilet, all with some light brown wet stains on them. then i went and partied the rest of the night at some open bar party on top of a roof, it was incredible. nobody knew what was in my pants. and i mean shit this time, not the king ding-a-ling.

oh yeah, i realize that this is "awkward stories from your youth" but i just wanted miadaskate to feel better because shit my pants to, and im fuckin 23.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: rocklobster on September 02, 2009, 01:32:59 AM
back in 2005 my girlfriend came back after a year of studying in cali... all was good for a while but we were drifting apart and starting fighting alot... the only upside was the crazy post-fight sex which was the freakiest sex ive have to date... so one time she decides to take photos of us doing the deed and sucking my knob, which i had no problem with...  so about a week or so later we have this massive fight and break up, and we meet up to talk shit out...  halfway through an already painful talk with her, her mom gives her a call and says that he found the pictures of us fucking...  long story short, i had to meet her parents for this awkward seafood dinner with her mom asking me when i was going to marry her daughter and how i was planning on supporting her unpure daughter...  the worse part was that they wanted to meet my mom for dinner to discuss our actions...  the good thing was that my mom was super chill about it...  she just told my ex's mom "thats what young ppl do...." and thats pretty much the end of that....

ive said this story in the "gnarly jobs" thread a couple of weeks ago but i dont mind repeating it, its pretty recent but whatever...  i work at a bar and theres a tranny there called Natasha, a thai ladyboy...  shes taller than me, has a deeper voice, and broader shoulders than me, but his/her penis has been snipped off...  honestly speaking natasha is not an attractive man nor woman, but she still has a good flow of rich customers who blow hundreds of their tourist dollars on her... best thing is that she/he is madly in love with me and would profess his/her love to me on a daily basis... here are a few of his/her choice quotes:

"ken (me), are you sick?  need me to give you injection??"

"oh ken, you like cooking with your family?? i like cooking too! my speciality is sausage!!"

"so ken you study psychology?? maybe you can read my mind... help me understand why i think about sex all the time..."

Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Beer Keg Peg Leg on September 02, 2009, 04:45:41 AM
I have a friend called Gabe who is my best friend ever. He was the freakiest motherfucker ever from about the age of 8. One day I was at his house, chillin' and playin' some halo on xbox. We are getting bored and his dad is walking around the house doing random stuff. Gabe says 'follow me' and goes out into the hallway where his dad is. I watch from the hallway as gabe pulls down his pants, and shows his dad a complete fruitbowl complete with boner and spread ass cheeks. It was fucking disgusting. His dad kicked him in the balls from behind as hard as he could and then smacked him upside the head and said to me 'do you do fucked up shit like that to your parents?' I said 'no sir' and went back to playing some halo.

Another time me and him were talking to a girl at school that I liked. I was laying the mack down when Gabe chimes in and says 'I really want to shove a broom handle up a girls pussy and then spin her around on it and drink all the blood that pours out'.

He also forced me to film what shit coming out of his asshole so he could see what it looked like.= while I was staying at his house one weekend, it was horrible but he was strong as hell and would punch me otherwise.

Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Hola on September 02, 2009, 04:52:21 AM
damn, it was deleted the first time, but my mother was telling me a story about how my sister and i would play circus when we were really young. my mom's room was the tent and she had one of those stuffed animal nets that you hang on the wall in the corner of her room. well, one day i decided for the main event i was going to bounce off the bed and hang by that net with my teeth. it didn't end well. she said i had a bloody mouth and ripped some teeth out. i was an intelligent youngster.

the first time my parent's found porn on the family computer wasn't much fun either.

seriously, that shit was bad.  i didnt know what words to type in at first so i would type shit like "hot nipples" "fantastic tit", i was sitting on the couch and my mom was on the computer when she discovered the internet search history, she was saying shit like "ms. april's nipples? what the fuck is this?"  all i could do was wait it out.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: 13callsBS on September 02, 2009, 07:51:44 AM
I have a friend called Gabe who is my best friend ever. He was the freakiest motherfucker ever from about the age of 8. One day I was at his house, chillin' and playin' some halo on xbox. We are getting bored and his dad is walking around the house doing random stuff. Gabe says 'follow me' and goes out into the hallway where his dad is. I watch from the hallway as gabe pulls down his pants, and shows his dad a complete fruitbowl complete with boner and spread ass cheeks. It was fucking disgusting. His dad kicked him in the balls from behind as hard as he could and then smacked him upside the head and said to me 'do you do fucked up shit like that to your parents?' I said 'no sir' and went back to playing some halo.

Another time me and him were talking to a girl at school that I liked. I was laying the mack down when Gabe chimes in and says 'I really want to shove a broom handle up a girls pussy and then spin her around on it and drink all the blood that pours out'.

He also forced me to film what shit coming out of his asshole so he could see what it looked like.= while I was staying at his house one weekend, it was horrible but he was strong as hell and would punch me otherwise.



What the fuck.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Donkey Lips on September 02, 2009, 11:07:39 AM
when i was in kindergarten i used to ride the bus with this blonde girl sarah.  she kept telling everyone i was her boyfriend and i denied it.  she tried tickeling me infront of the whole bus to prove that we were a cute little couple.  my knee-jerk reaction was to punch her in the face.  i didnt intend to do that.  more or less it was the heisman trophy pose to keep her away and i palm punched her straight in her nose.  blood everywhere.  i got called to the principles office in school the next day with my parents and had to apologize.  that same girl hired me to be the photographer at her wedding last year.  she jokingly introduced me to her husband as 'the first dude who punched her in the face' (which means there have been others since).  he was a big dude and was not impressed.  that was a fun wedding to photograph.

when i was 13 my friends constantly tried to get me to trip.  one of them slipped me acid while i was sleeping.  that was awkward as i had no idea why the fuck the walls were yawning when i woke up.

the first time i ever got drunk i had an awkward night.  i drank two pbr tallies over the course of like 3 hours and i was smashed.  my friends dropped me off at my house and i got a phone call from this girl i wanted to bone.  i snuck out of my house for the first time in this ellaborate mission impossible technique called 'jumping out of the window of your bedroom on the 2nd floor'.  that sucked.  i walked 3 miles to this girls house where i drank like a zima or something and passed out in her little brother fort.  i woke up in complete darkness to some chick trying to put a condom on me.  being drunk and confused i basically freaked out and screamed at the chick.  i had no idea who she was at the time.  i ran 3 miles home missing my shirt and shoes that i left in the fort.  i think i still had the condom half on the whole time.  everytime i saw a car i was completely sure it was my sister who was driving home from a party and would tell my mom...so i dove head first into ditches every single time a car passed.  i eventually got home, snuck into bed, woke up and convinced myself it was a dream because there's no way i would do that shit for real.  3 months later the chick came up to me at work and apologized for what she did.  i was super confused and then it hit me that it wasn't a dream.  too bad cause she was hot, and had i not been a confused little bitch when i woke up, i wouldve gladly handed her my virginity on a silver platter.  my manager overheard the whole conversation and used to make fun of me all the time.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Donkey Lips on September 02, 2009, 11:10:28 AM
everyone's posts in this are completely fucking awesome.  i needed this.  i've been sitting in a quiet office for the last hour trying to breathe out laughter.  it's not going over very well.  bipsmound story is the greatest fucking thing ever.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Ronald Wilson Reagan on September 02, 2009, 12:31:11 PM
Hey, right, this ones better than the retard stories. When i was in Kindergarten i was riding the van home from school one day and there was this legit midget girl who sat in the seat in front of me. Her name was Megan. She was the bitchiest little cunt ever. So anyways, i'm talking to her all nice and what not, because truth be told, i was an empathetic youngin with a rat tail and racing stripe hair cut, and didn't want her to feel bad that she was an ugly midget who had a twin brother who was taller than her. So we start playing with my matchbox car and talking about Punky Brewster. I told her that I thought Cherry was cute, and this little cunt said "no way, she's black." So i told her to give me my car back. She threw it at my face, then with her disgusting uncut finger nails slashed across my young white chest, tearing my white tshirt and leaving gouges that hurt for days. I had to tell my friends the next day that i got scratched by a midget. Now, well, i saw her a few years ago at 7-11, bitch has kids and was buying one of those fake roses in the glass tube that crackheads always scoop up. Shit was fucked up.

When i was 15, i was banging my girlfriend her in bedroom. Her parents, stupidly, allowed us to keep the door closed all the time. So we're going at it right on her bed in the middle of the day, waiting to eat supper. We're not fully unclothed, you know how it is when youre a youngin going for the quickness, pants around the knees and ankles are perfect. So anyways, i'm in the height of my teenage thrust of lust and as my bum is in the air, ready to spear her supple, young vag, her 11 year old sister walks into the bedroom and screams "GROSS!" and runs outta the room crying. I rolled of the bed and my girlfriend starting crying and freaking out. Her mom came to the room and slapped her. I then had to sit down with her parents and "explain" myself. Then, they gave me a ride to my parents house and made me talk with them..... I stuck to my story that i was just fingering her though, somehow, someway, i pulled it off. But, we were never allowed to close the door again.
Obviously it is scary at the time, but explain yourself? You should have told them about the birds and the bees, and explained that you knew they understood, otherwise they wouldn't even have a daughter to defile.


hahahah. in hindsight sure, that would've been great. But at just barely 15 i was a pretty respectful kid to this girls parents cause they were super cool to me. Her mom used to stock up the fridge with Mountain Dew and Funny Bones for me, let me sleep over, picked up my skaterat stoner friends for me, you know, it was a good situation. I was embarrased as fuck really.

One time though, her mom was driving me home and the girl, her name was kristen, had been giving me shit about one of my buddies. I was ripshit. So we're arguing in the backseat of the car and her mom decides to interject and tell me to relax. I ignored her that i wouldn't yell at her, again trying to be as respectful as i thought i could be. The fucking lady jumps in again, and again. I finally just yelled out loud "LINDA! stop the fucking car i'm walking back to my house, now!" She refused and kept driving. I yelled this for the remainder of the ride home. Kristen started crying as i'm getting angrier, but the little cunt shouldn't have started talking shit about frankie and skating. Haha, the best part is that i did feel bad about yelling at her mom, BUT, the next time i saw her mom, she apologized to me for butting into my argument. Shit was tight.
Oh, I wouldn't expect you to talk shit, but really? They let you sleep over with their daughter that you were dating, and they didn't think you guys were fucking? Are you kidding me?
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: rattlehead on September 02, 2009, 12:50:22 PM
One time I was walking home from a session in my old town, and suddenly I feel like shitting. It took like 5 seconds from when I first felt it til I just had to pull my pants down. I was walking on the side of the main road going through the town. So I unzipped my pants, tried to bend a little bit forward and my ass just exploded. Like when you press the end of a hose, it went everywhere, into the bushes, on my legs, on my boxer, the sidewalk. So there I am, standing there like an idiot with cars passing. Pulled my pants on and did the crab walk all the way home. Didn't know how to work the washing machine so I just threw away my clothes so nobody in the house would find out.

This story is kinda gay, but I was watching a video with my best friend, drinking sodas and stuff. I felt a fart coming so naturally I get up, unzip my pants to release it in his face. Well the floor was slippery, and he caught up on my thoughts and pushed me in the back, my feet slipped away. And of course the soda bottle was standing on the floor right underneath me. Painful, funny as hell and very awkward. I'm just glad the bottles got that plastic halo thing near the top of the bottle neck so I didn't puncture my lung or something.

Got a few more but forgot them as I was writing this down.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: odp on September 02, 2009, 12:51:28 PM
^^^^
no joke, man. it was a great situation for me. Some parents like to live in Catholic denial. Man, it's a beautiful thing.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: yeah dude! on September 02, 2009, 01:10:29 PM
About 5 years ago my girlfriend was living in Italy for awhile and we'd email non-stop for most of the day. One day, 4 months into her trip and 6 days before I was flying over to see her, I sent her a pretty explicit email telling her the things I was going to do to her when I got there. After I hit send I got a warning from Gmail telling me I forgot to select a recipient. As anyone with Gmail knows, if you start typing someones name you get a list of all your contacts that match the letters you've typed. Well, her name is Daina so after I typed "Da" I selected her email from the list and hit send. Only after I got a response from my Dad that said "I love you too" did I realize what I had done. To make matters worse, this was during the Summer I spent working at his law firm and he was about 20 feet away from me in his office.

Another time during the same Summer at the law firm I went to take a piss. The bathroom had two urinals and when I walked in one of the lawyers was standing in one of them so I took the empty one to his left and starting going. About 10 seconds in he turns and looks directly at me and says, while still pissing, "Do you ever start going number 1 and then all of a sudden have to go number 2?". Then without saying another word he stopped pissing, zipped up his pants, and went into a stall. That was awkward for sure.

Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Goblinshark on September 03, 2009, 02:51:31 AM

Another time during the same Summer at the law firm I went to take a piss. The bathroom had two urinals and when I walked in one of the lawyers was standing in one of them so I took the empty one to his left and starting going. About 10 seconds in he turns and looks directly at me and says, while still pissing, "Do you ever start going number 1 and then all of a sudden have to go number 2?". Then without saying another word he stopped pissing, zipped up his pants, and went into a stall. That was awkward for sure.



For some reason I couldn't stop laughing at the last three sentences and have been reading them over and over.

