need help ... shitty english inside

[Matze]

i just copied this vitae i had to do for an application ... it would be nice if someone could look through it, i'm sure there are couple of mistakes ... but wait for my application letter, it's going to be a mess.

"CURRICULUM VITAE



Persönliche Daten

Name:   Matthias Winkel
Date of birth:   30.05.1982, in Gdansk/Poland
Address:   XXXXXXX XX, XXXXX Erfurt
   Tel.:XXXXXXXXXXXXX
   e-mail: m_winkel@XXX.XX
Marital status:   single

Education

1989    Primary School Wilhelms-Grundschule in Stuttgart
1989 - 1993   Primary School Martin Luther Grundschule in Stuttgart 
1993 - 2002   Secondary School Elly Heuss-Knapp Gymnasiums in Stuttgart, A Levels

Work Experience

2002 - 2004   alternative civilian service the German Red Cross ,
   Mobile Social Service, Stuttgart-Bad Cannstatt
2004 - now   voluntary work for the German Red Cross

Studies

2004    Studies of late history at the University Tübingen
from 01.10.2006   Social Work Studies at the University of Applied Science Erfurt

Internships and other activities


1999   Internship at the youth centre, Stuttgart-Birkach
2000 – 2004   Leader of Boardrider Organisation Stuttgart e.V.
2008   Six month internship at the Volksbund Deutsche Kriegsgräberfürsorge e.V. in Erfurt

Personal Skills


Languages:   English fluent
   Basics at Polish and French
   Started to learn Dutch
Other activity:   Art photographer



Stuttgart  04.11. 2009 "

[MexicanSpaniard]

Depends on what they want I guess, but a little detail/description of what you did at all those places may help.

[Matze]

this is just a regular (tabular) vitae, i just want you to look after spelling and grammar. i only did the copy and paste thing so it looks like shit now^^ just look out for the stuff that usually makes me hard to understand here, hahaha.

well, i finished my regular application ... it would be kind, if somebody could correct it. i'm tired as hell and the stuff has to hit the mailbox tomorrow in the morning ... thanks dudes!


"Matthias Winkel
xxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxx
Germany
e-mail: m_winkxxxxxxx




Dear Sir and Madam,


I am writing to ask if there might be a vacant position for a practical trainee in your company from December 2009 - March 2010.
I am 27 years old and I study at the University of Applied Science in Erfurt. I would most like to apply for an internship in the field of international and intercultural Social Work. In a large company such as yours, I believe I could acquire better insight into my field of study.

After I finished highschool I worked for the German Red Cross at the Mobile Social Service.  I mostly worked with handicapped people, elderly people and migrants. I still work there when I'm in my hometown.
My professional interest and my personal experience come together for this internship. At the age of six, I came to West-Germany and grew up in an international environment. During my studies my interest in intercultural worked enlarged and I chose it as my main subject. In the last year I took the chance to go on study trips to the USA and Ukraine, which included student exchange.
I worked for the Volksbund Deutsche Kriegsgräberfürsorge e.V. during my first practical semester, where I gained considerable practical working experience. I mostly organized international work-camps for young people from all over Europe and I was in charge in two of them.

The importance of international mobility for students is becoming more and more emphasized and I am very eager to gain practical experience by working abroad. This will not only help to improve prospects for my future professional career, but will allow me to learn more about Belgium as well.
I can speak, read and write English fluently and since I'm born in Poland, I understand Polish pretty well. I also had French in school and started to learn Dutch by myself a couple of weeks ago.
 
Enclosed are resume and copies of my certificates. I would very much welcome the opportunity to do my internship with your company and would appreciate your prompt reply. Thank you very much for your help.


Sincerely,


Matthias Winkel"

[SFblah]

Corrections underlined.  Also, I rearranged a few sentences because starting a sentence with "I" isn't recommended to be used too much and gets redundant.  Sometimes you can't avoid it though.

this is just a regular (tabular) vitae, i just want you to look after spelling and grammar. i only did the copy and paste thing so it looks like shit now^^ just look out for the stuff that usually makes me hard to understand here, hahaha.

well, i finished my regular application ... it would be kind, if somebody could correct it. i'm tired as hell and the stuff has to hit the mailbox tomorrow in the morning ... thanks dudes!


