Author Topic: wiping your butt  (Read 204689 times)

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skate_spbr

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #330 on: June 28, 2016, 07:16:20 AM »
I'm taking a shit right now. I'm going to go straight into the shower so I don't have to use toilet paper.
reminded me of how much I fucking hate when I have to take a shit after I just took a shower

perverted super otaku!

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #331 on: June 28, 2016, 08:40:25 AM »
moisture is key at some point, all dry wipes practices just aint cutting it

swag nollies

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #332 on: June 28, 2016, 10:04:56 PM »
What can I add to my diet to get the shit to just slide out? Im usuallly stuck with a little piece hanging and gotta try and finesse that shit without smushing it. Its annoying as fuck.

Silky Johnson

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #333 on: June 28, 2016, 10:18:08 PM »
What can I add to my diet to get the shit to just slide out? Im usuallly stuck with a little piece hanging and gotta try and finesse that shit without smushing it. Its annoying as fuck.
Broccoli
Beans
Whole wheat bread
Those fiber candy bars
Cup of coffee

Gray Imp Sausage Metal

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #334 on: June 28, 2016, 10:25:00 PM »
Expand Quote
What can I add to my diet to get the shit to just slide out? Im usuallly stuck with a little piece hanging and gotta try and finesse that shit without smushing it. Its annoying as fuck.
[close]
Broccoli
Beans
Whole wheat bread
Those fiber candy bars
Cup of coffee

lots of fruit too

Impish sausage is definitely gonna blow up as a euphemism this year

Andrefosho

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #335 on: June 29, 2016, 06:06:08 AM »
Just came here to say this is my favorite topic.

Once I had a messy turd in airport, and I had to open the water reservoir to wet the paper and clean up the mess before running to my flight.

Righteous Victim

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #336 on: June 29, 2016, 09:24:25 AM »
3 quick shit stories (not about wiping):

When I was 11 my friend and I shit in the forest behind my house. I was finishing up and my friend burst out laughing for some reason. He said my dog was eating his shit. We went back in my house and my dog threw up my friend's shit and my mom made my brother clean it up.

Around the same time my cousin, my brother and I were walking around the forest my cousin lived in and we found a bucket. Of course I shit in it, and we put it in a little stream and let the current carry it off. We chased after it, saved it by putting a big stick under the handle and fishing it out, and put it back in and kept doing this for who knows how long.

And one time I ate about 12 vanilla puddings and had a totally vanilla shit.

shit_for_brains

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #337 on: July 07, 2016, 02:37:54 PM »
I eat healthy and take magnesium and my turds look like cartoon turds. They're perfectly shaped and colored. I should get one bronzed.

Just came here to say this is my favorite topic.

Once I had a messy turd in airport, and I had to open the water reservoir to wet the paper and clean up the mess before running to my flight.


To clean it off of yourself? Where did it go and how did it get there? I've had violent diarrhea before but not to where it ends up back on me.

I got busted taking a shit in my neighbor's back yard when I was like 8 or 9. It was this elderly couple who had this huge overgrown yard, and there was a plastic lawn chair back there that had the seat broken at some point and there was a hole in it. I felt that it was similar enough to a toilet and at that point I had never shit outside before and was curious, so I went for it. Mr. Henning was really, really mad but I finished. He dragged me back to my house to tell my parents and my dad thought it was amazing and hilarious.

Abyss1

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #338 on: July 07, 2016, 02:45:40 PM »
Got wet wipes today, fucking game changer

careful ...I hear they get easily clogged in the waste pipe drain
http://www.care2.com/greenliving/11-things-you-should-never-flush-down-the-toilet.html
« Last Edit: July 07, 2016, 02:47:24 PM by Abyss1 »

swag nollies

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #339 on: July 07, 2016, 02:50:24 PM »
I used to live in my crx, so one morning I woke up and immediatly had to shit, this was the most uncrontralable feeling Ive ever had, prolly from all the mcdonalds I was eating. I only had enough time to swing the door open and pull my shorts down. Steaming hot brownie batter everywhere, and it wont stop. Theres people driving by as I shit outta my car into the parking lot, atleast 5 cars drove by and saw me. So I take my socks and wipe and gtfoutta there and hit up mcdonalds to wipe the rest. Welcome to my life.