Once I came in a girls eye and had to help her down the hall past my girl roomates' (who had lent me the condoms) room into the bathroom while she was screaming how it burned. Then she later got me back by perioding all over my hand when I was knuckles deep. My roommate still makes fun of me for that night but I make fun of her back for banging my friend when she was blacked out drunk.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: stabbin on September 03, 2009, 03:02:05 AM

Another time during the same Summer at the law firm I went to take a piss. The bathroom had two urinals and when I walked in one of the lawyers was standing in one of them so I took the empty one to his left and starting going. About 10 seconds in he turns and looks directly at me and says, while still pissing, "Do you ever start going number 1 and then all of a sudden have to go number 2?". Then without saying another word he stopped pissing, zipped up his pants, and went into a stall. That was awkward for sure.



For some reason I couldn't stop laughing at the last three sentences and have been reading them over and over.

Once I came in a girls eye and had to help her down the hall past my girl roomates' (who had lent me the condoms) room into the bathroom while she was screaming how it burned. Then she later got me back by perioding all over my hand when I was knuckles deep. My roommate still makes fun of me for that night but I make fun of her back for banging my friend when she was blacked out drunk.
I'm unaware of what that actually means?  I've fucked many a chick while on their period and I'm still confused by this.  So you got period blood on you or...?  I don't really see that as getting you back at all, but maybe im just too comfortable with period blood though.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Goblinshark on September 03, 2009, 03:41:13 AM

Another time during the same Summer at the law firm I went to take a piss. The bathroom had two urinals and when I walked in one of the lawyers was standing in one of them so I took the empty one to his left and starting going. About 10 seconds in he turns and looks directly at me and says, while still pissing, "Do you ever start going number 1 and then all of a sudden have to go number 2?". Then without saying another word he stopped pissing, zipped up his pants, and went into a stall. That was awkward for sure.



For some reason I couldn't stop laughing at the last three sentences and have been reading them over and over.

Once I came in a girls eye and had to help her down the hall past my girl roomates' (who had lent me the condoms) room into the bathroom while she was screaming how it burned. Then she later got me back by perioding all over my hand when I was knuckles deep. My roommate still makes fun of me for that night but I make fun of her back for banging my friend when she was blacked out drunk.
I'm unaware of what that actually means?  I've fucked many a chick while on their period and I'm still confused by this.  So you got period blood on you or...?  I don't really see that as getting you back at all, but maybe im just too comfortable with period blood though.

It was my first encounter with the stuff so I didn't quite know if it was cool to proceed or not. plus, it stained my sheets
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: stabbin on September 03, 2009, 03:44:58 AM

Another time during the same Summer at the law firm I went to take a piss. The bathroom had two urinals and when I walked in one of the lawyers was standing in one of them so I took the empty one to his left and starting going. About 10 seconds in he turns and looks directly at me and says, while still pissing, "Do you ever start going number 1 and then all of a sudden have to go number 2?". Then without saying another word he stopped pissing, zipped up his pants, and went into a stall. That was awkward for sure.



For some reason I couldn't stop laughing at the last three sentences and have been reading them over and over.

Once I came in a girls eye and had to help her down the hall past my girl roomates' (who had lent me the condoms) room into the bathroom while she was screaming how it burned. Then she later got me back by perioding all over my hand when I was knuckles deep. My roommate still makes fun of me for that night but I make fun of her back for banging my friend when she was blacked out drunk.
I'm unaware of what that actually means?  I've fucked many a chick while on their period and I'm still confused by this.  So you got period blood on you or...?  I don't really see that as getting you back at all, but maybe im just too comfortable with period blood though.

It was my first encounter with the stuff so I didn't quite know if it was cool to proceed or not. plus, it stained my sheets
Well for future reference, ALWAYS proceed.   We have Walmarts and bleach for damn good reasons.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Beer Keg Peg Leg on September 03, 2009, 04:24:28 AM
One time I was walking home from a session in my old town, and suddenly I feel like shitting. It took like 5 seconds from when I first felt it til I just had to pull my pants down. I was walking on the side of the main road going through the town. So I unzipped my pants, tried to bend a little bit forward and my ass just exploded. Like when you press the end of a hose, it went everywhere, into the bushes, on my legs, on my boxer, the sidewalk. So there I am, standing there like an idiot with cars passing. Pulled my pants on and did the crab walk all the way home. Didn't know how to work the washing machine so I just threw away my clothes so nobody in the house would find out.

This story is kinda gay, but I was watching a video with my best friend, drinking sodas and stuff. I felt a fart coming so naturally I get up, unzip my pants to release it in his face. Well the floor was slippery, and he caught up on my thoughts and pushed me in the back, my feet slipped away. And of course the soda bottle was standing on the floor right underneath me. Painful, funny as hell and very awkward. I'm just glad the bottles got that plastic halo thing near the top of the bottle neck so I didn't puncture my lung or something.

Got a few more but forgot them as I was writing this down.


Wait, so the bottle went up your ass?
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Smurph on September 03, 2009, 05:29:46 AM
i dont wear underwear
I was laying the mack down
Seriously, wow!
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: EricLogan on September 03, 2009, 09:45:13 PM
one time on my walk home from elementary school, I stumbled apon one of those shitty ass porn video brochures that were about the size and thickness of romance novels, and it's full of nothing but thumbnail-sized photos of chicks with their tits out and phone numbers to order the videos from. anyway, I took it home with intent to wank, but knew it would be too risky to take it inside, so instead I took it deep down into the gultch behind my house, beat off in the woods, and then hid it inside a hole in the side of a dead tree

I returned to this spot and jacked off to it every day for like two weeks, and then one day I went down there to get my stroke on, and it had mysteriously vanished forever.

I imagine some other dude that lived near us probably witnessed this spectical and decided he didn't want to see me jack off from his back yard anymore and threw it away. Either that or he himself wanted to jack off to it and stole it from me.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: McCly on September 03, 2009, 10:01:30 PM
About 5 years ago my girlfriend was living in Italy for awhile and we'd email non-stop for most of the day. One day, 4 months into her trip and 6 days before I was flying over to see her, I sent her a pretty explicit email telling her the things I was going to do to her when I got there. After I hit send I got a warning from Gmail telling me I forgot to select a recipient. As anyone with Gmail knows, if you start typing someones name you get a list of all your contacts that match the letters you've typed. Well, her name is Daina so after I typed "Da" I selected her email from the list and hit send. Only after I got a response from my Dad that said "I love you too" did I realize what I had done. To make matters worse, this was during the Summer I spent working at his law firm and he was about 20 feet away from me in his office.



awkward as fuck
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: ccc333 on September 03, 2009, 10:20:49 PM
I was like 7 years old and I was a ring boy for one of my uncle's wedding and I was standing up there on the stage waiting for the preacher to do his thing.  I had to peeee soooo bad I didnt know what to do standing up there.  I was figgiting and whatever and I couldnt hold it any longer.  I ended up pissing myself on stage in front of everybody.  It soaked my crotch area and started running down my pant legs and into my sock.  I tried my best to not let my pants touch it.  I think I got away with it cuz no one said shit.  But pretty much the whole day until I got home I was walking around in piss-soaked undies and socks.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: VeganShawn on September 03, 2009, 10:37:21 PM
one time on my walk home from elementary school, I stumbled apon one of those shitty ass porn video brochures that were about the size and thickness of romance novels, and it's full of nothing but thumbnail-sized photos of chicks with their tits out and phone numbers to order the videos from. anyway, I took it home with intent to wank, but knew it would be too risky to take it inside, so instead I took it deep down into the gultch behind my house, beat off in the woods, and then hid it inside a hole in the side of a dead tree

I returned to this spot and jacked off to it every day for like two weeks, and then one day I went down there to get my stroke on, and it had mysteriously vanished forever.

I imagine some other dude that lived near us probably witnessed this spectical and decided he didn't want to see me jack off from his back yard anymore and threw it away. Either that or he himself wanted to jack off to it and stole it from me.

LOL
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Guile on September 03, 2009, 11:06:38 PM
ok so the first one: It was my first serious girlfriend and I, being one of the only 3 skaterbois in our town, ended up getting one of the hotter girls at school. so about 3 or so weeks into it we are at her place watching some shit disney cartoon and i decide to make some moves. Now for the past 3 weeks all my friends were doing the little teen shit where they ask you about everything possible and talk about pussy and tits non-stop so i had some pretty fucked up expectations. I had already gotten some breast work in and i was ready for some sweet sweeti clam. i start sliding my hand down her pants and i feel the 80's afro and i know im near the gold mine, so i keep going. at this point ive realized this is more hair than i could ever wish to have on my head and im getting kind of grossed out but i need to touch it, i need to feel the sweet soft spot i had seen in hustler and club so many times.

so i finally get to it, and its soaking wet. i feel like im going to start crying im so excited. and naturally at that age i have no idea what im doing so i diddle around a bunch like Michael J Fox with finger paints. i did this for probably half an hour when suddenly her parents call us upstairs for dinner. as we start going up the stairs, her infront of me, i decide to give my fingers a quick and subtle sniff. its the finest scent i had ever had. everything i imagined it would be, and more. there was nothing like it and i couldnt believe how good and powerful it was. i was dreaming of this for so many years..... then i snap out of it and realize not only have i stopped mid way up the stairs, but she is staring right at me, along with her mom and dad at the top of the stairs. i thought fast and pretended to be scratching my upper lip but not a word was said during dinner and we didnt talk again until about a year ago when she moved to my city for school.


the second one: so it was a couple years after the first one and me and my new girlfriend had been playing the "lets do it everywhere we can get caught" game. we had never got caught and we were pretty stoked on how hard we were killing it. now this girl was a freak, a pervert. i was still at the beginning of my little sexual life and i had experienced things that would make Hughe Hefners balls drop. we used to always watch movies in her room but with the sound off and go at it over and over again for hours. we werent even kissing, just teens4cash style super fucking like we had been bucking lines of powdered redbull cut with meth.

so one night we are going at it and decided to play the anal boink game. we are plowing away on the floor, with nothing covering us because we are idiots, when i hear feet land at the top of the stairs beside the door. quickily thinking i pull the blanket off the bed beside us and huck it over us with one arm, her mom comes in and sees us laying on the floor watching conair with the sound off, i have no shirt on and shes in just a bra. she is panting away and says between breathes "its so fucking hot in here mom, check the heater downstairs". so her and her mom get into this arguement about the heat while im STILL currently balls deep in her asshole, trying my hardest not to start crying and shit myself on the floor beside her naked daughter. eventually she left and i pulled out and went home and re-thought my life. i just moved a block away from her so life is about to get interesting.

and the last one (Pretty much all my awkward moments have been sexual because i have terrible luck and never think out what im doing):

My friend is trying to hump this girl at school but she isnt giving it up, so finally they plan a movie night and she is bringing her cockblock friend. so he tells me to come along and keep her busy while he plays doctor in the other room. i agree because i know something awesome will come of it. I may be a shit person but sometimes im a good friend. sometimes....

so the night comes and we are all in the tv room upstairs, watching some movie in the dark when the cockblock friend starts jabbering. i have no idea what she is saying because she is a woman, and i dont care. so somehow we walk out of the room so she can show me something in her room. she closes the door and jumps on me. she wasnt ugly but she wasnt super hot so i just let it happen because im 17 and my penis is my only prized possession. so we are making out for a while, with the brightest lights i have ever seen on and she decideds to rip my pants off and start blowing me. the fucking day is mine!

a few minutes go by, just enough for me to close my eyes and start enjoying it when she suddenly stops. i layed there for a few more seconds expecting her to continue but she didnt. i open my eyes and she is sitting on the side of the bed with her back to me and i look over her shoulder. Her massive father is standing in the doorway looking at his topless daughter with her panties around her ankles, with some skrawny pussy laying beside her, with a shiny wet boner. Immediatly i go deer in the headlights and freeze up with the most incredible fear i have ever felt. this man is fucking huge, like a fucking giant, and he is enraged. its dead silent for what seems like an eternity when she mumbles out "daddy..." and her dad says nothing for a couple more seconds. for some fucking reason (to this day i cant figure it out, maybe the stress and pressure just got to me) i burst into the craziest laughter i have ever had. tears in my fucking eyes giggling and saying sorry every breathe i get. he stomps out of the room and she chases after him, so i pull up my pants and run as fast as i can to the tv room to grab my friend and get the fuck out. not only is he ready to go, hes pushing me out the door. we ran for a good block then laughed all the way back to my house. i never spoke to that chick again even though she was in nearly all my classes.

i still feel bad that he never got anything that night because when me and cockblock left the room all the girl he was with did was talk about what me and the other girl were probably doing.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: ccc333 on September 03, 2009, 11:16:42 PM
that last story is the best. hahahaha
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Ben Throttle on September 03, 2009, 11:29:00 PM
Some of these just don't seem real. They're certainly well thought out fiction stories if so
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: EricLogan on September 04, 2009, 04:08:38 AM
oh my god, Guile. I saw the face of God when I read your stories

you've no idea what amount of joy you've just bestowed upon me with said trifecta of awesome.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Guile on September 04, 2009, 10:32:04 AM
and now im single for the first time in my life so i can promise much worse stories to come.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: odp on September 04, 2009, 10:49:56 AM
guile, you're a funny guy. go get some more stories in singlehood.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Donkey Lips on September 04, 2009, 12:40:15 PM
and now im single for the first time in my life so i can promise much worse stories to come.
these stories are more heavily anticipated than the last season of LOST.  you go make us proud guile.  i can't wait to hear the poetry that comes from this.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: yeah dude! on September 04, 2009, 12:52:06 PM
Now this is spooky...

A few minutes ago I was sitting in my cubicle at work cracking open the fortune cookie that came with the let down of lunch I just ate.
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v600/anbarns/fortune.jpg)

I read it and think to myself, "If only fortune cookies weren't total bullshit....".

