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General Discussion => WHATEVER => Topic started by: kelchmonster on January 05, 2007, 07:47:08 AM

Title: KELCH JOKES
Post by: kelchmonster on January 05, 2007, 07:47:08 AM
ILL LEAVE A NEW ONE EVERY DAY JUST TO BOTHER THE SHIT OUT OF YOU. HERES THE FIRST ONE.

  WHAT DID ONE PRO SKATER SAY TO THE OTHER?

DUDE! CAN I BORROW YOUR PANTS ? I HAVE TO FILM!
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: MAGIK INC GROUPIE on January 05, 2007, 08:54:53 AM
"Ah nigggggggy!!!"

How bout some Kelch classics. Tell these kids why you were the boss at emb.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: FFUR YLLIB on January 05, 2007, 09:47:20 AM
(http://www.emb4ever.com/pics/jakevogel/jake1.jpg)

jake vogel - switch preshky
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: MAGIK INC GROUPIE on January 05, 2007, 09:48:31 AM
Lil dirt!!!!!! The Weez!!!!
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: jimmy_chadwick on January 05, 2007, 06:54:13 PM
ha ha ...kelch rulez the board...yadiddi?!?!?
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: tehmizzark on January 05, 2007, 09:49:04 PM
There this girl I know. Who I have a big crush on, Well one day I happened to go to her place and she was sleeping. I tried to wake her up and the blaket came off. Well I saw her laying there naked. At frist I just foddled her. She didn't even wake up, Well I kissed her and started to climb up on her. She rolled over So I did her from behind. I didn't even use a codom and it's been a month since this happened, I talked to her today and she say's she is pregant and doesn't even know how it happened. Since she hasn't had sex in three months. How do I tell her I might be the father and that I raped her? 
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Gest on January 05, 2007, 09:52:14 PM
you just answered your own question
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: tony cox_hox on January 05, 2007, 09:56:12 PM
There this girl I know. Who I have a big crush on, Well one day I happened to go to her place and she was sleeping. I tried to wake her up and the blaket came off. Well I saw her laying there naked. At frist I just foddled her. She didn't even wake up, Well I kissed her and started to climb up on her. She rolled over So I did her from behind. I didn't even use a codom and it's been a month since this happened, I talked to her today and she say's she is pregant and doesn't even know how it happened. Since she hasn't had sex in three months. How do I tell her I might be the father and that I raped her? 

    
You funking person if this is really true and i find out where you live the police is right behind me or you can tell the fucking truth and WTF where you thinking you dumbass if you where real man you wouldnt have done that and if this is a joke i say go to hell !!!
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: L.S on January 06, 2007, 02:27:40 AM
if this is a joke i say go to hell !!!

oh man..
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: headache on January 06, 2007, 07:39:17 AM
There this girl I know. Who I have a big crush on, Well one day I happened to go to her place and she was sleeping. I tried to wake her up and the blaket came off. Well I saw her laying there naked. At frist I just foddled her. She didn't even wake up, Well I kissed her and started to climb up on her. She rolled over So I did her from behind. I didn't even use a codom and it's been a month since this happened, I talked to her today and she say's she is pregant and doesn't even know how it happened. Since she hasn't had sex in three months. How do I tell her I might be the father and that I raped her? 
[/quote

I think you have less explaining to do for her father and more to explain to us...you know, lying about having sex with a girl and all. Anyone who's read your posts knows females aren't really your thing.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: j....soy..... on January 06, 2007, 08:06:04 AM
why was 6 afraid of 7?
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: grimcity on January 06, 2007, 08:11:08 AM
There this girl I know. Who I have a big crush on, Well one day I happened to go to her place and she was sleeping. I tried to wake her up and the blaket came off. Well I saw her laying there naked. At frist I just foddled her. She didn't even wake up, Well I kissed her and started to climb up on her. She rolled over So I did her from behind. I didn't even use a codom and it's been a month since this happened, I talked to her today and she say's she is pregant and doesn't even know how it happened. Since she hasn't had sex in three months. How do I tell her I might be the father and that I raped her? 
That bitch is lying... she did the same thing to me!
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: kelchmonster on January 06, 2007, 08:16:54 AM
wow! the joke page got ugly. my bad!
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: gub on January 06, 2007, 08:31:12 AM
kelch u done it agin
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Venture1 on January 06, 2007, 11:47:24 AM
why was 6 afraid of 7?

coz 7 8 9!
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: //////////// on January 06, 2007, 07:50:37 PM
why was 6 afraid of 7?

cuz 7 8 9!
badabing badaboom
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Alexactly on January 06, 2007, 08:06:51 PM
I dunt get it.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: supermoonunit on January 06, 2007, 08:08:06 PM
I dunt get it.

