I know im new here and all so I dont really expect anyone to care too much, I just feel like this a safe space to get all this shit off my chest
Freshman year I spent well over $300 on nicotine, mostly with money i made s3lling my perscription to upperclassmen. It was just that for a long time until i started smoking weed. Never that frequently, it just wasnt my thing back then. For my birthday one of my closer friends gave me six bars as a present. I got addicted to them fast, and Im 100% sure they were fake but I loved the way it made me feel. It got to a point where I couldnt sleep without taking two. I mellowed out but I was addicted for a year or so, but the doc wasnt refilling so I had no income, therefore i couldnt afford em anymore. i remember the withdrawls sucked but i dont remember that much, just that i lost all motivation and stopped eating/sleeping. Since then ive stayed realitivly clean, but I relapsed a couple months ago. Im a lightweight when it comes to drinking, which is nice bc a handle lasts me much longer. Right now i take these muscle relaxers i found in the medicine cabinet and they work amazingly
Ive been stuck in two shitty relationships that ended up going nowhere and left me more down than before. Rejection by family severerly affected me, and to be happy in a relationship i need constant reassurance bc I have really bad trust issues nd a poor self image. My parents consistently emotionally abusing me does not help i feel like the way ive been treated in the past severely fucks up any chance of a healthy relationship. I just recently confessed feelings to my dream girl and she friendzoned me and now she ghosting me. didnt expect it to hurt this bad, i thought we had a good thing going
I wish I could get therapy or meds but my parents dont believe in mental health
They also said I will be severely punished if I self harm again, even though the time they caught me it was nothing compared to later. I wish they were kidding but the way they treated me after that i wouldnt be suprised if I got a few bruises
I want to be successful one day, so as annoying as it is, I try in school and get super bummed when I get below a B. RN i got two high bś and an A and im super proud of that.
I coulda had my drivers license but I put it off so now I cant take the test until december
I barely got any friends, and the ones I do just arent the type I can talk about this stuff to. They amazing people, I just hate putting burden on people im close with. Im pretty reserved and I dont really talk much, only if spoken to or if i warmed up to you first. I really hate swearing but I swear a lot. I also love to talk shit on everything, even if I like it.
On the light side, Im progressing in skating pretty fast, classes switch next week, and my drivers test is coming up. super bummed halloween hellbomb cancelled this year
oh and over the past couple months Ive read this whole thread. hope you guys are well even tho idk u guys ily <3