the not-knowing-how-to-be-an-adult thing is something a lot of skateboarders seem to face upon entering the late 20's, early 30's. probably because skateboarding indirectly teaches you 'being an adult' really doesn't mean much (being responsible does, however ; maybe that's where the fine line is) and it's merely a pre-made concept society likes to engrain in people to pressure them into behaving as active consumers. entering the 30's you're more and more bound to deal with people having expectations from you (especially if you've found a person you'd like to nurture a long-term relationship with at that point), and thus you're more and more likely to question your fundamental life choices, but in reality you don't have to give up on your youth, identity, personality... to fit into some kind of abstract mold. i see people my age (and with different backgrounds) who resent this fantasy of a dilemma so much, and have a hard time dealing with it, resulting in constant anguish influencing everything they attempt, when i don't think they really have to make any drastic choices like that just to claim they've fixated themselves on either end of the dilemma. you're not just a 'kid' or a 'man-child' or an 'adult', you're a person, first and foremost, and human beings are complex. just be and do you, if you feel like you can (and want) to embrace certain responsibilities that will benefit your lifestyle then please do so, but you feel like you can't for now then just embrace that idea and let things come naturally at the pace that feels right to you, or you might end up in a position you're not prepared for and won't know how to handle, for you won't even understand what the hell is happening to you in the first place, like in the fucking talking heads song. i think i've been in that position before, and it was fucking impossible. now some years have passed and i understand what i'm doing (and why i'm doing it) a lot more, fundamentally, and i feel a whole lot better.