because Seven ate (8)  nine
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: wghpChris on January 06, 2007, 09:28:52 PM
Why did Kelch cross the road?
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: wghpChris on January 06, 2007, 09:29:38 PM
To be a fat washed up kook and make shitty posts on SLAP.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: brooklyn brawler on January 07, 2007, 12:26:46 AM
Shut up, Cheezy E. Only I can make fun of Kelch.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: kelchmonster on January 07, 2007, 09:11:10 AM
fat!  how funny. sticks and stones children, sticks and stones.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: slumper on January 07, 2007, 09:22:55 AM
I want my reds jacket back.

and these kids in here are just as bad as all the ones from last night.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: bentmode on January 07, 2007, 02:06:30 PM
whos fat...you are.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: wghpChris on January 07, 2007, 03:05:36 PM
 :(
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: chalmchalms on January 07, 2007, 03:18:11 PM
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk,

A carton of eggs,

A quart of orange juice,

A head of romaine lettuce,

A 2 lb. can of coffee,

And a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to checkout, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly  stated," You must be single."

 The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was  intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.  She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual  about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.



Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"



The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly"
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: wghpChris on January 07, 2007, 03:37:20 PM
HAHAHAHAHA. Do you have a board sponsor yet?
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: kelchmonster on January 08, 2007, 06:20:35 AM
i have plenty of sponsors. i skate all the time, unlike most of you dwellers. i come here to have fun. you shit talkers make my day. its like comedy central on here. and i will be in tampa for the am contest if any shit talkers wanna come down and have a face to face conversation! later bloods!
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: peacepappies on January 08, 2007, 06:25:48 AM
haha good one chalms.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: kelchmonster on January 08, 2007, 06:27:17 AM
nice poll jam homie!
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Venture1 on January 08, 2007, 06:47:53 AM
What does Stevie Wonder's wife do after they've had an argument?

Rearranges the furniture.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: MAGIK INC GROUPIE on January 08, 2007, 11:29:00 AM
Kelch would toss yall haters around like a rag doll!

Anybody who was ALLOWED to skate emb loves Kelch to
death cause they know that in order for them to be able
to do 1 noseslide without  getting clothes lined or having their
shot out board dissapear, that it was Kelch who accepted them.

He never abused that power and even let t-dogs like yourself
skate with the best. As Sam said, he ruled with an iron fist and
a heart of gold. Most of you hating are not familiar with either.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: eight oh eight on January 08, 2007, 11:50:48 AM
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk,

A carton of eggs,

A quart of orange juice,

A head of romaine lettuce,

A 2 lb. can of coffee,

And a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to checkout, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly  stated," You must be single."

 The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was  intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.  She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual  about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.



Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"



The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly"

lol, well done.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: bentmode on January 08, 2007, 02:00:53 PM
i have plenty of sponsors. i skate all the time, unlike most of you dwellers. i come here to have fun. you shit talkers make my day. its like comedy central on here. and i will be in tampa for the am contest if any shit talkers wanna come down and have a face to face conversation! later bloods!

i see you are competing this year.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Bruce Wayne on January 08, 2007, 07:42:49 PM
Three black dudes die and go to heaven and arrive at the Golden Gates.
The gate keeper looks at them and tells to wait. The gate keeper goes to God and tells him there are three black fellas at the Golden Gates waiting to get in, God tells him we do not discriminate anyone so go let them in. The gate keeper leaves and comes back two minutes later and says, "They're gone!" God says, " The Black fellas?", the gate keeper says," No, the gates!"

Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: The Slap Poster Formerly Known As Shughe on January 08, 2007, 07:57:05 PM
Three black dudes die and go to heaven and arrive at the Golden Gates.
The gate keeper looks at them and tells to wait. The gate keeper goes to God and tells him there are three black fellas at the Golden Gates waiting to get in, God tells him we do not discriminate anyone so go let them in. The gate keeper leaves and comes back two minutes later and says, "They're gone!" God says, " The Black fellas?", the gate keeper says," No, the gates!"



abd but nice. kelchs was better. much more originallity
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Bruce Wayne on January 08, 2007, 10:06:52 PM
I think I was actually the one that posted it the first time, but I couldn't remember...I'll make up for it.

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this
HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy
staring at him, looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch
private, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."
The white man faints and falls to the floor.
The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy
says, "What's wrong with you?" In a weak voice the little guy says,
"What
EXACTLY did you say to me?"

The big dude says, "I saw the curious look and figured I'd just give
you
the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.

I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my left
testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my
name is
Turner Brown."

The small guy says, "Turner Brown?!...Whew, Thank God! I thought you
said, "Turn around"!

Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Bruce Wayne on January 08, 2007, 10:09:29 PM
A Wal-Mart manager was given the task of hiring an
individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he
found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the
four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine
which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the
interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?"

Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied, "A THOUGHT".
It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's
just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."

"That's very good!" replied the interviewer. "And now you sir?" he asked the second man.

"Hmm.... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of."

"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliche for speed."

He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply.
Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than an instant. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said.

Turning to Bubba, the fourth and final man, the
interviewer posed the same question.

Old Bubba replied, "After hearing the three previous answers, It's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA."

"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

"Oh I can explain." said Old Bubba. "You see the other day I wasn't feeling so good and I ran for the bathroom. But before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already shit in my pants.

Old Bubba is the new "Greeter" at the Hanford Walmart.

Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: tehmizzark on January 08, 2007, 10:16:59 PM
I think I was actually the one that posted it the first time, but I couldn't remember...I'll make up for it.

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this
HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy
staring at him, looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch
private, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."
The white man faints and falls to the floor.
The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy
says, "What's wrong with you?" In a weak voice the little guy says,
"What
EXACTLY did you say to me?"

The big dude says, "I saw the curious look and figured I'd just give
you
the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.

I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my left
testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my
name is
Turner Brown."

The small guy says, "Turner Brown?!...Whew, Thank God! I thought you
said, "Turn around"!



lol
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: eight oh eight on January 08, 2007, 10:59:34 PM
hah, both of those, quite good.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: cup on January 08, 2007, 11:13:57 PM
*spits out coffee*
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Mentos on January 08, 2007, 11:20:15 PM
What's the worst thing your mother could ever say to you?


I could've swallowed you.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: peacepappies on January 09, 2007, 05:12:35 AM
sanch shut up your a t-dog yourself.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: kelchmonster on January 09, 2007, 08:54:39 AM
sanch a t-dog! you should be grounded child . you have no idea what your saying! and  i dont compete, i dont have to. the boxes will keep coming anyway!
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: MAGIK INC GROUPIE on January 09, 2007, 08:56:12 AM
sanch shut up your a t-dog yourself.

OVER THE NET I GUESS I'M ANYTHING YOU SAY I AM, RIGHT T-DOG?

WTF, YOU TALKING ABOUT?
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: kelchmonster on January 09, 2007, 09:00:30 AM
iand im 5-3 and 112 pounds!
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: kelchmonster on January 09, 2007, 09:02:48 AM
how did the pollack get first degree burns on his face?

bobbing for french fries!
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Sleazy on January 09, 2007, 09:05:03 AM
this girl asked her dad to borrow the car and the dad thought about it for a minute and replied "if you suck my dick..."

the girl was shocked "dad, what the fuck are you talking about?"

dad: "I'm talking about what your going to do if you want to use the car, end of story."

girl: "your a sick fuck but fuck it, I need the car."

the girl starts blowing her dad and after a while stops and says "dad, your dick literally taste like shit, what the fuck?"

dad: "oh that's right, your brother's got the car tonight..."
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Sleazy on January 09, 2007, 09:06:25 AM
Kelch would toss yall haters around like a rag doll!

Anybody who was ALLOWED to skate emb loves Kelch to
death cause they know that in order for them to be able
to do 1 noseslide without  getting clothes lined or having their
shot out board dissapear, that it was Kelch who accepted them.

He never abused that power and even let t-dogs like yourself
skate with the best. As Sam said, he ruled with an iron fist and
a heart of gold. Most of you hating are not familiar with either.

did you usually take your tounge out his ass before he regulated or would he let you finish up first?
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: kev on January 09, 2007, 09:23:46 AM
Did James Kelch own any property on EMB?  If not, who the fuck was he to say who could skate there and who couldn't?  That's some straight up jock mentality bullshit.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: MAGIK INC GROUPIE on January 09, 2007, 09:31:28 AM
that's crew shit. you don't have to understand. You would still be subject to Embarco code of ethics. The only way you wouldn't be is if you bounced to another spot.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: uruquay on January 09, 2007, 09:34:41 AM
i'm really dissapointed in you dorks.  hating on kelch?  you're like 15. shut the fuck up already.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: MAGIK INC GROUPIE on January 09, 2007, 09:36:24 AM
These kids love their freedom to hate.... as long as it's behind a computer-lol

Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: kev on January 09, 2007, 09:37:15 AM
I'd like to read this EMB code of ethics.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: MAGIK INC GROUPIE on January 09, 2007, 09:42:23 AM
I'm sure you would.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: kev on January 09, 2007, 09:45:42 AM
But then again, Kelch Monster couldn't be a power-tripping bully if people knew what "rules" they had to follow.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: MAGIK INC GROUPIE on January 09, 2007, 09:47:40 AM
Code of Ethics(slap forums)

1. Snivel and whine about everything
2. Hate on everyone and everything
3. blah-blah-blah
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: eight oh eight on January 09, 2007, 09:48:41 AM
more vibing, less of this....
(http://www.atnzone.com/uploads/musiczone/Pharrell.jpg)
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: MAGIK INC GROUPIE on January 09, 2007, 09:51:53 AM
the Hello Kitty color scheme?
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: isaac on January 09, 2007, 09:57:02 AM
Expand Quote
Kelch would toss yall haters around like a rag doll!

