Author Topic: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 2 - Secret of the Crystal Balls  (Read 45494 times)

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Bipsmound

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CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 2 - Secret of the Crystal Balls
« on: February 17, 2009, 07:29:14 AM »
You are an explorer named Chase Homely.  You are a man of rugged frame and lecherous eye.  After successfully navigating the Mayan Danger Zone, the Society for the Better Understanding of Ethnic Peoples (SBUEP) has again commissioned you to go out into the world and uncover the mysteries of the past. 

You find an envelope from SBUEP in your mailbox.  It contains a one-way ticket on the ocean liner "Sunset Tide" departing from San Francisco in two days time.  You immediately begin preparations for your odyssey.  You tell your secretary that she'll have to cancel the meeting with Harrison Montgomery, chair of the Committee for the Re-integration of Aboriginal Tribal Hierarchies into Modern Corporate Structures (CRATHMC). 

Upon arriving in old San Francisco you waste no time in making a beeline down the embarcadero to the Sunset Tide.  You are dressed smartly and are not without your trusty LA Gear fanny pack.  As you wait to board your ship, you examine the contents of your LA Gear fanny pack.  Inside you find the following items: a pack of naked lady playing cards, novelty fart spray, a pager, and a pair of red shoelaces.  The crowd begins to board the ship and a sailor registering each passenger asks your final destination, to which you reply, "Hong Kong".

Two days into your Pacific journey, you begin to get your sea legs and emerge from your quarters to seek out a little action.  You come upon a racially diverse crew of sailors hooting and hollering, all grasping money bills.  They appear to be gambling on a battle being waged between two cobra snakes.  The big snake is cowering as the little snake rises above it, gleaking venom.  A middle eastern crew member plays a middle eastern flute thing wildly.
You:

a) Lay down some clams on the big snake
b) Drop some green on the little guy
c) Jam out on the middle eastern flute
d) Threaten to call PETA   

nice weather

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 2 - Secret of the Crystal Balls
« Reply #1 on: February 17, 2009, 07:31:58 AM »
b)

Choad Muskrat

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 2 - Secret of the Crystal Balls
« Reply #2 on: February 17, 2009, 07:44:14 AM »
dude, C!

loophole

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Jura

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 2 - Secret of the Crystal Balls
« Reply #4 on: February 17, 2009, 08:11:33 AM »
b)

max power

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 2 - Secret of the Crystal Balls
« Reply #5 on: February 17, 2009, 08:26:27 AM »
C

Bipsmound

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 2 - Secret of the Crystal Balls
« Reply #6 on: February 17, 2009, 08:35:52 AM »
You post up at the edge of the circle and the middle eastern flute player notices your presence.  You pull out a wad of 20's and motion to the little snake.  The flute player is evidently running the show as he nods to you and keeps playing.  His flute flailing is heating up as the snakes dance around each other, circling rapidly like water being flushed down a toilet.  The battle reaches a crescendo of fluting and hissing and the little snake strikes with evil precision.  The big snake falls limp and the sailors fall silent in despair at their lost money.  Evidently the big snake was the heavy favorite and the sailors eye you with suspicion as you collect your winnings in various currencies.  

The flute player smiles slyly at your good fortune.  He motions for you to join him on the observation deck where you can talk alone.  He is a man of about 30, wearing a turban, with eyes that seem to possess a great many secrets.  He speaks, "My name is Ali Atmaca, your coming was foretold by the ancient deities.  They spoke of an adventurer that would lead mankind out of darkness with the guiding like of the crystal balls."  You look into his eyes.  You try to assess his character, is he friend or foe?  Why is he telling you this?  He continues, "I am but a messenger for a group of elders that seek to preserve the power of the crystal balls.  I know all about you Chase Homely, it is your destiny to rescue us from our impoverished existence."  He gets down on one knee and pledges an oath of fealty to you.
You:

a) Ask for him to get you a sandwich
b) Dose him with the fart spray
c) Demand that he take you to his leader
d) Request that he remove his religious headgear  

MexicanSpaniard

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 2 - Secret of the Crystal Balls
« Reply #7 on: February 17, 2009, 08:42:03 AM »
A! With bacon!
Forever old



TEXAS

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 2 - Secret of the Crystal Balls
« Reply #8 on: February 17, 2009, 08:43:47 AM »
no b!

Choad Muskrat

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 2 - Secret of the Crystal Balls
« Reply #9 on: February 17, 2009, 08:47:56 AM »
b)

Lance

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 2 - Secret of the Crystal Balls
« Reply #10 on: February 17, 2009, 09:02:06 AM »
please tell me you make this shit up off the top of your head?

B
Anyone else notice that Tony Parker is the Gino of basketball?

Just Green Enough

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 2 - Secret of the Crystal Balls
« Reply #11 on: February 17, 2009, 10:05:16 AM »
A, then B.
get that sandwich son, and then coat him in some fart.
I am in fact, a homosexual like Brian Anderson

Pelican

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 2 - Secret of the Crystal Balls
« Reply #12 on: February 17, 2009, 10:05:33 AM »
B

rocklobster

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 2 - Secret of the Crystal Balls
« Reply #13 on: February 17, 2009, 10:15:21 AM »
B

Bipsmound

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 2 - Secret of the Crystal Balls
« Reply #14 on: February 17, 2009, 10:24:39 AM »
You unzip your LA Gear fanny pack.  You pull out a small squirt bottle labeled "The Big Fart Attack".  Ali looks up inquisitively at you just as you unleash full blast in his eyes.  He squeals like a beast with his hands to his eyes.  The stink envelopes him like a swarm of angry bees.  Other passengers run screaming to their quarters as the observation deck becomes chaotic.  

