any pals care to share their experience with antidepressants?
I was going to DM this, but this may be useful for conversation.
I support the idea of sharing and community but I'm still not really too comfortable to talk in a setting like a Slap thread. However, I still wanted to share my experiences with antidepressants. I've tried a handful of medications since 2007. Since emotional matters are not really able to be measured by metrics, it's tough to really nail what one's diagnosis may be. People may exhibit traits or enter states of XYZ, which means it may not be fully accurate to describe someone's condition. That said, I'm not sure what I experience so we'll call it generalized depression and anxiety. This acts as a decent descriptor.
Anyway, I've tried a handful of SSRI/SNRI/atypical antidepressants and it's kind of hard to remember what the names are actually. Most will be generic versions of brand name pills like Lexapro / Citalopram and so on. From my experience, this is fine more or less. People have different chemical structures inside them so unfortunately, one may have to try out different medications to see what fits. Personally, I found that Effexor, an SNRI, works best for me. Wellbutrin makes me manic and while at the time, I have little idea of how it's changing my behavior. Not good at all for me. I've found that a close friend feels quite the opposite. Go figure.
With some medications like Citalopram, I may hardly notice a difference. I looked at life and experience with medication not working because it still feels like I am living under the pass/fail line of happiness and wellbeing. Angered and aloof, I believe it's doing nothing so I taper off under guidance of medical assistance. The body and mind adjust too gradually for me to notice a difference, but in looking back at my behavior, the situation was rather concerning. I had accepted my unfortunate worldview.
Small events lead up to great measures and eventually I hit a wall and believed I needed to return to some form of help. I will not go into detail. Besides, each individual's experience and pain is relative. I was prescribed Effexor, which I had taken 10 years ago, but discontinued because I was irresponsible and would get brain shivers from missing days. Why not try? I had no idea that it started to help out as this too was a gradual process.
I was able to concentrate on getting things done rather than struggle with obsessive and intrusive thoughts which sort of has a stupefying effect on me. Speaking and functioning was a non-thought and I could be normal-ish. Good enough. Without those intrusive thoughts, I could become invested in what I was doing, being work or art. I identified the idea that my personal well-being is dependent on fascination with nature and artistic experimentation as I summerised it as
"To be engaged." It could be with interpersonal relationships or curiosities, but I really think what I value is engagement. Without that, I don't really have shit. No more being bored or dealing with a bunch of boring assholes. Fuck that shit. This is still idealistic, but good enough.
Alongside medication, I have been fortunate to make time for therapy as well, crafting a better idea of emotional intelligence. There are different forms of therapy as well, and this too may take a few different practices to settle into a decent dynamic. I've been with people who are very personable or act more clinical. Counseling, therapy, and psychotherapy are all different. Each allows for different tools to deal with trauma in different ways. Personally, I have found that eastern philosophies share the ideals I already have. It's nice to have guidance. My dad credits the book The Wisdom of Insecurity by Alan Watts and I've read his old copy from the 70s a handful of times.
None of this is perfect and I only highlight the worthwhile factors. Go learn what bird sounds are in your area, hug a cat, and do nothing with the expectation of nothing. Sorry for the wall of text. It was nice to write. That's all I got.