A friend and I were going to a party, but needed to pick up a friend of his along the way. I walked in and all I saw were titties. Oversized shirt, homemade deep V neck, and a push up bra. She had an Angelina Jolie-esque face too: big, hard-staring eyes, strong cheek bones, and plush lips. We sat around and waited for her to feed her cat then bounced. At the party we mostly sat and drank, pulling on cigarettes all night. At one point a blanket comes out and I offer her some, which she accepts. Soon after our hands lock and my game mode is on. Some chick in my group of friends is staring us down hard because she's the type to interject herself into any scenario possible, so I ask my girl if she wants to step outside for a jaunt around the backyard.
We're on our way and I tell her I have to relieve myself. She then expresses the wish that if she were a guy, she "would totally pee in a circle." I simulated her dream, stood on and the spot and circled around, watering the grass while she sat on the swing-set and laughed at my inebriated version of a 360 degree rotation. I think the outline I walked in ended up looking more like the great state of Idaho. I zipped up and go over to sit down next to her, but as soon as my ass touches the Maximum Weight Limit of 200 lbs set, the whole thing collapses inwardly on top of us. Coincidentally, I landed on top of her and went with it and started making out with her. 5 minutes later I stop, because I had to tell her that was the best recovery I ever made. She laughed and I fingerblasted her, then we bounced and that was it for the night.
A couple nights later I went over real late fairly drunk & tired, to try to get it in. We start making out in her living room, and I pull those glorious ham bags out and had more fun than a kid at Discovery Zone. Started fingering her again, and she pulled her pants down. CELLULITE ALERT. A real bad case of it, top of the ass cheeks bad. Now, I'm not knocking women with it in general. It's going to happen someday and I can deal. But DAMN, she had it bad and was pretty young. Not realizing how much leg she actually had, I almost just left, but I held fast--I had already committed myself to this, and if she was going to return the favor then it wouldn't take much for me to imagine that Angelina Jolie's face was working my pole. Going down on that wasn't as bad as I thought, smelled alright thankfully, but the cellulite continued almost down to her knees. Real gnarly stuff. Then someone started unlocking the front door at 3:00AM, so I grabbed the cheetah snuggie faster than it could get away. Fastest land mammal my foot! I covered us so I could avoid the shame, and told whoever was coming to cover their eyes or not come in. But he lived there so that wasn't happening, but he did shield his eyes the entire way to his room. Meanwhile, homegirl's just smiling 'cause she's the one getting head. Can't blame her.
We wait a minute because that dude shares a room with her and his girlfriend in a lofted area; she's got the bottom and they're up top. We sneak in and start watching Wristcutters on her laptop, and the couple above us start making it. In another situation, that could've been hot shit. But I didn't want to fuck this girl anymore, and felt nervously complied to with that going on. My lids were getting heavy, but we started making out. She climbs on top and I realize that this girl does in fact weigh a bit more than I thought; fucking tits distracted me. We start dry humping and I'm feeling a little tingle that I don't recognize in a half-sleepy state. Half a minute later I realize this girl is about to make me come, I panicked but it was too late: the steady rhythm of her Brazilian cow thighs made me come in my pants like a 13 year old boy. I think she realized it because she slowed down, kissed me, and passed out. I fell asleep for a minute, bummed as fuck, then woke up gasping for air. She fell asleep directly on top of me and was choking me with her dome. This broad had more density than a shit from Nibbler, I swear. It took a couple minutes to get out from under her, but I realized that if I level her up with my knee and shift my weight fast enough, I could tumble out onto the floor. A few successive tries later, I was in my car on my way home, realizing that "this was not the most fit girl" I had hooked up with.