Author Topic: pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations  (Read 61495 times)

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Bobcrackerlacker

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Re: pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations
« Reply #270 on: March 09, 2011, 06:34:33 PM »
Alright, this one was with my first girlfreind.

It started off innocent enough, her parents were gone and we decided to take a shower. After a little pole play, i decided to slip it in the pink. I'm taxin' that ass doggie style and says that she wants me to fuck her in her 2-spot.  I oblige. But first, I want to get the lube out of her room to make it easier on her. So I hop out of the shower, full boner mind you (it's just funny walking around with a big ol' stiffy) and get the lube out of her top drawer of her nightstand. I get back in and slather up my penis with the lube then I get prepared for the journey into what separates the men from the elite group who have traveled the proverbial "hershey highway". She bends over and I start coaxing it in, like a gentleman. As soon as I break the seal, she screams "OH MY GOD! PULL IT OUT!!!" and I do so. As soon as i pull out, she hits the deck, smashing her head on the tile wall. I start cracking up, at the thought of what just happened. I finally stop laughing and slap her awake to which she replies "oh my god, that was the most painful thing I've ever felt." I laugh some more and get out of the shower, still with a boner.

But what I have gained from this experience is this; I made someone pass out with my penis and not too many people can say that.

I've got another story i'll post about an explosion of fluids later tonight. I'm going to Applebees.

BARACKOBAMA

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Re: pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations
« Reply #271 on: March 09, 2011, 07:21:50 PM »
met this girl at a party like 6 months back. After a while we start chillin like on the regular and she would come to my dorm and watch movies and cuddle and shit. shit's goin real good and what not, she aint no slut so i dont force the situation, on what ended up our final late-night movie session she starts cuddlin with me hardcore (idk if that makes sense) but she started grabbin on to me and shit, mind you I like this girl a lot and i kinda freeze and dont know what to do and basically reject all her advances. looking back im pretty sure she wanted some dick. anyway she got an apartment at the start of this semester...haven't heard too much from her since.

Diogenes

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Re: pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations
« Reply #272 on: March 09, 2011, 08:01:55 PM »
met this girl at a party like 6 months back. After a while we start chillin like on the regular and she would come to my dorm and watch movies and cuddle and shit. shit's goin real good and what not, she aint no slut so i dont force the situation, on what ended up our final late-night movie session she starts cuddlin with me hardcore (idk if that makes sense) but she started grabbin on to me and shit, mind you I like this girl a lot and i kinda freeze and dont know what to do and basically reject all her advances. looking back im pretty sure she wanted some dick. anyway she got an apartment at the start of this semester...haven't heard too much from her since.

Man up, women don't like to have to make the first move.

Ring her, get living.
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StabMasterArson

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Re: pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations
« Reply #273 on: March 09, 2011, 09:26:38 PM »
One night I was chatting online with this older, laregely unattractive asian girl I went to high school with. She was maybe a 4 or 5. I'm easily bored with conversation so I started pushing the dialogue into perverted places. Long story short this girl invites me to her place which is about 45 minutes away, and out of sheer boredom and loneliness ( I had recently broken up with my ex of a few years) I obliged to make the trip.

I arrive at her apartment after deciphering her confusing directions, which was a complete downer/turn off in and of itself, and scaled the stairs to enter her cat urine scented living quarters. Strike one. She had become a cat lady. We exchanged greetings and long time no sees. She immediately turned to procure a bottle of rum from the cabinet at which point I noticed she no longer had the enormous bubble butt I had always fancied. Strike two. The rum was all fine and dandy until her incessant banter lead me to drink myself into complete oblivion. The second she realized I wasn't listening (probably wasn't even coherent) and had consumed three fourths of the handle, she jumped on my lap and delved her tounge deep into the depths of my throat. I halfway came out of my stupor enough to push her head towards my groin. She ripped my pants off with enthusiasm and immediately began sucking my half mass johnson. I wasn't feeling it all that much until she looked up into my eyes with my cock in her mouth, which brought me to full attention. At that moment she swiftly removed her panties and literally made an arial leap onto my dick and subsequently, while bouncing on it, released a series of high pitched screeches and wails. Not sexy screeches and wails, but painful, terrifying, murderous screeches and wails. Seriously, so loud I must have gone into fight or flight mode. I felt like the guy who fucked a monkey and invented AIDS. I was boneing a primate. Strike three. I leaned my head on the back of the couch and turned it away to avoid being deafened by the caucophony of jungle howls, and within seconds I came inside of her. I don't know if I did it out of fear, or just wanting to wash my hands of the incident, but never the less I immediately realized I could have just impregnated this wild creature. She dismounted and I stumbled off to wash my junk in her bathroom sink. Everything smelled like cat piss. I hit my head on the medicine cabinet, and in my drunken delirium, was forced to hold back a bubbling cauldron of vomit.