Immediately after putting it down I read Guile's stories. I am 100% definitely buying a lotto ticket with those number. Guile, I'm giving you half when I hit the jackpot.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: frisco on September 04, 2009, 12:57:20 PM

so the night comes and we are all in the tv room upstairs, watching some movie in the dark when the cockblock friend starts jabbering. i have no idea what she is saying because she is a woman, and i dont care. so somehow we walk out of the room so she can show me something in her room. she closes the door and jumps on me. she wasnt ugly but she wasnt super hot so i just let it happen because im 17 and my penis is my only prized possession. so we are making out for a while, with the brightest lights i have ever seen on and she decideds to rip my pants off and start blowing me. the fucking day is mine!

a few minutes go by, just enough for me to close my eyes and start enjoying it when she suddenly stops. i layed there for a few more seconds expecting her to continue but she didnt. i open my eyes and she is sitting on the side of the bed with her back to me and i look over her shoulder. Her massive father is standing in the doorway looking at his topless daughter with her panties around her ankles, with some skrawny pussy laying beside her, with a shiny wet boner. Immediatly i go deer in the headlights and freeze up with the most incredible fear i have ever felt. this man is fucking huge, like a fucking giant, and he is enraged. its dead silent for what seems like an eternity when she mumbles out "daddy..." and her dad says nothing for a couple more seconds. for some fucking reason (to this day i cant figure it out, maybe the stress and pressure just got to me) i burst into the craziest laughter i have ever had. tears in my fucking eyes giggling and saying sorry every breathe i get. he stomps out of the room and she chases after him, so i pull up my pants and run as fast as i can to the tv room to grab my friend and get the fuck out. not only is he ready to go, hes pushing me out the door. we ran for a good block then laughed all the way back to my house. i never spoke to that chick again even though she was in nearly all my classes.

i still feel bad that he never got anything that night because when me and cockblock left the room all the girl he was with did was talk about what me and the other girl were probably doing.

so yea wwe can just end this thread right here

the last story is fucking ridiculous, I started laughing picturing that dad standing there
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: scootboard on September 04, 2009, 01:16:18 PM
this isnt an awkward story about me, but keeps in line with all the retarded kid stories. at my elementary school we had the "rsp" class full of the special kids who shared lunch time recess with us. i used to hate the noon- aides at my school (whose only prerequisites were to be obese/ wear tight cotton pants at all times) my least favorite noon- aide, ms almarez, had a daughter that went to my school at the time too. in fifth grade, the elementary school geniuses instituted a "freeze bell" which is basically a bell that goes off at the end of recess meaning you have to "freeze" and wait to be dismissed back to class.

parth was the quiet kid in the special class, who never really made any noises, and put way too many H's into his speech when he did. he was also known for regulating the lunch lines, and weeding out the cutters. but he was a rad dude. one day after recess the freeze bell went off and everybody stopped their lunch time activities and froze. but not parth. from across the whole playing field he took off in a full on sprint towards ms almarez's daughter. everybody was silent, watching him run. at full speed he tackled the daughter to the ground and in a haze of dust/ glory, proceeded to hump her for a good thirty seconds while she screamed for someone to "get this retard off me, get this retard off me." everybody was in awe, remaining still as the 400 something pound noon- aide came running to her daughters rescue. after some struggle, they took a much satisfied parth off the playground while all of fourth and fifth grade cheered.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: stabbin on September 04, 2009, 01:17:52 PM
for some fucking reason (to this day i cant figure it out, maybe the stress and pressure just got to me) i burst into the craziest laughter i have ever had. tears in my fucking eyes giggling and saying sorry every breathe i get.
Fucking amazing
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Guile on September 04, 2009, 01:26:51 PM
i think it was mainly fear that made me laugh. her dad was seriously football playing ufc tribal tattoo large and i was terrified. now that im living back in that city i wonder if shes still around... the couple minutes of good before the titan showed up was pleasent and i could use some of that right now. only this time im doing in the forrest or something, far away from andre the giant.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: stabbin on September 04, 2009, 01:31:37 PM
i think it was mainly fear that made me laugh. her dad was seriously football playing ufc tribal tattoo large and i was terrified. now that im living back in that city i wonder if shes still around... the couple minutes of good before the titan showed up was pleasent and i could use some of that right now. only this time im doing in the forrest or something, far away from andre the giant.
I think she owes you one anyway.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: rocklobster on September 04, 2009, 06:59:53 PM

so the night comes and we are all in the tv room upstairs, watching some movie in the dark when the cockblock friend starts jabbering. i have no idea what she is saying because she is a woman, and i dont care. so somehow we walk out of the room so she can show me something in her room. she closes the door and jumps on me. she wasnt ugly but she wasnt super hot so i just let it happen because im 17 and my penis is my only prized possession. so we are making out for a while, with the brightest lights i have ever seen on and she decideds to rip my pants off and start blowing me. the fucking day is mine!

a few minutes go by, just enough for me to close my eyes and start enjoying it when she suddenly stops. i layed there for a few more seconds expecting her to continue but she didnt. i open my eyes and she is sitting on the side of the bed with her back to me and i look over her shoulder. Her massive father is standing in the doorway looking at his topless daughter with her panties around her ankles, with some skrawny pussy laying beside her, with a shiny wet boner. Immediatly i go deer in the headlights and freeze up with the most incredible fear i have ever felt. this man is fucking huge, like a fucking giant, and he is enraged. its dead silent for what seems like an eternity when she mumbles out "daddy..." and her dad says nothing for a couple more seconds. for some fucking reason (to this day i cant figure it out, maybe the stress and pressure just got to me) i burst into the craziest laughter i have ever had. tears in my fucking eyes giggling and saying sorry every breathe i get. he stomps out of the room and she chases after him, so i pull up my pants and run as fast as i can to the tv room to grab my friend and get the fuck out. not only is he ready to go, hes pushing me out the door. we ran for a good block then laughed all the way back to my house. i never spoke to that chick again even though she was in nearly all my classes.

i still feel bad that he never got anything that night because when me and cockblock left the room all the girl he was with did was talk about what me and the other girl were probably doing.

so yea wwe can just end this thread right here

the last story is fucking ridiculous, I started laughing picturing that dad standing there

beat me to it....

one time on my walk home from elementary school, I stumbled apon one of those shitty ass porn video brochures that were about the size and thickness of romance novels, and it's full of nothing but thumbnail-sized photos of chicks with their tits out and phone numbers to order the videos from. anyway, I took it home with intent to wank, but knew it would be too risky to take it inside, so instead I took it deep down into the gultch behind my house, beat off in the woods, and then hid it inside a hole in the side of a dead tree

I returned to this spot and jacked off to it every day for like two weeks, and then one day I went down there to get my stroke on, and it had mysteriously vanished forever.

I imagine some other dude that lived near us probably witnessed this spectical and decided he didn't want to see me jack off from his back yard anymore and threw it away. Either that or he himself wanted to jack off to it and stole it from me.

LOL

eric logans story had me laughing out loud, reminded me of a thread a few weeks back about a mysterious porn stash in the woods....
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Goblinshark on September 04, 2009, 09:27:32 PM

so the night comes and we are all in the tv room upstairs, watching some movie in the dark when the cockblock friend starts jabbering. i have no idea what she is saying because she is a woman, and i dont care. so somehow we walk out of the room so she can show me something in her room. she closes the door and jumps on me. she wasnt ugly but she wasnt super hot so i just let it happen because im 17 and my penis is my only prized possession. so we are making out for a while, with the brightest lights i have ever seen on and she decideds to rip my pants off and start blowing me. the fucking day is mine!

a few minutes go by, just enough for me to close my eyes and start enjoying it when she suddenly stops. i layed there for a few more seconds expecting her to continue but she didnt. i open my eyes and she is sitting on the side of the bed with her back to me and i look over her shoulder. Her massive father is standing in the doorway looking at his topless daughter with her panties around her ankles, with some skrawny pussy laying beside her, with a shiny wet boner. Immediatly i go deer in the headlights and freeze up with the most incredible fear i have ever felt. this man is fucking huge, like a fucking giant, and he is enraged. its dead silent for what seems like an eternity when she mumbles out "daddy..." and her dad says nothing for a couple more seconds. for some fucking reason (to this day i cant figure it out, maybe the stress and pressure just got to me) i burst into the craziest laughter i have ever had. tears in my fucking eyes giggling and saying sorry every breathe i get. he stomps out of the room and she chases after him, so i pull up my pants and run as fast as i can to the tv room to grab my friend and get the fuck out. not only is he ready to go, hes pushing me out the door. we ran for a good block then laughed all the way back to my house. i never spoke to that chick again even though she was in nearly all my classes.

i still feel bad that he never got anything that night because when me and cockblock left the room all the girl he was with did was talk about what me and the other girl were probably doing.

so yea wwe can just end this thread right here

the last story is fucking ridiculous, I started laughing picturing that dad standing there

I keep picturing the giant muscular emotional dad from Ren and Stimpy
(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_dEwYZDt09yI/RcUQqcmRuDI/AAAAAAAAATc/Vr62dy3Dw3g/s320/anthony_dad.jpg)
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: frisco on September 04, 2009, 09:41:03 PM
this isnt an awkward story about me, but keeps in line with all the retarded kid stories. at my elementary school we had the "rsp" class full of the special kids who shared lunch time recess with us. i used to hate the noon- aides at my school (whose only prerequisites were to be obese/ wear tight cotton pants at all times) my least favorite noon- aide, ms almarez, had a daughter that went to my school at the time too. in fifth grade, the elementary school geniuses instituted a "freeze bell" which is basically a bell that goes off at the end of recess meaning you have to "freeze" and wait to be dismissed back to class.

parth was the quiet kid in the special class, who never really made any noises, and put way too many H's into his speech when he did. he was also known for regulating the lunch lines, and weeding out the cutters. but he was a rad dude. one day after recess the freeze bell went off and everybody stopped their lunch time activities and froze. but not parth. from across the whole playing field he took off in a full on sprint towards ms almarez's daughter. everybody was silent, watching him run. at full speed he tackled the daughter to the ground and in a haze of dust/ glory, proceeded to hump her for a good thirty seconds while she screamed for someone to "get this retard off me, get this retard off me." everybody was in awe, remaining still as the 400 something pound noon- aide came running to her daughters rescue. after some struggle, they took a much satisfied parth off the playground while all of fourth and fifth grade cheered.

holy fuck I was losing it at this part, similar shit had gone down at my schools, one special needs guy "stomped" to the principals office pushing his bottom lip out and ripped open the glass door smashing it into hundreds of pieces, everyone froze and no one said anything, severely awkward
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: camel filters on September 04, 2009, 09:52:01 PM
this isnt an awkward story about me, but keeps in line with all the retarded kid stories. at my elementary school we had the "rsp" class full of the special kids who shared lunch time recess with us. i used to hate the noon- aides at my school (whose only prerequisites were to be obese/ wear tight cotton pants at all times) my least favorite noon- aide, ms almarez, had a daughter that went to my school at the time too. in fifth grade, the elementary school geniuses instituted a "freeze bell" which is basically a bell that goes off at the end of recess meaning you have to "freeze" and wait to be dismissed back to class.

parth was the quiet kid in the special class, who never really made any noises, and put way too many H's into his speech when he did. he was also known for regulating the lunch lines, and weeding out the cutters. but he was a rad dude. one day after recess the freeze bell went off and everybody stopped their lunch time activities and froze. but not parth. from across the whole playing field he took off in a full on sprint towards ms almarez's daughter. everybody was silent, watching him run. at full speed he tackled the daughter to the ground and in a haze of dust/ glory, proceeded to hump her for a good thirty seconds while she screamed for someone to "get this retard off me, get this retard off me." everybody was in awe, remaining still as the 400 something pound noon- aide came running to her daughters rescue. after some struggle, they took a much satisfied parth off the playground while all of fourth and fifth grade cheered.

holy fuck I was losing it at this part, similar shit had gone down at my schools, one special needs guy "stomped" to the principals office pushing his bottom lip out and ripped open the glass door smashing it into hundreds of pieces, everyone froze and no one said anything, severely awkward
In high school after english class one time i was the first to step out of the door after class and the first thing i see is a huge pile of wet turd chilling of the floor two feet away from the door. I yelled "SOMEONE SHIT ON THE FLOOR!!!!!!!" Everyone from my class and the surrounding classes ran out to take a look-see.  Pretty everyone lost it in laughter even a couple teachers. only then did i notice the specail kid in the corner with a helmet crying his eyes out. i felt like the piece of turd on the floor after that one.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Ronald Wilson Reagan on September 04, 2009, 09:59:16 PM
If it makes you feel any better, I doubt it would have gone unnoticed much longer without you saying anything.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: BoysAreYummy on September 04, 2009, 11:05:10 PM
ok so the first one: It was my first serious girlfriend and I, being one of the only 3 skaterbois in our town, ended up getting one of the hotter girls at school. so about 3 or so weeks into it we are at her place watching some shit disney cartoon and i decide to make some moves. Now for the past 3 weeks all my friends were doing the little teen shit where they ask you about everything possible and talk about pussy and tits non-stop so i had some pretty fucked up expectations. I had already gotten some breast work in and i was ready for some sweet sweeti clam. i start sliding my hand down her pants and i feel the 80's afro and i know im near the gold mine, so i keep going. at this point ive realized this is more hair than i could ever wish to have on my head and im getting kind of grossed out but i need to touch it, i need to feel the sweet soft spot i had seen in hustler and club so many times.