Anybody who was ALLOWED to skate emb loves Kelch to
death cause they know that in order for them to be able
to do 1 noseslide without  getting clothes lined or having their
shot out board dissapear, that it was Kelch who accepted them.

He never abused that power and even let t-dogs like yourself
skate with the best. As Sam said, he ruled with an iron fist and
a heart of gold. Most of you hating are not familiar with either.
[close]

did you usually take your tounge out his ass before he regulated or would he let you finish up first?

you must not know that Sanchez and Kelch have been friends for a very long time. your comment was poorly thought out.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: slumper on January 09, 2007, 10:04:05 AM
But then again, Kelch Monster couldn't be a power-tripping bully if people knew what "rules" they had to follow.

if you actually knew James you'd know he's the farthest thing in the world from a bully.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: MAGIK INC GROUPIE on January 09, 2007, 10:17:13 AM
That is sooooo fucking true!
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: donnie_murdo on January 09, 2007, 10:23:03 AM
Hey i was wondering how did you treat the English ?

Like Carl Shipman was pretty mellow with you boys, but he's a total nut case at the same time as being really nice
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: MAGIK INC GROUPIE on January 09, 2007, 10:26:45 AM
Shipman was pretty much a part of emb. He skated there everyday and partied with us too.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: kev on January 09, 2007, 10:35:44 AM
I'm not hating on him, I just want to know what kind of power he really possesed and why?  Let's hear some stories of his greatness.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: biggums mcgee on January 09, 2007, 10:37:26 AM
whose posse was more gnar towards the outsiders, LOVE's or EMB's?
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: donnie_murdo on January 09, 2007, 10:39:33 AM
Shipman was pretty much a part of emb. He skated there everyday and partied with us too.

Yeah i knew that but how did he "get into" your wee group i guess it what i'm meaning, i've met him a couple times like, hmm maybe 7-8 years ago, when Rattary was on Blueprint, years and years ago, i just wondered, was it simply due to his crazy Frontside flips or due to the Stereo - DLX conection ?

What about the Manchester/London guys, like Femi ?

Fuck i know a bunch of people from Edinburgh went over to SF a lot, but at the time, they were mostly dicks that skated Bristo and we pissed if you skated there and were better than them (i guess, trying to get there own EMB vide going, the whole Edinburgh's Most Blunted shit was just so fucking lame it was epic in Scottish history), i mean we just skated Glasgow which was better anyway.

But yeah just wondering, as he always seemed pretty much in there but, not really mentioned to much

Cheers though
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Sleazy on January 09, 2007, 10:40:34 AM
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
Kelch would toss yall haters around like a rag doll!

Anybody who was ALLOWED to skate emb loves Kelch to
death cause they know that in order for them to be able
to do 1 noseslide without  getting clothes lined or having their
shot out board dissapear, that it was Kelch who accepted them.

He never abused that power and even let t-dogs like yourself
skate with the best. As Sam said, he ruled with an iron fist and
a heart of gold. Most of you hating are not familiar with either.
[close]

did you usually take your tounge out his ass before he regulated or would he let you finish up first?
[close]

you must not know that Sanchez and Kelch have been friends for a very long time. your comment was poorly thought out.

my bad, I guess I am way off for trying to call out some jock, ass kissing, alpha dog bullshit at EMB
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: MAGIK INC GROUPIE on January 09, 2007, 10:43:53 AM
call outs on the net??? so bold.

Fucking pussy!
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Sleazy on January 09, 2007, 10:48:01 AM
nope, so bored

and if I am not mistaken, I believe you just called me out
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: MAGIK INC GROUPIE on January 09, 2007, 10:53:02 AM
HOW BOUT YOU JUST STAND ON THE BOARD AND I'LL DO THE PUSHING? MAYBE I CAN YELL JUMP AND WHILE YOU'RE JUMPING I COULD GRAB YOUR BOARD AND FLIP BY HAND?
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Sleazy on January 09, 2007, 10:55:13 AM
uh, yeah

(http://s43.photobucket.com/albums/e362/kp5insd/th_CapsLock.jpg)

it's a wonderful button
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Bruce Wayne on January 09, 2007, 10:57:40 AM
whose posse was more gnar towards the outsiders, LOVE's or EMB's?

if you were a buster then you were a buster plain and simple.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: MAGIK INC GROUPIE on January 09, 2007, 10:59:30 AM
Expand Quote
whose posse was more gnar towards the outsiders, LOVE's or EMB's?
[close]

if you were a buster then you were a buster plain and simple.

