Author Topic: real confessions  (Read 1735222 times)

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Spitfire4life

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #4740 on: May 06, 2014, 07:46:44 PM »
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All my life something has been wrong with me. I've always been the weird kid that had no friends and was nothing special. I've always been extremely anti-social, not in the way I don't want to talk to people, in fact that's all I want, but in the way I couldn't. I'm extremely socially-awkward to the point where I have almost no friends. I feel closer to SLAP PALS than I do with people in my classes. I usually skate alone, or with my only friend. I am always super depressed to the point where I just put headphones in at school and pretend I'm not even there. I spend most of my time skating or sleeping, and I'm starting to lose my drive to skate whenever I'm just at home. It just feels like so much effort to go try and bunch of stuff that I probably won't land (at least that's what I tell myself). I am just so depressed that I feel like life is completely pointless.

About a month ago, I went to the Doctor's with my mom and he explained to me that I have aspergers. I honestly don't know what to do with this. I have an explanation for how I feel, but it only makes me feel more alienated. Getting that diagnosis only depressed me more because the way I see it, I'm stuck this way.

Any advice or knowledge of life would be greatly appreciated.
[close]
i'd be your friend but i think you said you're a kid in the other thread and that would be weird plus i'm not in az. i'd disregard the diagnosis, for a while i thought i had that, i was reading about it and i usedta be obsessed w/ trains and some of the other symptoms [riding them and looking at tags, not so much looking at the numbers] but it's whatever. just keep doing what ya do and you'll meet someone else who's into that shit. az is kind of the best.
my life is all fucked off, me and a pal who shall remain nameless got into some stuff over the wkend and i seen a psychiatrist today. i'm pathologically honest so i mentioned it and the bitch is like 'i'll write you a benzo script if you can piss clean' so i'm hoping that urine exited my penis at 72 hours or more from my last shot.
oh messy life!
Thanks dude, I'll definitely try to shake it off, doctors have been wrong before.
If you take medical advice from this puddle of retards you are going to die.

L33Tg33k

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #4741 on: May 06, 2014, 10:26:00 PM »
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I very much so meant suicide bag. I really don't like life. I'm grateful to have been a piece of the universe that got to experience itself, but I don't like the experience. It's not for me.
[close]
At least get laid before you completely write life off. If possible, form a connection with the person first, which makes it twice as fulfilling.
LOL. I guess I should go ahead and win the lottery before I off myself too.
Before you say the music sucked, have you considered shutting the fuck up?

pinche gringo

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #4742 on: May 06, 2014, 10:48:30 PM »
Hey l33t I'm sorry that you're having a hard time. Is there someone close to you that you can talk to about your suicidal thoughts? I hope you get through this. There is a lot of world out there to see. I understand that I'm a total stranger but if you want to chat PM or email me. I've lost several friends to suicide. I understand that it sometimes seems impossible that your situation will improve but it will.

@thewilleasley

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #4743 on: May 07, 2014, 01:08:19 PM »
L33tG33k keep your head up man I'm a firm believer that any negative experience can be turned into something just as positive if you keep a positive mindset and learn from your experience as much as you can. thats the whole point. when i was going through all that shit with my friends family & mom dying i was an emotional wreck for MONTHS and dealt with a ton of anxiety & sadness but you just gotta keep hope alive and know that that struggle is whats gonna make your success so sweat. if you notice, a large amount of insanely successful people have gone through periods of life just like you where shit just hit rock bottom or worse, but they hung in there and once you get out that hole the whole world opens up to you. the problem with you is that you fall victim to your own negative thoughts and its just a vicious cycle that seems like it'll never end. a little "fake it til you make it" would honestly do you a lot of good. don't go overboard of course but try to make an effort to cheer yourself on a little bit. its all on the inside man. we could all tell you the greatest advice in the world and some pornstar could fuck you for a week straight but at the end of day true happiness comes from within and you just gotta really dig deep and pull through for yourself. you're not an asshole so i figure you have karma on your side, you just have to stop being your worst critic and putting yourself down for no reason. if you keep thinking the same way, you'll get the same results. before you truly become an asshole and try to kill yourself at least pretend to confident & happy for a while and just see what happens.

