I used to whack off to Paris Hilton's tape when I was in highschool. Yeah it sucked but there was something so raw and real about it that really turned me on. It was just so unfiltered. Like an Emerica Spanky B-sides, you could see all the awkward moments in between the hammers. Texting, swigging vodka, looking through her purse, slappin' 5 with Jerry. Years later I heard that she was only 17 when that was recorded, and what I had climaxed to so many times had technically, in fact, been child porn. Oh well, I was under 18 too so it was all good. I have never watched it since, though. For fear that Paris will climb out of my computer screen like The Ring and Chris Hansen me if I happen to get a boner while watching her begrudgingly stuff just the head into her dumb mouth while high on ecstasy at 17. "What are you doing here?" She'd mumble. Just passing through, Paris. Just passing through.