"Matthias Winkel
xxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxx
Germany
e-mail: m_winkxxxxxxx




Dear Sir and Madam,


I am writing to ask if there might be a vacant position for a practical trainee in your company from December 2009 - March 2010.
I am 27 years old and I study at the University of Applied Science in Erfurt. I would most like to apply for an internship in the field of international and intercultural Social Work. In a large company such as yours, I believe I could acquire better insight into my field of study.

After I finished highschool I worked for the German Red Cross at the Mobile Social Service.  I mostly worked with handicapped people, elderly people and migrants. When I am back in my hometown I still volunteer there.
My professional interest and my personal experience come together for this internship. At the age of six, I came to West-Germany and grew up in an international environment. During my studies my interest in intercultural work enlarged and I chose it as my main subject. In the last year I took the chance to go on study trips to the USA and Ukraine, which included student exchange.
During my practical semester I worked for the Volksbund Deutsche Kriegsgräberfürsorge e.V. where I gained considerable practical working experience.  My primary responsibility was to organize international work-camps for young people from all over Europe and I was in charge of two of them.

The importance of international mobility for students is becoming more and more emphasized and I am very eager to gain practical experience by working abroad. This will not only help to improve prospects for my future professional career, but will allow me to learn more about Belgium as well.
As for secondary languages I can speak, read, and write English fluently and since I'm born in Poland I understand Polish very well. Also, I had French in school and started to learn Dutch by myself a couple of weeks ago.
 
Enclosed is my resume and copies of my certificates. I would very much welcome the opportunity to do my internship with your company and would appreciate your prompt reply. Thank you very much for your help.


Sincerely,


Matthias Winkel"

[SFblah]

I just updated again regarding the Red Cross when back in your hometown.  Maybe volunteer isn't right because you might get paid.  If you aren't getting paid then volunteer is right.


**Other than what I changed it's written well. Not shitty.

[Matze]

thank's man! i understand your point with the red cross, but it's officially paid while it's voluntary work. it's not as much a regular job, that's why it is possible.

i hope to receive a positive answer to that, because the internship would be at the red cross in antwerpen/belgium.

[Amos Moses]

You should add "To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal, light up the stage and wax a chump like a candle. Dance crush the speakiers that boom, I'm killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom. So fast, other DJs say DAMN, if rhyme was a drug I'd sell it by the gram."

[Eschaton]

Wouldn't your red cross work be your mandatory civil service like they have in Germany? If so that's not volunteer work.

[Stoeipoes]

thank's man! i understand your point with the red cross, but it's officially paid while it's voluntary work. it's not as much a regular job, that's why it is possible.

i hope to receive a positive answer to that, because the internship would be at the red cross in antwerpen/belgium.

Antwerpen is great!

What dutch words do you know?

Hou je van piemels of poesjes?

[Bobbito]

Capitalize the first entry under 'work experience'

[Matze]

Capitalize the first entry under 'work experience'

it's too late .... everything is in antwerpen now ...

yeah, my dutch. i started to learn it online, bought a book to learn phrases and whatnot ... i totally sat there for 10 hours, that's it. i only wrote it down to show them that i'm willing to learn the language.

wish me good luck for that, i just received my 4th denial (?) in a row. it just sucks.

[Yo Mr. Hapredingli]

hope it's not too late, but you should maybe add your title "king of Erfurt", that you obtained in late 2007 (even though you might not hold it anymore, but who's gonna research that?). It's small things like these that really make the difference.
 you're welcome.

[Alan]

I thought it's "the little hero of Erfurt"...

A girl I know is doing her year abroad in Erfurt. She said that the town is pretty much dead partywise and that Weimar is much cooler. You need to go back and liven the place up a little!

[Matze]

because she only hangs out with students and students suck.

[Alan]

That's true, actually.