Righteous Victim

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #340 on: July 07, 2016, 02:52:19 PM »
Expand Quote
Got wet wipes today, fucking game changer
[close]

careful ...I hear they get easily clogged in the waste pipe drain
http://www.care2.com/greenliving/11-things-you-should-never-flush-down-the-toilet.html
I remember on Stern they were talking about some guy whose toilet was fucked so he had a 'hamper' where you had to put your shitty paper.

Abyss1

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #341 on: July 07, 2016, 03:04:45 PM »
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
Got wet wipes today, fucking game changer
[close]

careful ...I hear they get easily clogged in the waste pipe drain
http://www.care2.com/greenliving/11-things-you-should-never-flush-down-the-toilet.html
[close]
I remember on Stern they were talking about some guy whose toilet was fucked so he had a 'hamper' where you had to put your shitty paper.

Joe Rogan and Kevin Smith talked about it on his podcast

go to 24:00 timestamp

SodaJerk

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #342 on: July 08, 2016, 03:58:46 AM »
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
Got wet wipes today, fucking game changer
[close]

careful ...I hear they get easily clogged in the waste pipe drain
http://www.care2.com/greenliving/11-things-you-should-never-flush-down-the-toilet.html
[close]
I remember on Stern they were talking about some guy whose toilet was fucked so he had a 'hamper' where you had to put your shitty paper.
This is common in a lot of countries.

Andrefosho

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #343 on: July 08, 2016, 11:56:32 AM »
I eat healthy and take magnesium and my turds look like cartoon turds. They're perfectly shaped and colored. I should get one bronzed.

Expand Quote
Just came here to say this is my favorite topic.

Once I had a messy turd in airport, and I had to open the water reservoir to wet the paper and clean up the mess before running to my flight.

[close]

To clean it off of yourself? Where did it go and how did it get there? I've had violent diarrhea before but not to where it ends up back on me.

I got busted taking a shit in my neighbor's back yard when I was like 8 or 9. It was this elderly couple who had this huge overgrown yard, and there was a plastic lawn chair back there that had the seat broken at some point and there was a hole in it. I felt that it was similar enough to a toilet and at that point I had never shit outside before and was curious, so I went for it. Mr. Henning was really, really mad but I finished. He dragged me back to my house to tell my parents and my dad thought it was amazing and hilarious.

My butt is hairy, so after a flaccid turd, the shit is everywhere, so only option is wet washing.

Main

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #344 on: July 08, 2016, 01:26:29 PM »
I've been having excellent shits for many years now. Usually 3-4 times a day so I'm regular. I'm addicted to this stuff called "Kefir" which is like a cousin of yogurt. I eat it with greek yogurt, fruit, and granola every day. I also drink Kombucha frequently so my diet consists of a good source of fermented and probiotic rich foods. I also only drink water whenever I'm thirsty, no soda, beer rarely. I still eat plenty of meat and cheese but it all just solidifies into perfect smooth turds since I balance it out with other healthy stuff. My only problem is my hairy asshole that requires some extra tp usage.

Coastal Fever

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #345 on: July 08, 2016, 02:13:32 PM »
Have we discussed whether it's better to have the toilet paper hanging over or under?  Because the answer is clearly over, and I've changed it to that way in other people's houses like an asshole.  No pun intended.

Abyss1

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #346 on: July 08, 2016, 02:30:48 PM »
Have we discussed whether it's better to have the toilet paper hanging over or under?  Because the answer is clearly over, and I've changed it to that way in other people's houses like an asshole.  No pun intended.
Over = Standard for me


Coastal Fever

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #347 on: July 08, 2016, 04:23:19 PM »
Knew it.  Fuck Ann Landers.

Adam Carolla

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #348 on: July 08, 2016, 04:51:27 PM »
why the fuck would u go under its srsly fukin stupid and for retards

glutton.

