Awkward Sexual Experiences

[cancelled]

ok, so im at this bar drinking with buds yaknow, having a grand ol time, when i see this burst of light come from the door.  and please bear in mind its like 1 am.  anyways, that burst of light turned out to be one of the most people ladies id ever laid my dreamy little eyes on.  She was wearing a very form fitting skirt, which ended half way before her fit little knees.  her glutes super tight and plump with great hips leading to her tiny little waist.  her breasts,  from the moment i saw her i could tell they were real bouncing around her half buttoned.  i see her and immediately get a boner, and refer to the "waist band trick."  i stand from my chair and approach this beautiful vixen with three little words i learned from some sitcom "how you doin?" she, taken aback by my forwardability lets out a little giggle, "teeheee," she squeaks.  "wanna get outta here, doll?" i ask.  "heeeheee, lets go you wolfman."  we race out the door and into a cab. "step on it!!" i command.  blah blah blah long story short i take her to my place rip the clothes off her 12/10 body, rip mine off and we hop into the 69 position.  shes just surping on my cock with her angel lips, her great proportioned soft but firm breasts resting on my ribs.  i throw her off of me and begin to fuck the shit out of her.  she begins to moan like a dying wildebeast having an orgasm.  not once, not twice, but thrice i make her pussy squirt like blastoise.  she screaming flailing around.  "finishhhhh in myyyy mouthhhh" she cries.  i whip my cock out and explode in her mouth with my ectoplasm.  "wowwwwwwww" we say in unison.  "that was the best ive ever been fucked..."      did i mention the part she was a 12/10???

[the snake]

^^fake

[skate_bored]

i still got kind of hard reading it....

[Beer Keg Peg Leg]

i emptied an entire fruit bowl into my backpack once

[brycickle]

Bowls are like pennies Hate. Fruit on the other hand is priceless.

[solo]

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okay...

been on some trips recently so i've got some stories....

hotel room. fancy pantsy old ass hotel that costs *money* but seems haunted at night. anyways. it's me and my skate niggas and we're mobbin with one of my homies bitches. she's driving. anyways, we roll up one of the hotel rooms and are drinking. then one of my homies busts out some coke. fools start doing lines and bumps cept for me and someone else. eventually i give in and do some... at this point we're pretty turnt up and decide to explore the halls, etc. everyone goes, even the bitch. so what happens is we ditch her and all run back to the hotel room. somehow she gets there first and is half on the floor snorting coke off the table.. dumb bitch.... anyways, my boy tells her he's gonna take her to the other room to take care of her and runs her shit. during this time we take her car and get food at a 24 hr safeway. coked out and drunk we get back to the room and munch. we all assumed that she was getting railed. we were correct. as we're eating 200 dollars worth of food, he comes back in and tags out another of my homies. he goes down with a grin and comes back all sweaty. it's my turn. i bring some coke for her and she snorts it off my dick... i see hella handprints on ass too.. straight running a train on this bitch... i rubber up and fuck her while watching the most boring movie ever.. i get out of there after i'm done without saying a word haha and walk through the haunted ass hallway back to homebase. tag in my other homie and he goes down with some coke. makes that bitch take a shower llolol and calls us while she's in it. anyways, we're all taking turns in the shower then after go outside and smoke a cigarette. we get a call from the homie who's been with her last. he tells us that she's in the shower and that the movie on is boring as fuck haha. we tell him that he shoulda gone in the shower with her (by this time it's about 7:30am). he says shes out! and clicks the phone. bout 20 minutes later we see this boy running through the halls (bout the 3rd floor) from the ground level and all swore it was a ghost hahaha. he comes outside and my homie who's bitch it was goes in and finish business. so we ran a train on my homie's girl (~26?) and then chilled in the jacuzzi, area sized pool, jacuzzi #2, then steamroom after lol while my homie gets his. oh yeah, then we got continental breakfast. trying to remember the rest of the day... but it's irrelevant. oh yeah!! the crazy bitch.. we all get our shit from the hotel rooms after and get in her car. she drives us to the park but is trippin cause she lost her phone that night. we tell her that we don't have it and she drives off, but then drives back around and throws a beer can at us. lol. never seen that bitch again after that night.

[close]

What the fuck did I just read...?

[close]

that, my friend, is how people get herpes

[close]

haha I know this guy. He did some other shit like this recently

hey, so what about that time you and your homeboy touched dicks inside of that anarchist girls mouth. lolololol

[Hercules Rockefeller]

did i mention the part she was a 12/10???

so, was she 12 or 10 years old?

[Clayton]

While lying down jerking off in bed I've almost accidentally shot a load directly into my face on two separate occasions. Luckily they shot diagonal and soiled the pillow both times. I can't be the only dude on here that's had a close call like that. Real Confessions anyone?

[FART BOY]

While lying down jerking off in bed I've almost accidentally shot a load directly into my face on two separate occasions. Luckily they shot diagonal and soiled the pillow both times. I can't be the only dude on here that's had a close call like that. Real Confessions anyone?

Guilty

[jack burton]

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While lying down jerking off in bed I've almost accidentally shot a load directly into my face on two separate occasions. Luckily they shot diagonal and soiled the pillow both times. I can't be the only dude on here that's had a close call like that. Real Confessions anyone?

