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General Discussion => WHATEVER => Topic started by: kentrock on July 20, 2018, 03:14:40 PM
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teacher asks the class, who can use the word "before" in a sentence. DeShawn raises his hand, teacher says, "okay, can you use the word "before" in a sentence?" DeShawn responds, "two and two be four".
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teacher asks the class, who can use the word "before" in a sentence. DeShawn raises his hand, teacher says, "okay, can you use the word "before" in a sentence?" DeShawn responds, "two and two be four".
Can you spell dictate? D...I...c... ok ok ok can you use it in a sentence? Shawnda, howd my dictate last night?
I'll see myself out
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wut do eating pussy and smoking cigarettes have in common? the closer to the butt you get the worse it tastes.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnsFblWX5cU
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If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.
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How does a Muslim close the door? Islams it.
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what do you call a group of mexican stoners? baked beans.
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There's a new drug for lesbians on the market to cure depression, it's called Trycoxagain.
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what does a white woman and a tampon have in common? theyre both stuck up cunts.
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why is it that bars wont serve you if youre drunk, but mcdonalds continues to serve fat people?
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why is it that bars wont serve you if youre drunk, but mcdonalds continues to serve fat people?
that's just a sad observation
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i asked a chinese girl for her phone number, "sex! sex! sex! free sex tonight!" I said, "WOW!" Her friend said, "she means 666-3629."
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Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
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A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”
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(https://media.giphy.com/media/iSxPmDWr97248/giphy.gif)
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i bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday- i dont know what he laced them with but i was trippen all day
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Donald Trump was golfing with Barack Obama. The Donald said, “Listen Barack, I’m getting older and I’m having trouble sexually satisfying my young wife. I know that you black guys are supposed to be magic in bed. Can you give me a few pointers?” Barack gave Donald a few ideas and that night Donald made love to his wife. He did everything he was told. He started out slowly entering his wife gently then finished hard. Melania came quickly screaming. “Oh Donald, You fuck just like Barack Obama.”
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What is the difference between Trump and a flying pig? The letter F
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oh my goodness, you're almost as good as 'bad joke'!
these are terrible but im dying.
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two gay guys are having sex when the house catches on fire, which one gets out first, the top or bottom? the bottom, he's already got his shit packed.
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There's two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says:
"You man the guns, I'll drive."
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How do you drown a hipster?
Throw him in the mainstream.
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So this is just an excuse for kentrock to be racist? Reported.
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So this is just an excuse for kentrock to be racist? Reported.
Don't, butthole sniffer is enjoying himself and he's not racist, so it's all good.
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Expand Quote
So this is just an excuse for kentrock to be racist? Reported.
Don't, butthole sniffer is enjoying himself and he's not racist, so it's all good.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgzGwKwLmgM
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Bear and a Rabbit side by side in the woods taking a shit
Bear to Rabbit: "Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?"
Rabbit: "No, not at all"
The bear picks him up and wipes his ass with him.
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roughneck walks into a bar after working in the oil fields all day.
gay man is seated in the back.
roughneck says 'i'm so thirst i could lick the sweat off a cows balls.'
the gay guy goes 'mooo'
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what do you call a cheap circumcision? a rip off.
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what do a woman's pussy and a chainsaw have in common? miss by a few inches and youre in deep shit.
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whats the difference between acne and a catholic priest? acne comes on a boys face after hes 12.
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what is the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? a hockey player showers after 3 periods.
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SodaJerk's first high school football game was a lot like the first time he had sex. He was bloody and sore at the end, but at least his dad came.
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how do you tell if a hippie chick is on the rag? she's only got one sock.
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how do you cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? tell them you cant cum.
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what do you call a masturbating cow? beef stroke-n-off
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What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
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what do you call kids born in whorehouses? brothel sprouts.
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What do a chainsaw and a woman's pussy have in common? TEETH. SHARP TEETH.
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What’s the difference between a pick-pocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.
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it's so hot, I actually saw a tweaker putting copper back inside an air conditioner.
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two condoms are walking down the street at night and they see a gay bar. one condom turns to the other and says, "hey, you wanna go get shitfaced?"
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why do gays know so much about clothes? they spent the first decade or two of their lives in the closet.
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what happened to the asian who walked into a wall with a boner? he hit his nose.
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one day in the locker room, Bob sees a fat man with a cork in his ass. curious, he asks the fat man how it got there. "well," says the fat man, "i was walking along the beach when i tripped over a lamp. there was a puff of smoke and this great magnificent guy in a turban came rolling out, it said, i am a genie. for releasing me i can grant you one wish? And i said, 'No shit!'"
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what do you call a bisexual person that is not in a relationship? all bi myself.
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why does the bride always wear white? because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
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how do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? call her and tell her about it.
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what's the difference between anal sex and a microwave?
with anal sex you can brown your meat without actually cooking it.
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What did the leper say to the hooker?
Keep the tip.....
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So I was out drinking at my local the other night and this jewish girl comes up and asks for my number,
I told her "We use names around here."
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Why did the chicken cross the road carrying a bible?
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He was going to churches
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Not really jokes but some good zipzaps for when you want to put someone in their place
You are the poster child for abortion......
You're are as useful as Anne Frank's drumkit...
What do you use for contraceptives, Your personality?
