Disclaimer: I recognize that I’m fortunate to even be in the situation I’m in now, which millions of other people cannot say the same. With that said, I’ve always believed anxiety is a relative thing and I never point fingers at anyone for expressing their fears/anxieties, especially if I have never met them.
My company announced this morning they are extending our work from home period to the end of the year. I read that and immediately had a sinking feeling about it. My job can be done remotely, sure, but I am really starting to miss basic human contact with a lot of my coworkers.
Prior to this whole WFH period, I was traveling at least (1) week out of every month, internationally. Nothing ever felt the same and I thrived in that instability. Even being married (which I am so fortunate to have the wife I do), it was a really nice change of pace to see a new city or country every month. When the time permitted, my wife could also stay with me and experience everything I was and only had to pay for the plane ticket.
I’m on month 3 of not traveling and the lack of change is really starting to take its toll. I rarely go outside. I live in a relatively small/quiet suburb next to the ocean and I can’t even legally take a walk on the beach here. The basic things I took for granted are really starting to add up.
This morning, I woke up at 4:30a to work and the email came. I immediately started creating a grocery list to occupy my mind for at least the first half of the day. Went to the store and almost had a full-blown panic attack. For context, I grew up with excruciating social anxiety and eventually turned to Xanax. Within about 3 years, I was chewing Xanax bars and downing them with a beer at 6am before getting to work. Thank whatever higher power might be out there for rehab and family.
Anyways, the panic attack I had this morning was intense and made me immediately think two things: I don’t know how long I can strap a smile on my face through this and I really wish I lived in some desolate area where I was ignorantly blind to what’s happening.
This is a long ramble and I apologize if it sounds insensitive to people who have lost jobs, family members or anything else during this time. Keep your heads up and keep talking to each other here. Despite me rarely engaging on anything below the surface, I look forward to few things in my day and SLAP is one of them.
Topic: Mental Health Issues (Read 39789 times)