Author Topic: Awkward moments from your youth.  (Read 17688 times)

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jildo

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Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
« Reply #60 on: September 01, 2009, 05:57:08 PM »
damn, it was deleted the first time, but my mother was telling me a story about how my sister and i would play circus when we were really young. my mom's room was the tent and she had one of those stuffed animal nets that you hang on the wall in the corner of her room. well, one day i decided for the main event i was going to bounce off the bed and hang by that net with my teeth. it didn't end well. she said i had a bloody mouth and ripped some teeth out. i was an intelligent youngster.

the first time my parent's found porn on the family computer wasn't much fun either.

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Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
« Reply #61 on: September 01, 2009, 08:26:12 PM »
Hey, right, this ones better than the retard stories. When i was in Kindergarten i was riding the van home from school one day and there was this legit midget girl who sat in the seat in front of me. Her name was Megan. She was the bitchiest little cunt ever. So anyways, i'm talking to her all nice and what not, because truth be told, i was an empathetic youngin with a rat tail and racing stripe hair cut, and didn't want her to feel bad that she was an ugly midget who had a twin brother who was taller than her. So we start playing with my matchbox car and talking about Punky Brewster. I told her that I thought Cherry was cute, and this little cunt said "no way, she's black." So i told her to give me my car back. She threw it at my face, then with her disgusting uncut finger nails slashed across my young white chest, tearing my white tshirt and leaving gouges that hurt for days. I had to tell my friends the next day that i got scratched by a midget. Now, well, i saw her a few years ago at 7-11, bitch has kids and was buying one of those fake roses in the glass tube that crackheads always scoop up. Shit was fucked up.

When i was 15, i was banging my girlfriend her in bedroom. Her parents, stupidly, allowed us to keep the door closed all the time. So we're going at it right on her bed in the middle of the day, waiting to eat supper. We're not fully unclothed, you know how it is when youre a youngin going for the quickness, pants around the knees and ankles are perfect. So anyways, i'm in the height of my teenage thrust of lust and as my bum is in the air, ready to spear her supple, young vag, her 11 year old sister walks into the bedroom and screams "GROSS!" and runs outta the room crying. I rolled of the bed and my girlfriend starting crying and freaking out. Her mom came to the room and slapped her. I then had to sit down with her parents and "explain" myself. Then, they gave me a ride to my parents house and made me talk with them..... I stuck to my story that i was just fingering her though, somehow, someway, i pulled it off. But, we were never allowed to close the door again.
Obviously it is scary at the time, but explain yourself? You should have told them about the birds and the bees, and explained that you knew they understood, otherwise they wouldn't even have a daughter to defile.


hahahah. in hindsight sure, that would've been great. But at just barely 15 i was a pretty respectful kid to this girls parents cause they were super cool to me. Her mom used to stock up the fridge with Mountain Dew and Funny Bones for me, let me sleep over, picked up my skaterat stoner friends for me, you know, it was a good situation. I was embarrased as fuck really.

One time though, her mom was driving me home and the girl, her name was kristen, had been giving me shit about one of my buddies. I was ripshit. So we're arguing in the backseat of the car and her mom decides to interject and tell me to relax. I ignored her that i wouldn't yell at her, again trying to be as respectful as i thought i could be. The fucking lady jumps in again, and again. I finally just yelled out loud "LINDA! stop the fucking car i'm walking back to my house, now!" She refused and kept driving. I yelled this for the remainder of the ride home. Kristen started crying as i'm getting angrier, but the little cunt shouldn't have started talking shit about frankie and skating. Haha, the best part is that i did feel bad about yelling at her mom, BUT, the next time i saw her mom, she apologized to me for butting into my argument. Shit was tight.

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Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
« Reply #62 on: September 01, 2009, 11:26:59 PM »
I think we've all ahd moms complain about us taking hour long showers.

haha the story of my early masturbation years.

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Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
« Reply #63 on: September 01, 2009, 11:59:22 PM »
First off, I'd just like to state that this thread, the "shitty boyfriend thread", and many others on Whatever are just fucking awesome. I don't even go to Useless Wooden Toy Banter anymore, I just keep going to Whatever and reading all the hilarious stories that you guys have been posting. I'm fucking dying at the shit you guys have been writing. I'm going to try to contribute to this thread, but anything I post is nowhere near as sick as the rest of this thread.