Somewhere out there, is a tree that produces oxygen just so you can breathe, go and apologize to it.
I hope you outlive your children, so biting and harsh that it can be used in conversation
I'd call you a cunt, but you lack both the depth and the warmth.
feel free to add your best I stole some but gladly would love to hear some more.
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You're a failed abortion whose birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory
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tragic.
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what's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild? a $100 bill!
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Your family's semen is tainted with moonshine, inbreeding, and shame.....
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You're a failed abortion whose birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory
aw man
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what did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm? how are we supposed to find an egg in all of this shit?
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why is a woman's pussy like a public restroom? they both feel good, but you wonder who has been there before you
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what do you call the useless flesh that surrounds a vagina? the woman
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what do you call the worst thread on slap?
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Q: What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
A: Juan on Juan.
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A woman goes to a doctor named Dr. Wong. "Doctor, I can't get a date, no one will go out with me." In a very thick Asian accent, Dr. Wong says, "Take off clothes and get on all four hands and knees." She does. "Now crawl to wall." She does so and looks back at him. "I know what wrong." “What is it Doctor! What do I have?" "You have Ed Zachary disease." "Ed Zachary disease? What is that?!" "You face look Ed Zachary like you ass!"
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Little Johnny's teacher gives the class a homework assignment, "Explain the difference between a theory and reality." Little Johnny goes home and is so stumped he asks his sisters ages 21 and 16 for help, and they can't come up with anything either. He then tries asking his father. The father thinks for a bit and replies, "Go to your older sister and ask her if she would suck a guys dick. Then ask her if she would do it for a million dollars. Then go to your younger sister and ask her the same two questions. Write down their answers and bring it back to me." Johnny says, "Okay," and runs off to find his older sister. He asks her the first question and she responds, "Maybe, if I like him." "Would you do it for a million dollars?" She replies, "Hell yes!" He finds the younger sister and asks her the same questions. Her first reply was "Eeeew, no!" but the second answer was "Yeah, sure." Johnny writes down their answers and takes them back to his father. The father looks over them and replies, "There you go." Johnny asks, "What do you mean?" The father says, "Well in theory we have two million dollars, but in reality we have two cocksuckers."
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Little Johnny's teacher gives the class a homework assignment, "Explain the difference between a theory and reality." Little Johnny goes home and is so stumped he asks his sisters ages 21 and 16 for help, and they can't come up with anything either. He then tries asking his father. The father thinks for a bit and replies, "Go to your older sister and ask her if she would suck a guys dick. Then ask her if she would do it for a million dollars. Then go to your younger sister and ask her the same two questions. Write down their answers and bring it back to me." Johnny says, "Okay," and runs off to find his older sister. He asks her the first question and she responds, "Maybe, if I like him." "Would you do it for a million dollars?" She replies, "Hell yes!" He finds the younger sister and asks her the same questions. Her first reply was "Eeeew, no!" but the second answer was "Yeah, sure." Johnny writes down their answers and takes them back to his father. The father looks over them and replies, "There you go." Johnny asks, "What do you mean?" The father says, "Well in theory we have two million dollars, but in reality we have two cocksuckers."
That's a fucked up joke but I did laugh.
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I applied for a job cleaning mirrors today,
thats a job i can really see myself doing.
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i also applied for a farm hand position, in the interview the farmer asked if i had ever Shoe'd a horse before.
I said 'No, but I once told a Donkey to fuck off'
#moredadjokesplease
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How many rednecks does it take to eat a possum?
Two. One to eat it and one to watch out for cars.
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Girl: Hey wanna know what gets my pussy wet?
Boy: what? ;)
Girl: Toilet water when I shit out a small whale.
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What do you get when you take two hookers to Red Lobster? 10% off for bringing your own crabs.
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That’s not even a real promotion.
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What do you get when you take two hookers to Red Lobster? 10% off for bringing your own crabs.
Please stop
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Anal sex is like your first car - you dont really want it, but your dad gave it to you anyways.
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a lot of people talk about jerking off to the sears catalog but back in my day you had to actually go to sears and jerk off
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I'm a fan of jokes with serious punchlines, a lot of them suck but when done right they can be pretty good. I imagine Dwight from The Office saying them
A man walks into a bar.
He is an alcoholic whose drinking problem is destroying his family.
Why was six afraid of seven?
It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.
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I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering
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Why was six afraid of seven?
It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.
Why was eight afraid of seven?
Seven was a registered six offender.
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Q: ?
A: .
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What's worse than a van full of dead babies?
One of them could've grown up to cure cancer :'(
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Fuckin libs
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Why was six afraid of seven?
It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.
Why was eight afraid of seven?
Seven was a registered six offender.
why was 67 afraid of 68 .. cuz 68 69’d 70
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Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Delivery person.
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what did the kid with no arms or legs get for christmas?
asthma attack
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I ate four cans of alphabet soup yesterday, then I probably had the biggest vowel movement ever.
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I ate four cans of alphabet soup yesterday, then I probably had the biggest vowel movement ever.
that the first joke youve posted that is almost funy! good work
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Whats thirty feet long and smells like urine? Line dancing at a nursing home.
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Q: What do you call a lesbian with a big tongue?
A: Well hung.
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What's the difference between me and a picnic table?
A picnic table can support a family.