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General Discussion => Classic SLAP => Topic started by: Bipsmound on October 31, 2009, 06:21:42 AM

Title: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Bipsmound on October 31, 2009, 06:21:42 AM
You are an intrepid explorer named Chase Homely.  Your eyes are as blue as the water at a Club Med resort.  After bungling your last outing in the Orient terribly, your employer, the Society for a Better Understanding of Ethnic People (SBUEP), is sending you on a working vacation to the land of topless beaches and stale bread.  The SBUEP wants you to infiltrate the country known as Liechtenstein and find out what the hell is going on over there.  You decided to travel light and only brought the clothes on your back and your trusty fanny pack with the following items inside: a loofah brush, tarot cards (nudie deck), a slingshot, and an assortment of jelly bellies.

After landing in Vienna, you try in vain to find chartered transportation to the small alpine principality of Liechtenstein.  Finally you find a local who is willing to take you in his Fiat for no small sum of euros.  After several hours of winding mountain roads, you reach the border checkpoint where armed guards block the road into Liechtenstein.  In broken English the driver tells you that they probably won't let you through.  You:

a) Ask the driver why the fuck he didn't tell you that in the first place
b) Tell him you'll pay him a hefty bonus to gun it and break on through to the other side
c) Boot his Austrian corybungus out of the car and blast through yourself
d) Do the charleston     
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: pancake man on October 31, 2009, 06:35:22 AM
A and then C
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: rawbertson. on October 31, 2009, 07:01:31 AM
D
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Bipsmound on October 31, 2009, 07:54:39 AM
You get out of the Fiat and walk slowly towards the guards.  The driver turns the car around and hightails it back to Austria.  As you approach the guards, they start to yell at you and point their rifles menacingly at your head.  You stop ten feet from the barricade they're standing behind as they howl like banshees.  You are cool and composed.  You calmly place your hands on your knees and start in with an exceptionally smooth charleston.  Immediately the yelling stops.  You look up at the guards and their mouths hang open in awe at your display of locomotive fortitude.  Your charleston continues, hypnotically lulling them into a deep trance.  One by one the guards collapse to the ground and slumber contentedly.  You observe the pleasant grins on each of their faces as they sleep.

Pleased with yourself, you march through the checkpoint and hike down the road into the valley of the capital of Liechtenstein, Vaduz.  You note the beauty of the valley and the quaint town that inhabits it.  Parched from your journey, you stop into a public house and order a large frothy ale.  The locals eye you suspiciously as you saddle up next to them at the bar.  Through your limited german, you can make out that they are gossiping about the Prince's sexual proclivities.  You:

a) Tell them that where you come from it's normal for leaders to have a harem of sultry sex slaves
b) Whip out the nudie pack of tarot cards
c) Challenge the big one with the curled moustache to an arm wrestling match
d) Tell them that their Prince is a fag   
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Rafiki on October 31, 2009, 08:56:29 AM
B
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: tysj! on October 31, 2009, 09:10:14 AM
I love you.

A
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: rawbertson. on October 31, 2009, 09:26:49 AM
i personally like D again
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: sven thorkel on October 31, 2009, 11:02:04 AM
D, but i think everyone knows that the Liechtenstein princes wrists are limper then a bizkit 
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: frisco on October 31, 2009, 11:09:19 AM
D

stoked this is back
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Zurg on October 31, 2009, 11:21:11 AM
D
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Bipsmound on October 31, 2009, 11:40:42 AM
You swivel on your stool to face the locals.  They sense that you are about to say something and their idle chatter falls silent.  A mischievous sense of malice creeps into your frontal lobe as you hear yourself saying the words "Ihre prinz ein homosexuellen" slowly and deliberately.  The large fellow with the curled moustache locks eyes with you.  He rolls up the sleeve of his shirt to reveal the words Liechtenstein 4evah tattooed on his forearm.  His arm is as thick as your thigh.  He gets off his stool and walks over to you.  He pulls back his arm and as it crushes your face everything goes white.

You wake up in a dusty bed unsure how much time has passed.  Your head throbs considerably as you run your fingers over your swollen eye.  

"Ah, sleeping beauty has awoken!", says a squeaky voice from the corner of the room.  You look over to see a greasy little man of diminuitive stature rocking back and forth in his chair.  He studies you through his wire rimmed spectacles.  "You shouldn't tangle with that Horst, he's the strongest man in all of Liechtenstein.  Some people consider him a national hero, but not me."  You try and piece together how you ended up in this musty room with the little weirdo, but your mind draws a blank.

