Author Topic: Red Lobster  (Read 1465 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

doomstation55

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • SLAP Pal
  • ******
  • Posts: 5491
  • Rep: 882
  • ಠ_ಠ
    • [b]TEAM DOOM MS 2018[/b] avatar image
Red Lobster
« on: February 19, 2013, 04:47:11 PM »
Everyone knows that an evening at Red Lobster is no small affair. I press my jeans, put on my finest hair product, and drench myself in a musky cologne. Hell, I may even shine up my wing tipped shoes, for I am going to Red Lobster. I strut through the door with my finest lady on my arm and throw up two fingers to the Hostess. I glide past the lobster tank with ease knowing that yet again I will not be eating a red lobster at Red Lobster (who would). I take a seat and before the waiter asks us for our drinks I request 20 cheddar bay biscuits. It's such a bold move that music stops, glasses clink, and everyone in a 5 yard radius gasps in disbelief/shock. Even my company gives me a look of concern. The waiter says " s..sir are you sure?". I don't sweat one bit and I tell that waiter to step and make with the cbb's. he comes back with three baskets filled with biscuits (7 in 2 and 6 in another). I thank the waiter. Then I go straight baller!!!! I'm pounding biszcuits left and right. Smashing them in old dudes faces, rubbing them between my ladies titties, telling the waiter to fuck off. I cause a ruckus, only get cbb's, don't pay a dime, and leave with my girl plus three more.That's generally what happens every time I go to Red Lobster, I've gotten banned from 33 locations.

ChronicBluntSlider

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • SLAP Pal
  • ******
  • Posts: 1750
  • Rep: 76
  • Bronze Topic Start Bronze Topic Start : Start a topic with over 1,000 replies.
    Silver Topic Start Silver Topic Start : Start a topic with over 5,000 replies.
Re: Red Lobster
« Reply #1 on: February 19, 2013, 04:51:55 PM »


Do you need a wing man?

Greg Ostertag

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 245
  • Rep: 47
  • Trabajo sucio
Re: Red Lobster
« Reply #2 on: February 19, 2013, 04:56:04 PM »
I zahhhhhh'd.
Cold Ghengis

paraquat

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • SLAP Pal
  • ******
  • Posts: 4159
  • Rep: 200
  • SLAP OG SLAP OG : Been around since SLAP was a mag.
Re: Red Lobster
« Reply #3 on: February 19, 2013, 04:59:04 PM »

ogcoors

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 259
  • Rep: -69
Re: Red Lobster
« Reply #4 on: February 19, 2013, 05:10:06 PM »
You are indeed ballin'. Once I knew a jackrabbit, called out 29 bizkits, ate 27. The cook took him outback and broke his jaw and told him if he even thought about a lobster for a meal again, he was gonna find him and give him his own version of crabsoup.

Wtf does this have to do with skating man, gtfoh

krookedjuice

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 976
  • Rep: 30
Re: Red Lobster
« Reply #5 on: February 19, 2013, 05:19:15 PM »
Everyone knows that an evening at Red Lobster is no small affair. I press my jeans, put on my finest hair product, and drench myself in a musky cologne. Hell, I may even shine up my wing tipped shoes, for I am going to Red Lobster. I strut through the door with my finest lady on my arm and throw up two fingers to the Hostess. I glide past the lobster tank with ease knowing that yet again I will not be eating a red lobster at Red Lobster (who would). I take a seat and before the waiter asks us for our drinks I request 20 cheddar bay biscuits. It's such a bold move that music stops, glasses clink, and everyone in a 5 yard radius gasps in disbelief/shock. Even my company gives me a look of concern. The waiter says " s..sir are you sure?". I don't sweat one bit and I tell that waiter to step and make with the cbb's. he comes back with three baskets filled with biscuits (7 in 2 and 6 in another). I thank the waiter. Then I go straight baller!!!! I'm pounding biszcuits left and right. Smashing them in old dudes faces, rubbing them between my ladies titties, telling the waiter to fuck off. I cause a ruckus, only get cbb's, don't pay a dime, and leave with my girl plus three more.That's generally what happens every time I go to Red Lobster, I've gotten banned from 33 locations.

