crap claims to fame...

[ok boomer]

When I was in first grade, one of the local news channels came to talk to kids about Christmas. Standard "what do you want" "have you been a good fucc boi this year?" etc.

Well, for some reason when it was my turn, I told the pretty lady that I'd been to the North Pole, and been to Santa's workshop, seen reindeer etc. My memory of this is pretty vague, but I do recall that the more I talked, the lady seemed more happy so I just kept on with my bullshit I guess.

Anyway, all the adults from the elementary school thought this was great or cute or whatever and I was like a little celeb for a week or so. My mom likes to bust out the VHS of this around Christmas, but I've dodged it the past 5 years.

[lampshade]

I got to smoke a blunt with Red and Meth at a bar while on spring break in Jamaica.  It was one of those giant spring break parties.  Ziggy Marley was playing.  It was before Red and Meth were really big.  I noticed them in a shadowed corner b/c they're both tall AF.  I love their music, but I don't like to fan out/annoy people.  One of my friends is way more outgoing than me.  Meth had a blunt tucked behind his ear.  My friend goes, "Yo Meth, you need a light?"  He was down.     

[50mm]

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Interviewed on the local news when a guy I got caught jacking off in the school bushes.

[close]

Honesty is best policy.

[close]

The first time I read this, I read it as "School buses."  I don't know which one is better/worse.

Me either. The dude was stalking some girl that went to my school for a while. Scary as hell to think about when you're older. He was in the bushes when I was at PE. I saw security and a principal pointing and the cops came, but we didn't know what was happening. A rumor went around that there was the dude jacking off but it seemed too crazy. Then we got some letter at the end of the day to give our parents. My best friend and I are leaving about to get picked up by my mom and they got a fucking tripod and everything setup. I just remember my friend in the backseat looking pissed with a big ass afro.

[Trashcon]

I’ve got a few wild ones

Almost got into a drunken fight with Dennis Rodman

Went to Henry Rollins house and listened to David Bowie and talked about records

Beat Al Michaels in a game of pool

My dad fucked a Manson girl


My dad fucked a Scientologist that secretly gave birth to a girl that was raised in the cult and became a seaorg member (mentioned in the Braille thread)

My mom hung out with Al from SSD

I grew up around the corner from mike watt

How was that expensive sound system?

I saw him at Amoeba Records once. I was holding a few records, as I was walking past him, he noticed I had a Roky Erickson record. He gave me a nod, exchanged a few words, and we both went our way. I'm 5'9" and I was still taller than him, he was wearing military style boots that gave him extra height. He looked hella intimidating but was nice.

[Freelancevagrant]

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I’ve got a few wild ones

Almost got into a drunken fight with Dennis Rodman

Went to Henry Rollins house and listened to David Bowie and talked about records

Beat Al Michaels in a game of pool

My dad fucked a Manson girl


My dad fucked a Scientologist that secretly gave birth to a girl that was raised in the cult and became a seaorg member (mentioned in the Braille thread)

My mom hung out with Al from SSD

I grew up around the corner from mike watt

[close]

How was that expensive sound system?

I saw him at Amoeba Records once. I was holding a few records, as I was walking past him, he noticed I had a Roky Erickson record. He gave me a nod, exchanged a few words, and we both went our way. I'm 5'9" and I was still taller than him, he was wearing military style boots that gave him extra height. He looked hella intimidating but was nice.

Easily one of my most cherished memories, it was fucking incredible. The sound system was unreal, basically took over his entire living room. No tv or anything (obviously). We went through his records and he said he was going through a series noise phase because he felt that it was this generations hardcore. He also showed me a drawing that d. Boone did for him, the story was that they were on tour and d. Boone at Rollins sandwich and Rollins went off the fucking rails on d. and to apologize d got him another sandwich and drew him a portrait of Rollins yelling at him on a napkin.

[Missled Yutes]

I met Michael Imperioli aka Christopher from The Sopranos at a bar in Honolulu.

When I was in eighth grade, I won a skateboarding contest which took place in the gym in front of the whole school. I won a set of Ricta wheels and one of the judges was a kid who appeared after the credits in PJLWHL for like two seconds.