"I heard what you said about our prince", says the weirdo in a hushed tone.  "I agree with you!  He is a fag!  Listen, I brought you here in the hopes that you might help our cause.  The prince is a wicked wicked man of considerably loose morals, I'm part of a clandestine organization that aims to depose him by any means necessary.  Will you help us?"

a) Sure, you little weirdo
b) Not for all the tea in China
c) Only if you loofah my back first
d) Who do you work for?  
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: sven thorkel on October 31, 2009, 12:26:00 PM
C, every coup starts with a little exfoliation
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Bobbito on October 31, 2009, 12:49:30 PM
C, A, A.
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Watson on October 31, 2009, 04:50:15 PM
This is amazing.

A. This will help you gain valuable information to "find out what the hell is going on over there."

C would be nice, but the little weirdo has already established he's not a fan of faggotry.
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Bipsmound on November 01, 2009, 04:22:17 PM
The little weirdo waits for your answer.  You sit up in your bed and wince at the pain in your side.  You manage to pull yourself to your feet, noticing that the only thing preventing your nudity is a pair of boxer shorts.  The weirdo sits patiently, his eyes fixed upon you.  You reach for your fanny pack on the floor and pull out a long filthy loofah.  You place the loofah in the little weirdo's hand as he looks up with a quizzical expression on his face.  You turn around and motion menacingly that he better get to work if he knows what's good for his well being.

After a thorough cleansing of the neglected pores of your flesh, you tell him you're in for bringing the Prince down.  You ask what the plan is.

"The Prince is a real sucker for young men with mysterious blue bedroom eyes," says the little weirdo.  "If we get you in the right spot at the right time, I'm sure he'll take the bait.  We'll have to dress you up though.  Prince Alois likes them neat and tidy.  Once you've got him alone, this knife should do the trick."

He hands you a small sleek fold out knife and then goes over to the wardrobe beside the door.  He lays four outfits on the bed and says, "pick whatever you think you can work.  You have to have the right attitude if you're going to do this, so make sure you pick one that'll give you some kind of sexual confidence out there."
You pick:

a) Lederhosen
b) Fluorescent snowsuit with matching Oakley Blades
c) One piece sparkly spandex bodysuit
d) Canadian Tuxedo   
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: the ragamuffin on November 01, 2009, 04:31:45 PM
Definitely B
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Zurg on November 01, 2009, 04:51:48 PM
can tux will reel in any gay royalty, anywhere. D
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Watson on November 01, 2009, 05:09:04 PM
D. The gays love denim the most next to leather.
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: loophole on November 01, 2009, 05:16:51 PM
b!
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: The Drew on November 01, 2009, 05:25:46 PM
D
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Boston. on November 01, 2009, 06:07:43 PM
b then d
i fucking love you bipsmound
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: sven thorkel on November 01, 2009, 07:51:36 PM
canadian tuxedo with the oakley blades... wait, how about oakley medusas?
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: PAWL on November 01, 2009, 09:04:43 PM
c
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Boobies on November 01, 2009, 10:42:55 PM
Although 80's snow suit does sound pretty rockin, how can you honestly think that that beats a full denim ensemble ?

The Canadian tuxedo is and always will be timeless, its rugged but refined at the same time. Your classy, but not to classy.  Perfect for luring this king in with
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: rawbertson. on November 02, 2009, 04:00:17 AM
d for denim
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: MexicanSpaniard on November 02, 2009, 10:17:58 AM
C if it's black, it'll make his bedroom blues pop.
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Mooley on November 02, 2009, 03:51:13 PM
D, though the oakley's are tempting.
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Donkey Lips on November 02, 2009, 04:17:00 PM
D. there's nothing like the smooth wash of a denim blue covering neck to kankles.
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: bentmode on November 03, 2009, 04:44:25 AM
Left us hanging...again. Way to hose everyone.
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: rawbertson. on November 03, 2009, 08:19:24 AM
hes probably busy cooking shit up in the lab he aint a fiend like all a yall (myself included)
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Bipsmound on November 03, 2009, 01:21:02 PM
You consider each outfit with the careful deliberation of a Nasa engineer.  The blue of the denim complements your eyes of deepest azure as you slip into the well worn jeans and jacket.  The pants fit tighter than OJ's glove and you catch your reflection in the mirror of the wardrobe.  Seeing your image fills you with a commanding sexual presence and you feel half a boner beginning to form at the thought of the escapades you could unleash on the public in a getup like this.  A tuft of chest hair peaks over the top button of your tight denim jacket and you feel as cocksure as William Shatner at a Star Trek convention.

