tinder

[Silky Johnson]

Here to report I fucked my fist fat chick tonight. Kinda stoked.

weird i have the same nickname for old righty

[white rapper]

ok so i matched with this girl on tinder and in her pic she was a solid 9/10 but she was wearing make up. when i met her in person, she wasnt wearing make up and was like way uglier than the picture (rating went down to a 6/10 without makeup). does anyone have similar experiences with girls that look way hotter and way different with make up?

[busey]

[Fenzadill]

Leet you can prob find a pretty sexy hooker for between $100-$200.  Use backpage or craigslist.  I have never paid to fuck a sex worker but my friend who shares the same problems as you swears by it.

You must have laughed out loud when you heard that "Skyline stomp" line.

[chuck d]

[tobey]

tracer is that you??

[JB]

[abudabi]

^hahahahhahaha

[chockfullofthat]

Why did they jump your brother.

[L33Tg33k]

They said he had a "leafy green substance" in his backpack. He didn't.

[Bobby Peru]

I got one of these this week. Pretty in photos and/or side profile in the dark, not quite so pretty face on in the light. We sat down to dinner and our waitress dropped off our menus and I really wished I was on a date with her instead. This isn't to say I wouldn't have jumped her bones had she invited me to jump her bones but she didn't and that's okay.

L33tg33k, if my Facebook feed has taught me anything over the last six months, it's that medication is mind control and racist cops are an invention of Al Sharpton, so you should probably just stop complaining and get your shit together.

[tobey]

how do i get this 17 year to tell me when her birthday is?

i have talked to her before but it was just stupid chit chat, well i was drunk last night and was kind of a douche to her but not like a huge asshole you know i was being like "a cool dude" and she has been texting me since. Now many of our conversations before was me asking her when she turns 18, she would always say if my age was a problem than stop talking to me. Which i would for any other girl but she graduates high school this year so she has to be turning 18 soon and plus shes black and i really want to hook up with a black girl!

I think if i ask her what her zodiac sign is she might get a hold of what i have been basically asking her since we got matched up and than she will stop talking to me

[pencil]

how do i get this 17 year to tell me when her birthday is?

i have talked to her before but it was just stupid chit chat, well i was drunk last night and was kind of a douche to her but not like a huge asshole you know i was being like "a cool dude" and she has been texting me since. Now many of our conversations before was me asking her when she turns 18, she would always say if my age was a problem than stop talking to me. Which i would for any other girl but she graduates high school this year so she has to be turning 18 soon and plus shes black and i really want to hook up with a black girl!

I think if i ask her what her zodiac sign is she might get a hold of what i have been basically asking her since we got matched up and than she will stop talking to me

tobey youre finally going sorta steady with that chick that youre going on that valentines day date with, do you really think shes interested in some dude trying to keep multiple chicks on lock AND that one of them is underage? Nevermind that she is graduating and going to be 18(sorry PALS i couldnt think of a good anti hero joke) but the fact that she is even one day under being a legal adult is going to leave women with the impression that "you like to fuck underage girls"

[tobey]

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how do i get this 17 year to tell me when her birthday is?

i have talked to her before but it was just stupid chit chat, well i was drunk last night and was kind of a douche to her but not like a huge asshole you know i was being like "a cool dude" and she has been texting me since. Now many of our conversations before was me asking her when she turns 18, she would always say if my age was a problem than stop talking to me. Which i would for any other girl but she graduates high school this year so she has to be turning 18 soon and plus shes black and i really want to hook up with a black girl!