so i finally get to it, and its soaking wet. i feel like im going to start crying im so excited. and naturally at that age i have no idea what im doing so i diddle around a bunch like Michael J Fox with finger paints. i did this for probably half an hour when suddenly her parents call us upstairs for dinner. as we start going up the stairs, her infront of me, i decide to give my fingers a quick and subtle sniff. its the finest scent i had ever had. everything i imagined it would be, and more. there was nothing like it and i couldnt believe how good and powerful it was. i was dreaming of this for so many years..... then i snap out of it and realize not only have i stopped mid way up the stairs, but she is staring right at me, along with her mom and dad at the top of the stairs. i thought fast and pretended to be scratching my upper lip but not a word was said during dinner and we didnt talk again until about a year ago when she moved to my city for school.


the second one: so it was a couple years after the first one and me and my new girlfriend had been playing the "lets do it everywhere we can get caught" game. we had never got caught and we were pretty stoked on how hard we were killing it. now this girl was a freak, a pervert. i was still at the beginning of my little sexual life and i had experienced things that would make Hughe Hefners balls drop. we used to always watch movies in her room but with the sound off and go at it over and over again for hours. we werent even kissing, just teens4cash style super fucking like we had been bucking lines of powdered redbull cut with meth.

so one night we are going at it and decided to play the anal boink game. we are plowing away on the floor, with nothing covering us because we are idiots, when i hear feet land at the top of the stairs beside the door. quickily thinking i pull the blanket off the bed beside us and huck it over us with one arm, her mom comes in and sees us laying on the floor watching conair with the sound off, i have no shirt on and shes in just a bra. she is panting away and says between breathes "its so fucking hot in here mom, check the heater downstairs". so her and her mom get into this arguement about the heat while im STILL currently balls deep in her asshole, trying my hardest not to start crying and shit myself on the floor beside her naked daughter. eventually she left and i pulled out and went home and re-thought my life. i just moved a block away from her so life is about to get interesting.

and the last one (Pretty much all my awkward moments have been sexual because i have terrible luck and never think out what im doing):

My friend is trying to hump this girl at school but she isnt giving it up, so finally they plan a movie night and she is bringing her cockblock friend. so he tells me to come along and keep her busy while he plays doctor in the other room. i agree because i know something awesome will come of it. I may be a shit person but sometimes im a good friend. sometimes....

so the night comes and we are all in the tv room upstairs, watching some movie in the dark when the cockblock friend starts jabbering. i have no idea what she is saying because she is a woman, and i dont care. so somehow we walk out of the room so she can show me something in her room. she closes the door and jumps on me. she wasnt ugly but she wasnt super hot so i just let it happen because im 17 and my penis is my only prized possession. so we are making out for a while, with the brightest lights i have ever seen on and she decideds to rip my pants off and start blowing me. the fucking day is mine!

a few minutes go by, just enough for me to close my eyes and start enjoying it when she suddenly stops. i layed there for a few more seconds expecting her to continue but she didnt. i open my eyes and she is sitting on the side of the bed with her back to me and i look over her shoulder. Her massive father is standing in the doorway looking at his topless daughter with her panties around her ankles, with some skrawny pussy laying beside her, with a shiny wet boner. Immediatly i go deer in the headlights and freeze up with the most incredible fear i have ever felt. this man is fucking huge, like a fucking giant, and he is enraged. its dead silent for what seems like an eternity when she mumbles out "daddy..." and her dad says nothing for a couple more seconds. for some fucking reason (to this day i cant figure it out, maybe the stress and pressure just got to me) i burst into the craziest laughter i have ever had. tears in my fucking eyes giggling and saying sorry every breathe i get. he stomps out of the room and she chases after him, so i pull up my pants and run as fast as i can to the tv room to grab my friend and get the fuck out. not only is he ready to go, hes pushing me out the door. we ran for a good block then laughed all the way back to my house. i never spoke to that chick again even though she was in nearly all my classes.

i still feel bad that he never got anything that night because when me and cockblock left the room all the girl he was with did was talk about what me and the other girl were probably doing.
You are a wonderful man.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: PFIASB on September 05, 2009, 12:35:26 AM
ok so the first one: It was my first serious girlfriend and I, being one of the only 3 skaterbois in our town, ended up getting one of the hotter girls at school. so about 3 or so weeks into it we are at her place watching some shit disney cartoon and i decide to make some moves. Now for the past 3 weeks all my friends were doing the little teen shit where they ask you about everything possible and talk about pussy and tits non-stop so i had some pretty fucked up expectations. I had already gotten some breast work in and i was ready for some sweet sweeti clam. i start sliding my hand down her pants and i feel the 80's afro and i know im near the gold mine, so i keep going. at this point ive realized this is more hair than i could ever wish to have on my head and im getting kind of grossed out but i need to touch it, i need to feel the sweet soft spot i had seen in hustler and club so many times.

so i finally get to it, and its soaking wet. i feel like im going to start crying im so excited. and naturally at that age i have no idea what im doing so i diddle around a bunch like Michael J Fox with finger paints. i did this for probably half an hour when suddenly her parents call us upstairs for dinner. as we start going up the stairs, her infront of me, i decide to give my fingers a quick and subtle sniff. its the finest scent i had ever had. everything i imagined it would be, and more. there was nothing like it and i couldnt believe how good and powerful it was. i was dreaming of this for so many years..... then i snap out of it and realize not only have i stopped mid way up the stairs, but she is staring right at me, along with her mom and dad at the top of the stairs. i thought fast and pretended to be scratching my upper lip but not a word was said during dinner and we didnt talk again until about a year ago when she moved to my city for school.


the second one: so it was a couple years after the first one and me and my new girlfriend had been playing the "lets do it everywhere we can get caught" game. we had never got caught and we were pretty stoked on how hard we were killing it. now this girl was a freak, a pervert. i was still at the beginning of my little sexual life and i had experienced things that would make Hughe Hefners balls drop. we used to always watch movies in her room but with the sound off and go at it over and over again for hours. we werent even kissing, just teens4cash style super fucking like we had been bucking lines of powdered redbull cut with meth.

so one night we are going at it and decided to play the anal boink game. we are plowing away on the floor, with nothing covering us because we are idiots, when i hear feet land at the top of the stairs beside the door. quickily thinking i pull the blanket off the bed beside us and huck it over us with one arm, her mom comes in and sees us laying on the floor watching conair with the sound off, i have no shirt on and shes in just a bra. she is panting away and says between breathes "its so fucking hot in here mom, check the heater downstairs". so her and her mom get into this arguement about the heat while im STILL currently balls deep in her asshole, trying my hardest not to start crying and shit myself on the floor beside her naked daughter. eventually she left and i pulled out and went home and re-thought my life. i just moved a block away from her so life is about to get interesting.

and the last one (Pretty much all my awkward moments have been sexual because i have terrible luck and never think out what im doing):

My friend is trying to hump this girl at school but she isnt giving it up, so finally they plan a movie night and she is bringing her cockblock friend. so he tells me to come along and keep her busy while he plays doctor in the other room. i agree because i know something awesome will come of it. I may be a shit person but sometimes im a good friend. sometimes....

so the night comes and we are all in the tv room upstairs, watching some movie in the dark when the cockblock friend starts jabbering. i have no idea what she is saying because she is a woman, and i dont care. so somehow we walk out of the room so she can show me something in her room. she closes the door and jumps on me. she wasnt ugly but she wasnt super hot so i just let it happen because im 17 and my penis is my only prized possession. so we are making out for a while, with the brightest lights i have ever seen on and she decideds to rip my pants off and start blowing me. the fucking day is mine!

a few minutes go by, just enough for me to close my eyes and start enjoying it when she suddenly stops. i layed there for a few more seconds expecting her to continue but she didnt. i open my eyes and she is sitting on the side of the bed with her back to me and i look over her shoulder. Her massive father is standing in the doorway looking at his topless daughter with her panties around her ankles, with some skrawny pussy laying beside her, with a shiny wet boner. Immediatly i go deer in the headlights and freeze up with the most incredible fear i have ever felt. this man is fucking huge, like a fucking giant, and he is enraged. its dead silent for what seems like an eternity when she mumbles out "daddy..." and her dad says nothing for a couple more seconds. for some fucking reason (to this day i cant figure it out, maybe the stress and pressure just got to me) i burst into the craziest laughter i have ever had. tears in my fucking eyes giggling and saying sorry every breathe i get. he stomps out of the room and she chases after him, so i pull up my pants and run as fast as i can to the tv room to grab my friend and get the fuck out. not only is he ready to go, hes pushing me out the door. we ran for a good block then laughed all the way back to my house. i never spoke to that chick again even though she was in nearly all my classes.

i still feel bad that he never got anything that night because when me and cockblock left the room all the girl he was with did was talk about what me and the other girl were probably doing.
You are a wonderful man.
ahahahahahahahaha, those are amazing
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Gnarbys on September 05, 2009, 03:22:06 PM
My parents used to send me to Church Camp every summer. I actually looked forward to it seeing how I lived in a small hick ass town. So there I was at church camp having a good old spirtual time. We were only at camp for 5 days I believe, not too much time for LOVE! See, the deal was go to camp and meet all the other churches from around the state. We would sing, pray, eat bad food, and search the woods for a "soul mate". After day one all rules were forgotten. Every man for himself, war like mentality took over the camp. I had my sights on this one gal who seemed to talk a little too much. Little did I know a thick mamma from Las Vegas had her sights on me.
Her name was Lynette and see was "shapely" to say the least. I did my best to tell her we were friends and my interests were else where. She wasn't having that at all! Church camp can be very draining at times. The night before the last day, everyone is crying and emotional because we were all 16 years old. It seemed like the world was going to end if you met the right girl/guy. So we are singing by the fire and all hell is breaking loose around me. My choice was very innocent and really liked holding hands and such. So yeah, I was over it.
Now here is where things got interesting. I saw Lynette and gave her the traditional goodbye hug. I went to release from hugging mode and she did not let go. Out of the fucking blue she tells me, " I'm so glad we're together." WHAT! Together? How the hell did this happen? She still has me in hug posistion and I'm shook! I thought what would David Lee Roth do? He would probably fuck her and three of her friends all night in a suite! I couldn't pull that off at 16! I don't know how but I broke down and started kissing her, alot. The night was coming to a close and what the fuck right? Plans were made and ideas were exchanged. That night we sneak out of our dorms!
Now I had not really had too much experience with girls besides making out and a little leg rubbing. This girl Lynette was gnarly opposed to typical church camp girls! Holly shit we started kissing and she put my hand on her boobies! WOOOOO HOOOO! At that point there was no turning back. I actually touched her private parts and was freaked out, in a good way. Then the scariest thing happend, her hand started drifting up my leg towards my promised land! I was very scared due to the late bloomer syndrome. Then she hit the intended target and Yea Haw it was cool! Then Lynette from Las Vegas told me three words that changed my life! What she said was pure 80's poetry. It was like Hiroshima man, it changed everything! To make a long story short, she wanted to fuck in the back of the cooks truck. I declined, because I was scared shitless that God was going to strike me down with lighting, and she was bummed.
I ran back to my dorm and bragged about everything that just happend as young men often do. The next day all the different groups met at this pizza place and Lynette kept playing with my pistol under the table. She wanted to sneak outside and fuck in their church van. I felt really uncomfortable and couldn't get up for food because she made my dick hard. It was pretty humiliating now that I think about it. She wrote me a letter a dedicating the song "Farewell my Summer Love" by Michael Jackson. Fucking whore! Trying to get sex in God's camp! All in all it was rad because she told me I had a big cock. I took a girls virginity two years before and she told all of her friends it didn't hurt, at all. I was a late bloomer and my wee wee was quite small and good ole church girl put some swagger babck in my step.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Ronald Wilson Reagan on September 05, 2009, 05:16:03 PM

