Author Topic: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE - Mayan Danger Zone  (Read 8196 times)

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Bipsmound

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CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE - Mayan Danger Zone
« on: February 03, 2009, 06:23:08 AM »
You are an explorer named Chase Homely.  You have eyes of deepest blue and a certain je ne sais quoi.  You have been commissioned by the Society for a Better Understanding of Ethnic People (SBUEP) to delve into the ancient secrets of the central American jungle.  For your adventure, you bring along your trusty fanny pack which contains the following items: pack of fake gum that snaps when you pull out a piece, Donald Duck pez dispenser, cyanide pill, lipstick, and pair of red shoelaces.

You parachute from a bi-plane into the jungle.  You come to a clearing and see an ominous looking statue depicting a demon mooning you.

a) You moon the statue back
b) You pee on the statue
c) You run away as fast as you can
d) You slap the statue on the corybungus 

Jura

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE - Mayan Danger Zone
« Reply #1 on: February 03, 2009, 06:33:05 AM »
b)

loophole

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cold budweisers

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE - Mayan Danger Zone
« Reply #3 on: February 03, 2009, 06:45:46 AM »
a.

Bipsmound

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE - Mayan Danger Zone
« Reply #4 on: February 03, 2009, 06:49:16 AM »
You slowly and seductively unzip your trousers and let your manhood dangle for a moment before you fire up the urine pistons.  Your yellow juices splash and dribble down the statue's corybungus.  You notice that as your potent juice dribbles, the filthy enamel that covers the statue begins to fall away.  You pee harder.  You notice the beginnings of a luster seems to be emerging from the statue.  You pee harder and things are pretty much in pressure wash mode.  The demon mooner statue is made of solid gold, encrusted with what appears to be an ass made of diamond.  

You hear a rustling in the bushes.  A state of panic creeps over you like the first wave of an acid trip.  
You:

a) Run like the wind
b) Grab the demon mooner and run
c) Stand your ground and fight like a man
d) Get out your pez

Jura

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE - Mayan Danger Zone
« Reply #5 on: February 03, 2009, 06:50:19 AM »
d)

cold budweisers

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE - Mayan Danger Zone
« Reply #6 on: February 03, 2009, 07:01:24 AM »
c.

Bipsmound

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE - Mayan Danger Zone
« Reply #7 on: February 03, 2009, 07:15:39 AM »
You open your LA Gear fanny pack and get out your Donald Duck pez dispenser.  Your hand shakes uncontrollably as you look into Donald Duck's eyes.  Briefly you remember simpler times as a youngster.  You are brought back to the harsh reality of your situation as you see a human form emerge from the bush.  It is a tall thin figure.  It says "Chase!".  You are startled momentarily before you recognize the figure as your old Stanford rival Hal Ashford.  "Chase old boy, what a coincidence!  I never expected to see you beating about the same bush as me.  I suppose we're after the same prize, eh?  There she is, the statue of the enchanted corybungus."

Hal stares fixedly at the statue as you offer him a pez.  He remarks that orange is his favorite flavor as he chews, but his eyes never leave the statue.  
You:

a) Put Hal in a sleeper hold
b) Suggest he can keep the statue if you get to keep the diamond ass
c) Remind him of the weekend in Vegas you spent together
d) Suggest a feats of strength competition to determine who gets to keep the statue

cold budweisers

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE - Mayan Danger Zone
« Reply #8 on: February 03, 2009, 07:20:36 AM »
d!

Jura

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE - Mayan Danger Zone
« Reply #9 on: February 03, 2009, 07:31:53 AM »
d)

busey

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE - Mayan Danger Zone
« Reply #10 on: February 03, 2009, 07:40:01 AM »
A!!!
I rolled my ankle jacking off on a ladder.