I think if i ask her what her zodiac sign is she might get a hold of what i have been basically asking her since we got matched up and than she will stop talking to me

[close]

tobey youre finally going sorta steady with that chick that youre going on that valentines day date with, do you really think shes interested in some dude trying to keep multiple chicks on lock AND that one of them is underage? Nevermind that she is graduating and going to be 18(sorry PALS i couldnt think of a good anti hero joke) but the fact that she is even one day under being a legal adult is going to leave women with the impression that "you like to fuck underage girls"

Yeah that is true i guess im re living my teenage days where i always use to juggle two chicks at once. It never worked than so i dont know why it would work now. Maybe i was just thinking maybe i should hook up with this girl before me and this girl get really serious, if that ever happens. But i don't think shes looking for a relationship with me cause we kind of talked about it before and she didn't seem interested and plus she lives like an hour away ( we got matched up because she was at her grandmoms house who lives in the same town as me). So i think we are just going to be fuck buddies who i like to take out on dates

[pencil]

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how do i get this 17 year to tell me when her birthday is?

i have talked to her before but it was just stupid chit chat, well i was drunk last night and was kind of a douche to her but not like a huge asshole you know i was being like "a cool dude" and she has been texting me since. Now many of our conversations before was me asking her when she turns 18, she would always say if my age was a problem than stop talking to me. Which i would for any other girl but she graduates high school this year so she has to be turning 18 soon and plus shes black and i really want to hook up with a black girl!

I think if i ask her what her zodiac sign is she might get a hold of what i have been basically asking her since we got matched up and than she will stop talking to me

[close]

tobey youre finally going sorta steady with that chick that youre going on that valentines day date with, do you really think shes interested in some dude trying to keep multiple chicks on lock AND that one of them is underage? Nevermind that she is graduating and going to be 18(sorry PALS i couldnt think of a good anti hero joke) but the fact that she is even one day under being a legal adult is going to leave women with the impression that "you like to fuck underage girls"

[close]

Yeah that is true i guess im re living my teenage days where i always use to juggle two chicks at once. It never worked than so i dont know why it would work now. Maybe i was just thinking maybe i should hook up with this girl before me and this girl get really serious, if that ever happens. But i don't think shes looking for a relationship with me cause we kind of talked about it before and she didn't seem interested and plus she lives like an hour away ( we got matched up because she was at her grandmoms house who lives in the same town as me). So i think we are just going to be fuck buddies who i like to take out on dates

just do what will make you happy man, id like to see you happy

[shark tits]

tobey, did you ever read the story about the dog who purloined a lamb chop from the butcher? maybe it was a pork chop but i think it's a lamb chop, so for anyways the dog beat a hasty retreat so's not to be attacked for his theivery. it was a daring daylight robbery and he crossed a bridge at a park on his way to enjoy his repast in private. as he traverses the bridge he sees his reflection in the water and believing it to be another dog w/ what looks like a bigger lamb chop [maybe pork chop, i forget] so he growls open mouthed at the other dog and it isn't til the lamb chop has shattered the mirror surface of the water that he's realized his folly.

i think the moral of the story is don't let your heart be bigger than your stomach.

[tobey]

So i found out your going to have to pay for tinder, like how many times you swipe to get matched up with someone and thats going to make my tinder experience shitty. So i downloaded the okcupid app and i have to come up with a username? I suck at coming up with usernames i feel like a douche thinking what i should call my self, so im letting you guys pick.

Make up a username and ill use it, don't care what it is but if everyone likes it ill use it

[castillo's curls]

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how do i get this 17 year to tell me when her birthday is?

i have talked to her before but it was just stupid chit chat, well i was drunk last night and was kind of a douche to her but not like a huge asshole you know i was being like "a cool dude" and she has been texting me since. Now many of our conversations before was me asking her when she turns 18, she would always say if my age was a problem than stop talking to me. Which i would for any other girl but she graduates high school this year so she has to be turning 18 soon and plus shes black and i really want to hook up with a black girl!

