I'm not one of those dudes that takes pride in his farts or shits or anything, I'm normally pretty reserved with that stuff, but I drunkenly took a shit in the woods behind a bar a few weeks ago because some dudes were doing coke in the bathroom (which only contains a urinal and a shitter that has no stall, just open air next right to the urinal). I had to wipe my ass with leaves and it was terrible. By the time I came in they were finally out and I could wash my hands, by then several karaoke songs had gone by and my buddy wanted to know where I was so I told him in confidence of a secret only for him to later tell everyone about it including some chicks we were with.