Now I had not really had too much experience with girls besides making out and a little leg rubbing...
...I took a girls virginity two years before and she told all of her friends it didn't hurt, at all.
huh?
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Gnarbys on September 05, 2009, 05:46:13 PM
Yeah, dude. When I lost my virginity, it was the worst experience. Walk into my room, my girl is naked under blankets. I think I kissed her once, never even touched her boobs or vage. I basically reached down and put it in her, moved around a little, blasted inside her, and that was that. I never jerked off before so I didn't know what it was like to ejaculate. So no foreplay at all, I blasted inside her, and her friend asked me if I came inside her. I barely knew what she meant, so I said "of course I did" and she looked at me like I was retarded. My cousin told me more than likely my girlfriend was pregnant. She was not, and told everyone it did not hurt when I took her virginity. All her other friends made it sound like they were ripped in half when they lost theirs. I was 14, did not know shit about foreplay, thought I got this girl pregnant, then found out I had a small dick. Good times.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Anti Krooked on September 05, 2009, 07:22:38 PM
My parents used to send me to Church Camp every summer. I actually looked forward to it seeing how I lived in a small hick ass town. So there I was at church camp having a good old spirtual time. We were only at camp for 5 days I believe, not too much time for LOVE! See, the deal was go to camp and meet all the other churches from around the state. We would sing, pray, eat bad food, and search the woods for a "soul mate". After day one all rules were forgotten. Every man for himself, war like mentality took over the camp. I had my sights on this one gal who seemed to talk a little too much. Little did I know a thick mamma from Las Vegas had her sights on me.
Her name was Lynette and see was "shapely" to say the least. I did my best to tell her we were friends and my interests were else where. She wasn't having that at all! Church camp can be very draining at times. The night before the last day, everyone is crying and emotional because we were all 16 years old. It seemed like the world was going to end if you met the right girl/guy. So we are singing by the fire and all hell is breaking loose around me. My choice was very innocent and really liked holding hands and such. So yeah, I was over it.
Now here is where things got interesting. I saw Lynette and gave her the traditional goodbye hug. I went to release from hugging mode and she did not let go. Out of the fucking blue she tells me, " I'm so glad we're together." WHAT! Together? How the hell did this happen? She still has me in hug posistion and I'm shook! I thought what would David Lee Roth do? He would probably fuck her and three of her friends all night in a suite! I couldn't pull that off at 16! I don't know how but I broke down and started kissing her, alot. The night was coming to a close and what the fuck right? Plans were made and ideas were exchanged. That night we sneak out of our dorms!
Now I had not really had too much experience with girls besides making out and a little leg rubbing. This girl Lynette was gnarly opposed to typical church camp girls! Holly shit we started kissing and she put my hand on her boobies! WOOOOO HOOOO! At that point there was no turning back. I actually touched her private parts and was freaked out, in a good way. Then the scariest thing happend, her hand started drifting up my leg towards my promised land! I was very scared due to the late bloomer syndrome. Then she hit the intended target and Yea Haw it was cool! Then Lynette from Las Vegas told me three words that changed my life! What she said was pure 80's poetry. It was like Hiroshima man, it changed everything! To make a long story short, she wanted to fuck in the back of the cooks truck. I declined, because I was scared shitless that God was going to strike me down with lighting, and she was bummed.
I ran back to my dorm and bragged about everything that just happend as young men often do. The next day all the different groups met at this pizza place and Lynette kept playing with my pistol under the table. She wanted to sneak outside and fuck in their church van. I felt really uncomfortable and couldn't get up for food because she made my dick hard. It was pretty humiliating now that I think about it. She wrote me a letter a dedicating the song "Farewell my Summer Love" by Michael Jackson. Fucking whore! Trying to get sex in God's camp! All in all it was rad because she told me I had a big cock. I took a girls virginity two years before and she told all of her friends it didn't hurt, at all. I was a late bloomer and my wee wee was quite small and good ole church girl put some swagger babck in my step.



wow you just wrote an 80s teen comedy
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: ice nine on September 05, 2009, 07:35:26 PM
gnarbys is fucking terrible, do you really think you are a good writer? nice sig too.


im going out with my best friends ex, and he is still in love with her. we hid our relationship for over a year and he found out last week, hates us forever etc, its awkward
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Beer Keg Peg Leg on September 05, 2009, 07:46:23 PM
gnarbys is fucking terrible, do you really think you are a good writer? nice sig too.


im going out with my best friends ex, and he is still in love with her. we hid our relationship for over a year and he found out last week, hates us forever etc, its awkward

So he should you fucking jackass.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: VeganShawn on September 05, 2009, 08:05:31 PM
these threads are kind of funny but never turn out great because people always post funny or cool stories, rather than truly awkward shit.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Ronald Wilson Reagan on September 05, 2009, 08:25:47 PM
these threads are kind of funny but never turn out great because people always post funny or cool stories, rather than truly awkward shit.


Idunno, Guile hit it pretty head on. I think a girl's mom walking in on you fucking her daughter in the ass, and getting into an argument with her while you still are inside of her is pretty awkward.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: VeganShawn on September 05, 2009, 08:35:47 PM
these threads are kind of funny but never turn out great because people always post funny or cool stories, rather than truly awkward shit.


Idunno, Guile hit it pretty head on. I think a girl's mom walking in on you fucking her daughter in the ass, and getting into an argument with her while you still are inside of her is pretty awkward.

it's kind of awkward but just mostly funny
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: east is in the house on September 05, 2009, 08:38:42 PM
these threads are kind of funny but never turn out great because people always post funny or cool stories, rather than truly awkward shit.


alright mizzark, you want something awkward?

I must have been 9 or 10 years old, and my next door neighbor was one of the only openly gay guys I had ever met. He's also this crazy rakki healer/yoga instructor and takes off to mexico every winter for a few weeks to teach special classes down there.

so, before he left he hired me to water all these plants in his house. I go over there with my friend and he has a list of where the plants are, some in every room. We go up to his bedroom to water the plants, and while I'm watering them my idiot friend starts rummaging through this guy's drawers and shit. I'm not really paying attention to what he's doing, but he says 'WOW! COME OVER HERE AND CHECK OUT WHAT I JUST FOUND!'. I turn around and walk over, say 'Wha-' and before I get done my friend turns around and shoves this HUGE black dildo in my mouth. fucking despicable.

I don't remember what happened right after that but I do remember going back up there several years later with another friend to check for those dildos. I came across maybe four or five of them; two were black, not like african-american black but straight black, and the others were white like caucasian. These dildos were massive, I have no idea where the guy got them but they had to be atleast five inches in diameter and a good 1.5 feet long with huge 'veins' coming out of them. needless to say its pretty damn awkward/obnoxious to have someone jam a huge black dildo into your mouth at age nine, or any age for that matter.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Ronald Wilson Reagan on September 05, 2009, 08:41:37 PM
these threads are kind of funny but never turn out great because people always post funny or cool stories, rather than truly awkward shit.


Idunno, Guile hit it pretty head on. I think a girl's mom walking in on you fucking her daughter in the ass, and getting into an argument with her while you still are inside of her is pretty awkward.

it's kind of awkward but just mostly funny
Can't it be both? I can't think of any other emotion I would feel in that situation. Especially with the girl saying its hot in there while under the coveres with you on top of her.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: VeganShawn on September 05, 2009, 08:42:34 PM
these threads are kind of funny but never turn out great because people always post funny or cool stories, rather than truly awkward shit.


alright mizzark, you want something awkward?

I must have been 9 or 10 years old, and my next door neighbor was one of the only openly gay guys I had ever met. He's also this crazy rakki healer/yoga instructor and takes off to mexico every winter for a few weeks to teach special classes down there.

so, before he left he hired me to water all these plants in his house. I go over there with my friend and he has a list of where the plants are, some in every room. We go up to his bedroom to water the plants, and while I'm watering them my idiot friend starts rummaging through this guy's drawers and shit. I'm not really paying attention to what he's doing, but he says 'WOW! COME OVER HERE AND CHECK OUT WHAT I JUST FOUND!'. I turn around and walk over, say 'Wha-' and before I get done my friend turns around and shoves this HUGE black dildo in my mouth. fucking despicable.

I don't remember what happened right after that but I do remember going back up there several years later with another friend to check for those dildos. I came across maybe four or five of them; two were black, not like african-american black but straight black, and the others were white like caucasian. These dildos were massive, I have no idea where the guy got them but they had to be atleast five inches in diameter and a good 1.5 feet long with huge 'veins' coming out of them. needless to say its pretty damn awkward/obnoxious to have someone jam a huge black dildo into your mouth at age nine, or any age for that matter.

thats disgusting not awkward
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: east is in the house on September 05, 2009, 08:56:57 PM
these threads are kind of funny but never turn out great because people always post funny or cool stories, rather than truly awkward shit.


alright mizzark, you want something awkward?

I must have been 9 or 10 years old, and my next door neighbor was one of the only openly gay guys I had ever met. He's also this crazy rakki healer/yoga instructor and takes off to mexico every winter for a few weeks to teach special classes down there.

so, before he left he hired me to water all these plants in his house. I go over there with my friend and he has a list of where the plants are, some in every room. We go up to his bedroom to water the plants, and while I'm watering them my idiot friend starts rummaging through this guy's drawers and shit. I'm not really paying attention to what he's doing, but he says 'WOW! COME OVER HERE AND CHECK OUT WHAT I JUST FOUND!'. I turn around and walk over, say 'Wha-' and before I get done my friend turns around and shoves this HUGE black dildo in my mouth. fucking despicable.

I don't remember what happened right after that but I do remember going back up there several years later with another friend to check for those dildos. I came across maybe four or five of them; two were black, not like african-american black but straight black, and the others were white like caucasian. These dildos were massive, I have no idea where the guy got them but they had to be atleast five inches in diameter and a good 1.5 feet long with huge 'veins' coming out of them. needless to say its pretty damn awkward/obnoxious to have someone jam a huge black dildo into your mouth at age nine, or any age for that matter.

thats disgusting not awkward

I've got a few more, my mom used to sleep on our couch and before she went to bed I jerked off and left it on the couch. probably ten minutes later she goes to bed and starts screaming, flipping out on me and calling me a disgusting rat bastard. Wish I could think of a few more, does taking a huge load of copenhagen long cut straight chewing tobbacco to the mouth before hopping on the school bus, only to puke all over the back of the bus and having the bus driver pull over and clean it up with kitty litter qualify?

oh I just thought of another real disgusting/awkward one. when I was in my early teens all my friends and I were obsessed with 'shit capades' or 'poop capades' which went much, much further than the poop dollar from cky. some of the best were taking huge shit logs and stuffing them under car door handles...my friend's step-dad took us to cleavland to skate, and he was some crazy soccer player or whatever in college and one day on the trip we had to go to his alma marta for some soccer game. we were skating around the campus, and I got the urge to shit real bad. I shat, and immediately we started looking for the nicest car in the lot. I'm from a pretty small town, and there must have been a good 300 cars in the lot so we were pretty stoked. we found the most expensive car we could, and I jammed the shit log underneather the door handle. It fit perfectly.
We totally got our kicks, then went back to his step-dads' mom's house for dinner. He had mentioned something about his best friend from college coming over for dinner on the ride back..didn't really phase me. So this guy pulls up, runs inside and heads to the bathroom where he is for ten or fifteen minutes washing his hands profusely. He comes out and said to the dude's dad 'someone put poop under the door handle of my car, can you fucking believe that??'

we were pretty stunned..it was real awkward. now that I'm thinking about it, the same step-dad had to deal with a shit capade a year later when I upper decked his toilet at home and it flooded their entire bathroom with shitty water. I wonder if he ever made the connection between that and the shit capade in cleveland...never though of that before!
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Nic on September 05, 2009, 09:44:32 PM
when I was 8 I had a nudist neighbor who didn't like to close the curtains. One day I was looking out the window and he walks up to his window with a hard on and we make eye contact. He was told to close the curtains after that.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: VeganShawn on September 05, 2009, 09:45:41 PM
lol getting "kooked" because people don't agree with my opinion. rep is for pussies.

I do think Guile's second story is somewhat awkward, but way more so for the girl.
I think the best stories are the really shameful embarrassing ones, that aren't always particularly fun to tell.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: PFIASB on September 05, 2009, 10:37:02 PM
Yeah, dude. When I lost my virginity, it was the worst experience. Walk into my room, my girl is naked under blankets. I think I kissed her once, never even touched her boobs or vage. I basically reached down and put it in her, moved around a little, blasted inside her, and that was that. I never jerked off before so I didn't know what it was like to ejaculate. So no foreplay at all, I blasted inside her, and her friend asked me if I came inside her. I barely knew what she meant, so I said "of course I did" and she looked at me like I was retarded. My cousin told me more than likely my girlfriend was pregnant. She was not, and told everyone it did not hurt when I took her virginity. All her other friends made it sound like they were ripped in half when they lost theirs. I was 14, did not know shit about foreplay, thought I got this girl pregnant, then found out I had a small dick. Good times.
what the gipper is trying to say is that your story doesnt make sense

you said that when you were 16 the most you'd ever done was leg rubbing, but you lost your virginty at 14

your story is a lie, you are a liar
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Miadaskate on September 05, 2009, 11:57:34 PM


One time my mom made a cake, and she fed me the little bit of leftover white icing on a spoon. As I stuck out my tongue, she said "This is what it's like when a guy cums in your mouth".
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Baker4Life on September 06, 2009, 12:07:28 AM
Ill be the first to call it...

