real confessions

[FART BOY]

all you fucking assholes who claim you have social anxiety and all this bullshit you need to stop being such fucking pussies and be men!
i'm sure someones going to come back at me because of my last post but god damnit... to other people, your social anxiety just comes off as pretentious and petty. trust me i know from experience a lot more people have not liked me because i was all closed off. but when i just act all goofy and don't really give a shit what people think about me, they love me. maybe to them my company is more entertainment than anything but i'd rather be a jester than a god damned fool.

It sounds like you're the fool either way

[Joe Pesci]

i dont think im going to talk to/associate myself with anyone in my immediate family anymore except my little brother... so pretty much nothing will change from the way it was before, we only had minor socialization ever since i was little. its like dealing with people that you want to like but no matter how hard you try or think maybe things will work out for the better, these people do nothing but hurt you

[DMH]

My girlfriend and I have sex between 3 and 5 times a week, but I find myself masturbating all the time anyway. It's sort of like I need to keep that part of my sexuality active, regardless of how often I'm having what is actually really, really good sex. Maybe addicted to it? Maybe just a male with a strong libido? Either way, it makes me feel very guilty.

I don't think I've used this thread enough. I've got plenty for it.

[jimi420]

My girlfriend and I have sex between 3 and 5 times a week, but I find myself masturbating all the time anyway. It's sort of like I need to keep that part of my sexuality active, regardless of how often I'm having what is actually really, really good sex. Maybe addicted to it? Maybe just a male with a strong libido? Either way, it makes me feel very guilty.

I don't think I've used this thread enough. I've got plenty for it.

Dude don't feel guilty for jerkin your yerkin. Ashamedly beatin your dick is the most pathetic of the pathetic. Embrace it!

[ivegotlevitation]

just had sex for the first time last night.

[Mundungus]

just had sex for the first time last night.

Congratulations man! ! ! !


and as for a confession of my own I smoke too many roxies but it hasnt really been fucking up my shit.

[MostlyLurkin']

I buy to much clothes

[MeanestCleanestPenis]

I've been through the whole anxiety and panic attacks thing, it is real and is fucking horrible. Weed was a big trigger for me but I was also drinking like a maniac at the time. It got really bad after I took an E that was full of acid though, was tripping my head off. Luckily one of my mates who is not really into all that shit stayed up with me until about 10 in the morning while I drank beers and tried to come down a bit. Would not have liked to have gone through that alone.

It took me about a year to get back to normal, I was on paxil and spent loads of money going to this phycotherapist who helped me loads. Luckily I was earning okay at the time and the guy was super cool. The problem is that your friends and family, however well intentioned, usually don't understand what your going through and give shitty advice. I went totally clean for 6 months and skated loads, I also found out in this time that my thyriod was totally fucked which may have been the problem all along. 1 year later I was feeling really good despite having put loads of weight on; I did the Chris Moltisanti thing and became addicted to cola, ice coffees and chocolate.

I drink now but way less than before and apart from having done coke about 3 times in the last 5 years I've stayed away from illegal drugs including weed. I don't think my example is a perfect one, I probably shouldn't drink. If you want to tackle the issues you have I think you really have to do it with a clear head, I really believe weed is quite alot more harmful than people think and should definitely be avoided by people with anxiety issues. You will see the light if you put in some work though, I was in a pretty dark place and now things are looking up again so if I can do it I am sure others can. Good luck   

Expand Quote

I think im about to get myself a girlfriend.. I've been hanging out with this chick for several months now, and shit is getting real. Its both wonderful and fucking scary. Why you say? Because I fear that I wont be able to smoke as much weed and skate as much as I want to. Fuck. Maybe I should grow up? Or maybe not? Damnit

[close]

growing up is an illusion, it can be done but its pointless. its best to handle your responsibilities effectivley but keep the mindset of a child where anything can be fun and everyday is an adventure.

This is great advice!! Growing up does not mean you have to become serious, grumpy or jaded!