L33Tg33k

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #4744 on: May 07, 2014, 07:19:07 PM »
I don't think Exposure is that bad.
Before you say the music sucked, have you considered shutting the fuck up?

ttching!

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #4745 on: May 08, 2014, 04:55:20 AM »

Mr. Lono

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #4746 on: May 08, 2014, 11:29:29 PM »
I don't think Exposure is that bad.
Hello g33k. I have been lurking this forum for a long fucking time and have read tons of your posts. Your posts having been losing humor more and more and honestly i'm starting to get a little worried. Of course i have no fucking idea who you are and it is none of my god damn business but I just had to break through a basement window recently to throw a friend in an ice cold shower because he ate about 20 zanex and downed about a handle bottle of whiskey. I had to pour peroxide down his throat to make him vomit profusely. (note to others) I totally understand what you said about how not modifying your life or death to please others. Sometimes the trick is to embrace isolation. Find a way to vent the fucked up thoughts you are feeling. Wether it be drugs, reading, writing..anything. just find what works. I don't know, my thought process changes drastically every day.
Charlie don't skate

Mr. Lono

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #4747 on: May 08, 2014, 11:36:02 PM »
I forgot to mention I have been working in a assembly line and am on the verge of drinking myself to death. real confession. On a positive note I have been learning a lot more spanish and writing more

and dude..just go to the things that made you laugh today
« Last Edit: May 08, 2014, 11:48:44 PM by Mr. Lono »
Charlie don't skate

L33Tg33k

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #4748 on: May 09, 2014, 12:05:11 AM »
I thought I still made humorous posts. Then again, it's not like my sense of humor was ever on the pulse of the people. Point is, I've still been making myself laugh a little. As for my suicidal ideations, I honestly don't know if it's even a thing to worry about because I've been too big of a pussy to do it for so long, I just don't know if I'm capable of it. That's why I was talking about realizing my plan slowly and step by step so that maybe I can normalize the idea of going through with it and it would become more real to me over time with ever lessening fear. The fear itself is nearly unbearable. I don't want to feel it any more.
Before you say the music sucked, have you considered shutting the fuck up?

SodaJerk

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #4749 on: May 09, 2014, 03:34:52 AM »
L33T, do not normalise suicide. For some people it is a full blown certainty that they will die at their own hands but from all I have read from you you are not one of these people in my eyes. If you put the effort you were willing to put into normalising the end I think you can put this effort into accepting your present state and either embracing it or changing it for the better. I don't feel ending your life takes courage, I think improving it does. The world doesn't need one less skater so I hope you can work this out.

greenmilktea

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #4750 on: May 09, 2014, 03:56:11 AM »
i have really terrible social anxiety when i'm skateboarding to the point where i get so annoyed with everyone around me and bummed out that i can't do anything because i feel like everyone is watching and judging me and i only really feel comfortable when at least one of my friends is with me. also i'm terrible with money and i got fired from my job and would have been homeless the past two months if i hadn't been able to borrow money from people close to me in order to pay my rent and i have debt and debt collectors calling me every day and i feel like i'm slowly spiraling downward into a place i don't want to end up

also l33tg33k keep your head up bud i don't know you but i hope everything works out, honestly

Jim and Dan

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #4751 on: May 09, 2014, 07:30:47 AM »
I re-relapsed last week . . .
Roll for Rusty, Frip, Dapple and Tate



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shark tits

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #4752 on: May 09, 2014, 07:35:21 AM »
I re-relapsed last week . . .
me too on saturday even though i'm not technically 'off drugs' just drinking. a little crack and her'on never hurt nobody but it almost made me fail a piss test for my benzos. not trying to normalize it but if you can relapse and get back on the wagon i think you're doing ok. or like, don't beat yourself up if that's what you were doing.

Jim and Dan

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #4753 on: May 09, 2014, 07:59:20 AM »
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I re-relapsed last week . . .
[close]
me too on saturday even though i'm not technically 'off drugs' just drinking. a little crack and her'on never hurt nobody but it almost made me fail a piss test for my benzos. not trying to normalize it but if you can relapse and get back on the wagon i think you're doing ok. or like, don't beat yourself up if that's what you were doing.

