Author Topic: wiping your butt  (Read 133639 times)

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BriDen

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #90 on: June 05, 2008, 03:16:38 PM »
every experiment needs an independent variable..

so what do you do when youve got a stiff one and have to shit? would you attempt to bend your member down to piss while you shit?..... thoughts?

sorry sir, this is impossible
Not impossible, just very hard.

BAHAHAHAHAHA!

bbk

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #91 on: June 05, 2008, 03:31:12 PM »
this is so mindblowing, I've never realised there were so many ways to wipe! I've thought like "does everybody wipe like this?" but what the fuck? through the legs? standing up? :o
I lean forward so that my right shoulder area is leaning on my right thigh, then I wipe with my right hand kinda like from behind... I've thought about how stupid it probably looks, but it seems so logical to me....

by the way, I also remove all my clothing except for socks, but sometimes even them. I like having my legs free and I wear pretty big shirts, so it feels better. just when I'm at home though, I wouldn't if I had to go somewhere else.

kilgore.

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #92 on: June 05, 2008, 03:41:20 PM »
being away from your toilet, your shrine, your holy shrink tank is a tough and tricky one my friends. but we must all live by this simple statement: What matters most is how well you walk through the fire. TRUTH. . excitement, embarrassment, guilt, frustration, anger, agony, pain, fear, happiness, and hope are all products of Shitting. But it is how you handle this fire, that defines your personality, your character, your meaning and yourself as a entity. shit will indeed hit the fans, mates. being out of your element never begins positive of course. but i'm going to tell you a story about when i myself, was out of my element and my strict routine and years of practice helped me fight off a sudden negative strike i felt hit my ass. i was on a trip to mississippi, ironically the shit hole of america with my friend and his mother to do some work on a home that had yet to be finished. we get to the house and we begin to do our normal interior decorating work. putting up wall paper, hanging blinds, etc. but suddenly i got an urge to shit. i fled upstairs to a bathroom we had already finished. i sat down and i let it out, it was beautiful, i was naked from belly  button to toe and it was going so well i began to do jumping jacks while shitting. impressive, i know. but then came time for me to wipe. oh no, wipe? kilgore from slap you forgot that this is a new house, and no one lives here yet, so why would there be toilet paper for you to wipe your butt with? i dont know fellas. but one thing that years of concentration and a strict routine on the shitter has helped me with is being able to manifest genius but some times frowned upon ideas while i'm behind closed doors with my shit tank. and here we have it. there was a box, and inside this great box was bubble wrap. BINGO. bubble wrap was the answer. i took this bubble wrap to my ass like robert downey jr takes to kicking ass and pounding vegan pussy. it was amazing POP POP POP went the bubble wrap every time i cleaned the doo off of my anus. i was laughing out loud but inside i was proud of my past practices, proud to be a leading force in exposing the true beauty and intellectual prizes having a strict and relaxed and enjoyable shit exercising brings you. now men, go to your toilets tonight, thinking of me. think of the ways and practices i promote and the beauty and intellectual properties of shitting actually brings you. you'll all be better men, i promise. i know this entrapment we call earth is an ugly place, and we're only here to fart around, don't let anyone tell you different but certain things, like shitting, can help you grow and prosper. i salute you all and this is kilgore on behalf of your toilet, your bathroom, and your anus. goodbye and good luck.
« Last Edit: June 05, 2008, 03:42:55 PM by kilgore. »

wake and bacon

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #93 on: June 05, 2008, 03:46:32 PM »
i've bent my member down, but only with a chub chub. never rock hard. that's just too risky. pissing with a boner is an interesting situation, i can't say i like it, i can't say i don't.
:) I must have been tripping last night

bill hates

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #94 on: June 05, 2008, 03:53:54 PM »
i used to wake up with a stiffy in the morning
you either stand up and lean over the toilet or sit down and lean forward, to where your nipples are in the same area as your knees
the more you piss, the more your weiner settles down, til you can finally sit up again

on this note. how did everybody hide their chubs in middle school PE shorts? i remember some chick did a cartwheel and her tits came out. it was the first time i saw real tits and i had no other choice but to sit indian style the rest of the period.
i also used to sag my shorts over my weiner and tie em up real tight to try and tame it. this strategy closely related to the ever popular "belt maneuver"

poocrusher

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #95 on: June 05, 2008, 03:57:25 PM »
There is this movie I've seen called Monsturd.  Its about an ex-con who gets his killer mentality transferred into a waste treatment plant and starts killing people out of their toilet.  He ends up being killed eaten and killed by a large swarm of flies.  Please by no means should anybody watch this sober.  You must be truly hammered to get past the shitty acting and horrible if not entertaining poo effects.