[Unbridled Technical Precision]

Long roads, tunnel vision, the tension in this place is high.  As we all peer forward into what seems to be nothingness we are also completely aware of our surroundings.  Trapped in a box that reads 100 mph, yet I swear we aren?t moving at all.  Our minds begin tricking us, hours are minutes and minutes are hours, the concept of time is out of the same window I?ve been intermittently sticking my head out of.  As the lack of light has caused our pupils to dilate to the maximum circumference, I?ve realized  that we?ve become all too settled in to our temporary surroundings.  Even when the sun rises and we arrive at our destination, it shouldn?t be but a matter of hours before we?re back in our wormhole.  The empty road is something we all love and hate, but no matter how we feel, we end up back on it.  Chills run up my back every time the night falls because I foresee the madness that awaits. Cold, empty, and lonely yet free, excited, oblivious, and raw. We all became comfortable and acclimated to the road in our own way, and a white metal box was the shuttle that kept us together.

[ice nine]

If you are gonna copy and paste shit then just make your own thread, don't try and ruin this one.

I can't look anyone at all in the eyes anymore, so much guilt and self loathing. Plus I hate being pitiful(think that's the word).its a vicious cycle.

A more positive confession, I just learned the term 'virtuous circle' yesterday and it made me smile

[Omamori]

Well I finally ended everything with my ex. Since November we were talking more and getting along. Then today she did some shit that made me realize she's a waste of time. Teasing me about how much she cares and some other bullshit. I told her I'm taking her out of my life forever, she thinks I'm bluffing but little does she know.

Not sure if I feel good or sad...it's for the better anyways.

[chockfullofthat]

^^Ended everything eh?  Good luck.  My ex still calls me from across the country every 1-2 months...some 3 years later.  Sometimes it's in small bursts of 3 nights or just 1. She's a fucking temptress.  I answer the phone so I'm an idiot.  She insists on telling me about her sex life and eventually is able to get me to talk about mine.  She'll say how much she misses me and wants me to fly out to see her.  I'm very attracted to her still and the situation occasionally makes me delusional or depressed.  I know she's a crazy bitch and it would be ridiculous of me to fly out there to fuck her for 3 days then return to my normal life...but it's tempting.  Haha.

[Omamori]

Yeah, I have too. Other than checking my facebook she wouldnt do anything crazy. I was the one that made the mistake to keep in touch. I just need to meet some girls or find some type of social circle to be apart of to get over her. I'm still attracted to her but oh well. She's not the only girl out there.

[HeadInLionsMouth]

Yeah, I have too. Other than checking my facebook she wouldnt do anything crazy. I was the one that made the mistake to keep in touch. I just need to meet some girls or find some type of social circle to be apart of to get over her. I'm still attracted to her but oh well. She's not the only girl out there.

I'm honestly struggling with this more than I'd like to admit.  There's another girl I'm crushing on pretty hard.  She's great and I like her a ton, but I still think about my ex a lot.  For no particular reason or trigger too. It's really annoying and kind of depressing.

[ice nine]

^^Ended everything eh?  Good luck.  My ex still calls me from across the country every 1-2 months...some 3 years later.  Sometimes it's in small bursts of 3 nights or just 1. She's a fucking temptress.  I answer the phone so I'm an idiot.  She insists on telling me about her sex life and eventually is able to get me to talk about mine.  She'll say how much she misses me and wants me to fly out to see her.  I'm very attracted to her still and the situation occasionally makes me delusional or depressed.  I know she's a crazy bitch and it would be ridiculous of me to fly out there to fuck her for 3 days then return to my normal life...but it's tempting.  Haha.

a co-worker of mine(30 at the time) flew from vancouver to some city in japan every year for two weeks, where he fucked, stayed with and was taken care of by a 50 year old married lady that he met years ago. his reasoning was that he wasnt getting any here. Her husband also had one arm and was some martial arts champion and just let the co-worker stay with them/fuck his wife. now he is married to a mail order bride from the phillipines.

[chockfullofthat]

That's pretty fucked up.  He must have had a good job to be able to do that.  Probably an ugly bastard too.  I believe that the husband let that shit happen...Japan is so much different than America.  Crazy story.

