most perverted thing you've done

[Broken Dreams]

so i'm watching 2 girls 1 cup for like the 1000th time (shit's hilarious!) and I suddenly thought 'hmm what's the most perverted thing i've ever done?' and i realized what it was;

SO, I must have been around 9 or 10 when my grandma got this dog she called Bungie who, supposedly, was half dog/half wolf. This immediately sparked an interest with my brother and I, who had been into wild animals like tigers, lions, bears, and especially wolves. (lol this is fucked up talking about haha) Well anyways, one day while my grandma was babysitting us, I started getting really bored and my brother fell asleep on the couch so I couldn't make him play with me or anything and we had just had a huge argument over these Pokemon toys our mother had bought us the day before so it didn't really matter. Grandma was downstairs in the basement doing the laundry and Bungie the wolf dog was sitting beside me with his tongue out. (like your mom LOL jk haha) I started getting this really fucked idea that I wanted to do something to my brother while he was sleeping. I thought about drawing on him, but that was too boring and I didn't have a pen. So I called Bungie the wolf dog over with me and I carefully unzipped my brothers shorts and pulled out his penis. (fuck me) I was trying to drag Bungie over by his collar but he wouldn't come any closer, and I didn't want to wake my brother up or else my scheme would be ruined. At this point, one hand was clasped around my brothers 8 year old cock, and the other around Bungie the wolf dog's collar, and my arms are stretched about as far as they could go. Well in the middle of all this ruckus I hear my grandma scream behind me and I turn to see her with the most disgusted look on her face staring at me. I immediately let go of my brothers penis and ran out the door. I didn't return back for a good 3 hours or so and when I did my grandma told me NOT to tell another living person about this, especially my grandfather who is HATES homosexuals with all his mite. I didn't tell anybody about this until a couple of years ago when my dad made me go see a shrink.

well that's my fucked up, perverted story haha, now what's yours?

peace,

Elijah

[City of Drunken Totems]

i kissed a girl and i liked it...

[Upgrayedd]

one time i stuck my wee wee in a girls hoo hoo.

[OGSavon]

i once jacked off to whoopi goldberg.

[Ted Haggard]

Elijah,
 I, as a man of the Lord am disturbed by this "perverted" story you have disclosed publicly on the world wide web. Perverted doesn't even come close to describing what you have done. Sadly, I can relate. I have gone down that dark path before in my day and might even again in the near future. That dark path is sexual immorality. Yes, your were young, but your touched your brother's penis and hopefully one day you will be forgiven. Homosexuality and incest are the devil's playthings. I too, have played with that devil, but believe me when I say I have changed.

                                                                                                                                                -Respectfully, Ted

“Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind.”  Corinthians 6:9

[cat]

     once in 4th grade I was making a school video project with some girl i was paired up with in class to do the video project together. anyways, we were in the forest close to the school and she asked me if i wanted to see her vagina. i said yes i did and she pulled down her shorts and there it was, the holy grail, the monument of 1000 whispers, the golden egg. her cunt looked like a squished elf ear and i was amazed. I stared for the longest time and asked if i could touch her. she hesitated but said 'ok'. so i started touching it and she began laughing and explaining how it tickled. well, there i was on my knees in the dirt, my hand cupping a 4th grade cunt and out of the corner of my eye i see something amazing. a snail. i quickly pick up the snail and put it on this girls cunt. she looks down to see what the gushy, slimy substance was, and when she saw the snail she screamed and tried to run away. unfortunately her shorts were still around her ankles so she tripped and sprained her wrist. she immediately began balling her eyes out and when we returned to class we had to explain why she was crying, and i'm a horrible liar.

[Beer Keg Peg Leg]

one time i was looking through my moms bedside table looking for a book of mine and i found a dildo and lube so i went into the bathroom and stuck it in my ass

[City of Drunken Totems]

    once in 4th grade I was making a school video project with some girl i was paired up with in class to do the video project together. anyways, we were in the forest close to the school and she asked me if i wanted to see her vagina. i said yes i did and she pulled down her shorts and there it was, the holy grail, the monument of 1000 whispers, the golden egg. her cunt looked like a squished elf ear and i was amazed. I stared for the longest time and asked if i could touch her. she hesitated but said 'ok'. so i started touching it and she began laughing and explaining how it tickled. well, there i was on my knees in the dirt, my hand cupping a 4th grade cunt and out of the corner of my eye i see something amazing. a snail. i quickly pick up the snail and put it on this girls cunt. she looks down to see what the gushy, slimy substance was, and when she saw the snail she screamed and tried to run away. unfortunately her shorts were still around her ankles so she tripped and sprained her wrist. she immediately began balling her eyes out and when we returned to class we had to explain why she was crying, and i'm a horrible liar.

you sir, have lived a moment in life that i only could dream of.