"Ahh, now you are ready," says the little weirdo looking over your ensemble approvingly.  "Prince Alois will be at a gala dinner tonight at the Chateau Montlebon.  It is there he will see you, and there you will strike."   

You meet the weirdo in an alley outside the hotel shortly before the dinner is about to begin.  He provides you with a counterfeit handstamp to get you inside and wishes you luck.  You project great confidence as you swagger up the red carpet and through the doors of the hotel.  You make a beeline to the hotel bar.  You pull a picture of the prince out of your jacket pocket and survey the upper crust of Liechtenstein on hand to try and find a matching face.  You begin to feel slightly out of place amid the sea of tuxedos and evening gowns.  The bartender asks you what you'd like.

a) Mint Julep
b) Ask him for some of the good stuff and tap your nose twice
c) Announce loudly to the bar that "This sexy boy wants to party"
d) Tell him a long and rambling story about your days as a lieutenant in the Rhodesian military
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: MexicanSpaniard on November 03, 2009, 01:23:35 PM
A, B then C.
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: rawbertson. on November 03, 2009, 01:23:48 PM
B
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Jura on November 03, 2009, 01:25:09 PM
We all know from past adventures that Chase Homely is into the nose candy...that said...

B!
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Donkey Lips on November 03, 2009, 02:32:08 PM
B.  Be classy.
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: sven thorkel on November 03, 2009, 03:18:27 PM
what MS said. chase needs some white veins to get the party insane
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Watson on November 03, 2009, 04:18:19 PM
Definitely B then C.
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: The Drew on November 03, 2009, 04:19:07 PM
b. b then c
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Beer Keg Peg Leg on November 03, 2009, 08:39:02 PM
Definitely B then C.
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: lem on November 03, 2009, 11:56:28 PM
I was going to say C, but no sexy boy can party without a few drinks in him. So B.
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Choad Muskrat on November 04, 2009, 07:39:51 AM
Expand Quote
Definitely B then C.
[close]
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Boston. on November 04, 2009, 09:21:41 AM
b then c!
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Zurg on November 04, 2009, 11:16:44 PM
B
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Bipsmound on November 05, 2009, 12:40:50 PM
You catch the bartender's lecherous eye and tap your nose twice, the international sign for nasal spices.  He taps his nose twice and points to the washroom.  You follow him into the handicapped stall and he wastes no time laying out some caterpillars on the immaculate porcelain of the toilet tank.  The bartender hits it with great gusto and motions for you to do the same.  As you stand up and tilt your head back to savor the sting, the bartender puts his arms around you from behind.  He starts rubbing gently rubbing your chest and it feels good, but not so good that you forget the task at hand.  You feel the sexual frenzy that your denim second skin exudes and momentarily marvel at its power.  Like moths to a flame you think to yourself.

You ask the bartender about Prince Alois, is he here?  The bartender is sullen and dejected at your rejection of his advances, but you manage to get it out of him that the Prince is in the upper dining hall entertaining a consortium of Lichtenstein's false teeth manufacturers.  You leave the bartender to cry in the toilet and ascend the lushly carpeted staircase to the second floor of the hotel.  Through the open double doors of the dining hall you see Prince Alois.  He is sitting at the head of a long dining table recounting some sort of anecdote to a crowd of attentive middle aged dumpy looking businessmen.  He speaks animatedly, his dark brown eyes darting from one listener to the next.  A well coiffed ponytail drapes over his sparkling gold tinged cape and you wonder to yourself how the burly dude at the bar could've been offended at you calling the Prince a fag.  The Prince sees you.  You:

a) Casually drop a handkerchief on the floor and bend over to pick it up with your posterior pointing his way
b) Slowly and seductively take two jelly bellies out of your trusty fanny pack and place one in each of your nostrils
c) Crawl towards him on the dinner table on your hands and knees while hissing and scratching like a cat
d) Happy Birthday a la Marilyn Monroe             
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Foray on November 05, 2009, 12:44:09 PM
a
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: MexicanSpaniard on November 05, 2009, 01:18:20 PM
A, a little discretion is probably called for at this point but b and c sound like fun.
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Beer Keg Peg Leg on November 05, 2009, 03:22:01 PM
How could anyone pick anything but