Quick two-day ball bender, which also always leads me to get really sick & I'm now the owner of a lovely scar on my arm.

Framing the situation in the perspective of, "I made a mistake, just don't keep doing that", as opposed to, "I fucked up 3 months of sobriety, I'm a piece of shit" seems to make a significant difference in my post-use attitudes; basically dictating what happens next.

However, it is amazing to not feel the deadly pull of using everyday or really at all . . .

Drugs are freaking wack when you can't hang tough anymore kids . . .
Roll for Rusty, Frip, Dapple and Tate



Ross Norman - Last of the Mohicans

ROCKxADIO420

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #4754 on: May 09, 2014, 10:43:41 AM »
i think i missed all of leetgeeks humorous posts

Rumpleforeskin

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #4755 on: May 09, 2014, 03:59:15 PM »
Only two things can come out of me staying in this city and living with the people I currently live with:  Suicide or literally drinking myself death.  Most likely, the latter.  The past 4 days I have spent drinking while taking various sleeping medications.  I usually pass out for around 12-14 hours which isn't too bad I guess.  I start working full-time this weekend.  I'll be making around $9-$10 an hour which isn't bad for a summer job.  The people I live with are disgusting.  They don't clean up anything at all, all they do is eat the food I buy and fuck their slutty daddy-issue girlfriends.  They never leave!  Its such a shame that these were people I grew up and considered friends.  Me getting a place and sharing it with these fuckers was supposed to be a pretty great opportunity for all of us.  All you have to do is pay rent/utility and not fuck up school, and they end up doing the complete opposite. Its like you give these people one inch of freedom and they completely pile out.  Its pathetic.  The fact they see nothing wrong with any of that is horrifying to me, they even throw it in my face time to time as a way of bragging.  If I leave here I sacrifice leaving a fairly prestigious university and missing out on decent job opportunities that might arise after graduating college, but at this point it just doesn't seem worth it.  I feel like I'm going crazy, man.  Never felt so alone in my life.  The only thing I ever leave the house for is to go skate occasionally..  Thank god for skating.

Coastal Fever

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #4756 on: May 09, 2014, 06:08:44 PM »
LOL. I guess I should go ahead and win the lottery before I off myself too.
You should get tinder/okcupid/whatever, and start convos with girls without any intention of getting laid.  When you mostly hang out with immature dudes, it's really nice to just shoot the shit with a cute chick, it will invigorate you and that new confidence will shine.  Maybe she'll be going through some shit and you'll be able to comfort her, which will make you feel extra good about yourself.

shark tits

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #4757 on: May 09, 2014, 06:18:58 PM »
Only two things can come out of me staying in this city and living with the people I currently live with:  Suicide or literally drinking myself death.  Most likely, the latter.  The past 4 days I have spent drinking while taking various sleeping medications.  I usually pass out for around 12-14 hours which isn't too bad I guess.  I start working full-time this weekend.  I'll be making around $9-$10 an hour which isn't bad for a summer job.  The people I live with are disgusting.  They don't clean up anything at all, all they do is eat the food I buy and fuck their slutty daddy-issue girlfriends.  They never leave!  Its such a shame that these were people I grew up and considered friends.  Me getting a place and sharing it with these fuckers was supposed to be a pretty great opportunity for all of us.  All you have to do is pay rent/utility and not fuck up school, and they end up doing the complete opposite. Its like you give these people one inch of freedom and they completely pile out.  Its pathetic.  The fact they see nothing wrong with any of that is horrifying to me, they even throw it in my face time to time as a way of bragging.  If I leave here I sacrifice leaving a fairly prestigious university and missing out on decent job opportunities that might arise after graduating college, but at this point it just doesn't seem worth it.  I feel like I'm going crazy, man.  Never felt so alone in my life.  The only thing I ever leave the house for is to go skate occasionally..  Thank god for skating.
you need better friends mr foreskin. don't give up on school, even though it produces a bunch of eggheads you're better off going than being a knucklehead and owing money for an incomplete education. shit is tough when you're young, your best friend becomes a jerkoff when you're roomies, just the way it is. least you got skating, most people ain't even got that.
ps i usedta piss in my soda cause i was sick of drunk roomies drinking it. that learned em......