[A Rolled Ankle]

one time i was looking through my moms bedside table looking for a book of mine and i found a dildo and lube so i went into the bathroom and stuck it in my ass

hahaha i hope that is true because if it is your fucked

[rocklobster]

    once in 4th grade I was making a school video project with some girl i was paired up with in class to do the video project together. anyways, we were in the forest close to the school and she asked me if i wanted to see her vagina. i said yes i did and she pulled down her shorts and there it was, the holy grail, the monument of 1000 whispers, the golden egg. her cunt looked like a squished elf ear and i was amazed. I stared for the longest time and asked if i could touch her. she hesitated but said 'ok'. so i started touching it and she began laughing and explaining how it tickled. well, there i was on my knees in the dirt, my hand cupping a 4th grade cunt and out of the corner of my eye i see something amazing. a snail. i quickly pick up the snail and put it on this girls cunt. she looks down to see what the gushy, slimy substance was, and when she saw the snail she screamed and tried to run away. unfortunately her shorts were still around her ankles so she tripped and sprained her wrist. she immediately began balling her eyes out and when we returned to class we had to explain why she was crying, and i'm a horrible liar.

as great as your story is, im going to have to cry for Chris Hansen....

[spungo]

My old man caught me jerking it to scrambled porn.  Not too perverted, I guess this could be filed under your most emberassing sexual experience... Worst part was I was in college at the time, not some middle school shit.

[Corona]

UN TIEMPO YO ESTAVA MIRANDO LA TELEVISION Y MI PRIMITO QUERIA USAR LA TELE Y YO LE DIJE QUE EL TIENE QUE PONER MI PENE EN SU BOCA PRIMERO Y LO ISO! SENTI GAY PARA UN MINUTO PERO FUE GRACIOSO!

[vince the stud]

one time i stuck my wee wee in a girls hoo hoo.

hahahaha

[Canuck]

put peanut butter in my cats food dish

[EricLogan]

one time around gradeschool, I found one of those little porn video brochure things on the street, the ones that're like 200 pages with like thumbnail sized pictures of titties and whatnot and a phone number to order the videos, and I took the little booklet, hid it under my coat and walked home, and then when I got home, I walked down into the gultch behind my house and jacked off to it in the woods. I wiped my spunk on a log or some shit, and hid the mag in a hallowed out tree stump and ended up jacking off to it every day for like a week straight, until one day it mysteriously vanished

[Upgrayedd]

i dont think i have ever jacked off outside, actually i dont even think i have ever even taken a shit outside.

man, you're blowin it (surprise?). It's the best.

[cheep]

DOUBLE TEAMED MY WIFE WITH MY BROTHER

[Tom Foolery]

in my after-high-school-before-real-life days, pretty much had an orgy at my friends apartment.  we were all sitting around one night getting wasted. it was like 3 couples and then some random girls. once my buddy who owned the apartment started realizing an orgy was about to break loose he locked the doors and turned out the lights and left a black light on. there was this one girl i was really into at the time and she and my GF did things to each other and me that i've only read about.    shit was real.  my dick is hard just typing this and thinking about it.

[Carrolls Chesthairs]

(.)| |(.)
   o o

[COMMUNITYPACK]

I'm actually gonna get serious with this one, one time I was fucking this chick I didn't shave and had stuble on my face, I was fucking her and my face was rubbing on her, and the next morning she woke up with a rash on her face. It was fucking funny, she was pissed. haha, not the most perverted but whatever.

This is without doubt the funniest thing I have ever read.

You gave her stubble rash? FUCKING GNARLY.

[beardface]

Elijah,
 I, as a man of the Lord am disturbed by this "perverted" story you have disclosed publicly on the world wide web. Perverted doesn't even come close to describing what you have done. Sadly, I can relate. I have gone down that dark path before in my day and might even again in the near future. That dark path is sexual immorality. Yes, your were young, but your touched your brother's penis and hopefully one day you will be forgiven. Homosexuality and incest are the devil's playthings. I too, have played with that devil, but believe me when I say I have changed.

                                                                                                                                                -Respectfully, Ted

“Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind.”  Corinthians 6:9

i like where this is going.

[wake and bacon]

her cunt looked like a squished elf ear and i was amazed.

[sparksandblood]

Expand Quote

i dont think i have ever jacked off outside, actually i dont even think i have ever even taken a shit outside.

[close]

man, you're blowin it (surprise?). It's the best.

is it more enjoyable in cold or warm weather?

[MexicanSpaniard]

Nothing I do is preverted, it's all perfectly normal.

[Garth Algar]

did you ever find bugs bunny attractive in a dress playing a girl bunny?

[fattygay]

probably jerking off at work
i really havent lived

[tanhoe]

probably jerking off at work
i really havent lived

done that a few times.

[McGarngle]

So I called Bungie the wolf dog over with me and I carefully unzipped my brothers shorts and pulled out his penis.

      i quickly pick up the snail and put it on this girls cunt.

wow, i'm not even going to try to post anything...

[jalopy james]

ATM

[Ben Throttle]

Jacking off in the school bathrooms. You know when your exchanging looks with the chick across the room, you might of given her a look or she might have gaven you a look but your both feeling echother. You start getting an image in your mind of you fucking her and that's when i ask the teacher for a bathroom pass