http://www.4321films.com/monsturd/index.html




bill hates

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #96 on: June 05, 2008, 04:12:22 PM »
how do you explain to your parents that you made a movie about monster poop killing people? that thing looked like a monster from mighty morphin power rangers, you know the ones that talked alot of shit without their mouths moving. example:
eye guy (who kicked fucking ass)

mighty minotaur (semi- ass- kicker)

mutitus (i swear this dude coulda kicked even ivan ooze's ass)


anyways. i saw your shit, mike fork, and would like to let you know its on.
i am formally calling your flaky poop rookie shit. (though i still love you) id like to show you the art of the log.
anybody else who wants in. lets go.

daddy

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #97 on: June 05, 2008, 04:16:29 PM »
I always just wipe til theres blood
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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #98 on: June 05, 2008, 04:29:08 PM »
Awkward. Just got caught with my computer screen still on slap by  a student today. Even more awkward, this was the thread that was opened.
"What the hell you do on this computer all day Mr. F?"
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longballlarry

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #99 on: June 05, 2008, 07:34:09 PM »
so i just took a shit.

i was completely naked, and it was pretty awesome i must say. when i was done i stood up to wipe, but not completely, like halfway between bent over and straight so that my but cheeks would stay separated from one another. and i gotta tell you guys there was much more access. i mean you could really get  up in there. but it felt kind of weird. it was a weird situation to be in. like if i walked in on myself in this position it would be very awkward.
however much to my surprise, there was a lot less shit on the paper than i was expecting, i thought the whole paper would be covered in shit, but that wasn't the case at all. i still don't know if it's really necessary though. i mean i wiped in exactly the same manner as i always did except i just looked at the paper this time. i feel like i don't need to do this. i think i am so experienced that i just know when i'm done wiping and don't really need to look at the paper anymore.
however i have a question. do you guys sit back down after each wipe to roll the tp again or do you keep standing in the ski man position? my legs started to hurt as i was standing there bent over the toilet bowl like an idiot.
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dtrigiani

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #100 on: June 05, 2008, 07:47:10 PM »
I used to do it hunched over because I was scared of dipping my hand in the water, but I've learned to do it sitting now. I fold two or three sheets up, because, by design, they do the same amount of cleaning as a big wad.

I'm really anal about keeping my asshole clean, so the folding method reduces the chances of clogging. Big wads + my enormous turds = no flushee

Having a boner and feeling the need to shit really bad is awful. I try to do things to get rid of my boner, but they rarely work. I have to squeeze it for it to just fit in the toilet bowl, and even then, it's mere millimetres from the toilet bowl/ water - well, from what I can tell. It's really dark down there. Touching the toilet bowl with my dick would mean instant death.

frisco

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #101 on: June 05, 2008, 07:51:40 PM »
i used to wake up with a stiffy in the morning
you either stand up and lean over the toilet or sit down and lean forward, to where your nipples are in the same area as your knees
the more you piss, the more your weiner settles down, til you can finally sit up again

on this note. how did everybody hide their chubs in middle school PE shorts? i remember some chick did a cartwheel and her tits came out. it was the first time i saw real tits and i had no other choice but to sit indian style the rest of the period.
i also used to sag my shorts over my weiner and tie em up real tight to try and tame it. this strategy closely related to the ever popular "belt maneuver"

I belive thats called the belt tuck, my friend in high school made a custom shirt that said "what do you know about the belt tuck?" which was god damn hilarious, i used to get it in class real bad cause i would always try and get some nice clevage looks, even my girlfriend of 2 years i didnt know in my class but i used to peeps her when she streched and she would arch her back similar to how i hit her doggystyle now, wow that was hard, especially in class, i would incorporate the belt tuck frequently

longballlarry

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #102 on: June 05, 2008, 07:57:32 PM »
is this where you stick your boner vertically underneath the waist of your pants so that it is sticking out of your pants but still under your shirt? or am i talking about something else? what's that called? that saved me many a humiliating moment in high school.
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frisco

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #103 on: June 05, 2008, 08:00:30 PM »
is this where you stick your boner vertically underneath the waist of your pants so that it is sticking out of your pants but still under your shirt? or am i talking about something else? what's that called? that saved me many a humiliating moment in high school.

that is exactly what i was describing

longballlarry

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #104 on: June 05, 2008, 08:01:02 PM »
yeah that shit is dope.
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barr

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #105 on: June 05, 2008, 09:16:06 PM »
i just wipe till nothing is there
at my friends house they use baby wipes which makes a lot of sense