@thewilleasley

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #4758 on: May 09, 2014, 06:25:28 PM »
Only two things can come out of me staying in this city and living with the people I currently live with:� Suicide or literally drinking myself death.� Most likely, the latter.� The past 4 days I have spent drinking while taking various sleeping medications.� I usually pass out for around 12-14 hours which isn't too bad I guess.� I start working full-time this weekend.� I'll be making around $9-$10 an hour which isn't bad for a summer job.� The people I live with are disgusting.� They don't clean up anything at all, all they do is eat the food I buy and fuck their slutty daddy-issue girlfriends.� They never leave!� Its such a shame that these were people I grew up and considered friends.� Me getting a place and sharing it with these fuckers was supposed to be a pretty great opportunity for all of us.� All you have to do is pay rent/utility and not fuck up school, and they end up doing the complete opposite. Its like you give these people one inch of freedom and they completely pile out.� Its pathetic.� The fact they see nothing wrong with any of that is horrifying to me, they even throw it in my face time to time as a way of bragging.� If I leave here I sacrifice leaving a fairly prestigious university and missing out on decent job opportunities that might arise after graduating college, but at this point it just doesn't seem worth it.� I feel like I'm going crazy, man.� Never felt so alone in my life.� The only thing I ever leave the house for is to go skate occasionally..� Thank god for skating.

stay up man but forreal dont let them hold you back from what you feel your supposed to do. try to solider through & use that frustration to fuel you to make some power moves to chance your circumstance. Dont one bad group of friends fuck you over at this point in life cuz the last thing you would want to do is blow a bunch of good opportunities that could potentially be very good for you down the line just because you're dealing with some short-term bullshit in the now.

on the other hand, i know exactly whats its like to go thru a fucked up situation, feeling so alone, and moving far far away for a fresh start so if shit gets REALLY bad that may actually do you a lot of good IF you move to right place under the right circumstances. Stay up tho fam, sending positive vibes your way.

Rumpleforeskin

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #4759 on: May 09, 2014, 06:45:06 PM »
Thanks dudes, I needed that.  I've actually busted a nut in dudes 3-in-1 body wash/shampoo bottles once..  He still uses it I think..  I mean who even buys those anyway.

shark tits

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #4760 on: May 09, 2014, 06:51:30 PM »
Thanks dudes, I needed that.  I've actually busted a nut in dudes 3-in-1 body wash/shampoo bottles once..  He still uses it I think..  I mean who even buys those anyway.
ha! funny story, i was in court once and the people before me were charged w/ that as well as putting other substances into other packages and i'm laughing then they call my name and have a lug nut tied to a sock [exhibit A against me] and i ended up getting 45 days. damn it rumpleforeskin, why'd you hafta take me back there?
nah but whatever you've gotta do to feel vindicated or retributed or however you'd say it. 'do it the verducci way, stick the other guy w/ the bill.'

L33Tg33k

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #4761 on: May 09, 2014, 07:35:24 PM »
i think i missed all of leetgeeks humorous posts
U really gonna cum @ me sideways like dat?
Before you say the music sucked, have you considered shutting the fuck up?

smokecrack

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #4762 on: May 09, 2014, 07:42:16 PM »
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i think i missed all of leetgeeks humorous posts
[close]
U really gonna cum @ me sideways like dat?

Bad Boys 2 - This Shit Just Got Real

ROCKxADIO420

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #4763 on: May 09, 2014, 08:12:08 PM »
jk leet i actually laugh at you all the time ;)

doomstation55

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #4764 on: May 10, 2014, 04:02:56 PM »
I feel ya geek, I've been having a rough couple of months too. After having a real bad MS relapse that lasted a month and than dealing with all the medical bill shit afterwards while simultaneously hating my job and missing my ex gf its definitely been a rough one. The worst part is after basically being numb on my whole right side for a month and not having balance, I still don't feel 100% (it lasted from Feb 7 til March 16 was my last day with real bad symptoms). My right leg gets sore a lot easier from skating and doesn't have all the strength it should have. I've been questioning if I should continue this whole "life" thing if I wont' be able to do what I really love in skateboarding. I guess the best thing to do is take it one day at a time and remember there's people that care about you. I try to skate as much as possible, but I just feel weaker all around it sucks. I'm only 23 but I feel like I've aged 20 years since I was 17 which is the last time pre multiple sclerosis conditions.