I think if i ask her what her zodiac sign is she might get a hold of what i have been basically asking her since we got matched up and than she will stop talking to me

[close]

tobey youre finally going sorta steady with that chick that youre going on that valentines day date with, do you really think shes interested in some dude trying to keep multiple chicks on lock AND that one of them is underage? Nevermind that she is graduating and going to be 18(sorry PALS i couldnt think of a good anti hero joke) but the fact that she is even one day under being a legal adult is going to leave women with the impression that "you like to fuck underage girls"

[close]

Yeah that is true i guess im re living my teenage days where i always use to juggle two chicks at once. It never worked than so i dont know why it would work now. Maybe i was just thinking maybe i should hook up with this girl before me and this girl get really serious, if that ever happens. But i don't think shes looking for a relationship with me cause we kind of talked about it before and she didn't seem interested and plus she lives like an hour away ( we got matched up because she was at her grandmoms house who lives in the same town as me). So i think we are just going to be fuck buddies who i like to take out on dates

Dude, that's nothing.

I know, I know, social anxiety, can only drive for 20 minutes bla bla

[MFS]

It's very hard to get a job when you have mental health issues.

I disagree. I have had panic disorder and severe anxiety my whole life and by working with a psych and taking care of myself ive managed to stay out of trouble, get clean and hold down a job always. if you dont take care of yourself you are to blame, not your mental health problems. there plenty of things you starting with not drinking. I used alcohol as my crutch with my mental health for years and it only made me worse and act out till i started getting in trouble. its the devil if you a mentally sick.

[chillout]

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Expand Quote

how do i get this 17 year to tell me when her birthday is?

i have talked to her before but it was just stupid chit chat, well i was drunk last night and was kind of a douche to her but not like a huge asshole you know i was being like "a cool dude" and she has been texting me since. Now many of our conversations before was me asking her when she turns 18, she would always say if my age was a problem than stop talking to me. Which i would for any other girl but she graduates high school this year so she has to be turning 18 soon and plus shes black and i really want to hook up with a black girl!

I think if i ask her what her zodiac sign is she might get a hold of what i have been basically asking her since we got matched up and than she will stop talking to me

[close]

tobey youre finally going sorta steady with that chick that youre going on that valentines day date with, do you really think shes interested in some dude trying to keep multiple chicks on lock AND that one of them is underage? Nevermind that she is graduating and going to be 18(sorry PALS i couldnt think of a good anti hero joke) but the fact that she is even one day under being a legal adult is going to leave women with the impression that "you like to fuck underage girls"

[close]

Yeah that is true i guess im re living my teenage days where i always use to juggle two chicks at once. It never worked than so i dont know why it would work now. Maybe i was just thinking maybe i should hook up with this girl before me and this girl get really serious, if that ever happens. But i don't think shes looking for a relationship with me cause we kind of talked about it before and she didn't seem interested and plus she lives like an hour away ( we got matched up because she was at her grandmoms house who lives in the same town as me). So i think we are just going to be fuck buddies who i like to take out on dates

yo just be yourself. happiness will find you

[Coastal Fever]

I'm sure they'll temporarily make tons of money off thirsty dudes when they start charging for unlimited swipes.. but how many girls will pay for it?  If this kills tinder like I assume it will, I'll be pretty bummed, it's too good of a thing to lose.

[Glue Reed]

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[close]

I got one of these this week. Pretty in photos and/or side profile in the dark, not quite so pretty face on in the light. We sat down to dinner and our waitress dropped off our menus and I really wished I was on a date with her instead. This isn't to say I wouldn't have jumped her bones had she invited me to jump her bones but she didn't and that's okay.

L33tg33k, if my Facebook feed has taught me anything over the last six months, it's that medication is mind control and racist cops are an invention of Al Sharpton, so you should probably just stop complaining and get your shit together.

Goddamn, if this isn't one of the most frustrating situations.  Right up there with the 'meet my much cuter roomate' scenario

[tobey]

Never mind about the 17 year old i felt to weird texting her and plus i just got matched up with another black girl my age.

