Author Topic: wiping your butt  (Read 133356 times)

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SodaJerk

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #420 on: December 14, 2016, 09:41:44 AM »
Sometimes almost always... I dont even wash my hands after  :o
Ftfy

stabbedbywiggers

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #421 on: December 14, 2016, 09:47:45 AM »
Sometimes almost always... I dont even wash my hands after  :o
Ftfy
Yeah only if other people are in the bathroom, dont want them to think Im gross or anything.

12321

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #422 on: December 16, 2016, 10:39:17 PM »
Paper - Balled up
Look? - Hell ya

And if I'm at home and the shit was out of control I hop in the shower after wiping, so I feel fresh again.

Topic was funny as hell I laughed hard at some responses.

BURRRPRINT

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #423 on: December 17, 2016, 02:34:55 AM »
I need coffee to have my shits nice, firm and clean. If I skip lunchtime coffee then I can expect fucking wipefest at the evening shitter session.

Kinda contradicting to coffee working as a laxative?

BURRRPRINT

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #424 on: December 23, 2016, 11:35:07 AM »
As the festive meals are coming up I'm really looking forward to experiences with post feasting turds and wiping.

Cuban_Lynx

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #425 on: December 24, 2016, 05:28:30 PM »
I need coffee to have my shits nice, firm and clean. If I skip lunchtime coffee then I can expect fucking wipefest at the evening shitter session.

Kinda contradicting to coffee working as a laxative?
I drink at least a pot a day. I got the meanest, cleanest, feces.

pencil

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #426 on: December 25, 2016, 08:37:25 PM »
this thread literally changed my life.  I would stand and wipe before then when I found this a few years ago I made the switch and my ass is super clean
would you rather read an abudabi post or have a screwdriver shoved up your ass?

Righteous Victim

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #427 on: December 26, 2016, 04:35:26 PM »
does anyone else lay down a little splash guard of TP before siting down? I cant stand the feeling of toilet water splashing up onto my asshole.

always lay a pad of paper on top of the water befor eletting loose... also makes it easier to inspect the damage afterwards
I would but I've been clogging a lot recently and I try to minimize the amount of paper used. I still clog with only 5 squares.

shit_for_brains

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #428 on: December 27, 2016, 05:36:39 AM »
I need coffee to have my shits nice, firm and clean. If I skip lunchtime coffee then I can expect fucking wipefest at the evening shitter session.

Kinda contradicting to coffee working as a laxative?

Isn't it more that coffee warms your pipes and gets things moving? It's a bit fast acting to be a laxative.

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Cuban_Lynx

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #429 on: December 27, 2016, 10:42:30 AM »
I need coffee to have my shits nice, firm and clean. If I skip lunchtime coffee then I can expect fucking wipefest at the evening shitter session.

Kinda contradicting to coffee working as a laxative?

Isn't it more that coffee warms your pipes and gets things moving? It's a bit fast acting to be a laxative.
Not exactly a laxative, I think there is something to the acidity that stimulates the colon.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/speaking-of-science/wp/2015/08/10/why-does-coffee-make-you-poop/?utm_term=.b4d9b51f1847

AitchBeeGayBuh

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #430 on: December 31, 2016, 05:22:15 PM »
As I get older my shit gets weirder n more interesting, the other day I took a shit, barley felt like I farted, got up n was astonished at what I saw. It was a huge shit with a wide circumference an periscoped a good few inches above sea level.

Babe was not impressed...

tobey

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #431 on: December 31, 2016, 05:48:13 PM »
I been getting psych out poops. First poop of the day is always easy and a no wiper. Then a couple of hours later I guess the real poop comes and I spend about just 5 minutes of wiping after

pencil

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #432 on: December 31, 2016, 10:02:42 PM »
I try to hold my poop in until I go to work because the plumbing is really nice there and I take a long time so I get paid like $1.75 to poop
would you rather read an abudabi post or have a screwdriver shoved up your ass?

dirtyweemidden

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #433 on: January 02, 2017, 02:44:26 AM »
I try to hold my poop in until I go to work because the plumbing is really nice there and I take a long time so I get paid like $1.75 to poop

my favourite thing to do at work is figure out how much i got paid to poop

BURRRPRINT

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #434 on: January 02, 2017, 12:49:59 PM »
I been getting psych out poops. First poop of the day is always easy and a no wiper. Then a couple of hours later I guess the real poop comes and I spend about just 5 minutes of wiping after
Try to hold that shit, cook it. Unfortunately I don't have any good tips on how hold it up. Coffee after a meal works for me. Lots of water for sure. Then I get consistent ghost shits, nice and smooth.