Incredible. there's at least 3 red lobsters all within 20 minutes of each other, you could have a field day out here.

steenz

  • Guest
Re: Red Lobster
« Reply #6 on: February 19, 2013, 05:35:03 PM »
Red Lobster is so dank ima go there now. ima go ham on some cheddar biscuits but im gonna eat some lobster too

nutsack nipples

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 118
  • Rep: 8
Re: Red Lobster
« Reply #7 on: February 19, 2013, 05:52:54 PM »
Red lobster uses an air freshener modeled after the scent of a 19th century alcoholic prostitute's vagina

True story


Mundungus

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • SLAP Pal
  • ******
  • Posts: 1270
  • Rep: 59
  • ∆∆∆
Re: Red Lobster
« Reply #9 on: February 19, 2013, 06:27:44 PM »
I knew this came from reddit or some shit but I thought funny

Will Easley

  • Guest
Re: Red Lobster
« Reply #10 on: February 19, 2013, 06:31:04 PM »
man niggas is straight trash copy/pasting this fictional ass stories. back in my prime ya boy used to come thru with that original shit that was actually good, but nah now the game all fucked up. no class. mo integrity. no originality. tis a sad sight to be behold for a former SLAP Pal.
« Last Edit: February 19, 2013, 06:37:55 PM by Will Easley »

steenz

  • Guest
Re: Red Lobster
« Reply #11 on: February 19, 2013, 09:10:28 PM »
Just got back i went with my lil bro. i ate a bunch of biscuits and ordered the steak & lobster. it was expensive but worth it

otis shredding

  • Guest
Re: Red Lobster
« Reply #12 on: February 20, 2013, 12:24:06 AM »

Beer Keg Peg Leg

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • SLAP Pal
  • ******
  • Posts: 5336
  • Rep: -35
  • SLAP OG SLAP OG : Been around since SLAP was a mag.
Re: Red Lobster
« Reply #13 on: February 20, 2013, 12:35:52 AM »
man niggas is straight trash copy/pasting this fictional ass stories. back in my prime ya boy used to come thru with that original shit that was actually good, but nah now the game all fucked up. no class. mo integrity. no originality. tis a sad sight to be behold for a former SLAP Pal.

you are one of the worst posters in slap history, fuck off.

MeanestCleanestPenis

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 626
  • Rep: 40
Re: Red Lobster
« Reply #14 on: February 20, 2013, 06:00:49 AM »
I used to be friends with girl from Alabama called Barbie. She was the cutest, nicest girl you could ever meet but at the same time was weird as fuck, in a good way!

We used to get really high and she would talk about how it was her dream to manage a red lobster. Then I would ask her about the menu and she would list all the dishes in some weird voice as if they were some mystical creatures from middle earth. This drove my munchies to a new level and then we would always be bummed we couldn't go there(wrong country). I still have never been there.

Never smashed btw. She had this crazy phobia about getting pregnant and she told me she used to make her ex wear two condoms on top of her being on the pill. Put me off a bit.

Seamus_McShamebag

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • SLAP Pal
  • ******
  • Posts: 1368
  • Rep: 855
Re: Red Lobster
« Reply #15 on: February 20, 2013, 07:46:03 AM »
She had this crazy phobia about getting pregnant and she told me she used to make her ex wear two condoms on top of her being on the pill. Put me off a bit.
Sounds like you missed the opportunity to take a little guidance from the book of Mormon and request to see what was behind door #2...


ChronicBluntSlider

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • SLAP Pal
  • ******
  • Posts: 1750
  • Rep: 76
  • Bronze Topic Start Bronze Topic Start : Start a topic with over 1,000 replies.
    Silver Topic Start Silver Topic Start : Start a topic with over 5,000 replies.
Re: Red Lobster
« Reply #16 on: February 20, 2013, 09:25:02 AM »
I used to be friends with girl from Alabama called Barbie. She was the cutest, nicest girl you could ever meet but at the same time was weird as fuck, in a good way!

