tldr: girl talk
my girlfriend of 7 years, whose schizophrenia broke out around the middle of our relationship and has since then been spending a few hours a week learning how to socialize at a day hospital next to our place, just admitted to me last week that she had fallen in love with some random dude who's also a patient there. she's been very honest about her feelings and I appreciate that so much from her, because without such communication we could never work something like that out. at first she was blaming it on the meds but I think she's just really starting to blossom as a person and realizing some of her needs for more social experiences. I've been her carer just as much as, if not more than her boyfriend for the past couple of years which had progressively become nearly sexless ; I've turned into nothing but a source of moral support for her, with no benefits. to be honest I had known that for a while already, despite her original denial I could sense it in the air but I thought it might be just a phase. I still felt very comfortable and connected to her the whole time, actually I don't think I had ever felt that good being around her and working toward a common future until she hit me with the news. now the thing is, she can't seem to make up her mind and although she admits she knows her relationship with that other dude is definitely going nowhere, she can't help but feel a connexion and be attracted to him, feeling like she should move out of our apartment now to get her own (which I'd encourage if that was what she really wanted), but she doesn't want to abandon the comfort of our relationship either. I'm trying to be firm telling her the choice is up to her but she has to learn to make one and assume the consequences, but I'm not even sure she's chemically able to do that - technically she's handicapped.
so although I still kind of have hopes, I can't help but simultaneously have doubts so for a week I've been starting to grieve our relationship, without regrets because we've had as many good times as we possibly could have and I feel like I've always given her my all, always being present for her, working my ass off to take her around the world and taking care of her when she needed help the most (and right now I feel like is a peak), and she's always given back whatever ways she knew how. she tried telling her family about what she was going through and even them gave her hell for her feelings and turned their back on her. for now I'm still present and will never blame her for being herself, I've never felt such love and connection with a person, I'm mostly gutted because after so many years with her I was starting to really cling onto the idea of founding a family for good and now everything is back to uncertain.
Topic: Things You Are Not Stoked On (Read 1883681 times)