Don't have any stories to share over Christmas poops.  :( Standard shitting procedure for me.

pencil

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #435 on: January 07, 2017, 02:52:55 PM »
I went on a few tinder dates this week and I know it sounds shitty or lame but I actually got my sushi paid for 3 different times this week.  On thursday I was staying at this girls house and her cousin and cousins boyfriend were sleeping outside on the couch.  The sushi fucked up my stomach and I definitely was about to fuck up a toilet but there were too many witness.  I have never clinched my b-hole so much as when I thought I might shit her bed that night.  Around 4 am when I was sure everyone was asleep I ran to the bathroom and fucking destroyed that toilet only to find out there was no TP.  I ended up using a wash cloth and threw that shit out the window
would you rather read an abudabi post or have a screwdriver shoved up your ass?

straight

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #436 on: January 07, 2017, 08:21:29 PM »
whenever im mad at my wife, i leave my poop in the toilet with no flush (minimal wipe for better reaction)

shit_for_brains

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #437 on: January 08, 2017, 06:46:26 AM »
whenever im mad at my wife, i leave my poop in the toilet with no flush (minimal wipe for better reaction)

I do that to assert dominance and show her what kind of a man she's dealing with because my dumps are huge, perfect, and frequent.

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #438 on: January 16, 2017, 07:46:44 PM »
I always hated shitting at my inlaws because I thought they were cheap, keeping the 1-ply industry in business by stocking the guest bathroom for years. They're out of town but we came over to do laundry tonight, used their master bathroom and they have luxurious ass Charmin in there. I feel like they hate me now.
« Last Edit: January 17, 2017, 10:16:33 PM by Level 60 Dwarf Paladin »
you never know about pre-cum 

Abyss1

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #439 on: January 19, 2017, 12:38:26 PM »
Started doing the pre-wipe this year 8)

mynameisnotjeff

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #440 on: January 19, 2017, 11:58:42 PM »
I always hated shitting at my inlaws because I thought they were cheap, keeping the 1-ply industry in business by stocking the guest bathroom for years. They're out of town but we came over to do laundry tonight, used their master bathroom and they have luxurious ass Charmin in there. I feel like they hate me now.

Damn haha

This reminded me that I was at this cheap buffet and I had to go make space for 3 more plates and guilt. So I run to the bathroom in a hurry. It was already gross as shit and every time I went there some sus shit tended to happen. So I proceed to take one of the most powerful shits of my life. If anime was real I would've maxed out the super saiyan levels. Everything was cool and I begin to wipe. 2 wipes in and I ran out of toilet paper. So I check if there's more in there and the back up paper roll holder thing was empty. I heard 2 people walk in and out from the smell and i was embarrassed to ask for help, at the time I didn't have a phone so I couldn't call for help. So I resourced to using the toilet seat covers. I folded that shit and it became stupid sharp, I powered though until the job was done. My ass was sore and I tried to power through the pain and walk like nothing happened, which was useless because my parents asked me why i was walking weird. I never went there again and I learned that day to always check for TP before beginning.
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somethingmustbreaknow

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #441 on: January 20, 2017, 03:07:22 AM »
guess i gotta rethink my diet and shit.
since a couple of weeks i keep having
quite messy shits,  they always result
in a massive wipe-fest.  shitting takes
so much more time now and i miss the
satisfaction that you get when having
an upright clean shit. way to start an
awesome& good day in the mornings.
« Last Edit: January 20, 2017, 01:26:41 PM by somethingmustbreaknow »