[brycickle]

Sold a bottle of Dave Matthews brand wine to Dave Matthews, along with some nice scotch. It took me too long to realize who he was, so I missed my opportunity to play his shitty music over the speakers for him.

[NORTHBYMIDWEST]

I cooked a walleye for Charlie Daniels

[Uncle Flea]

I’ve got a few wild ones

Almost got into a drunken fight with Dennis Rodman

Went to Henry Rollins house and listened to David Bowie and talked about records

Beat Al Michaels in a game of pool

My dad fucked a Manson girl

My dad fucked a Scientologist that secretly gave birth to a girl that was raised in the cult and became a seaorg member (mentioned in the Braille thread)

My mom hung out with Al from SSD

I grew up around the corner from mike watt

Was the fight just before halloween?

[VHS ERA]

my homegirl fucked Chad Muska in Vegas during his peak fame Paris Hilton years

[layzieyez]

my homegirl fucked Chad Muska in Vegas during his peak fame Paris Hilton years

You're practically related

[JANUS]

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my homegirl fucked Chad Muska in Vegas during his peak fame Paris Hilton years

[close]

You're practically related

No egg roll

[Freelancevagrant]

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I’ve got a few wild ones

Almost got into a drunken fight with Dennis Rodman

Went to Henry Rollins house and listened to David Bowie and talked about records

Beat Al Michaels in a game of pool

My dad fucked a Manson girl

My dad fucked a Scientologist that secretly gave birth to a girl that was raised in the cult and became a seaorg member (mentioned in the Braille thread)

My mom hung out with Al from SSD

I grew up around the corner from mike watt

[close]

Was the fight just before halloween?

No it was in April of 2015 at the Newport Hotel. He used to bang my wife’s cousin. Me and my wife were there with my best friend, my wife’s cousin and her at the time boyfriend, drinking and smoking having a grand old time. Then my wife’s cousin notices the worm at the bar, ditches all of us to say hello. She ditched us for like 45 minutes and we all thought it was pretty sus, and I’d had thrown a few back and thought it was a good idea to get all up in his shit. Some words were exchanged, he was far drunker than me and eventually tried to call security by yelling security then he stumbled off.

[Uncle Flea]

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I’ve got a few wild ones

Almost got into a drunken fight with Dennis Rodman

Went to Henry Rollins house and listened to David Bowie and talked about records

Beat Al Michaels in a game of pool

My dad fucked a Manson girl

My dad fucked a Scientologist that secretly gave birth to a girl that was raised in the cult and became a seaorg member (mentioned in the Braille thread)

My mom hung out with Al from SSD

I grew up around the corner from mike watt

[close]

Was the fight just before halloween?

[close]

No it was in April of 2015 at the Newport Hotel. He used to bang my wife’s cousin. Me and my wife were there with my best friend, my wife’s cousin and her at the time boyfriend, drinking and smoking having a grand old time. Then my wife’s cousin notices the worm at the bar, ditches all of us to say hello. She ditched us for like 45 minutes and we all thought it was pretty sus, and I’d had thrown a few back and thought it was a good idea to get all up in his shit. Some words were exchanged, he was far drunker than me and eventually tried to call security by yelling security then he stumbled off.

I know Al and Nancy. Good people

[Madam, I'm Adam]

Sold a bottle of Dave Matthews brand wine to Dave Matthews, along with some nice scotch. It took me too long to realize who he was, so I missed my opportunity to play his shitty music over the speakers for him.

Buying his own wine. What a crafty businessman.

"Somebody's gotta move these units!"

[AssMountain]

I was in an episode of Antiques Roadshow when it came to Oldham in about 1997.

I was one year old and you can see me and my mum in the background at one point while some people discuss an old clock or something. Think my nan still has it on tape somewhere.

[igrindtwinkies]

Earl Parker lived in my city with his dad before moving to California and writing for Big Brother.  Earl's dad mentions a few of my friends in Big Brother #7.

