Author Topic: wiping your butt  (Read 204730 times)

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finknoos

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #240 on: April 24, 2012, 04:23:49 AM »
Okay im a stander and imma set this straight for you guys.

When im done i lean forward like im bowing before the queen, making sure to keep my cheeks seperated. Then i reach arround the back of myself (not through the legs) and wipe from behind. Ive always done it this way, only found out last year that there are other methods.

And as far as small cubicles, i actually prefer them as i wipe with my right hand and put my left hand on the wall/door for added balance.


shouldn't

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #241 on: May 24, 2012, 06:46:02 PM »
so what if in the midst of you bending over backwards for a toilet, you leak out some mudd-butt onto your nice jeans? how would that affect your day? you would have to find a whole new dump style my friend.

imagine fucking the dog shit outta chris roberts

Russel Crowe

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #242 on: May 29, 2012, 11:33:13 PM »
some dudes wipe sitting down. I couldn't believe it

Dontfearthereefer

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #243 on: May 30, 2012, 08:11:21 AM »
Okay im a stander and imma set this straight for you guys.

When im done i lean forward like im bowing before the queen, making sure to keep my cheeks seperated. Then i reach arround the back of myself (not through the legs) and wipe from behind. Ive always done it this way, only found out last year that there are other methods.

And as far as small cubicles, i actually prefer them as i wipe with my right hand and put my left hand on the wall/door for added balance.


 

This has been my wiping method since my mom stopped doing it for me

finknoos

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #244 on: May 30, 2012, 08:20:00 AM »
so what if in the midst of you bending over backwards for a toilet, you leak out some mudd-butt onto your nice jeans? how would that affect your day? you would have to find a whole new dump style my friend.

firstly i have superb control over my sphincter, and when i wipe im still standing over the bowl so if that scenario were to present itself, the excess feces would fall straight into the loo

Dontfearthereefer

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #245 on: May 30, 2012, 10:23:54 AM »
so what if in the midst of you bending over backwards for a toilet, you leak out some mudd-butt onto your nice jeans? how would that affect your day? you would have to find a whole new dump style my friend.

this isnt really feaslable, unless you got some serious uncontrollable old yeller fuckin mount st helens guiser liquid squirtle shits or something

ice nine

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #246 on: June 11, 2012, 03:15:28 PM »
Day 2 of the strangest hangover I've had. Took a painful shit this morning at work, had to wipe at least 10-15 times. Four seperate times I got shit on my hand.what the fuck? It was like I poo'd out the side of my ass. The middle of the paper was clean and the right side runneth over with messy shit. why
I;m sure i;m not the only dc/monster/subaru type guy here

smellyfart

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #247 on: July 25, 2012, 09:53:01 PM »
im about to take a shit. going to see what this whole "wiping while sitting down" thing is about. to me, it just seems wierd.

Dontfearthereefer

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #248 on: July 26, 2012, 04:53:57 PM »
my work has some seriously shitty toilet paper, pun intended. on the real though its like orphanage grade recycled readers digests made into some sandpaper/cheesegrater paper and my asshole is super chapped, hurts to walk anywhere

via

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #249 on: July 26, 2012, 05:21:48 PM »
People stand up to wipe?? ? ?? ??

« Last Edit: July 26, 2012, 05:23:28 PM by via »

Mole

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #250 on: July 28, 2012, 02:11:31 AM »
People stand up to wipe?? ? ?? ??



Dontfearthereefer

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #251 on: July 28, 2012, 05:05:13 AM »
today i took a poop in the shape of a smiley face

TonyBologna

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #252 on: July 28, 2012, 06:04:26 AM »
Expand Quote
Went on a hike yesterday. As soon as I started I felt a little rumble in my stomach, didn't think anything of it, and figured it'd just go away. I was wrong. The rumble, and subsequent turtle headding only got worse. At about mile 4 on my hike it was game time. I was either going to shit my pants or shit in the woods. Now this hike had a lot of switchbacks, and not a whole lot of areas for a nice secluded dump. Luckily for me, off the end of one of the switch backs was an old landslide/boulder field. So I cut through the bushes off the end of the trail, across the rocks until I got down to a few big boulders I could duck behind. And just in time too. As soon as I got my shorts down, I splattered what was left of the prior night's tater tots all over the rocks below me. It smelled something awful. Now normally in this situation, you could just sacrifice a sock, but since I had quite a walk ahead of me still, that wasn't an option. So standing there with my shorts still down around my knees, dick swingin in the breeze, I grab my pocket knife, pull my shirt off, and cut the sleeves off. Those sleeves really saved my ass. I cleaned myself up, scurried back across the rock field to the trail, and immediately bumped into a couple I had seen about an hour earlier. I wonder if they wondered where my sleeves went?
[close]
...damn. Respect.
For real. Your ingenuity inspires me.
Skateboarding is easy, I've played Skate 3 dude!