shark tits

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #4765 on: May 10, 2014, 04:25:29 PM »
I feel ya geek, I've been having a rough couple of months too. After having a real bad MS relapse that lasted a month and than dealing with all the medical bill shit afterwards while simultaneously hating my job and missing my ex gf its definitely been a rough one. The worst part is after basically being numb on my whole right side for a month and not having balance, I still don't feel 100% (it lasted from Feb 7 til March 16 was my last day with real bad symptoms). My right leg gets sore a lot easier from skating and doesn't have all the strength it should have. I've been questioning if I should continue this whole "life" thing if I wont' be able to do what I really love in skateboarding. I guess the best thing to do is take it one day at a time and remember there's people that care about you. I try to skate as much as possible, but I just feel weaker all around it sucks. I'm only 23 but I feel like I've aged 20 years since I was 17 which is the last time pre multiple sclerosis conditions.
yo, my heart goes out to ya doomstation. my therapist has MS and i worry about her but she's older so i kinda chalk it up to that. my mother usedta take care of a lady w/ that, not so much take care but spend time. i'm not sure if she was like a great cousin or something but the lady was a relative on my dad's side and just had it really bad. make the most of each day i spose and when that's not skating, i don't know, reading? something sedentary. hope they cure that shit.

L33Tg33k

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #4766 on: May 10, 2014, 08:30:52 PM »
I just want to say thanks for listening to my bitching. I've got no one else. It's very evident right now because I can't even get anyone to come to the bar with me even when I'm trying to bribe them with weed and drinks. I just want to go to goth night once. My anxiety is going through the roof.
Before you say the music sucked, have you considered shutting the fuck up?

dillanharp

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #4767 on: May 10, 2014, 08:40:54 PM »
I just want to say thanks for listening to my bitching. I've got no one else. It's very evident right now because I can't even get anyone to come to the bar with me even when I'm trying to bribe them with weed and drinks. I just want to go to goth night once. My anxiety is going through the roof.

Leet, I know you're all in to Kate Bush. Saw this girl Kristeen Young open for Morrissey the other night, you heard of?

Made In China

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #4768 on: May 11, 2014, 12:13:55 AM »
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I just want to say thanks for listening to my bitching. I've got no one else. It's very evident right now because I can't even get anyone to come to the bar with me even when I'm trying to bribe them with weed and drinks. I just want to go to goth night once. My anxiety is going through the roof.
[close]

Leet, I know you're all in to Kate Bush. Saw this girl Kristeen Young open for Morrissey the other night, you heard of?
I was there! She was alright but Morrissey killed it. I was this close to getting on stage at the end when he got tackled and left.

Bronson

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Re: real confessions
« Reply #4769 on: May 11, 2014, 01:10:34 PM »
I might have posted about this before, but I get really fast mood swings. Some random thought can pop into my head and turn me from feeling fine to feeling like complete shit. Several times a day. Hundreds maybe. Usually I just start to wonder why I suddenly feel so shitty and than I realize what the trigger might be. Than I feel like shit for feeling like shit from such petty shit and must assure myself with my therapists calming voice that the shit is not petty if it is important shit to me. Shit is hard work, yo.

I might be riding mah bike on a beautiful day all happy, when suddenly straight outta blue sky ZAP some shit-thought enters my mind and than I feel like drive-by-murkin pedestrians. Than I feel bad for thinking such evil things. That is something akin to insanity, is it not? Or does me being conscious about it make it less insane?

Do most people experience the same thing? Or are some people just more prone to it? Or does it mean you have shitty genes and must spend the rest of your life playing Call Of Duty in your parents basement, spawn-camping? So many questions.
« Last Edit: May 11, 2014, 01:35:49 PM by Bronson »