C
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: All Hail Wu Welsh on November 05, 2009, 04:10:40 PM
A, if that doesn't work then C
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: The Drew on November 05, 2009, 04:55:48 PM
a
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: sven thorkel on November 05, 2009, 05:58:56 PM
this is too hard. what back pocket do you put the handkerchief in to notify members of the gay communtity that you take it in the butt?
but wait, if you put a handkerchief in a fanny pack does that have extra naughty implications?

i'll have to go with A
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Watson on November 05, 2009, 08:04:51 PM
A! You're wearing a Canadian tuxedo for fuck's sake. Work it!
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Boston. on November 05, 2009, 11:56:13 PM
a then c then b
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Mooley on November 06, 2009, 12:03:00 AM
No reason you can't throw a little posterior action his way through option C.
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Jura on November 06, 2009, 06:06:42 AM
Again, as a follower of the series, I know that Chase's fanny pack contents are usually needed in some way, shape or form...

Im going with B.
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: rawbertson. on November 06, 2009, 09:47:04 AM
damn bips you a good writer yall got like adjectives and shit like that thats all proper and shit, all different ones and shit too like switchin it up really puttin me in the exact place of the story like i was really there!

id like to go D but then we aint savin nothin to the imagination
i aint really feelin C that much, aint fag enough
i dont think B is gonna work

so we gotta go with A
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: CaptainMorganFreeman on November 06, 2009, 10:39:08 AM
A, Chase has to start out subtle on this one i think
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Narcissus on November 06, 2009, 01:16:04 PM
what about jellybeans in the posterior?
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: TheFreshSC on November 06, 2009, 02:45:31 PM
A. ^ your sig is very relevant
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Zurg on November 06, 2009, 06:31:33 PM
A
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Bipsmound on November 07, 2009, 08:28:20 AM
Prince Alois halts his speech and looks you up and down intently.  The slovenly businessmen turn their eyes towards you and look on with surprise.  The Prince doesn't say a word, but you clearly have his attention.  You turn around facing away from him and remove a red handkerchief from your back right pocket.  Ever so casually, you let it fall to the ground in front of you.  Slowly, gracefully, you bend over from the waist to pick it up.  You can feel the seat of your pants begin to tighten across your corybungus.  You grab the hanky, your rump proudly displayed in all its glory for those present to marvel at.  Still bent over, you look back to see the Prince's jaw hanging open and you know you have him in the palm of your hand.  You raise your hand and bring it down upon your own buttocks with a great deal of force.  The tight stretched denim amplifies the slap like the skin of a drum and you reflect momentarily upon the resonance of your bum drum in the high arched ceilings of the dining hall. 

The moment the soundwaves reach the ear canal of Prince Alois, his pupils dialate considerably.  He stands up at once, intent on abandoning the befuddled businessmen that surround him.  He walks towards you, his lamé cape dragging across the plush red of the carpet.  As if in a trance, he takes you by the arm and leads you towards a private room up the stairs from the dining hall.

You both enter the room arm in arm and he shuts the door tight.  He turns to you and without saying a word begins to grope at your denim like a man drowning in quicksand.  He squeezes your bottom as if trying desperately to extract milk from it.  You pull him tightly towards you and turn him around by his shoulders.  He is moaning profusely as he tilts his head back, his luxuriantly soft ponytail rubbing against your neck and face. 

Quietely and deftly, you reach into your jacket pocket and pull out the small sleek blade the little weirdo gave you.  You hold him firmly with one arm and bring the knife to his throat with the other.  He gasps and freezes like a deer in headlights.  The Prince begins to tremble in your grip.  Softly at first, but progressively more violent.  You notice beads of sweat beginning to form all over his face as you hold his head back across your shoulder.

"What do you want?  Please... I'll give you anything.  I'll do anything.  I'll make you rich!  Just tell me, please!"