TonyBologna

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #253 on: July 28, 2012, 06:08:53 AM »
I gasped, and in the heat of the moment I picked up the turd bare handed and threw it in the trashcan.

You bare handed a brown trout?!? Hell dude, you are a champion.
Skateboarding is easy, I've played Skate 3 dude!

dirtyweemidden

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #254 on: August 17, 2012, 07:22:36 AM »
standing up to wipe? that's fucked! I sit down and lean forward


You gotta be sittin down to wipe dudes, 3 squares of bog roll folded over twice as to not risk the poopy fingernail factor if the clart on yer arse is more water based than expected.

You take your neat little rectangle of and wipe front to back.. balls to crack if you will...

first sheet is garunteed to be covered in shit, but feel free to have a glance as we all like to know what color last nights meal comes out like.

reapeat this process 2 or 3 times if your third glance is still an eyefull of brown you gots to lay of the bran muffins son!


dont even think about messing with wet wipes to clean your back passage that shit is fucked! its such a horrid sensation knowing you are turd smear free and still feeling clammy/wet between the cheeks is a total headfuck!

David

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #255 on: August 18, 2012, 12:28:26 PM »
Ehgh, I dunno about you kids but for me it's a disaster every time. I'm talking about easily over 7 wipes every outing. When that's over it's wet wipes, and yes the sensation is gross, but it's mandatory. Then some more dry-leaf to finish off. When there arent any WetOnes, then it's straight to the shower, no messing around. I'm still braving up to the whole bidet thing, not quite sure how that should work. Still figuring it out.

And OF COURSE you wipe sitting down...you maniacs.

Spike Hawke

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #256 on: August 20, 2012, 03:47:34 PM »
Personally after I've dropped one off, I switch stance that seat up. Face the cistern, hang my butt over the outside edge of the seat and holla one of my bitches to get the job done.

Anyway, you gotta do the wiping sitting down, although I do have a buddy who tells me all anout her poop steeze and she swears by standing up, "gets more leverage", apparently. But she has had a issue with flecks on the floor.

smellyfart

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #257 on: August 27, 2012, 11:28:20 AM »
not only has slap changed my views on many aspects of skateboarding, but it has also changed my views on wiping my butt. i have conformed to a sit down wiper now. why stand when you can sit?

Seamus_McShamebag

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #258 on: August 27, 2012, 07:43:25 PM »
This is more of a "in case of emergency break glass" kind of thing but I figured I would share in the event that it helps anyone.  If you have a real fucking mess to take care of, the shower is your best option.  I call it the American Bidet.  It's all about efficiency, just train yourself to shit before your shower then you can double down on the hygiene by warming up with some paper and then scrubbing down in the shower.  On to the emergency scenario..

So I travel every now and again for work and in this case I was in Las Vegas for a tradeshow.  It had been a typical week of early morning skate sessions, random restaurant/catering food and the occasional beer or three.  So it's toward the end of the week and I am feeling fine but apparently Cthulu was just waiting in the darkness.  So I head out for dinner and decide to call it an early night since I had a bunch of stuff to do the next day.  I am heading back to the hotel with a group of people from work and it's early, even by non-Vegas standards.  So we walk in the hotel and are walking through the casino and are getting close to the bar and elevators.  I felt fine and felt a little air biscuit stewing and decided to let it creep out while we are walking so as to harmlessly crop dust all the old timers dying in front of the slot machines.  Not in the cards.  This was the sneakiest ninja motherfucker shart I have ever had in my life.  I went from absolutely zero gastrointestinal distress to completely shitting my pants in an instant.  Timing was perfect though as we had just hit the bar/elevator cross road.  The question was raised, "Anybody want to grab a beer?" and I ducked out with a quick "I'm good, catch ya'll tomorrow" and rush towards an open elevator like the only reason I was rushing was because the door was about to close.  I  breathe a sigh of relief as I watch the doors close and nobody else had hopped in.  They would have been in for a treat.