Upon returning to the living room I saw that she had folded the couch out into a futon style bed and was laying on her side, already half asleep. I hesitantly layed down on my back beside her. She rolled over and whispered in my ear: " If you feel like it later, I want you to fuck me from behind with that big cock. Its bigger than anything im used to..."
She rolled over and went to sleep. Half of me wanted to wake her up and just hate fuck the shit out of her from behind, but at that point I was too drunk to do anything of the sort. I ended up beating off on her leather computer chair and driving the 45 minutes home completely shithoused just to avoid seeing her in the morning. Luckily I didn't fertilize her eggs.

gold.

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Re: pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations
« Reply #274 on: March 10, 2011, 06:58:57 AM »
Expand Quote
One night I was chatting online with this older, laregely unattractive asian girl I went to high school with. She was maybe a 4 or 5. I'm easily bored with conversation so I started pushing the dialogue into perverted places. Long story short this girl invites me to her place which is about 45 minutes away, and out of sheer boredom and loneliness ( I had recently broken up with my ex of a few years) I obliged to make the trip.

I arrive at her apartment after deciphering her confusing directions, which was a complete downer/turn off in and of itself, and scaled the stairs to enter her cat urine scented living quarters. Strike one. She had become a cat lady. We exchanged greetings and long time no sees. She immediately turned to procure a bottle of rum from the cabinet at which point I noticed she no longer had the enormous bubble butt I had always fancied. Strike two. The rum was all fine and dandy until her incessant banter lead me to drink myself into complete oblivion. The second she realized I wasn't listening (probably wasn't even coherent) and had consumed three fourths of the handle, she jumped on my lap and delved her tounge deep into the depths of my throat. I halfway came out of my stupor enough to push her head towards my groin. She ripped my pants off with enthusiasm and immediately began sucking my half mass johnson. I wasn't feeling it all that much until she looked up into my eyes with my cock in her mouth, which brought me to full attention. At that moment she swiftly removed her panties and literally made an arial leap onto my dick and subsequently, while bouncing on it, released a series of high pitched screeches and wails. Not sexy screeches and wails, but painful, terrifying, murderous screeches and wails. Seriously, so loud I must have gone into fight or flight mode. I felt like the guy who fucked a monkey and invented AIDS. I was boneing a primate. Strike three. I leaned my head on the back of the couch and turned it away to avoid being deafened by the caucophony of jungle howls, and within seconds I came inside of her. I don't know if I did it out of fear, or just wanting to wash my hands of the incident, but never the less I immediately realized I could have just impregnated this wild creature. She dismounted and I stumbled off to wash my junk in her bathroom sink. Everything smelled like cat piss. I hit my head on the medicine cabinet, and in my drunken delirium, was forced to hold back a bubbling cauldron of vomit.

Upon returning to the living room I saw that she had folded the couch out into a futon style bed and was laying on her side, already half asleep. I hesitantly layed down on my back beside her. She rolled over and whispered in my ear: " If you feel like it later, I want you to fuck me from behind with that big cock. Its bigger than anything im used to..."
She rolled over and went to sleep. Half of me wanted to wake her up and just hate fuck the shit out of her from behind, but at that point I was too drunk to do anything of the sort. I ended up beating off on her leather computer chair and driving the 45 minutes home completely shithoused just to avoid seeing her in the morning. Luckily I didn't fertilize her eggs.
[close]

gold.
fatcockXL deserves to be mod on the strength of his name alone

Frank the Rabbit

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Re: pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations
« Reply #275 on: March 17, 2011, 10:23:02 AM »
Alright, this one was with my first girlfreind.