JB

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #442 on: January 20, 2017, 09:01:20 AM »
guess i gotta rethink my diat and shit. since a couple of weeks i keep having quite messy shits, they always result in a massive wipe-fest. shitting takes so much more time now and i miss the satisfaction that you get when having an upright clean shit. way to start an awesome & good day in the mornings.

just quoting you to fuck with your alignment.

somethingmustbreaknow

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #443 on: January 20, 2017, 01:27:18 PM »
guess i gotta rethink my diet and shit.
since a couple of weeks i keep having
quite messy shits,  they always result
in a massive wipe-fest.  shitting takes
so much more time now and i miss the
satisfaction that you get when having
an upright clean shit. way to start an
awesome& good day in the mornings.
just quoting you to fuck with your alignment.
nooooooo, i put sooo much effort into it  :o

perverted super otaku!

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #444 on: January 20, 2017, 06:29:36 PM »
guess i gotta rethink my diet and shit.
since a couple of weeks i keep having
quite messy shits,  they always result
in a massive wipe-fest.  shitting takes
so much more time now and i miss the
satisfaction that you get when having
an upright clean shit. way to start an
awesome& good day in the mornings.
Well if your diet has not changed, perhaps you are eating while rushed and not chewing as much, thus making your poo particles larger, making the "log" less dense and complete.

Perhaps you are experiencing a change in digestive micro-organisms, apparently fermented(not vinegar) sauerkraut is good for this

doublepeenis

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #445 on: January 24, 2017, 03:19:58 PM »
If you shart, whipe it. I sharted a couple times in bed last night but said fuck it, Im tired. So I wake up and go deuce and alls good unltill I wipe. I guess the shart material was hanging around my ass and caused dirty ass pimple. Now I got 3 big ass pimples around my asshole.

So whipe after you shart, unless you want ebola bumbs on your asshole.

Foray

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #446 on: January 29, 2017, 10:24:26 AM »
sometimes i piss and dont flush and when i come back to it later and look down in the toilet, the bubbles all form together and look like pangea. been thinking about sending a brown asteroid down to kill the bacteria dinosaurs but i am worried about backsplash

Esquivel

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #447 on: January 31, 2017, 05:48:27 AM »
I always hated shitting at my inlaws because I thought they were cheap, keeping the 1-ply industry in business by stocking the guest bathroom for years. They're out of town but we came over to do laundry tonight, used their master bathroom and they have luxurious ass Charmin in there. I feel like they hate me now.

Damn haha

This reminded me that I was at this cheap buffet and I had to go make space for 3 more plates and guilt. So I run to the bathroom in a hurry. It was already gross as shit and every time I went there some sus shit tended to happen. So I proceed to take one of the most powerful shits of my life. If anime was real I would've maxed out the super saiyan levels. Everything was cool and I begin to wipe. 2 wipes in and I ran out of toilet paper. So I check if there's more in there and the back up paper roll holder thing was empty. I heard 2 people walk in and out from the smell and i was embarrassed to ask for help, at the time I didn't have a phone so I couldn't call for help. So I resourced to using the toilet seat covers. I folded that shit and it became stupid sharp, I powered though until the job was done. My ass was sore and I tried to power through the pain and walk like nothing happened, which was useless because my parents asked me why i was walking weird. I never went there again and I learned that day to always check for TP before beginning.

During a similar experience minus the toilet seat covers i really had to improvise. I was lucky that the toilet had a visible flush tank that opened from the top for "maintenance" access.
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Willie

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #448 on: April 05, 2017, 11:33:32 AM »
I had something that wouldn't wipe the other day- turned out to be a chunk of tomato still attached to 3 inches of skin that was still in my butthole.

Dos Mef

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #449 on: April 13, 2017, 03:36:46 AM »
I try to hold my poop in until I go to work because the plumbing is really nice there and I take a long time so I get paid like $1.75 to poop

my favourite thing to do at work is figure out how much i got paid to poop

whoa same I thought I was the only one. Last week I had a feast of Indian food before I went to work. That night alone I made $17 while shitting. Need to start putting my poop earnings into a special account or something, that money is sacred.