One day at lunch in 8th grade, I was sitting around with my friends like usual. Then I felt a fart coming on. So I tilt to the side, and let this loud ass fart ricochet off the cafeteria table. It was so fucking loud, it was hilarious. Then, I felt like I had one more in me. So once again, I tilt to the side, and I let out...something. It didn't feel like a fart, and it didn't feel like a shit. Perhaps it was a shart. It just felt like nothing, until I got up. That's when I knew that I had clearly just shat in my pants. I only had 1 more class after lunch, so right after lunch I ran into the bathroom. I cleaned most of the shit out of my underwear with paper towels. I think I may have taken the underwear off and just free balled it, i can't remember. Then, for some reason, I thought it would be a great idea if I just stuffed my underwear or pants with paper towels, just in case I had to shit again. I went to Math with my pants fucking stuffed with paper towels. I knew I had to smell. I always wondered if people knew. 

I also shit my pants my Junior year of High School. That's pretty fucking embarassing. I think I was having weird gas and farts that whole day, and then I just started getting really bad prairie dogs. I got back to class, and at this point my shit is letting me know that I need to fucking go. So I get my book for my teacher to sign so I can go to the bathroom, and it was too late. I just fucking shat my pants. Again. I couldn't even try and hold it in. The shit had the upper hand and just forced its way out. So even though my shit was already done, I left and ran to the bathroom. Shit was everywhere. It was so bad that I just decided to remove my underwear and I threw them in the trash. Somehow, my best friend knew what happened. I guess he could smell me.

I'll post more stories when I can think of them. I truly have awkward moments every day of my life.
« Last Edit: September 02, 2009, 12:03:33 AM by Miadaskate »

you took to much

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Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
« Reply #64 on: September 02, 2009, 12:46:32 AM »
there was a tequila company launch party a few weeks ago, and after double fisting tequila on the rocks for almost 2 hours, i left with some friends, slammed two full cups and started to puke. unfortunetly when i tightened up my stomach muscles to puke, i also tightened my sphincter muscles, causing me to have a big ol sloppy wet shit in my pants. i dont wear underwear, and i was so drunk i couldnt really tell so i told my friends something like "i think i shit my pants." i got in the car and, sure enough, it smelled like a shit took a dump. my friends were going "ARRHHhH" so we stopped at a 7-11, i barged into the back and got in the bathroom and proceeded to scrub all the shit out with every paper towel they had in there. it smelt SO bad man. such a vile dump. anyways, i spend a solid 15 minutes drunk cleaning, and when i leave theres a pile of paper towels almost 2 feet out of the toilet, all with some light brown wet stains on them. then i went and partied the rest of the night at some open bar party on top of a roof, it was incredible. nobody knew what was in my pants. and i mean shit this time, not the king ding-a-ling.

oh yeah, i realize that this is "awkward stories from your youth" but i just wanted miadaskate to feel better because shit my pants to, and im fuckin 23.

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Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
« Reply #65 on: September 02, 2009, 01:32:59 AM »
back in 2005 my girlfriend came back after a year of studying in cali... all was good for a while but we were drifting apart and starting fighting alot... the only upside was the crazy post-fight sex which was the freakiest sex ive have to date... so one time she decides to take photos of us doing the deed and sucking my knob, which i had no problem with...  so about a week or so later we have this massive fight and break up, and we meet up to talk shit out...  halfway through an already painful talk with her, her mom gives her a call and says that he found the pictures of us fucking...  long story short, i had to meet her parents for this awkward seafood dinner with her mom asking me when i was going to marry her daughter and how i was planning on supporting her unpure daughter...  the worse part was that they wanted to meet my mom for dinner to discuss our actions...  the good thing was that my mom was super chill about it...  she just told my ex's mom "thats what young ppl do...." and thats pretty much the end of that....

ive said this story in the "gnarly jobs" thread a couple of weeks ago but i dont mind repeating it, its pretty recent but whatever...  i work at a bar and theres a tranny there called Natasha, a thai ladyboy...  shes taller than me, has a deeper voice, and broader shoulders than me, but his/her penis has been snipped off...  honestly speaking natasha is not an attractive man nor woman, but she still has a good flow of rich customers who blow hundreds of their tourist dollars on her... best thing is that she/he is madly in love with me and would profess his/her love to me on a daily basis... here are a few of his/her choice quotes:

"ken (me), are you sick?  need me to give you injection??"

"oh ken, you like cooking with your family?? i like cooking too! my speciality is sausage!!"