[LewAlcindor]

This time 3 years ago my life went to pure shit in about 3 seconds. I had the sickest life- I was 17, I was one of the most popular dudes at my school, I had a hot girlfriend, and I was a multi-sport varsity athlete. Something was missing still and that was skateboarding. I always liked two things as a kid skating and basketball, but my dad forced me to play basketball in high school so I never got to skate past 8th grade. I started for the basketball and volleyball team at my school and was a really well known, respected member of my town. Which I thought was hilarious because none of them knew I hated playing for the school and was a total pothead on my free time.

After my coaches told me I had a chance to play college basketball, I started playing more and training and taking things more seriously. During a pickup game I went up for a dunk and some jackass I had played against in high school thought it would be cool to take out my legs mid-air and I landed on both wrists. I shook it off then but a week later found out I had broken both wrists. This sent me into such a rage after about a month with both hands casted, I lost it. I broke up with my girlfriend, started ditching school to smoke all day, and stopped caring about shit. After barely graduating high school I started experimenting with coke and ecstasy and picked up a pretty bad drinking habit.
   
Right before my first year of college I got my casts off and I started getting into shrooms and acid and failed all of my classes because I was ditching to drink, smoke weed, and skate all day. For one of my homies birthday we all decided to do shrooms in the local forest but when we left my buddy and I got pulled over with about a quad of leftover shrooms, a scale, and about a half oz. of bud. We had to spend the night in the drunk tank on a headful of shrooms each. Pretty much lost my mind. A few days later I was out bombing hills with some friends and I got caught up on some gravel and rebroke my wrist.

That was when I started getting into Oxycontin. That shit is directly from hell itself. A few of my other druggie friends got me into it after I told them how bad my wrist was hurting. Worst mistake ever. I dropped out of school my second year to do oxy. I worked several different minimum wage jobs and sold weed to keep my habit up but it wasnt enough. Thatss when I started stealing money from my family and selling everything I owned. Once my parents found out, they sent me to live in Peru with my grandparents for 2 months to sober up and figure out my life. I spent the whole two months drinking with my grandpa but at least I was off weed/drugs. I also started lurking slap around then too.   

This past summer I spent nearly every day just drinking and skating up until Fourth of July when I took too much acid and ended up alone in my room tripping out for about 10 hours. I had a complete mental breakdown but I decided then that I was gunna get my shit together and start succeeding in life. About a week later I landed a good job and have been working up until February when I found out my wrist was still broken and needed surgery to repair it.    
   
I am now a month into recovery and been completely sober but the aftermath is all hitting me at once. Ive lost basically all my friends, social skills, and mental health. I can no longer be in big groups of people unless im drinking and feel like i have developed some form of schizophrenia, depression, and social anxiety. Im not even 21 and ive completely torn apart my consciousness and alienated myself from my community. All I have to look forward to now is a minimum wage job and the collapse of America. I should just kill myself now.

I hope God reads slap.

[Cockaigne]

Damn, that's some real shit right there.

I don't know man, I can't say that I know what you're going through....
But at least you know that you fucked up and have (had?) problems. I guess that's the fist step. Get back on track, i'm sure there's something to live for. Anyway, quiting is for pussies.

[Bronson]

This time 3 years ago my life went to pure shit in about 3 seconds. I had the sickest life- I was 17, I was one of the most popular dudes at my school, I had a hot girlfriend, and I was a multi-sport varsity athlete. Something was missing still and that was skateboarding. I always liked two things as a kid skating and basketball, but my dad forced me to play basketball in high school so I never got to skate past 8th grade. I started for the basketball and volleyball team at my school and was a really well known, respected member of my town. Which I thought was hilarious because none of them knew I hated playing for the school and was a total pothead on my free time.

