Hey fellas, sorry to burst in again, but believe it or not I've found this thread in the forum to be really helpful in the past, and I actually think Sk8D000D was the one to convince me to go into rehab. Basically, when I was 17 I really fucking up my back. I used to totally be into stair jumping and rails, but when I hurt my back one summer I got prescribed percocets, which, through a girl, who was a few years older than me at the time got me into Heroin. I was able to kick it during highschool, but freshmen year of college, I broke my hip, and lost some of the flow connections I was getting, and was supsequuently prescribed opana for a while which was tapered back into percs again. Around the same time I was smoking a ton of weed and it got to the point where It was facilitating in tons of anxiety and vomit inducing panic attacks, at which time I was prescribed xanax. Needless to say I got hooked on them as well, in addition to my already disturbingly deep alcohol addiction This really led to the delcline of my skating too. You know, I was never really too good, but I rode for a shop, and got some random rep flow product here and there, which I was obviously hyped on, and then my druggin stuff took me from that, and due to my poor body health I kept getting hurt. But, My cheating girl kicked me out of my apartment fairly recently, ann things got quite worse. I have always had stomach and liver problems since birth, and after partying I would often wake up in Hospitals, being warned of my impending death. Thanks to this section of the forum, I was encouraged to go to detox, and have caught up in school, and am nearly finished with my IOP rehab on Monday! I've been skating really well lately and finally getting most of my old tricks back and even learning new ones. I'm on the right track, been working and did really well in school this semester, got a job, and and am moving back out of my parent;s house soon. I made it three months sober!... until tonight, when I decided to get benzo'd out of my fucking skull and smashed on some stoli. I'm not quite sure what to do at this point. I feel really really guilty. I'm not sure how to handle it. Lonliness has taken it's toll I guess. I don;t know guys. I'm only 20 and the last thing I want is to spend the rest of my life on this rollercoaster you know? I just feel really guilty and stupid. This shit has almost killed me so many times and I don;t really know what to do right now. I graduate from the rehab program moday and I feel like shit about it. I'm just a little lost and It's kindza scary. I really have some stuff I wanna do with my life, some bigger seemingly childish dreams, and i'M scared I just fucked everything Up I've been working for. Sorry for the huge diatribe fellas, just a lot to try to get some of this stuff out in a place I lreally love, and strangely enough feel kinda safe in.