"so ken you study psychology?? maybe you can read my mind... help me understand why i think about sex all the time..."


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Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
« Reply #66 on: September 02, 2009, 04:45:41 AM »
I have a friend called Gabe who is my best friend ever. He was the freakiest motherfucker ever from about the age of 8. One day I was at his house, chillin' and playin' some halo on xbox. We are getting bored and his dad is walking around the house doing random stuff. Gabe says 'follow me' and goes out into the hallway where his dad is. I watch from the hallway as gabe pulls down his pants, and shows his dad a complete fruitbowl complete with boner and spread ass cheeks. It was fucking disgusting. His dad kicked him in the balls from behind as hard as he could and then smacked him upside the head and said to me 'do you do fucked up shit like that to your parents?' I said 'no sir' and went back to playing some halo.

Another time me and him were talking to a girl at school that I liked. I was laying the mack down when Gabe chimes in and says 'I really want to shove a broom handle up a girls pussy and then spin her around on it and drink all the blood that pours out'.

He also forced me to film what shit coming out of his asshole so he could see what it looked like.= while I was staying at his house one weekend, it was horrible but he was strong as hell and would punch me otherwise.


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Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
« Reply #67 on: September 02, 2009, 04:52:21 AM »
damn, it was deleted the first time, but my mother was telling me a story about how my sister and i would play circus when we were really young. my mom's room was the tent and she had one of those stuffed animal nets that you hang on the wall in the corner of her room. well, one day i decided for the main event i was going to bounce off the bed and hang by that net with my teeth. it didn't end well. she said i had a bloody mouth and ripped some teeth out. i was an intelligent youngster.

the first time my parent's found porn on the family computer wasn't much fun either.

seriously, that shit was bad.  i didnt know what words to type in at first so i would type shit like "hot nipples" "fantastic tit", i was sitting on the couch and my mom was on the computer when she discovered the internet search history, she was saying shit like "ms. april's nipples? what the fuck is this?"  all i could do was wait it out.

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Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
« Reply #68 on: September 02, 2009, 07:51:44 AM »
I have a friend called Gabe who is my best friend ever. He was the freakiest motherfucker ever from about the age of 8. One day I was at his house, chillin' and playin' some halo on xbox. We are getting bored and his dad is walking around the house doing random stuff. Gabe says 'follow me' and goes out into the hallway where his dad is. I watch from the hallway as gabe pulls down his pants, and shows his dad a complete fruitbowl complete with boner and spread ass cheeks. It was fucking disgusting. His dad kicked him in the balls from behind as hard as he could and then smacked him upside the head and said to me 'do you do fucked up shit like that to your parents?' I said 'no sir' and went back to playing some halo.

Another time me and him were talking to a girl at school that I liked. I was laying the mack down when Gabe chimes in and says 'I really want to shove a broom handle up a girls pussy and then spin her around on it and drink all the blood that pours out'.

He also forced me to film what shit coming out of his asshole so he could see what it looked like.= while I was staying at his house one weekend, it was horrible but he was strong as hell and would punch me otherwise.



What the fuck.

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Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
« Reply #69 on: September 02, 2009, 11:07:39 AM »
when i was in kindergarten i used to ride the bus with this blonde girl sarah.  she kept telling everyone i was her boyfriend and i denied it.  she tried tickeling me infront of the whole bus to prove that we were a cute little couple.  my knee-jerk reaction was to punch her in the face.  i didnt intend to do that.  more or less it was the heisman trophy pose to keep her away and i palm punched her straight in her nose.  blood everywhere.  i got called to the principles office in school the next day with my parents and had to apologize.  that same girl hired me to be the photographer at her wedding last year.  she jokingly introduced me to her husband as 'the first dude who punched her in the face' (which means there have been others since).  he was a big dude and was not impressed.  that was a fun wedding to photograph.

when i was 13 my friends constantly tried to get me to trip.  one of them slipped me acid while i was sleeping.  that was awkward as i had no idea why the fuck the walls were yawning when i woke up.