HAHAHA!!!

I'M PICTURING SLEAZY GETTING THE BOOT FROM EMB JUST SO HE CAN FLY OUT TO PHILLY TO GET THE BOOT OVER THERE TOO...HEHEHEHE
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Sleazy on January 09, 2007, 11:02:54 AM
I try to live in the present
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: MAGIK INC GROUPIE on January 09, 2007, 11:05:03 AM
MAYBE YOU SHOULD THINK AHEAD AND GO TO SCHOOL.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: uruquay on January 09, 2007, 11:11:15 AM
uh, yeah

(http://s43.photobucket.com/albums/e362/kp5insd/th_CapsLock.jpg)

it's a wonderful button
I can't believe he *actually* just posted this.  : oP
OLD VERT DOG
Guy who likes sleazy.

Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Lomaz on January 09, 2007, 11:26:32 AM
I try to live in the present

but you should learn from the past.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: uruquay on January 09, 2007, 11:29:10 AM
today is a gift
it is the present
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Sleazy on January 09, 2007, 11:30:37 AM
haha
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: slumper on January 09, 2007, 12:31:14 PM
I try to live in the present

and presently you're a douchebag who doesn't know shit about skating and is one of the many reasons this is such a bad messageboard.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Ronald Wilson Reagan on January 09, 2007, 12:51:39 PM
Nah, Sleazy's on point. Jock alpha dog bullshit. Security guards should be the only ones kicking people out of spots or giving them shit. You got a problem with who is skating your favorite spot today? Skate somewhere else. Don't get agro. Also, saying that somebody is a pussy for calling somebody else out in an arena where violence is not an option is a SUPER JOCK thing to say. Its another way of saying "You are smarter than me, and are making me feel stupid/bad about myself, I wish that I could rely on my only means of defense, which is brute force." Pretty jockish.
I got nothing against joking around or being a smartass. If that's all that went down with the vibing at EMB I would be fine with it. But that shit Sanch is saying about getting clotheslined or kids boards dissapearing (I'll assume it was sponsored kids taking boards from kids who had to pay full price- a real classy move) just can not be cool at any level.
Did you guys not know that the EMB crew was just as despised as it was admired?
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: otis b driftwood on January 09, 2007, 01:02:10 PM
Nah, Sleazy's on point. Jock alpha dog bullshit. Security guards should be the only ones kicking people out of spots or giving them shit. You got a problem with who is skating your favorite spot today? Skate somewhere else. Don't get agro. Also, saying that somebody is a pussy for calling somebody else out in an arena where violence is not an option is a SUPER JOCK thing to say. Its another way of saying "You are smarter than me, and are making me feel stupid/bad about myself, I wish that I could rely on my only means of defense, which is brute force." Pretty jockish.
I got nothing against joking around or being a smartass. If that's all that went down with the vibing at EMB I would be fine with it. But that shit Sanch is saying about getting clotheslined or kids boards dissapearing (I'll assume it was sponsored kids taking boards from kids who had to pay full price- a real classy move) just can not be cool at any level.
Did you guys not know that the EMB crew was just as despised as it was admired?

embarcadero was kind of a special case though was it not?
i heard that kelch pretty much started skating there and encouraging every one else to, next thing they've got probably the most progressive and famous crew in history and every hometown hero (jamie thomas) is flying out there trying to be down and get sponsored.

if that was me i'd be clothes lining all day long.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Ronald Wilson Reagan on January 09, 2007, 01:07:22 PM
Expand Quote
Nah, Sleazy's on point. Jock alpha dog bullshit. Security guards should be the only ones kicking people out of spots or giving them shit. You got a problem with who is skating your favorite spot today? Skate somewhere else. Don't get agro. Also, saying that somebody is a pussy for calling somebody else out in an arena where violence is not an option is a SUPER JOCK thing to say. Its another way of saying "You are smarter than me, and are making me feel stupid/bad about myself, I wish that I could rely on my only means of defense, which is brute force." Pretty jockish.
I got nothing against joking around or being a smartass. If that's all that went down with the vibing at EMB I would be fine with it. But that shit Sanch is saying about getting clotheslined or kids boards dissapearing (I'll assume it was sponsored kids taking boards from kids who had to pay full price- a real classy move) just can not be cool at any level.
Did you guys not know that the EMB crew was just as despised as it was admired?
[close]

embarcadero was kind of a special case though was it not?
i heard that kelch pretty much started skating there and encouraging every one else to, next thing they've got probably the most progressive and famous crew in history and every hometown hero (jamie thomas) is flying out there trying to be down and get sponsored.

if that was me i'd be clothes lining all day long.