After my coaches told me I had a chance to play college basketball, I started playing more and training and taking things more seriously. During a pickup game I went up for a dunk and some jackass I had played against in high school thought it would be cool to take out my legs mid-air and I landed on both wrists. I shook it off then but a week later found out I had broken both wrists. This sent me into such a rage after about a month with both hands casted, I lost it. I broke up with my girlfriend, started ditching school to smoke all day, and stopped caring about shit. After barely graduating high school I started experimenting with coke and ecstasy and picked up a pretty bad drinking habit.
   
Right before my first year of college I got my casts off and I started getting into shrooms and acid and failed all of my classes because I was ditching to drink, smoke weed, and skate all day. For one of my homies birthday we all decided to do shrooms in the local forest but when we left my buddy and I got pulled over with about a quad of leftover shrooms, a scale, and about a half oz. of bud. We had to spend the night in the drunk tank on a headful of shrooms each. Pretty much lost my mind. A few days later I was out bombing hills with some friends and I got caught up on some gravel and rebroke my wrist.

That was when I started getting into Oxycontin. That shit is directly from hell itself. A few of my other druggie friends got me into it after I told them how bad my wrist was hurting. Worst mistake ever. I dropped out of school my second year to do oxy. I worked several different minimum wage jobs and sold weed to keep my habit up but it wasnt enough. Thatss when I started stealing money from my family and selling everything I owned. Once my parents found out, they sent me to live in Peru with my grandparents for 2 months to sober up and figure out my life. I spent the whole two months drinking with my grandpa but at least I was off weed/drugs. I also started lurking slap around then too.   

This past summer I spent nearly every day just drinking and skating up until Fourth of July when I took too much acid and ended up alone in my room tripping out for about 10 hours. I had a complete mental breakdown but I decided then that I was gunna get my shit together and start succeeding in life. About a week later I landed a good job and have been working up until February when I found out my wrist was still broken and needed surgery to repair it.    
   
I am now a month into recovery and been completely sober but the aftermath is all hitting me at once. Ive lost basically all my friends, social skills, and mental health. I can no longer be in big groups of people unless im drinking and feel like i have developed some form of schizophrenia, depression, and social anxiety. Im not even 21 and ive completely torn apart my consciousness and alienated myself from my community. All I have to look forward to now is a minimum wage job and the collapse of America. I should just kill myself now.

I hope God reads slap.

That was a really brave first post, congrats!

You just need to keep positive, keep working on your self, set some small goals and take one step at a time. Your super young and have so much time to better your life and meet new people/reconnect with the old ones. A lot of the negative stuff is most likely just in your head and can be dealt with, it will get better.

Loosing your shit over everything because of broken wrists sounds a bit extreme, you think there might have been some other underlying issues that made you do what you did? If so, have you dealt with them?

Social anxiety and depression suck, but you must just believe that there are people out there who care about you and love you/people who you dont yet know and who would really like you if they did. But you need to love yourself and accept you for you first!

Good luck dude! 

[David]

This time 3 years ago my life went to pure shit in about 3 seconds. I had the sickest life- I was 17, I was one of the most popular dudes at my school, I had a hot girlfriend, and I was a multi-sport varsity athlete. Something was missing still and that was skateboarding. I always liked two things as a kid skating and basketball, but my dad forced me to play basketball in high school so I never got to skate past 8th grade. I started for the basketball and volleyball team at my school and was a really well known, respected member of my town. Which I thought was hilarious because none of them knew I hated playing for the school and was a total pothead on my free time.

After my coaches told me I had a chance to play college basketball, I started playing more and training and taking things more seriously. During a pickup game I went up for a dunk and some jackass I had played against in high school thought it would be cool to take out my legs mid-air and I landed on both wrists. I shook it off then but a week later found out I had broken both wrists. This sent me into such a rage after about a month with both hands casted, I lost it. I broke up with my girlfriend, started ditching school to smoke all day, and stopped caring about shit. After barely graduating high school I started experimenting with coke and ecstasy and picked up a pretty bad drinking habit.
   