the first time i ever got drunk i had an awkward night.  i drank two pbr tallies over the course of like 3 hours and i was smashed.  my friends dropped me off at my house and i got a phone call from this girl i wanted to bone.  i snuck out of my house for the first time in this ellaborate mission impossible technique called 'jumping out of the window of your bedroom on the 2nd floor'.  that sucked.  i walked 3 miles to this girls house where i drank like a zima or something and passed out in her little brother fort.  i woke up in complete darkness to some chick trying to put a condom on me.  being drunk and confused i basically freaked out and screamed at the chick.  i had no idea who she was at the time.  i ran 3 miles home missing my shirt and shoes that i left in the fort.  i think i still had the condom half on the whole time.  everytime i saw a car i was completely sure it was my sister who was driving home from a party and would tell my mom...so i dove head first into ditches every single time a car passed.  i eventually got home, snuck into bed, woke up and convinced myself it was a dream because there's no way i would do that shit for real.  3 months later the chick came up to me at work and apologized for what she did.  i was super confused and then it hit me that it wasn't a dream.  too bad cause she was hot, and had i not been a confused little bitch when i woke up, i wouldve gladly handed her my virginity on a silver platter.  my manager overheard the whole conversation and used to make fun of me all the time.

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Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
« Reply #70 on: September 02, 2009, 11:10:28 AM »
everyone's posts in this are completely fucking awesome.  i needed this.  i've been sitting in a quiet office for the last hour trying to breathe out laughter.  it's not going over very well.  bipsmound story is the greatest fucking thing ever.

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Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
« Reply #71 on: September 02, 2009, 12:31:11 PM »
Hey, right, this ones better than the retard stories. When i was in Kindergarten i was riding the van home from school one day and there was this legit midget girl who sat in the seat in front of me. Her name was Megan. She was the bitchiest little cunt ever. So anyways, i'm talking to her all nice and what not, because truth be told, i was an empathetic youngin with a rat tail and racing stripe hair cut, and didn't want her to feel bad that she was an ugly midget who had a twin brother who was taller than her. So we start playing with my matchbox car and talking about Punky Brewster. I told her that I thought Cherry was cute, and this little cunt said "no way, she's black." So i told her to give me my car back. She threw it at my face, then with her disgusting uncut finger nails slashed across my young white chest, tearing my white tshirt and leaving gouges that hurt for days. I had to tell my friends the next day that i got scratched by a midget. Now, well, i saw her a few years ago at 7-11, bitch has kids and was buying one of those fake roses in the glass tube that crackheads always scoop up. Shit was fucked up.

When i was 15, i was banging my girlfriend her in bedroom. Her parents, stupidly, allowed us to keep the door closed all the time. So we're going at it right on her bed in the middle of the day, waiting to eat supper. We're not fully unclothed, you know how it is when youre a youngin going for the quickness, pants around the knees and ankles are perfect. So anyways, i'm in the height of my teenage thrust of lust and as my bum is in the air, ready to spear her supple, young vag, her 11 year old sister walks into the bedroom and screams "GROSS!" and runs outta the room crying. I rolled of the bed and my girlfriend starting crying and freaking out. Her mom came to the room and slapped her. I then had to sit down with her parents and "explain" myself. Then, they gave me a ride to my parents house and made me talk with them..... I stuck to my story that i was just fingering her though, somehow, someway, i pulled it off. But, we were never allowed to close the door again.
Obviously it is scary at the time, but explain yourself? You should have told them about the birds and the bees, and explained that you knew they understood, otherwise they wouldn't even have a daughter to defile.


hahahah. in hindsight sure, that would've been great. But at just barely 15 i was a pretty respectful kid to this girls parents cause they were super cool to me. Her mom used to stock up the fridge with Mountain Dew and Funny Bones for me, let me sleep over, picked up my skaterat stoner friends for me, you know, it was a good situation. I was embarrased as fuck really.

One time though, her mom was driving me home and the girl, her name was kristen, had been giving me shit about one of my buddies. I was ripshit. So we're arguing in the backseat of the car and her mom decides to interject and tell me to relax. I ignored her that i wouldn't yell at her, again trying to be as respectful as i thought i could be. The fucking lady jumps in again, and again. I finally just yelled out loud "LINDA! stop the fucking car i'm walking back to my house, now!" She refused and kept driving. I yelled this for the remainder of the ride home. Kristen started crying as i'm getting angrier, but the little cunt shouldn't have started talking shit about frankie and skating. Haha, the best part is that i did feel bad about yelling at her mom, BUT, the next time i saw her mom, she apologized to me for butting into my argument. Shit was tight.
Oh, I wouldn't expect you to talk shit, but really? They let you sleep over with their daughter that you were dating, and they didn't think you guys were fucking? Are you kidding me?
Are you a kook? If you would say this, the answer is “YES”
I quit skating for a time due to piling out