CLASSIC SLAP
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Ronald Wilson Reagan on September 06, 2009, 12:36:05 AM
Yeah, dude. When I lost my virginity, it was the worst experience. Walk into my room, my girl is naked under blankets. I think I kissed her once, never even touched her boobs or vage. I basically reached down and put it in her, moved around a little, blasted inside her, and that was that. I never jerked off before so I didn't know what it was like to ejaculate. So no foreplay at all, I blasted inside her, and her friend asked me if I came inside her. I barely knew what she meant, so I said "of course I did" and she looked at me like I was retarded. My cousin told me more than likely my girlfriend was pregnant. She was not, and told everyone it did not hurt when I took her virginity. All her other friends made it sound like they were ripped in half when they lost theirs. I was 14, did not know shit about foreplay, thought I got this girl pregnant, then found out I had a small dick. Good times.
what the gipper is trying to say is that your story doesnt make sense

you said that when you were 16 the most you'd ever done was leg rubbing, but you lost your virginty at 14

your story is a lie, you are a liar

That's what I meant, but at the same time, who lies and says that the first time they got laid, that their penis was so small that the girl didn't even feel it?  This is quite the confusing story.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: verbal ham on September 06, 2009, 01:54:48 AM
walking through my friends house and seeing his big fat maid droppin bombs in the toilet with the door open, but that was more funny than awkward
also sometime in elementary. during recess i remember taking this clear apple sauce container and trying to flush it down the toilet . instead of going down it was perfectly jammed in there so when u tried to flush it would just kind of explode out ,. fastforward to lunch, so  i walk in to the bathroom and see the area surrounding that stall is straight up flooded with this foul diarrhea nasty  shit....that poor kid never even had a chance.. :o
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: j0rdan on September 06, 2009, 11:04:16 AM
Like 9 or 10 years ago, I was on my old family computer and found my dad's stash of porno. not just any porno. fat pregnant chicks getting fucked and having their nipples drained of milk. it was fucking revolting for a kid my age to see that type of shit, let alone know my dad jerked off to it. I also found out he had an adultfriendfinder.com account, which I guess is for hooking up with women in your city. I didn't want to tell my mom or anything, so I just kept it to myself. I think it kinda fucked me up inside, knowing my dad most likely cheated on my mom. I think one day when he made me really mad, I decided to delete all of his porno. the next few days resulted in very awkward situations whenever I saw him.

around like 8 years ago my family computer used to be in my parent's room, right by a window with a clear view of my neighbour's backyard. I don't remember what I was jerking it to, but I do remember that I was completely naked since nobody was home. after I had finished up, I turned around and my neighbours are about 10 feet away from me with a perfect view of what I was doing. after that day, I would always close the blinds when I beat off so nobody could see. and that led to my mom always asking "why are the blinds closed?" which was really awkward in itself.

when I was like 15 I went on a 2 week bender while I was living with my friend. at about 10 am, I was already drunk, and me and my friend decided to walk to another friend's house to play final fantasy. to make the trip quicker we cut across the field of our old elementary school during recess. I started puking and all these kids were watching me and a teacher came over was like "are you alright?" I recognized a lot of the teachers who were outside and I'm sure they all recognized me. I used to be so smart/creative in elementary and there I was, three or four years later, drunk, puking in a field during recess at 10 am on a wednesday.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Gomez on September 06, 2009, 12:37:04 PM
i was at a wedding for someone who i still have no idea how i'm related to, and then some other relative who i'd never met before comes up to me, introducing himself. he puts out his hand and i look down and realize he's missing half a finger. involuntarily i step back and mumble a disgusted sound, then quickly shake his hand and walk away in shame. i still feel terrible about that.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Cthulhu! on September 06, 2009, 02:44:01 PM
One time I was over my aunt's house and I was playing hide and seek with my cousins. I was in the closet for what seemed like hours. I was assuming they forgot about me so I just started to look through all the clothes and stuff. Right there, my uncle's porn stash. This was too much for my little virgin eyes so I just left. Later on I found out they were still looking for me, and when they went into the closet and found the porn, they assumed I was in there rubbing one out because I was missing for so long.


My friend invited me over to his house. I'm just there sitting on the couch while he's in the kitchen getting snacks and shit. His mom walked down the stairs topless. She yelled and ran back upstairs. She thought we were going to my house, so she assumed she would be home alone.

I was dropping off my friend's resume at a local elementary school. I'm waiting, and start to overhear the conversation with the guy ahead of me. He got called in because his kid did something bad. So I'm just sitting there, and the lady explains to him how his son had a digital camera and went into the bathroom with his buddies. They all took pictures of each others dicks. Dad is speechless and starts to turn around. He looked at me and could tell I heard everything.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Star Whores Episode I: The Fellatio Menace on September 06, 2009, 04:56:25 PM
when i was like 10 I was staying at a freinds house for the night and I wanted to ask his mom something, so i opened the door to her bedroom and she was ass naked staring at me in complete shock.

I slowly closed the door and went back into my friend's room and played with his tech decks
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Goblinshark on September 06, 2009, 11:55:05 PM
i was at a wedding for someone who i still have no idea how i'm related to, and then some other relative who i'd never met before comes up to me, introducing himself. he puts out his hand and i look down and realize he's missing half a finger. involuntarily i step back and mumble a disgusted sound, then quickly shake his hand and walk away in shame. i still feel terrible about that.

FUCK this pretty much happened to me on friday night. I bummed this guy a cig and he goes out to shake my hand and i can tell hes missin some digits when he grasps my hand. I had to look.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: variation on September 07, 2009, 07:57:26 AM
i was at a wedding for someone who i still have no idea how i'm related to, and then some other relative who i'd never met before comes up to me, introducing himself. he puts out his hand and i look down and realize he's missing half a finger. involuntarily i step back and mumble a disgusted sound, then quickly shake his hand and walk away in shame. i still feel terrible about that.

FUCK this pretty much happened to me
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: popeyesfriedchicken on September 07, 2009, 09:29:51 PM

My friend invited me over to his house. I'm just there sitting on the couch while he's in the kitchen getting snacks and shit. His mom walked down the stairs topless. She yelled and ran back upstairs. She thought we were going to my house, so she assumed she would be home alone.

I was dropping off my friend's resume at a local elementary school. I'm waiting, and start to overhear the conversation with the guy ahead of me. He got called in because his kid did something bad. So I'm just sitting there, and the lady explains to him how his son had a digital camera and went into the bathroom with his buddies. They all took pictures of each others dicks. Dad is speechless and starts to turn around. He looked at me and could tell I heard everything.

these two probably win the thread
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Ronald Wilson Reagan on September 07, 2009, 09:46:57 PM
Like 9 or 10 years ago, I was on my old family computer and found my dad's stash of porno. not just any porno. fat pregnant chicks getting fucked and having their nipples drained of milk. it was fucking revolting for a kid my age to see that type of shit, let alone know my dad jerked off to it. I also found out he had an adultfriendfinder.com account, which I guess is for hooking up with women in your city. I didn't want to tell my mom or anything, so I just kept it to myself. I think it kinda fucked me up inside, knowing my dad most likely cheated on my mom. I think one day when he made me really mad, I decided to delete all of his porno. the next few days resulted in very awkward situations whenever I saw him.

I feel like this one wins. I feel kind of uneasy even commenting on it.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: ahl33 on September 08, 2009, 12:27:37 PM
i remember shitting in my pants in pre-school.  i didn't go to the bathroom or anything, i just let it sit in my pants the entire day.  kids kept complaining about some smell so the teacher let us go outside for a bit.  some kid was pushing me on the swings and his hand kept mushing the shit all over my ass...
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: bosnianslut on September 08, 2009, 01:35:31 PM
When I was about 9 some guy in my class shat on the toilet floor. I walked in and saw him pulling his pants up, that was awkward. What sucks even more is that the fat bastard ran back into the class and blamed me for it.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Nautical J on September 08, 2009, 06:13:38 PM
sophmore year of highschool was trying to lay the mac down on this bitch and we'd been flirting for like a few weeks. So, I see this girl in the hall with same hair cut and backpack and simillary dressed so I got and smack her ass, but it wasn't the girl I thought it was.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: tough omelette on September 08, 2009, 09:17:19 PM
(http://www.falconwaterfree.com/press/images/Installations/falcon_inst_001_m.jpg)
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: yeahbro on September 08, 2009, 09:23:09 PM
I got a similar one to that. When i was about 9 or 10 my sister did a traveling orchestral thing across europe and i was at one of the concerts in european country x. When the concert is done i go in the back to find her - now keep in mind its an organized classical concert so everyone is wearing identical concert outfits. I'm looking around for my sister and i finally spot who i believe to be her - a medium height girl with brown hair, so i approach her with her back facing me and kick her in the ass (somehow a joke we had for a long time) and this fucking broad turns around and gives me the dirtiest look ive ever recieved in my life. Obviously not being my sister, i just booked.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: HRPoodersmith on September 08, 2009, 09:49:40 PM
HORRIBLE innocent child racism:

At my elementary school, 99.9% of all the students were white.  Most of us little white kids never hung out with any black kids before because there WERE none in our town.  Anyway, the schools began implemented the METCO program, bringing in children from the inner city to the suburbs to get a better education.  Fast forward to 5th grade, we have 2 black girls in our class.  One day, this one girl Latesha was giving me shit because she found out I have a crush on another girl.  After she belittled me for a good 5 minutes in front of the class about how I was stupid and that I liked girls, I exploded and yelled STR8 into her dark face "OH YEAH?  WELL AT LEAST I'M WHITE"

Anyways, from the silence that fell over the classroom, I knew that I did a bad thing.  To this day, I am super nice to any black person I meet just to make up for that horrible childhood faux-pas.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: frisco on September 08, 2009, 10:01:27 PM
when i was in highschool i was swinging my backpack to throw it on top of the bleachers because highschool was fucking boring, so picture me turning in circles like im throwing a hammer in those olympic events, I was building up a shit ton of speed, I didnt notice the junior girls volleyball were warming up, i let go of my bag filled with 3 books and it drilled this girl right in the dome flooring her instantly, everyone in the whole gym stopped, about 80 people saw it, and i heard my friend who was up on the bleachers crack up laughing, I just stood there with a pale white face I seriously though she was knocked out cold, turns out she was fine but fuck those 10 seconds were awkward

Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Beer Keg Peg Leg on September 08, 2009, 10:18:37 PM
Jordan's story reminded me of this one. When I was about 12 and my parents seperated my dad had a girlfriend I didn't know about. I was spending a few weeks with him over the summer and he was texting on his phone all the fucking time. One time he forgot his phone while he went to the grocery store and I heard it beep so I picked it up and decided to read all of his text messages. Every single fucking message was dirty talk between him and his fucking gold digger girlfriend who was twenty years younger than him. The only one I remember is one he sent to her that said 'I miss you so much...especially your breasts and pussy'. I was so fucking disgusted, both at the thought of my dad saying something like that, and that someone would ever think that is a sexy thing to say.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Gomez on September 08, 2009, 10:53:48 PM
HORRIBLE innocent child racism:

At my elementary school, 99.9% of all the students were white.  Most of us little white kids never hung out with any black kids before because there WERE none in our town.  Anyway, the schools began implemented the METCO program, bringing in children from the inner city to the suburbs to get a better education.  Fast forward to 5th grade, we have 2 black girls in our class.  One day, this one girl Latesha was giving me shit because she found out I have a crush on another girl.  After she belittled me for a good 5 minutes in front of the class about how I was stupid and that I liked girls, I exploded and yelled STR8 into her dark face "OH YEAH?  WELL AT LEAST I'M WHITE"

Anyways, from the silence that fell over the classroom, I knew that I did a bad thing.  To this day, I am super nice to any black person I meet just to make up for that horrible childhood faux-pas.
i feel you on that one.
in the fourth grade, i'd recently seen the part of chris rock's bigger and blacker where he talks about old black men being the most racist people ever. but i saw just the part where he kept saying "cracker ass cracker..." so it was completely out of context. i didn't know that the word was a racial slur, i just thought it was an insult like "stupid" or "moron" and i found it hilarious. i told it to my best friend at the time (still friends now) and he told me after i was done very softly with an offended expression on his face that it was in fact a racial slur. we just stood there for a little while in silence. i felt like an idiot.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: papasmurfsdog on September 08, 2009, 11:00:14 PM
When I was in like fourth grade or something my brother was having a sleepover in my basement. I didn't think much of it until i woke up in the middle of the night whilst peeing on the wall of said basement with about 10 of my brother's friends standing there laughing at me. No idea why, but I'm some sort of sleep pisser.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: rfox on September 09, 2009, 12:14:22 AM
Neither of these happened directly to me or is really bad they are pretty embarrassing.

In a high school  a girl was talking to our class about how we should be nice to mentally ill people and try to be friends with them when my friend said "Oh yeah?  how many retarded people are you friends with" like she was an idiot.  The class got all quiet and she said "My brother is mentally handicapped"

and

My friend and I were talking to some guy on a mountain bike for some reason when we noticed he only had half of his handlebars on his bike so my friend said "Wow did you break your handlebars?"  and the guy said "I only have one arm" which was true.

Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: beardface on September 09, 2009, 02:24:13 PM
No idea why, but I'm some sort of sleep pisser.
after a good night of parties and beer, the next day my dad told me that i walked into his room at around 5 am, whipped out my tool and painted his floor yellow. i really wish i could say this happened in my youth but in all actuality, it was about a month ago. better believe that was an awkward phone call.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Mackattack on September 09, 2009, 06:56:43 PM
when I was around 14 or 15 I went to south Texas to attend a family reunion at my great uncles house. All the extended family on my moms side were there having a good time, eating barbecue and carrying on. About half way into my meal I have to piss so I go into the downstairs bathroom to do my business. After I finished taking a leak a noticed a scale on the floor by the toilet. For some reason I decided that I needed to achieve an erection and then weigh my dick on the scale. Just as I get a boner and get the scale up on the counter my uncle walks in and catches me trying to find the weight of my penis. I could never look him in the eye again.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: NostrilsofFury on September 09, 2009, 09:59:05 PM
For some reason I decided that I needed to achieve an erection and then weigh my dick on the scale. Just as I get a boner and get the scale up on the counter my uncle walks in and catches me trying to find the weight of my penis. I could never look him in the eye again.
Hahahhaha
made me lol
gotta try this shit
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: camel filters on September 09, 2009, 10:59:41 PM
I feel like i can put this into a screenplay im trying to write. if it ever sells, i will get everyone who contributed your royalties.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: variation on September 10, 2009, 11:30:51 AM
haha!
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Anti Krooked on September 12, 2009, 03:01:33 PM
Well this happened last night, usually since i live in a piece of shit town the only thing to do it go to the futbol game and socialize, well while socializing a friend (enemy) throws my dr pepper bottle out behind the bathroom /snack bar building so i run to there and what do i find my hipster friends sister getting fingered by her boyfriend.  so i stand there like o shit what the fuck am i gonna do so i get my dr pepper and suddenly out of no where i say, "you know you can get some kinda h.i.v like that, well it is the most disgusting way to show love, well have a good time"  (i was somewhat baked)  i have not talked to them since and i dont plan too, fingering is just fucked (my opinion)
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Beer Keg Peg Leg on September 12, 2009, 06:51:55 PM
Well this happened last night, usually since i live in a piece of shit town the only thing to do it go to the futbol game and socialize, well while socializing a friend (enemy) throws my dr pepper bottle out behind the bathroom /snack bar building so i run to there and what do i find my hipster friends sister getting fingered by her boyfriend.  so i stand there like o shit what the fuck am i gonna do so i get my dr pepper and suddenly out of no where i say, "you know you can get some kinda h.i.v like that, well it is the most disgusting way to show love, well have a good time"  (i was somewhat baked)  i have not talked to them since and i dont plan too, fingering is just fucked (my opinion)

You might be a homoseksual.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: rob2 on September 13, 2009, 10:20:37 AM
The only one I remember is one he sent to her that said 'I miss you so much...especially your breasts and pussy'. I was so fucking disgusted, both at the thought of my dad saying something like that, and that someone would ever think that is a sexy thing to say.