Clothesline the pro who came out just to get a line at emb? OK. If its just a kid, not so cool.
But your description implies that he is the one that opened pandora's box. You can't start trying to get people to skate a big spot in the middle of downtown San Francisco and not assume its gonna get blown out. Fuck, if Kelch never existed people would still skate embarco. Do you know how easy that spot is to find? Its at the end of one of the most crowded streets in SF!
Kelch didn't make emb. Emb made Kelch
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: otis b driftwood on January 09, 2007, 01:12:30 PM
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
Nah, Sleazy's on point. Jock alpha dog bullshit. Security guards should be the only ones kicking people out of spots or giving them shit. You got a problem with who is skating your favorite spot today? Skate somewhere else. Don't get agro. Also, saying that somebody is a pussy for calling somebody else out in an arena where violence is not an option is a SUPER JOCK thing to say. Its another way of saying "You are smarter than me, and are making me feel stupid/bad about myself, I wish that I could rely on my only means of defense, which is brute force." Pretty jockish.
I got nothing against joking around or being a smartass. If that's all that went down with the vibing at EMB I would be fine with it. But that shit Sanch is saying about getting clotheslined or kids boards dissapearing (I'll assume it was sponsored kids taking boards from kids who had to pay full price- a real classy move) just can not be cool at any level.
Did you guys not know that the EMB crew was just as despised as it was admired?
[close]

embarcadero was kind of a special case though was it not?
i heard that kelch pretty much started skating there and encouraging every one else to, next thing they've got probably the most progressive and famous crew in history and every hometown hero (jamie thomas) is flying out there trying to be down and get sponsored.

if that was me i'd be clothes lining all day long.

[close]
Clothesline the pro who came out just to get a line at emb? OK. If its just a kid, not so cool.
But your description implies that he is the one that opened pandora's box. You can't start trying to get people to skate a big spot in the middle of downtown San Francisco and not assume its gonna get blown out. Fuck, if Kelch never existed people would still skate embarco. Do you know how easy that spot is to find? Its at the end of one of the most crowded streets in SF!
Kelch didn't make emb. Emb made Kelch

well skating was a lot more lowkey then, and people weren't really skating embarcadero type spots until those guys.
couple of years later there's german kids with their parents stopping karl watson in the middle of filming a line nearly knocking him off his board to get a photo (i saw that happen).

it might not be right but you're going to get pissed off.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Sleazy on January 09, 2007, 01:21:53 PM
Didn't Ray Barbee skate emb in public domain?
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: otis b driftwood on January 09, 2007, 01:25:54 PM
Didn't Ray Barbee skate emb in public domain?

probably, natas skated it in streets of fire, danny sargent in useless wooden toys and so on.

it's irrelevant though, i'm saying it was after the crew that kelch always gets credit for starting had blown up there and filmed a few parts that literally thousands of kids from all round the world were turning up there being dicks and basically blowing the spot.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Ronald Wilson Reagan on January 09, 2007, 01:26:28 PM
The bones brigade skates it in "The Search for Animal Chin."

And the incident you saw with Karl is what happens when a lot of big name skateboarders skate a spot in a well known area of a well known skate town that is getting coverage in every magazine and video. THEY blew it out themselves. Deal with it and try not to get to pissed at the tourists, or skate somewhere else.
Oh, and people understood this happened a while before EMB. Thats why pools were kept secret as early as the 70's. You blow out a spot, it becomes to crowded and eventually you have a cop car parked in the middle of the spot.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: otis b driftwood on January 09, 2007, 01:30:56 PM
The bones brigade skates it in "The Search for Animal Chin."

And the incident you saw with Karl is what happens when a lot of big name skateboarders skate a spot in a well known area of a well known skate town that is getting coverage in every magazine and video. THEY blew it out themselves. Deal with it and try not to get to pissed at the tourists, or skate somewhere else.
Oh, and people understood this happened a while before EMB. Thats why pools were kept secret as early as the 70's. You blow out a spot, it becomes to crowded and eventually you have a cop car parked in the middle of the spot.

back on topic.

what do women and kentucky fried chicken have in common?

once you get past the legs and breast all you're left with is a dirty box.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Sleazy on January 09, 2007, 01:33:46 PM
what do gay guys call hemorrhoids?



speed bumps
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Ronald Wilson Reagan on January 09, 2007, 01:34:12 PM
Expand Quote
The bones brigade skates it in "The Search for Animal Chin."

And the incident you saw with Karl is what happens when a lot of big name skateboarders skate a spot in a well known area of a well known skate town that is getting coverage in every magazine and video. THEY blew it out themselves. Deal with it and try not to get to pissed at the tourists, or skate somewhere else.
Oh, and people understood this happened a while before EMB. Thats why pools were kept secret as early as the 70's. You blow out a spot, it becomes to crowded and eventually you have a cop car parked in the middle of the spot.
[close]

back on topic.

what do women and kentucky fried chicken have in common?

once you get past the legs and breast all you're left with is a dirty box.

