a lot worse because then I start actually focusing on something specific, and start calculating small details a lot more (all the while being aware that noone gives a shit and it's absurd to do it, which makes everything even worse sometimes if you can't reason yourself). when I'm not filming, pretty much all my everyday skating consists in successions of lines where I improvise trick after trick depending on whatever feels comfortable next. but whenever a camera's out, I feel like I actually have to try something more definite, my mind sinks down a vortex and in the end, I often end up settling for the same safe tricks I know I can, but normally don't even really do, restricting most leeway when it comes to spontaneity and eventually the clip is a lot less representative of my skating than I wish it could be. some my favorite clips of myself (yes) are the ones where I never realized I was being filmed, or random stuff I just did in between other people's takes or going with the flow of the session. as soon as you're being documented and you know it, staying natural becomes a mental struggle. developing the ability of breaking free from your own self-expectations in order to get footage that actually looks like you is the ultimate challenge. I have a lot of respect for people who you can tell on footage skate just the same in real life, when the clips feel like they were captured on the fly because they probably were.