[Joel Wilson]

do this to ur tinder if ur tryna get it to pop off



but in all seriousness, big up tobey for doing tinder properly

[L33Tg33k]

So I'm on this Tinder clone called High There. It's for people who like the marijuana. I matched with a few 400 pound 40-50 year olds. Don't get me wrong, I still message the obese 45 year olds, but they aren't ideal. Then I got a match from a normal woman my age. I messaged her and the craziest thing happened. She messaged me back. I messaged her again. She replied again. At this point, I'm flabbergasted. This is the furthest I've ever gotten. Now I'm concerned with just keeping her engaged on this app and getting her number. The thing is I don't know what else to say to her. Four lines of dialogue and I've already run out of things to say. Now I'm nowhere near this point, but it has occurred to me, what am supposed to tell a girl if she wants to meet me? What is she expecting out of me? How do I escalate our interaction to something sexual? How can I be sure if that's what she wants? Do I tell her I have no experience in anything? I don't want to set her up with false expectations.

Part of me just wants her to be interested in getting free weed from me.

Maybe you guys can just tell me what to say. She asked me what shows I watch on Netflix. Tell me something girls watch so I don't have to tell her I just watch cartoons and anime.

[KING TUT]

talk about weed for a while. if she is asking you questions that means she's interested in you,  tell her you like all those shows everyone else loves Game of Thrones, Mad Men, walking dead , breaking bad she will have to like atleast a few of these. some girls love anime, you could mention how you watch them every now and then but if she doesn't dig it don't run with it. she has set this up for you to say 'hey we should have a smoke and watch netflix' say you will supply the green... have a chat for a while first, you have a good base here with the weed and netflix and subject changes come easy once you guys have started having a good conversation about one of those topics.  if you do get to meet her, after hanging out a while you will know if she wants anything sexual or not, you will get vibes,  if you guys have been having a good time its safe to go for a kiss. don't tell her you don't have any experience (although some girls like virgin guys) but you would know whether you could bring that up based on the connection you are feeling with her. Be confident its only some chick on an app.


p.s smoking a lot of weed can't be good with all your mental issues man. that shit can fuck your head up

[Tarela]

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It's very hard to get a job when you have mental health issues.

[close]

[close]

such bullshit. some of you guys need to snap out of it and man the fuck up. quit letting your mental health issues hinder your life/goals.

i was diagnosed with depression/bi-polar disorder at around 13-14 years old. tried killing myself 2 or 3 times before i even graduated highschool. years later i had a breakdown and got 5150'd a few times (when police forcibly take you to a mental hospital for a 3 day hold). they then said i was also schizophrenic/suffering from anxiety/delusions of reference, etc.

i'd see a therapist, take medication, get social security, the whole deal.

all this time, whether at the peak of my craziness or in a more lucid state, i still was able to get jobs and keep them. it's all on you.

retail, grocery or warehouse jobs will hire anyone. go to a temp agency if you're having trouble finding work.

quit being a bitch, apply yourself and get a job. your "disease" isn't crippling you and stopping you from progressing, you are.

[close]

[close]

Uhh, I have a criminal history that regularly disqualifies me from employment. That has been the biggest hindrance for me. Not to mention the court system has been fucking me for years. I originally took a plea bargain for a misdemeanor and 3 years probation. Due to "clerical error" I was in the system as a felon. Just skating was a problem for me because I was a "4th waiver" meaning cops could and would regularly handcuff and search my shit when they let everyone else around me go. I supposedly got that fixed after a year and some paper work but I was still on probation. When that ended I did all the leg work to have my record expunged. Guess what happened when I got a background check ran on me when I was trying to get financial aid for vocational school. I came up as a felon, despite all the bullshit I went through to fix it. They turned me away because I'm apparently a criminal.

You want to know why I got caught up with charges in the first place? Goddamn undercover public transit security guards jumped my brother and I fought them off not knowing they were security guards. When I went to court one of the security guards said I hit him with my skateboard for good measure (I didn't). The judge was appalled at my behavior especially after he read the report for the security guard wherein I'm quoted as saying such bullshit as, "Get him, blood!", and "I'm about to Skyline stomp this nigga!". You can guess that I don't speak like that. The judge was a real piece of shit. I watched how he treated minority defendants with hostility and some white girl with all the benefit of the doubt before it was my turn to stand before him. My lawyer urged me to take the plea bargain for defending my brother from his attackers. This essentially ruined my ability to gain job experience for years on top of my personality disorder and major depression. I'm currently in the process of getting this latest "clerical error" fixed. This shit has followed me for the past eight years.

