Author Topic: Joke thread  (Read 1962 times)

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JB

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #60 on: August 10, 2018, 04:48:11 AM »
what do you call the worst thread on slap?

kentrock

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #61 on: August 10, 2018, 08:30:35 PM »
Q: What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
A: Juan on Juan.

kentrock

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #62 on: August 10, 2018, 08:32:28 PM »
A woman goes to a doctor named Dr. Wong. "Doctor, I can't get a date, no one will go out with me." In a very thick Asian accent, Dr. Wong says, "Take off clothes and get on all four hands and knees." She does. "Now crawl to wall." She does so and looks back at him. "I know what wrong." “What is it Doctor! What do I have?" "You have Ed Zachary disease." "Ed Zachary disease? What is that?!" "You face look Ed Zachary like you ass!"

kentrock

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #63 on: August 11, 2018, 08:13:32 PM »
Little Johnny's teacher gives the class a homework assignment, "Explain the difference between a theory and reality." Little Johnny goes home and is so stumped he asks his sisters ages 21 and 16 for help, and they can't come up with anything either. He then tries asking his father. The father thinks for a bit and replies, "Go to your older sister and ask her if she would suck a guys dick. Then ask her if she would do it for a million dollars. Then go to your younger sister and ask her the same two questions. Write down their answers and bring it back to me." Johnny says, "Okay," and runs off to find his older sister. He asks her the first question and she responds, "Maybe, if I like him." "Would you do it for a million dollars?" She replies, "Hell yes!" He finds the younger sister and asks her the same questions. Her first reply was "Eeeew, no!" but the second answer was "Yeah, sure." Johnny writes down their answers and takes them back to his father. The father looks over them and replies, "There you go." Johnny asks, "What do you mean?" The father says, "Well in theory we have two million dollars, but in reality we have two cocksuckers."

Betaphenylethylalamine

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #64 on: August 12, 2018, 09:57:16 AM »
Little Johnny's teacher gives the class a homework assignment, "Explain the difference between a theory and reality." Little Johnny goes home and is so stumped he asks his sisters ages 21 and 16 for help, and they can't come up with anything either. He then tries asking his father. The father thinks for a bit and replies, "Go to your older sister and ask her if she would suck a guys dick. Then ask her if she would do it for a million dollars. Then go to your younger sister and ask her the same two questions. Write down their answers and bring it back to me." Johnny says, "Okay," and runs off to find his older sister. He asks her the first question and she responds, "Maybe, if I like him." "Would you do it for a million dollars?" She replies, "Hell yes!" He finds the younger sister and asks her the same questions. Her first reply was "Eeeew, no!" but the second answer was "Yeah, sure." Johnny writes down their answers and takes them back to his father. The father looks over them and replies, "There you go." Johnny asks, "What do you mean?" The father says, "Well in theory we have two million dollars, but in reality we have two cocksuckers."

That's a fucked up joke but I did laugh.

dirtyweemidden

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #65 on: August 12, 2018, 10:24:18 AM »
I applied for a job cleaning mirrors today,
thats a job i can really see myself doing.

dirtyweemidden

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #66 on: August 12, 2018, 10:25:55 AM »
i also applied for a farm hand position, in the interview the farmer asked if i had ever Shoe'd a horse before.
I said 'No, but I once told a Donkey to fuck off'


#moredadjokesplease
« Last Edit: August 12, 2018, 12:52:36 PM by dirtyweemidden »

Johnny

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #67 on: August 12, 2018, 11:41:23 AM »
How many rednecks does it take to eat a possum?

Two. One to eat it and one to watch out for cars.

kentrock

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #68 on: August 12, 2018, 10:46:21 PM »
Girl: Hey wanna know what gets my pussy wet?
Boy: what? ;)
Girl: Toilet water when I shit out a small whale.

kentrock

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #69 on: August 12, 2018, 10:50:55 PM »
What do you get when you take two hookers to Red Lobster? 10% off for bringing your own crabs.

fulltechnicalskizzy

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #70 on: August 13, 2018, 12:08:17 PM »
That’s not even a real promotion.

dirtyweemidden

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #71 on: August 13, 2018, 02:00:08 PM »
What do you get when you take two hookers to Red Lobster? 10% off for bringing your own crabs.


Please stop

kentrock

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #72 on: August 15, 2018, 05:55:18 PM »
Anal sex is like your first car - you dont really want it, but your dad gave it to you anyways.

dickfish

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #73 on: August 15, 2018, 09:13:47 PM »
a lot of people talk about jerking off to the sears catalog but back in my day you had to actually go to sears and jerk off

Joe Pesci

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #74 on: August 16, 2018, 12:01:37 AM »
I'm a fan of jokes with serious punchlines, a lot of them suck but when done right they can be pretty good. I imagine Dwight from The Office saying them

A man walks into a bar.

He is an alcoholic whose drinking problem is destroying his family.


Why was six afraid of seven?

It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.

tura

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #75 on: August 16, 2018, 02:00:41 AM »
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering

Jollyoli

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #76 on: August 16, 2018, 03:09:18 AM »

Why was six afraid of seven?

It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.

Why was eight afraid of seven?

Seven was a registered six offender.
Hey, hey, hey, hey-now. Don't be mean; we don't have to be mean, cuz, remember, no matter where you go, there you are.
Buckaroo Banzai.

ChuckRamone

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #77 on: August 16, 2018, 10:27:28 AM »
Q: ?

A: .

fulltechnicalskizzy

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #78 on: August 16, 2018, 04:34:50 PM »
What's worse than a van full of dead babies?


One of them could've grown up to cure cancer :'(

fulltechnicalskizzy

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #79 on: August 16, 2018, 04:36:39 PM »
Fuckin libs

straight

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #80 on: August 16, 2018, 04:52:34 PM »

Why was six afraid of seven?

It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.

Why was eight afraid of seven?

Seven was a registered six offender.

why was 67 afraid of 68 .. cuz 68 69’d 70

ChuckRamone

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #81 on: August 16, 2018, 07:35:42 PM »
Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Delivery person.

behavioralguide

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #82 on: Today at 05:00:45 AM »
what did the kid with no arms or legs get for christmas?

asthma attack