You:

a) Ask him if he wants to hear a joke
b) Tell him if he wants to live, he needs to turn Liechtenstein into an all expenses paid resort for retired explorers
c) Demand he turn over ownership of the Cincinnati Bengals to you
d) Slit him like a hog and let the red red kroovy flow
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: loophole on November 07, 2009, 09:47:13 AM
a
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: ed... on November 07, 2009, 09:47:59 AM
a
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: TheFreshSC on November 07, 2009, 11:03:31 AM
a
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Boston. on November 07, 2009, 11:51:33 AM
c
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: GnArcIsSisTic on November 07, 2009, 03:14:04 PM
a followed by directly by d
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Watson on November 07, 2009, 04:23:14 PM
A. You gotta fuck with him first. Schwarzenegger style.
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: PAWL on November 07, 2009, 05:07:44 PM
c then d

or a except tell him the 9/11 knock knock joke and then D right after the punch line
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: CaptainMorganFreeman on November 08, 2009, 06:51:26 AM
joke then murder
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: The Drew on November 08, 2009, 07:43:30 AM
a
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: scootboard on November 08, 2009, 11:17:52 AM
a please
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: sven thorkel on November 08, 2009, 07:32:29 PM
a

if you tomlick that chelloveck and let the red kroovy flow like moloko a chasso or millicent will come in a minoota
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Bipsmound on November 08, 2009, 08:51:11 PM
Prince Alois' trembling gets to the point that you have to hold the knife out from his neck to keep from inadvertently sawing through it.  You the need to keep him at ease until some kind of bargain can be reached.  You try to calm his nerves by asking him if he'd like to hear a joke.  The Prince says nothing, so you repeat your question in a calm deliberate tone, realizing as you hear your own speech how twisted an individual he must think you to be.  The Prince stutters, "O-o-okay."

You clear your throat and present your question with great eloquence.  "Where do you find a no-legged dog?" you ask.  The Prince doesn't answer.  He seems to be pondering the right response in hopes that you might spare his life.  His uncontrollable shaking subsides as he says in a tense high pitched voice, "I dunno?"

He waits for your reply, completely frozen on his feet, not even breathing in fear of the repercussions you have in mind for him.  You say nothing, letting the silence hang heavily in the dank uncirculated air of the musty hotel.  You wait for a whole minute, two minutes.  The Prince closes his eyes and says a silent prayer to himself as his lip quivers wildly. 

You speak, "Right where you left him."

A squeak escapes from the mouth of the Prince.  Then a guffaw.  Then a hysterical laughter that fills the room with a horrible unpleasantness.  Part Mozart, part Fran Drescher, his laugh is a truly disgusting thing to behold.  You release him from your clutches as he drops to the floor in hysterics.  The tension must have snapped a cord in his brain, you think to yourself.  Prince Alois rolls about on the lush carpet screaming with hideous glee.  You look at his face and observe that his eyes have rolled into the back of his head and a froth has begun to form at the corners of his mouth.

He clutches his chest as his laughter is suddenly replaced with a deep groan of pain.  His voice fades to a faint chortle barely audible among the spasms of his limbs.  You watch the life fade from his body as his eyes become dim and glazed.  A quiet washes over what a moment before had been a pleading squeamish embodiment of homosexual royalty. 

The battle had been won without firing a shot, you think to yourself.  A tinge of panic creeps up your spine and the urge to split come quickly.  The still present cocaine sharpness floods your brain rapidly as you consider seven different plans of action at once.  You slip down the stairs at a brisk pace, past the open doors of the dining hall still filled with false teeth businessmen, and into the cool air of the Liechtenstein evening. 

You head back to the tavern where you were knocked out with the faint hope you might see the little weirdo, but he is nowhere to be seen.  You order a drink and begin to mentally sort through what had transpired.  Who is this organization that's interested in killing the Prince?  Were you merely a pawn in their game?  Would you ever uncover the dark truth of the little weirdo's motives?  And what of the gay cokehead bartender?  Would he ever find true love?  And what about Chase's vacation?

The answer to all these questions and more will be revealed next time as Chase Homely visits the darkest corners of Africa to try and uncover the most ancient of secrets.

THE END
         
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Watson on November 08, 2009, 09:02:32 PM
(http://www.comicbookmovie.com/images/users/uploads/10959/clapping.gif)
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: Boston. on November 08, 2009, 09:31:57 PM
yet another great installment
143 bipsmound
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: you took to much on November 09, 2009, 04:37:40 PM
thank you bippy. this was pure gold.
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: sven thorkel on November 09, 2009, 08:22:12 PM
im so intrigued by little weirdo. what was his plan for? how did he find you? what does he eat on his toast?
i want him to have a spin off. maybe he can move to LA and make it as an infomercial actor. this could be as good as joey
Title: Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 3 - European Vacation Sensation
Post by: MexicanSpaniard on November 10, 2009, 08:55:11 AM
Thanks bipsmound