Right before my first year of college I got my casts off and I started getting into shrooms and acid and failed all of my classes because I was ditching to drink, smoke weed, and skate all day. For one of my homies birthday we all decided to do shrooms in the local forest but when we left my buddy and I got pulled over with about a quad of leftover shrooms, a scale, and about a half oz. of bud. We had to spend the night in the drunk tank on a headful of shrooms each. Pretty much lost my mind. A few days later I was out bombing hills with some friends and I got caught up on some gravel and rebroke my wrist.

That was when I started getting into Oxycontin. That shit is directly from hell itself. A few of my other druggie friends got me into it after I told them how bad my wrist was hurting. Worst mistake ever. I dropped out of school my second year to do oxy. I worked several different minimum wage jobs and sold weed to keep my habit up but it wasnt enough. Thatss when I started stealing money from my family and selling everything I owned. Once my parents found out, they sent me to live in Peru with my grandparents for 2 months to sober up and figure out my life. I spent the whole two months drinking with my grandpa but at least I was off weed/drugs. I also started lurking slap around then too.   

This past summer I spent nearly every day just drinking and skating up until Fourth of July when I took too much acid and ended up alone in my room tripping out for about 10 hours. I had a complete mental breakdown but I decided then that I was gunna get my shit together and start succeeding in life. About a week later I landed a good job and have been working up until February when I found out my wrist was still broken and needed surgery to repair it.    
   
I am now a month into recovery and been completely sober but the aftermath is all hitting me at once. Ive lost basically all my friends, social skills, and mental health. I can no longer be in big groups of people unless im drinking and feel like i have developed some form of schizophrenia, depression, and social anxiety. Im not even 21 and ive completely torn apart my consciousness and alienated myself from my community. All I have to look forward to now is a minimum wage job and the collapse of America. I should just kill myself now.

I hope God reads slap.

Being 21 there's much to look forward to. There must be some wisdom that you've gained from your experiences. Use that.

If you truly believe that you might have a mental disorder, bi-polar, manic-depression, borderline, or maybe even Schizophrenia, look into counseling,therapy, or do some research.  Some cities have free counselors set up on college campuses and other places. Look into it if you think you should.

There's a lot to this world that can be inspiring. Some people have a harder path to walk than others. Hopefully we can all understand ourselves and each other better because of it.

Thanks for sharing.

Keep posting.

Keep skating.

Welcome to the forum.

[LewAlcindor]

Loosing your shit over everything because of broken wrists sounds a bit extreme, you think there might have been some other underlying issues that made you do what you did? If so, have you dealt with them?

i had two casts that covered both thumbs for the last 3 1/2 months of my senior year. i had to have my parents bathe me in the shower and couldnt do simple tasks like write or carry anything. couldnt play video games, run, play sports, swim, or anything really. I just couldnt handle that all my friends and peers were having the time of their lives at the end of school while i was in misery.

Looking back on that now and my mentality then, my attitude caused me more problems in the long run but it was such a tough thing to deal with at the time

[LewAlcindor]

Thanks for all the replies guys it means a lot. Just typing that out took a lot of strength for me to muster up. Im going to do what i can to get some help now that its pretty apparent thats all i can do right now. Just knowing that there are people out there who care enough to write some encouraging words to a struggling stranger over the internet gives me a ton of hope.

[steve]

the lost mind/schizo feeling will fade with time. tripping to mask anxieties, fear, and depression only furthers those feelings of existence. I've kicked it like that when i was around your age. I was hit by a car at 19, broke my legs, brain damage, the works. Ate a lot of drugs in the interim. nothing worked at that time... PM me if you want to level out. either way, keep a PMA.

[ice nine]

dude toughen up. your problems are infinitely small, im depressed and have no friends/social disorder, its extremely hard but why would you ever want to die? you shouldnt need others validation either, and stop blaming others too. no one made you do drugs. plus your 'sick life' sounded pretty fucking lame. theres so much out there, and if you live in america or canada you are extremely lucky. didnt you notice in peru how everyone was happier and they live such simple lives? imagine how they would react if you explained your petty problems to them.