Ali regains his composure as he rises to his feet.  He looks unflinchingly into your eyes and says, "You have disgraced and stigmatized me.  I now know that you cannot be the chosen protector of humanity.  You are nothing more than a common grave robber with a penchant for novelty items.  From here on in, you are my sworn enemy".  With that Ali boards an emergency rowboat and floats away into the sunset.

The bulk of the remainder of your ocean journey is spent in your sleeping quarters as you lie in your bed and wonder what the turbaned Ali could have meant about the crystal balls.  Clearly, these balls were a weighty matter and you resolve to seek them out upon your arrival in old Hong Kong.

After disembarking from the Sunset Tide, you hire a rickshaw and urge haste to rendezvous with your old partner in crime, Regis Cooley.  Cooley, the Irish ex-pat you'd seen the end of many a bottle with, knew to expect you and greeted you profusely upon arrival to his modest east Hong Kong apartment.  After a little bit of catching up and reminiscing about old times, you get down to business and tell him about the crystal balls.  At the mention of the balls, Regis' mood instantly turns from jovial to sullen.  His eyes speak volumes while he sits silent.  He looks at you and asks, "Were you followed here?".  An air of paranoia seemed to have come over him as you shrug at his question.  Just then, you hear muffled footsteps on the staircase.  Regis curtly barks, "You've led them to me!  Out the window, there's no time!".  

You slide down the tiled roof and drop to the busy street.  Regis is bringing up the rear and shouts, "Run! They're right behind us!"  
You:

a) Duck into a butcher shop
b) Jump a young woman for her moped
c) Turn and fight like the hero you are
d) Give up and face the vengeance of your pursuers like the pussy you are        

  

max power

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 2 - Secret of the Crystal Balls
« Reply #15 on: February 17, 2009, 10:32:11 AM »
a

MexicanSpaniard

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 2 - Secret of the Crystal Balls
« Reply #16 on: February 17, 2009, 10:39:28 AM »
D
he just can't hack it in the city apparently
Forever old



TEXAS

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 2 - Secret of the Crystal Balls
« Reply #17 on: February 17, 2009, 10:40:20 AM »
b then pop a wheelie straight into option c

Choad Muskrat

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 2 - Secret of the Crystal Balls
« Reply #18 on: February 17, 2009, 10:54:15 AM »
c)

Just Green Enough

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 2 - Secret of the Crystal Balls
« Reply #19 on: February 17, 2009, 10:54:40 AM »
b then pop a wheelie straight into option c
I am in fact, a homosexual like Brian Anderson

bentmode

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 2 - Secret of the Crystal Balls
« Reply #20 on: February 17, 2009, 11:57:26 AM »
regis cooley is obviously running away because there is something bigger involved, duh.

b, get that moped son.
Han solo blew up the Death Star in Episode 4.  Heard it from a friend.  Reliable source.

tiger woods

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 2 - Secret of the Crystal Balls
« Reply #21 on: February 17, 2009, 12:01:37 PM »
A, maybe we'll see who followed me to cooley's.

PAWL

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yo mike mo new age ape style high five with my reborn hand.

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sven thorkel

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 2 - Secret of the Crystal Balls
« Reply #25 on: February 17, 2009, 03:04:40 PM »
you should teach creative writing classes at your local community center. maybe the next generation would be more interested in tales of chase homely and the society for the better understanding of ethnic peoples then being cell phone slobs who need a maid to flip their tater tots
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rocklobster

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 2 - Secret of the Crystal Balls
« Reply #26 on: February 17, 2009, 07:26:22 PM »
D!

Bipsmound

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 2 - Secret of the Crystal Balls
« Reply #27 on: February 18, 2009, 06:53:44 AM »
You still haven't seen your pursuers yet, but Regis Cooley has whipped you into such a frenzied panic you don't dare look back.  For all you know, a giant dragon could be chasing you.  You must think fast.  You see a young woman in a straw hat mounting a moped.  You deliver a flying jumpkick that knocks her clean off her seat.  She collapses into a pile of asian moaning and your crime goes unnoticed in the hustle and bustle of the crowded street. 

You rev your 5cc engine and Regis hops on the back.  You pop the mother of all wheelies as shopkeepers dive out of the way.  Regis exclaims, "Great Caesar's ghost!"  Not being one to run from a good dust up, you pull a u-turn and head towards your pursuers and an uncertain fate.  Not sure what to expect, and despite Regis' protests, you are stunned to see that you are only being chased by 3 effeminate teenage boys.

They approach you and Regis as the moped comes to a halt.  They seem peaceable enough and you notice a look of shame has come over Regis' face.  The boys are all scantily clad with chests as smooth as a baby's bottom.  One of them begins yelling at Regis in Cantonese and you are shocked at how high his voice is.  So this is what a eunuch looks like, you think to yourself.  As discreetly as possible, but not escaping your notice, Regis slips the boy a few bills of Chinese currency.  You assume that Regis has been hiding the true reasons he was so enthusiastic about living in Asia. 

The teenage boys skip off holding hands while singing a folk song in beautiful/wretched Chinese dissonance.
You:

a) Ask Regis if you can get in on some of the fun boy action
b) Threaten to turn Regis over to the authorities unless he tells you what he knows about the crystal balls
c) Go back to Regis' place and get out the red shoelaces
d) Vomit in disgust

ed...

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 2 - Secret of the Crystal Balls
« Reply #28 on: February 18, 2009, 06:57:46 AM »
C

gentle.

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Re: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE 2 - Secret of the Crystal Balls
« Reply #29 on: February 18, 2009, 07:07:07 AM »
a, please
u b drinkin and b drivin? dat makes you like a millinaire glitter pimp daddy

FUCK RULES!