It started off innocent enough, her parents were gone and we decided to take a shower. After a little pole play, i decided to slip it in the pink. I'm taxin' that ass doggie style and says that she wants me to fuck her in her 2-spot.  I oblige. But first, I want to get the lube out of her room to make it easier on her. So I hop out of the shower, full boner mind you (it's just funny walking around with a big ol' stiffy) and get the lube out of her top drawer of her nightstand. I get back in and slather up my penis with the lube then I get prepared for the journey into what separates the men from the elite group who have traveled the proverbial "hershey highway". She bends over and I start coaxing it in, like a gentleman. As soon as I break the seal, she screams "OH MY GOD! PULL IT OUT!!!" and I do so. As soon as i pull out, she hits the deck, smashing her head on the tile wall. I start cracking up, at the thought of what just happened. I finally stop laughing and slap her awake to which she replies "oh my god, that was the most painful thing I've ever felt." I laugh some more and get out of the shower, still with a boner.

But what I have gained from this experience is this; I made someone pass out with my penis and not too many people can say that.

I've got another story i'll post about an explosion of fluids later tonight. I'm going to Applebees.

Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
I'm so high right now, what's going on??

Tale Crab

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Re: pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations
« Reply #276 on: March 17, 2011, 11:00:43 AM »
^ It's called Frank for fuck's sake.

jackherer

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Re: pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations
« Reply #277 on: March 17, 2011, 11:49:26 AM »
met this girl at a party like 6 months back. After a while we start chillin like on the regular and she would come to my dorm and watch movies and cuddle and shit. shit's goin real good and what not, she aint no slut so i dont force the situation, on what ended up our final late-night movie session she starts cuddlin with me hardcore (idk if that makes sense) but she started grabbin on to me and shit, mind you I like this girl a lot and i kinda freeze and dont know what to do and basically reject all her advances. looking back im pretty sure she wanted some dick. anyway she got an apartment at the start of this semester...haven't heard too much from her since.

dude you suuuck

Frank the Rabbit

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Re: pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations
« Reply #278 on: March 17, 2011, 12:14:50 PM »
^ It's called Frank for fuck's sake.
Oh fuck, you're onto me ain't you?

Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
I'm so high right now, what's going on??

H8R part 4

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Re: pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations
« Reply #279 on: March 26, 2011, 12:52:01 PM »
Expand Quote
flew to finland from holland once to meet up with a girl i met in barcelona, turned out she had gotten back together with her boyfriend in the meantime so i didn't get any. weird thing was she was pretty much begging me to come to finland and see her. flight was about 300 euro's. i saw her a year later in barcelona again, she looked really malnourished. i think she has an eating disorder.
[close]

i had something similar happen to me but i flew out to LA.  
this girl who worked for me that moved out there hit me up a couple of days before i was going to see my homey.  i wanted to bang this girl for a minute but she worked for me so it was unethical(i've made the mistake before and didn't want to go through with it again) but shes hitting me up out of the blue and telling me to come check her so i'm thinking, i'm in like flynn!  
so i kick it with my homey for a few days when she hits me up and says she coming to get me, awesome!  i do all the pre-date shit, make sure my breath doesn't stink, test wipe my ass, that kind of shit.  so an hour goes by and there shes is....with her motherfuckin man....FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUU!  
i didn't have much of a choice but to go with them so i spent an uneventful evening drinking in their apartment and broke out early the next day.  on the bright side, i did find a porno mag in their bathroom and rubbed one out before leaving but thats more of a real confession, haha!  



so i'm quoting this story because this very girl just hit me up an hour ago saying shes in NYC and wants to hang out. 
shes married to the dude this time...WTF!  why does it seem that girls can't grasp the fact that dudes don't want to be friends, we just want to fuck. 
i see this evening ending in failure but i'm not putting in any effort outside of taking a subway.
 

Doogie Howser Ph.D.

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Re: pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations
« Reply #280 on: March 26, 2011, 01:35:23 PM »
chick queefed in face, kept going

L33Tg33k

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Re: pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations
« Reply #281 on: March 27, 2011, 01:30:19 AM »
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
flew to finland from holland once to meet up with a girl i met in barcelona, turned out she had gotten back together with her boyfriend in the meantime so i didn't get any. weird thing was she was pretty much begging me to come to finland and see her. flight was about 300 euro's. i saw her a year later in barcelona again, she looked really malnourished. i think she has an eating disorder.
[close]

i had something similar happen to me but i flew out to LA.  
this girl who worked for me that moved out there hit me up a couple of days before i was going to see my homey.  i wanted to bang this girl for a minute but she worked for me so it was unethical(i've made the mistake before and didn't want to go through with it again) but shes hitting me up out of the blue and telling me to come check her so i'm thinking, i'm in like flynn!  
so i kick it with my homey for a few days when she hits me up and says she coming to get me, awesome!  i do all the pre-date shit, make sure my breath doesn't stink, test wipe my ass, that kind of shit.  so an hour goes by and there shes is....with her motherfuckin man....FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUU!  
i didn't have much of a choice but to go with them so i spent an uneventful evening drinking in their apartment and broke out early the next day.  on the bright side, i did find a porno mag in their bathroom and rubbed one out before leaving but thats more of a real confession, haha!  