You got the punchline wrong.

ONce you get through the breastss and thighs you got a greasy box to stick your bone in.

Thats the punchline.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Ronald Wilson Reagan on January 09, 2007, 01:35:23 PM
What did one tampon say to the other as they passed eachother on the street?

Nothin'

They were both stuck up cunts.

What did one condom say to the other as they passed the gay bar?

Want to go in their and get shitfaced?
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: otis b driftwood on January 09, 2007, 01:43:25 PM
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
The bones brigade skates it in "The Search for Animal Chin."

And the incident you saw with Karl is what happens when a lot of big name skateboarders skate a spot in a well known area of a well known skate town that is getting coverage in every magazine and video. THEY blew it out themselves. Deal with it and try not to get to pissed at the tourists, or skate somewhere else.
Oh, and people understood this happened a while before EMB. Thats why pools were kept secret as early as the 70's. You blow out a spot, it becomes to crowded and eventually you have a cop car parked in the middle of the spot.
[close]

back on topic.

what do women and kentucky fried chicken have in common?

once you get past the legs and breast all you're left with is a dirty box.
[close]

You got the punchline wrong.

ONce you get through the breastss and thighs you got a greasy box to stick your bone in.

Thats the punchline.

i don't like that version.

some redneck truck driver guy is driving though some backward part of the US at night with his cargo, he's pretty bored and see's a hitcher so he stops to pick him up.
when the guy starts climbing in he realises he's black and he doesn't want him to sit in the cab so he tells him there's no room and lets him into the trailer with the cargo.
A couple of hours later he runs into a police checkpoint and lets them into the trailer to check it forgetting to tell them about his passenger, next thing he hears some shots going off and runs round to what's going on.
"what the fuck are you shooting at?, it was only bowling balls."

"son, they weren't bowling balls, they were nigger eggs and one of them had hatched"
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Ronald Wilson Reagan on January 09, 2007, 01:45:38 PM
You don't want to stick your bone in a greasy box?
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: otis b driftwood on January 09, 2007, 01:46:41 PM
You don't want to stick your bone in a greasy box?

yeah, i just think my version is more offensive.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Ronald Wilson Reagan on January 09, 2007, 01:49:41 PM
Really? mine has penitration. But you can't argue whats funny. NOw people have both versions.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Sleazy on January 09, 2007, 01:52:39 PM
how do you get four gay guys to sit on a bar stool?




turn it over
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Ronald Wilson Reagan on January 09, 2007, 01:54:33 PM
If a girl with big boobs works at hooters then where does a girl with one leg work?











IHOP
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Sleazy on January 09, 2007, 02:01:13 PM
The Sorority chic mating call

"I'm so drunk..."
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: ymhy on January 09, 2007, 03:02:19 PM
wow, people/fags (turkeylurkey and kev, what a surprise) are actually hating on kelch

this kind of faggotry is exactly what happens when all the kelch's are no longer around to keep wack ass fools in check
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: ymhy on January 09, 2007, 03:03:26 PM
see, skateboarding is full of pansy assed free-thinking, peace loving, liberal faggots who dont understand how necessary vibing is
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: kev on January 09, 2007, 03:04:31 PM
Go play football, jock.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: biggums mcgee on January 09, 2007, 03:04:48 PM
see, skateboarding is full of pansy assed free-thinking, peace loving, liberal faggots who dont understand how necessary vibing is

shut the fuck up
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: ymhy on January 09, 2007, 03:06:17 PM
you only serve to illustrate my point.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: ymhy on January 09, 2007, 03:06:31 PM
you're all like my little pawns and you dont even know it
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: biggums mcgee on January 09, 2007, 03:16:56 PM
your pawns? wait, where is mizzark again?
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: ymhy on January 09, 2007, 03:18:04 PM
beginning to wonder the same thing myself, the bitch should have been here with that dutch by now
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: mungojerry on January 09, 2007, 03:23:35 PM
My whole life Ive been ignored. If I tell them there my Pawns, Theyll only want to pay attention to me more. Finally!
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: MAGIK INC GROUPIE on January 09, 2007, 06:44:16 PM
Nah, Sleazy's on point. Jock alpha dog bullshit. Security guards should be the only ones kicking people out of spots or giving them shit. You got a problem with who is skating your favorite spot today? Skate somewhere else. Don't get agro. Also, saying that somebody is a pussy for calling somebody else out in an arena where violence is not an option is a SUPER JOCK thing to say. Its another way of saying "You are smarter than me, and are making me feel stupid/bad about myself, I wish that I could rely on my only means of defense, which is brute force." Pretty jockish.
I got nothing against joking around or being a smartass. If that's all that went down with the vibing at EMB I would be fine with it. But that shit Sanch is saying about getting clotheslined or kids boards dissapearing (I'll assume it was sponsored kids taking boards from kids who had to pay full price- a real classy move) just can not be cool at any level.
Did you guys not know that the EMB crew was just as despised as it was admired?