I got to my room stripped down and realized that this was a wrong that 2-ply wasn't going to right. After a quick shower I  was faced with the reality of the shitty underwear staring back at me from the bathroom floor.  I sure as hell wasn't going to let those things marinate in my room, windows don't open, so I ran out and dumped them in the nearest trash can which happened to be in front of the elevators.  The beauty was that everyone on my floor got to end their night walking off the elevator into a cloud of my shit stink and the same deal for the morning crowd. 

I couldn't look at the trash can without laughing my ass off and took the picture below for posterity.  Shine on you crazy sphincter... 


Long story short, there is something to be said for showers being right next to toilets.

BRIX SKWIKZ

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #259 on: September 25, 2012, 07:05:43 PM »
People stand up to wipe?? ? ?? ??



HILARIOUS  ;D
« Last Edit: September 25, 2012, 07:07:30 PM by BRIX SKWIKZ »

Omamori

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #260 on: September 30, 2012, 08:12:39 PM »
What toilet paper do you guys use?  After testing many brand, Charmin reigns supreme. Its the perfect balance of everything.

Also I'm gonna start using a two step ladder as a stool to squat while I shit. I saw some video on reddit about this. I guess its the natural way for us to shit and I guess I would wipe less too.

smellyfart

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #261 on: October 05, 2012, 10:36:22 AM »
What toilet paper do you guys use??  After testing many brand, Charmin reigns supreme. Its the perfect balance of everything.

Also I'm gonna start using a two step ladder as a stool to squat while I shit. I saw some video on reddit about this. I guess its the natural way for us to shit and I guess I would wipe less too.
pics or gtfo.
but seriously. thats funny shit.

cletus the slack jawed yokel

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #262 on: October 05, 2012, 10:57:04 AM »
if i don't have a weasel next to me i wipe my ass with my hand is that bad?

pica

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #263 on: October 08, 2012, 06:12:16 AM »
i stand up as well. had a conversation with my brother about this, he's a sitter. i expected familial clustering.

alka-seltzer

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #264 on: July 14, 2013, 06:44:14 PM »
Dill discovered the fountain of puberty.

Merked

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #265 on: July 15, 2013, 09:51:22 AM »
Squatty Potty informational video shorter version

^^ I have seen this before. 

Someone grab one and give it a test run.  Post findings.

Also, I don't know how the fuck you guys wipe while seated.  I need to stand and get my ass spread eagle to get all that shit out.  Get better leverage standing too.
I suck at SLAP.

SodaJerk

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #266 on: July 20, 2013, 09:10:31 AM »
i stand up as well. had a conversation with my brother about this, he's a sitter. i expected familial clustering.
I would have assumed some sort of hereditary wiping traits to be the norm too. I'm going to have to check with my brother on this. I'm a stander and am amazed at the amount of sitters here. I'm positively bamboozled by the mere mention of scrunching over folding too, I knew it existed but thought it was more for the fairer sex with there relatively hairless toilet holes and lack of hanging junk in the way. Here's my take, standing, slight lean forward with a quarter twist, reach around the body, 3 to 4 sheets folded, wipe, fold repeat and keep repeating until there is no trace left or the paper is to small to fold again. If you need more paper better to use it than leave skid marks on your smalls. Problem turds may take a little more wrangling involving wet wipes, a shower or if no shower is present a vigorous basin wash hand towels be damned. No paper means sacrificing at least one sock. I'm super regular and like to back one out at least at the ratio of one to one per meal. The only thing that has ever broken this has been heavy opiate based pain medication.

L33Tg33k

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #267 on: July 25, 2013, 06:56:34 PM »
I wipe with damp tp and then pretty much just wash my ass with soap and rag after every shit. It's never clean enough.
Before you say the music sucked, have you considered shutting the fuck up?

pinche gringo

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #268 on: July 25, 2013, 07:47:37 PM »
Sitter. I use wet wipes if possible, otherwise I'll run the damp tp/papertowel.

brownjenkin

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #269 on: July 25, 2013, 11:45:06 PM »
If you're running wet wipes as part of your wiping routine, I hope you're following it up with some dry wiping of some sort. There's no way I'm pulling up my pants with slippery cheeks.