JOKE THREAD!!!! HA HA FUCKING HA

[bumptobar]

Am I the only person who thinks dead baby jokes are not the slightest bit funny?

[eight oh eight]

A Chinese chef marries his long time sweetheart. She's a virgin and, truth be told, he is none too experienced either. On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses.

He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring: "My darring" he says, "I know dis you fus time and you berry frighten. I plomise you, I give you anyting you wan, I do anyting you wan, you say. Whatchou wan?" he says, trying to sound experienced, which he hopes will impress his bride.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently, for her request. She eventually replies shyly and unsure, "I wan... numba 69."

More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he queries: "You want... Beef wif Broccori?"

[aguywhoskates]

A man was on a road trip and he needed to stop and take a shit. He stops at a sketchy gas station with a horrid smelling bathroom. Since theres not another stop for miles, he braves it. He takes the shit and notices that there is no toliet paper. But there is a hole that has a sign above it that says, "WIPE ASS WITH HAND AND PLACE HAND IN HERE TO BE LICKED CLEAN WITH HUMAN TONGUE." Desperate to hit the road again, the man wipes his ass wiht his hand and puts his hand through the hole. A man on the other side of the hole is waiting wiht two bricks and slams them on the mans shitty hand. The man screams in pain and sucks on his hand to ease the pain.


this joke got me through my elementary school years

[jrock]

Boudreaux was waiting by his house cause his wife was missing. Boudreaux heres a knock at the door, so he answers it. His buddy Thibodaux is at the door. Thibodaux says Boudreaux I got good news and bad news. The bad news is we found your wife drowned in the lake. The good news is when we picked her up out the lake she had 3 dozen crabs holding on, so bring some beer we are going to have a crab boil.

[jrock]

Boudreaux: "It's terrible what they're doing in the South."
Thibodaux: "What's that?"
Boudreaux; "They're burning all of the churches."
Thibodaux: "That's OK, I always liked Popeye's better anyway!!!"

[jrock]

Boudreaux  is driving down the big road in Houston, Texas, when all of a sudden this big ole Texan cuts him off and forces Boudreaux  to the shoulder where Boudreaux  immediately gets out his Country Cadillac (pick-up truck) and walks up to the Texan and begans screaming at the guy. The Texan, remaining calm, politely goes to his trunk, and pulls out a tire tool. He bends over and draws a circle in the concrete on the shoulder of the Interstate and tells Boudreaux to get in the circle and DON'T get out. Well, the Texan walks over to Boudreaux's pick-up truck and bashes in his tail lights. Looking at Boudreaux , the Texan sees him laughing hard. Getting even more frustated, the Texan bashes in the back glass. Looking over at Boudreaux  again, he sees him lying on the ground, rolling from laughing so hard. This really gets the Texan upset, so he bashes in the front windshield, the headlights, and the mirrors. Walking over to where Boudreaux  was at, in the circle, he still sees ole Boudreaux on the ground, laughing so hard that he's turning blue in the face. Not understanding why, the Texan says to Boudreaux , " Man, I bash in your windows, and you laugh; I bash in your tail lights, and you laugh; I bash in your windshield, mirrors and headlights, and you can barely breathe because you're laughing so hard. What the hell is wrong with you?" Finally catching his breath, Boudreaux  says, "You fool; you Texans think you're so much better than us; you know what? When you wasn't looking, I got out that circle three times!!

[lophatrophazoa]

Am I the only person who thinks dead baby jokes are not the slightest bit funny?

i thought only the kids in the back of the class who play with there lighters the whole time and wear snakeyes and wallet chains liked dead baby jokes

[Ronald Wilson Reagan]

Am I the only person who thinks dead baby jokes are not the slightest bit funny?

The humor in those jokes is in their tastelessness.
It wouldn't work without it. Check it out:

Whats the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of bananas?
You can't unload a truckload of bowling balls with a pitchfork!

Whats the difference between a cadillac and a 12 pack of coca cola?
I don't have a cadillac in my garage!

What happens when you drop a pencil down the stairs?
I don't know about you, but I get an erection!






Oh, and to the kid who called Kuark a "faggot" for posting a racist joke- way to go dude. Show the world were not all intolerant faggots!

[alexander32thegrea]

Q.) how do you know when a chinese person has robbed your house??

A.) your homework is done, your computer is upgraded, but two hours later the fucker is still trying to back out your driveway.

[heckler]

What does a dead head say when he doesnt have any drugs?

This music sucks!!


What's the definition of trust?

2 canibals 69ing

[heckler]

Two nuns are talking, and one of them says, "I'm so mad at father Jon. Last night, I found a box of condoms in his desk drawer. I was so mad, I poked holes in all of them!" The second nun said, "Oh, shit."