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Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
« Reply #72 on: September 02, 2009, 12:50:22 PM »
One time I was walking home from a session in my old town, and suddenly I feel like shitting. It took like 5 seconds from when I first felt it til I just had to pull my pants down. I was walking on the side of the main road going through the town. So I unzipped my pants, tried to bend a little bit forward and my ass just exploded. Like when you press the end of a hose, it went everywhere, into the bushes, on my legs, on my boxer, the sidewalk. So there I am, standing there like an idiot with cars passing. Pulled my pants on and did the crab walk all the way home. Didn't know how to work the washing machine so I just threw away my clothes so nobody in the house would find out.

This story is kinda gay, but I was watching a video with my best friend, drinking sodas and stuff. I felt a fart coming so naturally I get up, unzip my pants to release it in his face. Well the floor was slippery, and he caught up on my thoughts and pushed me in the back, my feet slipped away. And of course the soda bottle was standing on the floor right underneath me. Painful, funny as hell and very awkward. I'm just glad the bottles got that plastic halo thing near the top of the bottle neck so I didn't puncture my lung or something.

Got a few more but forgot them as I was writing this down.
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Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
« Reply #73 on: September 02, 2009, 12:51:28 PM »
^^^^
no joke, man. it was a great situation for me. Some parents like to live in Catholic denial. Man, it's a beautiful thing.

yeah dude!

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Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
« Reply #74 on: September 02, 2009, 01:10:29 PM »
About 5 years ago my girlfriend was living in Italy for awhile and we'd email non-stop for most of the day. One day, 4 months into her trip and 6 days before I was flying over to see her, I sent her a pretty explicit email telling her the things I was going to do to her when I got there. After I hit send I got a warning from Gmail telling me I forgot to select a recipient. As anyone with Gmail knows, if you start typing someones name you get a list of all your contacts that match the letters you've typed. Well, her name is Daina so after I typed "Da" I selected her email from the list and hit send. Only after I got a response from my Dad that said "I love you too" did I realize what I had done. To make matters worse, this was during the Summer I spent working at his law firm and he was about 20 feet away from me in his office.

Another time during the same Summer at the law firm I went to take a piss. The bathroom had two urinals and when I walked in one of the lawyers was standing in one of them so I took the empty one to his left and starting going. About 10 seconds in he turns and looks directly at me and says, while still pissing, "Do you ever start going number 1 and then all of a sudden have to go number 2?". Then without saying another word he stopped pissing, zipped up his pants, and went into a stall. That was awkward for sure.


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Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
« Reply #75 on: September 03, 2009, 02:51:31 AM »

Another time during the same Summer at the law firm I went to take a piss. The bathroom had two urinals and when I walked in one of the lawyers was standing in one of them so I took the empty one to his left and starting going. About 10 seconds in he turns and looks directly at me and says, while still pissing, "Do you ever start going number 1 and then all of a sudden have to go number 2?". Then without saying another word he stopped pissing, zipped up his pants, and went into a stall. That was awkward for sure.



For some reason I couldn't stop laughing at the last three sentences and have been reading them over and over.

Once I came in a girls eye and had to help her down the hall past my girl roomates' (who had lent me the condoms) room into the bathroom while she was screaming how it burned. Then she later got me back by perioding all over my hand when I was knuckles deep. My roommate still makes fun of me for that night but I make fun of her back for banging my friend when she was blacked out drunk.
Stephen Alcala: chris cole anit a loser
Stephen Alcala: frank grewer is an alcholic
Stephen Alcala: LOSER

stabbin

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Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
« Reply #76 on: September 03, 2009, 03:02:05 AM »

Another time during the same Summer at the law firm I went to take a piss. The bathroom had two urinals and when I walked in one of the lawyers was standing in one of them so I took the empty one to his left and starting going. About 10 seconds in he turns and looks directly at me and says, while still pissing, "Do you ever start going number 1 and then all of a sudden have to go number 2?". Then without saying another word he stopped pissing, zipped up his pants, and went into a stall. That was awkward for sure.



For some reason I couldn't stop laughing at the last three sentences and have been reading them over and over.