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #349 on: July 11, 2016, 10:28:52 AM »
^
My roommate would always put toilet paper on like that, and use way too much toilet paper, despite the fact that I always buy Charmin Ultra. I go through a roll every two to three weeks. It would make it through three or four days whenever he was around...probably wrapped his hand in a toilet paper glove every time.

Coastal Fever

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #350 on: July 13, 2016, 06:04:20 AM »
While I would prefer my current situation to the impending unemployment I'm soon facing.. My boss at the moment operates out of his back yard, and won't let employees in his house.  Therefore, if I want to take a leak or a dump, I have to clock out for 15mins (no paid breaks here) and go up the street to the nearest coffee shop.

There's an old saying.. "Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that's why I shit on company time".  I'm really looking forward to that being a reality for me again.

SodaJerk

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #351 on: July 14, 2016, 12:28:12 AM »
While I would prefer my current situation to the impending unemployment I'm soon facing.. My boss at the moment operates out of his back yard, and won't let employees in his house.  Therefore, if I want to take a leak or a dump, I have to clock out for 15mins (no paid breaks here) and go up the street to the nearest coffee shop.

There's an old saying.. "Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that's why I shit on company time".  I'm really looking forward to that being a reality for me again.
Is it not illegal for him not to provide bathroom facilities?

Coastal Fever

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #352 on: July 14, 2016, 04:41:08 AM »
He's not even taking deductions off my checks or giving me paystubs, or any paid breaks.  I think his scheme is he's hiring me as a self-employed sub-contractor or something, so technically I'm not his employee and he doesn't have to do shit for me.

shit_for_brains

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #353 on: July 14, 2016, 04:50:52 AM »
Depending on what state you're in, if you're 1099 your options are probably to either continue doing what you're doing or to go fuck yourself. Most states don't offer a whole lot of protection if you're 1099.

AitchBeeGayBuh

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #354 on: August 03, 2016, 03:38:44 PM »
Some years ago my buddies and I were discussing how hard it was to wipe when one of my friends blurted out, "I like to spit in the toilet paper, then wipe, that way it's like a wet wipe n u can flush it too."

Time passed and we were havin a party when that dude was using the bathroom for a while. I had this loud ass girlfriend at the time who yelled some shit then thought it would be a good idea to bust open the door and take a picture of his reaction.

The sight of a mid-twenties man spittin into a wad of toilet paper to wipe his bootyhole still makes me chuckle after some time now...

Abyss1

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #355 on: August 03, 2016, 04:44:23 PM »
While I would prefer my current situation to the impending unemployment I'm soon facing.. My boss at the moment operates out of his back yard, and won't let employees in his house.  Therefore, if I want to take a leak or a dump, I have to clock out for 15mins (no paid breaks here) and go up the street to the nearest coffee shop.

There's an old saying.. "Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that's why I shit on company time".  I'm really looking forward to that being a reality for me again.

I hate taking shit breaks at work...i can never get it all out and have to keep going back.  Thats why i like shitting at home so I can sit and chill for however long needed to get it all out. 

shit_for_brains

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #356 on: August 03, 2016, 04:56:45 PM »
I sit and chill and take as long as I need at work. That's the best part of the whole thing.

swag nollies

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #357 on: August 03, 2016, 05:23:31 PM »
At my old job I would ask to use the bathroom and just leave, go to mcdonalds, smerk a joint, ciggarete, then a couple hours later I would take a shit again foreal. They wont say anything if its under 20 minutes, above that they might ask questions though.

dirtyweemidden

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #358 on: September 27, 2016, 09:15:15 AM »
I sit and chill and take as long as I need at work. That's the best part of the whole thing.

for reals! theres no greater joy than taking a stupidly long time to poo at work

Abyss1

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #359 on: September 27, 2016, 09:44:11 AM »
I sit and chill and take as long as I need at work. That's the best part of the whole thing.

I can too, I just don't like shitting in public stalls, i get claustrophobic, my old office had really hard toilet paper too, luckily my new job has soft Tp  :P