[close]

so i'm quoting this story because this very girl just hit me up an hour ago saying shes in NYC and wants to hang out.  
shes married to the dude this time...WTF!  why does it seem that girls can't grasp the fact that dudes don't want to be friends, we just want to fuck.  
i see this evening ending in failure but i'm not putting in any effort outside of taking a subway.
  
Yeah, man, that's the way to do it.  You don't gotta do anything special for her.  No need to shower, brush your teeth, put on deordorant, wipe your ass or any of that other fay ass sissy bullshit this time because it'll be just like any other uneventful day.
Before you say the music sucked, have you considered shutting the fuck up?

GISM

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Re: pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations
« Reply #282 on: March 27, 2011, 01:49:48 AM »
Quote from: Doogie Howser  link=topic=50090.msg1412083#msg1412083 date=1301171723
chick queefed in face, kept going
Queefing is hilarious. Sometimes I'll do it on purpose and you know you got a cool one if they laugh with you.

worldclassflux

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Re: pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations
« Reply #283 on: March 27, 2011, 01:56:45 AM »
if it just comes down to busting a nut, id say around the last 5 times ive had sex i havent been able to bust... and i think i know why. at first i thought it felt like my dick is was losing sensitivity or some shit, but after a while i figured out that it was because my girls vagina gets extremely wet. its like the harder you fuck, the easier it should be to bust, right? not with this girl, the harder you fuck, the less you can feel anything. imagine putting your dick in a glass of warm water with nothing for friction

You idiot! Hit her up!

tag_king

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Re: pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations
« Reply #284 on: March 27, 2011, 12:11:25 PM »
First time poster in this thread. Here goes:

So a couple years back I was in a real on again off again relationship. I had some very dark nights on the town in the midst of getting back together with this chick, so any opportunities I would have for a wasted hook up, I took full advantage of.

There is this epic slut in Toronto, who I am pretty sure every person that posts here from Toronto has a story about. Either way, I end up at this chicks place, in her room. She gets on top of me and starts making out hard. I am feeling up her ass and start going down the back of her pants. I didn't even rub her pussy before I started fingering her ass. After fingering her butt for a minute or so, I had a moment of clarity that over powered the alcohol/pills/whatever I had ingested that night: Is a girl that is allowing me to finger her butt, while we are both fully clothed, that has fucked all of your friends, really worth the trouble? The answer is no.

I pulled my finger out of her calamari ring and bailed home like this:


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Re: pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations
« Reply #285 on: March 27, 2011, 12:28:40 PM »
First time poster in this thread. Here goes:

So a couple years back I was in a real on again off again relationship. I had some very dark nights on the town in the midst of getting back together with this chick, so any opportunities I would have for a wasted hook up, I took full advantage of.

There is this epic slut in Toronto, who I am pretty sure every person that posts here from Toronto has a story about. Either way, I end up at this chicks place, in her room. She gets on top of me and starts making out hard. I am feeling up her ass and start going down the back of her pants. I didn't even rub her pussy before I started fingering her ass. After fingering her butt for a minute or so, I had a moment of clarity that over powered the alcohol/pills/whatever I had ingested that night: Is a girl that is allowing me to finger her butt, while we are both fully clothed, that has fucked all of your friends, really worth the trouble? The answer is no.



well, there?s your fault. if i was your dick, i would be pretty damn pissed. also, maybe small.

steve

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Re: pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations
« Reply #286 on: March 27, 2011, 12:38:15 PM »
First time poster in this thread. Here goes:

So a couple years back I was in a real on again off again relationship. I had some very dark nights on the town in the midst of getting back together with this chick, so any opportunities I would have for a wasted hook up, I took full advantage of.