Once I came in a girls eye and had to help her down the hall past my girl roomates' (who had lent me the condoms) room into the bathroom while she was screaming how it burned. Then she later got me back by perioding all over my hand when I was knuckles deep. My roommate still makes fun of me for that night but I make fun of her back for banging my friend when she was blacked out drunk.
I'm unaware of what that actually means?  I've fucked many a chick while on their period and I'm still confused by this.  So you got period blood on you or...?  I don't really see that as getting you back at all, but maybe im just too comfortable with period blood though.
« Last Edit: September 03, 2009, 03:08:54 AM by stabbin »

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Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
« Reply #77 on: September 03, 2009, 03:41:13 AM »

Another time during the same Summer at the law firm I went to take a piss. The bathroom had two urinals and when I walked in one of the lawyers was standing in one of them so I took the empty one to his left and starting going. About 10 seconds in he turns and looks directly at me and says, while still pissing, "Do you ever start going number 1 and then all of a sudden have to go number 2?". Then without saying another word he stopped pissing, zipped up his pants, and went into a stall. That was awkward for sure.



For some reason I couldn't stop laughing at the last three sentences and have been reading them over and over.

Once I came in a girls eye and had to help her down the hall past my girl roomates' (who had lent me the condoms) room into the bathroom while she was screaming how it burned. Then she later got me back by perioding all over my hand when I was knuckles deep. My roommate still makes fun of me for that night but I make fun of her back for banging my friend when she was blacked out drunk.
I'm unaware of what that actually means?  I've fucked many a chick while on their period and I'm still confused by this.  So you got period blood on you or...?  I don't really see that as getting you back at all, but maybe im just too comfortable with period blood though.

It was my first encounter with the stuff so I didn't quite know if it was cool to proceed or not. plus, it stained my sheets
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Stephen Alcala: frank grewer is an alcholic
Stephen Alcala: LOSER

stabbin

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Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
« Reply #78 on: September 03, 2009, 03:44:58 AM »

Another time during the same Summer at the law firm I went to take a piss. The bathroom had two urinals and when I walked in one of the lawyers was standing in one of them so I took the empty one to his left and starting going. About 10 seconds in he turns and looks directly at me and says, while still pissing, "Do you ever start going number 1 and then all of a sudden have to go number 2?". Then without saying another word he stopped pissing, zipped up his pants, and went into a stall. That was awkward for sure.



For some reason I couldn't stop laughing at the last three sentences and have been reading them over and over.

Once I came in a girls eye and had to help her down the hall past my girl roomates' (who had lent me the condoms) room into the bathroom while she was screaming how it burned. Then she later got me back by perioding all over my hand when I was knuckles deep. My roommate still makes fun of me for that night but I make fun of her back for banging my friend when she was blacked out drunk.
I'm unaware of what that actually means?  I've fucked many a chick while on their period and I'm still confused by this.  So you got period blood on you or...?  I don't really see that as getting you back at all, but maybe im just too comfortable with period blood though.

It was my first encounter with the stuff so I didn't quite know if it was cool to proceed or not. plus, it stained my sheets
Well for future reference, ALWAYS proceed.   We have Walmarts and bleach for damn good reasons.

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Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
« Reply #79 on: September 03, 2009, 04:24:28 AM »
One time I was walking home from a session in my old town, and suddenly I feel like shitting. It took like 5 seconds from when I first felt it til I just had to pull my pants down. I was walking on the side of the main road going through the town. So I unzipped my pants, tried to bend a little bit forward and my ass just exploded. Like when you press the end of a hose, it went everywhere, into the bushes, on my legs, on my boxer, the sidewalk. So there I am, standing there like an idiot with cars passing. Pulled my pants on and did the crab walk all the way home. Didn't know how to work the washing machine so I just threw away my clothes so nobody in the house would find out.

This story is kinda gay, but I was watching a video with my best friend, drinking sodas and stuff. I felt a fart coming so naturally I get up, unzip my pants to release it in his face. Well the floor was slippery, and he caught up on my thoughts and pushed me in the back, my feet slipped away. And of course the soda bottle was standing on the floor right underneath me. Painful, funny as hell and very awkward. I'm just glad the bottles got that plastic halo thing near the top of the bottle neck so I didn't puncture my lung or something.

Got a few more but forgot them as I was writing this down.


Wait, so the bottle went up your ass?