Bipsmound

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE - Mayan Danger Zone
« Reply #11 on: February 03, 2009, 07:51:26 AM »
You unbutton your shirt and drop it to the ground.  You raise your right arm and flex your bicep fiercely.  You notice the friendly calm that just a moment ago had been in Hal's eyes has turned to a clouded fire of determination.  He too removes his shirt and flexes.  Not a word is spoken, as the ritual seems perfectly natural.  You grunt and gesture towards a large boulder.  As he hoists it above his head, Hal lets out a howl that sends the birds squawking from the trees.  It is your turn.  You can feel the veins in your neck pop out to ghastly proportions as you grunt like an old timer in the outhouse.  The dense humidity makes you sweat profusely and you suddenly become aware of how slippery the boulder has become.  You struggle valiantly to lift it over your head, but you stumble backwards and the giant rock lands squarely on your shin.

You scream like a banshee when you see a bone protruding through your skin.  Through the tears in your eyes, you see Hal smiling over you.  "Tough luck old bean.  It looks like the day is mine."  Without another word, he turns and grabs the statue of the enchanted corybungus and trudges off into the underbrush as you curse him, his family, and his avid interest in water polo.  You lie on the ground crippled.
You:

a) Pray to Jesus
b) Take the cyanide pill
c) Call for help
d) Concentrate

max power

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE - Mayan Danger Zone
« Reply #12 on: February 03, 2009, 07:54:17 AM »
d)

loophole

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OttoMaddox

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE - Mayan Danger Zone
« Reply #14 on: February 03, 2009, 08:17:36 AM »
b) insert cyanide pill in anus for maximum absorption.  Praise allah.

Bipsmound

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE - Mayan Danger Zone
« Reply #15 on: February 03, 2009, 08:22:24 AM »
You close your eyes.  You push the excruciating pain of your leg to the back of your mind.  You push the rage you feel towards Hal completely out of your system.  You breathe deeply.  You focus your mind completely on a mental image of the diamond ass.  You feel a twinge of courage somewhere in your lap.  You make a fist with your right hand.  A bright light flashes in front of your closed eyes as you punch your tibia back into your leg.  You rest for a moment before struggling to your feet and lean against a tree with all your weight on your good leg.  

Suddenly, you become aware of eyes upon you.  Out of the brush a group of half naked natives silently form a semi circle around you.  They are all carrying spears but they do not point them at you.  Had they been watching the whole time?  The tallest one, presumably their leader, bellows menacingly in a language you don't understand and points to where the statue of the enchanted corybungus had been.  He steps towards you.
You:

a) Offer him a pez
b) Offer him the trick snapping gum
c) Offer him the cyanide pill
d) Offer him the red shoelaces

CeeyMar

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE - Mayan Danger Zone
« Reply #16 on: February 03, 2009, 08:41:52 AM »
b

OttoMaddox

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE - Mayan Danger Zone
« Reply #17 on: February 03, 2009, 08:44:27 AM »
b

busey

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE - Mayan Danger Zone
« Reply #18 on: February 03, 2009, 08:51:27 AM »
TRADE THE SHOE LACES FOR SPICES!!
I rolled my ankle jacking off on a ladder.

Bipsmound

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE - Mayan Danger Zone
« Reply #19 on: February 03, 2009, 10:02:59 AM »
The native jumps back as you reach into your LA Gear fanny pack.  You pull out the trick snapping gum which draws his eyes in.  He looks inquisitively as you extend a piece towards him.  Ever so cautiously he reaches out to accept your offering.  He looks into your eyes before he falls for your ruse.  As the gum snaps down on his finger, he lets out a yelp and falls to his knees.  At that, all the other natives raise their spears and let out some sort of high pitched call in unison.  They begin dancing and their leader skulks off into the bushes.  You wince in pain as the natives lift you over their shoulders as they chant a joyous song.  Evidently their leader has been disgraced and you have become the new chief of their tribe.

They carry you through the thick underbrush to their village.  You are seated in a position of honour in the center of the village and adorned with flowers, food, and exotic beverages with many little umbrellas in them.  After much pomp and dancing around a campfire, the night drags on you are led towards a hut.  The natives gesture for you to go inside.  Candles are lit and you are immediately struck by a young native woman lying seductively on her side on a straw mattress.  The only article of clothing she is wearing is some sort of thong that looks as if it is made out of panther skin.  You kneel on the mattress beside her and she immediately begins running her tongue all over your chest.  She lies back on the mattress and closes her eyes, evidently awaiting your next move.
You:

a) Oral
b) Vaginal
c) Anal
d) Ask some of the villagers for an animal skin to use as a condom