That's the worst dirty talk i've ever heard you should of given him some advice. Although I do like that he makes it clear that he only wants her for sex
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Anti Krooked on September 13, 2009, 04:20:26 PM
Well this happened last night, usually since i live in a piece of shit town the only thing to do it go to the futbol game and socialize, well while socializing a friend (enemy) throws my dr pepper bottle out behind the bathroom /snack bar building so i run to there and what do i find my hipster friends sister getting fingered by her boyfriend.  so i stand there like o shit what the fuck am i gonna do so i get my dr pepper and suddenly out of no where i say, "you know you can get some kinda h.i.v like that, well it is the most disgusting way to show love, well have a good time"  (i was somewhat baked)  i have not talked to them since and i dont plan too, fingering is just fucked (my opinion)

You might be a homoseksual.

unfortunatly for you, i am not  :(
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Gnarwhal on September 13, 2009, 04:51:20 PM
walked in on my uncle jacking off and later that day at the dinner table he said to everyone i had walked in on him "popping his zit"
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: popeyesfriedchicken on September 13, 2009, 07:54:05 PM
HORRIBLE innocent child racism:

At my elementary school, 99.9% of all the students were white.  Most of us little white kids never hung out with any black kids before because there WERE none in our town.  Anyway, the schools began implemented the METCO program, bringing in children from the inner city to the suburbs to get a better education.  Fast forward to 5th grade, we have 2 black girls in our class.  One day, this one girl Latesha was giving me shit because she found out I have a crush on another girl.  After she belittled me for a good 5 minutes in front of the class about how I was stupid and that I liked girls, I exploded and yelled STR8 into her dark face "OH YEAH?  WELL AT LEAST I'M WHITE"

Anyways, from the silence that fell over the classroom, I knew that I did a bad thing.  To this day, I am super nice to any black person I meet just to make up for that horrible childhood faux-pas.

i've got a better one...  i was literally at just the age to begin talking coherently.  i don't know how old i was but it was really young.  my dad took me to the doctor for a check up, and there was a family of blacks waiting with us in the room.  there were the little black kids playing on the floor right next to me, and i ask my dad (completely innocent) "dad, can i go play with the monkeys?".  my dad told me this story not too long ago...  he said the father of the family looked at him like he wanted to beat his ass. 
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Clayton on September 14, 2009, 12:50:31 AM
The aftermath of this incident was what really made it awkward

My 2nd year in college I got invited as a date to this big ass Greek banquet where all the sororities and fraternities show off their new people. I drank a 40 and a shot or two before we get there. When we get the dude who's handing out wrist bands for the 21+ hooks me up for no apparent reason other than he's down for people getting drunk. Drank another beer, more shots, and at this point I'm pretty drunk and having the time of my life watching all these fine college hoes in dresses do dances for everyone. As soon as the formalities are over shit turns into a dance party. The girl I came with as a date was a lesbian friend of mine, so that meant I could dance with any girls I pleased. My friend buys me a long island changing my physical state from "drunk" to "wasted." I'm dancing left and right with all these different fine ass girls, and surely enough, busted ones too. Don't remember but my friend said at one point I was dancing with the photographer lady who was probably 10 years older than me. I see this black girl that I had some previous history with that was my dates sorority sister. At a party just a week before at one point I had her alone in my bed, but was too big of a pussy at the time to even think about whippin' it out. She has her huge ass titz poppin out of her dress and shit, mad cleavage. I can see the line on her skin where the nipple meets the tit. So this girl has her camera and hands it to my friend to take a picture. In my drunken state I think to myself, "damn...it would be fucking hilarious if I could subtly yank on her dress slightly, exposing her nipple for the picture without her noticing." So I tell my friend to take the picture on 3 with this thought in my head. I count down, 1...2...3! and on 3 I drunkenly pull her dress down, revealing her fully exposed titty out for the world to see, (I found out later I had even broken the strap that held her dress.) Drunkenly not thinking anything of it, I immediately bounce to the dance floor to continue dancing with hoes. Apparently she just had a few shots, and started freaking out crying. Word spread instantly from person to person. All her sorority sisters found out about it, and so did a bunch of frat dudes they were friends with. Someone has to come up to me and tell me, "what the fuck did you just do?!" before I realize anything is wrong. My friends try to get me out of there, but before I can escape one of their dikey sisters corners me and cusses me out in front of a shit load of people. Buzz instantly gone, and some UFC lookin' frat dude comes up to me and tells me to leave.

I felt like shit about it for a couple of weeks. Couldn't walk through the union without feeling like the school perve. Apologized to her the following monday on campus, she cried, it sucked. Felt like shit about it for a while. Gave a formal apology to her at one of her sorority meetings in front of all the girls. The amazing thing is that they're all cool with me now. However, karma hit me pretty bad the following weekend when I was arrested for smoking weed at the dorms.

Looking back it was fucking awesome and I would do anything for a copy of that picture.

And one time my mom walked in on me masturbating, but that's a far less interesting story.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Beer Keg Peg Leg on September 14, 2009, 04:39:53 AM
Well this happened last night, usually since i live in a piece of shit town the only thing to do it go to the futbol game and socialize, well while socializing a friend (enemy) throws my dr pepper bottle out behind the bathroom /snack bar building so i run to there and what do i find my hipster friends sister getting fingered by her boyfriend.  so i stand there like o shit what the fuck am i gonna do so i get my dr pepper and suddenly out of no where i say, "you know you can get some kinda h.i.v like that, well it is the most disgusting way to show love, well have a good time"  (i was somewhat baked)  i have not talked to them since and i dont plan too, fingering is just fucked (my opinion)

You might be a homoseksual.

unfortunatly for you, i am not  :(

I guess then, you've never had the pleasure of giving a babe the two finger special. The first time a boy fingers a chick, it is one of the greatest moments of his life. You might be making out in a bout of adolescent drunkeness, or maybe on your girlfriend's back porch, and when you realize she isn't going to slap your hand away as it goes farther south, it feels like your dickhead is going to explode with boner juice. After years of seeing Vaginas getting pummeled on your computer monitor, you are finally aware of what that stinking, moist, badly shaven pussy feels like, and it feels fucking awesome. You have no fucking idea what you are doing and you just go buck wild, trying to emulate the porn stars you so admire. You don't wash your hands for weeks, and at every opportunity you sneak a whiff of that kit-kat that your girl so enjoyed. Years later, you can still remember that specific smell, and my friend, it is glorious. I love fingering.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Upgrayedd on September 14, 2009, 07:01:24 AM
Well this happened last night, usually since i live in a piece of shit town the only thing to do it go to the futbol game and socialize, well while socializing a friend (enemy) throws my dr pepper bottle out behind the bathroom /snack bar building so i run to there and what do i find my hipster friends sister getting fingered by her boyfriend.  so i stand there like o shit what the fuck am i gonna do so i get my dr pepper and suddenly out of no where i say, "you know you can get some kinda h.i.v like that, well it is the most disgusting way to show love, well have a good time"  (i was somewhat baked)  i have not talked to them since and i dont plan too, fingering is just fucked (my opinion)

You might be a homoseksual.

unfortunatly for you, i am not  :(

I guess then, you've never had the pleasure of giving a babe the two finger special. The first time a boy fingers a chick, it is one of the greatest moments of his life. You might be making out in a bout of adolescent drunkeness, or maybe on your girlfriend's back porch, and when you realize she isn't going to slap your hand away as it goes farther south, it feels like your dickhead is going to explode with boner juice. After years of seeing Vaginas getting pummeled on your computer monitor, you are finally aware of what that stinking, moist, badly shaven pussy feels like, and it feels fucking awesome. You have no fucking idea what you are doing and you just go buck wild, trying to emulate the porn stars you so admire. You don't wash your hands for weeks, and at every opportunity you sneak a whiff of that kit-kat that your girl so enjoyed. Years later, you can still remember that specific smell, and my friend, it is glorious. I love fingering.

+1 epic tale...you are a gentleman and a scholar bad ass mutha fucka
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: you took to much on September 14, 2009, 08:19:30 AM
that fingering story kind of reminded me of this.

when i was really young i had a friend who was an actual midget. it was really funny. he had two older, slutty sisters. one day i went to his house, which i had never done before, and found that they were a pretty dirty, white trash family. it made sense to me that they would have two sluts and a midget for kids. anyways, i went to use the bathroom and saw that his sisters dirty panties were sitting right on top of the pile of dirty clothes in there. having never smelt an actual poonie, but loving to masturbate, i thought that smelling those undies would give me a closer understanding of what it'd be like to paint some ovaries white. i picked them up, took a giant whiff, and almost puked. it was one of the most disgusting smells ive ever had the displeasure of smelling in my life. i dont know if she had a yeast infection, or was just shoving those things up her actual ass but i could never look at her the same again, and i even stopped being friends with the midget. it was so rank. i thought all poon smelt like that for a while, but then realized that she was just a filthy filthy girl.

thinking of it, another story and probably part of the reason i stopped being friends with the midg is that i told someone i'd seen midget porn on the computer before, which i had, because i looked up all sorts of sick shit just to see if it existed, and what it was like. anyways, people started saying i jerked off to midget porn which wasnt true, but could have definitely contributed to the demise of our relationship.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Nautical J on September 14, 2009, 07:57:57 PM
Freshman year I was in health class chilling out and relaxing with my bros. I thought it would be funny to put my index in middle finger through my fly. So I showed it to some kids and at first glance they all thought it was my dick, each freaking out at first then laughing when they came to the realization that it wasn't. So at this point I'm hyped at these reactions, so I decide to just leave my two fingers through my fly like I have a major bonzor. So other kids start freaking out and out of no where the teacher shows up in the front of the class through an exit that is never used so she's facing me (I'm sitting in the first row.) Stunned at the sight, that she thinks I am openly displaying my boner, she shreaks. This starts a chain reaction of girls and kids on the other side of the class looking over towards me also thinking my cock is just out. At this point the teacher (a huge feminist) shouts at the top of her lungs, "zip up and get out of my classroom this instant. Go to my office"
So I walk to her office laughing to myself, I mean I thought it wasn't a big deal, I merely had my fingers out. So I'm chilling in her office laughing my ass of and texting some homies about what to do later that night. At this point, she barells into the room, sights in her chair and slams her two fists down at her desk facing towards me. She's figured out by now that I didn't have my dick out and just my fingers, but she's still pissed as fuck. She goes as far as to say I might have scared girls in my class mentally and how my act was defacing the integrity of everyone in her class and making a mockery of her. I start talking my way out of it and calming her down, but after my speech she demands that I tell the dean of discipline what I've done.

This was when it got awkward as fuck, explaining that I had the intention of tricking others that I was exposing myself in hopes of laughs. I ended up getting one day in school suspension, because I talked my way out of shit. At first they wanted to expel me, but I gave them some bullshit about how I was lashing out because I felt inadequate because I didn't start the last soccer game. All in all completely worth it. My parents thought it was hilarious.


Another awkward situation was when I was at overnight camp going into 8th grade. It was the night of the dance and all the ladies in my age group were dressed to impress. So I was fucking pysched grinding it up on the dance flooor and macing bitches. So anyways this one bitch starts coming onto me real strong and she pulls me against a wall and we start grinding front to front. Then, we start making out and I'm coping a feel of her tits and I'm fucking pysched as hell. So I start unbuttoning her jeans and try to go in to the two finger tango, note this is a dance. Once I try for it I get the boot from some European councaler who can hardly speak english. Whatever, I'm over it no big deal. Still fucking pysched as hell I walk to the bathroom to take a leak. Only problem is I have a fucking raging boner that my 13 year old self can just not make go away. I try pissing in the urinal but I physically cannot contain my boner. So at this point i back up like 7 feet and go for the long distance pee. It's somewhat working, but I'm just hastily pissing all over everything and not hitting the urinal. So while I'm in the process of doing this the councaler who kicked me out of the dance waltzes into the bathroom and there I am in the middle of the bathroom, raging boner, pissing all over a 5 ft perimeter of the urinal. He just stands there speechless and then just starts shouting at me. I have no idea what to do so I finish, pull me pants up and run out back to the cabin full boner and wait for my homies to come back so I can tell them up the night's triumphs. The next day was the last day and the very same European guy was assigned to help me take my trunk and shit to my parent's car.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: alrightythen on November 12, 2009, 02:48:01 AM
bump
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Narcissus on November 12, 2009, 12:57:56 PM


One time my mom made a cake, and she fed me the little bit of leftover white icing on a spoon. As I stuck out my tongue, she said "This is what it's like when a guy cums in your mouth".

what the fuck? why would she say that????