I have a personality disorder that doesn't allow me to get along with people. I'm clinically diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder. I think I posted a link to it earlier, but I'll do it again. http://www.theravive.com/therapedia/Avoidant-Personality-Disorder-DSM--5-301.82-(F60.6) I literally can't get close enough to people to network with and make advantageous connections. There's a reason why I'm a 26 year old kissless virgin who's never had a close friend. I've had a few jobs. All of which I've been let go from because of my inability to wear a smile and be outgoing. I've interviewed for other jobs where I thought I hit it out of the park, but upon talking to the people that hire, I was either passed over because of my perceived disinterest, criminal record, or lack of experience. I did try. I do try. Trying isn't enough. I'm not saying I can't get it right eventually. I'm saying it would be disingenuous to say nothing is hindering my success. I'm currently working with my local career center to make myself more employable. Hopefully something works out. I've been filing paperwork out my ass and going to a shit ton of meetings on top of my multiple times a week therapy.

There's tons more shit going on in my life, but that was just for a little perspective. I know I've got it better than a lot of people out there but that doesn't put you in any position to assume to know what others are going through. I'll continue to try to better my station in life, but don't you give me any shit for acknowledging setbacks.

Damn that sucks.. what state do you live in? Ive known people to also have clerical issues that get them in bullshit

[ill_Murray]

So I'm on this Tinder clone called High There. It's for people who like the marijuana. I matched with a few 400 pound 40-50 year olds. Don't get me wrong, I still message the obese 45 year olds, but they aren't ideal. Then I got a match from a normal woman my age. I messaged her and the craziest thing happened. She messaged me back. I messaged her again. She replied again. At this point, I'm flabbergasted. This is the furthest I've ever gotten. Now I'm concerned with just keeping her engaged on this app and getting her number. The thing is I don't know what else to say to her. Four lines of dialogue and I've already run out of things to say. Now I'm nowhere near this point, but it has occurred to me, what am supposed to tell a girl if she wants to meet me? What is she expecting out of me? How do I escalate our interaction to something sexual? How can I be sure if that's what she wants? Do I tell her I have no experience in anything? I don't want to set her up with false expectations.

Part of me just wants her to be interested in getting free weed from me.


Maybe you guys can just tell me what to say. She asked me what shows I watch on Netflix. Tell me something girls watch so I don't have to tell her I just watch cartoons and anime.

Most chick's don't want to feel like you're bartering for their time, that's why the whole "can I buy you a drink?" spiel is outdated.  

Just ask her to hangout and channel your inner Questlove, I know you can do it l33t.  

[Fenzadill]

L33t:

The hard part is already over man.  She matched with you and is bringing up Netflix because she's trying to move the conversation towards meeting.  Know that she is already attracted to you, so all you have to do is meet up and be funny and witty like you naturally are, ask questions about her.  Offer up interesting shit about yourself.  You will feel the vibe, and it will come naturally.

There are no consequences to these actions.  This is v exciting, but don't be too nervous, if anything happens that is not to your liking, you never gotta see this chick again.  The absolute worst thing that can happen is slight social awkwardness for a few seconds, and that is so fleeting and trifling so who gives a shit, just be confident with this knowledge and go for it.

Definitely mention that you skate, as much as its kind of a trite at this point to say chicks dig skateboarding, it is true.

What's this chicks deal?  What kinda shows does she like?  What does she do for fun?  How does she dress?

[JB]

leet, vice just wrote you an article, man. i havent read it, but i hope this along with your recent match are a sign that the stars are aligning for you.

http://www.vice.com/read/the-vice-guide-to-chatting-up-girls-written-by-girls