[1987]

How did Cinderella die?








Her tampon turned into a pumpkin.

[Ronald Wilson Reagan]

How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


Only two, but don't you wonder  how they got in there?

[Zurg]

What does a dead head say when he doesnt have any drugs?

This music sucks!!


What's the definition of trust?

2 canibals 69ing

way to steal a joke, then post it in the thread where you stole the joke from

[sebastian toombs]

karl rove and dick cheney are giveing president bush the latest briefings from iraq and afghanistan, which read like a laundry list of disasters: suicide attacks, chlorine bombs, religious death squads, corruption throughout the iraqi political, police and military struture...    billions of dollars unaccounted for in reconstruction.  millions filched by contractors.   three american soldiers were killed yesterday.  four brits the day before that.  40 iraqi police killed in a bombing while lined up for pay.  european journalists kidnapped...  etc.  none of this seems to phase the president for a moment-- hes impenetrible, like north korea and iran's underground uranium enrichment bunkers.   however, then-- almost as an afterthought-- they mention that three brazilian soldiers were killed in fighting today.

at this last point, bush abruptly crumbles before their eyes, almost like the world trade center did in 2001.  he has his head between his knees and hes sobbing...   hes gibbering about all the loss of life-- how can these latest losses ever be made up?  cheney and rove are mortified--  what on earth can be wrong here?  whats could possibley be so important about the south americans support?    bush continues sobbing and gibbering uncontrollably...  but finally, with almost superhuman effort, he manages to pull himself together a little bit...  his eyes are all red and puffy, his breath is drawn and -- choking back the tears-- he asks:  "my god, dick, what are we going to do now?  sweet jesus, what now...   and dick, just how many is a brazillion?"

[Bruce Wayne]

A Filipino Applies for a Job at Wal-Mart. An office manager at Wal-Mart was
given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting
through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified.
An American, a Russian, an Australian and a Filipino. He decided to call the
four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the
interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?" Acknowledging
Dave, the American on his right, the man replied, " A THOUGHT". It just pops
into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."

"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.

"And now you sir?" he asked Vladimir, the Russian. "Hmm.... let me see. A
blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK
is the fastest thing I know of."

"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very
popular cliche for speed."

He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his reply.
"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall
there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the
pasture the light in the barn comes on. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said.

Turning to Eleuterio, the Filipino, the fourth and final man, the
interviewer posed the same question. Eleuterio replied, "Apter herring da 3 frevyos ansers sirrr, et's obyus to me dat de pusstest ting known is
Diarrhea."

"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

"O I can expleyn serrr ." said Eleuterio "YOU SEE SERR, De odder day I
wasn't peeeling bery good and I run soooo pusst to de battrroom, BUT bepore I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON DE LIGHT, I alrrreddy had de sheets in my panhts. Aysos nako!"

Eleuterio is now the new "Greeter" at Wal-Mart.

nice remix

[eight oh eight]

actually read that and it had nothing to do with filipnos.  so ripped off.

[kelchmonster]

Whats green and red and goes a hundred miles an hour?



a frog in a blender!

[somekid]

so a blonde walks into a library, walks up to the librarian's desk, and says, "OK- I'd like a cheesburger, a small fries, and a diet coke."

the librarian, confused, says "ma'am, this is a library"

so the blond whispers, "oh-i'm sorry- I'd like a cheesburger, a small fries, and a diet coke."

[Universal Remonster]

Expand Quote

Am I the only person who thinks dead baby jokes are not the slightest bit funny?

[close]

The humor in those jokes is in their tastelessness.
It wouldn't work without it. Check it out:

Whats the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of bananas?
You can't unload a truckload of bowling balls with a pitchfork!

Whats the difference between a cadillac and a 12 pack of coca cola?
I don't have a cadillac in my garage!

What happens when you drop a pencil down the stairs?
I don't know about you, but I get an erection!

way to pick the worst examples

[j....soy.....]

what did the leper say to the hooker?

keep the tip....

[eight oh eight]

so a blonde walks into a library, walks up to the librarian's desk, and says, "OK- I'd like a cheesburger, a small fries, and a diet coke."

the librarian, confused, says "ma'am, this is a library"

so the blond whispers, "oh-i'm sorry- I'd like a cheesburger, a small fries, and a diet coke."

lol, ah man, never get tired of blond jokes.

[heckler]

Expand Quote

What does a dead head say when he doesnt have any drugs?

This music sucks!!


What's the definition of trust?

2 canibals 69ing

[close]

way to steal a joke, then post it in the thread where you stole the joke from

Didn't read the thread all the way through before posting, so if it was already posted, my bad.