Author Topic: wiping your butt  (Read 133336 times)

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dudebro

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #60 on: June 05, 2008, 12:44:10 PM »
no, not shit IN the shower, but realize you have to shit while showering, so you get out and sit on the toilet. i couldn't shit in the shower, but i pee in it pretty much every time. i know a few guys who take their shirts off while showering because they feel like they'll get the "stink" on their shirt.
one-upping is rad.  so is beaming.  both so unquestionably identify the kooks...saves a lot of wasted time/small talk.  you instantly know who to avoid.

nocomply

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #61 on: June 05, 2008, 12:46:56 PM »
I've discussed my techniques here before so I pose a question instead:
Do you sit down wipers go between the legs as if you had a vagina instead of a cock and balls or do you go around the backside?

Through the legs. Pull your junk upwards towards your belly button with your left hand. Wipe with the right. duh...

longballlarry

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #62 on: June 05, 2008, 12:47:22 PM »
no, not shit IN the shower, but realize you have to shit while showering, so you get out and sit on the toilet. i couldn't shit in the shower, but i pee in it pretty much every time. i know a few guys who take their shirts off while showering because they feel like they'll get the "stink" on their shirt.

yeah pretty much everyone i know takes their shirs off while showering too. it's so much easier that way.
I used to post

eat.shit

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #63 on: June 05, 2008, 12:48:09 PM »
Kilgore, You're absolutely killing me. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time.

And I'm a naked pooper. I crumple as opposed to folding. and 3 sheets!? 3 SHEETS!? Thats WAY to risky for my blood, what if you finger pokes through that sum bitch and you get doo-doo on your finger? I use like a fourth of a roll on 1 wipe. Can't ever be to careful when it comes to feces on your hands...I stand up too, sitting down has way to many unknown factors.

But you know what really weirds me out, when the toilet seat is so small you gotta do the tuck with your dick so it doesn't touch the seat...I hardly ever shit anywhere but my house because I got an oval seat and I don't gotta do the tuck. But everywhere else I do. Freaks me out.

And I piss before I shit so I don't have the piss watered asshole. Makes me cringe just thinking about it.

poocrusher

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #64 on: June 05, 2008, 12:52:55 PM »
That's 2 times I've seen pictures of feces from a Slap poster now.

I've seen 3:  Diego, Sanch, and Fork.

dudebro

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #65 on: June 05, 2008, 12:56:35 PM »
no, not shit IN the shower, but realize you have to shit while showering, so you get out and sit on the toilet. i couldn't shit in the shower, but i pee in it pretty much every time. i know a few guys who take their shirts off while showering because they feel like they'll get the "stink" on their shirt.

yeah pretty much everyone i know takes their shirs off while showering too. it's so much easier that way.

*shitting. not showering. woops
one-upping is rad.  so is beaming.  both so unquestionably identify the kooks...saves a lot of wasted time/small talk.  you instantly know who to avoid.

MexicanSpaniard

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #66 on: June 05, 2008, 12:58:46 PM »
god i love slap.

does anyone ever feel like they have shit on their ass during the day, only to go to the bathroom and wipe and see nothing? maybe its just me and my psuedo-ocd.


That's called phantom poopie butt and that's where wet wipes followed by regular tp will clarify for you.
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kilgore.

