Don't be sorry, you're trying. We have not had the same experience so unfortunately I cannot offer anecdotal advice specific to what you're going through, but it took me probably 5 years to actually get and stay sober for some sort of extended time. That included lying to myself (and sadly others) about being sober for a good while, "I've 2 weeks, 10 Days, etc" even when I was still drinking (though less, and trying to ween off) every few months. It wasn't from a place of malice but more to try and give myself motivation to really get started. "If people think I'm doing better maybe I will want to do better, finally". 5 years is not some sort of magic number, I'm only saying that to point out that it really does take the right combination of things to finally get it to click, I wish I had the one size fits all magic solution for you I really do! But it does eventually click when it's supposed to. I know that might not be what you want to hear especially if you're in pain both emotionally and physically.
Is there any way for you to do some sort of intensive outpatient therapy or something like that? A way for you to "do the work" but not necessarily in an AA setting, not in traditional rehab, while still being surrounded by loved ones on the daily? I do believe you want to quit but it sounds like it falls back because of the people you end up having to be surrounded with, largely not by your own choice.
I wish you all the best man, gonna be corny but all I can say is; it works if you work it, whatever program you put in place or attend, it will work if you continue to give it effort. I really believe that.