Glad someone revived this thread.
Last weekend I pathetically failed at an attempt towards a sexual relation, but before I explain what went down there's some back story to it...
About a year and a half ago I hooked up with a random girl a few times I remember seeing in high school but never really knew until a drunken Christmas party at a bar. We got to know each other and I told her a lot of intimate shit I don't normally tell people which got her to open up a lot to me. She told me some info that led me to believe she was secretly a lesbian in denial. For example...
-Made out and touched vags with another girl when she was prepubescent
-Had wet dreams about her ex roommate who was a ridiculously hot lesbian
-Had boned about 20 dudes and never had an orgasm
-The fact that every time we boned, she would just lie there with her eyes closed looking uncomfortable. For someone with such experience with dick, she was a terrible lay.
So one night we go out to a bar. Some random pretty hot drunk girl walks up to us, "blaw blaw blaw I'm a lesbian." Directly after she says this I go, "Oh yeah? She is too!" pointing to the girl I was dating next to me, (this was before she ever fully admitted to me she was part homo which means I pretty much put her on blast.) Instead of her denying it, she just sat there smiling. They made out that night, and long story short they hooked up maybe a month later giving my friend her first orgasm. Later found out the lesbian was a full blooded crazy alcoholic.
Fast forward to last weekend I'm at Buffalo Wild Wings with a couple friends having wings and a beer. I look to my left and it's the lesbian chick with a lesbian friend of hers sitting down at the bar next to us. I say "hi" and casually continue eating with my friends not thinking much of it. Maybe 10 minutes later she leans over to me and asks me how the girl I used to date is. We make small talk and she buys me a bigass Hef, stoking me out. I continue to mingle with my friends not thinking much of it, next thing I know she buys me another beer...then another...then another. Lesbian chick gets me full on drunk, so I figure I need to investigate wtf is goin on in her head buyin me all this shit. One thing leads to another and I get kidnapped by the two lesbos who drag me into a Jersey Shore like club next door. Before I decide to full on ditch my friends I ask her "so are you a full on lesbo or are you bi?!" She confirms she's bi, so I get dragged into the bro club in chords and a baseball tee surrounded by a bunch of tools in striped button ups, hair gel, etc. They buy me another shot and a mixed drink...I'm completely shit faced at this point.
Finally the less hot lesbo drunkenly drives us about a block away to the hot ones apt. The less hot lesbo leaves for maybe 15 minutes to grab another handle from her house. While she's gone I start to make out with the hot one. She pulls my boner out in the kitchen, I'm ready to go, and seconds after it gets whipped out, homegirl walks in the front door and we gotta put that shit away real quick. We take another shot and hot lesbian suddenly turns into a crazy drunken bitch in a desperate attempt to get the other chick out so we could hump. This goes on for about a half hour and I just pretend to be passed out on the couch to stay out of it. Eventually she leaves...a detailed recollection of the events that follow are a little hazy considering how much we drank, but next thing I remember we're naked in her bed trying to put on a condom. Low and behold, the dreaded whiskey dick puts me out of commission and I pass out with my nut unbusted.
Next morning we wake up hungover in no mood to attempt the deed once more. I think her sobriety turned her fully gay again. Instead she tells me to text the girl I played wing-man for about a year earlier, "guess whose bed I'm in right now!" OG girl didn't think it was very funny. We thought it was hilarious. I think she just tried to fuck me to piss off OG girl or something. The End.