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #67 on: June 05, 2008, 01:26:07 PM »
another tip: stay away from the hot sauce/salsa. do you want your kid to be a redhead? no. why would you want something else you've created to be redheaded as well? a redhead can be good in bed. fact. but the end product is almost never good even when ejaculation sets in. same with hot sauce/salsa. it can taste great, but the end product is an ass that feels like it just got stung by jerry seinfeld in the Bee Movie. or a shit that looks like the poster known as Ginger Nutz. it's just an unpleasant ordeal. shitting is a cleansing process, the toilet is your shrink, you give it all your problems and then the end result is something positive. an empty stomach ready to go work out or a stomach ready to look good when you're missioned style on your girl. or if you're young like baxter you can look really ripe when Uncle Billy tickles you to death and lifts up your shirt and blows real hard on your belly and it makes that fart noise. when Sir John Harington invented the flush toilet in 1596 he had an answer for excretion but what he didnt see were two things. a growing idea of the practice of Jenkem and the financial benefits he could have gained from creating some sort of preserve chamber for the noxious gases feces produces.he also did not see the fact that shitting has a philosophy and art form to it. every intellectual from the beginning of time has been able to avoid many many psychotic reactions because they take shitting very seriously, and have a very strict policy and route when they lock that bathroom door. it's much like the practice i've described on page 1 of this topic. it soothes the mind like a good shot of wine out of your lovers belly button or a nice wrestling match with your pup Roscoe. and also adds structure to your life. wipe standing up my friends, take off your pants and underwear and grab that left ass cheek and tame it, make it your bitch when you're locked up together pantsless in the shitroom. throw on The Immigrant Song by Led Zeppelin and get to fucking shitting!

StabMasterArson

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #68 on: June 05, 2008, 01:31:31 PM »
Hot food= Bruce Ringsting

Mackattack

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #69 on: June 05, 2008, 01:50:18 PM »
you know you took a gnarly shit when it all comes out in liquid form and it still takes two flushes

Choad Muskrat

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #70 on: June 05, 2008, 01:53:24 PM »
wipe standing up my friends, take off your pants and underwear and grab that left ass cheek and tame it, make it your bitch when you're locked up together pantsless in the shitroom.

hahahahaha your making this thread your bitch, that is sig worthy if anything is

Rusty Champignon

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #71 on: June 05, 2008, 01:57:41 PM »
I feel awkward about shitting in other peoples houses, anyone else feel this way?

StabMasterArson

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #72 on: June 05, 2008, 01:59:31 PM »
Pooping at the bar is the worst

jrock

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #73 on: June 05, 2008, 02:00:28 PM »
I feel awkward about shitting in other peoples houses, anyone else feel this way?

you never know if the toilet is going to flush properly.  you could do a test flush, but if you have a problem toilet you may have just wasted your only flush.  it can be quite the dilemma...

Pooping at the bar is the worst

this is why i haven't gone out in almost 2 years

Sleazy

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #74 on: June 05, 2008, 02:01:34 PM »
have to look to know when your done

i stand at work but sit at home. this is because i start wiggling my toes when i wipe so that my legs can wake up after long shits at work and i don't have to come limping out of the stalls and have to explain why i'm limping to a coworker. but at home my bigger concern is not get shitty paper shrapnel all over the floor.

Sleazy

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #75 on: June 05, 2008, 02:02:58 PM »
I feel awkward about shitting in other peoples houses, anyone else feel this way?

no but my wife gives me shit if i try too and god forbid i ask the person who's house it is for a magazine. like no one's ever taken a shit with a magazine before

Choad Muskrat

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #76 on: June 05, 2008, 02:06:22 PM »
I feel awkward about shitting in other peoples houses, anyone else feel this way?

you never know if the toilet is going to flush properly.  you could do a test flush, but if you have a problem toilet you may have just wasted your only flush.  it can be quite the dilemma...


My GF's friend was at her boyfriends parents (who she had just met) and the toilet clogged, she didn't know how to shut the water off and shit + water ended up flooding the entire bathroom and hallway which leads to the kitchen. During dinner time.

And this chick gets super embarassed about stuff, meanwhile her boyfriend had to clean it all up. True story.

Rusty Champignon

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #77 on: June 05, 2008, 02:08:21 PM »
I feel awkward about shitting in other peoples houses, anyone else feel this way?

you never know if the toilet is going to flush properly.  you could do a test flush, but if you have a problem toilet you may have just wasted your only flush.  it can be quite the dilemma...