CigaretteBeer

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #106 on: June 05, 2008, 09:53:41 PM »
I don't feel like reading through this whole thread but don't you have to look to know you've wiped all the shit off?
"You were such a shitty parent that your kid couldn't even make it to term A guy who killed his child before it could be born because he was so shitty didn't do anything wrong.You know how the rest of us became positive members of society BY NOT BEING PIECES OF SHIT IN THE FIRST PLACE"-Ronald Reagon

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #107 on: June 05, 2008, 11:06:54 PM »
I wipe till there is blood.

baxty

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #108 on: June 06, 2008, 12:10:35 AM »
yesterday I was discussing how to get your boner to leave

Politics no, grandparents no, cold water where am i gunna get that shit at, the pledge of aligence


Said that shit so much to day, it works, i also and a pretty skilled tucker. I get scared though because I always stretch and arch my back so i think my dick head will make an appearence in class.

GhostBusters

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #109 on: June 06, 2008, 12:26:46 AM »
every experiment needs an independent variable..

so what do you do when youve got a stiff one and have to shit? would you attempt to bend your member down to piss while you shit?..... thoughts?
Lean forwards and get the stream in the toilet. No matter how you are leaning if your ass is above the toilet gravity will put your shit in the hole.

Mooley

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #110 on: June 06, 2008, 01:30:42 AM »
I don't feel like reading through this whole thread but don't you have to look to know you've wiped all the shit off?

You're doing yourself a disservice.

One trick a friend taught me that I had never thought of before was putting a couple squares of TP in the toilet water before you shit. No more splashbacks, ever.

Sleazy

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #111 on: June 06, 2008, 08:33:07 AM »


you guys ever try this stuff? it's amazing. but it throw off your non-aloe paper wipping when you shit away from home because you get so used to the smooth wipes.

Ronald Wilson Reagan

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #112 on: June 06, 2008, 08:37:56 AM »
What about wet wipes? They work pretty well, but I always need one dry wipe at the end or I get itchy.
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loophole

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #113 on: June 06, 2008, 09:58:50 AM »
bidet.

bill hates

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #114 on: June 06, 2008, 10:57:18 AM »
One trick a friend taught me that I had never thought of before was putting a couple squares of TP in the toilet water before you shit. No more splashbacks, ever.
holy shit thats brilliant.

have you ever gotten those hot runny shits? the one that make your anus contract long after you took your shit because it burns so fucking bad?
i throw a little water on the tp before wiping if it gets brutal like that. its the only way.

CigaretteBeer

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #115 on: June 06, 2008, 11:55:09 AM »
I don't feel like reading through this whole thread but don't you have to look to know you've wiped all the shit off?

You're doing yourself a disservice.

One trick a friend taught me that I had never thought of before was putting a couple squares of TP in the toilet water before you shit. No more splashbacks, ever.

Hahahaha I actually do that everytime I shit. When I have to use a public restroom I put a ton of toilet paper in just to be sure.
"You were such a shitty parent that your kid couldn't even make it to term A guy who killed his child before it could be born because he was so shitty didn't do anything wrong.You know how the rest of us became positive members of society BY NOT BEING PIECES OF SHIT IN THE FIRST PLACE"-Ronald Reagon

beeda weeda

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #116 on: June 06, 2008, 12:21:30 PM »
a long time ago I was shitting in a public bathroom, and realized there was no toilet paper, so I improvided with my sock, but it was a messy shit, and one sock wasn't good enough, so i lost both of my socks that day
anybody ever had this happen to them>?

CigaretteBeer

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #117 on: June 06, 2008, 12:49:31 PM »
"Nothing is worse than to finish a good shit, then reach over and find the toilet paper container empty. Even the most horrible human being on earth deserves to wipe his ass"- Charles Bukowski
"You were such a shitty parent that your kid couldn't even make it to term A guy who killed his child before it could be born because he was so shitty didn't do anything wrong.You know how the rest of us became positive members of society BY NOT BEING PIECES OF SHIT IN THE FIRST PLACE"-Ronald Reagon

longballlarry

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #118 on: June 06, 2008, 01:04:55 PM »
a long time ago I was shitting in a public bathroom, and realized there was no toilet paper, so I improvided with my sock, but it was a messy shit, and one sock wasn't good enough, so i lost both of my socks that day
anybody ever had this happen to them>?

what did you do with the socks afterwards? did you flush them?
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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #119 on: June 06, 2008, 01:11:08 PM »
I have a sister, and one day I go into the bathroom and find an entire roll of perfectly good toilet paper in the fucking sink, SOAKED and RUINED!

I get pissed but did not bring it to her attention. She did it with another roll.

I put them both on her pillow.

And has anyone ever successfully pissed with a boner? I have yet to do that. even if i have a half boner my piss will start shooting every which way in different streams, on the floor, the rim of the toilet, my pants, fuck.