Awkward Sexual Encounters With Wilson

[STARSHIPtrooper]

but seriously that thread was approaching classic slapdom, there were hardly any weak stories in it, such a good read.

[H8R part 4]

i feel sorta bad for vicky but not really because she probably has a good life.

i feel worse from sectadrome because he couldn't get it up, thats like every mans biggest fear.  i don't know about everyone else but once i start rubbing titties and the scent of pussy is in the air, i'm pretty much good to go.   

[Nic]

It will be missed 
Also I'm sorry to inform that Wilson also likes to watch men sodomizing other slap members.

Welcome to Slap.

[Bipsmound]

Are we not men?

I thought we were Devo, but now I'm not so sure anymore.  

Stick ya boner in a plump pumpkin and stir the innards to a proper froth.  Inhale seeds through your urethra and fire them in rapid succession at unsuspecting camel looking prostitutes while cruising by with your pants down on your brand new Rascal scooter.  While doing this, you must make machine gun noises with your mouth and machine gun motions with your hands.  I would recommend wearing a balaclava in case friends and/or relatives see you engaged in such sinful activity.  

[CeeyMar]

I'm not going to go into details about my encounter with Wilson, all I have to say is that he needs to take a seat.

[rawbertson.]

I'm not going to go into details about my encounter with Wilson, all I have to say is that he needs to take a seat.

damn he is getting underage d00ds too?

Expand Quote

i feel sorta bad for vicky but not really because she probably has a good life.

[close]

i feel worse from sectadrome because he couldn't get it up, thats like every mans biggest fear.  i don't know about everyone else but once i start rubbing titties and the scent of pussy is in the air, i'm pretty much good to go.   

i can think of one time i couldnt get it up, it was in the other thread, and it was cause she was jerking me off with a ring on and it severely bruised my dick. but then again i got it up initially but once it got pummeled there was no hope in keeping it up, plus i was 8 beers drunk (which in canadian beer equals 12 beers american, plus i am a pussy), but yes it was a pretty horrible feeling, not only the embarrasment that i fingered her butt hole instead of vag, and also that my dick went soft, but the pain as well. so i suppose you are right. its never good.

you just have to decide if you are going to get that drunk at the beginning of the night, and if you do, dont try and pick up any girls. maybe just get their number so you can go out for coffee later (although you wont remember anything you talked about so there is high potential for phaiL)

[starvingrobot]

Rawb, that sounds like a completely terrible hook up and experience.  In Canadia, you guys are doing it all wrong!

[ticklefingers]

the threads back

[yeah dude!]

Not completely it's not.

[Prison Wallet]

Yeah I had shit deleted in that thread and I didn't even post the Vicky story.

Anyone remember when veganshawn got his mod status revoked for deleting shit?

[STARSHIPtrooper]

theres going to be a prison riot soon, guards better clear the area lol.

[CigaretteBeer]

the threads back

Dean was that really you talking to me on AIM last night?

[Watson]

Why is this thread still up?! Why haven't you taken it down yet, Mods?! Eat shit, Dean! EAT SHIT DEAN! None of these stories are true!

CigBeer tries blaming it on me, but he couldn't get it up because he is a small-dicked hetero straight wannabe faggot!

Notorious is trying to act like I spurned his advances, but really I did so much for that guy! I even gave into his fetish for bears wearing cat-ears! Hell I even wore that moose-piss pheromone cologne he bought me. In the end turns out he's not even a faggot either! I touched his dick and it didn't even get hard! You and Tim should go fuck some vaginas together you non-fag fags! Don't lie and try and be some martyr!

Robot - Yeah you fuckin wish, buddy. If you tried slappin this purple wrinkled bean bag, like I'd even feel it. W/E!!!

The Gipper story is all true.

[1992]

[shark tits]

Here you go Gip, read it quick before it gets deleted...

    Okay, I think Im finally going to tell this story, because I dont think she goes on here anymore and also because I don't care.  You may know the person in question as Vicky, or victoria.  This was like 2 years ago when I was going to school in Philly.  I started chatting her up on here via PM, and then AIM.  I end up meeting up with her on this one really rainy day at her school which was a couple blocks from where I went.  We went to like some cafeteria or something and she put on Fully Flared on her Macbook.  It was pretty awkward. All you guys who think that it would be sick to date a chick who is into skateboarding, its not what its cracked up to be.  Any time she would bring up skateboarding it would be like "Oh, so and so is sooo sick!  Did you see that Thunder ad!" It was just weird.  But anyway I hang out with her 1 or 2 times after this, ALWAYS with her annoying friend, who incidentally also posted here but I dont remember his name.   I went over to her friends house where she was hanging out one day after class (she refused to let me in her own apartment, I dont know why), and theyre throwing back rum and cokes.  Its like 4 oclock. Shes already drunk, all sitting on my lap and shit and all over me.  Now, I wasnt even sure if I was into it, but I just let it happen.  She keeps drinking and is basically hammered, Im barely buzzed.  We drive all over the fucking city to the train station to pick up her sister, and the whole time shes just so annoying and drunk.

    Finally we get back to this girls apartment, and we go in her friends room and she shuts the door.  We start making out.  Shirts off, titties sucked.  I still pretty much just want tot leave at this point, the whole night had been annoying as fuck.  Her friend starts opening the door and is like WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING IN HERE?  And so shes all like "quick go in the bathroom!" because she's half naked.  Im really fucking annoyed right now.  Her friends like "JUST GO FUCK ON THE COUCH" and we go back in the living room.  She takes her clothes off and literally just lays there like a dead fish.  By this point i am woefully aware this isnt the most.. "fit" girl Ive been with.  I could not be any more flaccid.  After like 5 minutes of me hoping shell do some fluffing or something, I say something like "Ummmmmmm....its uhhh not getting...."  We put our clothes back on, I walk to the train station and never see her again.  She texts me a few days later asking if she was the reason I couldnt get a boner.  I tell her it was because I was a virgin and was too nervous.  I never talk to her again.
   
    Moral: Dont try and fuck anyone from Slap.

end quote

[somethingmustbreaknow]

just made out with my exex. i thought
best would be to immediately tell slap.


edit: lol. i thought this was the regular awkward sexual expoierences. sry boyz.

[Owen]

WTF! The Awkward sexual experiences thread was on of Slaps finest. Mods, this needs to be corrected ASAP.  Delete the offending posts if necessary but not the whole top. 

[busey]

that story is lame. if you're rubbing your hands together like a misogynistic birdman while reading that you should probably reevaluate your life.

[givecigstosurfgroms]

My ex would spoon me from behind with her leg crammed between my ass cheeks when we'd sleep.  Anyway one time I was at her place sleeping and I was deep in a dream; I was on a battle field in the 1800s or something and I had to blow a huge fart.  So I clenched both my fists together and stuck my butt out and forced out a fart so big and loud that it woke me up and I was just In bed with my woman and she had her leg between my ass cheeks again!  I fully old man-ed her ha!!