Smurph

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Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
« Reply #80 on: September 03, 2009, 05:29:46 AM »

EricLogan

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Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
« Reply #81 on: September 03, 2009, 09:45:13 PM »
one time on my walk home from elementary school, I stumbled apon one of those shitty ass porn video brochures that were about the size and thickness of romance novels, and it's full of nothing but thumbnail-sized photos of chicks with their tits out and phone numbers to order the videos from. anyway, I took it home with intent to wank, but knew it would be too risky to take it inside, so instead I took it deep down into the gultch behind my house, beat off in the woods, and then hid it inside a hole in the side of a dead tree

I returned to this spot and jacked off to it every day for like two weeks, and then one day I went down there to get my stroke on, and it had mysteriously vanished forever.

I imagine some other dude that lived near us probably witnessed this spectical and decided he didn't want to see me jack off from his back yard anymore and threw it away. Either that or he himself wanted to jack off to it and stole it from me.
I rarely venture into classic slap and the one time I do it I find a guy getting his dick eaten by a dolphin.

McCly

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Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
« Reply #82 on: September 03, 2009, 10:01:30 PM »
About 5 years ago my girlfriend was living in Italy for awhile and we'd email non-stop for most of the day. One day, 4 months into her trip and 6 days before I was flying over to see her, I sent her a pretty explicit email telling her the things I was going to do to her when I got there. After I hit send I got a warning from Gmail telling me I forgot to select a recipient. As anyone with Gmail knows, if you start typing someones name you get a list of all your contacts that match the letters you've typed. Well, her name is Daina so after I typed "Da" I selected her email from the list and hit send. Only after I got a response from my Dad that said "I love you too" did I realize what I had done. To make matters worse, this was during the Summer I spent working at his law firm and he was about 20 feet away from me in his office.



awkward as fuck

ccc333

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Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
« Reply #83 on: September 03, 2009, 10:20:49 PM »
I was like 7 years old and I was a ring boy for one of my uncle's wedding and I was standing up there on the stage waiting for the preacher to do his thing.  I had to peeee soooo bad I didnt know what to do standing up there.  I was figgiting and whatever and I couldnt hold it any longer.  I ended up pissing myself on stage in front of everybody.  It soaked my crotch area and started running down my pant legs and into my sock.  I tried my best to not let my pants touch it.  I think I got away with it cuz no one said shit.  But pretty much the whole day until I got home I was walking around in piss-soaked undies and socks.

VeganShawn

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Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
« Reply #84 on: September 03, 2009, 10:37:21 PM »
one time on my walk home from elementary school, I stumbled apon one of those shitty ass porn video brochures that were about the size and thickness of romance novels, and it's full of nothing but thumbnail-sized photos of chicks with their tits out and phone numbers to order the videos from. anyway, I took it home with intent to wank, but knew it would be too risky to take it inside, so instead I took it deep down into the gultch behind my house, beat off in the woods, and then hid it inside a hole in the side of a dead tree

I returned to this spot and jacked off to it every day for like two weeks, and then one day I went down there to get my stroke on, and it had mysteriously vanished forever.

I imagine some other dude that lived near us probably witnessed this spectical and decided he didn't want to see me jack off from his back yard anymore and threw it away. Either that or he himself wanted to jack off to it and stole it from me.

LOL

Guile

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Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
« Reply #85 on: September 03, 2009, 11:06:38 PM »
ok so the first one: It was my first serious girlfriend and I, being one of the only 3 skaterbois in our town, ended up getting one of the hotter girls at school. so about 3 or so weeks into it we are at her place watching some shit disney cartoon and i decide to make some moves. Now for the past 3 weeks all my friends were doing the little teen shit where they ask you about everything possible and talk about pussy and tits non-stop so i had some pretty fucked up expectations. I had already gotten some breast work in and i was ready for some sweet sweeti clam. i start sliding my hand down her pants and i feel the 80's afro and i know im near the gold mine, so i keep going. at this point ive realized this is more hair than i could ever wish to have on my head and im getting kind of grossed out but i need to touch it, i need to feel the sweet soft spot i had seen in hustler and club so many times.

so i finally get to it, and its soaking wet. i feel like im going to start crying im so excited. and naturally at that age i have no idea what im doing so i diddle around a bunch like Michael J Fox with finger paints. i did this for probably half an hour when suddenly her parents call us upstairs for dinner. as we start going up the stairs, her infront of me, i decide to give my fingers a quick and subtle sniff. its the finest scent i had ever had. everything i imagined it would be, and more. there was nothing like it and i couldnt believe how good and powerful it was. i was dreaming of this for so many years..... then i snap out of it and realize not only have i stopped mid way up the stairs, but she is staring right at me, along with her mom and dad at the top of the stairs. i thought fast and pretended to be scratching my upper lip but not a word was said during dinner and we didnt talk again until about a year ago when she moved to my city for school.