[close]

Guilty

[Jackie Joyner Kersee]

what the fuck, you guys lay down while jerking off? You stare at the ceiling fan or what?

[ice nine]

lay in bed staring at a 52" plasma buddy while shooting plasma all over mine own face

[no fun]

lay in bed staring at a 52" plasma buddy while shooting plasma all over mine own face

you have a tv on your ceiling?!

[cringe.]

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While lying down jerking off in bed I've almost accidentally shot a load directly into my face on two separate occasions. Luckily they shot diagonal and soiled the pillow both times. I can't be the only dude on here that's had a close call like that. Real Confessions anyone?

[close]

Guilty

[close]

apparently my friend did this and only found out where his seed had landed when he later drank from the cup on the shelf behind him... lol

[brycickle]

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lay in bed staring at a 52" plasma buddy while shooting plasma all over mine own face

[close]

you have a tv on your ceiling?!

The more startling part is that he has blood fluid in his semen.

[ROCKxADIO420]

[crackrazor]

fuck. cannot unsee.

[BRIX SKWIKZ]

[jimi420]

Earning your RedWings is always an awkward situation when the girl sees you smiling with her blood covering your face.

[ttching!]

Anyone want to paint themselves blue and make some memories?

[sexualhelon]

I'll be damned if after reading those stories I don't steal the next box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch I see out of a girls pantry.

[HairyCunt]

I'll be damned if after reading those stories I don't steal the next box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch I see out of a girls pantry.

She's gonna be fat.

[LamontOne]

This happened to my friend but every saturday morning he goes over to this chicks house to fuck her while her parents are working. So after he does the deed he takes of his condom ties it up but doesnt want to put it in the bin incase her parents see it or something, so he puts it in his pocket to put it in the bin outside. So later that day he goes and gets a haircut and when he goes to grab his wallet, the condom flings out across the hairdressers and lands directly in the middle of the store with everyone seeing it. So he quickly runs and grabs it and still has to pay for the hair cut by card so i guess he is awkardly standing there while everyone is thinking what the fuck just happened. He told me he went to the same hairdressers like a couple of months later, he has heaps of other funny sex stories

[Mundungus]

This happened to my friend but every saturday morning he goes over to this chicks house to fuck her while her parents are working. So after he does the deed he takes of his condom ties it up but doesnt want to put it in the bin incase her parents see it or something, so he puts it in his pocket to put it in the bin outside. So later that day he goes and gets a haircut and when he goes to grab his wallet, the condom flings out across the hairdressers and lands directly in the middle of the store with everyone seeing it. So he quickly runs and grabs it and still has to pay for the hair cut by card so i guess he is awkardly standing there while everyone is thinking what the fuck just happened. He told me he went to the same hairdressers like a couple of months later, he has heaps of other funny sex stories

Sounds like a right bonkers mate

[LamontOne]

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This happened to my friend but every saturday morning he goes over to this chicks house to fuck her while her parents are working. So after he does the deed he takes of his condom ties it up but doesnt want to put it in the bin incase her parents see it or something, so he puts it in his pocket to put it in the bin outside. So later that day he goes and gets a haircut and when he goes to grab his wallet, the condom flings out across the hairdressers and lands directly in the middle of the store with everyone seeing it. So he quickly runs and grabs it and still has to pay for the hair cut by card so i guess he is awkardly standing there while everyone is thinking what the fuck just happened. He told me he went to the same hairdressers like a couple of months later, he has heaps of other funny sex stories

[close]

Sounds like a right bonkers mate

Nah legit man.

[ttching!]

Anyone want to paint themselves blue and make some memories?

Same girl. Seems like she'd be magic for this thread...

Beyonce Heat Rush - My Uncle RUINED MY HAUL VIDEO

[solo]

this girl gets on my nerves...


her personality is just so fucking one sided to what she thinks that it's impossible to get through to her for anything other than what she wants to hear.


anyways, she's pretty bad (sexy and all thick in the right places) and her pussy was nice.
we fucked before in her shower.

anyways, i'm trying to maneuver a quick heem sesh in her room right now and she's telling me that she's "trapped in her feelings" right now. and when i asked about what happened to chilling, she didn't even really read it and kind of just answered me as if she didn't understand me. (this bitch won't answer the phone, but she'll answer texts. fucking new generation..)

that's that shit i don't like. the annoyingness of bitches who think their philosophy is all encompassing and can be used to control dudes. lol.

[Rumpleforeskin]

this girl gets on my nerves...


her personality is just so fucking one sided to what she thinks that it's impossible to get through to her for anything other than what she wants to hear.


anyways, she's pretty bad (sexy and all thick in the right places) and her pussy was nice.
we fucked before in her shower.

anyways, i'm trying to maneuver a quick heem sesh in her room right now and she's telling me that she's "trapped in her feelings" right now. and when i asked about what happened to chilling, she didn't even really read it and kind of just answered me as if she didn't understand me. (this bitch won't answer the phone, but she'll answer texts. fucking new generation..)

that's that shit i don't like. the annoyingness of bitches who think their philosophy is all encompassing and can be used to control dudes. lol.

[Homeless Prostitute]

Pocket called my dad during sex.
At home now trying to avoid eye contact.

[dankradschwag]

dude, your dad is probably proud of you.