We used to get really high and she would talk about how it was her dream to manage a red lobster. Then I would ask her about the menu and she would list all the dishes in some weird voice as if they were some mystical creatures from middle earth. This drove my munchies to a new level and then we would always be bummed we couldn't go there(wrong country). I still have never been there.

Never smashed btw. She had this crazy phobia about getting pregnant and she told me she used to make her ex wear two condoms on top of her being on the pill. Put me off a bit.

Supposedly that causes friction between the two condoms and is less safe than using one.

Hobochilli

  • Mods
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • SLAP Pal
  • ******
  • Posts: 2460
  • Rep: 308
  • SLAP OG SLAP OG : Been around since SLAP was a mag.
    Bronze Topic Start Bronze Topic Start : Start a topic with over 1,000 replies.
Re: Red Lobster
« Reply #17 on: February 20, 2013, 11:21:09 AM »
man niggas is straight trash copy/pasting this fictional ass stories. back in my prime ya boy used to come thru with that original shit that was actually good, but nah now the game all fucked up. no class. mo integrity. no originality. tis a sad sight to be behold for a former SLAP Pal.
You never had a prime, Fuck off

steenz

  • Guest
Re: Red Lobster
« Reply #18 on: February 20, 2013, 11:51:18 AM »
looks like Will has some fans

Merked

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • SLAP Pal
  • ******
  • Posts: 1373
  • Rep: -157
Re: Red Lobster
« Reply #19 on: February 20, 2013, 12:54:31 PM »
First time I have read this.  Even if it is copy pasta.  I loled.
I suck at SLAP.

Will Easley

  • Guest
Re: Red Lobster
« Reply #20 on: February 20, 2013, 02:41:07 PM »
looks like Will has some fans

Shit is hilarious. I guess you could say my past reputation precedes me. Either way, my influence on these boards since i first got on has been undeniable. what be killin me is how niggas act like im so petty or unintelligent, yet manage to let me get under their skin as deep as i do. like, why is niggas even catchin feelings b? are they mad because they take me seriously when i post the least serious shit on the least serious message board? i just don't get it.

Also @  oldeath that avatar is a fucking gag. shit had me dying when i first saw it last night. Regardless of whether its a parody or whatever I like seeing the things that i come up with used by others for their own means. that is after all, part of the plan  ;)

tangar

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • SLAP Pal
  • ******
  • Posts: 2055
  • Rep: 64
  • THINK LESS
Re: Red Lobster
« Reply #21 on: February 20, 2013, 03:13:59 PM »
Expand Quote
man niggas is straight trash copy/pasting this fictional ass stories. back in my prime ya boy used to come thru with that original shit that was actually good, but nah now the game all fucked up. no class. mo integrity. no originality. tis a sad sight to be behold for a former SLAP Pal.
[close]

you are one of the worst posters in slap history, fuck off.
fo real doe
Man the long board truck thing killed indy for me. I was willing to set aside the racism, but long boarding, gtfo... - DH

Clive Burr

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 48
  • Rep: -4
Re: Red Lobster
« Reply #22 on: February 20, 2013, 04:24:32 PM »
...hit joes crab shack next...

Mundungus

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • SLAP Pal
  • ******
  • Posts: 1270
  • Rep: 59
  • ∆∆∆
Re: Red Lobster
« Reply #23 on: February 20, 2013, 06:26:23 PM »
Expand Quote
looks like Will has some fans
[close]

Shit is hilarious. I guess you could say my past reputation precedes me. Either way, my influence on these boards since i first got on has been undeniable. what be killin me is how niggas act like im so petty or unintelligent, yet manage to let me get under their skin as deep as i do. like, why is niggas even catchin feelings b? are they mad because they take me seriously when i post the least serious shit on the least serious message board? i just don't get it.

Also @  oldeath that avatar is a fucking gag. shit had me dying when i first saw it last night. Regardless of whether its a parody or whatever I like seeing the things that i come up with used by others for their own means. that is after all, part of the plan  ;)

You've got it all backwards. I like you because of how ridiculous you sound