There is this epic slut in Toronto, who I am pretty sure every person that posts here from Toronto has a story about. Either way, I end up at this chicks place, in her room. She gets on top of me and starts making out hard. I am feeling up her ass and start going down the back of her pants. I didn't even rub her pussy before I started fingering her ass. After fingering her butt for a minute or so, I had a moment of clarity that over powered the alcohol/pills/whatever I had ingested that night: Is a girl that is allowing me to finger her butt, while we are both fully clothed, that has fucked all of your friends, really worth the trouble? The answer is no.

I pulled my finger out of her calamari ring and bailed home like this:



no failure there, homie. since you decided to forgo the vag, that finger wasn't lubed up with her juices and that means you were messing with one seriously loose pooper. poopers like that might open up and explode gonorrhea diarrhea all over your dick if it made its way in there.

 

tag_king

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Re: pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations
« Reply #287 on: March 27, 2011, 12:51:04 PM »
Yeah, that was more of a pathetic story. It was a bender ender too. It made me appreciate my ex and the special occasions that ass play is allowed.

poopmonkey

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Re: pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations
« Reply #288 on: March 27, 2011, 03:03:30 PM »
Expand Quote
if it just comes down to busting a nut, id say around the last 5 times ive had sex i havent been able to bust... and i think i know why. at first i thought it felt like my dick is was losing sensitivity or some shit, but after a while i figured out that it was because my girls vagina gets extremely wet. its like the harder you fuck, the easier it should be to bust, right? not with this girl, the harder you fuck, the less you can feel anything. imagine putting your dick in a glass of warm water with nothing for friction
[close]

sounds more like you got a small cock, haha!

if shes that wet, just pull out, use her shirt to wipe the pussy juice off your cock and go back in.
that or hit the backdoor.     
spot on

Joe Pesci

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Re: pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations
« Reply #289 on: March 27, 2011, 03:18:35 PM »
i have no idea why i said "my girl" instead of something like "this girl im seeing" or "this girl im doing things with right now", but she definitely wasnt my girlfriend, and has since been broke the fuck off. you just cant stay with a girl who cant even make you bust. it might sound counter productive, but this experience has helped me to learn that you gotta fuck them before you date them

saucy ragu

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Re: pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations
« Reply #290 on: March 27, 2011, 09:00:43 PM »
My on-again-off-again ex and I were moving back into on-again territory on her bed one fall evening. I lay myself out as she pulls down my Looms, and put my head back as she begins kissing me all over my pelvic vicinity. This girl worked it well, licked up the fernum and the base of the shaft with equal fervor. A blowjob genius, until tonight--I don't know what the fuck she was thinking on this night. I raise my head to enjoy the view, and at the same time she notices an ingrown hair in the tender spot between the leg and ballsack, but slightly higher. Without hesitation, with dick in mouth, she pops it. Commence yelling and berating by me, crying and fetal position in the furthest corner of the bed from me by her. This continues for close to 15 minutes before I realize I want that blowjob finished. She can't be moved, and would rather talk about our situation than continue an emotionless fuck, which is all I ever wanted in the first place. By now, I've realized that a woman's desire to pop a pimple/ingrown hair is like tossing a ball into a yard full of cats for a dog to catch--they can't not do it.
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Re: pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations
« Reply #291 on: March 27, 2011, 09:14:06 PM »
Quote from: Doogie Howser  link=topic=50090.msg1412083#msg1412083 date=1301171723
Expand Quote
chick queefed in face, kept going
[close]
Queefing is hilarious. Sometimes I'll do it on purpose and you know you got a cool one if they laugh with you.

Wait, you're a girl? And you can do that on purpose?

Doogie Howser Ph.D.

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Re: pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations
« Reply #292 on: March 27, 2011, 09:14:57 PM »
Whaaaaa???

HyperBeam

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Re: pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations
« Reply #293 on: March 28, 2011, 12:38:56 AM »
i poked a girl on facebook a couple days ago. she hasn't poked back.

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Re: pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations
« Reply #294 on: April 10, 2011, 10:37:42 PM »
Glad someone revived this thread.
Last weekend I pathetically failed at an attempt towards a sexual relation, but before I explain what went down there's some back story to it...
About a year and a half ago I hooked up with a random girl a few times I remember seeing in high school but never really knew until a drunken Christmas party at a bar. We got to know each other and I told her a lot of intimate shit I don't normally tell people which got her to open up a lot to me. She told me some info that led me to believe she was secretly a lesbian in denial. For example...
-Made out and touched vags with another girl when she was prepubescent
-Had wet dreams about her ex roommate who was a ridiculously hot lesbian
-Had boned about 20 dudes and never had an orgasm
-The fact that every time we boned, she would just lie there with her eyes closed looking uncomfortable. For someone with such experience with dick, she was a terrible lay.