Edit: Wanted to add to you, Anti Krooked, that no matter how stoned you are, you can't get AIDS from fingersex.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: zipzinger666 on November 12, 2009, 01:33:06 PM
On the first day of seventh grade I went to my science class. I was stoked because i had a few friends in my class, particularly this kid Jaerden that i would chill with pretty often.

As class started our teacher Ms. Frazier walked in on some crutches and it was pretty clear that her leg was broken. We started by telling everyone what happened over the summer, what with the vacations and other bullshit. When it got to the end Ms. Frazier told us what happened over her summer and how she broke her leg. I guess she was biking down her block and as she rode through a crosswalk an SUV flew through, hit her and broke it. She then told us it was a japanese woman on vacation who hit her.

Then, for no reason, Jaerden says, " Women shouldnt drive anyways, especially asian ones."

It was the most ridiculous thing I had heard at that age and I was in the middle of drinking sum gatorade when he said this so I immediately projectile spit red liquid all over the row ahead of me. Ms. Frazier immediately sends us to the deans office, who gave us a long speech about racism and sexism and how its ruining our society. Got 3 days in school suspension within 2 hours on the first day. It was probably the most awkward class to be in for the rest of the year too...
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: the ragamuffin on November 12, 2009, 01:50:45 PM


That second story reminds me of an ok one. When I was a kid, like 7-8ish, I used to get a thrill from pulling my dick out under the table in class. I did it at least once an hour at one point. Until a girl kept noticing me look under the table all weird over and over (I had to see that my penis was fully out for some reason) and checked it out for herself. She started giggling and cheering that she saw my wee-wee, and my parents got called for it. I think they all took it as some sort of weird growing curiousity type thing, and gave me a lecture about the differences between boys and girls, and how you should keep some stuff private instead of busting me.

Holy shit that is hilarious!
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Ronald Wilson Reagan on November 12, 2009, 02:29:34 PM

Well this happened last night, usually since i live in a piece of shit town the only thing to do it go to the futbol game and socialize, well while socializing a friend (enemy) throws my dr pepper bottle out behind the bathroom /snack bar building so i run to there and what do i find my hipster friends sister getting fingered by her boyfriend.  so i stand there like o shit what the fuck am i gonna do so i get my dr pepper and suddenly out of no where i say, "you know you can get some kinda h.i.v like that, well it is the most disgusting way to show love, well have a good time"  (i was somewhat baked)  i have not talked to them since and i dont plan too, fingering is just fucked (my opinion)

Have you ever eaten pussy? Way gnarlier, but I think both are fantastic.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: slappies on November 12, 2009, 04:40:41 PM
I shit my pants at my birthday party when I was 10. We were about to leave to go bowling, and I farted. It felt a little juicier than usual so I went to check it out.Turns out I left a nice sloppy shit in my underwear. I threw it in the tub and ran water on it and left it in there. Everyone asked what happened and I just told them I went pee. They believed I took a 10 minute piss, so I just went along with it. After bowling when everyone came back to my place, my mom went in the washroom and found my underwear. She yelled out, Are you serious, next time you poop your pants don't leave it in the tub!". It was a little awkward having all my friends know I shit my pants.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: EricLogan on November 12, 2009, 08:12:55 PM

Well this happened last night, usually since i live in a piece of shit town the only thing to do it go to the futbol game and socialize, well while socializing a friend (enemy) throws my dr pepper bottle out behind the bathroom /snack bar building so i run to there and what do i find my hipster friends sister getting fingered by her boyfriend.  so i stand there like o shit what the fuck am i gonna do so i get my dr pepper and suddenly out of no where i say, "you know you can get some kinda h.i.v like that, well it is the most disgusting way to show love, well have a good time"  (i was somewhat baked)  i have not talked to them since and i dont plan too, fingering is just fucked (my opinion)

Have you ever eaten pussy? Way gnarlier, but I think both are fantastic.

I don't think you even know gnarly till you've tasted brown
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Ronald Wilson Reagan on November 12, 2009, 08:14:28 PM

Well this happened last night, usually since i live in a piece of shit town the only thing to do it go to the futbol game and socialize, well while socializing a friend (enemy) throws my dr pepper bottle out behind the bathroom /snack bar building so i run to there and what do i find my hipster friends sister getting fingered by her boyfriend.  so i stand there like o shit what the fuck am i gonna do so i get my dr pepper and suddenly out of no where i say, "you know you can get some kinda h.i.v like that, well it is the most disgusting way to show love, well have a good time"  (i was somewhat baked)  i have not talked to them since and i dont plan too, fingering is just fucked (my opinion)

Have you ever eaten pussy? Way gnarlier, but I think both are fantastic.

I don't think you even know gnarly till you've tasted brown
I've stuck many things in many ways into an asshole, but never got the tongue down there.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: odp on November 12, 2009, 08:42:25 PM

Well this happened last night, usually since i live in a piece of shit town the only thing to do it go to the futbol game and socialize, well while socializing a friend (enemy) throws my dr pepper bottle out behind the bathroom /snack bar building so i run to there and what do i find my hipster friends sister getting fingered by her boyfriend.  so i stand there like o shit what the fuck am i gonna do so i get my dr pepper and suddenly out of no where i say, "you know you can get some kinda h.i.v like that, well it is the most disgusting way to show love, well have a good time"  (i was somewhat baked)  i have not talked to them since and i dont plan too, fingering is just fucked (my opinion)

Have you ever eaten pussy? Way gnarlier, but I think both are fantastic.

I don't think you even know gnarly till you've tasted brown
I've stuck many things in many ways into an asshole, but never got the tongue down there.

there's nothing wrong with licking a girls asshole as long as she's clean. drives a girl wild.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: zipzinger666 on November 12, 2009, 10:49:40 PM

Well this happened last night, usually since i live in a piece of shit town the only thing to do it go to the futbol game and socialize, well while socializing a friend (enemy) throws my dr pepper bottle out behind the bathroom /snack bar building so i run to there and what do i find my hipster friends sister getting fingered by her boyfriend.  so i stand there like o shit what the fuck am i gonna do so i get my dr pepper and suddenly out of no where i say, "you know you can get some kinda h.i.v like that, well it is the most disgusting way to show love, well have a good time"  (i was somewhat baked)  i have not talked to them since and i dont plan too, fingering is just fucked (my opinion)

Have you ever eaten pussy? Way gnarlier, but I think both are fantastic.

I don't think you even know gnarly till you've tasted brown
I've stuck many things in many ways into an asshole, but never got the tongue down there.

there's nothing wrong with licking a girls asshole as long as she's clean. drives a girl wild.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tO6q7EiNPaA
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: pyrex vision on November 12, 2009, 11:29:18 PM
once when i was about 8 or 9 years old, i was at a friend's house after school and we were playing some Gran Turismo, which, to me at the time, was the coolest game ever. My friend Michael was hogging the controller and would take really long turns, at least until his mom yelled for him to go do his chores. This was my chance to play uninterrupted and i planned to do so for as long as possible. I was pretty far into some sort of championship mode where there are a bunch of races in a row and you can't start over, when an overwhelming need to defecate arose. I really needed to use the restroom, but i decided instead to finish the grand prix instead of pressing pause, to avoid having Michael's little brother enter the room and mess up my winning streak. So enveloped was i in this video game that i didn't notice what was occurring in my jeans until it was too late.  I somehow managed to keep the mess in my pants to a minimum, letting about half a turd loose into my boxers. I held this lump (which was fortunately more solid than liquid) against my leg as i finally set the controller down and went to the bathroom. Disgust was all i felt as i shook and kicked with all my might to let the feces exit my pants at the bottom of the pant leg. The turd flew out and came to a rest on the linoleum bathroom floor. I left it there momentarily as i hurried to sit down and finish in the toilet, and I could do nothing but stare at this ping pong ball-sized lump the whole time. I left it there and hoped it got blamed on Dylan, my best friend's 3 year old brother. I couldn't bring myself to do anything about it, so i did what any 9 year old would do and went back to continue my Gran Turismo.
Michael's mom entered the bathroom about 20 minutes later and flipped out. Of course, the youngest child got blamed instead of me, but i felt so much shame and guilt watching him get yelled at for something he didnt do. Pretty damn awkward, considering the tv i was using was situated right outside the bathroom where it all went down.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Ronald Wilson Reagan on November 13, 2009, 12:20:03 AM
once when i was about 8 or 9 years old, i was at a friend's house after school and we were playing some Gran Turismo, which, to me at the time, was the coolest game ever. My friend Michael was hogging the controller and would take really long turns, at least until his mom yelled for him to go do his chores. This was my chance to play uninterrupted and i planned to do so for as long as possible. I was pretty far into some sort of championship mode where there are a bunch of races in a row and you can't start over, when an overwhelming need to defecate arose. I really needed to use the restroom, but i decided instead to finish the grand prix instead of pressing pause, to avoid having Michael's little brother enter the room and mess up my winning streak. So enveloped was i in this video game that i didn't notice what was occurring in my jeans until it was too late.  I somehow managed to keep the mess in my pants to a minimum, letting about half a turd loose into my boxers. I held this lump (which was fortunately more solid than liquid) against my leg as i finally set the controller down and went to the bathroom. Disgust was all i felt as i shook and kicked with all my might to let the feces exit my pants at the bottom of the pant leg. The turd flew out and came to a rest on the linoleum bathroom floor. I left it there momentarily as i hurried to sit down and finish in the toilet, and I could do nothing but stare at this ping pong ball-sized lump the whole time. I left it there and hoped it got blamed on Dylan, my best friend's 3 year old brother. I couldn't bring myself to do anything about it, so i did what any 9 year old would do and went back to continue my Gran Turismo.
Michael's mom entered the bathroom about 20 minutes later and flipped out. Of course, the youngest child got blamed instead of me, but i felt so much shame and guilt watching him get yelled at for something he didnt do. Pretty damn awkward, considering the tv i was using was situated right outside the bathroom where it all went down.
Amazing!
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Bobbito on November 13, 2009, 05:59:06 AM
I remember in 7th grade I was at my friends bar mitztvah. I'm kind of shy now depending on the situation but back then I could not approach a girl for the life of me. Anyways, music was playing and kids were acting a fool on the dancefloor grinding up on whatever ass girls had. I saw some girl and my buddies older brother noticed me scoping her out so he starts fucking with me bein like go up to her man she's  totally down just grab her hips and start grinding with her. So basically after pushing me into the crowd I walked up behind her all nervous like and instead of grabbing the hips I grab her shoulders and don't even fully grind up on her. So that was akward and lasted for maybe 30 seconds til she split to go see her friends. I walked past them at one point and could tell that they were talking the most shit possible so after that I sat around all bummed out and mostly embarresed. To this day it's still a little bit weird when I see her but it's whatever. She ended up sleeping with several of my buddies in the following 6 years after which made me laugh more than be mad or jealous.
 
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: ChrisGilmour on November 13, 2009, 10:40:32 AM
I was about 8 years old and me and my were fucking around, digging a hole or some shit, so he told me to go get a shovel from his house. I went back to his house and looked in the shed and found that the walls were covered in foil there was heat lamps on the roof and the ground was covered with weed. As an 8 year old it was the first time I ever saw that shit, i had no idea what it was.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: oyolar on November 14, 2009, 10:53:48 AM
I was about 8 years old and me and my were fucking around, digging a hole or some shit, so he told me to go get a shovel from his house. I went back to his house and looked in the shed and found that the walls were covered in foil there was heat lamps on the roof and the ground was covered with weed. As an 8 year old it was the first time I ever saw that shit, i had no idea what it was.

How is that awkward?
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: odp on November 14, 2009, 04:19:54 PM
I was about 8 years old and me and my were fucking around, digging a hole or some shit, so he told me to go get a shovel from his house. I went back to his house and looked in the shed and found that the walls were covered in foil there was heat lamps on the roof and the ground was covered with weed. As an 8 year old it was the first time I ever saw that shit, i had no idea what it was.

How is that awkward?

because he's trying to be cool
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: heckler on November 14, 2009, 05:33:14 PM
I remember in second or third grade I tried to shit in a urinal once, tried being the key word. I remember that there was an autistic or retarded kid in my class for third or fourth grade, and I always treated him like shit. I don't know why I did, but to this day I feel really bad about it. That's not really awkward, though.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: Ronald Wilson Reagan on November 14, 2009, 07:38:19 PM
I remember in second or third grade I tried to shit in a urinal once, tried being the key word. I remember that there was an autistic or retarded kid in my class for third or fourth grade, and I always treated him like shit. I don't know why I did, but to this day I feel really bad about it. That's not really awkward, though.
Face it, you often still laugh to yourself at the odd things that come out of autistic people's mouth, you just have the sensitivity to understand that by laughing, you are hurting that kid's feelings. Little kids don't.
Hey, out of curiousity, do you remember WHY you wanted to shit in a urinal? I've seen it before and have never understood the motivation.
Title: Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
Post by: TapLuxiferfet on November 14, 2009, 08:31:38 PM
I remember in second or third grade I tried to shit in a urinal once, tried being the key word. I remember that there was an autistic or retarded kid in my class for third or fourth grade, and I always treated him like shit. I don't know why I did, but to this day I feel really bad about it. That's not really awkward, though.
Face it, you often still laugh to yourself at the odd things that come out of autistic people's mouth, you just have the sensitivity to understand that by laughing, you are hurting that kid's feelings. Little kids don't.
Hey, out of curiousity, do you remember WHY you wanted to shit in a urinal? I've seen it before and have never understood the motivation.

Dude theres some thread on here where we talk about pissing all over bathrooms, so its the same reason.