[LewAlcindor]

the lost mind/schizo feeling will fade with time. tripping to mask anxieties, fear, and depression only furthers those feelings of existence. I've kicked it like that when i was around your age. I was hit by a car at 19, broke my legs, brain damage, the works. Ate a lot of drugs in the interim. nothing worked at that time... PM me if you want to level out. either way, keep a PMA.

your definitely right about time fading that stuff but its rough man, still get these auditory hallucinations but ive been 6 months clean upstairs from the hard stuff and i have noticed some improvement.
That accident sounds shitty as fuck man how long has it been since?

[LewAlcindor]

dude toughen up. your problems are infinitely small, im depressed and have no friends/social disorder, its extremely hard but why would you ever want to die? you shouldnt need others validation either, and stop blaming others too. no one made you do drugs. plus your 'sick life' sounded pretty fucking lame. theres so much out there, and if you live in america or canada you are extremely lucky. didnt you notice in peru how everyone was happier and they live such simple lives? imagine how they would react if you explained your petty problems to them.

you do make some valid points and ill admit im not the only person with these kind of problems but ive never blamed anyone else for anything throughout these experiences.. my 'sick life' was pretty satisfying to me at that age, sorry if my happiness doesnt fit your description? and how the fuck would you know about anyone's life in Peru? have you been there? do you know anything about how they live? there exactly like us for the most part dude.. and why the fuck would i tell anyone my problems in real life? thats why im doing this here in the first place, to vent and possibly reach out to whoever cares enough to gives some positive feedback..

[steve]

Expand Quote

the lost mind/schizo feeling will fade with time. tripping to mask anxieties, fear, and depression only furthers those feelings of existence. I've kicked it like that when i was around your age. I was hit by a car at 19, broke my legs, brain damage, the works. Ate a lot of drugs in the interim. nothing worked at that time... PM me if you want to level out. either way, keep a PMA.

[close]

your definitely right about time fading that stuff but its rough man, still get these auditory hallucinations but ive been 6 months clean upstairs from the hard stuff and i have noticed some improvement.
That accident sounds shitty as fuck man how long has it been since?

the accident was gnar, but in the long run, it's been an experience in perseverance, learning, and confidence. It was 8 years ago on Saturday. Which is strange because I hadn't thought about it in a while. Saturday was a beautiful night too, almost subconsciously celebratory!

Also, hallucinations can take YEARS to fade away. If you're smoking ganja they will be far more pronounced and prevalent in your daily life. For me anyways, I hit a point where tripping a little bit, without taking anything, from time to time (trails, noises, etc) became the norm and i realized why it was happening. I learned that although it felt strange and inconvenient, there was nothing permanently wrong. I  just let myself move with it.

[Monty Burns]

I think Im picking bad girls to fall for . Girls already involved with somebody , girls with drug problems / on drugs , girls who dont have a good career or job at all , Girls that live far away . Not sure why I keep getting interested in these women cause nothing good ever really comes from it .

I should prob find some cute chick with a nice job who likes to go out but isnt a total pile , but it never seems to work out like that ...

[DaSk8D00D]

I think Im picking bad girls to fall for . Girls already involved with somebody , girls with drug problems / on drugs , girls who dont have a good career or job at all , Girls that live far away . Not sure why I keep getting interested in these women cause nothing good ever really comes from it .

I should prob find some cute chick with a nice job who likes to go out but isnt a total pile , but it never seems to work out like that ...

i fam i feel you on that shit. too many nickels and not enough dimes. you gotta really be on your shit to get a REAL woman nowadays, and theres a lot more hoes in pretty clothing as well

[Hercules Rockefeller]

I think Im picking bad girls to fall for . Girls already involved with somebody , girls with drug problems / on drugs , girls who dont have a good career or job at all , Girls that live far away . Not sure why I keep getting interested in these women cause nothing good ever really comes from it .

I should prob find some cute chick with a nice job who likes to go out but isnt a total pile , but it never seems to work out like that ...

count me in. for some reason i am always attracted to difficult women, whether its their life situation or if they are crazy or shit like that. maybe because its more challenging. or maybe because my dick is regular.