My GF's friend was at her boyfriends parents (who she had just met) and the toilet clogged, she didn't know how to shut the water off and shit + water ended up flooding the entire bathroom and hallway which leads to the kitchen. During dinner time.

And this chick gets super embarassed about stuff, meanwhile her boyfriend had to clean it all up. True story.


That is a nightmare situation, if that happened to me I would honestly try to climb out of a window and run away

frisco

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #78 on: June 05, 2008, 02:13:19 PM »
I feel awkward about shitting in other peoples houses, anyone else feel this way?

you never know if the toilet is going to flush properly.  you could do a test flush, but if you have a problem toilet you may have just wasted your only flush.  it can be quite the dilemma...


My GF's friend was at her boyfriends parents (who she had just met) and the toilet clogged, she didn't know how to shut the water off and shit + water ended up flooding the entire bathroom and hallway which leads to the kitchen. During dinner time.

And this chick gets super embarassed about stuff, meanwhile her boyfriend had to clean it all up. True story.


That is a nightmare situation, if that happened to me I would honestly try to climb out of a window and run away

thats movie material right there, bad movie, but movie nonetheless

StabMasterArson

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #79 on: June 05, 2008, 02:15:42 PM »
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/uG61KWHaxZ8&hl=en"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/uG61KWHaxZ8&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

bill hates

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #80 on: June 05, 2008, 02:17:54 PM »
the scenario as mentioned before

frisco

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #81 on: June 05, 2008, 02:18:57 PM »
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/uG61KWHaxZ8&hl=en"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/uG61KWHaxZ8&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

hahaha both of those were exactly what i was talking about, id +1 both of you again if i hadnt already this morning

MexicanSpaniard

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #82 on: June 05, 2008, 02:21:10 PM »
I just got SMA for you but someone else needs to get Scoot since I got him for that weird gingernutz emo thing earlier.
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frisco

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #83 on: June 05, 2008, 02:23:13 PM »
This thread is a Slap career definer for Kilgore

bill hates

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #84 on: June 05, 2008, 02:29:03 PM »
I just got SMA for you but someone else needs to get Scoot since I got him for that weird gingernutz emo thing earlier.
haha what?

MexicanSpaniard

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #85 on: June 05, 2008, 02:32:46 PM »
I just got SMA for you but someone else needs to get Scoot since I got him for that weird gingernutz emo thing earlier.
haha what?

I just saw this today


Topic rerail: so I had explosive diarrhea Monday and Tuesday but haven't gone since. I can't wait to go and make my check my bitch.

EDIT: oops that should say cheek, I in no way use checks to wipe my ass.
« Last Edit: June 05, 2008, 02:38:18 PM by MexicanSpaniard »
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bill hates

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #86 on: June 05, 2008, 02:35:53 PM »
o haha thanks jonaski <3
p.s. can we see pictures already?

california love

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #87 on: June 05, 2008, 03:11:23 PM »
every experiment needs an independent variable..

so what do you do when youve got a stiff one and have to shit? would you attempt to bend your member down to piss while you shit?..... thoughts?

Sony MDR V2 headphones

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #88 on: June 05, 2008, 03:13:50 PM »
shit IN the shower? are you serious?

i sit when i wipe, leave one cheek (usually the left) on the seat, the other way in the air to spread the wiping area as much as possible, one quick wipe from behind (not the vagina cock/balls way MS described) with folded tp, and im usually good to go. occasionally i don't really even need to wipe (always do though).

i shit alot, maybe 3 or 4 times a day

fast metabolism

i have this really awesome story about shitting in a shower/bath.

I'll tell it later. remind me.

StabMasterArson

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #89 on: June 05, 2008, 03:15:14 PM »
every experiment needs an independent variable..

so what do you do when youve got a stiff one and have to shit? would you attempt to bend your member down to piss while you shit?..... thoughts?

sorry sir, this is impossible