Author Topic: anyone else having a tough time?  (Read 3324 times)

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G raham

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Re: anyone else having a tough time?
« Reply #60 on: December 06, 2020, 07:26:35 AM »
Ditched a large portion of my friends around may when they were all hanging out during lockdown so get a little lonely. Am I being too harsh? Leaning way towards no but would like to hear opinions.
Well guys, there's nothing better than getting out there and skateboarding. - Shane O'Neill.

G raham

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Re: anyone else having a tough time?
« Reply #61 on: December 06, 2020, 07:34:06 AM »
I hope y’all all get through everything you’re going through. I have nothing but love for everyone in this sub forum 💙 everyone in here has something to live for and someone that loves them ❤️ No matter what. You guys are my friend just through this fucking website. I love you all and hope you get through it.
Well guys, there's nothing better than getting out there and skateboarding. - Shane O'Neill.

excitableboy

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Re: anyone else having a tough time?
« Reply #62 on: December 06, 2020, 08:00:20 AM »
I wish Covid would keep going. Not the disease but everything standing still. To nutshell it, I am in my mid-30s, the failingest student possibly worldwide, 50.000 dollars in debt and in my tenth year of a pointless BA. Girlfriend, incredibly yes, but she is all together and ready for children and me wasting her prime years keeps me up at night and is the first thought when I wake. I shudder at the thought of fatherhood. I don't even fuck her well, never have, but she loves me unwaveringly, inexplicably. Deeply addicted to weed, that laughably privileged habit which kicking earns one no respect or social capital, least of all my own. Yet I don't manage. I've enjoyed all the right circumstances and squandered them. No one around me knows any of this and years of omissions and doublethink eat away at my soul.

Covid has stopped everyone in their tracks and malfunctioning and I take perverse comfort from it. My own inertia now less conspicuous, I dread the return of old normal and facing people. Now and then I still imagine a sorted future, but this increasingly depends on delusions of perfect crimes or bestseller fiction.

Last August lumpy things in my throat convinced me I had cancer, bolstered perhaps by a fear of poetic justice. I have decades of rotten thoughts and heavy smoking inside me and I wondered why I shouldn't have cancer. GPs (I bothered several) promised me it was nothing, agitated glands at worst, likely psychosomatic. Needless to say they had better things to do. 

My tough times seem similarly out of place here. To lament with the likes of Oaf who contend with far scarier things, profound things out of their control and yet, they contend! How I despise defeatists and how I despise myself. Your plights seem nothing short of heroic from where I stand, and I write that without a trace of irony. Such spirited words convince me that I am profoundly unable, that mine must be a bloodline of pure cowardice, that bowing out is my authentic talent and that I should stop fighting flight as my true path.

I'm not writing this as a cry for help, to be sure. I don't mean that type of flight. Pity only tends to backfire and it's not what I'm trying to elicit here. I think. I only thought for those who might be feeling weak I could provide contrast, and to relieve myself momentarily of the burden of secrets. 

What Baby on Board said.

jigga man

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Re: anyone else having a tough time?
« Reply #63 on: December 06, 2020, 08:52:48 AM »
don't give up. you got the music in you.