 Say what ya will, we were kids, NOT ADULTS!!! Of course we don't carry ourselves  like that now but back then we were sav's. It's just a funny thing to reflect on, nothing to get emo over.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: stagefright on January 10, 2007, 01:16:31 AM
ymhy is right, look at how good emb locals were, all of them. you need the vibing to weed out the wack ass ones. just like on here, there are so many pieces of shit that they just back each other up and never learn. its old news but some people dont get it. ronsom lambert and austen seaholm are a couple of examples of the effect.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Ronald Wilson Reagan on January 10, 2007, 01:57:52 AM
Expand Quote
Nah, Sleazy's on point. Jock alpha dog bullshit. Security guards should be the only ones kicking people out of spots or giving them shit. You got a problem with who is skating your favorite spot today? Skate somewhere else. Don't get agro. Also, saying that somebody is a pussy for calling somebody else out in an arena where violence is not an option is a SUPER JOCK thing to say. Its another way of saying "You are smarter than me, and are making me feel stupid/bad about myself, I wish that I could rely on my only means of defense, which is brute force." Pretty jockish.
I got nothing against joking around or being a smartass. If that's all that went down with the vibing at EMB I would be fine with it. But that shit Sanch is saying about getting clotheslined or kids boards dissapearing (I'll assume it was sponsored kids taking boards from kids who had to pay full price- a real classy move) just can not be cool at any level.
Did you guys not know that the EMB crew was just as despised as it was admired?
[close]

 Say what ya will, we were kids, NOT ADULTS!!! Of course we don't carry ourselves  like that now but back then we were sav's. It's just a funny thing to reflect on, nothing to get emo over.
Thats true. I did some stupid shit when I was a kid too, it just seems super glorified, and I'd prefer it if shit like that stayed in the past
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: donnie_murdo on January 10, 2007, 06:37:28 AM
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
Nah, Sleazy's on point. Jock alpha dog bullshit. Security guards should be the only ones kicking people out of spots or giving them shit. You got a problem with who is skating your favorite spot today? Skate somewhere else. Don't get agro. Also, saying that somebody is a pussy for calling somebody else out in an arena where violence is not an option is a SUPER JOCK thing to say. Its another way of saying "You are smarter than me, and are making me feel stupid/bad about myself, I wish that I could rely on my only means of defense, which is brute force." Pretty jockish.
I got nothing against joking around or being a smartass. If that's all that went down with the vibing at EMB I would be fine with it. But that shit Sanch is saying about getting clotheslined or kids boards dissapearing (I'll assume it was sponsored kids taking boards from kids who had to pay full price- a real classy move) just can not be cool at any level.
Did you guys not know that the EMB crew was just as despised as it was admired?
[close]

 Say what ya will, we were kids, NOT ADULTS!!! Of course we don't carry ourselves  like that now but back then we were sav's. It's just a funny thing to reflect on, nothing to get emo over.
[close]
Thats true. I did some stupid shit when I was a kid too, it just seems super glorified, and I'd prefer it if shit like that stayed in the past

I think till you reach your 20's you do, do a lot of dumb shit that you can't really justify, however, when i was about 19 after leaving school i realised that the amount of bunking school and dumb shit i had done was pretty school then went to college and re-did pretty much 90% of the education i'd missed due to not going to school or basically not caring....

Nothing like torn ligaments and a broken to fuck ankle to make you reassess stupidity
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Sleazy on January 10, 2007, 07:28:10 AM
It kind of reminds me of that surf movie with the suft jocks who beat the shit out of non-locals for dropping in on people. I am so glad I haven't been to a spot where you can get beat down for not being a local and not knowing what time it is.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: ymhy on January 10, 2007, 08:32:20 AM
point break?
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Sleazy on January 10, 2007, 08:49:58 AM
probably that too but I was talking about an actual real surfing flick about the hawaii locals who have that one over tatted, over serious, Mike V type guy who regulates the beach and beats the shit out of tourist who don't know how things work. It's really tight because not only do the tourist get beat down, it's then shared with the whole world in popular surfing videos for added humiliation.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: Ronald Wilson Reagan on January 10, 2007, 01:51:44 PM
Surfers are total jock assholes. Any sort of myth about the laid back surfer dude is bullshit. Those guys are like football players in wetsuits.
Title: Re: KELCH JOKES
Post by: slumper on January 10, 2007, 03:34:50 PM
Kelch didn't make emb. Emb made Kelch

this is the funniest joke in the whole thread.