So one night we go out to a bar. Some random pretty hot drunk girl walks up to us, "blaw blaw blaw I'm a lesbian." Directly after she says this I go, "Oh yeah? She is too!" pointing to the girl I was dating next to me, (this was before she ever fully admitted to me she was part homo which means I pretty much put her on blast.) Instead of her denying it, she just sat there smiling. They made out that night, and long story short they hooked up maybe a month later giving my friend her first orgasm. Later found out the lesbian was a full blooded crazy alcoholic.

Fast forward to last weekend I'm at Buffalo Wild Wings with a couple friends having wings and a beer. I look to my left and it's the lesbian chick with a lesbian friend of hers sitting down at the bar next to us. I say "hi" and casually continue eating with my friends not thinking much of it. Maybe 10 minutes later she leans over to me and asks me how the girl I used to date is. We make small talk and she buys me a bigass Hef, stoking me out. I continue to mingle with my friends not thinking much of it, next thing I know she buys me another beer...then another...then another. Lesbian chick gets me full on drunk, so I figure I need to investigate wtf is goin on in her head buyin me all this shit. One thing leads to another and I get kidnapped by the two lesbos who drag me into a Jersey Shore like club next door. Before I decide to full on ditch my friends I ask her "so are you a full on lesbo or are you bi?!" She confirms she's bi, so I get dragged into the bro club in chords and a baseball tee surrounded by a bunch of tools in striped button ups, hair gel, etc. They buy me another shot and a mixed drink...I'm completely shit faced at this point.

Finally the less hot lesbo drunkenly drives us about a block away to the hot ones apt. The less hot lesbo leaves for maybe 15 minutes to grab another handle from her house. While she's gone I start to make out with the hot one. She pulls my boner out in the kitchen, I'm ready to go, and seconds after it gets whipped out, homegirl walks in the front door and we gotta put that shit away real quick. We take another shot and hot lesbian suddenly turns into a crazy drunken bitch in a desperate attempt to get the other chick out so we could hump. This goes on for about a half hour and I just pretend to be passed out on the couch to stay out of it. Eventually she leaves...a detailed recollection of the events that follow are a little hazy considering how much we drank, but next thing I remember we're naked in her bed trying to put on a condom. Low and behold, the dreaded whiskey dick puts me out of commission and I pass out with my nut unbusted.

Next morning we wake up hungover in no mood to attempt the deed once more. I think her sobriety turned her fully gay again. Instead she tells me to text the girl I played wing-man for about a year earlier, "guess whose bed I'm in right now!" OG girl didn't think it was very funny. We thought it was hilarious. I think she just tried to fuck me to piss off OG girl or something. The End.



Mundungus

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Re: pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations
« Reply #295 on: April 15, 2011, 09:11:00 AM »
^gnarly

Whiskey dick is truely dreadful indeed. Just had it happen to me recently when I was trying to hobo style hook up in an outdoor shower at the beach.

tobey

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Re: pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations
« Reply #296 on: April 15, 2011, 08:10:55 PM »
been talking to this girl for about a couple of weeks, took her to the movie and saw your highness (movie sucked) paid for the tickets and popcorn and got herself a slurpie. we went back to my house and was making moves in till she said :wait i really just want to be friends". i told her to get out

crackrazor

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Re: pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations
« Reply #297 on: April 15, 2011, 08:13:52 PM »
Well played, tobey.

Doogie Howser Ph.D.

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Re: pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations
« Reply #298 on: April 15, 2011, 08:18:31 PM »
Tobey's my hero for the weekend.

Me and this chick were in her room about to  fuck when all of a sudden her fatass little brother walks in and asks for quarter..  I told him to go away I'm trying to fuck your sister...  It didnt work

DEDBBIS

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Re: pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations
« Reply #299 on: April 15, 2011, 10:11:42 PM »
Quote from: Doogie Howser  link=topic=50090.msg1427447#msg1427447 date=1302923911
Tobey's my hero for the weekend.

Me and this flit were in his room about to  fuck when all of a sudden his fatass little brother walks in and asks for quarter..  I told him to go away I'm trying to fuck your brother...  It didnt work
If you really are Neil Patrick Harris...

There ain't no shit on T.V. tonight