I got one for you guy’s, as I’ve been bitching about being sad and lonely.
I’ve been on a Tinder and OKcupid fuck streak. Damn hoes being throwing that pussy at me, it’s been nice so far but I’m kinda trying to be a better person and not dishonest with my intentions.
That being said I had this thick hairdresser broad try and wrap me up in a weird Jerry Springer situation, her baby daddy is married to a ridiculously obese woman who sucks, she’s got a 3 year old girl who she’ll pawn off which is fine whatever.
Here’s the clencher so we get to fucking and stuff and she’s in to the kinky shit like tie me up and breed me……. Creampie me Creampie me and I have to admit it’s kinda hot I blow my load and I’m spent so we go for round two a half hour later and her hideous friend wants to join too and mind you the hairdresser gals a Tennessee 7 her friend though not at all…….
So I make up an excuse and bounce, I wrote this elaborate well thought out idea of hey I don’t want to rush anything but I’m not so sure about your living arrangement and I’m not okay with polyamory at all but I wish you the best of luck but you deserve better than me and I’m out.
I get 30+ phones calls and several drive byes of her car and finally I had to tell her to fuck off I’m not trying to get in a situation where it’s sketchy at all.
Yikes lol Think you dodged a bullet on that one, homie. Cooking up some b.s. excuse and bouncing on sex is always awkward no matter what the circumstances lol Reminded me of a little story of my own to share:
So, in 2019, me and my girlfriend of 5 years broke up. It was a bit of a contentious break up, so I didn’t feel too bad about immediately hitting the Tinder not too long after, mainly just out of spite and self reassurance, which are horrible reasons, but I was in a bad headspace. So one of the girls I match with happens to be this super attractive hipster girl that worked at a local record shop I go to often. We make a plan to hang out at her house, chill, eat, whatever. I show up, she puts on a Tears for Fears greatest hits record, and we start messing around. I get to taking her pants off and, holy fucking shit, the most absolute rank, otherworldly stench emerged out of her underwear . It was absolutely sickening; keep in mind, this wasn’t just the average stank that occurs while your fucking, or even the smell of hardcore b.o. or crotch sweat. I don’t even know how to describe it other than it smelled clinical, like a gynecologist needed to intervene on this one. So I try to keep the momentum up and finish the job, but the smell was just PERMEATING the room. I couldn’t keep the ol’ jim dog up for the life of me, and even gagged a bit while her back was turned. Finally I had to pump the brakes, came up with a crappy story about how I “just wasn’t ready” so soon after breaking up with my girlfriend. Made me feel like total shit, but I was backed into a corner. To her credit, she was super nice about it, made us coffee and we just watched a little T.V. before I left, and am happy to say, we are still friends. Drove home in complete silence with myself. When I finally got in my house, I just started laughing my ass off about the absurdity of the situation that just took place. It was quite an afternoon.
I just chuckle to myself when I hear Tears for Fears now.