the second one: so it was a couple years after the first one and me and my new girlfriend had been playing the "lets do it everywhere we can get caught" game. we had never got caught and we were pretty stoked on how hard we were killing it. now this girl was a freak, a pervert. i was still at the beginning of my little sexual life and i had experienced things that would make Hughe Hefners balls drop. we used to always watch movies in her room but with the sound off and go at it over and over again for hours. we werent even kissing, just teens4cash style super fucking like we had been bucking lines of powdered redbull cut with meth.

so one night we are going at it and decided to play the anal boink game. we are plowing away on the floor, with nothing covering us because we are idiots, when i hear feet land at the top of the stairs beside the door. quickily thinking i pull the blanket off the bed beside us and huck it over us with one arm, her mom comes in and sees us laying on the floor watching conair with the sound off, i have no shirt on and shes in just a bra. she is panting away and says between breathes "its so fucking hot in here mom, check the heater downstairs". so her and her mom get into this arguement about the heat while im STILL currently balls deep in her asshole, trying my hardest not to start crying and shit myself on the floor beside her naked daughter. eventually she left and i pulled out and went home and re-thought my life. i just moved a block away from her so life is about to get interesting.

and the last one (Pretty much all my awkward moments have been sexual because i have terrible luck and never think out what im doing):

My friend is trying to hump this girl at school but she isnt giving it up, so finally they plan a movie night and she is bringing her cockblock friend. so he tells me to come along and keep her busy while he plays doctor in the other room. i agree because i know something awesome will come of it. I may be a shit person but sometimes im a good friend. sometimes....

so the night comes and we are all in the tv room upstairs, watching some movie in the dark when the cockblock friend starts jabbering. i have no idea what she is saying because she is a woman, and i dont care. so somehow we walk out of the room so she can show me something in her room. she closes the door and jumps on me. she wasnt ugly but she wasnt super hot so i just let it happen because im 17 and my penis is my only prized possession. so we are making out for a while, with the brightest lights i have ever seen on and she decideds to rip my pants off and start blowing me. the fucking day is mine!

a few minutes go by, just enough for me to close my eyes and start enjoying it when she suddenly stops. i layed there for a few more seconds expecting her to continue but she didnt. i open my eyes and she is sitting on the side of the bed with her back to me and i look over her shoulder. Her massive father is standing in the doorway looking at his topless daughter with her panties around her ankles, with some skrawny pussy laying beside her, with a shiny wet boner. Immediatly i go deer in the headlights and freeze up with the most incredible fear i have ever felt. this man is fucking huge, like a fucking giant, and he is enraged. its dead silent for what seems like an eternity when she mumbles out "daddy..." and her dad says nothing for a couple more seconds. for some fucking reason (to this day i cant figure it out, maybe the stress and pressure just got to me) i burst into the craziest laughter i have ever had. tears in my fucking eyes giggling and saying sorry every breathe i get. he stomps out of the room and she chases after him, so i pull up my pants and run as fast as i can to the tv room to grab my friend and get the fuck out. not only is he ready to go, hes pushing me out the door. we ran for a good block then laughed all the way back to my house. i never spoke to that chick again even though she was in nearly all my classes.

i still feel bad that he never got anything that night because when me and cockblock left the room all the girl he was with did was talk about what me and the other girl were probably doing.
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ccc333

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Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
« Reply #86 on: September 03, 2009, 11:16:42 PM »
that last story is the best. hahahaha

Ben Throttle

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Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
« Reply #87 on: September 03, 2009, 11:29:00 PM »
Some of these just don't seem real. They're certainly well thought out fiction stories if so
« Last Edit: September 03, 2009, 11:31:08 PM by Ben Throttle »
i thought i was the only one who bruised people with my cum, save it up for about two weeks and release the blast.

EricLogan

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Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
« Reply #88 on: September 04, 2009, 04:08:38 AM »
oh my god, Guile. I saw the face of God when I read your stories

you've no idea what amount of joy you've just bestowed upon me with said trifecta of awesome.
I rarely venture into classic slap and the one time I do it I find a guy getting his dick eaten by a dolphin.

Guile

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Re: Awkward moments from your youth.
« Reply #89 on: September 04, 2009, 10:32:04 AM »
and now im single for the first time in my life so i can promise much worse stories to come.
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