OttoMaddox

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE - Mayan Danger Zone
« Reply #20 on: February 03, 2009, 10:16:08 AM »
a,b,c

City of Drunken Totems

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE - Mayan Danger Zone
« Reply #21 on: February 03, 2009, 10:27:19 AM »

Tarquin

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE - Mayan Danger Zone
« Reply #22 on: February 03, 2009, 10:32:27 AM »
C

max power

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE - Mayan Danger Zone
« Reply #23 on: February 03, 2009, 10:39:19 AM »
d)

Bipsmound

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE - Mayan Danger Zone
« Reply #24 on: February 03, 2009, 10:58:49 AM »
You remove her panther skin thong and point her toes towards the hut's ceiling.  You jump to the front.  You jump to the back.  You alternate wildly between all available orifices.  At one point you try to throw it in her ear.  She looks confused and slightly offended at her introduction to caucasian love making.  You collapse exhausted on the straw mattress and suck on a piece of pez before drifting off to the land of slumber.

You do not sleep soundly.  Disturbing visions of a naked Hal Ashford with a diamond ass cloud your dreamscape.  Upon awakening, you are more determined than ever to recover the statue of the enchanted corybungus.  You convene the villagers and try and tell them about Hal's treachery.  You gesture and draw pictures in the dirt, but they just stand and stare with open mouths.  The crowd of villagers parts as a shriveled old woman makes her way towards you.  She hobbles slowly on a cane.  You hear a quiet croaking sound coming from her mouth.  You strain to listen but you make out the words, "I will help you in your quest young man".

She leads you into her hut as the other villagers wait outside.  She uses an old tree stump as a table and lays four items upon it.  She instructs you to take one item.
You:

a) Take the rusty revolver without ammunition
b) Take the pouch full of white powder
c) Take the autographed picture of Burt Reynolds
d) Take the panther skin thong she had somehow managed to get her hands on
 

City of Drunken Totems

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE - Mayan Danger Zone
« Reply #25 on: February 03, 2009, 11:35:36 AM »
c

Pelican

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE - Mayan Danger Zone
« Reply #26 on: February 03, 2009, 11:39:04 AM »
b

Guile

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE - Mayan Danger Zone
« Reply #27 on: February 03, 2009, 11:42:12 AM »
d

you can sniff it when you have some alone time later in the adventure
               DGK
              SOME
              TIMES

OttoMaddox

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE - Mayan Danger Zone
« Reply #28 on: February 03, 2009, 11:44:01 AM »
b

Bipsmound

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE - Mayan Danger Zone
« Reply #29 on: February 03, 2009, 12:11:36 PM »
You look at the pouch of white powder.  Your eyes widen and you pick it up and put it in your LA Gear fanny pack.  The old woman extends a frail withered arm towards you and you touch knuckles.  The woman croaks, "trust'.  The villagers sing a melancholy song as you leave them behind to pursue the dastardly Hal Ashford.  You try to avoid thinking about the pain of walking on your leg, but it becomes too much to bear.  You sit down on a fallen tree and roll up your soiled trousers.  Your wound is still open.  You reach into your LA Gear fanny pack and pull out the pouch you got from the old woman.  You gingerly sprinkle some of the white powder on your wound.  Almost instantly the pain disappears.  You feel niccccce.

You start to run through the underbrush.  At first it's a jog, then faster.  Faster even as you break into a sprint.  You drop into a blitz on all fours using both your arms and legs to propel you through the jungle.  Your pants get caught on a tree and are ripped away instantly like a pair of track pants.  You are a ball of sweaty naked white flesh burning a path towards Hal Ashford at maximum velocity.  You can smell him.  He is close.

You stop to put some more powder on your wound.  Then you listen.  You hear the steady plodding of footsteps in the underbrush.  It's him!  He is walking towards you.  He sees you and cowers in horror at the sight of you naked and wild eyed, down on all fours, foaming at the mouth with nothing on but an LA Gear fanny pack.
You:

a) Try to trade some white powder for the statue of the enchanted corybungus
b) Tell him you're sorry about that weekend in Vegas
c) Ask him if he wants to see something cool
d) ATTACK!