[pizzafliptofakie]

A literal crap claim to fame of mine is that I got interviewed on the news about a somewhat viral story of someone repeatedly shitting on a local playground slide and I got to make poop jokes on the air.



And the SawCon thing lol.

[finecojeffe]

When I still lived in Los Angeles I went to a bar/club called Dragonfly to watch bands play 80's night (this was around 2004-2005) and I'd often see actors and actresses there. One particular night I saw Mario Lopez. I had just finished taking a piss in their overcrowded bathroom and I was waiting to wash my hands. Mario is there at the sink about to put his hands under the faucet without looking because he was in mid conversation with someone. Some person to his left decided the sink was where they should take a leak, and what seems like total slow motion I watch as Mario moves his hands closer to the faucet, about to wash his hands in the wrong stream. My crap claim to fame is not crap...it's piss, or more accurately I was able to interrupt the potential mishap and warn AC Slater of what he was about to do. I didn't get a high five for my efforts fortunately.

[NORTHBYMIDWEST]

And the SawCon thing lol.

This is fucking all time hahaha

[cucktard]

Ben Schroeder mysteriously commented sarcastic laughing faces on my Instagram photo of my DIY Covid masks.

I checked his page and he seems to be on an ‘anti-government behavior control’ kind of kick, but I have no idea why he lurked me out of the blue.

Maybe because I was commenting on Duanes’s page. But I have no idea.

[Uncle Flea]

My good homie ian was in Slap Mag article when he was a little kid. Had something to do with little kid musicians. Sub pop was interested in him at the time.
There was a photo of him with guitar strings sticking out of his mouth.

Anyway he's also my drummer. Here a stellar track he one man banded. It's going into the VM pack

https://m.soundcloud.com/ianclark84/murder-or-suicide

[layzieyez]

I forgot I also tried to bum a cigarette from Bob Mould at the 40 watt club one night. He had passed by earlier and I was joking with a friend that he looked an awful lot like the guy from Husker Du. I'm not sure if he overheard my comment, but he wouldn't give me one. He probably knew I wasn't going to smoke it and instead frame it for my wall. It was camel unfiltered.

[honey island]

i went on several dates with noël wells, before having to block her, after she digested too many mushrooms, and decided to send me 60+ messages in the span of 20 mins

[Freelancevagrant]

I forgot one, when I was in 9th grade I made out with scout Moore at a party while listening to prodigy.

[johnes]

My brother in law played baseball for the Braves and Orioles.
I visited my sister and him in Atlanta, summer after 11th grade and got to go with him and walk into the Braves locker room (it was empty he just needed to grab some stuff from his locker).
He was never a big name.
Jesse Garcia
They have a funny old picture of Ken Griffey jr. holding my niece when she was a baby and her diaper and pants are clearly wet with pee in his arms.

[Coolguy69]

I forgot one, when I was in 9th grade I made out with scout Moore at a party while listening to prodigy.

Very important question, were you listening to the prodigy (fire starter) or prodigy of mob deep.

Cameron Diaz came into the “Organic focused” grocery store I worked at apparently about 10 mins after I left one day. We’re pretty much as close as it gets.

[ihatejulio]

My grandfather won a grandfather clock on the Price is Right.

[Freelancevagrant]

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I forgot one, when I was in 9th grade I made out with scout Moore at a party while listening to prodigy.

[close]

Very important question, were you listening to the prodigy (fire starter) or prodigy of mob deep.

Cameron Diaz came into the “Organic focused” grocery store I worked at apparently about 10 mins after I left one day. We’re pretty much as close as it gets.

Definitely listening to fat of the land by prodigy.

Unfortunately, no mobb deep was played.

Party full of shook ones.

[HyenaChaser]

I did modeling for a speaker/headphone company, but they only used the photos where I'm blurred in the background.

I'm an extra in a major motion picture and if you don't blink at the right time you can see me walk by.

The local paper here did a short interview and took photos of me skating when they came to the skatepark. I knew they were gonna have some shitty shots but it ended being worse: they used the bail. And mentioned me by name in the caption.

Other than that my shitty band had regional notoriety and I have familial connections to famous people in Hollywood.